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The Crystal Crown (PG)

The_Mighty_Medicham

It's electric!
Here's one of my current fan-fictions.

Chapter I

The sun slowly rose over the hills in the distance and illuminated the landscape. The hills were thick with emerald grass as soft as a feather. There was a hill to the north, south, east, and west. In the valley created by the hills, however, the landscape was much different. Instead of lush grass, the area was covered in snow and ice. The sun reflected on the frozen lake and the pure white snow and created a nearly blinding light. This occurrence wasn’t natural at all. It was made by the PokéMon. These mysterious creatures lived in the caves at the bottom of each hill. They had chosen this location because of the protection the hills provided. The homes were natural, but they had to be widened to support the current residents. It is in the tiniest cave in the western hill that our heroine can be found, asleep on her bed of hill grass.

She was a Smoochum, a relatively small PokéMon. On her head laid yellow hair the makes it appear that she had a tiny mop on her head, minus the pole. Her feet and midriff were a light cream color. The rest of her body is a pinkish-purple color. Her large eyes were a deep blue color. The most dominate feature on this creature was her large lips. They were pink and thick. As customary, Smoochie, as she was called, used her lips to examine everything. As Smoochie slept, drool started to come out of her mouth. Despite the fact that she was nearly nine years old, she was still considered a baby PokéMon since she had yet to evolve into her adult form, a Jynx. A Jynx consisted of a purple head with large lips as well. Long blonde hair fell from this PokéMon, which nearly reached the floor. Each Jynx wore what looked like a red dress. They had white arms and had purple hands. Smoochie’s mother was a Jynx named Destiny. Destiny had walked back into the cave from collecting food and saw Smoochie sound asleep. Destiny walked over and gently shook her daughter awake.

“Wake up, Smoochie. Today is the day we are going to visit Mehn and wish him wellness,” Destiny whispered into Smoochie’s ear. Mehn was the leader of the small tribe of PokéMon and was quite sick. Smoochie stirred awake, rubbed her eyes, and ran after her mother who had all ready left the cave.

Smoochie stepped outside into the bright sun. The light reflected of the snow and hurt her eyes for a moment. Smoochie heard her mother calling her to her left. Her mother was all ready standing outside the biggest cave in the whole valley. Smoochie started to run towards her mother, but tripped over a mound of snow. She went face first into the newly created snow. Smoochie stood up and wiped the snow from her face. She dashed over to her mother, making sure not to trip again. Destiny was smiling at her daughter who had just tripped. Destiny guided Smoochie into the cave with her hand. It took both of their eyes a few seconds to adjust to the darkness of the cave. After they could see, the two progressed to the back of the cave.

Lying on a pile of straw was Mehn. He was breathing heavily, as if it brought him much pain. Mehn was a Walrein, a blue walrus PokéMon. The top part of his head was white. He had long tusks that jutted out of his mouth. Mehn had two large clumps of whiskers, which looked like a beard. Standing beside Mehn was his son, Leo. Leo was a Sealeo, another blue walrus PokéMon. He had a cream chest and tusks as well. He also had beard-like whiskers. Mehn opened his eyes and looked at the mother and daughter.

“Thank you both for coming to visit me in this time of my illness. It always makes me feel a little bit better whenever some of my loyal citizens come to send me their best wishes. However, I feel it will all be in vain. In a few minutes, I shall pass on to the other side,” Mehn said with much difficulty. Leo, Destiny, and Smoochie all gasped.

“Dad, tell me it’s not true. I don’t know if I’m ready yet to take over your position as the village leader,” Leo said compassionately.

“That’s perfect then. For you will not be the leader of the village. I have created a system to see who is truly worthy of leading us. Back in our home town, the Ice Cavern, I created a crown that is made entirely out of crystals. The PokéMon among us who can make it to the cave, find the crown, and bring it back shall be the leader of us. So I want the three of you to go out into the village and spread the word,” Mehn said. And with that, Mehn’s eyes closed and would never open again.

Leo went over to his father’s body and cried over it. Destiny and Smoochie bowed their heads in respect for their leader. Then Destiny lifted her head.

“Smoochie, I want you to go home. Talk to no one. I’ll go out and announce Mehn’s wish and his death. I’ll return home after that, possibly with news. Maybe someone we know will go forth for the crown,” Destiny spoke to her daughter.

“But Mom, I want to tell you something,” Smoochie said to her mother in a whiny voice.

“You can tell me after I return from speaking with everyone. Now go,” Destiny said.

“But . . .,” Smoochie started.

“GO!” Destiny yelled.

Smoochie looked up at her mother, and then turned around. She walked very slowly out of the cave and into the valley. Smoochie hung her head low and moved slowly towards her home. The other PokéMon who had just woken up tried to say hello to her, but Smoochie ignored them. She went inside her home and sat down on her little bed of grass. She watched the mouth of the cave and waited for her mother to return. Smoochie heard a commotion outside in the valley. She got off her bed and tottered to the cave. She peaked out and saw her mother standing in a crowd of the other PokéMon. Everyone was talking, so she guessed that Destiny had just told everyone that Mehn had died. Smoochie turned around and went back to her bed.

After several minutes, Smoochie saw the shape of her mother walking into their cave. Destiny sighed when she saw her daughter and walked towards Smoochie. Destiny’s hips swayed back and forth as she walked, just like many Jynx. She said down next to Smoochie and put her arm around her.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I guess it was just the effect of watching Mehn die right before my eyes. I hope you can forgive me,” Destiny said.

“Of course I can, Mommy,” Smoochie said with a smile, “I understand. What happened when you told everybody?”

“They were all shocked, as you can imagine. Freezia had to be taken back to her cave. She passed out from the shock of what happened. Some even had to go to his cave to see for themselves. It must have been so hard for Leo, having all these people come in and staring at his dad’s dead body,” Destiny told her.

“Did anyone offer to go to get that Crystal Crown?” Smoochie asked.

“No. The Ice Cavern is very far away, and everyone is so used to being safe in this valley that they wouldn’t know what to do in the face of danger. The only one I can think of that would go on the journey is Leo. It makes sense for him to make an attempt at it. In a normal system, he would be the one to take over,” Destiny explained.

“Oh,” Smoochie sighed, looking depressed.

“What was the thing that you wanted to talk about? You said you had something to tell me before I sent you away,” Destiny asked.

“Oh, that. Well, I’ve just made up my mind on it just now,” Smoochie said. She stood up and faced her mother. “I’m going to the Ice Cavern to get the Crystal Crown!”
 

FlamingRuby

The magic of Pokemon
Okay, one review:

First of all, you could elaborate more on the premise here...just WHAT is this Crystal Crown, why is it important, what does it do, and what consequences are there if the bad guys get it?

I'm assuming you're going to address some of my questions soon enough, but you should deal with the first three within the get-go.

Secondly, it seemed a little on the short side, so you might want to expand a little.

Rating: ;025; ;025; ;172;

Not a bad story, just needs some work.
 

pathophobe

Well-Known Member
Mostly good description throughout. your description of Mehn's death and immeadietly before and after was very thin. It seemed like you got bored with writing.
Overall, it's a good chapter
 

The_Mighty_Medicham

It's electric!
I plan to answer the questions in the next chapter. There are two new characters coming, so there will have to be an explanation.
 
Last edited:

Ivyon

<333333
Ok, I've never commented on a fanfic before, so sorry if I'm doin this wrong.

Anyways, I thought it was rather good, but I do have to ask why it is that Smoochie want to go after the crown? It just seemed kind of random (although I may have not noticed her reason cause I'm not exactly good at this)

Everything else seemed good to me though.
 

The_Mighty_Medicham

It's electric!
Well, here is Chapter two, with answers to everyone's questions in it.

Chapter II

Destiny stared at her daughter in shock. Never in a million years did she expect Smoochie to go on a quest on her own to get the crown. The furthest Smoochie had ever ventured was to the top of the southern hill. Smoochie saw the rest of the world, became frightened, and dashed down the hill home. Destiny didn’t honestly think that Smoochie could even survive on her own in the wild.

“Honey, are you sure you want to do this? The journey will be long, full of perils, and you might not survive. I don’t think I can deal with you leaving and possibly not coming back,” Destiny said.

“But Mom, I really want to do this. Everyone just thinks that I’m a little girl and I can’t do anything. I want to prove them wrong,” Smoochie told her mother.

“But why don’t you just let Leo go get it? He is rightfully the next leader of our town. He was the son of the leader, and in most cultures, he would be the next in line to be in charge,” Destiny told her.

“I know, but I really want to be in charge. I have so many ideas that would make the town much better, but nobody would even listen to me, just because I am so young. Plus, Leo is really mean. He seems like the kind of person who would betray everybody just for his own gain,” Smoochie responded.

“He is a little rough around the edges, but he’s a good kid. I think he would be a good leader. I think you’re just in shock over the fact that Mehn is dead. Just lie down, and get some sleep. When you wake up, we’ll just forget all about this Crystal Crown thing and get on with our lives,” Destiny said, wrapping her arms around Smoochie.

Smoochie broke free of her mother’s arms. “I’m not just going to forget about this, Mom. I want to leave on my own. If you won’t approve of this, then I’ll leave without your approval!” Smoochie yelled. She then turned and ran out of the cave.

“Come back here!” Destiny shouted. She chased after her daughter, but by the time she got outside, she saw Smoochie disappear over the eastern hill. Destiny fell to the ground and started to bawl. Other PokéMon poked their heads out of their caves and a few came to comfort Destiny. Destiny only stopped crying to tell the others of the argument between her and Smoochie and then how Smoochie ran out of the valley.

Word traveled fast around the valley. Soon everybody had heard of Smoochie’s disappearance. Leo, who was oblivious to the happenings of the village, sat in his cave, was gathering supplies that he would need to complete his journey to the Ice Cavern. He heard noise as somebody bumbled into the cave. Freezia, a Delibird, came into view. Freezia doubled over to catch her breath since she ran to the cave. After she was able to breathe regularly, she spoke to Leo.

“Leo, there’s news out in the valley. Apparently, Smoochie, that obnoxious little Smoochum, just ran away from home. From what her mother told everybody, Smoochie is on her way to the Ice Cavern to get the Crystal Crown!” Freezia told Leo.

“What?! That is completely unacceptable. I should be the one to get the crown and rule the valley. How long ago did she leave?” Leo inquired.

“Hmm, I guess she left about an hour ago. As soon as I got the word, I ran right over here. Though, thinking about it now, I suppose I could have flown here and arrived quicker,” Freezia stated.

“Great, that just makes matters even worse. Not only do I now have competition to get the crown, but my competition has an hour head start on me. I have to really book it if I want to get there before her,” Leo said as he left the cave.

“Wait! Should I come with you?” Freezia asked.

“No, I want you to stay here and keep an eye on everybody. If anyone else tries to leave, I want you to let them got out a few yards, and then nail them. Then carry them back and say they were attacked by a trainer, but you arrived just in time to prevent them from making the capture,” Leo said.

“You got it, boss,” Freezia said to the retreating Leo.

Leo exited his cave and went over the eastern hill. He half expected to see Smoochie lying unconscious on the other side of the hill. But Leo looked as far as he could see, and didn’t see any sign of Smoochie. As he made his way down the hill, he wondered how he or Smoochie would be able to find the Ice Cavern. The villagers had migrated to the valley before Leo was born, and he was five years older than Smoochie. He figured that he would have to find an ally in his journeys, and pray that they would know the way.


********************************************************************************


It had been a long time since Smoochie left home, or so it felt to her. By now the reality set in that she was actually out here on her own, without anybody to look after her except herself. Now it was her against the elements. Smoochie started to regret not giving her mother a proper good-bye, but was still mad that Destiny disregarded her dream. She wondered how the other villagers would react when she realized she was standing in a shadow. She looked up and saw a huge Rhydon towering over her.

“I bet that if this was a T.V. show with a kid on it who didn’t know obvious things, he would have me use my Ice Punch and somehow I would easily defeat this thing. Maybe I should try Ice Punch,” Smoochie thought. As soon as she started to power-up Ice Punch, the Rhydon let out a tremendous roar. Smoochie got terrified by the loud roar and dashed by it, heading in the direction she was originally going. Smoochie heard a loud thumping behind her. She turned her head around and saw that Rhydon was chasing after her, determined to capture her.

“Somebody, for the love of Aruseus, help me!!!” Smoochie yelled out.

“Hit the ground!” a voice yelled out from the trees.

Smoochie was about to obey when she tripped and fell flat on her face, which made things a little easier. She looked up as a stream of water went flying overhead and smashed into the Rhydon. It swaggered, and then ran off in a different direction. A PokéMon, her rescuer, landed in front of Smoochie. She saw that its legs were green. She continued to look up and saw a Politoed standing there. He looked almost exactly like a normal Politoed, except that the curl of hair on his head was only a short stub.

“Are you okay?” he asked Smoochie.

“Yeah, I’m fine. That big old thing started chasing me for no reason. I mean, the only thing I did was attack it with an Ice Punch, and he went all berserk on me. My name is Smoochie, by the way,” Smoochie told him.

“My name is Archer. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I know that guy. He’s a big jerk. He always tries to beat up on PokéMon that are smaller than he is.” Archer said as he shook Smoochie’s hand.

“This is an odd question, but do you know where the Ice Cavern is? It’s kind of sort of really important,” Smoochie asked him.

“Not really. The only time I’ve ever been in Johto was to visit some relatives I had. The only problem is that they lived in Violet City which is a good bit away from the Ice Cavern. But unless I’m horribly mistaken, there is a little bit of a shortcut that can get us to the road that leads to the Ice Cavern,” he told her.

“Um, since I have no idea where to go, I’ll just trust you. Along the way, I’ll fill you in on my story,” she said as the two of them walked together.


********************************************************************************


Leo continued onward in his quest to beat Smoochie to the crown. He pulled out the map that he “borrowed” from the town center to make sure that he was going in the right direction. He continued forward and arrived at the fork in the road that was a crucial point on the map. He double-checked the route and started for the path on the right. Just as he passed a bush, he saw a flash of red run in front of him. He looked and saw a Magby standing in front of him. This Magby was the same as all the other Magbys, except he was at least six inches taller than all the others.

“Hey man, back off. This is my turf!” the Magby told Leo.

“Get out of my way, shrimp. I have to beat this pesky little Smoochie to the Ice Cavern,” Leo said.

“What a coincidence. A Smoochum and a Politoed passed by here not even ten minutes ago. I would have beaten that annoying Smoochum into a bloody pulp, except Politoed knocked me away with a Water Gun,” Magby said.

“Here’s an idea. Since I don’t like Smoochie, and you don’t like Smoochie, why don’t we go to the Ice Cavern together? Inside the cavern is a crown, a Crystal Crown. Whoever gets it first and returns to my village with it becomes the new ruler. If we get to it first, I’ll let you be my right flipper man. I don’t really care much for Freezia, she’s a nuisance. If anything goes wrong, I can use her as a scapegoat. I can saw that I was so overcome with the grief of my father, I was willing to do anything,” Leo explained.

“I like the way you think. My name is Torque, in case you cared,” Magby said.

“I’m Leo. Now let’s go get that crown!”


********************************************************************************


“Okay, so what exactly is this Crystal Crown?” Archer asked Smoochie. The two of them had traveled together for an hour now, heading closer and closer to Johto. Smoochie began to fill Archer in on all of the details.

“Well, I’m not positive on the details, but it’s a clear crown that fits on the head of Ice PokéMon. It’s got a red jewel in the middle of it. I also think that it is very shiny,” Smoochie replied.

“Why is this thing so important?” he inquired.

“Whoever gets the crown and returns to my village with it will become the ruler of the valley. Our old leader, Mehn, told my mom, his son Leo, and me about the crown right before he died. I’m glad that my mom and I were there when he was dying. Otherwise, Leo would have never told anyone and went to get the crown himself, which would be kind of bad,” Smoochie said.

“So what if Leo gets the crown? He’s the ruler’s son, and in any normal society after Man’s death, he would become ruler,” Archer said.

“Okay, first off it’s Mehn, not Man. Second, you don’t really know Leo. He’s mean and selfish. If he were to become ruler, then he would treat everybody like scum and everyone would be miserable. Plus, he would probably put up barriers so that no one can escape the valley. Except he would let Freezia go out to gather food for everyone,” Smoochie said.

“Who’s Freezia?” Archer asked.

“She’s just some stupid Delibird that always hangs out with Leo. Actually, I don’t think Leo even likes her. I think she’s just there so he can have some company since no one likes him,” Smoochie replied.

“I think I understand now. So this journey is just to prove to yourself and everybody that you can manage on your own, right?”

“Well, there’s that, and I want to make my mom proud. She doesn’t want me to do this, but I want her to feel proud that her daughter traveled many miles and retrieved the crown all alone,” Smoochie told him.

“But you’re not alone; I’m right here helping you.”

“Fine, I want her to feel proud that her daughter traveled many miles and retrieved the crown with the help of a friend. Are you happy now?” Smoochie asked.

“Quite,” Archer replied.
 
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