I love it where characters are introduced slowly and you do that very well here, but you should describe locations and perhaps emotions more to keep your reader hooked.
I feel that my description of characters, props, and atmosphere is detailed enough, but looking back, I certainly need to incorparate more description of locations and emotions into my work. I'll keep that in mind when writing later chapters.
Lucy seems very Professor Umbridge, sweet and yet evil, though this may be coincidence.
Lucy is more like Mrs. Coulter, whereas Umbridge always felt sweet in a dotty aunt kind of way. Although as it happens, I was reading HP: OoP when I first began writing this fic, so perhaps I was subconsciously influenced.
And kudos for the use of Piddlew- I mean, Piloswine. I've not seen a lot of those used, so it's nice to see them get some time in the spotlight.
Thanks. I used to hate Piloswine, but then I began training one in Colloseum and I became rather attached to it. It seemed like an ideal POkemon for the kind of setting I had in mind when planning this fic, so I decided to incorparate it into the storyline, and now I like it more than ever now.
As usual, thanks to everyone who reviewed. Like the two previous chapters, Chapter 7 is rather talk-based, but the majority of Chapter 8 is going to be action-centric, so don't worry about this deterioting into an all talk no action style of fic.
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Chapter Seven: M'stadawn's Tale
An onrush of cold air from deep within the abyss engulfed Teddiursa, the icy chunk beneath him leaning into the darkness. His terrified thoughts were drowned out by the scrambled bellowing of a dozen or so Piloswine, and the splintering of the icy chunk as it rapidly broke away from the cliff. “What are we going to do?” stammered an elderly female, that might have been M’stadawn’s mate.
“You’re a disgrace, sending us here!” an obese male yelled, struggling for grip on the ice. “We’re going to get killed for sure!”
Amidst all this chaos, he faintly heard Iboor, roaring out a desperate command in a thunderous voice. “Jump for the other side when I say go, and we might be able to escape! Five, four, three, two, one..” But before he could even say go, half the herd had become so panic-stricken that they lunged off the crumbling ice a second two soon.
Next thing he knew, Teddiursa was soaring ungainly off the ice as it finally fell away. All around him, he saw Piloswines jump desperately from the collapsing ice and fall short of the nearby ledge, as if they had been fired from a series of faulty catapults. Then he slammed into the steep snow-covered slope on the other side, and its whiteness swallowed him up.
He felt himself being immedeatly hoisted out of the snow, as he coughed up sleet and his eyes flicked nervously from side to side, trying to get wind of how he had escaped. It took him a moment to realise that he was so lightweight that the momentum of the crumbling ice must have been enough to hurl him to safety. “It’s alright little one, it’s all over” he heard the comforting voice of Inomoo say, and Teddiursa was delighted to see the loving female had made it across the abyss and was standing over him, alive and well. Iboor, M’stadawn, and the obese male that had declared Iboor a disgrace had likewise escaped, but they were slumped in the snow and gazing distraught at the greatly widened pit that loomed beneath.
Teddiursa’s intestines wrenched sickeningly with grief and horror, when he realised that the entire herd, with the exception of the four currently gathered nearby, had perished.
“It’s not alright” sobbed Iboor wearily. “Half of us have suffered horrible deaths in the icy realms of this accursed mountain, and all because I was gullible enough to believe that unibrowed feather duster. You were right, Uthus. I’m a disgrace, and not just to my herd. I’m a disgrace to all Pokemon.”
“Now, now” comforted Uthus, who trying to sound confident no matter how unconfident he may be. “Don’t take what I said to heart, you silly swine. I was just a bit panic-stricken, that’s all, and you know how angry we can all get if put under such immense pressure.”
“Whether or not you meant it, it’s still true” moaned Iboor through strangled sobs. “The only consolation I’ve got left is that we might still be able to rescue Minupiggu, but with a clumsy oaf like me guiding what’s left of our herd, I’ll probably only get him and the rest of you killed.”
“Stop being so hard on yourself!” grunted M’stadawn. “It’s my fault we’re in this situation now.”
“How can you say that?” Inomoo cried, believing that M’stadawn must only be inflicting the blame on himself to comfort Iboor. “If it’s anybody’s fault, then it’s Lucy’s for stealing away Minupiggu in the first place.”
“No, seriously” M’stadawn sighed. He sounded grave and honest. “I should have told you about the true perils this realm hides. You see, I know about how brittle the ice is, and how the glacial ledges can slip even the most hardiest of Pokemon. I know because I have been here before, and even further still. I know what lies beyond the aurora.”
Everyone who was still alive gasped in amazement and disbelief. Iboor’s head slumped into the snow, his tongue lolling. Teddiursa crawled up to him and gingerly touched his forehead.
“I think he might have fainted” he announced, before turning back round to look at M’stadawn. “Why didn’t you tell anybody you’d been here before?”
M’stadawn replied in a sad weary voice that oozed with regret. “I was proud to be a keeper of such an amazing secret. Not daring to reveal it, I instead attempted to convince Iboor that braving the aurora was a bad idea without giving anything away. If only I hadn’t been so horribly conceited, Iboor might have accepted that his piglet was already good as dead, and that even more lives would be wasted in trying to rescue him.”
“This is impossible!” cried Inomoo. “You have been in the herd ever since the first Swinub litter was conceived, 80 years ago, and no-one has ever mentioned you disappearing on an adventure or anything like that.”
“This may come as a shock, but I am not actually related to the Piloswine of this herd. I became lost from my original herd as a Swinub, and it is then that I embarked on my adventure. Once this adventure was over, I was left alone and stranded in the snow-downs, until I stumbled across two lone Piloswine parents, nurturing their newborn litter. They allowed me to join the litter, where I was raised as if I were one of them.”
“But what about this ‘adventure’ you keep on talking about?” persisted Inomoo.
“After I was separated from my herd way back then, I fled into these wildernesses and encountered a kindly Delibird, who claimed that a lush woodland was rumoured to lie beyond the aurora,” answered M’stadawn. "She helped me overcome its perils, and eventually I reached those glorious woodlands. It was here that I enjoyed the happiest few weeks of my life; wallowing in the rich soil, gorging on the exquisite native mushrooms, napping on the soft lichen…. and most wonderful of all, the winged guardians of Johto. For behind that vivid curtain draped throughout the sky does indeed lie their undiscovered haven.”
“Winged guardians?” asked Uthus in bewilderment, but M’stadawn quickly changed the subject. “The kindly Delibird I befriended on my adventures was raising some chicks at that time. With any luck, one of them will still be alive, and might be able to help me redeem myself by completing our aim of saving Minupiggu.”
Teddiursa glanced up, and saw how the snowy flank of the mountain teetered up into a huge icy façade. The aurora was reflected off of it majestically, giving it the appearance of a celestial cathedral, and all around it the vivid sky was flecked with dumpy, crimson-feathered birds.
“Being extremely weak and paranoid, Delibirds avoid just about anything that moves” continued M’stadawn. “So I’m afraid they won’t just fly down and invite us into their nests. If we’re to find any of my friend’s offspring, we’re going to have to climb the mountain and try and get in touch with them that way.”
“Climb the mountain!” spluttered Uthus incredulously. “It seemed like a farfetched concept at the beginning of this ‘adventure’, but close up it looks even more absurdly impossible! Look at how sheer that cliff face is!”
“Unfortunately, that is our most severe holdback” M’stadawn replied gravely. “No Piloswine is physically capable of climbing a wall that steep.” He paused to turn and fix Teddiursa with his beady gaze. “I’m afraid that you will have to go on alone if we stand a chance of retrieving the lost piglet.”
Inomoo lurched forth in horror to try and protect her adopted cub from this mad old swine. “NO!” she bellowed. “You cannot possibly be serious! The little one will stand absolutely no chance out there on his own! I feel it’s time to accept that my precious little Minupiggu is gone, and that there’s nothing we can do about it.” And she promptly exploded into tears, as she had done when Teddiursa had first met her.
“Stop it!” cried Teddiursa. “I’m willing to do you a favour and rescue Mynapiggy, no matter how dangerous it is! There are lots of little ledges for me to rest on if I get tired, and the ice looks soft enough to grip with my nails, so I think I’ll be fine.”
“I suppose you’re right” sobbed Inomoo. “Farewell little one, and never forget that I shall always care for you.” And with that, she fainted out of grief, and lay slumped next to her mate, tears melting the snow.
Teddiursa waddled up to Uthus and fondled his snout, uttering goodbye to him, and he replied with an encouraging farewell. “Good luck little bear, and remember, me and M’stadawn shall be egging you on even when we’re far, far away.”
Go ahead, there isn’t much time” growled M’stadawn irritably, and began herding Teddiursa up the snowy hill. Teddiursa kept his gaze pinned on the wall of ice as he steadily approached it, and once he was directly next to it, he nervously held out a shaking right paw, and ground his fledgling claws deep into the ice. He did the same with his left paw, then pulled his right paw free of the ice and dug it in further up. He repeated this process thrice, until he understood the mechanics of climbing, and began to speed up his assent. Before long, he felt as though he had been born to climb, and was soon 20 feet above the steep, snowy ground without even realising.
He took care to keep his gaze fixed on the shimmering sky up ahead, because his experiences aboard the flying house had not left him with a very good head for heights, and as is commonly known, vertigo can have a rather unpleasant effect on those who suffer from it. The encouraging yells of support from Uthus, and the less-spirited yells of support from M’stadawn had soon died away completely, and the heart of the aurora was growing brighter and brighter as he gradually approached it.
But after a while the strangely satisfying monotony of hauling himself up the ice was starting to become tiresome. His tiny muscles were aching, and his tendons felt as if they had been stretched to three times their normal length by dangling from his forelegs.
Unfortunately, the small ledges that had looked like ideal places to rest on from down below were revealed upon closer inspection to be far too thin to be useful for that purpose, meaning he had to carry on struggling up the icy cliff-face. Every single one of his body parts was begging for him to take a rest, but his determination kept him going through all this, and after what felt like half-an-hour he was still going, though barely.
The cold of the mountain had become extreme now that he was so high up, and the air was unbearably thin, making it hard for him to breath. From his angle on the mountainside, he could see only the sheerness of the icy façade he was clambering up, and the aurora glaring majestically down on him, as always. A lone Delibird was fluttering amidst all this, dragging its bulging sack-like tail behind it, and it appeared to be quite near.
This was a good sign for Teddiursa, because it meant that the nests he was attempting to reach must be nearby, and sure enough, if he strained his eyes he could see lots of gaping nooks and crannies carved into the mountain higher up. From these petruded little twigs, of which nests are typically made, and from some of the minuscule caves emitted faint chirping noises.
One of the nests was so close Teddiursa needed only to lift a single paw and he would be able to grapple the edge and haul himself inside, where he could await the return of its owner.
Unbeknownst to him, its owner had already returned, and was fluttering steadily closer behind his back. The very second his claws gripped the edge, an infuriated shriek echoed through his ears, and he spun round in surprise to see a Delibird flapping madly towards him. It was absolutely tiny, not much bigger than himself, without any vicious talons or sharp beak that could have physically hurt him, but the creature’s utter anger at discovering an intruder was enough to frighten Teddiursa witless.
“GET OFF MY PREMISES YOU FILTHY LOWLAND VERMIN!” it squawked, and with lighting speed it extracted from it’s sack a tiny object. Teddiursa could not see what it was, for in a second the Delibird had flung it at him. It struck him accurately, right on the muzzle. Dazed momentarily, he lost his grip on the ice and found himself plunging, down and down and down. He saw the snowy slope from which he had embarked on this climb approaching rapidly, as if it were being thrust in his face, and the terror of this experience felt like a weight, dragging him to his awaiting death………..