The Curse of Forgotten Time (PG-13)

[Shattersoul]

Thank you so much. I'm planning on doing another go-around at editing the chapters tomorrow, and am going to take your critique into consideration.

About the beta reader: I actually did have one before, but I am looking for another (My old one became quite busy, and he focused more on flow and plot than grammar.)

 

[Shattersoul]

Chapter 14: Hero of Circumstance

Chapter 14: Hero of Circumstance​

I awoke to the smell of ashes, the feeling of immense heat, and the sound of screaming. Swearing heartily at my naivety, I catapulted myself out of the covers, grabbed my pack, and threw open the door. Outside, overworked sprinklers spun rapidly, trying in vain to combat the roaring blaze that had consumed a large portion of the hallway. The thin walls, while artistic, only stoked the fire further. Even worse, the choking smoke of the fire, mixed with the raining water, made vision all but impossible. The entryway had suffered the worst; the flames had snaked along the walls, and formed a fiery ring preventing access through it.

*Nil. I need you to make a move for the exit. I’ll try to find another way out.*

*Since when are you a hero?*

*There’s no way I’ll be able to get out through that way; and I’m still carrying my machete and climbing pick. More importantly, you're still hurt. Besides, these walls are pretty thin: I should be able to cut my way out. I’ll see if I can’t get some people out too.*

*You could try that vortex thing again.*

*Yeah, it's worth a shot*

*Are you sure you'll be able to do it?*

*Even if I could get that to work again, I’m not sure if I can handle sending more than one person through it. Sending you through felt like being punched in the gut; I'm not sure whether I'd be able to sustain sending people through it.*

*See you outside then?*

*You had better be waiting.*

As Nil limped through the fire, I weighed my options. The hotel was several floors tall, but I knew I wasn’t able to do anything about any of the higher floors. However, judging by the screaming coming from the rooms nearby, there were people still in the rooms around me.

When I had entered the hotel, I wasn’t blind enough to not realize that the rooms were arranged in a certain way. The hallways formed a rectangle, with every room receiving a window leading outside. There were also a few inner rooms, which were much larger as a compensation. Assuming it’d be easier to lead the people in inner rooms to the outer rooms, and smash the walls for the outer rooms, I quickly began.

It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that the first few doors I kicked in elicited quite a bit of panic. After all, a boy in his pajamas, wielding a machete in one hand and a pick in the other, breaking through your door in a burning hotel checked off all of the marks of being in a bad horror film. However, after I cut a hole through the thin outer walls with my climbing pick, they got the picture and fled through it. At about the fourth one, they were more relieved to have help arrive than to question why help arrived as it did.

The first few rooms were easy; while the flames were quite vigorously burning, they burned hot rather than fast, giving me plenty of time. The stink of burning gasoline occasionally wafted above the spoke, meaning that the original blaze was caused by a person, on purpose. I originally just felt good about saving people, but reality quickly broke me out of my reverie. I badly burned myself as I entered the sixth room, this one empty, and barely made it to the seventh. By the eighth, I had trapped myself; fire covering egress in every direction. This room revealed an elderly man and his wife, both clad in expensive jewelry, but more pressingly, revealed that this room was also ablaze.

Also to my luck, this room was an inner room; which meant there was no way of escaping. Gritting my teeth, I contacted Ni as I placed my ruined tools back into my backpack.

*Hey Nil…*

*You don’t need to even finish that. You trapped yourself. Didn’t you.*

*Fire on four walls, inner room, yeah.*

*Seems like you’ll need to try that gate again, then, huh?*

*I guess. Last time I did it though, I had a direct line of sight to where it was happening.*

*Well, you better figure out how to get it to work from in there.*

Almost on cue, a chunk of the room collapsed, striking the television and showering the area in sparks. The elderly couple gave me a terrified look, but I held up my hand and sat. I would need to focus.

*Any clue what you did last time?*

*I was really focused on where you were and how to get there?*

*That could work. I’m in the park two houses down from the hotel. Seems like most of the people you got out have come here to watch the fire; a lot of them are crying.*

The center of the ceiling had begun to sag, causing the glass chandelier to nearly touch the mahogany dining table. All around me, the room blazed, but I was focused on Nil's position. Even as the chandelier gave way, I sat still, trying desperately to summon the portal. Only when I heard a gasp from the couple did I open my eyes.

The vortex had returned.

Wasting no time, I screamed at the panicking couple.

“THERE’S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! JUST STEP INTO THE SWIRLY THING!”

Although they hesitated for a moment, a burning chair falling through the traumatized ceiling spurred them into action. I saw them exchange looks before passing through, and felt the exhuastion of keeping the gate open increase as they stepped through.

*Did you just send an old man and an old woman through?*

*Yeah. What’s the situation there?*

*Well, those two are hugging, and there’s a bunch of people staring at the vortex. About half of them are curious, a few are terrified, and a few children are lining up to throw rocks at it.*

A few rocks were emitted from the vortex, which clicked against the walls.

*Well, I’m going to try and go through.*

Giving one last look at the fiery deathtrap I was escaping, I stepped through. Interestingly, the feeling of stepping through reminded me of exiting Turnback Cave; with the sense of moving through impossible spaces returning, if only for a moment. As my vision returned, I let go, closing the gate behind me with a crack.

Several moments of stunned silence later, the crowd had begun quiet murmuring. Judging by the majority, they believed I had stolen some sort of advanced technology to do what I had done. Although many of them thanked me, more gave me strange, alienating looks. I turned towards the hotel; the blaze had begun being combated by several people riding Staraptors, each dumping water onto the roaring flames. Assisting them appeared to be every water Pokemon in the entire city, all working together in unison.

I was about to go find a place to change out of my charred bedclothes, when the squeal of braking wheels drew my attention behind me. Several men in uniforms piled out of a newly-arrived van. I cringed as I realized who they were. It seemed that even this region had an active criminal organization.

The burliest one addressed another, seemingly ignoring the crowd he had captured. His inferiors spread out, forming a ring that prevented escape.

“See Maurice? Told you that we’d get our marks either way.”

Maurice, a long, thin man with a thinner moustache, replied in a nasally voice.

“But Ged, we could have lost the VIPs! I told you that was way too much fire!”

“Aw shaddap. What I’m more interested in, is how these folks here managed to get here before our boys could catch the ones we need.”

The crowd instantly all turned towards me. I was still clutching my machete (Which at this point was more of a battered piece of metal from all of the doors I had to smash) but I froze as the brute’s gaze focused on me.

“Hah, there’s no way that this kid did anything. Throw 'im out.”

A thug approached me, but was quickly repelled as I brandished my tool towards him.

“Well lookie here. We got ourselves a hero. Hows about this. We let you go, and ya don’ go do anything to bother us from now on.”

I opened my mouth to reply, but that thought was never finished.

*INCOMING BEHIND YOU*

I turned quickly, just in time to see a huge, meaty fist hurtle towards me. To winded to dodge, and too burned to react, I went down like a stone. As I faded to unconsciousness, I heard Ged address the crowd.

“If ya folks knows what’s good for ya, ya just go home and forget about all this. Don’t bother following us, ya won’t find us. And if any of ya even dare calling the Rangers…”

 

[Shattersoul]

Chapter 15: Trapped

Chapter 15: Trapped​

I awoke in a grey, windowless room, head pounding, and arms sorer than ever before. Through bleary eyes, I examined where exactly I had been taken. The room was square, and nearly featureless: it lacked windows, decorations or paint, and the only breach of the walls was a solid-looking door.

Inside the room with me were several of the people I had pulled from the blaze, along with several others I did not recognise; these were likely others who had escaped by themselves. Every single person within the room was chained to the ceiling by bindings welded to the roof. I personally had been given similar bindings, but being shorter than the others, I instead was hanging, with my arms supporting my entire weight. The elderly couple I had saved were among the prisoners, although they just seemed glad that I had woken up. How long exactly had I been unconscious?

*Are you there? Hey, are you awake yet? Wake up dammit! Don't die on me yet!*

Nil's voice filled my mind, full of panic and of desperation. The usual undertone of annoyance was still there, but definitely less than what I was used to.

*Nil! Where are you? How long was I out for?*

*Good. They took you about three or four hours ago.*

*That's.. really not good. But where are you?*

*No, I’m back at the woods. When they knocked you down, I managed to escape.*

*Why didn't you do something to get me out of there?*

*They had handguns, if you didn’t notice. Every single one of them did. And I doubt I'd be able to do anything, being in the shape I am.*

I hadn’t. I was too tired from opening the gate to pay close attention to what the thugs were carrying. And I could have paid the price. It was lucky that I was simply trapped, rather than sitting within a shallow grave, a bullet lodged in my head. Nil continued probing for information.

*What’s the situation like, over there?*

*I'm hanging from the ceiling, and can’t feel my arms. There don’t appear to be any cameras, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to get out of here.*

*Can’t you just warp out?*

*I’m not sure I’d be able to get out all the way, what with the chains holding me in place. And since I have no clue where I am, if I leave it's not likely I'll be able to find my way back. Not to mention that I don't trust myself to warp that far: I could end up inside a tree or underwater, or something.*

*I see. Want me to go try and get help?*

*Please do.*

There was a long pause. I was left alone with my thoughts, before one of the other hostages, a middle-aged woman with glasses and brown hair decided to strike up a conversation. I recognised her from the fourth room, she and her two children had been quick to flee once I opened an escape.

"Did they take your portal thing?"

“I don’t see any way I could use it, even if they did. We’re all chained here, so we can’t go through.”

There was silence for a moment as the woman thought.

"You mean you still have it?"

“I’m not entirely sure if they’re able to take it.”

"Are you able to aim it?"

“What do you mean?”

"What happens if, for instance, you aimed it at those chains holding you up?"

At first I dismissed that as an impossibility. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized impossibility no longer existed for me.

“I’ll give it a shot, I suppose.”

Focusing directly on the chains above me proved a little harder, but I wasn’t going anywhere. Several failed tries left me more and more frustrated. As I finally succeeded, it snapped open for a moment, before dropping me hard onto the floor. It closed as I impacted the hard concrete, my concentration immediately shattered..

I spat out some blood and lifted myself up. The rest of the hostages turned towards the noise, noticed me free, and began murmuring once more.

"Do you think you’d be able to use that to get us all out from here?"

“Probably not. It takes a lot of energy to send a person through, and I don’t think it’d be right leaving people here. Bringing someone in here won’t work either, because unless we're able to pick open the door, everyone in here would know if we tried to escape.”

"Do you think you can at least cut all our chains too?"

“I would, but I don’t trust myself to aim the portal at other people with that much precision. If it cut chains, it can certainly cut flesh. You saw how long it took for me to cut myself down.”

"So what do we do then?"

Like an angel of coincidence, Nil’s message reached my mind.

*I found this building with a bunch of humans entering it. From what I can hear, the humans are going in and complaining about a “kidnapping”. Seem familiar?*

*That’s great! See if you can’t get help.*

The woman gave me a look of confusion as she saw my face light up.

"What are you so happy about?"

“Help should be on its way soon!”

"How can you be so sure?"

“My friend told me.”

The woman snickered a bit.

"You’re telling me, that not only did they miss your portal device, but they also missed your communicator? Goddamn idiots! Are you able to send messages back?"

“Yes. And as I said, they’re probably not able to take them from me.”

"They’re implanted?"

“Something like that.”

*Uh, Vis? In case you don’t remember; I’m a pokemon. Humans can’t understand me. How exactly do you want me to talk to the people in there?*

“GODDAMMIT!!!”

The woman flinched at my sudden, seemingly unprovoked outburst.

"What’s wrong?"

“This is going to be a bit more painful than I expected. It seems that it’ll be quite hard for my partner to get help.”

"Why’s that?"

“Because she’s a pokemon.”

Once again, the woman thought for a moment, and replied.

"Ask her if she sees a device shaped like a hatchet, flat but with a piece sticking out."

Slightly confused, I began relaying messages.

*Yeah, there’s one lying on this counter here.*

"If she sees one, tell her to grab it, and try and portal it into here.”

There was a slight pause, and then panic from Nil.

*OKAY NOW THE HUMANS ARE CHASING ME.*

*Get to safety, I’ll try and open a portal when you stop.*

It was quite fortunate that Umbreons are very good at hiding.

*Okay, I’m ready. Open it, I’ll throw it in.*

This gate proved easier than the others, as this time I was transporting a small device, rather than a living person. Moments later, I held a communicator of some kind, and judging by the rapid vibration and frantic chimes, the owner was desperate to get it back.

After throwing a glance towards the people watching me, I lowered the volume to the minimum, and turned it on. The voice, even diminished to the least possible, was still clearly audible.

"SO YOU FINALLY ****ING PICK UP, HUH? WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT GODDAMN PURPOSE DO YOU HAVE FOR STEALING RANGER UNION PROPERTY?"

The voice paused for a moment as if another conversation was happening. I turned the volume back up, to listen to the background conversation.

"What do you goddamn mean 'The location tracker jumped'?"

"I mean that two seconds ago it was still in Vientown, and now it’s over here."

"That’s impossible. I just watched an Umbreon limp off carrying it."

"In all my years, these tracking devices have never failed. Either a flying pokemon picked it up and flew over, or something else happened."

I turned the volume back down as I prepared for the yelling to begin again. Luckily, the voice was much calmer this time; I could barely hear the first few sentences he spoke as I recalibrated the volume.

"You better have a good reason for this."

“First, I’d like to know who this is.”

The voice sighed, and identified himself as Wayne, the current leader of the Vientown ranger auxiliary corps, and that I had indeed stolen his newest recruit’s communication unit.

I quickly explained the situation, stopping briefly to refute sceptical claims, before finally waved off and told to find an adult.

Shrugging, I moved towards the woman who had helped before, and held the communicator near her mouth. I explained the ranger’s unwillingness to listen to her, to which she agreed to help prove my point.

"This is Karen Shelby, Pokebiologist working for the Ranger Union. Everything that boy said is true. We’re currently held in an unknown area, and likely being held hostage for ransom."

The ranger’s voice softened as he heard an adult. I couldn’t help but be slightly offended at not being believed.

"So this kid’s “portal” joke is a real thing?"

"I saw it in action, and it’s how he managed to get your communicator here. According to him, he’s got some of communicator with a pokemon as well."

"Ignoring the obvious impossibility of that, these men holding you; do they look like a member of a criminal gang?"

"I wish. They look like terrorists. I’m almost entirely sure they’re trying to ransom us off."

"We’ll send a dispatch team to get you out, as soon as we can. However, you’ll need to sit pretty; according to our scanners, you’re somewhere out in the ocean; probably on one of the old abandoned oil platforms we keep finding everywhere."

"Thank you. Please come soon."

With that, Karen rolled her eyes, and slumped back into a more comfortable position.

*So uhh… A couple of humans found me.*

*What are they doing?*

*Seems like they’re using these top things to try and circle around me.*

*Do they look dangerous?*

*No, not really. They're getting mad when I walk into the top though. It's funny.*

Although I felt a weird tingling, I ignored it. There were more pressing matters at hand.

*Doesn’t seem like they’re trying to hurt me anyhow, and judging by how they’re acting, they’re getting quite frustrated by my lack of reaction.*

*So what are you going to do?*

*I think I’m going to have a nap.*

Much later, I would learn that the two rangers sent out to capture Nil were put on suspension for a month, solely due to the amount of profanity that ensued.

 

[Shattersoul]

Rewrites of all 15 chapters (and the prologue) are finally done! I should be able to start working on the next chapters soon. (Phew.)

 

[Shattersoul]

Chapter 16: Hero of Desparation

Chapter 16: Hero of Desparation​

It was no surprise when the sound of a person approaching the door reached my ears. It was obvious that they would check on the prisoners: after all, we had escaped them once before. While the rest of the captives were still chained up, I was not; and due to how exactly they had chained me up, it would be impossible to fake still being trapped. I would have to improvise. I had nothing on my person, besides the metal rings that had before held me up, and about an inch of chain trailing off of each of the rings. Shuddering about how badly this could go wrong, I took up position beside the door, whispered to the other captives to be silent, and readied myself for the only option remaining.

The door swung inwards, and a guard walked through. He was not as tough-looking as the group that had captured us, obviously a rookie rather than a veteran. He had a key ring in one hand, a knife in its sheathe on one leg, and a holstered gun on the other. Panicking, I contacted Nil for assistance.

*Nil! Are you there?*

*Yeah. I’m here. What’s wrong?*

*There’s a guard coming into the room. I cut myself loose, so if he finds me, I’m done for.*

*And? What are you asking?*

*What should I do? I can’t sneak away: there’s no way I can get out of here in time.*

The guard was talking to himself as he strolled towards the back of the room. I couldn’t see his eyes from where I was standing, but from the way he walked, I could tell he was exhausted.

“I can’t believe I have to go check on the prisoners... We've went overboard, they're in a locked, sealed room. Hell, the kid that tried to get away last time is suspended, for crying out loud. This should be Larry's duty, he's in charge of feeding them...”

*Do you still have anything?*

*Nothing besides the manacles that were hanging me up…*

*There. That’s your answer.*

The novice began each of the prisoners, starting from the side opposite from where I was before.

*What?*

*Use the manacles to knock him unconcious.*

*You mean attack him?*

“Let’s see. You folks enjoying your stay? Anything I can ask the kitchen to go get you? The sky, and about ten dollars, is the limit.”

*What’s the big deal? You ask me to fight other Pokemon all the time, and I don’t whine about it.*

*That’s different! Pokemon can survive things humans can’t! This guy has a gun!*

*Really? If humans are weak, how are you still alive?*

*It just seems so risky. What if I screw up?*

*Then don’t screw up.*

He paused for a moment as he spied my chains, which had been hanging free ever since I cut myself loose.

I shook my head. Nil was right; there was no way out of it besides to attack the guy. However, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get a good shot if I just swung at him.

“What the hell? How did that happen? And where the hell is the kid?”

I stood up as quietly as I could, and took up a stance to strike. The other prisoners had begun giving me a wide-eyed look of confusion.

“The hell did this happen? These chains are solid metal! This cut is clean! You there! Scientist chick! Did you see where the kid went? How the hell … Oh. Oh no.”

As soon as I saw him begin to reach for his gun, I threw my leg around his, before quickly pulling back. The guard stumbled forward, thrown off balance by my sweep, and impacted the wall with a thunk. Following up my initial move, I clubbed him on the back of the head with the shackles, just to make sure he was unconscious.

Although I expected my jumping of the guard to make a lot of noise, the metal walls quickly devoured any dissonance. It seemed that this room was soundproof.

Wasting no time, I searched the guard, quickly seizing his keys, his weaponry, and his wallet. I pocketed the wallet as I began unlocking the prisoners from their bindings. The elderly man’s arms remained up even after being released; he blamed his old joints having locked.

“What purpose does a soundproof, metal room with chains attached to the ceiling serve?”

Karen snickered a bit, and replied quietly.

“Seems whoever lived here was into very strange things.”

Unsure of what she meant, I instead focused on what we had to do.

“Assuming the Rangers are here soon, we should be safe. Can some of you watch that guy? I knocked him out, but I’m not sure he won’t come to.”

Someone else muttered quietly as I continued my train of thought.

“We should be safe for ten or so minutes, until they send another guard to check on this one. I get a feeling, however, that the next one won’t be as inattentive as the last.”

Karen grabbed the communicator as some of the captives helped me gag the guard. As we chained him up to one of the sets of manacles, Nil checked in.

*I’m assuming you’re not dead?*

*Not yet, that’s for sure.*

*Keep it that way.*

*I’ll try, but no guarantees.*

As we finished restraining him, the communicator began ringing once more.

“Uh, hello? This is Wayne. We’ve run into a slight hitch.”

Those were not words that any of us wanted to hear. Karen, who assumed that another person talking would raise a flag, responded.

“What kind of ‘hitch’ are we talking about, here?”

“We’re at the site, but it’s sealed up tight. You’re in one of the old oil rigs, back when they made them to last. Anyway, it seems your captors have closed the main gate, and if this rig is anything like the others we’ve seen, that’s the only way in. That’s not the problem, however. The problem is that these gates are thick: an Electrode going off right beside it wouldn’t even scratch it. We’ve got hackers set up to try to open it, but it looks like they killed the power from the inside. What is your situation down there?”

A palpable feeling of panic had descended upon the room, but we held our composure. Karen responded, voice only slightly wavering.

“Everyone down here is free, and we’ve got a guard gagged up and restrained down here too. We have his key, but are planning on staying in here in hopes of being unnoticed.”

“How the hell did that happen… Let me guess… The kid?”

“Tripped the guard, then whacked him with a manacle. Judging from the way the guard’s eyes looked, he was either stoned, or really out of it.”

“At least I can believe that.”

I butted in.

“So you’re saying they killed the power from inside the building?”

“From the looks of it, they only took down the outer access pad. I’d assume they still have power elsewhere, otherwise there wouldn’t be lights on inside.”

Karen handed me the communicator, having long since begun assuming I had a plan.

“What if I snuck up there and opened the door from the inside?”

The ranger laughed dismissively at me.

“Hah, kid, you got a sense of humor. You got no training, no Pokemon, and no backup, and you seriously think that you can make it to the keypad?”

“Yes.”

The laughter stopped.

“You are aware, that if you screw up, you’re dead, right?”

“If I don’t try, we’re dead anyway.”

A short pause later, the one of the communicator’s buttons began blinking.

“Alright kid. I’ll let you take a shot at it. We’ve sent a map of the building to that comm unit, with the main entrance highlighted. It’s only two floors above you, but it’s likely to be heavily guarded. I’m not sure if they have Minremo tech, but even if they don’t, there’ll probably be wild Pokemon roaming the halls anyway.”

He continued: “Despite what you think, the goal here isn’t to stop them, it’s to get the gate open so we can extract you and the rest of the hostages. Trying to pick a fight is a very, very bad idea. These stupid pricks have gotten braver lately, they must be trying to fill the power vacuum that formed when we took down Dim Sun. Just be careful out there; this place is a labyrinth. Also: the code for the door release is six-three-nine.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. If there’s one thing I know how to navigate, it’s a labyrinth.”

“I’m not even going to try to make sense of what you just said. Wayne out.”

I took a deep breath, before handing the knife to Karen. I wouldn't need it, but I knew that even if it was immoral, having some sort of weapon in the room would be helpful if a patrol came knocking. Hoping that would not happen, I stepped out into the hallway.

Escaping from criminals intent on murder? Why did this feel familiar? As I began my escape, I swore quietly to myself.

“There better not be any ****ing Zubats in this building.”

The map pinpointed my current position as being in the basement. Tracing a path through the floors, I felt my heart sink. In order to reach the entrance, I’d need to sneak through four rooms at least, more if I had to take a detour.

The basement level was quite sparse, having only three doors leading out from it, along with stairs leading upwards. Snoring echoed from one of the rooms, warning me of possible reinforcements appearing from below. I ascended the stairs as quietly as I could, before pressing my ear against the door to listen.

After several moments of silence, I carefully opened the door, revealing a storage room of sorts, with wooden crates littering the area haphazardly. Checking a few of the crates revealed them as empty, save for one which housed a family of Ratata. I had nearly made it to one of the doors when loud, clumsy footsteps spurred me into action. Picking a crate at random, I threw myself inside, praying that it would be unoccupied. Through the thin walls of the dusty crate, I heard a familiar voice.

“So yer saying that there’s rangers outside?”

“Yeah, boss. No clue how they got here, there’s no way they could have found us this fast. Even if one of the witnesses told them, this place is hidden!”

“Obviously not hidden enough!”

The steps came closer. I held my breath, afraid of revealing any hint of my presence. An itch had formed where my skin contacted the crate, but I ignored it.

“Jord, ya really need to do something about them crates. Why do we even have em?”

A loud thud followed by several shrieks came from somewhere to my left. I assumed he had kicked the crate full of Ratata.

“There’s goddamn rats in these boxes, man. Get ya act together!”

“But boss! There’s rangers outside!”

“If these floors can handle supporting your fat ***, then they can survive some rangers trying to break in. I’m not worried.”

I continued sitting motionless until I was sure that they had left. The itchiness had increased, but I still did my best to ignore it: there were still more pressing matters at hand. Carefully stepping out, I checked the map once more. Mentally crossing out the direction they had departed towards, I continued my egress.

I continued moving as fast as I could without making noise, avoiding incoming patrols whenever I could, and hiding if that was impossible. Several times I encountered wild Pokemon roaming the halls, but luckily they were more interested in keeping their territory than directly attacking, and thus ignored me. I couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if I had crossed the area with Nil beside me; another intruding Pokemon would have whipped the wild Pokemon into a frenzy. Soon, I was but a room away from the exit. Unfortunately, this room happened to be their control center.

The control room was a multi-level checkpoint, with metal stairs connecting the floor I was on with the floor below it. The catwalk spanning the distance was mesh, preventing any chance of simply crawling across. As I crept to a corner of the room and peered down, I revealed three of the thugs: two were focused on the metal stairs, and were pointing their handguns at the entry point, fingers on the trigger. The third's eyes were glued to a monitor, which I could only assume was linked to outside.

I tried several times to figure out how to sneak past the hostiles within the room, before I just went with the simple, and most elegant solution: opening a gate out of sight, on the other side. Another few minutes later, I stood by the door to outside. After another minute or so of searching, I found the emergency manual control, and began the door's opening routine.

Sunlight streamed inside as the solid steel door slowly creaked open.

 

[Shattersoul]

Chapter 17: Bewilderment

Chapter 17: Bewilderment​

How good it felt back then. To be a hero. To make a difference. It only made the pain which came later feel that much worse. Of course, I had to ask Nil something before we continued. Something much less heroic.

*So while I was off playing hero, what were you doing?*

*Remember those Rangers that came to collect me?*

*Yes, what about them?*

*I followed them around, running into their top whenever they tried to use it. They got quite upset.*

*Upset is a bit of an understatement. From what I heard later, you made one of them quit in frustration.*

*Haha… Really?*

*Yes, really. It really doesn’t surprise me that this is one of the few things you remember about your past. Always determined to make an *** out of yourself.*

There is a short, and extremely awkward pause.

* . . . This year was the first time in sixty years I have laughed.* Nil admits.

*Really?*

*Everything just felt so hollow… It was impossible to truly care.*

*And yet you kept going?*

*We both felt like we had a role to play, and we still do.*

*Perhaps some day we will be remembered as heroes, or at least, for history to truly understand what we were.*

*We can only hope.*

- - -​

As soon as the door was even half open, I ducked through, determined to get out of the line of fire. Outside, several people in red uniforms crouched behind metal barrels, all holding communicators similar to mine. I could only assume that they were Rangers, but right then, my priority was to get the heck away from the door.

Looking up, I saw several Staraptors descending, each holding a corner of a net wrapped around a Rhyhorn. They gingerly lowered it to the ground, dropped the net, and then flew away into the distance. One of the rangers left cover to free the Rhyhorn, and to whisper something into its ear, before gesturing to his fellows.

“GO!”

The Rhyhorn, having heard the command, charged forwards, through the now-open gate. I heard panicked cries from within, intermixed with the sounds of gunfire, and of bullets bouncing off of the Rhyhorn’s shell. Soon afterwards I heard a massive thud, most likely the Rhyhorn falling off the top level.

Two of the three rangers behind the barrels got up to follow the Rhyhorn in, determined to seize the opportunity before the enemy could regroup.

The Ranger that was left behind pulled out his communicator, and began speaking.

“Command? Come in command. We’re in. Get Wayne’s contact online, congratulations are in order.”

The device I was holding began vibrating, and deciding to have some fun, I walked over towards the now-distracted ranger. I didn’t bother turning on my communicator, instead pretending that I had patched in. The entire time, I held my hand in front of my mouth, to sound slightly muffled.

“Hello?” I replied, doing my best to stifle laughter.

“I’m not sure how you did it, but the door’s open. Do you need someone to come get you out?”

“Oh, I’m sure that I’ll be fine.”

“Why’s that? It’s about to get real hot in there!”

I tapped the ranger on the shoulder. He jumped in surprise, and dropped his communicator.

“Whaa? You’re just a kid! You mean Wayne wasn’t joking?”

Now closer to the ranger, I got a better look at him. He was middle aged, with blonde hair and green eyes. On his lapel, a badge signaling his authority sat, an onyx ringed with topaz, moonstone, and ruby. Engraved across its surface was the word “Vatonage”.

“I get that a lot.”

Obviously still shaken from being snuck up on, the ranger bent down to retrieve his dropped device. He fiddled with the device for several moments, before the voices on the other end were clearly audible.

“Samuel! Come in! Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, command. Wayne’s contact snuck up behind me and startled me, that’s all.”

“So this kid managed to sneak up on you?”

“Well, it does explain how he got out, doesn’t it.”

Not wanting to leave the others waiting, I butted in once more.

“I not trying to be rude, but the hostages are all free downstairs, in the basement level. They were armed with a handgun before I left, and they might be a bit high strung, so you MIGHT want to be careful down there. It’s probably a good idea to get them to safety before you clear everyone out, right?”

Samuel nodded his head and pressed another button.

“Kim! This is Samuel. You have a new objective: you have to extract the hostages from the basement level. Be careful! They’re armed; our contact gave them a gun before opening the door for us. Samuel out!”

“I don’t think we could’ve pulled this off without you, kid! Now that I think about it… What is your name? It feels sorta unprofessional to just refer to you as ‘Kid’.”

“My name is … “

I had forgotten my old name, the name I was born with. I didn’t even remember what my family’s name was, only the name I had created for myself, several months ago.

“My name is Vis.”

“That’s a bit of a strange name. Is it foreign?”

“No, not really. I made up the name when I made another go at the Sinnoh Pokemon League.”

“One second, please.”

He reactivated his device.

“Come in command, do you read me?”

“Yes Samuel, we read you.”

“Wayne’s contact just gave me more details about himself. Get this: he’s a thirteen-year-old pokemon trainer with a made-up name from Sinnoh! And even better: he snuck through the entire base only wearing his pajamas!”

There was a chorus of laughter from the other side. One of the voices on the other side spoke, choking back laughter as he did.

“Holy crap, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!”

“Samuel out, we should be back in an hour or so. We’ll bring the contact in with us on the way back.”

He closed his device and turned back to me. He was still smiling.

“Wow, a Pokemon Trainer that actually does something! Usually they’re pretty useless without their Pokemon. So, Vis, if you’re a Pokemon Trainer, how many pokemon do you own? Twenty? Thirty? I assume they took all of them when you came through the borders.”

Although I knew what he was saying was offensive, I knew within myself that what he said was true. Most trainers were single-minded, determined to progress forward, while completely ignoring the twists and turns life tried to throw at them.

“One.”

“Just one?”

“Never needed more than one.”

“Did the border guards take it, or?”

*Nil, you still there?*

*Not right now, I’m busy.*

“No, she’s definitely here. She was with me when we walked through the border.”

Samuel raised an eyebrow.

“Do you mind bringing her out so I can take a look?”

“Sure. Lemme just check to see if she’s busy.”

*Nil, I’m going to open a gate at your position to me.*

*Everything’s fine?*

*No, I’m all done here. This ranger guy is asking to meet you. He’s wearing a fancy badge, and everything.*

*Fine… I’ll leave these two alone.*

I started concentrating on Nil’s current position. According to what I could tell, she was in the center of a city, beside a pair of young-looking rangers who were glaring at her in anger, mouths open and sprouting incomprehensible fury. I shrugged my shoulders as I began to open the gate. Samuel, who I could still feel the gaze of, since begun giving me the ever-present look of confusion that followed my presence everywhere.

“Are you all right kid?”

Through Nil’s eyes, I could almost see the rookie rangers jump back in terror when the gate finally opened, almost identically to what Samuel did when the other end appeared before me. Nil appeared in front of me not a moment later, giving me a look of mischief. The gate snapped shut behind her. Rather than give away her injury, Nil chose to instead stand firm.

*A good enough entrance for you, Human? Also: you wouldn’t BELIEVE the mouth of your rookies!*

Samuel was not impressed. Instead, he was visibly shaken.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”

“Well, she was still in Vientown…”

“No, I mean that vortex thing!”

“Oh that!” I said dismissively. I personally had no clue how it worked either, which was a fact I'd rather pretend to be unimportant, rather than me just being clueless. “That’s just a trick we picked up over our travels.”

“If you don’t mind, after we’re done here, can you and your Umbreon come with us back to our labs? I really want to know what the hell that was.”

“That would be great! I’ve been hoping to have it examined myself.”

I removed the communicator I had stolen earlier from my pocket.

“Also, Wayne probably wants this back. Nil here borrowed it for me.”

Visibly stifling questions, Samuel accepted the device, and stored it in his bag for later. Still, I decided I might as well ask why criminals always seemed to carry around guns nowadays, if Pokemon can simply shrug them off.

“Why is it that criminals nowadays always carry around weapons? I heard a long time ago they just used Pokemon to do their dirty work.”

“I’m assuming you’ve run into criminals before, then? Anyway, they only started carrying around weapons as a method of dealing with people, before they can call out a Pokemon. While a Pokemon is often stronger than any weapon they can make, they take time to take people down. In addition, those handguns can, and often do take down weaker Pokemon. Lastly, guns have a much longer range than even the best-trained Pokemon, meaning that even if a trainer's able to deploy a durable Pokemon to defend themselves, if they're not properly hidden, they can be picked off. Luckily, it takes special weaponry to even scratch rock or steel pokemon, not to mention ghost pokemon, who just laugh at them. We’ve started using Rhyhorns as a distraction so we can mop up without any chance of injury.”

He continued, “If your Umbreon takes a bullet, it’s in rehab for a month. If a Rhyhorn takes a bullet, it just gets angry. But if a human takes a bullet… They could be out for a year. I suppose that’s why they’re using weapons now: it’s far too easy to counter any Pokemon they have with another, but any ranger they put out of commission just makes it easier for them on their next operation. I'm not sure about the exact details in other places, but there's another factor here: since Pokeballs are forbidden here, they've been falling back on firearms entirely.”

“Actually, Nil here’s sort of in rehab right now anyway. Healing from being crushed by a Steelix.”

“I thought they used the energy conversion system over there? If there is only one thing about Pokeballs we do appreciate, it be how they manage to accelerate the healing process immensely.”

“Nil doesn't have a Pokeball. Hers exploded when I tried to recall her over a month ago.”

“So you’re telling me, your Pokemon is following you around without you needing to control her?”

*I’m more in charge of keeping this idiot from killing himself.*

“It’s a little more like we don’t really have a reason to split up. Plus, I doubt I could control her even with a Pokeball… She didn’t listen back then, either. Also: she says the rookies you sent to capture her have a bit of a temper.”

“Vis, I have no clue what the heck to say. All I know, is that the sooner we get you the lab, the sooner I’ll be able to ask questions that make any sort of sense. You’re saying you can understand your Umbreon, too? Would you be able to understand, for instance…” He pointed skywards towards a passing Wingull, “That Wingull there?”

“I’ve tried. I think I only understand Nil, not other Pokemon.”

*Not like they ever have anything interesting to say either. Always either ‘KILL’ or ‘EAT’ or ‘HUNGRY’, or in the case of trainer Pokemon, ‘Yes? Yes. Yes? Yes!’ I swear, it’s like they’ve been lobotomised.*

“Well, no point just crouching down here, I’m going to go sit down somewhere while you guys clear them out. When we head out though, I need to take a shower. Whatever was down there made me super itchy.”

*Speaking of which, I’m starting to feel it as well.*

As I searched for a suitable spot on the deck, I heard Samuel’s final exclamation of disbelief.

“What the hell?...”

 

[Omegagoldfish]

Interesting, very interesting...
I see no grammar or spelling errors, so I will give you a point there.

So far, we have our as of yet unnamed protagonist, and a Pokémon named Nil.
After a bit of conversation between the two talking about Dungeons (Mystery Dungeons? I think so), we get a flashback, which introduces Mr/Ms/ Protagonist as a Trainer failure, and states that Pokémon journeys were basically state and society sanctioned eugenics.

The world you are making seems interesting, but there is something off here. (I am on chapter one)

I will continue reading, expect more reviews.

(Guess, as of Chapter I: The protagonist is a Yamask in the future, which is PMD)

(Edit)
Alright, I have finished Chapter Two!
Our protagonist is revealed to be seeking Turnback Cave, as he has explored thousands of ruins, and is now bored.
The man named Dyllan made an amusing reference to Gen I, so I guess I'll give you credit for making me laugh.
(Other than that, I saw little within chapter two)
(He mentioned something lasting centuries: Guess as of chapter two: the trap made him immortal)
Chapter Three!
The entrance to Tunrback Cave was very well written, and the ruins within were well described, although I didn't really understand the trap or how it worked (which I guess is intentional)
Nil being able to speak is a bit jarring, but I guess I will just have to go with it for now.

I'll read more tomorrow.

 

[Shattersoul]

Thank you much for taking the time to read what I've written.

Pretty much everything that seems strange, or abandoned midway will become important later, I really like throwing out the plot points early.

As for the lack of grammar or spelling errors... Three rewrites will do that for you.

 

[Omegagoldfish]

Alright, also I just noticed the summary, now I know the name of the protagonist (Vis)
I am somewhat unsure about your timeline, can you add me to the PM list, and send me a draft of your timeline?
Thank you.

 

[AmericanPi]

Hey Shattersoul, American--Pi here again, and welcome to the Weekly Review. Since I've already reviewed your fic for my Weekly Review twice, I don't think I'll need to give an explanation on how the Weekly Review works. Here is a previous review I did for you in case you need a refresher or something, but I'm pretty sure we can get straight to the review.

This week, I'm reviewing Chapter 13 to Chapter 17, the chapters that were posted since my last review, along with all of your edited chapters.

Dialogue
I still noticed that in your writing you don't always make it clear who said what. Usually it's pretty clear who's saying what, considering that there's an exchange between two characters, but then you have situations like this:

I hadn’t. I was too tired from opening the gate to pay close attention to what the thugs were carrying. And I could have paid the price. It was lucky that I was simply trapped, rather than sitting within a shallow grave, a bullet lodged in my head.

*What’s the situation like, over there?*

*I'm hanging from the ceiling, and can’t feel my arms. There don’t appear to be any cameras, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to get out of here.*

Here's one situation where it would really help if you made it clear who said what, even if it's only through a small dialogue tag like "I said/thought/said telepathically". I knew from the telepathy tag that either Vis or Nil was saying the first line of dialogue after the narration, but I had to read the second paragraph of dialogue to figure out that the speaker - erm, thinker - of the first line of dialogue was Nil, not Vis. Currently, without the second line of dialogue, you don't know who exactly said "What's the situation like, over there?".

To solve this, I would add a dialogue tag:

*What's the situation like, over there?* Nil asked.

The bottom line with dialogue is to always make sure it's clear who is saying what, and how. A good rule to follow when writing dialogue is, if there's a conversation between two characters, only drop the dialogue tag after the second line. Like this:

"Line one," she said.

"Line two!" he exclaimed.

"Line three…"

"Line four."

This way, it's clear that "she" is saying lines one and three, and "he" is saying lines two and four.

Enjoyment

The thin walls, while artistic, could only stoke the fire further.

About half of them are curious, a few are terrified, and a few children are lining up to throw rocks at it.

I loved these lines so much, not gonna lie. It's a great example of the fic's dark, ironic, and delicious humor. I'm still seeing plenty of that humor spaced throughout these chapters, and it works wonders in adding spice to the fic. I'd say to keep doing what you're doing - the amount of humor is currently perfect and fitting for your fic.

Humor aside, I'm still thoroughly enjoying this fic. The criminal organization is an interesting twist, because now we have clear antagonists aside from Vis's confusion. I'm still interested in learning what exactly happened to Vis and what will happen to himself and Nil. Keep up the good work!

Plot
Let me just say that I really, really like the way you're rewriting your story. You're fleshing out a lot of backstory, characters, and scenes. I especially like the way you added in the explanation behind the draft and the description of Vis's appearance. Rewriting is something I've actually only done once before, guiltily enough, so I recently designated February as "Rewrite Month" (first step: Rewrite "Experience", the ancient one-shot I wrote a couple years back).

However, there's one thing that's been bugging me as I read your rewritten story: How old was Vis exactly when he first began his Pokemon journey (began, not restarted)? In some places you say he was ten, but you make it clear that in your universe trainers start at different ages, and I'm pretty sure that in some parts of your story you say that Vis was older when he began. Maybe, like I said before, Vis is forgetting everything that's happened to him over the centuries, so if that's the case the inconsistencies in starting age would make more sense.

Also, why were Rangers trying to capture Nil? What exactly was she doing when she and Vis got separated? It isn't that important, but I had those questions on my mind regardless.

In addition, where is the hotel that caught on fire? Is it in Almia, or the mainland (which I believe is Sinnoh)? At the end of Chapter 13 Vis and Nil hitch a ride on a boat headed for the mainland, but near the end of Chapter 14 Vis is disappointed that "even this region has an active criminal organization", implying that he isn't in Sinnoh. Then… where is he? Unless I missed something, at this point he and Nil seem to be in neither Sinnoh nor Almia. Maybe Almia itself consists of a mainland and several outer islands, one of which Vis and Nil were exploring. Like I said before, I've never played Shadows of Almia. If that's the case, that makes a lot of sense, but I would suggest making it clearer where Vis and Nil are.

I'm glad that Vis agreed to be examined while he was talking with Samuel - this can be a very interesting reveal. However, where exactly were Vis and Samuel when they were talking? To me it seemed like they were just outside the criminal base which in turn is in the middle of the ocean, and unless I'm missing something, isn't that really dangerous for everyone?

Pace
I like the direction where this story is going, but you did mention that you were very close to the halfway point. Congratulations! However, I feel that if it's already the halfway point it's coming too quickly. How did Vis go from an adventurous, heroic teen to the sad, contemplative immortal he is now? For some reason I feel that that progression is a very long and sad one, so don't be afraid to take your time in telling the story of someone who's lived for centuries and watched everything crumble to dust around him.

tl;dr Don't be afraid to slow down and take your time to tell a very interesting and compelling story.

Really looking forward to your next chapters! Unfortunately I may not be able to review your fanfic that often from now on - there are just a lot of fanfics both here on SPPf and on FFN - but I'm trying to figure out a workable review schedule. Rest assured though, I'll do my best to review this fanfic once a month because this is a pretty good fic. Keep up the good work!

- Pi

 

[Shattersoul]

Thank you Pi, for the review. Might as well answer your questions, because what you're bringing up is probably me tripping up.


His age: I went back through my drafts and changed it to 12, because I realized that this little change would change his odds of surviving from impossible to just extremely unlikely. Any part where I left it at 10 was a mistake.
Minimum age should be 14, maximum age is 17, and delinquents can be thrown out at age 10, but before that is just straight out murder.


The rangers trying to capture Nil: From their perspective, Nil had just crept into a command center, and stolen a vital piece of communication equipment, before running off into the distance. 3/4 of the jobs you do as a rookie Ranger in the game is calm down Pokemon who stole things, and get them to return them. As for the foul mouth... Let's just say I had some bad experiences playing Pokemon Ranger, and if a pokemon acted like Nil was, I'd have smashed my DS in disgust. (Stay away from my lines so I can defeat you, dammit!)

As for what Nil was doing before being summoned, she was being a jerk. Following the rangers around even after they gave up, preventing them from capturing ANYTHING. She finds this hilarious.


The "Mainland": Almia, in the games, is split up into three islands: The main continent, the desert continent, and Boyleland (The desert continent has a name, but I forgot it.). The hotel is within the main continent, as Boyleland is small (and either lush jungle, inside the volcano, or coated in houses), and the desert continent is underdeveloped.


The conversation: They were indeed on top of the criminal base. Samuel is the team leader, and in charge of relaying commands from base to his squadron (of three, including himself)


The halfway point: By halfway point, I mean that soon, I'll start explaining things, rather than just weaving more and more details to bring in later. There are still at least 20 chapters to go, but I hope that as I continue onwards, the strange occurrences from earlier on begin making sense.

 

[Shattersoul]

Chapter 18: The Truth

Chapter 18: The Truth​

By the time that I had finally found an appropriate spot on the rig's deck, my adrenaline high had long since ended. It was then that I was able to truly understand what I had done.

Once again, I had evaded certain death. However, unlike before, this time I had escaped completely unscathed: I had even managed to put on a little show for the ranger after I snuck out of the hornet's nest. For a moment I questioned the intelligence of flaunting my ability, but quickly pushed the minor doubts aside. I now had an excuse to get examined by real doctors, which I wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

I sat down upon the metal, and watched the clouds roll lazily by. My spot was just beside the water, and was kept cool by one of the stacks of crates which haphazardly littered the surrounding area. The ocean's waves crashed against the rig, slightly dampening my burned, torn pajamas. Nil done her best to sit down nearby, in the shade of a singular crate.

It was all perfect. Nothing had gone wrong, and the day was beautiful.

I wasn't used to that.

“Knowing my luck… Everyone downstairs is dead.”

*Uhh… What?*

“Everything went perfect. Something always, ALWAYS goes wrong.”

*Wait, so you’re telling me… That you can see patterns?*

“Nil, I even tried to warp you in from Pueltown, which is pretty much an entire continent away, and it worked fine.”

Nil paused for a moment, before going ballistic.

*You’re telling me, that you tried to open a gate, an entire continent away, AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME? That could have very well ended me right there. I thought you were on a boat somewhere nearby!*

“I’m just saying, I’m not used to flawless victory.”

*Or even any victory, if your previous performances are of any indication.*

A flock of Wingull passed directly overhead. Moments later, I saw a white dot become larger and larger. Assuming that there was no escaping my constant, terrible luck, I simply closed my mouth, and talked to Nil telepathically instead.

*Ahh… Here comes my luck now.*

*What? What’s wrong? Please don't tell me somethings about to go wrong.*

The pellet quickly descended, before colliding with the ocean, where it was swallowed by the blue depths.

*Nothing, never mind.*

*Don’t say that. It makes me nervous that something terrible is going to happen.*

I didn’t communicate it, but I could only assume that fate was just toying with me now.

I continued to watch the clouds roll lazily by, before the sound of footsteps drew my attention back towards the entryway. I wasn't sure whether they were friend or foe, but either way, going to check would be a good idea.

*Nil, just for the record, right now are you able to take down a surprised human?*

*Probably, as long as they don’t get a weapon out in time.*

*Good to know.*

I slowly picked myself up off of the metal floor. I caught a glimpse at my arm as I did so: It was quite red and blotchy where I had scratched it. The burn, that I had acquired there three hours ago, was completely gone. Nil was also scratching herself, but could not reach many places: her leg still only bent very little. It itched like crazy, and I couldn't help but voice my annoyance.

*I’m not sure what I picked up, but it’s worse than poison ivy!*

*Rather than complaining, you could scratch me, instead. I can’t reach anything on my back.*.

I spent a minute or so scratching Nil’s itches, but kept my eyes focused on the door. Eventually, the people who had attracted my attention stepped out. It was one of the rangers. Moments later, my fellow prisoners flooded out after her, and were lead behind a large box. I lifted myself up, and went to go greet them.

*The scratching doesn’t help the itch, but it just seems to get worse when you don’t.* Nil complained as I turned away.

*Maybe they have creams or something at their base?*

*They better, otherwise I’ll have to go steal some myself.* Although there was a bit of a joking tone to that, I couldn’t help but agree.

I walked across the deck, with Nil slowly following me. I did my best to conceal the blotches; I wasn’t keen on being shooed off for appearing to be contagious.

Karen greeted me as we came within a stone's throw of the box.

“Good job getting us out!”

“Thanks. Did they say how the everyone was going to get off of here?”

“Well… They said that they were calling in a boat to get everyone here back onto the mainland, and another to bring the crooks they captured to an interrogation area.. However, I’m hitching a ride on a Staraptor with the rangers: my vacation’s been cut short, and I’m needed back at the Union. That anxious to leave, huh?”

“No, not really. They’ve asked for me to come with them to the Union. I’m not sure whether it’s for a reward, or for something else, but one of the rangers asked me to go get examined in one of the labs.”

Karen laughed as I told her the news.

“And it just so happens that I’m one of the main scientists over at the biolabs! I was just taking a vacation after making a major breakthrough with advanced prosthetics, before… well, you were there, you know what happened.”

"Well, I doubt we're going to head out before the rest of the people here get to safety. Now, I suppose all we can do is wait."

Soon enough, a pair of boats approached the base. They came to a halt several feet away from the rig, dropped anchor, and extended small bridges across the remaining gap. A sailor exited the left boat, crossed the walkway, and began leading everyone else towards safety. Several thanked me as they left, but I could tell that they were all simply glad for the ordeal to be over. As I watched the final captive reach safety, I turned back towards the entrance. I wasn't sure if they still required help, but it wouldn't hurt to ask.

The rangers were just finishing up as I approached the main entrance once more. The other ranger was leading a group of four of the thugs to the surface, all of whom had been handcuffed together. Maurice and Ged were notably absent from their ranks.

“Are you sure you got them all?”

“A few escaped. From what I could tell, their leader and second in command escaped through a submarine. We’ll be on the lookout for them, but they've escaped justice for now.”

The ranger led the criminals towards the second boat, where a pair of burly sailors emerged from within to throw them into a holding cell. Whistling heartily, the sailors blew the boat’s horn, raised the anchor, and disappeared off into the distance.

The two rangers assembled in front of Samuel, for debriefing.

“Good job you two. I assume you guys ran into no trouble?”

The rangers murmured in agreement, before striking silly poses.

I waited for several moments, before asking Samuel about what I had just seen.

“So. What’s with the poses?”

Samuel scratched the back of his neck as he replied, somewhat sheepishly.

“Oh, that? That’s good for morale. It’s a way to show the populace that we’re still people, and like to have fun just like the rest of them.”

He glanced eastward.

“Well, looks like our rides are here. Jake, go get the biologist. We’re headed back to the Union.”

Three dark shapes descended, revealing themselves as Staraptors. They landed before us. Jake and Karen mounted one and Samuel mounted another, leaving me and Kim to ride the last one.

We began lifting off, but I couldn’t help but feel I was forgetting something.

*You idiot! What about me?*

I glanced downwards. Nil was standing underneath us, hackles raised and teeth bared. Taking a page from her book, I sarcastically commented this to the ranger beside me.

“My partner might be a bit angry if we leave without her. Is there any way for her to be brought back too?”

With a nod, Kim directed the Staraptor to descend, before scooping Nil up in its talons. While obviously uncomfortable, at least Nil wasn’t being left behind.

Although the flight itself was far from boring, I paid little attention to what we passed. Instead, I turned my attention towards Nil, who had begun a conversation with the Staraptor. I couldn't understand the Staraptor, but I could get the gist of the conversation by what little Nil was letting slip. I kept silent, intent on listening to my partner dig herself deeper into a hole.

*What do you mean, you don’t get paid enough for this?*

*Oh boo hoo, you need to fly humans around every once in awhile, I need to keep mine from killing himself constantly!*

*No, you shut up, you stupid contractor!*

*Fine. I’ll shut up, just please don’t drop me.*

I didn’t even bother to tell Nil I could hear her. It wouldn’t have done any good.

Kim turned to me and asked a question.

“Have you flown on a Staraptor before? You seem pretty calm.”

“Where I come from, riding Pokemon is pretty much one of the most common methods of moving about.”

“Well, that’s good. If you were panicking, this Staraptor would probably not listen very well. Right now, it’s already pretty upset. I wonder why?”

“No clue.”

I turned away, and rolled my eyes. Of course I knew.

*Nil, stop antagonizing the thing we’re flying on.*

*Well he’s a moron.*

As expected, Nil didn't listen.

“How close are we to the Union? I’m really hoping to clean myself off… Something in the crates down there made me feel super itchy.”

“We should be able to see it, right… about… now!”

We descended rapidly, before stalling ten feet above the ground. Ahead of us was a massive structure, shaped like an ancient castle. Red accents highlighted a blue, plexiglass door, while solar panels coated the roof of the structure. There was a soft crunch below us.

*Ow.*

I turned downwards. Nil was on the ground now, teeth gritted in pain, and was glowering at the Staraptor.

“I think the Staraptor just dropped my Umbreon.”

“Oh… Oops! Is it alright?”

***** YOU, BIRD, **** YOU.*

“I think so... I hope that didn't open up any old injuries.”

*Dammit Nil! You better hope that didn’t open up any old injuries: that mistake could’ve cost us another month of recovery time!*

After a little bit of coaxing, we were both on the ground. The Staraptor flew away shortly afterwards, but not before kicking some sand towards Nil. Unable to hold myself back any longer, I had to ask.

*What the hell did you say to it?*

*I asked it if it was like the rest of the idiot birds I’ve run into.*

*Was that really necessary?*

*I really, really didn’t like being held in its talons.*

*Next time, please don’t do that, you’re lucky it only dropped you at our destination, rather than over a rock, or even worse, over the ocean.*

I sighed, prompting a response from the ranger.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, but I get a feeling that my Umbreon doesn’t like flying.”

“Not many Pokemon do, so nowadays, when we do missions that require us to bring Pokemon with us, we have the Staraptors carry baskets for them to sit in. I personally have no clue how our retired rangers managed to transport a half-dozen Onyx on a single Staraptor.”

"I'm also pretty worried that my Umbreon could have gotten hurt by the fall, so I'm hoping to get inside as soon as we can."

Kim nodded her head.

“We should probably go inside, I get a feeling the others are waiting for me in the control room, and you need to go to the labs.”

“Fair enough.”

The inside of the building reminded me of a Pokemon Center, oddly enough: almost impossibly clean, with dormitories dotting the building’s interior. Nil limped behind us, determined to keep up.

My destination was on the second floor, a lab completely packed with computers and medical hardware. Karen looked up from the report she was reading as I opened the door.

“Oh, hey! While we do have other work to be doing right now, I think I owe you enough of a favor to get right down to it, yeah?”

She led me to a large, cylindrical machine which I identified as an x-ray machine. I had seen one of them before, at a human hospital, but this one had a much larger loading mouth than the ones designed for humans. I could only imagine that difficulty one would face trying to stuff an unwilling Pokemon into the machine.

“Well, might as well start with the basics. Let’s see if that device is implanted.”

I sat down inside the tray, and closed my eyes as the machine's scanner whirled around me. Moments later, the spinning stopped and the tray was ejected.

“Well, you’re in perfect condition. We can’t see any implanted devices, so that’s a bust.”

“Could you scan my Umbreon too?”

“Sure, why not.”

Nil was lifted onto the tray by an assistant, and the process was repeated. One of the scientists who was in charge of interpreting the readings spoke.

“What the…”

“Huh?” I was honestly curious about my partner’s condition.

“This Umbreon does NOT have any implants, but by judging from this scan, she’s got three fractured ribs, a torn hamstring, and three of her femurs are pretty badly cracked. However, she has absolutely no internal bleeding, and there is no cleanly broken bone anywhere.”

I blinked at them.

“Holy crap.”

“Holy crap, indeed. What is she now, two years into recovery?”

“Actually, she got flattened by a Steelix not a month ago. And about ten minutes ago, she got dropped ten feet by a Staraptor.”

“Really? If that were the case, she’d be in much worse shape. The fall alone would have broken one of the damaged bones, at the very least.”

“Would the medical supplies I used back in Sinnoh be a factor for her recovery?.”

“Those wouldn’t have done anything, they’re more for stopping bleeding and providing energy than for fixing deep injuries. They're actually mostly stimulants and stabilizers.”

*That’d certainly explain why everything hurts...*

Karen turned back towards me. “Well, normally I’d advocate bringing the Umbreon in for surgery, but if she’s healing that well, I think it might just be better to let her heal naturally.”

She continued, “If the x-rays didn’t bring anything up, might as well try a DNA test next. If anything, it’ll tell us who exactly you are.”

She retrieved two syringes from a nearby table, from a sealed container labelled “Sterile”.

“This might hurt a bit, but don’t worry.” I shook my head. A needle is nothing compared to a Pokemon attack.

“I’ve survived much, much worse.”

"I know that, but it's sort of standard procedure that we say that. It’s actually in our contracts, believe it or not."

One prick of a needle later, the syringe was full enough for their purposes. Nil had the process repeated on her, as well. Karen placed the now-filled syringes on a table, where they were quickly labelled by an assistant, and further shifted to within separate airtight containers.

“This’ll take a bit, why don’t you go clean yourself off while we analyse these results?”

“That’d be great, thanks.”



Forty minutes later, an assistant came to get me. I was still itchy, but noticeably less so. The staff had provided me with a change of clothes my size, which I had quickly discarded my burned and ripped pajamas in favor of. Together, Nil and I were led back to the lab, where the science team were awaiting me, concerned looks on their faces. Karen was the first to speak.

“First things first, I need to disprove my co-worker’s hypothesis.”

She retrieved a two-pronged metal rod from one of the side tables, and pressed a button, causing an electric current to jump from one side to the other.

“This device is more or less harmless, but if you’re a Ditto, it’ll force you back to your original form.”

She pressed it against me, causing a minor shock. I stood firm, waiting for the test to be over.

“There. Dennis: You’re an idiot.”

One of the other scientists groaned, “Well, there goes my answer.”

Another scientist chimed in, "You owe me fifty bucks, sucker."

I watched the two exchange a handful of coins as I stood still, confused.

“What were the results?” I asked

“Well, let’s start with the least surprising results and work our way from there.” Karen tapped her clipboard, and began to explain.

“Number one, your Umbreon has PokeRus, a parasitic organism that’s rather uncommon. It’s known to attach itself to the host’s immune system and feed off of lymphocytes. The only major problems you’ll run into are itchiness, and a much weaker immune system. Luckily, it tends to leave its host after about a week, after which the body throws itself into overdrive to repair the damage. You should just let it run its course, we’ve found that the replacement lymphocytes are much stronger than one in a pokemon who has never been infected with PokeRus. Also, since the new lymphocytes are much stronger than they were before, the host’s body is effectively immune to reinfection, along with being incredibly resistant to other kinds of disease.”

I saw one of the scientists pull Karen aside, and whisper to her. I couldn’t help but overhear.

“You sure that the kid even knows what a lymphocyte is? I think you might be using words that are too big for him.”

Shrugging slightly, Karen continued.

“Number two. You... also have PokeRus. We weren't sure how, since PokeRus only infects Pokemon. In fact, we've even run tests to see whether PokeRus is able to spread to humans, and every single test reported a invariant negative. Although we have decided that humans are ineligible for PokeRus, we think our third point is the exception."

“Number three… “

She paused for a moment, and took a deep breath.

“According to our scans, there's something strange going on with you. We're not sure what it is, but the sample we took from you was heavily charged with some sort of strange energy. This energy seems to be extremely similar to the energy readings from a place known as Chroma Ruins. Unfortunately, we haven't really taken a team down there to get an updated survey for at least a decade, so this data may be incorrect. Either way, we're not sure how you're even able to hold this energy, let alone how you even got it in the first place.”

She took another breath, before continuing.

“Your Umbreon is in a similar state, however she's much more stable, and easier to explain. Normally when an Eevee evolves, they absorb some sort of trait and integrate that, in this case, we think that the strange energy that we found is responsible for her being an Umbreon. Either way, your Umbreon's sample also contained quantities of the energy, with the exact same frequency and properties as the sample we've taken from you. We're completely stumped about how this could happen. There's also... another snag we ran into. We accidentally ran your sample through the test we use to gauge the power of wild Pokemon.”

Another pause.

"The first result was positive. The second, also positive. Of our sixty-five tests, over 80% of them were positive, meaning that whatever the energy is, you have some sort of control over it, just like how Pokemon have control of the energy that flows through them. Either way, something very strange is going on."

She gestured to her side, as an elderly man sporting dreadlocks walked into view.

“As we said, we had no clue how or why this had happened, so we started grasping at straws. Eventually, we gave up, and began trying wild guesses. Eventually, we reached the bottom of our list, and called up our spiritualist. His answer to our question was pretty outlandish, but it's the only one we have.”

The dreadlocked man appeared ancient, yet somehow still wise beyond his years. Well, either extremely wise, or extremely effective at APPEARING wise. He spoke quietly, but with a purpose.

“Science hasn’t accepted it fully, but there’s a belief about the nature of souls. A few specialists, like me, believe that Humans are simply just another type of Pokemon, except of a different type. However, since we lack the abilities of Pokemon, our theories state that whatever our type is, it has no powers of its own.”

He continued: “We know that types have something to do with personality, as most Pokemon which share types share a common personality from a narrow pool. We began theorizing that the broad range of Human personalities are caused by secondary types, in too low of a concentration to grant any power.”

“We began using spheres of fluid as a metaphor for souls, where every being has a particular main color, but can have several different impurities. We named this model the Hue Theory.”

"Using this theory, we tried to explain how two Pokemon are able to evolve in ways that seemed impossible to simple type theory: Azurill, and Eevee."

"Azurill is known for being a Normal type Pokemon, yet seemingly sheds this attribute as it ages, instead becoming Water type. Using our theory, we described the soul of an Azurill slowly becoming more and more tinted with the color, the type, of water. Eventually, it consumes the entirety of the soul's color, rendering the Azurill a pure water type."

“Similarly, we looked at Eevee, a pokemon known for evolving in more ways than any other. Our decision was that an Eevee’s soul is completely devoid of either hue or color, and thus, like a bucket of water, a single drop of color spreads through it like a wildfire.”

“What I think happened to you, is extremely similar to what happens to an Azurill: whatever this energy is, it's diluting your soul enough to allow you to control this power in ways beyond a regular human. Perhaps even enough to overpower the damping effect that human blood provides..”

“All of this is a theory, however. We've been unable to prove it, but so far it has withstood many attempts to disprove it. Please forgive me if it seems outlandish.”

I had to cut him off.

“So what you’re saying I’m a Pokemon?”

“For all purposes and intents, yes.”

I could only stare back at him blankly.

 

[Shattersoul]

Chapter 19: Denial

Chapter 19: Denial
​

I didn’t want to believe the guru, nor did I want to even acknowledge that he had brought his point up. Instead, I focused on the first and second points. The points I could do something about.

“Are there any medicines that reduce the itchiness from PokeRus?”

Karen could see my denial, but did not comment upon it.

“It really is quite rare, so there’s no direct treatment for it. However, general-use anti-inflammatories, or numbing cream should help somewhat.”

“That’s good. Where could we find some? This itch is driving us crazy.”

One of the assistants left for the medical bay, returning a couple of minutes later with a white container. The assistant gestured to us to take it.

“This should do the trick: normally we use this to treat poison ivy, or burns. Just be careful: you’ll be less sensitive in the areas you apply this to. I wouldn’t recommend spreading it with your hands. Here, take these gloves.”

“Thank you. Now you were saying something about a place called Chroma Ruins?”

I could see the entire room staring at me in pity. However, I couldn't accept the proof. I couldn’t handle the proof. Not then, and not for a long while to come.

“Chroma Ruins… It’s a place that was uncovered about fourty years ago, by a man named Brighton Hall. Ever since the Miniremo Crisis, it’s been under lock and key: the crystals that are mined within have several anomalous properties. To our luck, only a few of the many, many crystals have this property, but we still guard it, just in case another cache awaits within.”

“Is there a way for me to get inside, then?”

“I’m certain that if you ask the someone higher up, you could probably receive clearance to enter. If you do, the fastest way to enter through the old mountain oil rig. It’s normally only approachable by air, but I doubt that will slow you down.”

“If I’m going inside, I might as well be told what the difference between the crystals are.”

“According to research notes from a few decades back, the crystals exist in two states. The harmless state is clear, and harbors no properties whatsoever. The active state, the one we’re worried about, is obsidian black, but apparently they can be discharged by direct application of other types of crystal, known collectively as ‘Prince’s Tears.’”

“Do they ever exist in a state of in-between?”

“Never, at least according to our logs. They’re only ever either charged, or clear. Even when discharging them, they quickly return back to their charged state if the process is interrupted midway.”

“Thank you. I’ll be on my way now.”

As I left the room, I could hear Karen conversing with one of the researchers.

“Poor kid… was that really the only way to break the news to him?”

“We could have misled him, but what good would that have done? He’ll recover faster this way… The sooner he learns, the sooner he can accept it.”

I veered towards the nearest washroom, threw on the gloves, and practically doused myself in cream. I applied the remaining amount to Nil, who agreed wholeheartedly to my assessment. I threw the now-empty container into a nearby trashcan, disposed of the gloves, and stepped back into the hallway. As the scientists described, I had lost all feeling around the area I applied the cream to, which brought back memories of the flaky, blackened burn I had received not a year ago.

I continued my march, aiming myself towards the higher floors, not truly knowing my destination. I didn’t care; I just wanted to be gone. Nil had been silent the entire time, and spoke up, strangely sympathetically.

*Hard to believe it, huh? That the trap did that?*

*Shut up. I don’t want to hear about it. Besides, it’s just a theory, from a crazy old coot.*

*Even if you ignore him, they had evidence: they took samples!*

*Samples can be wrong. Still, I don’t care.*

She paused for a moment, searching for a better subject to turn towards.

*So it’s official that we’re partners now?*

*Huh?*

*We are now both officially equals. That means you can’t order me around!*

*I couldn’t order you around anyway, because you don’t listen. Nothing’s changed.*

*And I thought I was stubborn...*

Eventually, on the top floor, we passed a large room. A sign identified it as Main Command, a promising area if I ever saw one. I pushed open the door, hoping to ask my question and leave the building.

On the other side, I saw Samuel and his two squad-mates standing in front of a middle-aged woman, who I assumed was a commander of some kind. Knowing that I had just made a mistake and barged into a classified debriefing, I sat down in a corner, and waited to be noticed. Running, I knew, wasn’t going to help me here. I could hear the commander and Samuel speaking, but the commander spoke the first sentence I could understand.

Still, I examined the room as they spoke, taking in my surroundings. It was a much larger room than the lab, with glowing monitors and blinking lights casting irregular shadows across the tile floor. Towards the back of the room, I could see a bank of a dozen people sitting at computers, all wearing headsets and engaged in conversation with the other side.

“So to wrap it up, great job! Not a single casualty, not a single injury, and the fastest response time in Ranger history. You should be proud!”

“We can’t take all the credit. A majority of the legwork and scouting was done by our contact, who somehow managed to not only inform us of the criminal’s position, but free all the prisoners, and then also open the main gate for us as well.”

“I suppose you’re right. They have every right to be congratulated as you do. Do you know where they are now?”

“From when I last spoke to him, he was headed to our labs to be examined. He has… several… talents that I recommended being examined.”

“Well, we should go fetch him, anyway. Can someone send a message to the labs?”

Seeing a chance to be not only useful, but dramatic as well, I spoke up, with a slight grin on my face.

“That won’t be necessary.”

The commander and the other two rangers jumped, and turned to face me. Samuel looked over his shoulder, saw me, and turned back to his original facing, his face turning towards amusement. He didn’t even skip a beat.

“That’s him.”

The commander replied, still recovering, “I… see. That’d explain how he was able to move through the base so easily. I didn’t even hear the door open.”

She gestured towards me, “Come on up, we need to thank you for your efforts.”

I rose, and approached the commander. Nil followed closely behind.

As I got closer, the commander looked over me with a practiced gaze, as if trying to assign me a worth.

“Samuel, you didn’t tell me the contact was just a boy! Also: what did the lab DO to you? You absolutely REEK of medicinal cream. And who is that Pokemon behind you?”

Samuel shrugged his shoulders as I answered her questions in turn.

“Not many do; I’m doing things most would attribute to an adult. The lab did a scan, and a DNA test. I think they got the DNA test wrong: I got mis-diagnosed with PokeRus. The smell was because I was given a tub of itch cream to use, which I really appreciated. I used it all, split between me and Nil. And this pokemon,” I gestured at Nil, “Is my partner, Nil.”

“Samuel did describe you as a trainer from Sinnoh, but I thought that they used many Pokemon there. It is not common to refer to a single Pokemon in a collective as a Partner.”

“I… had a bit of a traumatic experience when I tried to recall Nil into a Pokeball. It ended up with the Pokeball, and my trust in other Pokeballs, blowing up in my face. Both figuratively, and literally. The shards of which I had to pick out of my skin with my bare hands. Since I’m not willing to risk that ever again, Nil’s my only Pokemon, and even then, she’s without a Pokeball.”

The commander looked at me strangely.

“That’s bizarre. We did many tests of Pokeballs, to discern the long-term effects of them, and while we discovered many problems with them, safety was not one of them. No matter what we did, they never exploded as you described. We linked them to everything from mental damage to energy loss, but every time one broke, it was almost always into two or three large pieces, and the pieces were always blunt.”

She snapped out of her reverie and continued, “Anyway, with the power invested in me as third Chairswoman of the Ranger Union, I grant you honorary citizenship. If you ever need a home, you’ll always be welcome here.”

“Always?” I asked.

“Always.” She replied.

“I actually have a second request. Nothing major, but pretty important.”

“Shoot.”

“I need access to the ‘Chroma Ruins’. The lab team said that I should check it out.”

“That old place? Well, as long as you don’t go letting shady people in, you should be fine. I’ll get one of the personnel to issue you a pass. What is your name, by the way?”

“Vis.”

“So no last name, just Vis?”

“I don’t remember it. Nor do I remember my real name.”

“Okay then, I guess that works.”

I was handed a piece of laminated plastic.

“This’ll tell the guards to let you in. While you’re down there, I’d recommend grabbing a pale crystal: they make exquisite pendants.”

“Thank you. One thing I don’t understand, is why do both you and Samuel react so strongly when I refer to Nil as my partner?”

She gazed downwards, obviously not enjoying the topic I had just brought up.

“Rangers often attract Pokemon who volunteer to become an assistant of sorts, which we've always called partners. We… don’t bring them on dangerous missions anymore. We still bring them out during domestic, or environmental issues, but… “

She paused, unsure of how to word her next statement.

“Losing a partner is traumatic. So traumatic, that we’ve had promising rangers turn in their gear and quit, simply due to the intense guilt of having lost a loyal friend. Among those who suffered such a fate was the child of two of the heroes of the Miniremo crisis: a ranger who showed amazing promise. Unfortunately… her partner’s life was taken during a mission, in a last-ditch attempt to get her to safety. She showed every sign of surpassing the skill of both of her parents, but the pain of losing such a friend was too much, and she turned in her badge. To the best of my knowledge, she works at the Ranger School now, training recruits. Since then, we’ve all decided that it’s much safer to leave our partners behind when the stakes become too high.”

I blinked for several moments, taking it all in. What would I be without Nil? Would I even be able to force myself to find a replacement? I doubted it. If I lost her, it would be over. For both of us.

Samuel and his squad had taken off their hats, perhaps in remembrance, or perhaps in tradition. All I knew was that I had struck a nerve. I could feel their pain. Unwilling to bring any more of such a grim topic to light, I changed the topic as quickly as I could.

“I’m off then, to Chroma Ruins?”

“If you wish, we can have someone drop you off. You’ll have to make your way back on your own, however.”

“That’s fine.”

Samuel volunteered to fly me out, and moments later we stood outside, as a Staraptor approached. Nil pushed a suggestion forward.

*How about this time, you go, and then warp me in afterwards? I don’t like flying.*

*You’re afraid of heights?*

*NO. Where did you get that idea from? Noooo… Yes.*

*That explains a lot, actually.*

Samuel mounted the Staraptor, and extended a hand towards me. I climbed aboard, but brought Nil’s suggestion to his attention.

“Nil here doesn’t want to fly with us. Can you just fly me over? I’m pretty sure I can pull the warp trick off again.”

“You know, that’d be pretty useful.”

“Huh?”

“If you can open portals between yourself and your Umbreon, then you could act as a mobile teleporter of sorts. No offence.”

“None taken.”

Eventually, we arrived at our destination, another derelict oil rig, this one guarded by several people in uniforms. Samuel dropped me off, and flew off into the distance. I approached the guards, flashed my card, and within moments I was within the depths of the mine. Deciding that now would be the ideal time to bring Nil in, I opened a gate.

It was much easier this time than the others, and once again the gate opened on the first try. I wasn’t sure whether it was due to practice or not, but felt relieved that I was getting the hang of it so quickly.

The guards had described the place I would enter as the deepest sanctum, where a gigantic charged crystal had sat before the Miniremo Crisis.

What they couldn’t have told me, was that the interior of the ruins were of the same make as the City of the Lost. The interior stone was the same smooth basalt, and it was just as dark and unnaturally warm. However, the state of these ruins was much, much worse. Walls were cracked, sections of the roof had collapsed, and in a few places, unseen pools of water had become small streams. In addition, hundreds of pale crystals glimmered in the dim light, studding the walls and roof like so many thorns. However, this site lacked the sheer feeling of unease that the other site had in spades, perhaps due to being defiled so long ago.

My initial searching of the chamber led to discovering a large, unnatural-looking, nearly square section of pale crystal, heavily embedded in the ground. I stared at it for several moments, and tapped it twice with a trowel before continuing onwards, dismissing it as mere decoration. The floor continued for another few rooms, before extending into a vast cave system. As my exploration supplies were long since pilfered, I was forced to turn around.

I tripped over a large rock, and ended up landing, face first, onto of a large, pale crystal. Lifting myself off the ground, I examined what I had just fallen onto.

Unlike the other crystals, this one was clear, but appeared to have swirling tendrils of darkness within it, an impossibility according to the science team. Realizing that they’d probably want to have a look at it, I stowed it in my pocket for later. I could feel my arms grow heavy as I did, as if I had opened another portal. However, I pushed my thoughts aside and retreated back to the sanctum.

I found an outcropping of stone to sit upon, and retrieved the crystal I had acquired, determined to take a closer look at it. To my surprise, it had changed.

It now was pitch black.

I stared at the now-charged stone. Had I done something to it? I picked up another, much smaller shard, curious to see if I could replicate the effect. As I held it in my palm, I watched as surface became murkier in but an instant, matched with a sudden feeling of tiredness. Nil, watching me intently, asked me a question.

*Huh, any clue what’s causing that?*

*Not a one. We should bring this back... I get the feeling they'll have some more questions to ask us.*

As we turned to leave, could have sworn that I saw a shape flee out of the ruins.

I felt more than a little paranoid, so I hurried out as quickly as I could.

The guards nodded towards me as I stepped back out into the sun. Not wanting to startle them, I circled around until I was out of sight, and then opened a portal to the ground below.

The area we were in was gloomy and damp, almost a swamp. Still, we trudged onwards, hoping to return before sundown.

 

[Omegagoldfish]

Sorry, I haven't been in the review game for a while.

Well, I was wrong with something, I am actually surprised.

I thought Nil was just capable of speech, not sharing some type of telepathic bond with Vis, that is interesting.
The Old Chateau would have been scary, but the prologue basically assured my of Vis and Nil's safety.
Perhaps next time, you can not have the prologue in the future? It kind of kills suspense.

But perhaps this isn't a story about suspense, perhaps it is about the slow descent into madness that our protagonists shall face, cursed with immortality in the same way AZ was in X/Y.

Spelling and grammar errors are nonexistent, but pacing is a bit slow, but it is the early chapters, it is to be expected.

 

[Shattersoul]

Chapter 20: Reflection

Chapter 20: Reflection​

We barely made it back to the Union before sundown. Although I hated to admit it, I had begun to miss my long, meandering walks from town to town, something I knew I wouldn’t be able to find here. Even if I didn’t truly have a home, it didn’t help offset the fact that I did, in fact, feel homesick. I wondered how much longer we would be here, hiding from a personal goal we had now abandoned twice. As soon as I get back, I promised myself, I was going to finish what I started.

But I knew that I would have to stop after the eighth gym. The elite four offered me no benefits for challenging them: I didn’t WANT to be idolized. I didn’t WANT to have my name be broadcast across the world as the latest upstart trainer. What I really wanted?

All I wanted was to be acknowledged as having tried, and in the face of all opposition, succeeded.

These thoughts consumed my mind as I returned to the lab, crystals safely in my pocket.

I knocked, waited a moment, and was eventually let in. This time, I could see that everyone inside was busy, so I sidled down the wall, and asked one of less important-looking staff instead.

“Did you know that those ruins over there are of the same make as a ruin we’ve seen in Sinnoh?”

One of the assistants looked up from his task of sorting paperwork to answer me.

“Really? We assumed they were one of a kind. I suppose then that the ruins in your region are also well known?”

“Only in legends and fables, really. But I’ve been there; they are both hewn from the same stone, and both located deep underground. The one I’ve seen is just better preserved.”

Nil filled in the piece of information I omitted.

*And full of traps. One of which we blindly stumbled into.*

“I would assume so, since ours was the unfortunate victim of a renegade mining operation. Few things survive after the fatcats scent money, it seems.”

“Also, is this thing a charged crystal?”

I retrieved the larger of the two crystals from my pocket, and placed it upon a desk.

The assistant came over, still shifting paperwork about with his hands.

“You probably found a little crystal that someone missed. Let me take a look.”

He quickly glanced towards it, before continuing with his duty.

“Yup. Pretty rare, those ones.”

He stopped shuffling papers for a moment, and began staring straight ahead.

“Wait… What?”

He turned back towards the crystal.

“Holy cow, that’s a huge crystal, let alone a charged one! Let me call Nicole, she probably wants to have a look at this thing.”

He spoke quickly as he went to get the geologist. "Oh, and by the way, sorry in advance."

Within what seemed to be a second a very excited looking geologist came charging from the back of the room at full speed and accosted me with questions.

“Where did you find it? Was it exposed, or did you have to dig to get it? How did you find it in the first place? Do you mind if we take some samples? Can we keep it?”

I couldn’t help but compare the Geologist’s reaction to Jack, but waved it off. Everyone is allowed to have an interest, no matter how strange.

“I found it in the ruins. I tripped over a rock, and fell onto it. It was loose, and I managed to remove it with just my hands. Please calm down.”

A few seconds later, I continued.

“When I fell onto it, it was more or less pure, besides a few wisps of energy. As I walked about, however, it slowly shifted in color, eventually becoming pitch black.”

“So you found a way to charge the crystal?”

“No clue. I'd like to keep it though.”

The geologist opened her mouth to reply, before cutting herself off.

“I… Suppose so. Would make a really nice centrepiece, I do admit.”

“Well, anyway. Was I needed for anything?”

“No, not really. Everyone’s back to work, besides me. I was on coffee break.”

“So basically the only thing coming back here did was bother the assistant.”

“Well, you did give me pretty definite proof that we should keep that place locked up tight, at least. If those things are down there, or if they’re able to be charged… We don’t want another Miniremo Crisis.”

“Everyone's talking about that crisis, but what exactly was it?”

“Oh. Yeah. You’re a tourist, right? We don’t exactly advertise what it was. To describe it quickly, a particularly gifted scientist discovered a method of controlling Pokemon using a wireless device some odd twenty years ago, which was quickly stolen and abused by a criminal organization, previously known as Dim Sun. Long story short, the rangers ended up wiping out the gang’s main leaders, while the scientist was brought over here. He made several advancements, but never truly recovered from what he did.”

“So it was bad?”

“Real bad. They’re still not releasing details about what happened to the general public. I’m only telling you this much, because you’re carrying one of the keystones to that very device, and with all honesty, I doubt you'd try and build one of the devices. Not like you'd be able to do so by yourself, anyway.”

“The guards said there was a gigantic crystal down there before. Where is that now?”

“Oh. That? That’s a huge tourist attraction now. They managed to purify it, and now it's just a gigantic pale crystal. From what I can tell, they took the big crystals from the historical sites too, and those are orbiting around it now, too. It’s at the top of Altru Tower. If you’re not doing anything else, I’d recommend checking it out, it’s pretty breathtaking, especially at night. Heck, you can see it gleaming all the way from Pueltown Harbor!”

“Well, I suppose I don't have anything else planned. Still, I think I should rest the night, do you guys have an empty bed I can borrow?”

- - -​

I shake my head. I spent far too much time running about, never any truly enjoying what I had, what I had earned. Instead, I kept striving for more, giving up my possessions in a constant gamble for further gains. I… never thought… never thought I would lose it all.

There was a saying in the old world that you never truly appreciate what you have until it is gone. The saying died with the people who coined it, but it has never been more true. Every moment of every day, I grieved for the mistakes I had made, the branches I had cut short.

The people I had been betrayed by, and the people that I had betrayed in return.

I could have stopped it. All of it. I could have stopped it right then and there, had I been more aware, had I paid attention, had I decided to seek help. Then… Then this all… could have been averted. Then things would have... would have turned out differently.

No. I couldn’t have. I was weak then; I had no allies, and no reason to pursue matters I did not know about. There was... nothing I could do. Nothing I could do whatsoever. All my narrow-minded struggles would have done is guaranteed not only it, but the second one as well.

The one that we COULD do something about. The one that we had strived to stop, the one which we had devoted centuries to be strong enough to stand against.

Our second, and final chance at redemption.

Nil interrupts my turmoil.

*Vis, are you alright?*

*I’m fine.*

*Are you sure? You seem so distant... You’ve been doing this more and more lately, yet won’t tell me why.*

*... How... how much do you remember about our past?*

*None of it, the last thing I remember is the first time I left for the new surface, not a hundred years ago.*

*Have you ever wondered why?*

*Huh?*

*Have you ever wondered why you were able to adapt so well to the surface, while I stayed behind? It doesn't matter. You'll understand soon enough.*

- - -​

We were lent a bunk which we gratefully accepted. Unlike my last rest, this one was fraught with nightmares, strange dreams, and unease.

I subconsciously wrestled with everything I had experienced, everything I had seen. It manifested to me, as wraiths within my mind, whispering my doubts for only me to hear. I could see them, black, bodiless shapes, all sharing my face, all speaking in my own voice. I could hear them, but couldn’t speak out in return.

“You’re not human,” one whispered.

“We don’t know what this energy is… but it was the cause of the crisis…” another ranted, to a unknown listener.

“You don’t belong here. You don’t belong anywhere. You never belonged, and never will,” yet another hissed, voice full of despair and hatred.

I resisted my own doubts, fighting back as their words clawed at my being. I attempted to strike back, to purge the thoughts from my mind. My efforts were in vain, as my voice drew no sound, and my body drew no power.

“What are you. What is your purpose?” the first wraith asked.

“Nothing you will do will matter,” chuckled the second.

“Everything is pointless,” spat the third.

“Fate itself despises you. Luck is your enemy. You are just a pawn. Play your part,” spoke a fourth, this time in a voice not my own. Instead, it echoed of power.

“Something is wrong with all of this. Why can’t you see it?” the first wraith despaired.

I could feel my mind slipping away, as the wraiths circled ever closer.

“You’re a failure.”

“Accept your loss. Give up.”

“Go the easy road, you’ve already done too much.”

“There is no such thing as victory.”

"Your family never loved you. Never will."

"Give us your mind, and it will all be over. No more pain, no more despair."

“WHAT. ARE. YOU.” screamed the first wraith, drowning out the rest.

In a final, desperate move, I gathered what remained of my quickly fading will, and swung my left hand towards the closest wraith, hoping desperately to find solace from the voices. This time, my body reacted to my desperate command.

The wraith exploded as my hand collided with it, causing all but the fourth to scatter in different directions. The remaining one turned towards me, its face now not my own, but rather, a twisted mockery of it. Cracks lined its... my... face, like a shattered porcelain doll. It spoke in three different voices, all mixed into a horrifying cacophony.

"Oh h҉o͠w ̧t̛his one͜ ̶f̷igh͜ts! ҉I͜ts̨ ̸m̷ind is ̧str͠on͠ge͡r͜ ͝t̨h͟a͘n ҉th̡e ̶o͡t͡hers!́ ͝ Wh͜aţ a͘ ̡t̸ręat i͟t wi͏l̡l̸ ͜be̶..͏. ͜ ͏W͢atch̴ yo͠u̷r̕ ́b̡a̢c̀k͏, hu͘m̧a͝n, ̴f͞or̢ m̸y͠ g̢ìf҉t ͞will͘ s̛oo̢n͏ ͟be ͘yours. ́ ͠W̵h̨eţh͝er̡ y͡o͏ù lik̸e̶ ̡it, ̷o̡r n̷ot."

I awoke in a cold sweat; muscles tensed, pulse racing. The voices still rung in my head, but were quickly fading.

The room I was sleeping in was now illuminated by a strange, pulsing, purple light, the same light that was emitted by the gates I had opened. I searched for the source, but found no trace of a gate.

It was when I reached to wipe the sweat from my brow that I realized where the light was coming from.

The hand I had swung, my left, now crackled with violet energy. Sparks of energy jumped from finger to finger, to the rhythm of my own frantic breathing. I mimed a throwing motion, to try and undo whatever… THIS was, but only succeeded in launching a small orb of energy towards the wall. The orb shimmered as it soared through the air. It collided with the wall, but seemingly did nothing to it.

I stared at my hand. What was this? How did it happen. The questions of the first wraith returned to my conciousness. How did this exist? How did I exist? What really was I?

What I did know, was that whatever I had done, it wasn't making me tired. In fact, I felt like I had not done anything whatsoever.

I clenched my fist, which seemed to dismiss the energy immediately.

Was this another effect of the ruins? If so, why had it only manifested now? Was it because of entering the Chroma Ruins? Or perhaps, had the wraiths unlocked something inside me? I didn't know.

The only thing I did know, was that shaking Nil awake to explain to her what happened was the first, and most important priority.

 

[tm27crobat]

Hey! This is for the Review Game. Unfortunately, I only had time to read and review your Prologue and Chapter 1, but I can do Chapters 2 and 3 in the next couple days. I just wanted to get this review out there for you ASAP

I'll start with spelling/grammar.

Prologue

*We can’t keep this a secret forever. Of all of the possible secret keepers I’ve examined over the years, these two show the most promise.

Missing the closing asterisk here.

*And so it seems, that this is the only path forward.*

Should really be: “*And so, it seems that this is the only path forward.*”

Chapter 1

I inside it,

You’re missing a verb here.

to a name of which I cannot remember

Should be: “to a name that I cannot remember” or “to a name which I cannot remember.” No “of” is necessary.

Children which were caught stealing.

Should be: “Children who were caught stealing.”

After I losing several times

Should be: “After I lost several times”

It was when I lost to a trainer's sole Magikarp did I finally quit.

Should be: “It was when I lost to a trainer’s sole Magikarp that I finally quit.”

the only thing visible was a single man in a lab coat, whom, for some reason,

Should be: “the only thing visible was a single man in a lab coat, who, for some reason,”

party of paranoia

As entertaining as such a celebration would be )), I believe this should be: “partly because of paranoia" or "partly out of paranoia"

It was late, the moon, now a waning crescent, shone its light upon the deserted embankment

This sentence is missing a period. Also, the first part (“It was late”) should really be its own sentence, since it’s actually an independent clause (and so is the next clause, “the moon, now a waning crescent, shone its light upon the deserted embankment”). If you didn’t want to separate this into two sentences, you could replace your first comma with a semicolon, or you could add the word “and” before “the moon,” and keep it in that way.


That's all I have for spelling and grammar; I really hope it helps! The good news is that almost never did any of these mistakes actually hamper the reading process. They were just minor things, but I thought I'd point them out all the same, since you said you wanted to see if you'd missed anything.

The next thing I want to talk about is pace.

To be honest, I think that your pace is the best thing about this story so far. It's engrossing. We're slowly let into your version of Sinnoh, and it feels like unwrapping a present. Then, we're thrown into a varied-pace account of the protagonist's story that never lost my attention, and then we get to the ruins. By this time, honestly, I felt like I knew the protagonist. I still want to learn more, of course, but the way you've been unwrapping his story is so wisely timed that it genuinely feels like he is telling me himself. It's so great!

Next, writing.

I know your spelling/grammar and your pace are obviously aspects of your writing, but I have some things to address. First off, let me say I love it. Your writing draws me in; I knew from the paragraph where you described the nugget that this was a real winner. I love your descriptive nature, because it helps bring me into your world, but at the same time, you know how to pace yourself, so you're not just stuck describing every single thing in every single scene. It's almost masterful, and I may judge it as masterful when I read more of your chapters.

Constructive criticisms (there are only few):

You can get a little repetitive. A good example is this sentence:

As was common at the time, I was drafted into going onto a Pokemon journey, which was at the time a common practice.

Either the beginning or the end of this sentence is unnecessary, as they say the same thing. This happens a few times in Chapter 1, sometimes just within the same paragraph rather than sentence; the quality of the writing is all great, I just found myself reading the same things worded in slightly different ways (like the above example).

My only other constructive criticism would be to be a bit more conservative about comma usage. I know it's a product of writing with voice (and you have a very strong voice in this chapter) to want pauses for inflection, and thus to write things exactly as you might say them out loud. The trouble with this is that, unfortunately, where it may be fine to pause for emphasis when reading the text, putting in a comma in each of these circumstances is not always grammatically correct. For example:

All of them were sent early, and given truant Pokemon, in hopes of either teaching them humility

Here, the most grammatically sound way to punctuate would be as follows: "All of them were sent early and given truant Pokemon, in hopes of either teaching them humility"

Those really are my only criticisms as far as writing goes, though, and they're small! I love your writing style.

Finally, I'll touch on enjoyment.

I have enjoyed the beginning of your story immensely. The setting is a neat spin on the Pokémon world we're all familiar with, the main character is intriguing, and the writing is truly engrossing. I read through and was dying to know more; unfortunately, personal and school-related duties, my constant enemies, have gotten in the way. But I will make sure to keep reading this story, because it made me feel a sense of wonder in my heart and a sense of logical intrigue in my brain, which I think is exactly what an adventure story should do. You've got a real gem here, and I can't wait to see where it all goes!

 

[Sike Saner]

Quite the mystery you've got going on here. Looking forward to seeing how the PMD elements come into play; I haven't managed much of a guess at all on that front, heh. The Ranger tie-in's already pretty nice, so I'm fairly optimistic about the sides of the story we've yet to see.

Also: the laughs. Quite a few of those so far! Vis and Nil have a pretty darn entertaining dynamic. But they weren't responsible for ALL my favorite moments. I think I'll share a few of those now:

“I’m not entirely sure why this brochure is even here. It just says Orre: We have stuff.”

Orre was my favorite region to begin with. I think this just makes me like it even more.

*Well, those two are hugging, and there’s a bunch of people staring at the vortex. About half of them are curious, a few are terrified, and a few children are lining up to throw rocks at it.*

A few rocks were emitted from the vortex, which clicked against the walls.

The timing of the rocks coming through was spot-on. I mean yeah, that bit would've yielded an amusing image regardless, but that just made it all the funnier.

“This device is more or less harmless, but if you’re a Ditto, it’ll force you back to your original form.”

She pressed it against me, causing a minor shock. I stood firm, waiting for the test to be over.

“There. Dennis: You’re an idiot.”

One of the other scientists groaned, “Well, there goes my answer.”

Lol. I hope for his sake he didn't have any money riding on that.


Anyway, this is an intriguing fic. I'll probably pop back in whenever I can. :>

 

[Shattersoul]

Thank you Crobat for reviewing my fanfic. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I really do wish I could find those redundant sentences on my own a bit easier, but that's just the way I write, I suppose. With luck, I'll eventually find and weed out the seventy quadrillion that I've probably scattered throughout what I've written.

- - -​

Thank you sike for you kind words.

The original concept for this story was to tie the entirety of generation four together, so I had to spend quite a bit of time playing each of the games, to get the lore and setting done correctly. However, Orre does have a part to play in all of this.

As for Dennis: I love giving throw-away characters personalities. He likes to gamble.

 

[Shattersoul]

Chapter 21: Breaking Point

Chapter 21: Breaking Point​

Nil was less than pleased to be woken up so late.

*What. What do you want?*

I gestured towards the door to the hallway as I threw on my clothes.

*Something really weird just happened. However, I think we should go outside, where we won’t wake anyone up.*

*Is it important enough to wake me up? Because if not, I’m going back to sleep instead.*

*Very much so.*

Silently, we exited our room. The entire time, I retold my experience within the dream.

*So a strange, creepy, extremely vivid dream? Interesting, but not exactly world-ending. I still don’t understand why we have to go outside to discuss it, though.*

*I’m more concerned about what happened at the very end of it.*

*The creepy mask-things?*

*No, something else. Can’t really explain it, but bear with me for a moment, till we get outside.*

Nil sighed.

*I always do.*

We quickly reached the entryway door. I pulled out the temporary keycard I had been given, and stepped outside into the night. The sky was pitch black, with only the light of the stars providing any light whatsoever. A new moon.

*Take a look at this.*

I focused my will once more, and moments later the violet energy had returned. This time it was much more pure, with sparks only rarely appearing, rather than the roiling maelstrom that I had summoned before. As it flickered in my palm, it cast a dim glow around me. Nil shot me a glance, before quickly asking me a question.

*Any clue what that does?*

*Not a damn clue. That’s why I called you out here.*

Nil gestured to my side somewhat sluggishly.

*Try gesturing wildly. Maybe something will happen. Or we’ll get hit by lightning or something.*

I raised an eyebrow towards my partner.

*You’re just upset that I woke you up in the middle of the night.*

She yawned back at me.

*Bingo.*

I waved my hand about carefully, while doing my best to keep the energy manifested. Several times, it flicked out, forcing me to resummon it. Even stranger, I could feel an exhaustion coming on from keeping the energy active for as long as I had.

*That’s weird. The first time, I didn’t even feel it.*

Eventually, one of my gestures returned a result: a quick mimed throw forced the energy to coalescence, and project forward in a small sphere. The sphere flew forward for about a yard and a half, before dissipating into the ether. I couldn’t help but flinch as the sphere was launched.

Nil had paused for a moment, deep in thought.

*Are you ready to accept the proof now?*

*What?*

*That’s a new move if I’ve ever seen one. Are you ready to accept that old human’s idea?*

*What? No. I’m a human. I’ll always be human. There’s humans back home that have abilities like this, you’ve seen them too, right? Psychics, Channellers, and Hex Maniacs if I remember correctly.*

*I’ve never heard of any of those having any real offensive abilities. That ability is an offensive one, I can’t imagine it being anything else. So you try explaining why you can do that, and not them?*

*Maybe they just never practiced?*

*I very much doubt that.*

Not wanting to have to listen to another moment of that particular conversation, I instead changed the topic.

*Anyway, you said that ability is for combat? It’s a little different than the portal thing, but if it really works in a combat situation… I should probably practice it.*

Nil glanced back at me in annoyance. I wasn’t fooling her, I wasn’t fooling anyone. Yet, she humored me.

*Well, it’s good to know I have some backup, if we ever get back to fighting again.*

*I doubt the rules would let me assist you directly, but I see what you mean. Not being helpless is definitely a good thing.*

*We should probably go back inside. It’s late, and I want to go back to sleep.*

I opened the door, and Nil scampered inside. Sighing deeply, I paused for a moment before following her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a pair of red eyes, watching. They disappeared as soon as I turned.

To my luck, the nightmares failed to return that night, and I awoke, refreshed. Wanting to get going as soon as I could, I quickly got ready, and began to gather my things. Finally, I opened the container they gave me to store the crystals, and tipped them out. To my surprise, yet another change sat right in front of me.

Although the large crystal hadn’t changed, the smaller of the two was completely pale.

*Nil, the small crystal isn’t charged any more.*

Nil was still asleep.

I shrugged my shoulders. It probably wasn’t important. I tossed them both back into their container, and carried it out.

One of the rangers was waiting for me outside; a scraggly and thin fellow with half-lidded eyes. This one seemed to be a lot less experienced than the others.

“They managed to recover your bag.”

He dropped my bag, which appeared to now be significantly lighter.

He continued, “From the looks of it, they managed to steal a large portion of your stuff. The only things in there still are badges, rope, and, strangely enough, this dirty scratched yellow ball thing.”

He pulled out the gold nugget I had been keeping in my bag. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“That ‘ball thing’ is solid gold.”

The ranger’s eyelids flew open, as his brows furrowed in disbelief.

“What.”

“So they left behind the only item of value I had in that bag. I mean, they probably took a thousand or so dollars in Sinnoh money, but that’s easily replaced.”

“How the hell did you get a ball of solid gold?”

“Exploration. Technically, I’m a retired explorer.”

“Uh… okay. Anyway, I’ve been asked to accompany you to the tower.”

*Huh? What’s happening? Where are you?*

*Oh, you’re up. I was just about to come back and get you.*

*Are we headed out to the tower, now?*

*Yeah. They’ve assigned an escort to us, probably due to our discovery in the ruins.*

*Interesting. Do you think they’re using us as guinea pigs?*

*Entirely possible.*

“Are you ready to go?” spoke the ranger.

“Almost. Just need to ask my partner something.”

“Fine, but I don’t want to wait all day.”

*We’re probably going to travel by air. Same deal as last time?*

*Yes please.*

The trip was extremely quick by air. The Staraptor deposited us at the foot of Altru tower, where I quickly scuttled into the bushes to summon Nil. As I returned, I saw the ranger fiddling with a scanner of some kind. He quickly hid it when he noticed my approach. Assuming that whatever it was, it wasn’t important to me, I asked to get moving towards the elevator.

The interior of the building was packed. Thick crowds were lined up towards several help desks, all of which were clearly labeled. The two that I could see were apparently “licensing” and “Electricity”. The elevator itself wasn’t as densely packed, but I still was only able to fit inside after three groups had come and gone. Finally, my turn came, and I stepped inside. Nil voiced her complaints.

*I really don’t feel so good...*

*Probably just the elevation. We’ll be fine.*

As we ascended, I quickly noticed a mounting feeling of unease. Something was wrong, but I couldn’t understand what. And even worse, as we got closer and closer to the top, the feeling only became more and more strong. By the time that we reached the top, I could practically taste tinfoil and hear static.

*I REALLY don’t feel good.*

The elevator opened to reveal a gigantic pale crystal. I stepped out of the elevator, and slowly approached it. As I entered within fifty feet, it felt like a dam had broken.

Every moment, I became more and more exhausted, as if I could feel my energy slipping away. Even worse, I felt extremely sick.

I rushed over to the edge of the tower, and voided my stomach over the edge. Nil had collapsed beside me, as I began to feel as if a thousand razors had begun to tear away at my insides. I vomited again, this time drawing a mix of black bile and blood.


The crowd around me was staring at me in horror. However, I quickly ceased to care about their opinion, with my only focus being to get away from the tower as quickly as I could. I picked up Nil, who was now unconscious on the floor, and ran as fast as I could towards the elevator shaft, muscles searing in pain, and mind ablaze. I made it halfway to the elevator door before I collapsed in a pool of my own blood. Behind me, I could see the ranger who had accompanied me calling for assistance, but I couldn’t see him for long. Soon, my vision faded, leaving the world behind.

I awoke screaming.

Around me, doctors and nurses had turned towards me, shooting me a mixture of shock and concern. The rest of the patients had also turned towards me, but their stares were universally of horror. I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was seeing if Nil was okay. If being near that… THING caused her to pass out before me, I could only imagine what it had done to her.

*NIL! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?*

No response. Either she was still unconscious… or.. .

I spoke as quickly as I could.

“Do any of you know where my Umbreon is?”

One responded, still staring at me with shock.

“She should be over in the treatment bay, one room to the right. But please, sit down!”

“SHUT UP!” I screamed.

Strangely, no one stopped me as I jumped from the bed, and sprinted towards the treatment bay. I briefly questioned their choice of illuminating the hallways with purple fluorescent lights, but I had a partner to check up on.

As I passed a couple treatment bays, all of which were filled with injured pokemon, I passed the ranger that had escorted us to the tower. He was busy conversing with a scientist.

“So the scanners picked up the same energy that gets emitted when a shadow crystal is discharged?”

“From the looks of it, a really large one.”

“Do you think it has anything to do with the kid?”

“Probably.”

They finally noticed my approach and turned towards me. Just like everyone else, they reacted with shock. I shouted at the scientist.

“Where is my partner?”

“Just in this bay, but wait a second…”

I barrelled past him, into the room. Behind me I could hear the ranger speak.

“Scratch that. Definitely the kid.”

The room was empty, save for a straw bed, which Nil sat in the middle of, still unconscious. This room, just like the others, appeared to be dimly lit by purple light. I approached, and laid my left arm onto Nil, hoping desperately to wake her up.

I only realized my hand was surrounded with energy just as it touched her. I cursed loudly, praying that I wouldn’t be responsible for the death of my partner directly.

I attempted to pull my hand from her, but it held fast, as if it was attached with glue. Terror began to mount as I continued my attempt, hoping to abort whatever I had begun. I was praying now that whatever ability I was channelling was harmless. Heck, I would have been willing to settle for merely nonlethal.

The entire time, I could feel my mind beginning to swim as whatever I was doing continued to sap me. Finally, whatever I had been doing finished, allowing me to pull my hand free. I collapsed to the ground, breathing heavily. I sat there for but a moment, before I once again pulled myself to my feet, worried for the physical state of Nil.

Nil stirred not a moment later.

She raised her head, and glanced about blearily. She raised herself off of the floor, and tiredly raised a leg to scratch herself.

I watched her begin to do so, before she woke up fully, glanced to her leg, and spoke.

*Wait, why can I bend my leg again?*

 

[Chibi Pika]

Hello there. I was originally going to review this as part of the review game, but I was too slow and got beaten to it. But since I was fairly interested in the story, I continued to read it idly while on breaks at work, and as a result I've read all of it now.

Unfortunately...I love copying quotes from fics to comment on later, but couldn't really do that here since I'm typing this up after the fact. So I won't have as much to fill this review with as I would normally, having read 21 chapters. So my apologies for that.

So I'll start off with my general impressions. I have noticed a definite improvement as the fic has progressed. In the beginning the description tended to get a bit heavy-handed and forced (it wasn't bad enough that I had to like...skip paragraphs or anything like with purple prose, just enough for me to notice it, is all.)

I admit Vis's narration can feel a bit dry at times, but again, this is something that has gotten better as the fic has progressed. In addition, I think that a few of the emotional parts of the prose sometimes miss their mark, particularly in moments of fear or panic. Mostly because Vis tends to be very thorough and meticulous with his thoughts, but there isn't much of a change in narration style in response to emotion, which one would expect from 1st person. It has the odd effect of having him tell us he is panicking while continuing to take in his surroundings in a very clear and focused way.

One key thing I've noticed with this is passages like "I felt paranoid" as opposed to something like "Paranoia crept up on me." Avoiding instances of "I felt X" and using shorter, snappier sentences during fearful or stressful scenes can help out a lot.

I do suspect that the things I'm nitpicking here might all be due to the fact that none of this is happening in the moment--it's all the reminiscing of a somber immortal, which colors the events very differently than if they were indeed happening real-time, which might have been what you were going for. Indeed, there has never been a moment in the fic where I've forgotten that this is all a tragic tale being relayed hundreds of years later, so good job on that.

Minor issues with the prose aside, there was a definite quality that compelled me to keep reading. The chapters were short, but felt meaningful, and interesting details were dropped at a good pace to keep me longing for more without feeling lost or frustrated for not understanding X. The process of Vis discovering and experimenting with his powers has also been handled well, and the current Ranger arc has brought a lot of fresh twists to the story that I wasn't expecting. Vis and Nil have a fun dynamic and I feel like I could read their interactions for hours. A few of the earlier throwaway characters felt a little...RPG NPC-ish, but this has completely vanished from the recent chapters, and they've been plenty of fun to read since then.

There are a few things I think need clarifying about the world though. Since this is a somewhat dystopic interpretation of Gen 4 that will eventually result in the outright apocalypse, specific departures from canon should probably be made a bit clearer. For example, does this fic take the view that Pokeballs employ a sort of mild brainwashing effect? A few characters have implied as much, but they could have just been biased.

But in general, I think you have a very interesting story on your hands that does a good job of keeping the reader wondering what is going to happen next. You've kept a nice mysterious tone throughout the whole fic that has held up regardless of what is happening in each particular chapter, and I look forward to reading more.

~Chibi~;249;;448;