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-[The Fairy-Tale Sea]-

Ryano Ra

Verdant Vitality
May the Dragonic Gods of Fire, Water, and Magic bless the souls of all, for Syra has finally wrote something. Yes, I finally dug up some old information on these forums here, rediscovering one of my best detailed works, A Pink Sea. Then, I suddenly realized I could do wonders with a revision, toning down the violence in the end and focusing more on the actions, the characters, and the environment. I introduced this one-shot to the world of fantasy and together, I heavily revised it and changed the name to The Fairy-Tale Sea. So, yes, I plan for this to be one of my better works with short stories, adding twists and turns in fantasy.

Angels are spirited creatures in real life, but this takes place in Galabonia. Angels are a classified race as humans, being apart of humanity with just threatening weapons, godly images, and wings. Also, this is fantasy, so any damage to the skin of a angel is appropriate, since she's an evolved human. Let me shut up now and allow you guys to read it. And make sure to point out any mistakes that I missed. ;.; I hope you all enjoy The Fairy-Tale Sea. 8D

-[::::THE FAIRY-TALE SEA::::]-​
Beautiful, balmy afternoon light showered over the lovely beach, spreading over the land and providing dappled golden spots upon the shadows of rosy and verdant foliage. The red-pebbled trail swirled and dived from the whispering temperate forests of Galabonia, scintillating as it dug itself into the pink sand and disappeared into its undergrounds of smooth, water-soaking minerals.

Sandcastles were caressed by the howling drafts; sun-bleached bones tumbled in packs across the soft surface, enraged with an invisible hint of deceit. Intertwined colors of dark cobalt, icy-fire orange, and light blue was sharply defined against the everlasting high atmosphere, viewed both breathtaking and intimidating. Beyond the tranquil shore was endless water, glinting pink as it flapped over waves, settling from a rampant froth that embedded the sea.

It all seemed magnificent to her eyes, but her attention was focused on such a remarkable creature that she longed to see. From the waterless and featureless tundra to the worldwide trees in the taiga, determination leaked in the girl’s heart. Hiding her paralyzed body behind a pack of bushes, packed with black-striped wild berries, she looked over and gasped with excitement and surprise. Spreading her long, firm wings out and waving them gently, the girl slanted her eyes in a malicious confidence, throwing branches off of her celestial arrow and bow. It beamed with an utter shade of gold, brightening the forest and allowing her detailed cerulean and black feathers to flash into existence. Strands of sapphire and white cascaded down her body, which was dressed resembling the features of a godly angel. She moved slightly, seeing the beast in sight.

The angel’s body moved closer and closer, soon floating directly over the creamy pink-colored sea as the legendary dragon soared contently above the sparkling water. She was a frolicsome beast in the girl’s flourishing white eyes; the legend went diving and spinning, keeping a sharp smile defined against her mouth. The girl didn’t want to make any unusual type of motion, for that would successfully catch the attention of the scarlet and white dragon, making her mind-blowing plan of capturing her disastrous. As the milky orange-tinted sun blazed intensely in the midday flamboyant skies, her light-skinned hand quickly touched one of the white and sky-blue orbs that was equipped safely to her sinewy, feeble waist.

The ravishing creature shot her eyes, noticing the quick movement. The angel’s motion completely stopped, frozen by the hateful, sightless gaze of the legendary. She saw her. “Laaarrrr…” the legendary bellowed, realizing that her life was immediately at risk.

Subsequently, her sharp scarlet wings spread out as she approached the girl, bewilderment marked across her entire face. The angel’s heart started to race hurtfully, emotions mixed up and driving her intelligence and thoughts wild and crazy. How was the girl suppose to feel at that moment? Seething? Heartrending? Jovial? She guessed that she couldn’t just identify her feelings so easily because of her fascination in the legendary dragon.

The enchanting godly human discontinued her progress over the sea and fled back to the beach, grabbing two of the mechanical orbs and pressing the gray buttons to expand their size. Soon after, she elegantly tossed up the orbs, golden glitters twirling around her figure, the Pokéballs opening and two white figures crashing to the ground. The Pokéballs returned to her as the illuminated silhouettes softened in their glisten and faded altogether, revealing her two divine creatures: Sunfire and Veondro. Sunfire’s creamy body gleamed marvelously under the sun, spotless and sleek as he growled angrily. Meanwhile, Veondro collected her required power from the blistering star above, gathering enough power for the upcoming brawl.

The girl bent down to whisper into their ears; Ninetales and Solrock would have better performance if she would thoroughly explain to them how high the stakes were at the moment. “Sunfire, Veondro, look above the pink sea and tell me what you see. It’s a dragon, no?” the angel asked in an undertone voice.

The nine-tailed fox and telekinetic space rock glanced above the glittering water of beauty, noticing the female legendary. Veondro quickly looked out of distraction; it appeared as though she knew exactly who the legendary was. However, Sunfire stared flawlessly, baring his teeth with sheer anger and confidence.

“That legendary is known as Latias. She has a brother legendary named Latios, but it appears as though he isn’t around to protect her at this very moment. I would really love to have her, no matter what it costs. She needs to support the gods of heaven. She cannot be killed, but brutally hurt if the measures are taken there. Now, you guys ready for a hard-hitting battle?” the angel asked.

Veondro didn’t make any type of face motion, but Sunfire jumped straight into action. Of all of her angelically celestial Pokémon, she loved her Ninetales; he was always by her side, no matter what it would cost him. He would satisfy her, which she would treasure for eternity. He would never stop scuffling in a deadly battle - she encouraged him to never give up, no matter how much pain he would be in. It was Veondro that she was worried deeply about.

She didn’t respond as quickly as Sunfire, but the angel knew the Solrock was on her side. Before the girl could even command an attack, Latias roared, stirring the sky with a rainbow tint of fascinating colors. Sparkles danced across the lavender and violet clouds as multicolored spheres bulleted from the sky, crashing onto the beach as they struck the two Pokémon. The angel covered herself in a blue veil, keeping all protection over her body.

The girl was rather surprised; Latias had the kind of power she was looking for. Veondro leveled herself back in the air, quivering with fright as Sunfire stood on all fours, snarling and howling ferociously. “Ninetales, use Spirit Gaze! Veondro, use Shadow Ball!” the angel commanded.

Latias descended towards their bodies as Sunfire’s eyes were clouded with a crimson, death glow, a string of ethereal energy blasting into the legendary’s vision. Now she couldn’t escape; the girl’s plan was working just the way she wanted it to.

Meanwhile, her Solrock blasted out violet wraithlike energy, sparks dancing across the sphere as Veondro shot it at Latias, making a direct hit. Latias roared in pain as her dragon-like body was slammed into the creamy pink-colored sea, small waves erupting from this action. It was unfortunate that the girl didn’t possess an ice-type Pokémon; the battle would have been over in a matter of seconds.

“Veondro, Psybeam! Sunfire, Sunny Day!” the angel barked out. The orange sun-like creature collected powers from inside of her body. She transferred the energy to her two red-colored eyes as a tongue of rainbow psychic energy traveled into the glittering sea.

In a matter of seconds, the female legendary ascended out of the water, her breathing quite unusual. The angel stared with amazement as her body was encased in a flamboyant glow, which soon faded away to reveal her true details again. But, her breathing returned to normal and she appeared to be strong again. Sunfire ignored her Recover attack and opened his mouth, the orange sun beaming with utter intensity. The beach was stirred in a gust of boisterous temperatures as the angel smiled with confidence. She could feel her stomach being cooked and her brain being fried, but it wouldn’t effect her at all. She was an angel. Angels were nearly supernatural humans.

“Sunfire, use Firecrush! Veondro, use Hyper Beam!” her mouth spoke. Rasado was about to perform such an incredible attack that she taught him on her own; this attack would definitely damage Latias and leave her weak enough for me to perform the capture.

Sunfire’s body was enveloped in glittering black flames as his mouth opened, a gigantic tongue of purple and gray flames rumbling out of his mouth. Meanwhile, Veondro quickly shot out a golden and orange tunnel of power towards the legendary, the two magic-like assaults ascending side by side. Just like the angel had suspected, Latias quickly soared to her right; her two creatures redirected their attacks, following her agile movement. The two magical attacks combined together and struck Latias in the center of her body dangerously, her dragon-like figure crashing back into the pink sea again.

As the angel cheered for her two loyal Pokémon, something unusual bloomed, sending golden stars to spot themselves in her mind. Sunfire and Veondro glared back at her, snarling viciously. What did she do? She then thought about it for a moment; all Pokémon respect the fact that legendaries are free and will never let one be captured. If commanded to attack a legendary, the Pokémon would return the favor to their trainer. How could she forget such a powerful rule? Her creatures were disobeying her trust and friendship, appearing to have just drowned it in the ocean.

Tears flooded down the angel’s cheeks as Sunfire leaped towards her right arm, drilling her sharp teeth into the girl’s skin. She couldn’t scream. She couldn’t move. For some outlandish reason, she couldn’t perform any action. Latias then leisurely came out of the water, a darkening smirk on her face. She grumbled furiously, throwing her body into the motion of a starving tornado. Was she controlling Sunfire and Veondro?

The creamy pink-tinted sea shimmered with fantastic beauty, a white glow blossoming in the angel’s eyes and ending in a drugged, savage mist of void.
 

Act

Let's Go Rangers!
I figured I'd get here before the gushing-praise reviews do.

her two divine creatures; Sunfire and Veondro.

This shou;d be a colon.

knew the Solrock was on her side.

As opposed to which other side?

As the angel cheered for her two loyal Pokémon, something unusual bloomed, sending golden stars to spot themselves in her mind. Sunfire and Veondro glared back at her, snarling viciously. What did she do? She then thought about it for a moment; all Pokémon respect the fact that legendaries are free and will never let one be captured. If commanded to attack a legendary, the Pokémon would return the favor to their trainer. How could she forget such a powerful rule?

The first and second-to-last sentences here are very strange, and the meaning is almost lost. Fix the syntax?

---

Alright, this was about 20,000 times better than the last one-shot I read by you. Thank God. People like you, and I was beginning to think people were... stupid.

Anway, my main thing with this was that you tend toward the purple, like a lot of SPPf writers. People here idolize tons of descriptive language, which is nice and all, but it can get confuzing, annoying, and desparate-looking. As my History teacher said yesterday, "It's nice and all that you know big words, but what are you trying to say? Just say it."

I didn't point out the areas that I disliked, because it would take a while.

But, though it was gnawing at me a little in the beginning, it got better as the fic went on and, I think, you got more into writing it.The last third or so had an near-perfect balance of pretty words and actual story.

I enjoyed this a lot, and I think if you stop striving so much to have oodles of description, you'd be an amazing author.

Yet somehow titles like, "Excution: Improbable Antidisestablishmentarianism" really, reallyturn me off. Seriously. More than "The Journey of Diamond Princess". To quote someone from here, it sounds more like a lab report on the effects of water on a lightbulb than a creative written work. So yeah, no reader points there for your previews -.- [/random]

Good job ^^; Hey, if I like the next one as much you might just earn yourself a reader.
 

Kaizer

A Shadow of Darkness
I don't remember if I replied to this last time, but I did enjoy it both times. However, I'd have to say that I prefer the ending of the last one over this one. Something about her being near immortal and Latias surviving and coming back with that evil grin just took away from it all. Last time the gore seemed to fit just right, this time the last line is perfect, but the attack on the master that leads up to it just doesn't seem to fit.

Despite me not enjoying it as much as the previous version, it was an improvement and good job. I'm glad to see you're still writing as I haven't seen anything of yours in quite some time now.
;245;
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Spreading her long, firm wings out and waving them gently, the girl slanted her eyes in a malicious confidence, throwing branches off of her celestial arrow and bow. It beamed with an utter shade of gold, brightening the forest and allowing her detailed cerulean and black feathers to flash into existence. Strands of sapphire and white cascaded down her body, which was dressed resembling the features of a godly angel.

See that? There's a number of words for what you did there; the one I will use is gorgeous. I just love to read descriptions like that right there; the image that made me picture...You do angels justice, that much is certain. Blue and black feathers, huh? God, that's a lovely image...(Should someone actually draw such an angel, I would be elated.)

You've done a lovely job, indeed, and you've created a nice bit of suspense there at the end...whatever, I wonder shall become of her?...I'll be sure and stick around to find out. ^_^
 

Ryano Ra

Verdant Vitality
Act said:
I figured I'd get here before the gushing-praise reviews do.

This shou;d be a colon.

As opposed to which other side?

The first and second-to-last sentences here are very strange, and the meaning is almost lost. Fix the syntax?

---

Alright, this was about 20,000 times better than the last one-shot I read by you. Thank God. People like you, and I was beginning to think people were... stupid.

Anway, my main thing with this was that you tend toward the purple, like a lot of SPPf writers. People here idolize tons of descriptive language, which is nice and all, but it can get confuzing, annoying, and desparate-looking. As my History teacher said yesterday, "It's nice and all that you know big words, but what are you trying to say? Just say it."

I didn't point out the areas that I disliked, because it would take a while.

But, though it was gnawing at me a little in the beginning, it got better as the fic went on and, I think, you got more into writing it.The last third or so had an near-perfect balance of pretty words and actual story.

I enjoyed this a lot, and I think if you stop striving so much to have oodles of description, you'd be an amazing author.

Yet somehow titles like, "Excution: Improbable Antidisestablishmentarianism" really, reallyturn me off. Seriously. More than "The Journey of Diamond Princess". To quote someone from here, it sounds more like a lab report on the effects of water on a lightbulb than a creative written work. So yeah, no reader points there for your previews -.- [/random]

Good job ^^; Hey, if I like the next one as much you might just earn yourself a reader.
...*_* ......*_* I'm just amazed. o.<; *feels crubbly*

My description...yes, I've heard many say things about it. I will eventually lower the tone done, but with very nice details as I did, but that'll be a very hard thing to do. I equipped myself to describing the way I do, but maybe it won't be as much as in my chaptered Pokemon story, coming in early 2006. Anyways, I am quite surprised that you chose to read this, since I saw that review in Emerald Showers and thought, "Oh, she won't definitely read anything else from me. *tears*".

But, I am glad that you saw my improvements and actually enjoyed the one-shot, and I'm pleased with the warming review. Thank you, Act. I was planning on writing another fantasy one-shot about a shiny Articuno and an ice goddess, since the one-shots I'll be typing through the next fortnight or two will be connected to the main chaptered fanfiction called Heavenly Malevolence. I thought this was particularly one of my better fanfictions, along with Shadow Beauty (I should add more a fantasy touch to that one as well, but I already revised it once), but again, thank you! I hope the next one-shot will be a good one, because that is what I'll be striving for.

Kaizer63 said:
I don't remember if I replied to this last time, but I did enjoy it both times. However, I'd have to say that I prefer the ending of the last one over this one. Something about her being near immortal and Latias surviving and coming back with that evil grin just took away from it all. Last time the gore seemed to fit just right, this time the last line is perfect, but the attack on the master that leads up to it just doesn't seem to fit.

Despite me not enjoying it as much as the previous version, it was an improvement and good job. I'm glad to see you're still writing as I haven't seen anything of yours in quite some time now.
Well, the ending didn't change at all, I just took out that crazy part where the angel's Solrock (originally an Alakazam named Psystar in the original) used her two spoons and, well, cuped out the trainer's eyes. o.o I found that slightly disturbing, despite that I'm an avid fan of violence and gore, so I took it out and instead added more to the last small paragraph at the end. And, yes, you replied to the first one, but I'm blissful to hear that you enjoyed the revision. Yeah, you guys need to read something from me while I type my chaptered fic in the darkness of my living room corner. <..o
Sike Saner said:
Spreading her long, firm wings out and waving them gently, the girl slanted her eyes in a malicious confidence, throwing branches off of her celestial arrow and bow. It beamed with an utter shade of gold, brightening the forest and allowing her detailed cerulean and black feathers to flash into existence. Strands of sapphire and white cascaded down her body, which was dressed resembling the features of a godly angel.
See that? There's a number of words for what you did there; the one I will use is gorgeous. I just love to read descriptions like that right there; the image that made me picture...You do angels justice, that much is certain. Blue and black feathers, huh? God, that's a lovely image...(Should someone actually draw such an angel, I would be elated.)

You've done a lovely job, indeed, and you've created a nice bit of suspense there at the end...whatever, I wonder shall become of her?...I'll be sure and stick around to find out. ^_^
Ah, so perhaps there will be a sequel, perhaps it'll leave you shrouded in mystery forever. I enjoyed writing the entire chapter, and I think that sorta reflected in the writing. Thank you so much for the warming compliment and review, Sike. All of these reviews are worth a million bucks each. <3 Writing is love. ^.^ I'll make sure to let you guys know when I have more time on my hands to finish The Freezing Wings, which is based in La Rauche (a city in Galabonia) way after the first existences of the shinies.
 

Act

Let's Go Rangers!
My description...yes, I've heard many say things about it. I will eventually lower the tone done, but with very nice details as I did, but that'll be a very hard thing to do. I equipped myself to describing the way I do, but maybe it won't be as much as in my chaptered Pokemon story, coming in early 2006.

x.x I love how you manage to complement yourself in there. It's really not just you, for some reason everyone here thinks it's cool to make no sense, it's just that very few of them actually have any talent, and I think that if you take it in stride and focus on other points of a piece, you'd be very good. LilyPichu had the same problem (though English is her second language, I"m fairly sure, so it's a little different). She's actually a good writer, but I can't read anything by her because I absolutely hate purple prose and I'd be picking out every word that was just extra of used incorretly in some context.

Anyways, I am quite surprised that you chose to read this, since I saw that review in Emerald Showers and thought, "Oh, she won't definitely read anything else from me. *tears*".

Oh, the opposite. Really. I was in a concritting mood yesterday (I should have done my requests, but...).

I was planning on writing another fantasy one-shot about a shiny Articuno and an ice goddess, since the one-shots I'll be typing through the next fortnight or two will be connected to the main chaptered fanfiction called Heavenly Malevolence.

Same concept. Big words impress 99.9% of SPPf, but I'll be harping you for it until the end of time.

Good luck.
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
gushing-praise reviews do.

Nothing wrong with praise at all - praise is one of the main ways to improve.

Though I do not want a full throttled discussion about it in Syra's thread, I must say, Act, that I strongly disagree with your views. Of course, theres nothing wrong with expressing them, but I get the feeling that its bordering on encouragement.
One-shots are meant to be beautiful. The lack of length and, most of the time, plot makes the one-shot need something to uplift its effect - and thats what I feel this is all about, effect. Description and as you describe it 'purple proses' really help it gain that effect. Without the description that Syra's effortlessly included into this and many, many more of his works, the story would sound something along the lines of 'n00bish'. "The angel, who bore two cyan wings, followed the Latias over the sea until she finally caught his eye with a sudden movement". Now I dont know about you, and this was a little over exaggerated I must admit, but that lost its quality completely.
Theres a distinct unique style in Syra's and many other author's writing, a style that we know is impossible to achieve by many, many others, they have a skill for detail. Without the detail in the description, the whole atmosphere of the onE-shot would be destroyed completely. It's creativity and effect that is produced from this and many other works, and that is one unique and talented feature that I say Syra should continue to accomplish - without his description and wonderful meaning and effects put into his stories, Syra would no longer be Syra but an author that is only writing to please the 'easy-reading-loving' minds of the readers. Effect, meaning, atmosphere. The things that set this apart from fics that avoid 'purple prose'ity.

Not too sure what I said there. *ehem*

Finally! Something has been released!
Of course, I loved this one-shot. Amazing, amazing, amazing.

Obviously, one thing you tried to achieve in this one-shot was the effect of the colours - which you managed with ease. The constant mention of the pink scenery really caused the atmosphere to become somewhat more exotic, more peaceful and more fantasy-like. It was full of pinks, reds, oranges, creams and various other dream-like colours that really effected my mindset when reading this. I myself felt as if I was actually within a dream, for all the imagery that was used. I loved the pink sand, by the way.

The plot was confuzzling, especially the maliciousness of this angel yet it was this that really lent itself to the fantasy-like aura and the previously mentioned dreamy effect. It was almost as if it wasn't posssible, which I loved.
I loved how you made the angel's personality and the fire type Pokemon contrast so with the scenery and soft, light colours and the previously peaceful Latias, who without mentioning, I see as a beatufil natured Pokmon anyway.

Like I said, the description was a MUST in this, and no matter what others say, I feel that without it, the whole quality of the work would fall. The style was brilliant, the meaning wat brilliant, the detail was brilliant. The whole atmosphere was created with nothing but the things you included and the description.
I felt as if you created this from a dream, seeing as thats what I'm always coming back to right now.

Sorry it was kind of rushed, but that was very time consuming and I need to dash. Highly awed yet again, Syra, by the quality. Cant wait for your upcoming works.

And whatever you do, Syra, dont lose your style of writing.
 

Act

Let's Go Rangers!
Like I said, the description was a MUST in this, and no matter what others say, I feel that without it, the whole quality of the work would fall.

Just in case anyone doubted that SPPf = we love description!, there you go.

Anyway, who ever said to take all of it out? It's not the amout of description that makes purple prose, it's the abuse of 'big' words to the point that their use and context becomes questionable.

Really, if you want me to go pick out the spots where the word choice and amount of words was starting to irk me, I will, but... gah, whatever. It's one hell of an uphill battle. Love what you love, just don't expect to see me there.

And, uh, sorry there, Syra. I'll leave your thread alone now...

EDIT:

I love how I actually called you a great author, and all these people can pick out is my dislike of the color purple (and did I say anything about your writing style? o.o;;). Jebus. It's called an opinion, go out and buy one for yourself... Hot damn am I in a mood. I'm so gonna get flamed for that. >.<
 

Encyclopika

The Queen
Wow...I really liked this story...though I had never read the original. Unlike some people who replied here, I actually enjoyed the description. It really gave your style its uniqueness. I like that a lot - when certain authors have completely different styles than others. It was that style that wouldn't let me leave the thread until I had read the whole thing. Amazing.
It was a little confusing at some parts, but I was still able to follow. The only real problem I had was the ending...it seemed abrupt and cliff-hanger-ish. Still a great story, though. IMO, there's nothing wrong with your style. ^^
 

Lily

you were the one.
*pops in*

Lots description really isn't a necessity towards one shots. True, a pretty-ful one shot catches the eyes of many readers, but simplicity can pwn complexity any day. I used to love descriptions, partly because if you knew 1000+ adjectives, the SPP fanfic forum practically blew you away with praises. Er, some people helped me get rid of that fetish.

*eyes Act* <_< >_> (Yes, English is a second language).

I love Syra's works, because it's true his descriptions are simply amazing and inspires me at times...but an overdose just drives me off and gives me that same feeling of inferiority and the absolute need to extol it again and again and again (plus his annoyingly stupid modesty >:/)...

Although I won't deny the fact that I enjoyed this particular piece. There is something about his writing that I'm addicted to. oO; Perhaps the style, the envy, or the pretty-ful colors that seems to enhance the writing. *__*; G'job, ry!..

K i'll go now before ppl see me. ;D
 

Ryano Ra

Verdant Vitality
Such glowing reviews. o.o Thank you LilyPichu, Tale, and Encyclopika. But, exactly what does "annoyingly stupud modesty" mean? It sounds dangerously harsh. ;.; (I'm only joking, but what does that mean? Help a lost Syra out.)

Guys, don't be hard on Act. We all have different opinions about description and writing overall, and I think her methods are casting an enchantment on me. 8D Yes, I am a descriptive author, but notice how my level for word usage kinda lowered down (compared to those big, juicy fantasy words I love using. 8D), and I still need to figure out how to keep it at a considerable amount to help the writing flow better. Also, I may be a descriptive Pokenovelist, but as I write, I will be always working on my description to lower it, but somehow hold a stronger effect. That's my true dream, and I think that Act is trying to help me. Also, what does purple prose mean, description and vocabulary?

Anyways, thank you so much, guys, I really appreciate the reviews. ^.^
 
J

jirachiman876

Guest
Well, if it isn't this one-shot again. I actually liked the unrevised version of this. It seemed more...I don't know, meaningful. With this, there is no climactic of the angel getting devoured or getting attacked by her own Pokemon. It would ave been interesting if you did this with the last version. Teh angel i mean. Anyway, i was kinda disapointed. I kinda agree with Act. The discription does need to be toned down a little. It like takes you 5 paragraphs to set a simple scene. But meh. Twas good anyway. Not your best but good. I did find a mistake so that makes it even worse. (jk)

trail swirled and dived from the whispering

I have been seeing this recently and it should be dove.
jirachiman out ;385;
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
Guys, don't be hard on Act.

*Sobs* ;_; No! No! No! No! No! I wasn't intending to be hard at all ;_; I just wanted to get my opinion out in the most justified way possible.
*Slaps self* I knew that it would come out bad!

Act, I'm so so sorry if I seemed...agressive in any form, and Syra, of course you want to improve - sorry if my comments were a little bossy ;_;

I've a right mind to hide in the shadows for a bit...*crawls away*
 
R

~*Ratiosu*~

Guest
Serpent, this was better than I had expected. Many people like to write one-shots about how the legendary balance of nature should not be disrupted, as though it's like a ripple in a lake. But this, this was better than I had expected. I have read a Latias fic much like this, but this was far better and filled with much more description. The only thing that I feel is wrong is that you didn't seem to put much effort into describing the attacks. Simply saying that Solrock gathered energy inside itself is not enough, maybe saying how the sky changed in response to this attack might be a bit better. However, this is only a minor mistake, and everyone went over the rest, so I think that's where I'll leave it at.

~Death Renamon, my soon-to-be name
 

Ryano Ra

Verdant Vitality
X Kazemon said:
Serpent, this was better than I had expected. Many people like to write one-shots about how the legendary balance of nature should not be disrupted, as though it's like a ripple in a lake. But this, this was better than I had expected. I have read a Latias fic much like this, but this was far better and filled with much more description. The only thing that I feel is wrong is that you didn't seem to put much effort into describing the attacks. Simply saying that Solrock gathered energy inside itself is not enough, maybe saying how the sky changed in response to this attack might be a bit better. However, this is only a minor mistake, and everyone went over the rest, so I think that's where I'll leave it at.

~Death Renamon, my soon-to-be name
Yeah, I was going to add prettiful details of the attack during the weekend, although I usually spend weekdays on one-shots and short stories, and mainly focus on my upcoming chaptered novel on the open weekends (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday). I was going to add such nice effects to the attack, since this is taking place in the future and it is a fantasy short story, but when I find available time, I will go back and edit some things to try to improve it. But, thank you so much for reading and reviewing it. It warms my heart. 8D I love writing about Latias, especially since these next short stories will all be connected to the legends and myths of Heavenly Malevolence.
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
Very nice. I especially like the Fantasy aspect added into this Pokemon one-shot, as I'm a big fan of the Fantasy Genre. Ahm. Anyway, I love your description - admire it. I"m a big fan of the kind of "poetic" description you employ in your stories.. and I have to agree what many of your reviewers have already said. Certainly you don't mind me repeating them: This one-shot rocks.

And yes, a sequel would be nice. However, I like the ending you set here that leaves the reader to his or her own imagination. I also like the portrayal of the characters in this one-shot.

Latias then leisurely came out of the water, a darkening smirk on her face.

That was one of my favorite lines. It made me think different of the usual personification of this particular Legendary. Instead of a shy, friendly creature, I myself see a more cunning one. And it makes me think 'Does she really need her brother to protect her? She seems to be doing just fine herself. XD.

There's nothing I can really critique about. Good luck in the rest of your writing.
 

Ryano Ra

Verdant Vitality
Saffire Persian said:
Very nice. I especially like the Fantasy aspect added into this Pokemon one-shot, as I'm a big fan of the Fantasy Genre. Ahm. Anyway, I love your description - admire it. I"m a big fan of the kind of "poetic" description you employ in your stories.. and I have to agree what many of your reviewers have already sad. Certainly you don't mind me repeating them: This one-shot rocks.

And yes, a sequel would be nice. However, I like the ending you set here that leaves the reader to his or her own imagination. I also like the portrayal of the characters in this one-shot.

That was one of my favorite lines. It made me think different of the usual personification of this particular Legendary. Instead of a shy, friendly creature, I myself see a more cunning one. And it makes me think 'Does she really need her brother to protect her? She seems to be doing just fine herself. XD.

There's nothing I can really critique about. Good luck in the rest of your writing.
Ding Ding. And the prize goes to Sapphire Persian. Your statement about Latias not actually needing her brother was what I was trying to secretly hide here, because you constantly read Pokemon fanfictions about her in desperate need. She's just as powerful as him, and can manage on her own, hence, seeing as this one-shot excluded Latios out. I was going to make a sequel, but perhaps I shall leave you all shrouded in many wonders. But, one thing should be obvious; the angel dies.

Thank you for the warming review, it means a lot coming from you. 8D I hope you, and the rest of the reviewers, enjoy the next installment that I plan to start working on during this week or next week, focusing on Articuno, an Ice Goddess, and complete chaos.
 
R

~*Ratiosu*~

Guest
*faints* An awesome, super-cool writer took my advice! OMG...LOL. Anyway, though it was a little lacking in description, like I said, the other things made up for it. So it doesn't really matter which way you take, more description or nothing. I think it's really awesome!
 

Ryano Ra

Verdant Vitality
X Kazemon said:
*faints* An awesome, super-cool writer took my advice! OMG...LOL. Anyway, though it was a little lacking in description, like I said, the other things made up for it. So it doesn't really matter which way you take, more description or nothing. I think it's really awesome!
Well, that was quite interesting. Someone thought I was lacking in description. Goes to show how different people have many, diverse opinions. That's why I love reviewers.

Thank for you the positive feedback and overall review, X Kazemon, I really appreciate it. However, you have baffled me; what advice have you mentioned? I became quite lost when I read that statement, so maybe you can tell me, yes? Oh, wait, you have already reviewed, so I know what you are talking about. ^.^ Thanks again!
 
R

~*Ratiosu*~

Guest
I was confused for a second...*laughs* You're very welcome. I like reviewers too, and my fic below in my sig doesn't seem to be getting very many...it's on the 8th page or something LOL!
 
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