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The first (Maybe) Choose your own adventure style Mystery Dungeon series! (PG)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Skitty1CatzRule, Jun 24, 2011.

?

What result did you get in the prologue? I just want to know.

  1. A, I opted to do nothing. I AM NUMBER 1!

    3 vote(s)
    21.4%
  2. B, I did something, at least... Ok, maybe I was destructive...

    11 vote(s)
    78.6%
  1. Skitty1CatzRule

    Skitty1CatzRule ??? Aspiring author?

    The first (Maybe) Choose your own adventure style Mystery Dungeon series!

    OK. Just to get all the confusion settled about title, approving of style, Ect.
    This is actually myself speaking, for those of you who are confused, ask that crazy looking kid in the corner, Lyra will explain everything... Um... Aghz...
    Know what, just forget it. Just read the Stupid story.
    (This Story starts out deep underground, in a PORTAL2 like beginning, giving a backstory to your inner partner. I LOLed at the robot, and he gave me this crazy Idea. I also gave up on my other story because StormBlade wasn't lovable, Moon was, and she was stuck in chapter three in the B-plot.)



    Pokemon Mystery Dungeon;
    The Explorers of Comedia.
    Book 1, Red Lightning.



    Prologue <(X_X)> Wake up... Wake up...

    You were startled awake by the pounding on the door, and of course, the fact that you are liquefied on the floor. You squish into a red and blue ball and roll across the rusty room, until you reach the door, someone's voice is barely audible above the banging. You stall, almost incapable of thought. You have two basic options, as far as you care, destroy or sit there. Just the tiniest whirr in the back of your mind spurs your actions.
    (You choose to...)

    You shoot a string of goo at the door and rip it off its hinges. Leaving a cloaked figure standing there, quivering.

    "C-c-can I c-come in?"

    You stare questioningly,

    "Inside? Um... you know... Well, I guess you probably don't know what I'm saying."

    He stepped inside, climbing into a hole in the ceiling. He emerges with a gold colored scroll in his hand.

    "You have been asleep for... Oh gosh. You look Drea- Um... great! You are in, uh... Prime condition, yes! That's it! Prime condition!"

    He points at you. Opening the scroll, he reads it aloud.

    "You are test subject no. 4759302, you've been under for the past... Um... 48 years. You are a Doxitto, the slimiest, filthiest, Grim- Uh... just forget that!"

    He tosses the scroll out the window.

    "Since you have been in a coma for this long. You have a slightly minor case of rather serious brain damage. Nothing major, don't be alarmed, but if you are, that's good, because that is the proper reaction to someone telling you that you have brain damage."

    You continue to stare, starting to drip

    "O-k... here's a simple test, say something."
    You stretch into the air, towering above him.

    "Ok, What you did there was stretch, Um... Ah! Here's one. Say, apple."

    You stretch again.

    "Ok! That's close enough, let's get you out of here."
    (Start at option B next chapter.)
    Finally, after a few minutes of chaos, whatever is outside gave up, and receding footsteps echoed through the metal floors.
    You simply fall asleep from the lack of noise, after all, you have no thoughts. (Start at option A next chapter)

    Yes, it's a rather short prologue, but I just wanted a quick snippet. You guys are going to enjoy this, I promise I won't let you down! (I'll be gone all next week, to girls camp.
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2011
  2. Skitty1CatzRule

    Skitty1CatzRule ??? Aspiring author?

    Preview!

    I think, since I'm going to be gone, I should give you guys a preview. No choices in it, just a snippet of the two versions of a chapter.

    Part A C1 preview

    A loud buzzing filled the room as the door was hacked into pieces.

    A hooded figure stamped into your room holding an active chainsaw. You, being unable to think clearly, reach out to touch the spinning blade. At contact, your gooey arm spatters everywhere.

    "Oh my gosh! I didn't hurt you did I? No, no, of course not, you have no way to show pain. My mistake."

    You withdraw into a ball, staring at him with two little black eyes.

    "Oh dear, did I scare... Agh! What the heck happened to your face! You look aw- Great! Ehehe..."

    He turns off the chainsaw, and throws it out the window.

    "Let's just go. I don't want to wander these ruins for another 48 years."




    Part B C1 preview
    As you step into the ruined room, the sudden feeling of chilling recognition hits you. You've been here before...

    You sweep the room, finding only two significant things. A tall cylinder filled with green goo, with an Umbreon floating in the middle attached to test tubes. It never glowed. Second, a dark purple leather throne. A Gardevoir with Lilac hair sat in it, she had drool coming out of the corners of her mouth, and was wearing a black leather robe. Obviously asleep.

    "It took you a while to get here, 48 years... Woe be upon you..."
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2011
  3. GastlyMan

    GastlyMan Ghost Type Trainer

    Hmm, now this is an interesting concept. I like it so far.
    Lowercase shoot and string; then remove the apostrophe in it's. You can combine the two sentences as well - the first is a fragment.
    Be careful of tense changes. Most (if not all) of choose your own adventure stories are written in present-tense, but you had a few sentences written in past tense which were rather distracting.
    What I especially liked was the concept. I love the idea of you being the main character as a Pokemon! I chose A every time, coincidentally.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2011
  4. Absol6028

    Absol6028 What did you say...?

    Now I liked this. Not much to complain about, please continue :3
     
  5. TruetoCheese

    TruetoCheese Cheese is imminent

    This is nice, I like how its a different spin on PMD :D

    Spiderman? :eek:

    That was interesting

    But anyway, this is cool. There's some grammar shenanigans (Watch out for tenses like GastlyMan said) but the plot has potential to grow into something very interesting. To end, a quick question; would the chapters and options start becoming longer in length as the story goes on?
     
  6. Skitty1CatzRule

    Skitty1CatzRule ??? Aspiring author?

    I'll get those errors fixed asap.

    Gastlyman; I'm not exactly sure how to fix the tenses. My iPod does spellcheck for me, but often capitalizes randomly, so I fixed that.

    Absol6028; thanks! Im planning on keeping it interesting~ I will continue and maybe add a sequel when I'm done.

    TruetoCheese; yes, the grammar problems are now being fixed, and this right now is an intro to your partner. The options get bigger, story longer, and of course, randomness random-er
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2011
  7. FieryLucario

    FieryLucario Just a Person

    I like it so far but I'm confused what pokemon are we if we pick number 1
     
  8. Skitty1CatzRule

    Skitty1CatzRule ??? Aspiring author?

    Umm... I haven't really decided yet, but I'll tell you this, the pokemon I might choose is a semi-uber mon... In my opinion anyway. I think it'd be one of these... ;157; :503: :565: ;454; ;196; ;461; :514: :596: :606: :512: ;335; ;310; :553: :573: or a :637: maybe having you turn into a bad;egg; once. I can't decide! :( I might have you become one at around chapter 4.

    I will have the next (1st) chapter posted within the next few days. I'm watching tense changes closely.
     
  9. arceusvictini

    arceusvictini Taking over Serebii

    I wantz more chapters!
     
  10. Phoopes

    Phoopes There it is.

    This is a great concept. I had actually thought about doing something like this as my first fan fic, but then went with something else. Anyway, just watch the grammar, as GastlyMan said, and you should be fine. Now I'm kinda wishing that I had went with my original idea...
     
  11. Pir8Heart

    Pir8Heart ƸӜƷ

    I enjoyed the concept of a choose-your-own-adventure-esque style of fanfiction, but I think a little more detail could be put into even the smallest actions. Example:

    Something like this could be changed into:

    Speaking of open windows......never mind, I am not programmed to make suggestions for plotline issues. But still, this turned okay, and that's a reason to be proud of yourself! Or just try even harder/
     
  12. Skitty1CatzRule

    Skitty1CatzRule ??? Aspiring author?

    I'm back!!! Sorry bout the wait y'all are probably mad at me but...

    Here's the next chapter!!!

    Due to recent events in my life, I was unable to get on and post this, so, I will have a preview attached to the bottom of this.


    Ignore any and all *. they used to be extra spaces. I am currently cleaning them up.

    The next chapter, #1, will probably be one of the Shortest in the book.

    Chapter 1. *The Chainsaw Escape. / Rusty Rescue.

    You wake up once more, to the sound of footsteps. The loud whirr of a chainsaw. The crunch as chainsaw met door.*A loud buzzing filled the room as the door died. The door literally got chopped up and died. Stupid robotics engineering.

    The hooded figure that killed the door stamped into your room holding that active chainsaw. You, being unable to think clearly, reach out to touch the spinning blade. At contact, your gooey arm spatters everywhere.

    "Ouch, that had to hurt! I didn't hurt you did I? No, no, of course not, you have no way to show pain. My mistake."

    You withdraw into a ball, staring at him with two little black eyes.

    "Oh dear, I did scare... Agh! What the heck happened to your face! You look goo- Great! Ehehe..."*

    He turns off the chainsaw, and throws it out into the corridor.*

    "Let's just go. I don't want to wander these ruins for another 48 years."

    He walked over to a framed painting on the wall. Taking the painting off the wall gently, he pulls on a blue cord that was behind the painting. He pulls of his hood to reveal a rounded snout, tall ears, and four pig-tail-things. He looked like he was wearing a black mask.

    "My name is Luke. I'm here to help Zero get all survivors of the blackout back to HQ." Luke watched the wall as it began to quiver.

    The wall on the far side of the room opened, revealing a giant door on the far side of a huge storage room. It swung open to a tiny safe on top of a table, it fell away reveal a marble sized cube in it. Luke dashed over to it. Instead of grabbing the cube, he turned the table around to reveal another safe door. Opening it, he removed a metal marble of some sort.

    "Now... If Zero were to have rescued you, he would've gone with a helicopter. I prefer to stay on the ground. So we're taking something much more sophisticated." He said over the whirring if machinery. Causing the longest echo in history of echo.

    He brought the marble back, careful not to step in the brown puddles. Throwing it on the ground, and taking a few steps back, he watched as the machine grew into a land crawler, complete with Heatran-like features. There is twenty compartments, and each one seemed to be arranged to look like teeth. The claws are made entirely of sticky white material, as well as the two harpoons sticking out of either side of the cockpit.

    "I'll need you to get in one of those compartments, ok? I mean, it is the only way out of here, and I'm pretty sure you can't drive."

    You grumble, making sure he knows you aren't pleased.

    "Oh come on, don't be like that, look at the bright side, at least you aren't dead." He hopped up on top of the cockpit.

    You slime up the machine, careful to get inside one of the biggest compartments. With a roar, the engine spit fire around the compartments.

    Luke laughed as two chainsaws popped out of the sides of the monstrous machine and hacked away at the walls and ceiling of your room. A framed magazine titled 'AuraFish Saves the Day' was also chopped up in the process and little bits of the magazine managed to get stuck in the blowtorch causing it to spontaneously combust.

    "Ok, I didn't need that, I did not need that... Yup, I needed that." he was staring sadly at his controls.

    He made the thing climb up and on top of the several containers, then shot the harpoons at a giant purple door. They made it through the door, and undead of pulling the machine up, the door popped off it's hinges. Luke smiled from behind the wheel. He was enjoying the destruction. You decide to annoy him.*

    'A good idea, huh?!' the puny voice of a conscience screams, 'I, as your creator am--'

    You shut out the voice. A string of your goo hits the control panel of the compartment and you become the machine. You turn on its radio. The noise shakes everything. The vibrations, as powerful as an earthquake, were everywhere, in you, in Luke, in the walls. In the already cracking ceiling...
    A giant slate of plaster hits the top of a container next to you, which was swinging so badly, it fell with the weight. You turn the radio off and remove the connection to the machine. Luke was absolutely furious.

    "YOU ARE RUINING MY CALM!!! You... Err... I... Nevermind..."

    He slid down in his seat. Shame. Shame. Shame. You bubbled down into yourself. And the machine continued, up up up into the corridor of the broken door. It was a desert, with several mini suns floating throughout it.

    "Whoa..."

    You and Luke were both astounded by the realistic look, and the sweltering heat.

    "There's the door..." Luke pointed to the door encrusted with ice, "The machine will have an incredibly hard time getting over there." Luke put his head on the steering wheel.

    "We won't make it."

    "You doubt." you growl, knowingly watching the sand.

    "What?!"

    "The way over there... It depends on me. Catch those mini suns in the claws. I'll take care of the rest." you begin the silent plan in your head.

    Start at option B. Then a. next chapter.*
    You slime up the machine, careful to get inside one of the biggest compartments. With a roar, the engine spit fire around the compartments.

    Luke laughed as two chainsaws popped out of the sides of the monstrous machine and hacked away at the walls and ceiling of your room. A framed magazine titled 'AuraFish Saves the Day' was also chopped up in the process and little bits of the magazine managed to get stuck in the blowtorch causing it to spontaneously combust.

    "Ok, I didn't need that, I did not need that... Yup, I needed that." he was staring sadly at his controls.

    He made the thing climb up and on top of the several containers, then shot the harpoons at a giant purple door. They made it through the door, and undead of pulling the machine up, the door popped off it's hinges. Luke smiled from behind the wheel. He was enjoying the destruction. You decide to annoy him.*

    'Why would you do that?!' the puny voice of a conscience screams, 'I, as your creator am disappointed.'

    You ignore the voice. A string of your goo hits the control panel of the compartment and you become the machine. You turn on its radio. The noise shakes everything. The vibrations, as powerful as a volcano, were everywhere, in you, in Luke, in the cieling. In the already cracking walls...
    A giant slate of plaster hits the top of the container next to you, which was swinging wildly, it fell after impact. You turn the radio off and remove your connection to the machine. Luke was astonished and angry.

    "YOU ARE KILLING MY GOOD MOOD!!! You... Grr... I... Nevermind..."

    He slid down in his seat. Shame. Shame. Shame. You bubbled down into yourself. And the machine continued, up up up into the corridor of the broken door. It was a giant tundra, with several mini snowstorms floating throughout it.

    "Whoa..."

    You and Luke were both astounded by the realistic look, and the chilling cold.

    "There's the door..." Luke pointed to the door that was on fire, "The machine will have an incredibly hard time getting over there." Luke put his head on the steering wheel.

    "We can't make it."

    "Yes, we can." you said, thinking of the solution.

    "Maybe" Luke's voice was muffled by the steering wheel.

    "Incredibly dangerous, yet so easy, it all depends on the broken flamethrower and my hacking ability." your voice surprises you. Supreme and clear, it sounds like you were so sure of yourself, yet you weren't.

    Start at B. Then b. Next chapter.


    The Hooded figure dashed around you and ripped a framed painting off the wall and chucked it through the door. Laughingly pulling on a red cord, he pulls off his hood. A pointed snout and part of a ponytail dominated his head.*

    "The name's Zero, by the way." He grinned sheepishly, "I do hope you like helicopters."

    The wall on the far side of the room opened, revealing a giant door. It swung open to a tiny safe on top of a table, it fell away reveal a marble sized cube in it. Zero dashed over to it.

    "This!-- This is our way out of here!" He yelled, shaking the tiny cube in his claws.

    He skillfully navigated the valley of tiled marble flooring back to your room, where you were watching in the tiniest form of awe.

    He threw the cube to the carpet, and it transformed into a small cockpit with three blades on top and five oval-ish chamber-like thingies on the bottom.

    "Well, what are you waiting for? Get into a chamber! We gotta go!" Zero clambered into the cockpit and started pushing buttons.*

    You try to, in your best ability to do so, think of the many things that could go wrong with trusting Zero. A very difficult choice is presented. Is Zero to be trusted? You still think he is OK to trust... Maybe.

    The chamber immediately closes in an air tight seal around you. As the rickety old chopper lifts off the ground, your ceiling falls apart, showing... Another spacious storage room.*

    "Erm... Just to let you know, you're probably one of the few survivors in this entire facility... Maybe the only survivor... But... That doesn't matter, all that matters is that we get out of here and rescue my friend." He shifted the helicopter into a narrow corridor.

    You gurgle out the tiniest form of "I'd love to help!"

    He bursts into a hyena-like squall of laughter, chortling to himself. "Hoo... Ok, ok... That was funny. Hehe... I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing at your disability. What did you say?"

    You repeated the sentence, careful to keep it clear.

    "Alright kiddo, you got some stuff. My kind of person. Just like Luke. Well... Try to hold onto something... This'll get pretty rough."

    The flying machine zipped through the halls, scraping the sides and bashing through tapestries. Until it reached yet another dull storage room, where he proceeded down what looked like the same hall. At the end of that, there was still one more giant gray storage room with brown liquid at the bottom. It still looked a heck of a lot like the last storage room.*

    "I think we might be going in circles!" Zero coughed, "There are the same scrape marks in this hallway!"

    He swung the craft around, searching for another door of a sort. Stopping in front of a purple door, he slammed into the door, forcing the chopper into the room. Your chamber opened, and you pour out onto the red carpet. Zero was clawing at the cockpit door, which had crumpled into place.*

    "Go on without me, save my friend." he pleaded, "I'd hate to find her dead. Poor Jinx, she must be growing old, waiting for us..." he tosses a dark pulse at the door, attempting to break it.*

    *As you slide down the royal corridor, he calls after you, throwing the chamber towards you. "Be wary of her. She is evil. She even tried to kill Jinx."*

    Taking his advice rather lightly, you drag the chamber up a spiral staircase. Finally you reach a studded black leather door. Strangely enough, it was familiar to you. A tiny gash in the leather triggers a flood of memories. You letting loose an aura blast. You absorbing a bomb. You splattering everywhere because of the bomb. A familiar hooded figure cleaning you off the walls. You and a ditto slapping hands.

    A chill runs up your ectoplasmic body as you remember feelings of horror and dread. You, in great anger, shooting metal shards at the nameless figure. You ripping the last shard from a studded black leather door... This door.

    You let go of the chamber, letting it slide down the staircase... Reaching out tentatively, you feel the ragged gash where you had tried to attack the figure. It still had a bit of metal in it.

    You decide optimistically to open the door and step inside. The old room has plants tearing apart the walls. But you don't step in yet.. You wait for the flood of memories.

    You ripping the door open with your ectoplasm. You smashing the same figure against a glass tube. A machine snapping you up into a glass cage. Noxious gasses filling the cage. Blackness.

    The flood stops.*As you step into the ruined room, the sudden feeling of chilling recognition hits you. You remember that you've been here before...

    You sweep the room, finding only two significant things. A tall cylinder filled with green goo, with an Umbreon floating in the middle attached to test tubes. It never glowed. Second, a dark purple leather throne. A Gardevoir with Lilac hair sat in it, she had drool coming out of the corners of her mouth, and was wearing a black leather robe. Obviously asleep.*

    "It took you a while to get here, 48 years... Woe be upon you..."

    Zero came running up behind you, huffing and wheezing. "Whew... I made it... So... Where is she? And... Omigosh! It's her! Wait... She's dead! Whew... I think, if she was alive, she'd kill us."

    He wandered towards the cylinder. "That is my friend. Jinx is HQ's only weapons engineer, so we had to locate her. By Arceus... My poor little sister..." he fired off another dark pulse of energy this time aimed at the throne. It disintegrated.

    "Woah... Zero, you really have lost it. Is her condition too much for you?"

    "Who are you?!" Zero snarled.

    "Oh... You know me... That brat tried to kill me! She did!"
    The voice started to huff.*
    "You! Doxitto, no.*4759302, Hello! Come over to the throne and push the purple button."

    "What?! No no no no! Don't do it!" Zero screeched, clawing at a glass cage that suddenly formed around him.
    Bing! The room started to shake. The Gardevoir opened her blood red eyes.

    "Thank you, number 4759302! I can finally put this place back together. I, Sil, shall rule this facility forever!" Sil started to laugh maniacally.

    "Not if I can help it!" a blue blur of light shot out of the corridor, hitting Sil square in the chest.

    Start at option A. then a. again next chapter.

    You turn away and slime your way over to the giant cylinder. Pushing the red button on it, the Umbreon is spat out, and she starts to glow a deep blue.

    "Nice work. Now, I might just have to destroy you." a new hooded figure was standing in the corridor. His black and blue snout was the only thing visible, and he seemed to be smirking.

    Start at option A. then b. next chapter.

    You slime your way back to the crash site. Only to find Zero running straight at you. Unable to stop, you two collide head on.*

    "Gah! Can I not trust you to go ahead?!" he started to clean you off of his cloak.*

    When he had finally gotten you back into a ball and into a mobile chamber, he shuffled to the black leather door. Opening it, he swept the overgrown room for something. He walked towards a cylinder full of green liquid and a Umbreon floating in the middle with many test tubes attached to it. He seemed to steer clear of the lilac haired Gardevoir in the throne of purple leather. She had drool on both corners of her mouth. Probably asleep.

    A chain-like cord whipped Zero off of his feet. The chamber cracked against an exposed area of cement, allowing you to gush out. When you got yourself back together, Zero somehow was in a separate cylinder. It was steadily filling with green liquid, he was screaming in an extremely high pitch.*

    "Doxitto, I am Sil, and I need you to push the lavender colored button on my throne." Sil, the telepathic voice, was transmuted through the glass to Zero.

    "How stupid does she think you are?! Come on! Um... Please push the red button on the control booth." Zero stared frighteningly at the goop that continued creep up his feet.

    Muttering curses in some obscured space language, you push the stupid red button. The stupid little machine let out a happy "bleep!" and showed a partial smiley face on it's puny screen.
    The Umbreon and a bunch of green goop slid out next to you, as did Zero from his chamber.

    "Pweh... This stuff is gross! Good thing you understood."

    "You'll pay for that choice of yours. You dirty rotten piece of space junk!" Sil screamed, which sounded EPIC through telepathy.

    You ignore her, and watch as the Umbreon starts to glow a bright blue.

    Clapping issued from the shadowed corridor, "Excellent! I might just have to kill you now." a hooded figure was leaning against the corridor entrance.*

    Start at option A. then b. Next chapter

    *With a jolly "Bing!" the machine next to the throne shows a smiley face on it's puny screen. The room started to shake. Sil slowly opened her blood-red eyes. Eyeing you she proudly stood.

    "Thank you, number 4759302! I can finally put this place back together once and for all." she opened the wall behind her, and you stare at the red eyes peering out of the black.

    "No!!!" a blue ball of light shot out of the dark corridor. Hitting Sil square in the chest. A hooded figure flew put of the corridor crouching and sliding in front of you. He was holding two glowing blue bone-swords. His blue and black snout held the slightest smirk, as If he was enjoying this. 'Course, you couldn't see all of his face. That was the point of a hood.

    Start at option A. then a. again next chapter.
    *
    *
    *
    *



    The room grew dead silent as you, Jinx, Luke, and Zero slipped in through the door.*

    "We gots a-nodder! Whatcha want? A shot of Goa? Cider? Milk? Fireweed Gumbo? No Java, I hope, cuz we're picked clean."

    "Yeah, we'll just have some Cider. Hey, Rubin, if you want anything. Zero has it on the house." Luke yawned. "Running and sleeping aren't meant to be together... I need a nice big apple cider too."

    "Shut up Luke. You're going to get us killed." Jinx hissed. "It isn't our fault that we almost get killed if you can't take your mind off of food."

    "Frogs..." You grumble wearily, "I hate frogs."

    "Oh boo! That was fun! Where's another frog legion, I wanna do that again!" Zero ran in place imitating Luke when he had started screaming.*

    "Shut your trap you dope!" Luke punched him in the jaw. "It's bad enough that I screamed that high, not to mention you being able to imitate it!"

    Everyone at the bar started to laugh at them. Jinx nudged you towards the bar tables. You took one look at the distance, transformed into an Octillery and quickly slid to a stool.

    "You're a little tired too." Jinx hopped up onto the bar stool next to you. Watching Luke and Zero starting to brawl once more. "Ugh... They don't stop, do they? Those offspring of a ditto. O-oh... No offense to you."

    "None taken..." You mumbled.*

    You stare off at a crowd forming around the little stage as a Band consisting of a banjo playing Staraptor, *a ukelele playing Noctowl, a Timba playing Charizard, And a Blaziken with a huge drum set. They were all wearing *sparkly purple-pink leather capes.*

    More laughter erupted from where Luke and Zero were roughing it out. You turned to look. Jinx grabbed your shoulder and growled.

    "Don't look, they'll think we're daft too. It's best if we just sit and eat. In fact, I think I'll head over to the stage, there's only one pokemon in the world who could play ukelele that well." She flew off the stool and padded towards the crowd.*

    You steal a glance at Zero and Luke, they had finally stopped fighting and we're laughing along with a crowd.

    "You with them?" A gruff voice asked

    You look up, a Seismitoad was staring at you on the other side of the bar table.*

    "Them's idiots, that darn right. You want milk? Goa? I givin' free milk. So? Milk? Goa?" he gave you a toothy grin.*

    "I like milk..." There was an excited shriek from the direction of the stage.*

    "Guess who it is Rubin!!! Hoots!!!" An ecstatic Jinx was prancing towards you with the Noctowl in tow.

    "I go get the milk while you talk it out."

    "MILK!!!!!!" Jinx went goggly eyed, and started sprouting fangs. She leapt at the shelf sinking the silver fangs into the glass and sucking the milk out. *

    "Milk Vampress!!!" silver knives and screaming cropped up all around Jinx.

    "Again? Seriously? I swear, your meds are doing something to you. Or is it your condition?" The Noctowl's voice had a crystal ring to it. She also had the slightest Eastern European accent. You wondered how you knew all that. As you hadn't been to the human world.

    Hootz's wings slapped you as she tried to pry Jinx from the giant milk canister.

    "I am a creature of the night, the only thing that matters now is milk, YOU WILL GIVE ME ALL YOUR MILK!!!" Jinx roared like a Arcanine.

    "No! You are a normal Umbreon, not a cyber modified monster! You are not going to get more milk!" Hootz pulled harder, knocking you off the stool with her wings.

    Both Zero and Luke were jumping over the counter to start pulling on their sister. In all of the franticness, no one noticed the farmer running through the streets screaming about frogs. True terror coursed through you as you recalled last nights encounter. You curled yourself into the darkest corner possible. Willing it all to go away.
    *"I'll try Goa..." There was an excited yelp from the direction of the stage.*

    "Guess who it is Rubin!!! Hootz!!!" An ecstatic Jinx was prancing towards you with the Noctowl in tow.

    "I go get the goa while you talk, pity you didn't want milk at all..." he went through the kitchen door.

    "MILK!!!!!!" Jinx went goggly eyed, and started sprouting fangs. She leapt at the shelf sinking the silver fangs into the glass canister and sucking all the milk out. *

    "Milk Vampress!!!" Silver knives pierced everything near Jinx. Several bar tenders were flinging silver knives randomly in panic.

    "Again? Seriously? I swear, your meds are doing something to you. Or is it your condition?" Hootz sighed. She grabbed Jinx's tail and started to pull.

    Hootz's wings slapped you as she tried to pry Jinx from the giant milk canister.

    "I am always a creature of the night, the only thing that I want now is milk, YOU WILL GIVE ME ALL YOUR MILK!!!" Jinx roared like a Groudon.

    "No! You are a normal Umbreon, not a cyber modified monster! You are not going to drink their milk!" Hootz pulled harder, knocking you off the stool with her wings.

    Both Zero and Luke were jumping over the counter to start pulling their sister. In all of the franticness, no one noticed the fisherman running through the streets screaming about frogs. True terror coursed through you as you remembered last nights encounter. You curled yourself into the darkest corner possible. Willing it all to go away. You didn't think to tell Luke and Zero.
    *
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2011
  13. RubberChicken

    RubberChicken Well-Known Member

    I too have to jump on the "great concept" bandwagon. I feel the latest chapter is better written than the previous, so maybe that long break did you some good. That said hopefully the interval between now and the next installment isn't as long.
     

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