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The Forgotten Enchantment

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Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
Hi everyone! This is my first fic so I'm kinda nervous about it, I hope you like it :)

Please don't Spam! And try your best to give reviews that are worth to read

-~Table of Contents~-

Well...Here's it ^_^

The Forgotten Enchantment

Chapter One

Aromabell Islands. Few towns, cities, and villages are on the island. Different types of Pokemon are in Aromabell islands. Some Pokemon that are found there are Ralts, Growlithe, and a few Ghost Pokemon such as Shuppet. The Villages in Aromabell islands have an amazing beauty, and have all types of flowers. Almost every type of Grass Pokemon are found at the villages. The most well known village is Celebi Village, the village is named after the legendary Grass Pokemon Celebi. Aromabell islands are surrounded by amazing seas, with scenic, breathtaking views. Water Pokemon such as Lapras are found all around there, and most of the people who know about Aromabell visit there and enjoy the soothing, beautiful scene. The ocean sparkles when the sun is boiling hot, and at the sunset the sparkles slowly fade, while its they turn to different, magnificent colors. The most popular city there to all the people who know about the islands is Aromabell City, a legendary city to average people. Some rumours say that Aromabell city had vanished somehow, others say it’s a city under the sea, and many other tall tales, but the truth is…it’s just a not-so-ordinary city that only the greatest trainers of all know about, and of course, the citizens of the islands. The toughest, smartest and greatest trainers travel there to face the legendary Elite Seven.

Sailaira and Laira, the Psychic twins, the oldest of all the sisters who make up the seven. They’re always seen battling together, and rarely battle separately. They are extremely kind, and very forgiving. Their strongest Pokemon are their two Gardevoirs, one nicknamed Gardelvoir and the nicknamed Gardervoir. They are the hardest to beat of all of their Pokemon. The twins use the same Pokemon, but with different moves.

Rose, the Ultimate trainer. Though younger than Sailaira and Laira, she’s the toughest to beat, thus earning her the title "Ultimate Trainer". She works hard to beat her challengers and nothing will stop her from winning a battle.

Violet, the younger twin for Rose, is the rejected one. Her father paid no attention to her because he was too busy with Rose. Her father paid little attention to any of her sisters, for most of the attention was on Rose, but no attention was paid to her. Violet is very feminine, but she can be hasty in tough situations. She uses Grass Types like her twin and her favorite Pokemon is Vileplume. Her Vileplume is said to be her starter, and the strongest of all of her Pokemon.

Amber and Anahita, twins that are as different as different can be. Amber uses Fire Types and her favorite Pokemon is her Arcanine. Her personality is like a flame, she’s not that calm and she gets outraged when somebody antagonizes her. Anahita uses Water Types, her favorite is her Milotic. She trained her Milotic to become incredibly fast. Anahita’s personality is like Water, she’s very calm, collected, but sometimes she could be a bit conceited. The seventh sister…was unfortunately kidnapped

These Seven sisters have special powers and abilities they have inherited from their father. Sailaira and Laira have Psychic Powers, and the ability to look into the future and read people’s minds. Sailaira gets visions of the future in random bursts, while Laira can look into the future anytime she wants. Sailaira could read people’s minds at her leisure, but Laira randomly reads people’s minds in spontaneous bursts.

Rose and Violet have Grass Powers, and they have the ability to grow flowers and turn wilted plants back to their original beauty.

Amber has the fire power and the ability to walk into Flames without being hurt and to create flames and control them. Anahita is the only one of the sisters that doesn’t have any powers.

Trainers have to prove they’re strong enough to battle the Elite Seven. They have to have proof that they have beaten all of the Elite Fours and the Frontier Brains.

How did they become the great trainers they are now? How did the youngest sister get kidnapped? Here’s The Forgotten Enchantment.



Its always quiet in here, I hate it but I’ve learned to get used to it. Everything right now is perfect.

Well, at least that’s what mother thinks.

Everybody says that I’m too modest, too quiet, and too nice. Yes, I wanted to tell mom that I didn’t like Lavender Town, but she’s just…Happier than before, I can’t ruin it for her, even though she’s ruining it for me. I never thought I would say this but I actually miss Laira. I guess you never know how much you like someone until that someone is gone.

Ever since what happened that day, everything has completely changed. I’m not the type that copes with things that fast. It’s been five years and it feels like I’ve just arrived here.

Violet, Amber, and Anahita are currently living with strangers. People they don’t know, they have no way to contact with any of us. Sometimes I wonder, should I be thankful, or should I do something about this?

Rose is with father, which was predictable. For some reason dad is like paper and glue with Rose. I don’t see anything special about her. Well, other than her ability to grow plants, but Violet has that ability too. I have to admit, Rose is a bit annoying.

Rose has always been mean to Violet, but Violet was nice to her. I doubt she’s having a bad time without Rose. Anahita and Amber, I know they’re extremely different from each other but they always get along very well. I’m sure they’re having a very difficult time being separated.

Mother has a new job, she’s currently working at Celadon. She has to wake up at 5:00am, take the bus to Celadon, and return late. So I’m usually left alone in the house. My Kirlia and Eevee keep me company, they’re the most precious thing I have right now. I nicknamed my Eevee Sunshine while Laira nicknamed her Eevee Sunlight, we made a deal to nickname our Kirlias when they evolve to Gardevoirs. I nickname mine Gardelvoir and she names hers Gardervoir I’m trying so hard to train Sunshine and Kirlia by myself, since father always wanted all of us to become powerful trainers. He could’ve just focused on all of us than just on Rose, but I really don’t mind. I think it’s better if you train by yourself, that way you will make your own strategy.

I never had a chance to see Jenjer, since she was kidnapped a few hours later when she was born. I only saw her once, well in a vision. If I ever had a chance to change all of that I will, without second thoughts.

*Flashback*
Five Years ago…

“This is a disaster!” Sailaira started screaming “What should we do now?! We just can’t leave Amber and Anahita alone!! They’re just two!! And Rose and Violet, they’re just four!! And we’re just nine Laira, nine!”

“Sis…calm down…um…I’m sure um…Grandma will figure out something for this…um…situation…You just have to learn to…stay positive.” Laira was trying to calm her sister down, she knew this was dreadful, the biggest situation she had to face. She never thought that somebody would kidnap one of her sisters. What did they do to anyone? They were just a bunch of little kids, innocent little kids…they didn’t do anything bad to the woman who kidnapped her baby sister!

“Calm down? Calm down! Our sister has been kidnapped, Laira! And she's only two days old!” Sailaira continued yelling, her violet eyes glowing from the tears she was holding back. She knew yelling wasn’t going to do any good for the situation, but it made her feel better.

After a long period of silence, Sailaira suddenly felt a weird feeling taking over her body. Her eyes experienced a weird feeling, they were somehow turning back. She could hear absolutely nothing. For a second she thought she was dead, it felt like something was keeping her trapped, but then it hit her

Her first vision.

*Vision*
A woman that looked roughly 25 was holding Jenjer in her hands while running. Her face wasn’t clear, as it was hidden by the darkness and her black hair that looked like a shadow in the dark, frightening night. She was running so fast. Her speed was like a Linoone running straight through an open field, nothing in its way, and nothing chasing it. John began to chase her. The woman’s speed was unbelievable. But he just wouldn’t give up. She took a turn left, breathing heavily, cradling Jenjer in her arms. The baby was crying so hard and she was trying to shush her while continuing to flee. John continued chasing her, gasping for breath, the sound of his daughter crying helping him to locate the kidnapper in the darkness. The kidnapper suddenly found herself at a dead end. She looked back but she couldn't find John. John, following the sound of his daughter crying, reached to the same dead end the kidnapper had reached, but he didn’t find anyone. He heard Jenjer crying again, the sound was coming from behind, he looked back and he saw the kidnapper running faster this time. John was trying so hard to chase her, but lost trace of her. His daughter’s crying faded into the night. John began walking slowly instead of running fast. With no choice left, he returned to his wife’s room. As he walked into his wife’s room, it was clear in his eyes that he was trying to hold tears back. He couldn’t hold the tears back, the tears were falling down his face.
*End of vison*
*End of Flashback*

That’s the problem with visions, they always give you weird feelings. Visions make you see stuff you shouldn’t see, feelings you shouldn’t feel. I actually felt what dad was feeling. It was weird, since I can’t force the visions to come to me, Laira could though. She feels the same thing I feel when I get visions, that’s why she rarely wants visions coming to her.

Well, sometimes visions are helpful. Like that one time where I had a vision about Sunshine getting trapped inside the Storage Room, if I didn’t have that vision Sunshine wouldn’t be here.

There are a lot of good parts about Lavender. Like the Pokemon Tower, I love going there but I don’t know why. Kirlia doesn’t like it, but Sunshine does. Sunshine is very different than me, she’s much braver.

For some reason I don’t think Sunshine will be able to evolve to an Espeon, I’ve always wanted an Espeon. Lavender town is haunted with Ghosts but we can’t see them, that’s what the citizens say. The city is a bit of dark that sometimes I don’t know if its day or night. That’s why I’ve stopped training Sunshine in Lavender. There’s just one thing I can’t understand about Lavender. It never happened to me before in Aromabell, it started a few months after we had just arrived here. I know what they want, they always come to me. Not just in Lavender, no no, everywhere in Kanto. But I manage to make them go away.

It’s just one of them that keeps on haunting me somehow.


I hope you like it, please review!

~Timid Kyogre
 
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El hariyamer

Order of the Green
Very good for a first fanfic. There were a few spelling errors, but I'm too lazy to pick them out. Very good descriptions. I'd hardly have guessed this was a first attempt.

Aromabell Islands. Few towns, cities, and villages are on the island. Different types of Pokemon are in Aromabell islands. Some Pokemon that are found there are Ralts, Growlithe, and a few Ghost Pokemon such as Shuppet.

Sounds like a tourist advertisement. :)

Try adding a bit more description other than the basic for the visions.

A very good first attempt. I await Chapter 2.
 

Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
El hariyamer: Thanks for your reply! ^_^ I'll try my best to add more description for the visions. This chapter wasn't the best one, there will be longer and much more interesting chapters.

Chapter Two will be up soon!

~Timid Kyogre
 
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Ex_Mightyena

Mightyena Master
oh man that was excellent for a first fic!you raved on about it for so long I thought you would never do it lol.

I wish the stolen sister could come back and be stronger than rose,but it probably wouldnt happen because after all she will only be 5.
I dont remember and physical body description,only things about eyes,personalitys and special traits/powers.

I didnt see any spelling mistakes and I checked it with an abc checker.
and I like the sound of aromabell islands to,
it should be like this:
kanto=sevii islands
johto=orange islands
hoenn=aromabell islands.

I also look forward to chapter 2,make sure you pm me when its out!
 
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Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
Chapter Two: Its finished I'm just reviewing, hopefully it will come today or tomorrow

More details about the sisters will come, this chapter was just the begining. The other chapters are far more intersting like I said before.

Please keep it in mind that *WARNING: Spoiler* [SPOIL]The sisters are six I know but someone else will come, thats why they are the Elite Seven[/SPOIL]

~Timid Kyogre
 
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Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
Well...Here's it, Chapter Two!

The Forgotten Enchantment

Chapter Two

I’m a proud psychic, and proud of my Psychic abilities. I’m just not a proud of my ability to see dead Pokemon.

I manage to get them away from me, but there’s this one Pokemon that won’t go away.

“You know that I could defeat you anytime, Sailaira.” The Pokemon started talking to me, I just came from school and it knew perfectly well how bad my day was.

It knows everything about me.

It wasn’t a normal Pokemon, it’s a ghost so it was a bit white and pale. Sometimes I get freaked out when I start talking to it.

“And I could defeat you and kick you out of my life at the same time. Like a Heracross using Megahorn against a weakling like you. Face it, your trainer killed you for obvious reasons.”

“Then why didn’t you defeat me like any Heracross would?”

“Because I’d love to see you suffer.” and I gave the Umbreon a fake grin, and slammed the door infront of its face.

Of course, it could walk through walls so it wasn’t as mad as a human would be.

“Sai-“

“Shut up! Will you? I’m only fourteen and you’re making me handle problems a 20 year old should handle!”

There was kind of an echo in the room, the living room was huge. The walls were painted white and there were a few furnishings around. We didn’t need much furnishing since only two people live in the house.

“But-“

It got on my nerves okay? What else I could’ve done else use my psychic powers and throw it on the wall. I love Pokemon, just not this one.

“S…s….sai….” Kirlia knew how to talk to me, since we’re both Psychics “Y…you’re s…scaring me!! You’re eyes are glowing blue!!”

I was out of control, this always happened just not in this way. I didn’t listen to Kirlia and continued throwing Umbreon on the wall over and over again. I tried to stop then but I couldn’t, my abilities took over me that time. The good thing was I knew it wouldn’t die since well…It was already dead.

“EEVEE!!” Sunshine screamed in a terrified voice, I couldn’t let her see something that would terrify her for the rest of her life, so I stopped right away.

“Sailaira!” Kirlia said, her voice had a very serious tone in it

“I’m glad you suffered.” I told Umbreon rudely

“You won’t be able to get rid of me, Sailaira.”

“For the last-“

“Sailaira!” Kirlia repeated the same serious tone she just had

“Idiot,” Umbreon said in a snobbish kind of way

“Do you want to NOT survive? Want me to do it again now? I could easily repeat it.”

“Sailaira…Please stop…” Kirlia repeated what she said in a much more solemn way

“Fine, but don’t think I won’t do it again.”

“You’re easy…” Umbreon said in a low voice, the house was so quiet so I could hear him. I wanted to look back but Kirlia pushed me in a very light way.

I went to my room, Kirlia and Sunshine sat right next to me on my bed. The room was usually quiet if there are no celebrations in Lavender. I’m much of a quiet person. I’m not one of those psycho psychics you always see, they’re just misusing their powers.

I don’t like my room to be bright so I usually light some candles. My room is just a typical room, like any other room.

“Um…I have a few more levels ‘till I evolve.” Kirlia has always been kind, she always tried to cheer me up but it rarely works. I still appreciate what she does

“Thanks Kirlia but its not going to work today, while Umbreon is around I’ll barely have enough time to train you.”

Boredom was very clear on Sunshine. I’m not going to let my Pokemon’s lives change because of a stupid Umbreon. Its time I talked to Umbreon, about its past.

“Where are you going?” Kirlia asked

“If you want to come and see your nightmare again, sure I have no problem.”

“Okay…I’m coming.”

She told Sunshine to come with us, and as usual Sunshine wasn’t really bothered. I doubt if Sunshine will be afraid of anything when, hopefully, she evolves to an Espeon.

I went downstairs to the living room again, the room was colder than before.

“Umbreon, come out I need to talk to you.”

Umbreon lazily came from his favorite place, under the sofa. Kirlia went behind me, she was scared of Umbreon’s pale face.

“Could you tell me more about your…err…trainer?”

“What’s in it for me?”

I looked at Kirlia, she nodded

“You’ll see.”

“Well…okay…She isn’t old, she is about eight years old. Her powers weren’t ordinary, she didn’t really care much about anything.”

“That’s obvious…” Kirlia interrupted with her arms crossed

“Err hm…Anyway. She was very quiet, everyone was afraid of her. Including her father. I was a gift from him, she didn’t train me to an Umbreon, he did because of her…Her…”

Umbreon’s mind went completely blank that time, it was quieter than ever as if it’s having a reminiscent of something

“…Curse” Umbreon finally came back to its senses

“What curse?” I asked Umbreon

“She…she was cursed…Sh-she told me that before”

“Umbreon, there is nothing to be scared of. She is not here so you could talk.”

“She nicknamed me Shadow...And…And…She nicknamed me that...because of the c…c…”

“Curse.” Kirlia said

“Umbreon…?”

“She has Dark Abilities…The curse makes it…more…”

“Shadow’s Curse?” Kirlia asked

Umbreon nodded

“What’s that?” I asked Kirlia, she didn’t answer

She was in complete shock, just like Umbreon a few minutes ago

“She…she was always locked in…….”

“Her room?” I asked

“Y-yes…”

“Why?”

“Shadow’s Curse is a deadly curse, it doubles the magical ability that person has. Destructive” Kirlia said “Whoever has that curse dies seventeen years after that or changes.”

“Changes?” I asked

“Personality.” Kirlia said

“Why was she locked in her room all the time?”

“Her outrages were far more powerful than any normal outrage, she had an obsession with Umbreons so her dad got me as a present for her.”

“And she could curse anyone she wants to curse.” Kirlia said

“Then why did she kill you?”

“Complete psycho.”

“She had her own problems. Well, I never knew why exactly. I’m here to find out.” Umbreon shot a mean look at Kirlia

“Did she treat you nicely?” I asked

“Yeah very, she nicknamed me Shadow. Named after the curse.”

Suddenly it was all quiet, everyone was staring at Umbreon in a sad way. I felt very sorry for it, killed by its own trainer…

“Hey look, I’m going to the tower. I’ll try to figure out something about her. Come on Sunshine, Kirlia you stay with Umbreon.”

“Shadow.” Shadow corrected

“Yes, Shadow.”

I went outside of the house with Sunshine on my shoulder, the town was small so everything was near our house. It only took a few minutes to go to the tower. The first room was pretty boring, I liked the rest of the tower. I enjoy reading what’s written on the graves and listening to stories of people that lost their Pokemon.

This floor was full of graves, nothing else. The graves were usually dark and some of them had wilted roses on them. The room was a bit dark, but when I first went upstairs something grabbed my attention right away. It was a sort of bright grave. Brighter than the other graves, it had a few flowers on it that weren’t wilted so I knew that Pokemon didn’t die long ago.

“Sad isn’t it?” A voice appeared from behind me just when I was about to read what was written on the grave. She was a little girl with black hair. She had a short ponytail tied, she was just a normal little girl. T-shirt and jeans, her eyes we’re black too.

“What’s sad?”

“The poor thing was just like any other one.”

“And what do you mean by One?”

“Pokemon,” she said “That Umbreon had to suffer the same thing and had the guts to actually stay with me.”

“Shadow.”

She was extremely silent after I said Shadow’s name, then she gave me an evil grin.

“Why did you kill Shadow?” I asked in a very solemn voice

She didn’t reply. It was very clear on her that she had something in mind. If she won’t tell I’ll just have to use the hard way, I’ll force it out of her.

I closed my eyes, cleared my mind, and tried my best to search through her thoughts.

“Don’t even try.” the little girl said, she wasn’t very worried, but I felt fear growing inside of her

“Glowing people never scare me.” She tried to sound strong to me, but I knew she had some amount of fear inside her.

“I’m afraid of myself, why should I be afraid of a psychic?” She continued on talking, her plan wasn’t going to work. She didn’t scare me

“You’re weak compared to my powers…You forgot one thing,”

Focus Sailaira, focus…

“I’m cursed.”

I kept on forcing myself to continue what I was doing

“Psychic Echos don’t scare me too.”

“Of course they don’t…But you also forgot one thing too...”

She was trying to hide her fear, she didn’t really make much progress

“What goes around comes around, you kill someone…”

She finally gave up and showed her fear, I knew she was even more terrified now

“You get killed too…”


Hope you like it, and PLEASE review!

~Timid Kyogre
 
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Final Flash

I've still got it.
The first chapter I did not like very much and thought it was boring. But the second chapter makes me change my mind sort of. Keep up thr good work!
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Seeing you reviewed my work, here to review yours as well. I read both chapters, and I realised that there was a lot of dialogue, especially in the second chapter. What I did not like about the dialogue, like when Sailaira was yelling after the kidnapping, is that it is pretty formulaic and does not reflect real life at times. Also, if her sister was only two days old, surely there was a good chance that her body could not withstand a kidnapping? Why not make the sister older?

As for the second chapter, I can tell that you are trying to inject some storyline meat into your fic, and possibly some foreshadowing about the curse as well. I guess we will just have to wait to see what you have in mind then. Do keep my words in mind, and see you next chapter.
 

Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
Extreme Rayquaza: Thanks for your review! I know the first chapter wasn't that interesting. I'm working on the third chapter right now but having a few problems with it. It'll be up very soon

Mindripper:
Also, if her sister was only two days old, surely there was a good chance that her body could not withstand a kidnapping? Why not make the sister older?
Like I said before, the sisters except for Anahita have magical abilities. I know that but Jenjer has an ability. I wont tell exactly what but her ability depends on defense :)

As for the second chapter, I can tell that you are trying to inject some storyline meat into your fic, and possibly some foreshadowing about the curse as well. I guess we will just have to wait to see what you have in mind then. Do keep my words in mind, and see you next chapter.
Believe me I have far more better stuff for the next chapters, these chapters were not the best thing I could do. That's why I may take some time in writing the third chapter.

Thanks!

Don't be hasty, the third chapter may be posted late, I'm very sick. I'll try my best to post it soon :)

~Timid Kyogre
 
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Ex_Mightyena

Mightyena Master
“She had her own problems. Well, I never new why exactly. I’m here to find out.” Umbreon shot a mean look at Kirlia.

spelling error there (knew) *no offense*

that was good to,I like the fact that there is a dark character,darkness is always my favourite!

cant wait for chapter 3!get well soon!
 

Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
Thanks! The third chapters ALMOST done :D

Oops...*edits post*

Thanks again!

Edit: Oopsie...One problem with Chapter Three so it might come a bit late, sorry...hehehe...

~Timid Kyogre
 
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Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
Well...FINALLY...Here's Chapter Three!

Please don't forget that I'm a bit busy these days so Chapter Four MIGHT be delayed if I don't...*Stares at 10+ PMs in Inbox* Finish replying to the PMs ^_^

The Forgotten Enchantment

Chapter Three

They are so disgusting. Their laughs are so gross. They snort in their laughs so they make me laugh. I have to admit, they are good in annoying people, especially me, their little sister. Why don’t they annoy each other you ask?

Because I’m the only one with blue hair.

I, Anahita Firespeller, am a proud talentless freak with blue hair. Have I mentioned that they call me Blue instead of Anahita?

In this house, everything you are proud of turns into everything you are ashamed of. There are five of us, including me. Benji, Bob, Brian, and Ben are my new “brothers” who happen to scare me every time I see them.

Brian, the oldest of all the brothers and the master of them all, is supposed to be a mature twenty year old but sadly ended up in being an immature twenty year old because of his lack of intelligence. He is very, very fat.

Benji happens to be the king of all idiots, he always looks so sleepy and is a bit chubby. He is a copy of all of his brothers, red hair and green eyes. The whole family looks like that except for our mother. He is eighteen years old and has a part time job. Thank god.

Ben, the eleven year old, is the one who “invented” the nickname 'Blue' for me, as he likes to say it. He is a nerd with red braces, which look like blood in his mouth. Whoever put the braces in for him must be an idiot, because they are badly arranged. He is extremely thin since he rarely eats any sweets and is usually busy with his “inventions”.

Bob, the youngest of them all, is six. He, unfortunately, walked down the same path his brothers went to, the path of the miserable and the hopeless. He can be a bit hyper though and loves to eat candy, nothing else, but surprisingly he’s not fat.

Our parents are usually busy at work, so the four of them have more than a million chances to annoy me every day. I try to ignore them, but it doesn’t work. I reply to them, but it doesn’t work. Nothing works on them, they are demons from hell!

And the one huge problem I can’t deal with is their passion for fire Pokemon. It reminds me so much of Amber. If she was here right now she would annoy them right away. And they are forcing me to evolve my Eevee to anything but a Vaporeon. See how life is cruel?

“Anahita! It’s Friday, you know what that means dear!” My new mother, Louise, is just plain annoying. I can’t believe she’s even a mom. If you get annoyed by the four boys, then listen to her voice straight after that and you will know where they got that attitude from right away.

She slowly went down the stairs, her Hazel eyes glowing from the makeup she put on. She should dye her blonde hair to dark brown, that way she will look better. She is just a little bit taller than me so when I am twelve I’ll be taller than her. She is extremely thin, and her eyes are undescribable…They are scary and even more scary when she puts makeup on. If she leaves her face alone she will look better than with make up smeared everywhere. I have to admit she is kind of pretty for a mother who gave birth to FOUR kids. Well, except for her eyes.

“Yes I know its Friday Benji and I will battle blah blah blah.” I replied to her after a few minutes. I don’t think she heard me though.

I am only ten and they expect me to battle an eighteen year old.

I went to my room. It's blue and give's this amazing ocean effect. I collect seashells everytime we go to the beach. It’s a bit far from Sootopolis City but we don’t care. I drew a few pictures of Water Pokemon and some of them are on the walls. My favorite one is the Milotic picture I drew a few months ago. I spent almost the whole winter drawing it.

I took Eevee’s Pokeball from under my pillow and went to the yard, ready to battle. Louise told me I will battle Benji today, who happens to stink at Pokemon Battling. Their father, Graham, was right outside in the yard making sure everything is ready. He is extremely tall and looks exactly the same like the boys. None of them look like their mother, they just got their personalitie's from her.

“Ready to lose, Blue?” Benji said in his freaky way. He makes you sleepy by just looking at him

“Anahita,” I corrected “And yes, I’m sure you’re ready to lose.” I gave him the look that always scares him, for some reason. I just raise my eyebrow. It scares him, strangely enough.

Everyone was sitting at chairs, excited about the battle. The youngest one, Bob, held a black poster that said: “Go Benji!” written in red, which obviously looked like Ben’s handwiritng. Of course that “Go Benji!” thing was predictable, since the poor little guy is exactly like his brothers, though he could be the cutest thing on earth.

I was wearing a black jacket and a blue T-shirt under it with black pants. They said before that every time someone wears black it means that they’re depressed. I really don’t believe them, but just to show them that my life with them is miserable and sad I usually wear black. I swear to god as soon as I get out of this haunted house I will never wear black again.

“Let the battle…Begin!” Louise yelled with excitement, the lady was nice but a bit annoying. She wanted me to win since this was my first match in their Friday Battles.

“Go Quilava!” Benji released his Quilava at start…Oh great, what an idiot.

I held my Pokeball tight with my hands hoping that this time Eevee will be able to launch a few critical hits. I knew I didn’t have the same magical powers that my sisters have, which means that I can’t give a boost to my Pokemon’s ability using my powers but I knew that I will be able to win this match. Suddenly I had second thoughts. What if I make myself out as a huge jerk in front of them? What if Eevee didn’t do good this time? I was officially chickening out, frozen like a statue.

“Anahita! Don’t be such a Slowpoke!” Ben screamed at me, revealing a mouthful of unorganized braces.

“Go Eevee!” I knew it was going to be hopeless, I was battling a Quilava for god’s sake!

“Quilava! Use-"

“Eevee Use Quick-"

“Hey! I was first!”

“Attack!” I ignored what Benji what said and continued what I was about to say before I was rudely interrupted. What kind of idiot would say was first' in a pokemon battle?

Eevee ran as fast as it could to attack Quilava, hitting its head as strong as it could. Quilava suddenly became cross-eyed. It was obvious that Quilava was dizzy.

“Eevee, take a chance and use Double Team!” I changed the tone of my voice so Eevee would notice how much I want to win this battle. Eevee noticed it quickly and used Double Team, surrounding Quilava with copies of itself. I know it will be easy to figure out which was the real Eevee at the speed of light but because of Benji’s mental problem…He’ll probably won't.

“Quilava, use Flamethrower!” Flames started coming out of Quilava’s mouth, shooting at the wrong position. The flames looked powerful. I felt afraid. For one second I thought I was going to lose. But the burning red flames weren’t shot even close to Eevee. It passed on top of everyone. It barely missed Louise’s flower garden, and went straight to the huge tree.

Oh no, the tree!

As soon as Quilava’s attack hit the tree, the yard was consumed in flames of rage and the entire house was caught in the inferno.


Yes I know, short. But this was just to show how Anahita was doing so it had to be short.

Hope you like it, REVIEW!! :D

~Timid Kyogre
 
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The Mighty Wurmple

Well-Known Member
Why does everyone always stop at the good parts...;_;
Its awesome so far like the others. Anahitar must be a good drawer, the excact opposite to me.
 

Ex_Mightyena

Mightyena Master
wow your right the story is getting better,your like the show lost,they focus on one person only on every episode and they always end at the best bit!

spelling error:Benji happens to be the king of all idiots, he always looks so sleepy and is a bit chubby. He is a copy of all of his brothers, red hair and green eyes. The whole afmily looks like that except for our mother. He is eighteen years old and has a part time job. Thank god.
not trying to sound harsh but,if you dont want me to check your spelling say so.

im not a good drawer either,i suck at it.
 

Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
Thanks for your reply! :D

No no no its okay with me! Always point out spelling mistakes

There are much more interesting parts than this one, this is just the begining ^_^

~Timid Kyogre
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Yeah, I agree that you stopped at an inopportune time. I was starting to wonder what would happen in the latter stages of the duel, and wondering what would happen when they hit the tree with the flamethrower. Anyway, why did they battle in a place where there are so many viable targets? Just like we do not play football in our homes unless we are pretty much unconcerned if we break something.

I liked what you wrote about Anahita's family. It sounds like what I would be muttering to myself on a bad day and when everyone seems to cross me. I realise that what you wrote is probably best left unheard, especially derogatory remarks, but it seemed realistic, and that must be a good thing. You might have elaborated more on why Benji had a lack of intelligence, because it seems to be not just a sarcastic remark, like brothers calling sisters stupid and vice versa, but a real, hard fact.

Perhaps it could have been a little longer. Especially as it was done in first person, meaning you could have told us a little more about your character, her perceptions etc. Let us get to know her a little better, which is a good thing so early into the story, unless an aura of mystery is what you are aiming for.

As for the battle, it was only a few moves long. Why not add an introductory stage, and a few more moves for each pokemon, all taking place before the flamethrower hits the tree?

All in all, it was an ok chapter. You can make it better, though. Focus on the task at hand, and good luck always.
 

Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
It was short because like I said, Benji was an idiot so he used Flamethrower right away. In the next chapter (for Anahita) something is going to be revealed, its simple but its still going to make sense.

As for all of the sisters, someone is going to talk about them in a chapter (The chapter is coming soon) And that's when the real thing is going to start. These chapters are short because they are just to show what are the sisters currently doing.

If you notice everytime a chapter tells about someone it ends with something frightening like the house burning and a little girl who enjoys killing people and Pokemon. All I could say is all of it is sorta connected :)

~Timid Kyogre
 
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