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The Galactic Files

Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by Blaziken10285, Dec 4, 2011.

  1. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    So after long consideration I have decided to create this. My disclaimer: I have never written something like this. This is, in all reality, my take on the League of Heroes/NCTH mk III fic. It is probably mostly a Sequel to Xman's Professor X, since this is when it takes place. As far as ratings go, it should stay either G or PG. New chapters will come up (hopefully) every week with the occasional one that I take off.

    There's now a prequel for this story! Read Maelstrom today!

    Part 1:
    1. A New Lead
    2. Welcome to the Jungle
    3. Regirock and Roll
    4. The Cold Shoulder
    5. Stark, the First Frontier

    Part 2:
    1. The Inside Story
    2. Julius and Juliet
    3. Unhappy Reunion
    4. A Swashbuckling Adventure
    5. Uno
    6. Dos
    7. Tres
    8. Slowking's Day Off

    Part 3:
    1. Back to the Abandoned Area!
    2. Redshirts
    3. Painful Memories
    4. The Battle on the Mount
    5. A Not-So Turnback Cave
    6. The Last Battle, Maybe...

    Epilogue. Goodbye, For Now...

    A New Lead

    Compiled in the headquarters for the Journeymen League, known as the Tower of Ancients, is a room holding secrets from the past only now being revealed. These secrets are files of all of the evil doers the world has seen in contemporary times, including Team Magma and Aqua in their combined efforts to take over the world, to Team Omega’s run at the beginning of the league, to the last one, Team Galactic and their latest projects in the Sinnoh region. Here are the documents from this event, straight from the heroes who saved the day.


    After the Aqua and Magma War six months prior a monument, travelers’ lodge, and ranch popped up on Mt. Chimney. The leader of the project was a trainer by the name of Dave. He and his Pokémon built this where they used to camp out, which is where he met Xander, the Pokémon professor who specializes in Shiny Pokémon and the Fighting Elite Four member. Dave made this to commemorate the heroes of that war as well as a way to help the trainers learn to fend for themselves should a similar crisis take place.

    We join our hero in the Gym Leader battle simulator room, where he battles other trainers who need help preparing for a gym. Basically a trainer school for those who are more experienced.

    “Ok, um, Bobby, is it, you’re training for Lavaridge’s Fire Gym for your first badge. I’ll use this Slugma of mine.” said Dave as he sent out a fire snail.

    “I’ll win this time for sure! I choose you Silcoon!” shouted the rookie trainer Bobby

    “Whoa, whoa, whoa’ if that Silcoon STILL only has harden it’ll never defeat Flannery or her father. Silcoon is a BUG Pokémon who is weak to Slugma, so the only thing you can do is slow down your loss if you can’t downright ATTACK your opponent. Get-“

    “Sir, you have a phone call.” said Philip, Dave’s best helper in keeping the property running.

    “Did you see who it is?”

    “No, I came as soon as I put the call on hold for-“

    Philip didn’t even get to finish as the trainer of medium height sprinted to his research room, where he answered the call.

    “Well it’s been a while.” Dave said as he began talking to his friend Xander.

    “I just got a lead. If you’re interested in helping me out and being my assistant for a while, them come out to the island north-east of Sinnoh. I’ll meet you there.” Xander explained.

    “IF? That’s like asking if I’ll be taking Speedy or a Wurmple I catch from the Petalburg Forest. Of course I’ll be there. Give me a few days to settle everything.”

    The next few days for Dave flew by. He taught Tor, his first Pokemon, who’s now a Blaziken, to use the transfer machine should something come up. He also asked Flannery of the closest gym to watch over his Pokemon in case Tor couldn’t handle it. The trainer then left for Sinnoh.

    “Will you be leaving for an adventure, Sir? What about little Bobby?” asked Philip

    “Tell him to get a better Pokémon and we’ll talk, and how many times have I told you NOT to call be sir?”

    “Nine, and I’ll go do that now si- Dave.”

    Two days later Dave landed on the island with Evergrande City and hopped on a boat to the Battle Zone in Sinnoh in the East.

    -Fight Area, Sinnoh-

    Ok, so I’m finally here, now where’s Xander? Dave thought as he got off of the boat. There was an air of dread over the town and the population was about a quarter of the typical one. You always know something is bad when even the Battle Frontier is closed. Locked. Then he looked to the sky. It was dark but it was still day but it wasn’t nighttime dark, but smoky/ashy dark. It was coming from Stark Mountain.

    “If you’re looking for a man on a green Salamence, he went in the direction of the Survival Area.” said a man in a trench coat and hat.

    “Umm, who are you and how did you-“ Dave asked.

    “Just go! There isn’t much time. Also, don’t fly, no matter what.” said the mystery man as he pushed Dave in the way as he also leapt across the fence into the water, only the reemerge skimming across the water on a jet ski.

    Too weird. It’s gonna be one of those crazy days. Though not even Dave could understand what was to come.

    -Route 225-

    As Dave went north on route 225, he saw more and more people going back to town. By the looks on their faces something really strange must have happened. That’s when he saw the statue. Not just any statue, but one of Registeel, if the metal pokemon was 12 feet tall, easily blocking the road. The statue was taller than any Registeel Dave had ever seen, easily towering above anything in sight.

    Well that’s not cool. Halfway to the Survival Area and this happens. Ok, so I can’t fly, or so says a mystery guy, but they’re usually fairly reliable. Looks like it’s time to knock Registeel down.

    “Speedy and Hydra, help me out” Dave exclaimed as he held his Pokeballs to call them out instead of throwing them. A Blaziken and Hydreigon answered the call. “Speedy, use Hi Jump Kick and Flare Blitz and Hydra use Dragon Pulse and Flamethrower. Let’s knock down a statue.” After a relatively long time, both Pokemon became worn out; this left Dave out of options.

    So if this statue won’t go down, I guess it’s time to fly, no matter what that random mind reader said.

    “Cuddles, let’s take to the sky!”

    -The Sky-

    Silly mystery dude, I’ll get there in no time at this rate! Dave thought as Cuddles his Togekiss flew him through the air. Then the ashy clouds came around them. As the trainer went, he lost track of all direction. Soon, too, came the fiery chunks of rock and magma. Eventually, the magma chunks hit Cuddles so hard they started falling from the sky, Cuddles fell to one side of the island and Dave to the other in the pelting sooty debris.

    He then blacked out.

    ~Meanwhile on other parts of that same island~

    -Survival Area-

    Xander kept waiting patiently and Dave never showed up. Day after day, there was no sign of his temporary assistant. Soon I’ll just have to go on. I’m afraid time’s running out.


    The mystery cloaked man kept peering out into the sky, just waiting to see his advice disregarded by the younger trainer. Maybe this time it’ll teach him to obey. It usually only takes one time to plummet to the Earth to begin listening.
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2012
  2. Xman96

    Xman96 Fighting Leader

    This looks like it will be fun. I will be commenting as I go.

    The line "do badders" just doesn't feel right. I would exchange the wording with "evil doers".

    The story itself seems interesting though, I do have one complaint, and that is lack of atmosphere. You see, you need to add more description, don't just tell us, show us. If the battle frontier is deserted, tell us that the building look a little run down, that there's paper blowing all around the streets, that sort of thing.

    Other than that though this looks like the beginning to a solid fic. Keep at it!
  3. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Thanks! I'll definitely add more description. I hope it'll just get better as I get more experienced with this, since at the moment I'm a fairly novice writer.
  4. Glover

    Glover Pain in Rocket side

    Hope you don't mind, I;m gonna make an official review of this.

    First off, and this will probably cre itself once you get the charavcters together, but your scenes are too short to be making just drastic locale changes like that, I'm getting kinda jetlagged. For example:

    This scene in and of itself could be lengthened just with the inclusion of who Dave is. Obviously, he's a gym leader of some kind, but just by telling us if he already has a travel bag together or whether or not he has to rip his house apart trying to find everything gives us an insight into his character. Is it a house, or a lab? He's closest to Flannery, so he's in Hoenn, closer to Fallarbor? How's he gettinmg to Sinnoh? that helsp establish your map. In my world, the map I'm using, Sinnoh is North of Orre and Northwest of Unova, sorta where the Netherlands are in real life.(because of course, Snowpoint city is covered in snow...) If he's flying, or taking a boat though, that makes a difference.

    There's a voice in my head nagging just a bit, that we don't have a good transistion out of the current NCTH fic in Hoenn, and into this one. Continuity is a wonderful thing. If you need to, I can try to give you a hint as to where my fic ends, and I highly encourage reading the last few chapters in FeralNinja's Heroes Path fic, as it does a nice job of leading the Hoenn arc to closure if you haven't already. In fact, mine follows about the same time as his, so if you land your intro after that, you'll be clear of me)

    Also, you and I need to have words with the fate of Flannery...

    Actually, I got that second part already. It's that Show don't tell thing. In this case, a simple


    would suffice, looking like:

    You've got a double scene change there, you can do without the -Survival Area- and it'll be much smoother.

    You've got too many modifying adjectives, it doesn't flow right when I read it. Consider something like:

    Also, I doubt the Togekiss would be taking this lying down, so you have room there for a Togekiss to try to vainly _______ Beam the rocky missiles.

    Hopefully, I'm not being too critical, and that it doesn't come across harshly. And don't be afraid to re-write the front chapters, others just coming intot he story will appreciate it.

    I think I'm interpreting this wrong, but it sounds an awful lot like Xander's sitting on his caboose twiddling his thumbs for several days. If he left the dock, then either he couldn't wait long enough, or he thought Dave was fairly close. Either way, sitting on his hands doesn;t really fit his scene or his character as I understand Xander...
  5. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Yeah, I should rewrite this. Thanks for the review anyway, and if you are putting the new fic after Hero's Path in Hoenn, I'll be on top of Mt. Chimney, as I am in Pokemon Professor X.
    I'll probably add in a bio post maybe tonight or tomorrow, maybe that'll help get the characters come together.
    And I'm just going by the PokeEarth thing that Serebii has
  6. Nox_Invictus

    Nox_Invictus Frozen Cold

    I like it so far, and completely agree with the revisions, though it's good by itself.
  7. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    I'll get to the revisions hopefully soon, but in the mean-time, chapter two! I think it's a bit longer than the first. Enjoy!

    Welcome to the Jungle


    -The Abandoned Area-

    “Do ya think he’ll be ok Mr. Sage? Do you think he’ll ever wake up? What if he just keeps breathing but never becomes conscious again? Is that even possible?”Asked a quite annoying, inquisitive voice right above the unconscious Dave.

    “Shut up Ralph. This young man will wake up when he is needed, no matter when the time is. I have done all that I can, though, so the rest is out of even Blissey’s control.” said a wiser, older sounding voice. Obviously from someone that is experienced in nearly everything, especially old age.

    “UUUURRRRGGGGGHHHH. Cuddles, CUDDLES. Don’t fall. DON”T FALL!” Dave exclaimed as he jumped in his bed, waking him up instantly. “Uhhhh. Where, where am I? Is this what Heaven looks like?”

    “Hi stranger. I’m Ralph. This is Sage Stewey. Did you know that you fell from the sky? Yup, the sky. It’s up there.” This was said by a trainer much taller than the short Dave. He was older looking, but by his body language he showed to be younger, maybe around thirteen. Something about him just gave Dave a chill.

    “Ralph you dunce. He asked where he was. You nearly told him EVERY other thing except that. I am so sorry about my grandson. He can sometimes want to know too much. Anywho, welcome to the Abandoned Area. It was named like that after the Time of Trials. We were taken off of the map and given a new name, mostly as a death wish for the town.” Said Stewey as he pointed to a window where there was a vantage point of the rest of the town. It was a very dull, as all of the house/huts were grey, maybe from the falling ash. Nobody seemed to stir from their homes except when absolutely necessary. Even when someone did walk outside, they looked more like ghosts than actual humans. Then the sage broke the silence. “So who are you stranger?”

    The trainer than replied, still shaken, “D-Dave, Mr. Sage Stewey sir. I also have a question. Does anyone know how I am still alive? The last thing I remember is falling from the sky.”

    “A Sigilyph actually put you down on the ground, right on top of me.” Ralph stated, “Then this guy in a trench coat came and returned the Sigilyph to its Pokeball. After that the guy just looked at me and walked into the forest. Isn’t that weird? Is that a friend of yours?”

    “Umm, I don’t really know him. All I remember is that if I took his suggestion and didn’t fly I wouldn’t be here. I don’t know if I would have gotten to my friend by now or not though. Oh, speaking of that, I must be going.” Dave said as he began getting up, becoming instantly light-headed and fell to the floor, which was actually just the dirty ground.

    “You must rest. You went through something extremely traumatic and will need to take it easy for a few more days.” said the sage.

    “But I don’t HAVE a few days. I was supposed to meet Xander a whole day ago according to my C-Gear watch.”

    “Then just call him or use your C-something to communicate with him. Ignorant youth and their lack of common sense, at this rate we all ARE going to die in a fiery inferno of death.”

    Kricketune from the forest began chirping as the two younger trainers grasped what the elder had just said.

    “Did you not SEE the volcano? It will soon erupt if the Heatran who calls it home is not quieted, and then we will ALL die. I say we have about four days until it gets to the eruption part.” Stewey said quite frankly as the two younger trainers were still in a state of shock.

    “Yeah, I’ll call him now.”

    “Hello, Dave? Finally! Where are you? Are you EVER going to show up?” Xander asked, obviously angered by a lack of communication.

    “Yeah, I’m on the island, in a town called the Abandoned Area. Did you know the volcano is probably going to erupt soon?”

    “I have no idea where that is but yeah, I give it four more days until something really bad happens.”

    “I told you so.” the sage said, asserting his time.

    “What was-“

    “Nothing. Just the local town elder is being a know-it-all.” Dave said, and then shot a look at Stewey, wanting him to be quiet.

    “Hey, I really need to conduct my research now, so are you in or not?”

    “Go on and I’ll find a way through the forest to Stark Mountain and meet you there. Besides, how hard could it be?”

    And like in ever story, those words jinx the entire mission.

    -The Jungle-

    The interior of the jungle is nothing like the part mainly traveled. One, there’s no path, and two, every single tree looks the same.

    “Hey thanks for letting me tag along.” Ralph said as he and Dave walked through the forest. Ralph in front, seemingly knowing where to go.

    I didn’t really have a choice. Stewey nearly forced him on me.

    “Yeah, it’s fine. Hey, I have a, um, special job for someone like you. You see, Cuddles, my Togekiss, was the Pokemon I was on when I fell from the sky and I don’t know where it went. I know it crash-landed somewhere to the south-east, but I don’t know where beyond that. Could you, perhaps, go, find, and bring it back to me?”

    “But I won’t be here to protect you. What if you get lost? I could never forgive myself if you got lot and the world, or at least this island got destroyed.”

    “Awwwww Ralph, don’t worry so much. Just look at it this way, you’ll be helping me in many ways by just going and finding Cuddles.”

    “Oh alright, I’ll go, but give me its Pokeball. I’ll give you this if you get lost.” Ralph said as he pulled out an ancient looking Pokeball that had the letters “She has a fiery spirit, but she sure knows the woods better than anyone. Use her if you get lost.”

    So the duo parted ways. One headed north-east and the other south-east. Ralph, expertly trained and all-knowing in the forest landscape, he easily found himself out, but his adventures are for later. Dave on the other hand got lost in the endless expanse that is the Stark Forest.


    -Route 226-

    Xander found himself trekking harsh landscapes as he moved in closer Stark Mountain, which was already seemingly at the boiling point, literally. Rather than the jungle landscape usually seen, it was more of a barren, bleak, rugged mountain of intense temperatures.

    -Route 230-

    Well that’s odd. Never heard of any of the water around here freezing, especially since this is part of the ocean. Wait, this can’t be good. Thought the mystery trench-coat man as he looked at his path to the Resort Area blocked be a half-submerged statue of Regice, well, submerged if the water hadn’t frozen.
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2011
  8. Glover

    Glover Pain in Rocket side

    Yeah! More story, I love it!

    Anywho thanks for staying nailed to laregly one location, makes for a very nice chapter.

    Ah, I see what you want to do here, you're going for the classic "cricket's chirp" dead silenc. Always funny, however this sentence really wants to be literal, and capturing that effect doesn't work quite as well when told than when seen/heard. You might try simethign like;

    "Dave stared at them blankly, filling theroom with a sudden and unwarranted sound of Kricetune chirps."

    And at that, I really don't like the phrasing in my example, either. Play with it, see what you come up with.

    Two things, one there's a spelling error, and two, this is rather blatent for storytelling. I prefer things like

    "He didn't really want to know..."

    It's more wicked and forboding.

    There's a P(oint)O(f)V(iew) shift there that;s rather painful, we go from Dave(Mainchar) to Dave(Storyteller), then back to Dave(Mainchar) again.

    "Had the letters" implies a short phrase, or well, letters. Try "Was marked with or had the phrase inscribed. On the other hand, why would Ralph becarrying a Pokeball/Apriball (since you mention ancient) with that written on it. I think you'd get a funnier line if it was marked "In case of Emergency, Press button"

    "Seemingly" and "literally" contradict each other, I'd eliminate one. Probably Seemingly, although that Mountain's got fpur more days to get a whole lot worse, so it might be better to ditch the other one.

    Thoughts should be capitalized. I think you just left this one behind though. Also, half-submerged is perfectly useable for ice-water.

    And finally:

    I;m getting a sensation these "statues" aren't that at all, their "plants" (not the grass term or the factory) from Regigigas/whomever controls the Regis and are either protecting themselves (why the townsfilk were running from Steel, and the ice is covering the Ice)
    I look forward to see if I'm even close to right...
  9. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Oops, a few times I forgot to italicize the thoughts :/, and you'll begin seeing the statue's main reason maybe in the next few chapters. Good theory, but not completely correct.

    In other words, the main quest will fully be explained in the next chapter, as Xander will get the spotlight!
  10. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Regirock and Roll

    Welcome back. I hope you have been enjoying the story so far. This next chapter will break off from the last few, as it will focus primarily on Xander. By the way, I love getting to name the chapters. :D

    Chapter 3:

    Regirock and Roll


    -The Survival Area-

    “Yeah, just go on. I’m in the jungle. I’ll meet you somewhere in the middle, when I find out a way to find my way. Anyway, can you tell me why you need my help? I understand that the volcano is going to erupt, but how does that have anything to do with Pokémon with hidden abilities?” Asked Dave from the other end of the Xcommunicator, who was really not seeing to point to this expedition.

    “You see, after leaving Hoenn I went to research the origins of this phenomena. It brought me to the understanding of some form changes of Pokémon, mainly Giratina and Shaymin. When they change form, the abilities do too. I then looked at the time in which these Pokémon were first seen to be able to change forms, and it perfectly corresponded with when Team Galactic’s leader Cyrus opened the portal to the Distortion World. My plan originally had two parts, but when the volcano began acting abnormally I decided this was the best place to start. Then after we find what’s wrong here we go south to the Seabreak Path and research the Shaymin that is reported to live there. Finally we’ll split up, one of us going to Turnback Cave and one to Mt. Coronet to research the guardian of the Distortion World, Giratina. Any questions?” explained Xander.

    “Yeah, do you know anything about the statue of Registeel on Route 225?”

    “What statue? If there’s one now then it just got there, since I didn’t see anything.”

    “Hmmm,” said Dave, deep in thought, “just keep an eye out just in case.”

    “Ok, will do. Hey, I need to go gather my things if I’m going to meet you halfway.” Xander said, looking forward to finally leaving the dreary Survival Area.

    “Ok, bye”

    After collecting his team Xander headed to Routes 226 and 227, which lead up to Stark Mountain. A three day travel on foot, but much quicker on his shiny green Salamence. As when Dave was traveling in the air, the entire sky was bleak and grey, with meteors of ash falling from above. Salamence attempted everything to stay aloft to get to the volcano, but eventually it just got too extreme.

    “Hey, let’s just go down. I’ll walk from here” said Xander to the dragon.

    “Sal, mence” (Are you sure? I can manage. I’m a big strong dragon if you haven’t realized.)

    "Yeah, yeah, just let me down before you end up like Cuddles."

    When Xander landed, he realized he was between two narrow cliffs, with a Regirock statue, blocking the path up ahead. Also, on top cliffs were people. They looked oddly familiar from an earlier time in Sinnoh. The blue colored bowl-shaped hair style, the black and grey uniforms, all followed by an old hunch-backed guy, who looked to be studying the statue. They were Team Galactic, who was supposed to have been dissolved years ago with Charon leading them.

    Why is it that no teams stay dissolved? This better not be as bad as The Magma and Aqua War a few months ago.

    "Hey look, there's a kid. Go Ninetales and Venusaur!" said a Grunt. Right when the Ninetales was called out, it got extremely sunny and the Venusaur became super fast. Then a few other Grunts sent out Pokemon, who benefitted by the extreme sunny weather created by the Ninetales.

    "How, how did you get Pokémon with hidden abilities!?" Xander exclaimed. "Well it looks like it's battle time. Come on out everyone!" The trainer then sent out his six Pokemon: Heatran, Salamence, Latias, Scolipede, Rotom, and Heracross.

    After battling for a while, it showed how helplessly outnumbered Xander was. All of the grunts had six Pokemon, and there were twelve of them, not including Charon, who was still hard at work examining the statue. His Pokémon were tired only halfway through the battle, and it got worse the grunts then shouted an ultimatum in unison. Hyper Beam. The attack was closing in as Xander learned how lucky he was.

    "Speedy, use Protect! Nightmare, use Psychic on the grunts." yelled a voice from the cliff opposite of the grunts. A Blaziken then moved in to protect Xander's team almost, it seemed, at the speed of light. An Espeon then roared and unleashed a wave of psychic energy, knocking down the opponents. On top of a shiny Rapidash was Dave, who found his way out of the jungle thanks to Ralph's horse. The rest of the battle was relatively simple to Xander since he had an ally. The grunts then fled in the direction of the Resort Area. Charon seemed to have left even before his underling did.

    "That was good timing, but we don’t have much longer. Are you ready to climb Stark Mountain?"

    "Yeah, I'm ready if you are. So I guess you see what I was talking about by statue."

    "Yup. An odd thing. Bigger than any Regirock I've ever seen, so it can’t be real. I guess the answer may unravel as we dive deeper into our quest."

    So Team Galactic is back and has super-powered Pokemon with the hidden abilities, Stark Mountain has about a day left, and there are weird Regi statues around the island. Who knows where Regice's is or if there is a Regigigas one too. How can this mission get any more complicated? Xander thought as he and Dave began their trek further up the mountainside, ready for whatever obstacle lay up ahead.
  11. Glover

    Glover Pain in Rocket side

    Gonna be honest, but right now, those super-powered Pokemon don't stand out right now, and that's the big climax of this chapter. It's down to the show, don't tell; Show us that Veusaur is fast by having it move.

    For that matter, I think you are just better off writing yourself a whole entire battle scene.

    This is more a reader thing, but knowing little of the direction of the story is going, but we know it involves a Heatran. So, havign a Heatran on the Heroe's lineup suddenly squashes the magic and mystery of the storyline. Unless he's supposed to do soemthing specific, I would strongly suggest writing him out.

    Alright, this is a phone conversation. Normal fic standrds, though I'm not sure what the traditional way to di it is, should distinguish the person our point of view is with, and the person on the other end fo the transmission. I do it with italics, the proper quoptation, and a hyphen at the front, but as I said, don;t know what the accepted way to do it is.
  12. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Alright, I guess it wasn't as well written as I hoped, but I wanted to meet my deadline. I let Xman choose his team and these are the Pokemon he chose, so I'm going to write in why he has it when I do some rewriting over the holiday break from school or maybe when we get back to Dave and Xander, as the next couple of chapters will revolve around you and Ralph and what Galactic is doing.
  13. Glover

    Glover Pain in Rocket side

    Don't worry about the deadlien. If you can;t mee the deadline, we aren;'t gonna run you up the flagpole. Just let us know, we'll wait. We might rub ya for it, but only cause we care.
  14. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Yeah, luckily I have started revisions on all chapters, so hopefully by next weekend they'll all sound better.
  15. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Ok, Chapter 1 is new and improved! You will benefit from reading the new part, as it will come up later. I'll get to Chapter 2 soon. Oh, and #4 is nearly done, so expect it on Saturday!
  16. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    This was originally going to be two separate chapters, but I ended up thinking it made more sense as one super chapter. This will feature the NCTH's own Electric Leader Glover.

    Chapter 4: The Cold Shoulder

    ~The Trench coat Man~

    -Route 230-

    Ah, the Braviary is back. The mystery man thought while on a small rock in the middle of a frozen body of water. A Braviery, a messenger for the Journeymen, circled above, descending to approximately where the man was. This bird had been relaying messages to the man for a while, which is what convinced him to go to Sinnoh. The man in the trench coat grabbed a letter as the bird got down to his level. The man then opened the letter and read it.

    I have looked into your report of the Battle Zone. I’m still not sure about what the “statues” may mean, but it seems as if an enraged Heatran is making Stark Mountain erupt, but there is another pressing issue in the Battle Zone. They call themselves PETP, or the People for the Ethnic Treatment of Pokémon. You can find them in masses at the Resort Area, and more specifically their headquarters, the Ribbon Syndicate. They are not to be underestimated, though they are the only branch of Team Galactic still standing. Not even Lucas or Dawn could dissolve them, and that was when they were weak. They are now as strong as if Galactic, Plasma, and Rocket combined when each was at its strongest. In other words, this is a bad situation, so I would like you to temporarily stop them to aid in Xander’s mission.

    Thank you for your help so far, Raj.

    The man by the name of Glover knew what he had to do, but there was one problem: a giant Regice statue blocking to road to the Resort Area. Not knowing any other routes that could get him there quickly, he seemed to be out of luck. Then came a voice.

    "Get out-a-the way-aaaaaaahhhhhhh!" screamed a boy sliding out of control on the ice, only stopping when he hit face-first on the rock Glover was perched on. The boy of early teens had short blue hair and a face that gave Glover a déjà vu feeling of more than one places. Not sure what gave him the feeling, the older man decided to help the boy.

    "Are you ok?" Glover asked as the boy got up"

    "It, it's you! The trench-coat man! You dropped Dave on me just a day ago! My name is, um, Ralph. Who are you? Why are you following my friend? Are you part of the International Police like Seer? Wait it's Looker. Oh, you must be a Psychic since you knew everywhere Dave was! No that's stupid. You MUST be Morimoto the Game Designer from Unova! Or are-"

    "WHOA, whoa, whoa!" Glover said, cutting Ralph off, "My name is Glover. I hail from Orre, a desert region west of Johto. I am a Professor and the Protector of Orre. I-"

    "That's SO cool! I've never been out of this region. So what even brought you to the Battle Zone? I've come to look for Cuddles, Dave's Togekiss who fell from the sky. He said it fell towards the Resort Area. That must be why you're here too! Let's go together!" Ralph said, barely pausing to take a breath.

    "I was actually about to leave but then I was assigned to slow the PETP's development for Dave and Professor Xander to not have to interfere. There is one thing that is interfering us going to the Resort Area: the one way I know is blocked by the Regice statue and Gizmo, my Ditto is tired, so we have no way."

    "Pfft, I know a way. I'll take you, but do you have anything that can track Cuddles? I have its Pokeball if that could help." Ralph stated as he pulled a Pokeball.

    "Oh, if trackers are needed, please say hello to Sunbeam and Moonlight." Glover said as an Espeon and Umbreon emerged from their Pokeballs.

    After searching for quite a while the due found themselves back to their starting point. The two felines kept going between the rock and the Regice, obviously picking something up at the Resort Area. After doing this same thing a couple more times, Ralph decides to take Glover to the Resort Area, saddened they hadn’t found anything about Cuddles. Just as they got to the Resort Area, the duo saw a flier, stating Cuddles was in the hands of the PETP, who would be collecting a reward for “saving the poor helpless creature should its trainer come for it.” Glover knew, though, that if they did not have the money to pay the PETP’s insane demands, then they would sue. They then went to the Ribbon Syndicate. Around the building were all kind of trainers crying because they did not have the allotted number of ribbons to be allowed in. As they closed on the door, Glover became skeptical, since none of his Pokémon would have enough ribbons. It would have to come down to Ralph.

    “Let me see ten ribbons each.” said a tall lady, who seemed to have a heart of stone. “Well, don’t just stand there. Let me see the ribbons.”

    “I, um, don’t have any.” mumbled the older trainer. “Ralph, do you?”

    “What, ribbons? Let me show you my Roserade and you see for yourself!” Ralph said as he pulled a Friend Ball, tossed it, and the Bouquet Pokémon Roserade appeared in a flash of white light. The Pokémon held a box, which was full of ribbons of all colors, shapes, sizes, everything. In all there were thirty-eight. As the two older trainers looked bewildered how a young boy had so many, all Ralph said was that he got bored around the Abandoned Area on day.

    Since it was becoming dark, Glover and Ralph decided to go back to the syndicate the next day and crashed in the villa hotel for the night. As they both settled in their own rooms, the volcano roared furiously. Right after a great screech came from the island.

    -The Next Day-

    Glover and Ralph met in the lobby of the hotel and learned what the screech exactly was. The Regi statues all across the island had come to life. The Regice was roaming around the perimeter of the Resort Area, making five yard high walls of ice. The wild Pokémon of the Resort Area’s lake were also out of control, so the two trainers went to stop them.

    “Moto, Magnezone, Ferriday, come on out!” Glover yelled as he held out his Pokeball to choose his Rotom, Magnezone, and Galvantula. The Roton quickly found a boat and possessed it and went around chasing the water Pokémon. Magnezone first sent out a current and was saddened when no Magnemite or Magneton flew to him, so he began firing some Zap Cannons and Discharges to quiet the angered wild Pokémon. Ferriday helped too. After finding a tree over the water, the spider set up a web, caught some fish, and began eating.

    Ralph wanted to help to, calling out his Roserade, Walrein, and Skarmory. All of these, Glover realized, could be found somewhere on the Battle Zone island. As he called them out, Roserade went to the bridge and when a fish would jump overhead, the flower would hit it with a Frenzy Plant, the vines wildly swinging around. The walrus at the same time went underwater and began firing cannons of water. At that time too the metallic bird was attracted to Magnezone and released for not being a magnet pokemon too.

    “Hey Ralph, how are Roserade and Walrein using Frenzy Plant and Water Cannon?” asked Glover, just understanding the moves being used.

    “Oh, my Great-Grandfather Sage Stewey taught it to them. Years ago when Team Galactic was strong, he taught the moves to the trainer’s Infernape, Torterra, or Empoleon, but when my dad left he moved to the Abandoned Area and raised me. Somewhere during that time he learned all Pokémon had the potential to learn the moves, but kept it a secret, only teaching his own family’s Pokémon the strong elemental moves. My Rapidash knows Blast Burn, but Dave has it right now. Hopefully it helped him get out of the Jungle. Well it looks like the battle is done. We might as well go to the Ribbon Syndicate now.”

    The two trainers then left the battle site, with many water types on the top of the water. The Regice was still hard at work on a wall of some sort and the volcano continued to get even fiercer.

    Well it looks like it’s time to take down the PETP. Glover thought as a smile came to his face, ready for a good battle.

    -The Ribbon Syndicate-

    “Welcome to the Ribbon Syndicate!” said all of the people inside in unison, which freaked out Glover and Ralph.

    “Ok Ralph, let’s look for whoever has Dave’s Togekiss.” The elder trainer said to Ralph. As he said this, a lady appeared. She looked familiar, giving Glover Déjà vu for the second time in two days. She has grey-blue hair, she was of about the age of thirty-five, Glover estimated, and she just looked fierce.

    “YOU!” The woman yelled as she pointed at Glover. “Are you the one who hurt the poor Togekiss?”

    “I, umahh-“ The lady did not give Glover or Ralph time to say anything before she whisked them into a luxurious office. She then sat at the desk. The name inscribed to the name plate was Kira.

    “Who are you two and which one is the owner of this poor Pokémon?”

    “I’m Glover, protector and unofficial professor of the desert region of Orre. I-“

    “I get it, and who are you?”

    “I, I’m, My name is Ralph. I live in the Abandoned Area with my Great-Grandfather Sage Stewey.” Ralph said, and for the first time not having anything else to say.

    “Ah, ha ha ha. How is Granddad? So you’re my nephew. Oh, I haven’t introduced myself. I am Kira, leader of the PETP and the sister of Cyrus. So whose is this?”

    “That, that be, belongs to my friend Dave. He went to solve the mystery of the volcano’s eruption and asked if I could get Cuddles for him.” Ralph explained.

    “Well, you have a few options for getting ‘Cuddles’ back: One, you can join my ranks and keep this Pokémon; two, you can try to escape with your Pokémon, but you’ll have to pass through every guard and trainer here; and three, you can pay my fee or give me your Pokémon to me in court, when I sue you for everything you have. So what will it be boys?” The two trainers did not know what to do. Then Kira offered more. “Let us say you picked the first option. Ralph, if you join I will select the best group for you to join and put your hometown of the Abandoned Area back on the map. Glover, I will put you in charge of our Orre Region group. You will be able to set up your own league and you will be the champion. We will also put Pokémon in the region and make the land hospitable to their required habitats. What do you say? Are you in?” Kira was like a fox, cleverly manipulating their dreams with hers. Glover could, after battling against Snagem, Cipher, and Rocket, he knew better, but Ralph was a different story.

    “Ok, sign me up! Stewey will be SO happy for me! I’ve found part of the family AND I’m gonna put the Abandoned Area back on the map, but I won’t need Cuddles. He belongs to Dave. Hey Glover, take the Pokeball and take Cuddles with you back to Orre or find Dave on your way out.” Ralph said as he handed Glover Dave’s Pokeball. The younger trainer was then taken to a different room by some other grunts.

    “So Glover, what is your answer?” Kira asked.

    “No. I can’t join your group.” Glover said as he returned Cuddles to its Pokeball and started to run for the exit.


    The Regice finished its first duty, making the Resort Area look like a snow globe, with a hole at the very top. Registeel was also faring well, as it took all of the crates in the Fight Area and made it lava-proof as well. Regirock was the last done, blocking all routes lava could take to reach the Survival Area. After they finished they met in the center of the Abandoned Area and left for Stark Mountain.

    Dave and Xander finally reached the volcano, with half a day left before the estimated time for eruption.

    Of course the PETP is modeled after PETA. This is not the last of Ralph too, as for his next appearance I have something special planned. Oh, and don't forget to read the new and improved first chapter, as it will prove helpful not too long in the future. Well we only have one more chapter for this Part and then we'll be going south to look at Shaymin; more on that later. Have a Merry Christmas to everyone out there!
  17. Glover

    Glover Pain in Rocket side

    Alright. *Flexes Fingers* Review time.

    First off, yay me! Second off, you need a comma after Glover, a line break before my name, and I would encourage the use of the Left-Justification (see quote) to offset the letter as being such.

    Also, if its struck out, I'm suggesting it be deleted, and things in bold are things I've added.

    This sentence feels awkward to me once you start mentioning the other teams. In general, if PETP truly is modeled on PETA, then I would suspect they've been around long before Lucas or Dawn, or Red even. This sentence needs to stay in some form though, because you need to introduce us to the PETP. It would also not surprise me greatly if Glover already knew who PETP was, since (and you've confessed you never played Colo or XD ((Shame on you)) so you wouldn't know this) since the Orre region went through two major phases of what is basically illegal and immoral genetic experimentation on Pokemon. So unless the Orre region (think Old West in movies) scares the heebie-jeebies out of the PETP, it that wouldn't surprise me at all, there's a very good chance they'd be strong staples in the Orre region, especially near the Pokemon Research Lab.

    Anyway, try this for a reword, see what you think, if you can Dive-ify it to your own writing style:

    Oh, and yay for using Braviary, one of my fav flying types!

    few gramatics there.

    I'm suggesting pulling this out of here. You use interfere twice, and from the fisrst part of that setnence, we get the understanding that slowing down PETP would help Dave and X, and also it gives away too much story at this time (what I've called tipping the hand) in previous reviews)

    I know well what sinificance Gizmo has, but for the readers, they're all going to be wonderign what a Ditto has to do with a blocked path, and possibly coming up with a million very funny images that are about as rediculous as Meowth's boss fantasies. Something to keep in mind when re-editting CH2 or 3. And I have to ask the obvious question, why not go around the Regi? Squeeze between it's legs, sneak through a tree beside it, slip up the side of the rock face (I do have a Magnezone, and a creature that is fully capable of spinning web)

    This doesn't surprise me, actually. Since Cuddles came from the sky, there'd be no scent to track until we figured out where he/she/it landed, and Arceus knows where that was.

    I don't know how many he'd have, but I've got it rolling around in my head that Glover did actually win the Grand Festival once, and was politely, encouraged to not come back. Something about a Pyrocidal Muk of his that was extremely effective at distracting the opponent and wrecking Combinations, and also scaring the absolute crap out of the other trainers.

    Pyrocidal Muk: Pyro, as in Latin for fire,+ cidal, from Suicidal, or to do to oneself,+Muk, akin to living napalm jelly.

    However, that stil means he doesn't have enough ribbons, so carry on.

    Also out of control isn't quite right, while the actions of the Regis wouldn't seem to make sense, to say the PPokemon of the Resort Area were also out of control implies that the Regis were as well. The better choice I think would be to say that something,possibly the activity of the Regis themselves, had the Lake Pokemon spooked and out of control.

    You make poor Dreadnaught sound like a hopeless romantic, either that or Aquaman for Magnet Pokemon, one of the two. He's not quite that desperate for companioship.

    Glover should well know those moves, at the very least because he's a pseudo Professor. however bewilderment should come more from how the Pokemon themseves were able to use them. Just writing them off as "Oh, well, my relative was a Move Tutor and taught them" doesn't quite address how they overcame an implied genetic lack in ability to use those moves.

    One other thing, I'd very much like to see more action put into this fight. *Makes note to self to beef up his own battle scenes*

    simple typo there, Rotom not Roton.

    For whatever else I may critisize you to make you better, this right here is a side of Ferriday that I love and would not have come up with on my own. I'm stealing this. It's logical, somwthing that Ferriday would do, gives the slightest implication he's not as well trained in obedience as the others, and therefor ggives him a kind of "youthfulness" to the team.

    This was good the first time, but we've seen the introduction, and it doesn't make sense for a "Protector of the Orre Region" to be in Sinnoh. "A Protector from the Orre Region", yes, but not of.

    Glover knows already. Odds are good he's counting the number of heads between the closest window or door and himself.

    Someone's remembered World Turns, I'm pleased.

    Part of me sees Glover smacking his palm to his forehead in a "Doh't" style, and part of me sees him hwauling Ralph by his shirtcollar to the most vacant corner to talk him out of doing something he fully knows is extremely stupid.

    OH! Oh! I wanna see the escape scene!

    This section is rushed. Best advice, I'd cut it out of here, lengthen it, leave us puzzling as to what it is Regice is up to for a chapter, then give us a full and much longer explanation in CH 7 or so.

    Good habit to get into, put an
    in front of a section like that. Also, Don't tp your hand about a future plot, though it does sound intriguing.

    Also, one final note, as a creator of an OC, to me it seems like it might make the story better for me to have the chance to say "yes, that's how Glover would handle that." You handled the PETP part fairly well by not signing him up, though I'm sure there was a flat "No" on his lips before she could say "Option 2". Along that same line, are you familir with the "Beta Reader" concept that was suggested to me for World Turns? I'll confess that I'm no pro, but if you'd like to PM me chapters, perhaps I could do these editations and suggewstions more privately, and give you the opportunity to post cleaner chapters. Sometimes just having someone as a soundingboard helps. Just offering, and there are others out there who are much beter Betas than I.
    At this point, I wish to steal a joke a friend of mine told the Ringling Brothers Circus. He was taking pictures of the Circus train, and fearing that he was a PETA supporter out looking for propaganda, confronted him, but Glover is a full supporter of PETP, the People for the Eating of Tasty Pokemon.

    Yes, my friend actually said that, substituting Animal at the end for PETA, to a Ringling Bros Circus employee.

    Merry Christmas to you as well!
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2011
  18. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you found some content usable for your own fic and yes, I think I'll take the beta reader offer. I'll be working on the final chapter for this part a lot tomorrow. I'll be using that joke in the "Take to the Sky" ark. By the way, Glover has unfinished business with Ralph.
  19. Xman96

    Xman96 Fighting Leader

    This is coming along really nicely. I don't have time for a long review, but you made me want to start working on my fic again. Sadly, I don't really have the time for it right now, maybe this spring though, so you can look forward to that. I like the way that you explained the Hidden abilities, and I will steal that because I hadn't actually thought of anything for that yet.
  20. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    YES!!! More Professor X might be coming! Funny, as you got me wanting to write. Thanks, I have really enjoyed writing for myself and elaborating on what you started. (I have a lot of ideas that probably won't be even viewed in this fic, though who knows. I have some rewriting to do in chapter 3 before Chapter 5 will make sense. Though I have to say how fun it is to write on various peoples' characters.
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2011

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