The Game Pack- I wish I'd never asked for a gameboy

[Scriptor Scorpio]

Hello guys,

I'd like to say a few words before I start this story off^^

First of all, like Pokémen: season 1, it's already been finished a while ago and so it may not be as serious as coherent as later stories of mine, which I do hope they are

There's also little chance at a schedule slip since you guessed it, it's already finished. It quickly evolved into a quirky and at times very random comedy with lots of references and me trying out my weirdest ideas that hopefully turn out to make you grin a couple of times.

It is also the first true fanfic I wrote and I hope I have improved my further writings since posting this one (though it has been reworked a couple of times to do away with script talk and stuff like that). It's been on Crater and Dox, but those both shut down and you can no longer see it there. Yet, why post it then?

Well, first of all, I like it and I laugh at my own comedy fanfic, because it's my kind of humor so that makes sense.
Secondly, it's my first fanfic which turned out to be longer, but not that long as I anticipated, so somewhere in between.
I like to share it since it got me into writing and into improving my writing through using an existing world but with original characters and plot, for a lot of useful practice (and heaps of fun).
Also, I'd like to thank nya_chan, if she's out there somewhere, for inspiring me to write this with her truly work of art 'APRIL', because it got me into writing Poké fanfics, especially this one^^ Thanks nya!

I do however have no intention of extending or rebooting this story because it wouldn't just be the quirky and utter random comedy it unexpectedly turned out to be. The plot is relatively solid, given the strange world and characters, but the characters' interaction is what I got a lot of practice in writing dialogue and stuff. Hope you guys like it and hope I haven't lost something good along the way writing more serious and dark stories, but we'll see about that

Word of warning: the chapters start out small, but grow rather quickly To comply to the rules and not to leave you with a little tidbit when you were expecting more to eat in a week, I'll add a chapter or two to the first post to keep it a bit filling^^

And so we begin!

The Game Pack- I wish I'd never asked for a gameboy

Part 1: I wish I'd never asked for a gameboy...


"Why do I always have to go to get the water bottles?" Casper wined.

A 15 year old boy was complaining about him being always the one that had to

'Go get the water bottles'

And he didn't like it. At all.
Certainly not when he was playing
'STAR WARS TRILOGY'
On his brand new gameboy advance sp.

He didn't have much choice,
so he went down the stairs, into the basement, wining and complaining as he went.
The basement was not so different or special from other basements, although it’s a bit dusty and if you don’t count:
-The endless row of empty bottles that fill most of the shelves
-The pieces of wood that come falling down, every time you move, from the rotten roof
-And some old roof plates, for possible, future use…

When he was about pick up a bottle, he suddenly saw something shining under a pile of dust… He blew the dirt away, which formed a huge cloud in the cramped space… A few coughs and sneezes later, he saw that underneath the grey particles there lied a piece of plastic, in a square form. He recognized it, because it looked like the game he was playing earlier... On the GAME PACK, what it probably was, it said
POKEMON: Special Collection.
He heard a few times about it,
POKEMON,
when his father was talking about 'when he was young' and 'those days' when it was a cold November evening, just like this one... His father had tried multiple times to make him try a game, but without success...

Suddenly,
An idea popped into his head: Why not try it? He had more then enough of most of his games
AND It would make his dad much happier (And less whining) About his okémon...

In the mean while, that same dad asked his wife were young Casper was. Casper’s mom replied with "He’s getting the water bottles out of the basement."
His father panicked for a strange reason and ran down the stairs…

Casper was about to turn the power on, when his father suddenly came running down the stairs, saying "No Casper, no..." But it was already too late...

Part 2: Pixel dudes!

The screen lit up and blinded Casper and his father. A few seconds later, there was no sign of Casper or... It took a while before Casper was brave enough to open his eyes, and when he did, he was shocked by what he saw: Casper opened his yes and screamed, "Aaaaaah! I'm a pixel dude," After which he screamed some more…
Dad (?) said: "Look what you've done! I told you not to touch anything!"

Casper screamed to an even higher tone and then said: "... Uh, you didn't..."
His dad thought for a moment, then decided:
"Don’t touch anything from now on!
Aah!"

He screamed as he saw Casper pushing a button near him, "what did I tell you!"
Casper replied with saying that since he is a pixel dude, he can do anything I want... Which led him to saying: "Yeah freedom!"
"So what I'm still your father, even worse your pixel father!!!" his dad said to tease him.
"Oh man, well easy come, easy go," sighed a disappointed Casper.
"You call opening an interdimensional gate 'easy come'???" his dad asked amazed.
Casper couldn’t reply to that, when suddenly, he remembered something:
"Hey, wait a minute, how do you know all this intersomething stuff?"

Then his dad revealed something unbelievable…: He made the Game Pack...
Casper gasped, because of the startling news and replied with "What?!"
His dad said it once again… But Casper said he heard him the first time, He wanted to know what he was talking about.
"Well, when I was young..." he commenced…
"Oh no, here we go again..." Casper interrupted.
His dad was very angry and silenced him quickly.
After that, he went on with his story…: "Well, as I was saying, when I was young, I was a huge fan of Pokémon and I wanted to live the adventure myself, be in it... So I made The Game Pack. Unfortunately, the experiment failed and I hid it in the basement, where you found it... Casper gasped, for the second time, "WHAT? Why couldn't you hide it in a top secret vault, like everyone else?!"
Dad gave a real lame excuse, "Uh... I ran out of money..."
Casper sighed, whispering ‘typical’, when he remembered another thing… Didn’t he say that the experiment failed? Indeed, he did. Then how did they become pixel dudes?
"All will be explained in time...," his father wisely replied, "but for now, I must show you something..."

Part 3: The close call

Casper followed his dad upstairs, wondering what he was about to see... When they were on the ground floor, his dad told him to look out the window, what he, impatient as he was, immediately did (Wow, that's quite a change...) and what he saw would amaze anyone...

He watched as he saw somebody that looked awfully familiar, about to be attacked by a grey monster that looked a little like a dog... Heroic as he was, he ran out the door, before his dad could say something about his reaction... Casper ran towards the kid, saying: "Hey, leave him alone, get off you grey hound or something!"

But the kid said: "What are you talking about? He's my pet!" Casper gasped again, but silently, then exclaimed, "Your pet?!"
"Yeah," the kid went on, "It's a [pk]Poochyena[/pk], I got it for my birthday, isn't it cool?"
"Hello?"
"Er... hello?"
Casper, who has been speechless for a while, is scared by the yell. "As I was saying, don't you think my [pk]Poochyena[/pk] looks cool?"
"Er... yeah, very cool..." Casper replied.
Casper’s dad had reached the two and took over: "I'm sorry for my son; he's a bit startled by... the environment..."
"Oh sorry, I didn't introduce myself, my name is Joe, I live next door," Joe apologized.
Casper suddenly snapped out of his gaze and introduced himself too. "Nice to meet you, Casper, did you move in here?" Joe asked curiously.
Dad answered in his place: "Yes, we did, we're new here."
"But dad..." Casper uttered.
"I'm sorry", Casper’s dad interrupted,
"But we have to go now; Casper and I have some work to do,
If you don't mind…"
"Off course not, well see ya around Mr...." Joe said.
"Pack," Casper’s dad filled in.
Joe thought for a while, then said:
"See ya later Mr. Pack and… Packman," while pointing at Casper.
Dad and Joe laughed, while Casper still remained petrified...
when they were back inside… Casper’s dad sighed: "Whew that was close..."
Casper, while still gazed, asked, "What is going on here, what was that... that... Poochyena?!
Was it a..."
"Pokémon?" his dad filled in.
"Pokémon..." Casper whispered.
"I think you'll probably want some kind of explanation, right?" his dad asked.
"Yes, please..."
"Well, do you know what the Game Pack did?"
"Yes..."
"Well tell me."
"We're in a videogame?"
His dad made a beep sound and said: "Wrong."
"Huh?"

 

[Scriptor Scorpio]

As you can guess, parts will be much longer from now on; I'll try to keep things consistent, maybe split up the later parts in well, more parts.

Any comments are much appreciated, also if a minimum or maximum chapter length as opposed to how it is now is more pleasant to read^^ Yes, I know I can't change anything anymore (unless I get really inspired by some really nifty commentaries), but I can give some hints about what is to come, adjust chapter length or arrangement of spacing and such and so on. And with that, let's begin the next part of this comedy as it becomes ever more wackier and quirkier but most of all, hopefully it'll be fun and get people to laugh here and there^^

Part 4: This world...

"Oh man, I wish I got a kid like Diria not like you. Diria worked with me on the project and guessed better then you did!" His dad sighed.
"Then what is the right answer?" Casper asked with desperation written all over his face.
"The Game Pack turned our world, for the second time..." his dad began…
Casper interrupted him again by gasping and exclaiming,
"What?"
"Could you let me finish for just this once?!"
"Ok ok, calm down..."
"Well, as I was saying, the Game Pack turned our world into a Pokémon world, which means that everything is now 'pokémonized '!"
Casper was amazed…
"We must turn off the gameboy to get our world back," his father went on.
"Er, we?"
"Yes, we. Well, mostly you..."
"But I don't know anything about Pokémon!"
"Don't worry I'll guide you all the way and you get this..."

Casper’s dad handed him a blue device with a screen, displaying him, but drawn in manga style...
"That's a Pokédex and also your ID. Make sure nothing happens to it," he said.
"And what do I have to do with it?"
"You'll see…" he said in a mysterious way…
He pressed a hidden button on the Pokédex. Suddenly, blue goo crawled up his arm and started to engulf him. He screamed, but no sound was heard...
When the blue goo stabilized, some of its parts changed colour, eventually resulting into a strange outfit:

a blue bandana with a bow and dot on it, in a black colour (with other words, the one you always see on the hat/cap/... of the protagonist of a Pokémon game), a blue jeans, that hangs half his shoes, a sweater with a pocket for his Pokédex, where he put it, and black-grey gloves...
Casper’s dad handed him a backpack, saying,
"You might need this."
"Thanks dad..."
Casper got lights in his eyes, in which we saw a raging storm, waiting to be unleashed… In his mind was seen that all the pokémon knowledge of the world is stored into his dusty, rare used brain...
"I am ready," he said with a darkened voice.
"Then it is time for your destiny..."
They walk up to a strange desk, hidden behind some old roof plates... When they had cleared the rubble, they saw one Pokéball...
Dad said: "Now, choose your pokémon, and begin your journey..."
"There is only one ball!"
Casper’s dad sighed, for the millionth time and then he said,
"Although you have learned much since I gave you that pokédex, you're still as clueless as you've always been. Inside the ball, there lies nothing... unless you want it and if you do, it will be exactly the one you wanted... Casper held the ball in the palm of his hand…
"Concentrate..." said his dad.
Casper concentrated…
"Concentrate..."
Casper concentrated harder…
"Concentrate!"
Casper concentrated so hard that his eyes turn into raging storms!
"Now, throw it!"
Casper threw the ball on the ground, while saying the name of his Pokémon...
The storm unleashed itself, together with the Pokémon...
SHELLOS!
A [pk]Shellos East[/pk] appeared before the eyes of Casper and his dad. Casper greeted his first pokémon and gave him the nickname Slug. After a brief moment of happiness and bounding, Casper sent Slug back to its pokéball...
"And now?" Casper asked.
"Now we must find any help we can get..."

Part 5: The annoying little helper

"And who did you have in mind?"
"First, remember that Poochyena kid?"
"Yes..."
"Well, we can ask him!"
"Ooooowww..."
"But remember, he mustn't know anything about our mission, so be discrete, ok?"
"Yeah yeah..."
"Now then, let's move out!"

After a while, they reached the front door of Joe's house. When they rang the doorbell, Joe almost immediately opened it...
"Hello Mr.Pack and... Packman (laughs), what can I do for you?"
Casper’s dad did the talking: "We've come here to ask you if you want to join my son here on his Pokémon journey."
"Well, ehm... I'm not sure... can I think about it?"
"Of course you may, but please give us the answer before tomorrow, because he'll be leaving soon..."
"Sure thing, see you then..."
"Bye Joe."
"Bye Mr. Pack and Casper."

Casper suddenly woke up because Joe said his name: "Eh, bye..." After that, Joe closed the door… When they arrived at their home...
"Who's next?" Casper asked anxiously.
"Don't you have friends?!"
"Oh, yeah, right, erm..."
Casper became a bit saddened… His dad turned from a frustrated mood to a comforting mood…
"Don't worry, I'll be ok, Joe's coming with me. Strange, why does that name sound so familiar, hmmm...?" Casper thought.
"Ok, we'll see what he has decided tomorrow... Now go get some sleep, it will be an exciting day tomorrow..."
Casper yawned and said:
"Ehm... Dad...?"
"Yes Casper?"
"What happened to Mom?"
"I have no idea, Son, no idea..."
"Wow, that's the first time dad doesn't know an answer to one of my questions. Ooooh... creepy..."
Casper thought, shivering… The following morning...
Casper yawned and then walked downstairs for breakfast... Mmm... I wonder where dad is...
"Good morning Casper."
"Good morning dad."
"And? Ready for you big day?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"Good. Now follow me..."

Outside the house...
"What is it?"
"You'll see..."
"Hey!" Joe said.

Casper was freaked out by the pop-up…
"And, are you ready for the big trip?" Joe asked.

Casper recovered from his strange expression and said:
"Yeah, sure thing."
"Ok, then we'll be off, bye Mr. Pack."
"Bye, dad."
Casper’s dad whispered to Casper: "I'll be contact in with you all the way, with this (handed over a little microphone)"
"Thanks dad," Casper whispered and putted the device in his ear.

...
"On the road to..."
"Stop. That. Song!" Casper yelled.
"Whaaaaaaaaat? It's catchy..." Joe said.
Casper added: "And undescribingly annoying!"
"Ok ok, I'll stop it, jeeeze... huh?"
"What is it, heey? Where did he go?"
Joe was startled when Casper finds him in the bushes and said: "Come quickly!"
"Whaza?"
"NOW!"
Joe pulled Casper into the bushes and then said:
"And be quiet!"
Casper whispered: "For who or what are we hiding?"
"THEM!" Joe said, while pointing at a few trainers a bit further…
"What! Are you afraid of a few rookies?!"
"We are rookies as well, remember?"
"That's what you think..."
"Huh?"
"I'll show you how it's done..."

Casper walked up to a youngster who was looking around...
"Hey you there!"
"Who, me?" the youngster asked.
"Yeah you, let's battle!"
"Wouldn't want anything more!"

FIRST BATTLE!
"By the way, my name's Stirf." (What kind of a name is that?!)
"By the way, you're gonna lose!"
"I'm gonna get you for THAT! Go [pk]Zigzagoon[/pk]!"
"Bye [pk]Zigzagoon[/pk]!"
"Huh? How did you do that?" asked the youngster, when he looked at his fainted [pk]Zigzagoon[/pk],
"Your pokémon, nice Shellos by the way (this is getting old...), just got out..."
[pk]Shellos East[/pk] or 'Slug' appeared on the field...
"Well, it's very simple, actually," Casper said, "I KO-ed it with Shellos his ... Pokéball!"

Youngster Stirf, Joe & Casper’s dad their jaws fell wide open.
"Well, I told you, didn't I (referring to Joe)?" Casper proudly said.

Joe remained speechless until Casper tapped his shoulder, then he said: "Uh... Wow!"
"Thank you, thank you."
(Hey that rhymes),
Casper said, while making a bow…

"But we still need to train more..."
"Ok ok..." Casper said grunting, "but one more thing… Gimme’ the money, Frits!
The youngster squeaked, gave Casper the money and ran like the wind!
"It’s good to be good,"
(Hey, I rhymed again)
Casper proudly said…

In the grass...
"Wait until there comes one..." Joe whispered to his impatient friend…
"Hey, why do we have to go into the grass?" Casper complained,
"It doesn't make any sense... Wild beasts or
Pokémon should normally live in forests or something..."
"Yes! There is one!" Joe suddenly said.
"Finally!" Casper said. Then he suddenly spotted another one,
"What do you say if we go catch some pokémon and meet up here, later on?"
"Sounds fine to me."
"Okay, see ya later..."
"...alligator!"

Casper slowly crawled to the pokémon, when suddenly... it spotted him!
"Oh, so you wanna battle huh? Fine by me... go Slug!"

Slug appeared for the third time and was ordered a mud-slap on the... What is it actually?
By looking closer, Casper could see that it was a [pk]Starly[/pk], standing in the attack position…

"Oh no, that's a flying type, now what? Oh wait…" Casper said, while Casper grabbed a…
"This can work too,
Go Pokéball!"

The [pk]Starly[/pk]tried to resist, but it wasn't strong enough to break out, so...

[pk]Starly[/pk],
Who is nicknamed Nick, was... caught!

FIRST CATCH

"Yes, I've got it!"
"Me too," Joe (?) said.

Casper was startled by him and said:
"Could you stop sneaking up to me like that?"
"Sorry, but look..." Joe apologized, then he threw a Pokéball on the ground…
"I've got a [pk]Bidoof[/pk]!"
"Great! Now go get some pokémon!"
"I already did!"
"Oh yeah right... Anyway..." Casper said, when suddenly he saw a bunch of good-looking girls, "Oh man, pixel chicks!"
Casper walked up to the ‘pixel chicks’...
"I wouldn't do that if I we..."

Casper (in the distant) said to the girls: Hey chickies, I'm Casper…"
Casper did something that they obviously didn't like because... Casper returned to Joe, very 'broken'... While rubbing over his injuries, he said: "Oh man, pixel bruises..."

 

[Rotomknight]

Please put me in your PM list.
About how many chapters is this? What will be your update schedule?
And this is ridicolus.

 

[Scriptor Scorpio]

Please put me in your PM list.
About how many chapters is this? What will be your update schedule?
And this is ridicolus.

Well, I don't know how to put anyone in 'my' PM list, nor do I know what that does (if it's to know when a new chappie's up, that's every monday, unless I've got exams and such, which I'll note at the end of a part before those begin and there's a 'hiatus')

It's got 14 parts in total + a movie that's probably the size of two parts or more

Also, seeing as part 14 is 9 pages in Word, I'll probably have to divide it in more parts so it isn't such a long thing to read in one go^^ But what my exact cut off length will be, well, the readers can decide as I usually read something in one go xD which isn't advisable. For now, it seems 3 pages is the standard for the first two posts containing multiple, very small parts that seemed so lonely

By the way, thanks for being the first commenter^^ And I'm guessing 'ridiculous' is a compliment Well, I hope so, lol

 

[Rotomknight]

Sure is!
I come from a family that takes things like geek as a compliment.
Also whats with the the brackets that every pokemon is between?
Very quirky, humor seems rather random.
The plot is also rather gripping.
Since you shall be very reliable and warn us about hiatuses there is no need to add a pm list. It is handy for very irregular update schedules, like Missingno. Master's The Adventure of Adventureness. Sometimes it updates three times in a day then goes away for a month. Then two weeks later an update. Followed by a 10 month hiatus. Now it has had those update breaks but not next to each other. It is a list on the first post, and whenever there there is an update the people on the list are PMed to inform them.

 

[Scriptor Scorpio]

Sure is!
I come from a family that takes things like geek as a compliment.
Also whats with the the brackets that every pokemon is between?
Very quirky, humor seems rather random.
The plot is also rather gripping.
Since you shall be very reliable and warn us about hiatuses there is no need to add a pm list. It is handy for very irregular update schedules, like Missingno. Master's The Adventure of Adventureness. Sometimes it updates three times in a day then goes away for a month. Then two weeks later an update. Followed by a 10 month hiatus. Now it has had those update breaks but not next to each other. It is a list on the first post, and whenever there there is an update the people on the list are PMed to inform them.

Thanks, really appreciate it

It begun with the idea if the story being rather interesting to work out; later in the story the repercussions of that idea start to sink in, but it also quickly gained more and more comedy and lots of references to Pokémon as a whole, but also other great works. As you can see, it pokes fun at a real world suddenly becoming a game and only Casper realising it. Adding all the knowledge he has about Pokémon which he uses to his advantage, not to mention his fun and amusement, it's rather quirky yes^^ But I'd like to think that's what makes some smile while reading it and that makes it all worthwhile

So to everyone, have fun reading it I still laugh at some parts, but hey, that's just my strange sense of humor No need to be modest, I made it so I found it funny

For the pk brackets, yeah, on Pokédox there were those things to put Pokémon pics in a story, but I haven't figured out yet if there are some on here. It brings a bit of color and lampshading into the story, so it'd be nice if I could keep that

 

[Rotomknight]

You should know that it is against the rules for pictures to be used as descriptions in serebiiforums. Now you might get away with it, but they actually limit pics in posts, so you may need to edit this a little. Just a heads up.

 

[Psychic]

Firstly, please don't put parts of your text in different colours. They are what they are for a reason - by changing it, people who use different forum skin styles won't be able to read it. I couldn't even get through a single sentence because I use a black forum skin, for instance.

Secondly, the general rule here is that stories should be divided into chapters, and each chapter must be in its own post and be at least two pages long on Microsoft Word. I would encourage you to find some way to better divide these where there aren't a dozen incredibly short "parts."

Thirdly, as Rotomknight said, photos are not allowed to replace words on this forum, because it's widely seen as a result of pure laziness. You wouldn't need to "bring a bit of colour" if you actually describe Pokemon using your words and a bit of skill. Consequently, you should edit your story and take out the [pk] tags throughout.

Lastly, you really shouldn't have a story that's mainly dialogue. A good story also has description. Describe people, places, things, Pokemon. Describe actions. Describe the emotions, thoughts and facial expressions of characters. Those are basic ways to build a good story.


I understand you wrote this fic some time ago, but that means you have all the more reason to update and improve it. They're all quite easy and simple to do, and while the last one may require more time and effort, if you care about your story and about gaining readers and being taken seriously by other writers, you should see the benefit in doing it.

Good luck,
~Psychic

 

[Scriptor Scorpio]

Firstly, please don't put parts of your text in different colours. They are what they are for a reason - by changing it, people who use different forum skin styles won't be able to read it. I couldn't even get through a single sentence because I use a black forum skin, for instance.

Secondly, the general rule here is that stories should be divided into chapters, and each chapter must be in its own post and be at least two pages long on Microsoft Word. I would encourage you to find some way to better divide these where there aren't a dozen incredibly short "parts."

Thirdly, as Rotomknight said, photos are not allowed to replace words on this forum, because it's widely seen as a result of pure laziness. You wouldn't need to "bring a bit of colour" if you actually describe Pokemon using your words and a bit of skill. Consequently, you should edit your story and take out the [pk] tags throughout.

Lastly, you really shouldn't have a story that's mainly dialogue. A good story also has description. Describe people, places, things, Pokemon. Describe actions. Describe the emotions, thoughts and facial expressions of characters. Those are basic ways to build a good story.


I understand you wrote this fic some time ago, but that means you have all the more reason to update and improve it. They're all quite easy and simple to do, and while the last one may require more time and effort, if you care about your story and about gaining readers and being taken seriously by other writers, you should see the benefit in doing it.

Good luck,
~Psychic

Didn't realise that thing with the skin, sorry. Don't quite know why you can color your text then, but I did on the other forums and hence, why it's still in this version.

I put the first short parts together in one post to form one 'chapter'; I used to put a lot more white spaces in between text in my first version which caused even the first parts to be quite long or at least two pages, hence why they're still 'apart' in this version. I fear the more I edit this very old story, the more I want to rewrite it completely so it's up to current standards, but that would also mean cutting out its distinctive utter random humor, which dialogue is a big part of. It would also mean I'd write it completely differently with more plot and such. I'm not trying to be a stubborn rule breaker or something, just thought I'd say... this story helped me develop my dialogue and humor. Adding too much description would slow it down and make it more serious, but nonetheless you've given me things to think about and I'll try my best getting my fic in line with the rules. Might take a lot longer to post new parts though, with all the editing and stuff.

Oh well, I'll take out the pk tags out, sure. In later parts you'd see their teams summed up like it would be in games, a game that sorta became real but is still obviously a game, like the one in this story.

For anyone wanting a dramatic, dark story with lots of atmosphere, go take a look at Rapture: House of Broken Mirrors, CHA-05 and Pokémen: season 2. For something that has been edited to not be named a script fic, read here... But I'll still edit things so they conform to the rules.

Edit: I see what you mean with dialogue... But most descriptions would just lengthen the conversation:s and not add much to the conversation, which tells the story by showing a quirky dynamic between the characters... It does get better, but the older a story of mine is and the more I have to edit, I eventually come to a point that I have to rewrite everything and I'd better just start over. But as you can guess, that's not my intention. Unless quirky dialogue humor (with the proper "" instead of a script style) isn't allowed here:s I do want to be taken serious, but that's what Rapture: House of Broken Mirrors is for and CHA-05 and Pokémen: season 2. pk tags, chapter length and removing color, no problem... In short, do I have to change the dialogue, adding in more description to comply to the rules, if I have "Something something," Casper said?

 

[Psychic]

Didn't realise that thing with the skin, sorry. Don't quite know why you can color your text then, but I did on the other forums and hence, why it's still in this version.

The Fan Fiction Rules are pretty clear on not changing font colour. And "just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should" applies here. We can't control whether or not there's a colour-changing option.

I put the first short parts together in one post to form one 'chapter'; I used to put a lot more white spaces in between text in my first version which caused even the first parts to be quite long or at least two pages, hence why they're still 'apart' in this version.

That's fair, but then please write "Chapter _" at the top of each post.

That's also what you should be doing here. Again, the Rules state that there should be a blank line between each paragraph to make ti easier to read, so you press Enter twice every time you start a few paragraph. It makes things more legible when you have normal-sized paragraphs. A good story, humour or otherwise, should be comprised of both dialogue and paragraphs.

I fear the more I edit this very old story, the more I want to rewrite it completely so it's up to current standards, but that would also mean cutting out its distinctive utter random humor, which dialogue is a big part of. It would also mean I'd write it completely differently with more plot and such. I'm not trying to be a stubborn rule breaker or something, just thought I'd say... this story helped me develop my dialogue and humor. Adding too much description would slow it down and make it more serious,

What you might not realize is that you're essentially saying "I don't want to make this as good as it can be because when I wrote it I wasn't very good." That's not an excuse not to improve something. You are posting a piece of work online, and people are going to judge you for it. Why wouldn't you then make it the best it can possibly be, so you put your best foot forward and make a good impression? If people see that you posted something that you didn't put much effort into, many of them won't want to read your other work. For most writers, our earlier stories are rarely our best, because we're still learning. You won't ruin anything by editing it, and giving it a different plot could make it even better. There is no reason to be afraid of improvement.

Also, honestly, "random humour" isn't actually all that funny to most people. Randomness does not automatically make something funny, and a lot of writers who want to write humour don't realize that. And a story can still be silly and funny while having description. Humour doesn't solely come from fast-paced dialogue. A good humour writer can make anything funny, even if it might not normally be.

but nonetheless you've given me things to think about and I'll try my best getting my fic in line with the rules. Might take a lot longer to post new parts though, with all the editing and stuff.

I appreciate that. You shouldn't worry about it taking longer to write; that's normal, and is expected. Good readers understand that good writing doesn't just come out of nowhere - it takes time and effort. Those willing to put time and effort into their fics show that they care, and the result is almost always 100% better.

Oh well, I'll take out the pk tags out, sure. In later parts you'd see their teams summed up like it would be in games, a game that sorta became real but is still obviously a game, like the one in this story.

The fact that it's a game doesn't mean you can skip out on actually describing things that appear. The point of description is that it paints a picture of what's going on in the reader's head, which makes the story feel more real. There is rarely a reason that there shouldn't be any. For instance, it's the difference between "a Pikachu was there" VS "the yellow mouse-like creature stared at us, its black-tipped ears twitching. Sparks started flying from its bright red cheeks." Which is more interesting? Which paints a clearer image of the scene? Once you get the hang of description, you'll see why it's a writer's best friend.

For anyone wanting a dramatic, dark story with lots of atmosphere, go take a look at Rapture: House of Broken Mirrors, CHA-05 and Pokémen: season 2. For something that has been edited to not be named a script fic, read here... But I'll still edit things so they conform to the rules.

"I have other stories that are written better" is not an excuse for this one to be bad. There is pretty much never a reason that a story you post where hundreds of people can see it should be anything but the very best you can make it, unless it's literally to say "look how bad I used to be!" That certainly doesn't seem to be the point here.

Edit: I see what you mean with dialogue... But most descriptions would just lengthen the conversation:s and not add much to the conversation, which tells the story by showing a quirky dynamic between the characters...

It does get better, but the older a story of mine is and the more I have to edit, I eventually come to a point that I have to rewrite everything and I'd better just start over. But as you can guess, that's not my intention.

Unless quirky dialogue humor (with the proper "" instead of a script style) isn't allowed here:s I do want to be taken serious, but that's what Rapture: House of Broken Mirrors is for and CHA-05 and Pokémen: season 2. pk tags, chapter length and removing color, no problem... In short, do I have to change the dialogue, adding in more description to comply to the rules, if I have "Something something," Casper said?

Again, a good story uses both dialogue and description to its advantage. You shouldn't be afraid of using one, or you'll never improve as a writer.

Honestly, I don't see the harm in starting over, especially if you feel that you improved a lot since since writing this. I understand if you want to focus on your other fics, but in that case why would you post this at all? It goes back to my point about putting your best foot forward at all times and showing the community that you care about the quality of what you post.

The thing is, you can be a humour writer and still be taken seriously. For instance, bobandbill, one of the mods here, writes humour and parody fiction, and he's respected because he puts effort into his work and makes sure it's always good quality.

Really, you shouldn't improve your fic because the rules say so - you should do it because you want people to see that you're a competent writer who wants to show the world their best work. You should do it so the community will respect you.

~Psychic

 

[Scriptor Scorpio]

Edit: For all intents and purposes, Psychic, this is not me trying to annoy you or anything at all, or at least I don't mean to. It's just... in short, this is mostly for sweet memories and an ounce of laughing material for anyone who's bored. But not my greatest and latest enormously improved and high quality story. A bit like my short story 'And then Joey was a zombie', something airy and ridiculous, just a lot longer and with actual continuity, but with no intent on making it a cultured and prize-winning comedy.

I wouldn't dare say it comes anywhere near bobandbill's work or anyone else on this forum. Since I usually don't get replies even on Rapture (just a lot of views as I see it), I guess my writing is just food for extremely bored people, though I do hope that isn't the case. So yeah, read it, hopefully have fun; if you don't want to read or don't think it's funny, that's just taste (or lack of qualitative comedy instead of ridiculous blabbering trying to be amusing at most) or honestly, I have a lot to learn... which doesn't seem to come up in my better stories, you know, some form of feedback or even replies, so honestly, I know I have improved compared to this little random letter soup, but I don't know if I'm doing anything right in my latest stories, so I might as well just be doing bad in those stories and worse in these. Or worse in both:s


I guess what I'm trying to say is, I have no intention to rewrite this story with a different plot or lots more description, since then I wouldn't make it this humorous.

I realise it's not that good as what I'm writing now, well, hopefully I progressed after 5 years of writing and practicing.

Also, I kinda broke off into the movie once I realised I couldn't go on oddballing every new part with random humor and little plot, because I ran out of inspiration and I did start the story as a semi-plot heavy story, what with Casper and the secret agendas of someone that appears later, the tricks you can use when you're in a world turned into a video game. Hence why I never let him finish all the eight gyms (which, at the time, I couldn't do that well without heaps of comedy). So why post this? Well as I said, it's what got me into fanfic writing and writing in general after I'd mostly been making up ideas since I was 10. I stated I knew it wasn't that good and it's mostly hear to make people laugh once in a while, but not to be a deep and intriguing story. It's a kind of airy story with pretty solid continuity, a 'laugh hour' every week if you will.

If I say that and perhaps 'look what I began with, how I grew as a writer and I'm hopefully not as bad anymore, but still funny at times' as well as I'm very attached to this fic as it is, just maybe people will realise this isn't my 'greatest' or best work that I put up to my highest possible standards, but a quirky oddball snippet to read when you're feeling down and you can see the humor in Joe and Casper's antics. And maybe because if I rewrote this, put a lot of time and effort into it and make it really good... I might find out I can't write funnily anymore, just dark and gloomy like Rapture: House of Broken Mirrors. I may have lost something along the way and this story written in my days as a 16-year old, may remind me how angst can be kinda ridiculous.

Also, lately my dialogues have been the best part of most of my stories or so people say, but my descriptions are lacking. Putting in more parts of my writing that are worse than the dialogue... Water down the things that people can perhaps laugh at, even if it isn't as good as my later work.

Someday I'll write a sequel, as I did with Pokémen, whose sequel is also kind of dark and gloomy since I haven't figured out yet how to be good and funny at the same time, at least in written form. I'll change things like font, tags and other stuff since I realise that just annoys readers' eyes and exhausts them for no other reason than remnants of another forum... And when I can really write something good that's perhaps also funny and complex at the same time... I'll try again to get published.

Updates can be slow from now on, as the editing can be tricky and school work and exams is coming up. Psychic makes very good points, if I was planning for this to be 'great' instead of 'sweet memories that are worth posting if even one person laughs at them' and someday, I'll write something better and they'll see the evolution. Otherwise, I'd have to update every older story of mine because it's worse than my last and newest... Yeah, it's not my best 'excuse', but it is the truth, how I learn to improve myself: by writing something else in a better way. I once wrote a book and constantly thought about that I had to put in more emotions and atmosphere... eventually it filled up with filler and people got bored reading it and with every editing step, I doubted every word because I thought people wouldn't like it, it had to be more 'serious', 'complex' and so on. So if I've found a way to write a certain story, be it funny or morbid, pensive or jumpy, I just go with it since well... retracing my steps hasn't gone that well. Perhaps I'm just much farther behind in my improvement schedule than I thought and I'm still in the try-out stage. So yeah, people enjoy some tidbit they found on the internet and if not, no hard feelings. I laugh at this story and try not to think about the bouncing back and forth of supposed plot and logic If that's okay.

Greets,
Scriptor Scorpio.