So yeah. I think i'm going to join this club, whether i diside to post again or not. As i am still sensitive to reading posts about bullies and stuff, my next post may take awhile....yes, i was a bit over sheltered, maybe a lot, and didn't go to school as a kid, so that too made me feel uneasy about making a post here. As it offishalizes that status more online. I have been incressingly getting stronger emotionally, since getting into Korrina, so I feel i still have a chance out there. Give or take.
This post is really meant to be about my crush on Korrina, and how she's been helping me. So here it goes...
You see, I am female (it's mentioned in my signature, but oh well). I have a crush on a pokemon character...aka korrina...and a MAJOR crush at that.....and she's also female. While I am not sure if I have sexual feelings twards real life females at all (though i may have some feeling twards my trans female friend, but she's also online, so i duno if that accounts for much...), i've liked SEVERAL females in fiction (not just korrina), though Korrina may be the first i've ever had real sexual desires twards/crushed on to a real intensity overall.
In society, homosexuality is concidered a 'sin against God/the bible', for some reason, from what i've heard. I do not see how my crush on Korrina is a 'sin' in ANY way, shape, or form. She's been nothing but helpful to me on all emotional levels. I'm autistic, and suffer DEEPLY of stuff like black and white thinking, and i used to get depressed rather often. All that has been getting better for me now, a lot better, in fact. SINCE MY CRUSH ON KORRINA STARTED. People can say negative things around me more now, and i won't flip out, get depressed, start thinking cute things are 'evil' again, or otherwise throw a major meltdown irl. Those things really aren't happening for me anymore. I more honestly feel happy, in some ways, a pollyanna now. I feel i can get through ANYTHING due to my feelings for korrina. Its amazing. She help's me in ways nothing else has, or any other crush (lugana from ff8 started as somewhat like something like this, but that ended quickly when i read how depressing his back story was XD; ). I am a little attached to her, feeling i should look at her almost all the time, and sometimes have difficulties falling asleep at night cuz i feel so HYPER over her, and thats kinda normal for me since she's a crush overall. But depression? No. I'm really a much happier person now. I even draw Korrina really well irl, and have done many drawings so of her. She appers in my dreams, too, or at least my feelings are parodied in them (like how i acted twards that pichu plushie a little while ago. lol).
I do have this weird hunger thing, and it made me question if the 'God punishment' thing is real, but my mom looked up what i was going through online, and it just seems to relate to anxiety. It seems to be getting better now, too, as i'm starting to calm down overall. I suppose, since my mood's been so much better, my body still has anxiety in other ways. Till i over come all that too. I'm coming a long way. It'd be nice to do so on my own, but knowing a good tool that really works for me (and i really do love so much) is a nice thing too.
I hope this post put a smile on peoples faces
As for being picked on, no, i haven't been picked on for this crush, but i don't go to school or collage right now, either, and i try not to talk about her while i'm out. Even if i'd love to. My counselor, nami, does know, and she's cool with it. My brother know's and he rather likes having a 'rival' over a fictional girl he also find's very cute. My mom know's and she's completely respectful and encouraging. Yep, so far, just good vibes all over in the real world with this
EDIT: Editing this post over time to fix some spelling mistakes.
EDIT2: Fixing the post cuz it makes it sound like i don't believe in God at one point o.o And i do. What i meant to say, is i worried that his 'punishment' thing was real. But i do not think it is at all. And my mom always tell's me God is love. Which i struggle to understand, due to some things relating to society, but i try to agree with her...
