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The Greatest Story Ever Told ... ???

Smile Guy

Keep Smiling...
Ok, this is simply a VERY short prologue to see if people like the idea. I don't care if you don't. Just be honest. Here we goes!

[size=+2]Prologue[/size]

I looked up at the glittering golden ball placed seamlessly on top of the luxurious, modern and sleek building, cylindrical in shape. The golden orb was, obviously, the infamous poke ball statue which was placed on the equally infamous Professor Oak Laboratories. I smiled, feeling uplifted by it all. The sun was bearing down on it; tropical and untropical plants were interwoven in the design; it had the buzz of activity and excitement. It was incredible

And suddenly, I was there. Ready to begin my Pokemon journey around Kanto, where I would win the Pokemon League and go on to face the world, where I would overcome the wrapped-in-mystery World Master, catch all 600 known pokemon (give or take a couple of legendaries which people weren't sure about), solve all world problems, and generally have a great adventure. Wow! And here, was where it would all start! Here at Professor Oak's Lab. I whistled. It was going to be amazing!

Except it wasn't.

I slopped the rag from my bucket, placed the bucket on the floor and started wiping the windows.

Yep, I was the sodding window cleaner.

But even the window cleaner's allowed dreams, aren't they? I mean, otherwise it would be unfair. We can all dream... Except, that's never going to happen to me is it? I mean, I'm just a sodding window cleaner. But maybe --... Maybe not.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is my story. Sure, I might not be an epic traveller of the worlds, but someone's got to clean windows. And who knows? Maybe you'll be more interested in what I have to say, then you first think. A window cleaner does look through windows as well as see them you know. You may be surprised at what I know...

And, maybe one day I'll be a Pokemon Master...

... Class at Window Cleaning.

'S'all for now!

Next part coming soon
 
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Kutie Pie

"It is my destiny."
Not bad. It's short, but it's not too bad.

I'm going to keep my eye on this to see how it goes. Especially since the guy's cleaning windows. Six hundred Pokémon? Guess this takes place in the future. Like a thousand or so years from now. I don't know. Well, I'll check back when the first chapter's up and see what happens. I wish you luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
* Kutie Pie * Please be kind to midgets!
 

Dimitri

just disappear.
Well, that was a very good prologue enough. It seems to have the theme of the hopeless dreamer wanting to someday achieve his goals. It's pretty cool he's just a window cleaner. lol I like it. I like it a lot. XP

~DImItRi~
 

Demy

Well-Known Member
yep i wil check to se how chapter 1 is, not bad for the intro thought
 
Mmm, now THIS is originality. Forget about 'Unoriginality', this shows up unoriginal stories a lot more just by BEING original. ^^ (I'm NOT, of course, supporting the mockery of anyone's work, but if you're trying to make a point about repetitiveness, you've made it much more clearly by simply highlighting the difference between the 'stock' stories and this.)

Just a few points to keep in mind - you used the exact words 'sodding window cleaner' twice in quick succession. Avoiding repetitiveness applies within the story itself - cause otherwise, the flow of your story is disrupted. Also, please don't use numbers as a substitute for words (eg: please write 'six hundred' instead of '600'). It takes a bit longer, but having numbers in amongst words can be distracting for your readers.

Hmm, the window cleaner's internal thoughts seemed a bit... jumpy. Sort of touched on a point, wandered on, then hopped back and made that point again. It's not a huge problem, but it is noticeable and perhaps worth avoiding in future chapters?

Eh, at any rate, this has a LOT of potential - put it to good use! If you want anything else commented on/critiqued or if you want anything in this review expanded upon, let me know!

Good luck and fun to you!

Piney.
;204;;324;
 

Ash_Junior

Irredeemable Nerd
LOL

this is very amusing.

likey Piney said, this is definitely an original.

can't wait tosee where you go with this.
 
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