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The Haunted House

Flame of Madness

I didn't do it!
This is supposed to be a script for my Drama homework. Just wanna share it. Hope you like it!! :D

Ali: This is cool! I bet this place is haunted. I know the house has been empty for a year.

Dave: Yeah! Look at the great big cobweb! Just think of the size of the spider that made that! (Points at the window)

Ali: (whispering) what about this? (Walks to the table and touches the fruit). Ugh! Gross!

Dave: (walks to the photo and looks at it carefully). This must be the old bloke who lived here. Look at all those medals – awesome!

*A squeaking noise is heard. Ali and Dave look at each other.*

Ali: (In a scared voice) what was that?

Dave: (whispering and trembling) Maybe it’s the old bloke!

Ali: It can’t be! Impossible! He’s dead!

Dave: Maybe that’s his soul trying to complete an unfinished business…

Ali: (Shouting) a ghost!?

Dave: (shivering) possibly, probably…. (Shouting) YES!

Ali: Yikes! (Hugging Dave)

*Suddenly, the squeak got louder and louder and then suddenly stopped. Then, a voice was heard.*

Anonymous: (Ghostly) Who are you and how dare you enter a house that isn’t yours?

Ali: (In broken words) Ummmmm…. Hello… I am Ali and this is my friend Dave (points at him).

Dave: Hello, we’re here to explore the house hoping to find some valuables. Please don’t hurt us…

Ali: Please don’t. May I ask who might you be? (Both move 2 steps back)

Dave: Are you the ghost of the old bloke who lived here?

Anonymous: It’s been a while since someone visited me. So many questions, yet so little answers. I am Bill and I tell you solemnly tell you that I am no ghost. I used to be a general, I was planned to be assassinated at the night of my birthday. They stabbed me in my stomach. (Shows deep scar in stomach) This is the scar. Fortunately, I survived and went here. I turned of the lights and have no use of it to make it look like it was abandoned. I live in the basement where no-one sees me living. (Steps forward to reveal his true identity).

Ali: Is that really you? Gee, you don’t look scary at all. (Both step forward)

Bill: Does anyone know what year it is? (Scratching his head) Anyways, let’s sit down shall we?

*Ali, Dave and Bill sit down.*

Dave: It’s 2006. Why?

Bill: Huh!? What! It’s been a year?!

Ali: How do you manage to survive here?

Bill: Well, it’s simple really. You see I have a contact outside. His name is Toby. He delivers food here once a week with all the food I need for the whole week. Problem is, he died yesterday. He was my best friend. (Tears slowly run through his face)

Ali and Dave: My condolences.

Bill: Thanks (Wipes the tears off his face).

Dave: What’s your plan now?

Bill: If you both are willing, would you both help me?

Ali: Why yes of course!

Dave: Yeah, we’d be happy to! We’ll do our best!

Ali: Our first task would probably be to clean up this big dirty yucky place! Eeeewww!!!

Dave: Oh stop it Ali! Don’t act silly!

Ali: (Grins) When do we start?

Billy: How `bout tomorrow?

Dave: Sure, why not!

Billy: Great! Then it’s all settled! Meet me here tomorrow, 7:00 am. After all, tomorrow is Saturday right? NO SCHOOL!

Ali & Dave: (Excitedly) Yup! Can’t wait to get started!
Bill: Then it’s alright then! Get some goodnight sleep.

Ali: Yes sir!

Dave: We’ll be on our way. (Waves at Bill)

Both of them leave and come back on Saturday 30 minutes earlier.

*DING DONG*

Bill: Well, you guys sure are early.

Both of them come in and were stunned of the cleanliness that they saw at the living room.

Ali: Woah! You cleaned the living room!

Dave: Well, that’s only one part of the house, what about the others?!

Ali: I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we split up?

Bill: Hmm, good idea. Ok, Ali you clean the first floor, Dave you get the second floor, I’ll remake the garden and backyard.

Dave: Well, let’s get started! Shall we?

Bill: Sure! Let’s meet back here in four hours.

Ali: Best of luck guys!

Bill: Same to you!

*They all run out to their designated places to clean. And after 4 hours, they all meet at the living room. They sit down.*

Bill: We’re all done!

Dave: Not quite.

Ali: Huh!?! What do you mean?

Dave: You’re kidding right? Look at the paint and wall papers! It’s not a completely pleasant view. Let’s head to the mall.

Ali: Sure! Hey Bill, Got cash?

Bill: Yeah sure! About two million and twenty two thousand dollars.

(Dave and Ali open their mouths hanging)

Dave: Somebody pinch me if I’m dreaming!

Ali: Where’d you get that much amount of money?

Bill: I started off with my savings of one million and five hundred thousand dollars. With my salary added which is five hundred thousand, also with 10% interest, it all ended up in two million and twenty two thousand dollars.

Ali:Well, we don’t have all day! Let’s go!

*They went to the bank and deposited three hundred thousand dollars. They went to the mall to get some paint, wallpapers, food, some clothes, some new furniture. They also get some decorations for the party they just planned.*

Bill: Well, let’s head back home!

*When they went back home, they planned to split up again.*

Dave: Well, let’s split up!

Bill: I’ll paint the house and you guys stick the wallpaper.

Ali: Let’s meet here again in two hours. (They split up.)

*After two hours, they meet again and talk.*

Bill: Sit down guys.

Ali: When are we goin’ to start the party?

Bill: Tomorrow maybe?

Dave: Yes, why not?

Bill: Alright, how many people?

Dave: Let’s see, your friends our friends and the neighborhood.

Ali: That’s a maximum of 42 people.

Bill: (Sarcasm) That doesn’t seem a lot.

Dave: Oh Bill, stop being sarcastic.

Bill: Ok, Fine. Guys, each of us contribute food and invite our friends here tomorrow 10:00 am sharp. Ok?

Ali: Ok.

*Dave, Bill and Ali did the preparations, and as told, they met outside, in the garden.*

Dave: This is our friend who had lived a year with only one friend in the outside world. His friend d\had died two days ago. Let us have a moment of silence to mourn for him.

*After the silence, Bill explained everything and got a whole new bunch of friends and lives a happy life.*

Well, whad'ya think?
 
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katiekitten

The Compromise
A, this is supposed to be in the Nonpokemon fanfiction section, and B... You might want to take a peek at the fanfic rules and advice for aspiring authors. The story was just unbelievable, and as one of the main points of writing is to dispend a readers disbelief... This needs a little work.

As it is a script, where are the stage directions? The scene description? The character list? You need to set the scene first, so that directors know what period, time, and place to set it.

With setting the scene, you need to create an atmosphere. Describe the lighting, the time of day, what the house looks like! Have the characters act more nervously, be more jumpy, ectra. A little bit of back story would be nice, too.

On the plot side of things, this left me a little dissapointed. The title hints at the whole piece being horror, so I was left thinking the entire time that the story was going to turn bad. It didn't. Not so satisfying, to tell the truth. You might want to re-think it, if you want to post it. It is a little too unrealistic. Try and add some realism! =D

...Do you know how interest in Banks work? You get a pecentage, a small percentage of what is in there, extra each year. It would take way over a year to even double a million, let alone Quadrouple it.

So yeah. You might want to rethink this a little bit. XD

But it isn't all bad! Your grammer is mostly good, as is your spelling. Your characters need a little work, but that can be done easily. The problem with scripts is, it's harder to provide backstory. You can share it through converstaion, but that doesn't always work, for you can end up with random people sharing random facts about themselves to people who'd know already. XD But you do have potential. Just work hard, and you'll get there!
 
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Flame of Madness

I didn't do it!
Thanks Katekitten! But, sir just said to put on teh movements, Gesture and tone. So, that's all I put into. Anyways, thanks for teh Comment, Ideas and Criticism. Teh title was just a title to attract you guys. XD turns out that it disappoints people. Sorry.

And about the bank, I dunno how it reallly works, I'm in the 7th grade you see, so, I really dunno. It was juzt a random amount of money. Besides, this story was supposed to be for those who doesn't care about all those stuff... Anyways, due to your request (I think), I edited it. Happy? Thanks Again!
 
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