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The Hunt for Suicune

Whos you favorite character?


  • Total voters
    26
Thanks for the help! And I did try to make it a little more humorous. (Why must I be cursed with a bad sense of humor!?) And about Buzz, he will be in somewhat of a "rage mode" for the next chapter. He sure loves that Thunder Plate. :rolleyes: And the reason it says it was posted on Monday was because I just edited an old post. I wasn't being lazy and didn't tell you for days.
 

Kutie Pie

"It is my destiny."
It's not a bad sense of humor, it's a rather light-hearted humor, you know? Humor is one of those things that's a hit-and-miss when it comes to literature. Sometimes something is funny, and other times it turns out to not be funny. It really depends on how it's written out, and if was intentionally funny. If it wasn't, it's usually a Narm, which is still funny in its own way, just not how the writer intended. Know what I mean?

So it's nice you went ahead to add the humor. But don't try too hard, or you'll end up making us groan at how lame the humor is. Humor is something you have to be loose about, but not too loose. Just a little tip for the future if you want to have a humorous chapter.
 
Well, on to the next chapter! Thanks for the help!

Buzz charged at the Scrafty Gang electricity all around him, he hit right onto the one with the Thunder Plate, knocking him over. The other Scrafty came to attack Buzz. Shockwave ran up to help him. One of the Scrafty whacked Shockwave to the ground. Shockwave quickly got up and shocked it. Three Scrafty fought Shockwave, while the other two fought Buzz.

“Buzz! We have to get out of here!” Shockwave yelled.

“But...my Thunder Plate!” Buzz reminded him.

“Too late for that, we have to leave. NOW!” Shockwave yelled, he began to run, the three Scrafty chasing after him.

Buzz looked at the Scrafty holding his Thunder Plate. Then the shadow of Shockwave behind him. He would just take out the Scrafty in front of him, get the Thunder Plate, and run back with Shockwave. Yeah, that would work.

So he charged at Brickbreaker, the Scrafty with the Plate. Before he could make contact, the Scrafty grabbed him and threw him at the side of the alley, right into a dumpster. They shut the lid, and weighed it down with heavy rocks and whatever else he could find.

The two Scrafty laughed and Brickbreaker said. “That's what ya get for coming to our side of town.”

Buzz could barely hear them from inside the dumpster, but he did hear footsteps away from him. He was alone, trapped inside a dark, tight, rotten-smelling prison. So much for finding Suicune.

If only he listened to Shockwave, who cares about the Plate, now he was trapped. He wondered how Shockwave was doing, hopefully continuing the search for Suicune by himself.

*

Shockwave was running as fast as he could from the three Scrafty. He was by far faster than them, but they knew the streets better than he did and used shortcuts to get to him quicker.

“Come on! What did I do wrong? Can't I just, give you one of those Castelia Cone things and we can all be friends?!” Shockwave said sarcastically to the Scrafty Gang memebers, still running.

“I don't think that's gonna cut it kid. We're gonna show ya why you should never be in our side of town!” one Scrafty called, and took a shortcut through an alley and appeared in front of him.

The one Scrafty was right behind him, while the final of the trio was on his left. To his right was the street, the street with so many cars, if he tried running that way, he'd be sure to get hit by one.

“Looks like you're cornered.” the Scrafty in front of him said, cracking his knuckles.

“...Maybe not...” replied Shockwave, he knew his plan would probably hurt him, but he had to try. So he waited for a car to drive right next to him, and he jumped on the roof of a yellow car with black checkered marks on the sides while it was still in motion.

The other Scrafty were amazed, how could he do that? They tried to go after the car, but even with short cuts it was too fast.

On the four-wheeled moving square of metal Shockwave was having the ride of his life! He had never been on a car before, it was actually quite fun, the driver didn't even seem to notice. It was pretty fast though, he had to hang onto a yellow sign on the car that was labeled with four human letters.

He had no idea where he was going, but at least it was away from those Scrafty. The wind blowing in his fur, the bright sun reflecting of the shiny coat of the vehicle. All was good, but he felt like he was forgetting something, something important...but what was it? He thought hard, and he remembered, it was Buzz. He forgot Buzz! Buzz was supposed to be following him! Where was he?!

Great, he thought, for the second time on this entire journey he lost Buzz. But he couldn't just jump out of a moving vehicle. He'd have to wait until the yellow car stopped, which didn't look like it would happen soon.

*

Buzz was losing air in the dumpster, he felt like passing out. He tried to electrocute the dumpster but it was too strong. This was his end. But then, he heard something from the outside.

“You think he's really here?” said one voice.

“Definitely, I even heard pounding and electricity bolts come from inside it.” said another.

“Well, if you say so...”

“Come on, let's get these weights off!”

Buzz could hear the weights being taken off, once he heard all of them off. He burst out from the lid of the dumpster and saw the rescuers, they were familiar Pokémon. Very familiar.


*

Shockwave was still on the yellow car, it just wouldn't stop! Except for a few small stops at these red octagon shaped signs labeled with human words. He always tried to get off then but right as he'd almost be off it would just start up again. It eventually went past a desert-like place where the sand blew all over Shockwave's face, he was relieved when the car was out of it.

The car finally stopped at a big city, sort of like the one where he lost Buzz. But it was so much brighter, lights were everywhere. And there was a giant, slowly spinning wheel.

Humans came out of the car and Shockwave jumped off. The humans were so surprised when they realized a Jolteon was on top of their car the whole time.

Off of the car, Shockwave looked at the city, and then what was behind him. He needed to go back and find Buzz, but it was getting dark. He knew he had to find Buzz though, and he would. He found him before, he will do it again!

So, he ran into the desert, full speed. The sand blew in his face, it stung like needles, and with the darkness and the sandstorm he could barely see. He tripped over rocks, he tumbled on the loose gravel. It was just too much, he had to turn back.

He went back to the new city, the one with the wheel. There had to be another way to find Buzz, another route, another path. The desert was too rough. He walked passed buildings, tall and short. At least there were no cars here, so it was easy to walk through. He eventually came to a fork in the road, there was two small buildings that were like arches and led to two different areas. Both had a few humans in them, he was trying to avoid humans. But he'd have to dodge past them.

He quickly darted through the arch on his left, but he quickly regretted it seeing tons of humans there. Fortunately, most were older and ignored Shockwave, a few kids came up to him and stroked his fur, but at least they didn't try to capture him.

He kept going forwards and encountered a big, red, bridge. He knew that if he crossed it,the walk back to Buzz would be long. It was practically impossible for it to be another route to find Buzz. But on the other hand, he may be able to do what he set off on this journey for, maybe passed this bridge he'd find Suicune. That's what Buzz would have wanted, he should continue on the journey with, or without him, wherever he was.

Shockwave put one paw on the steel bridge, it would be a long way back. Especially for a small Pokémon like him, and then another paw on the cold metal, then he started walking, walking across the bridge.
 
Last edited:

Kutie Pie

"It is my destiny."
Okay, you know the drill, being the grammar Nazi I am.

Buzz charged at the Scrafty Gang electricity all around him, he hit right onto the one with the Thunder Plate, knocking him over. The other Scrafty came to attack Buzz. Shockwave ran up to help him. One of the Scrafty whacked Shockwave to the ground. Shockwave quickly got up and shocked it. Three Scrafty fought Shockwave, while the other two fought Buzz.

This paragraph seems repetitive, and a little too fast.

They shut the lid, and weighted it down with heavy rocks and whatever else he could find.

That should be "weighed" and since you mentioned the gang threw him in there, "he" should be "they".

Shockwave was still running from the three Scrafty at the time Buzz was thrown into the dumpster.

Shockwave doesn't know that. Thus, that sentence doesn't belong there.

“Come on! What did I do wrong? Can't I just, give you one of those Castelia Cone things and we can all be friends?!” Shockwave said sarcastically to the Scrafty Gang memebers, still running.

...um, I think "desperately" would work best. Being sarcastic won't make people stop chasing after you.

He walked passed buildings, tall and short.

He eventually came to a fork in the road, there was to small buildings that were like arches and led to two different areas.

Okay, for one thing, the "passed" needs to be "past". And you used the right "two" later on in the second sentence, so why use "to" instead of the number "two"?

He quickly darted through the arch on his left, but he quickly regretted it seeing tons of humans there. Fortunately, most were older and ignored Buzz, a few kids came up to him and stroked his fur, but at least they didn't try to capture him.

THEN WHO WAS PHONE. I mean, Shockwave is now Buzz? What, was Buzz disguised as Shockwave the whole time?

He kept going forwards and encountered a bridge a big, red, bridge.

Department of Redundancy Department

He knew that if he crossed it,the walk back to Buzz would be long. It was practically impossible for it to be another route to find Buzz. But on the other hand, he may be able to do what he set off on this journey for, maybe passed this bridge he'd find Suicune. That's what Buzz would have wanted, he should continue on the journey with, or without Buzz, wherever Buzz was.

More Department of Redundancy Department

We know he's looking for Buzz. Don't abuse his name like that. Just say he's looking for his friend, for the Flaaffy, use something else in place of the numerous Buzzes you got going on there.

Shockwave put one paw on the steel bridge, it would be a long way back. Especially for a small Pokémon like him, and then another paw on the cold metal, then he started walking, walking across the bridge.

Even More Department of Redundancy Department Complete With Sentence Fragments

Other than that, it was okay. I'm happy you're using transitions, and that you are showing a steady increase in chapter length. And I have to admit, Shockwave jumping onto a taxi cab was pretty cool. Though how he would hold onto the sign like that is beyond me.
 
...um, I think "desperately" would work best. Being sarcastic won't make people stop chasing after you.

Fixed all the mistakes but this one. Because he was being sarcastic, he knew saying that wouldn't help. But Shockwave is the kind of guy that can try to add humor to near-death experiences.
 
Last edited:

Kutie Pie

"It is my destiny."
Fixed all the mistakes but this one. Because he was being sarcastic, he knew saying that wouldn't help. But Shockwave is the kind of guy that can add humor to near-death experiences.

Ah, okay, I see what you mean. ...yeah, I'm recalling loads of cartoons where the main character has said something similar in a rather dry voice. Got'cha.
 
Despite common belief the fanfic will NOT be over soon. I have ...a surprise planned....-laughs maniacally-

Thanks for the compliments by the way!
 

wolf king

Resistance is futile
great but very, very long.

one reason i like this fanfic is it's actually quite short chapter wise ,and easily and funnly read(i don't think funnly is a word but hey ho im no writer) short updates spaced out well :) one of many good things i like about this fanfic :). i have a rather short attention span ,but this i could read for hours :D.
 
one reason i like this fanfic is it's actually quite short chapter wise ,and easily and funnly read(i don't think funnly is a word but hey ho im no writer) short updates spaced out well :) one of many good things i like about this fanfic :). i have a rather short attention span ,but this i could read for hours :D.

Aww, thanks that really means a lot!
 

FieryLucario

Just a Person
I just caught up on this fan fic, I must say it is very good. I love it! I think I have a felling on who opened the dumpster Buzz is in...
 

pokemon player

Sylveon, tho.
Well, I have about thirteen ideas for who opened the dumpster...
Can't wait until the next chapter!
 

briguin

Dr. Geek
Great job once again! Who opened the dumpster? Who's betting that it's Pokedex number 201?
 

FieryLucario

Just a Person
I don't! I don't want to say who I think it is.
 
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