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The joke thread

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Gelatino95

Not a tool
Why is Europe similar to a frying pan?

They both have Greece at the bottom.

And since everyone's doing blonde jokes, here's one:

These blondes had parked their convertible car at a grocery store, but they realize that they locked the keys in the car. One of them decides to call their insurance company about it. The other says, "Hurry up, it's about to rain and the roof is down"
 
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Eternalserenity

Eternalserenity

Wanderer
Customer: What is this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Nothing. He's dead.
 
M

MonkeyX

Well-Known Member
Theres a magic mountain and if you climb to the top and jump off you get a wish. So a guy climbs up and yells "Chocolate!" then he jumps off and lands in alot of chocolate. A second guy climbs to the top and yells "Money!" he then jumps off and lands in money. A third guy climbs to the top and as hes about to jump off


He trips and yells "Aw crap"
 
Eternalserenity

Eternalserenity

Wanderer
Customer: (to waiter) Who made this Caesar Salad - Brutus?
 
P

Priceless

**** this, i'm out
A rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary. They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives. Poor man says to the rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?" He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring." The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?" The rich man says, "If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back happy." The poor man says, "O.K. That works." The rich man says, "Well what did you get your wife?" The poor man says, "A pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man says, "Why'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo?" The poor man says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go **** herself!"
 
A

Absol6028

What did you say...?
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, "Where?"
 
A

Abstinence Pistols

Well-Known Member
Two friends are out hunting when one of them suddenly stops breathing and falls over. Panicked, the other friend calls 911 and tells them what happened. The operator says, "He might be alive still, so before you jump to conclusions make sure he's dead." the man gets off the line for a moment, there is a gunshot, and he comes back on and says, "OK, now what?"
 
A

Absol6028

What did you say...?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Ahahahahaha. That was funny xD

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.

"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.

"Help us, help us!" yells the other.

"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.

"Good idea," said the other.

"Together, together!"
 
M

MonkeyX

Well-Known Member
Heres a blonde joke:

A ventriliquist is doing an act with his puppet, he starts to tell a blonde joke when a blonde stands up and yells "Hey! I have blonde hair and that is so not funny!" The ventrilliquist tries to apoligize but the blonde cuts him off, "Stay out of this. Im talking to the jerk on your knee."
 
A

Absol6028

What did you say...?
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune..

..the Wal-Mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse.
 
G

Gelatino95

Not a tool
No offense to French people:

Why are the trees in Paris planted so close together?

The British like to march in the shade.
 
M

MonkeyX

Well-Known Member
A blonde was driving on the highway, when she got pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop asked her "Let me see your license." The blonde answered "Whats it look like?." The cop told her "Its square and it has your face on it." The blonde found a square mirror in the glove compartment and gave it to the cop. The cop looked at the mirror and said, "Your a cop too?"
 
Eternalserenity

Eternalserenity

Wanderer
*facepalm* Too many blonde jokes...

Taxi Driver: Look outside and see if my blinker is on.
Passenger: Yes-no-yes-no-yes-no.
 
G

Geekachu

_____________
EternalSword7 said:
*facepalm* Too many blonde jokes..
Click to expand...

And another one!

A blonde woman is driving very fast down the road, and so she gets pulled over by a cop. As it turns out, the cop is another blonde woman.

The blonde cop immediately asks for the blonde driver's license.

In shock, the blonde driver fumbles in her handbag and gives a hand mirror to the cop, thinking it's her license.

The blonde cop looks at the mirror and says:

'Oh I'm very sorry, if I knew you were a cop I wouldn't have pulled you over'
 
Eternalserenity

Eternalserenity

Wanderer
Waiter: (to customer) Don't complain about the coffee. You may be old and weak yourself one day.
 
M

MonkeyX

Well-Known Member
Geekachu said:
And another one!

A blonde woman is driving very fast down the road, and so she gets pulled over by a cop. As it turns out, the cop is another blonde woman.

The blonde cop immediately asks for the blonde driver's license.

In shock, the blonde driver fumbles in her handbag and gives a hand mirror to the cop, thinking it's her license.

The blonde cop looks at the mirror and says:

'Oh I'm very sorry, if I knew you were a cop I wouldn't have pulled you over'
Click to expand...
I just told that joke a few posts ago........ you told it better though.

Two lions are eating a clown, one lion says to the other lion "Does this taste funny to you?"
 
G

Gelatino95

Not a tool
What are you talking about? There can never be too many blond jokes.

Oh by the way,

A kid is in class and he asks the teacher if he can go to the bathroom, but she says he has to recite the alphabet first. So the kid says: "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ"
The teacher says, "Good, but where's the P?"
"It's running down my leg!"
 
Eternalserenity

Eternalserenity

Wanderer
Jeff: There's a man outside with a wooden leg named Smith.
Craig: What's the name of his other leg?
 
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