The jouney through Whereaview!

[Pokemon Trainer Matthew]

I have made my own region and pokemon called the Whereaview reigon with over 100 new pokemon. since none of you will have seen this pokemon before, every time Matthew encounters a new one. He will use his pokedex which will show a picture of the pokemon for you to see. Please leave comments for me and bare in mind some of this is still in prodution. Hope you like it.
The new pokedex includes pre-evolved forms such as:
Gilgar
Tauros
Tangela
Lickitung

And evolved forms for such pokemon as:
Grumpig
Stantler
Suduowoodo


This is a story about a boy called Matthew. He has wanted to be a pokemon trainer since he was 5 years old. We follew him around the far away region of Whereaview where loads of rare pokemon live and loads of new people to meet. Matthew travels around Whereaview, catching new friends, making new rivals battling gym leaders and helping bring down the evil Team Dragon.



Matthew lay in his bed, asleep. Around him were posters of pokemon and a few toy pokeballs. He had been up all night practicing his throwing technique. He was about to become a rookie pokemon trainer. He was also trying to figure what starter pokemon he was going to pick.
He wondered what it would be like to start out with the grass pokemon Leaflit
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/Jurassicmatt/WHEREAVIEW POKEDEX/494LEAFLIT.jpg
or the cool fire type Tartreal
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/Jurassicmatt/WHEREAVIEW POKEDEX/497TARTREAL.jpg
but maybe the best choice would be the water type Absorbler
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/Jurassicmatt/WHEREAVIEW POKEDEX/500ABSORLER.jpg
DING!!!!!!!!
Matthew alarm clock rang and woke Matthew up with a fright and threw the clock right out the window without realising it. OW!!.
Startled Matthew climbed out of bed and looked out the window.
A young boy about his age was walking past with blue jacket on. He looked up rubbing his head. "Hey you, be more careful!" He shouted.
"Sorry," Matthew replied back.
The boy ran of down the road towards Professer Maple's labrotory. Matthew ran down the stairs and went to the bathroom to pour some water over his face to help him waken up. When he came out his annoying 7 year old sister Beht was standing waiting for him. "Hey guess what day it is today! guess what today is! you leave home and I get your room HAHAHA!"
Without looking at her Matthew pushed her into the downstairs closet and closed the door.
"Hey let me out of here!" Beth shouted knocking on the door. Matthew sat down at the table and waited for his mum to make breakfast. " So todays the big day huh?," She said. she smiled and set down a plate filled with eggs, bacon and toast. " Isn't Brooke going to be there aswell?"
Matthew blushed and started eating his breakfast "Shut up mum" He said.
"Have you decided which one your going to pick?" His mum asked.
"I think I will pick Leaflit," Matthew answered. "It looks cool and would problely help me with the first gym"
Matthew finshed his breakfast and ran back up stairs to get changed into his trainer outfit. He put on a pair of blue trousers and a red jacket over a black shirt. On his head sat a red cap. He thought it was a cool hat and turned it backwards to make him look cooler. After putting on a pair of white trainers he set of down the road to collect his new pokemon.
Matthew walked down the road towards Professer Maples lab, admiring his surrondings. He reached the gates of the labrotory and walked inside. The room had clean white walls with shiny new machines making whirling noises. He stopped at a table with three pokeballs on it. He looked around the empty lab and went to lift the right pokeball.

"Ah! I don't think so!"
Matthew jumped and turned around to see a old man with a white beard and horn-rimmed glasses. he stared at Matthew curiosly and walked over to him "Who are you?," He asked. "I'm Professer Maple."

"I'm Matthew. I am a starting trainer and I came here to get my first pokemon" Matthew answered nervously.

"Well then pick one" He said, looking down at him. This was all of a sudden. Matthew was kinda expecting to be asked a few question before choosing his pokemon but he happily asked "Which one has Leaflit?".

"The middle one," Professer Maple said gruffly. Matthew picked up the pokeball and stared at it.
"Well throw the damn thing to open it!" Maple shouted at him. Matthew shook and threw the ball. It flew straight through a window, destroying the glass.
"Sorry abo-" Matthew started to say but just lifted a blue backpack and threw in five pokeballs and a pokedex into it. He zipped it up and threw it over to Matthew. 2Just go get your pokemon and stay out of my sight, I havn't been in a very good mood today.
He walked out of the room leaving Matthew to think that this would be alot tougher than he imanged.
Matthew closed the door to the labrotory and went round the back to find his pokemon. When he turned the corner he saw the window about a few metres above his head and looked around there was the pokeball lying wide open but not a pokemon to be found. He picked up the pokeball and hooked it to his belt. He decided to head into the forest to look for Leaflit. About a half hour later, Matthew was starting to get bored, he thought he would have started his jouney by now. Matthew came to a lake and finally saw what he was looking for. Leaflit was sitting at the edge of the lake drinking. It looked around a saw Matthew standing behind the bushes. It walked over to him and gazed from Matthew to the pokeball on his belt. Then it jumped in the air and gleefully shouted, "Leaf!".

Matthew smiled and said "Its nice to met you Leaflit. I'm Matthew, your new trainer."
Leaflit nodded and hugged Matthews leg.


Suddenly an acorn fell from the tree above and Matthew looked up to see a little dark blue bird sitting up in the tree, looking down at him.

"Hey! That hurt," Matthew shouted at the bird. It just looked down and dropped another one, missing Leaflit.

"What is that thing?" Matthew asked himself. Suddenly he remembered his pokedex and pulled it out of his bag. He turned it on and akwardly pointed it at the bird.

A picture of the bird appered on the screen and a voice buzzed from the machine saying....


http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/Jurassicmatt/WHEREAVIEW POKEDEX/506ZIPPREZ.jpg


ZIPPREZ. The tiny bird pokemon. This normal typed bird is commenly seen flying in the sky around Boulder town. It can easily be captured by beginer trainers. For a tiny pokemon this little bird is quite strong as well as handy

"Easy for beginers, eh,?" Matthew said to Leaflit. "How about a battle Leafit?"

"Leaflit Leaf." He said.

"Leaflit, Tackle!" Matthew shouted, pointing at the Zipprez. Leaflit climbed up the tree as fast as he could and slammed right into the Zipprez. The force knocked the little bird of its perch and gave it a fright. It flew into the air and gave Leaflit one of its own tackles.

"Zippppree" The bird cawed and went to give Leaflit another tackle.


"Leaflit jump down and use another tackle!" Matthew commanded as if he had years of practice.

Leaflit nodded and jumped straight up at Zipprez following up with the tackle. The Zipprez landed on the ground and looked dazed.

"POKEBALL GO!" Matthew shouted, throwing a pokeball right at the bird. It knocked the little pokemon on the head, giving it an even bigger headache. The Zipprez turned into red light and was sucked into the ball.
The ball landed on a rock and shook once, twice, three times! Then there was a little ding to signafiy the capture.

"Yes! My first pokemon," Matthew said to himself, quickly adding "Caught".

He looked down at Leaflit who was smiling and looking at the pokeball. Suddenly he jumped at the ball and pressed the button. The ball opened in half and out burst a bright white light. The light flew into the air and formed the shape of the newly captured Zipprez, flapping it wings.

"Zippreeeeeeee," It cawed.

"Welcome to Team Matthew! Or team....Classy...Power....um...undefeatable?" Matthew sighed and sat down on the grass. "Guess I won't be able to think of and cool name." Matthew then looked up into the sky and saw what looked like a giant flying Dolphin. Matthew blinked and sat up straight, but by the time he focused on the right place, it had gone. Matthew shook it out of his mind and went back to thinking of and name while Leaflit and Zipprez played near the lake.

"Maybe I could name the team after a certian type of pokemon? Hummmm....Team Grass....Fire...Ice...Dragon..."

I'm afraid that name is already taken, little boy!" Said a voice from high in the trees. Matthew stood up as fast as he could and looked around. He saw a shadow of tow people in the trees looking down at him he gazed up at them and asked " Who are you?,".

"We are Rachel and Roy of Team Dragon," Said Rachel, giving Roy an evil smile."And were here to steal your pokemon."

" I don't think thats right Rach, I mean hes only got 2 weaklings that aren't worth stealing," Roy said," Can't we just leave him alone and steal the pokemon at Maples lab?"

"Your here to rob Professer Maples Lab?!" Matthew interuppted.

"First of all," Rach reached over and smacked Roy in the face, sending him going of blance and falling of the tree. "Thats for revelling the plan to the kid! And second of all, YES we do have to steal his pokemon because every pokemon given to the boss is a good point on our side! Well kid I guess you have heard to much. Prepare for a battle!"

"WHAT really!" Matthew was taken aback by having a pokemon battle with a trainer so soon.

"Go Lizardread!" Rachel shouted, throwing a pokeball. The pokeball burst open into white light and formed the shape of a green lizard standing on its two feet. Its eyes gleamed and small eyes.
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/Jurassicmatt/WHEREAVIEW POKEDEX/516LIZARDREAD.jpg

"Ninefell!" Roy shouted standing beside Rachel. Roys pokeball opened and formed and body with loads of spikes on its back.
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i45/Jurassicmatt/WHEREAVIEW POKEDEX/509NINEFELL.jpg

"Leaflit, Zipprez..."Matthew sighed "Lets get them!"

"Zipprez, tackle!" Matthew yelled. Zipprez spead towards Lizardread and slammed its tiny body into the side of its head. Lizardread fell over and hit the ground hard. It sprang straight back up jumped at Zipprez.

"Lizardread bite Zipprez on the wing!" Rachel shouted at the Lizard. Lizardread opened its mouth wide and closed them around Zipprezs left wing. The birds eyes opened wide and cawed. Lizardread let go and sent Zipprez falling to the ground. It landed on top of a flat rock and fainted.

"Oh, hell," Matthew muttered under his breath.

"Leaflit, tackle Ninefell!" Matthew looked down at Leaflit and saw that the little pokemon was already halfway across the grass, heading towards Ninefell. It tackled Ninefell so hard, it sent the little dog-like pokemon into a tree. Stars popped in front of its eyes and it shook its head and waited for Roy's orders.

"Poisin sting, Ninefell!" Roy hollered. Ninefell opened his mouth and out shot hundreds of poisin points at leaflit.

They hit leaflit in the stomech at he fell back unconcious.

"Opps" Matthew said, and gave Team dragon a shy smile.

" Tartreal, Go!" Yelled a voice from behind Matthew.




More soon. Hope you like the pictures. I know the colours are to bright or wrong but its the best I could do on paint.
If members are not allowed to make up new regions or pokemon I am sorry, but its helping me fill the void until Diamond and Pearl.

Please Comment!

 

[anteater]

the pictures are great keep up the good work

 

[Pokemon Trainer Matthew]

Thank you for the complement!
I will continue. Maybe once I finish this I will make a RPG of Whereaview for others to join *Looks out the window thoughtfully*

Anyway heres the next part.



A pokeball exploded in front of Matthew's eyes. A dark coloured dog with flames running its back.

"Flamethrower, Tartreal!"

Tartreal opened its mouth and out shot powerful flames heading straight for Ninefell. Ninefell was caught in the flames and yelped. It ran out of the flames and into Roy.

"Hey, get off'a me!!" Roy yelled.

A girl with beauiful girl about the age of Matthew stood in front of him. She had stunning blue eyes with a pink skirt and a light blue top. Long, brown hair flowed in the wind behind her.

"Now, use headbutt!" She said at Tartreal.

Tartreal looked back at her and nodded. Tartreal charged right at Lizardread with its head down. He hit a bullseye and sent Lizardread falling into the lake. It came back up to the surface, spitting out water.

"Lizred" It hissed.

"Hey you little punk, don't touch my pokemon!" Yelled Rachel

"Then maybe you should stop bulling and train your pokemon." She said. Her voice was soft and hevenly, like an angel.

"Thats it, Roy, throw the grandbomb!" Rachel shouted stressfully.

Roy stood up and lifted a green ball with a little stick on the top. Roy threw it at Matthew and his pokemon. It rolled on the grass and sat there. Rachel shook her head and put her hand on her face.

"Take out the pin first!" She said.
"Oops!" Roy said and pulled out another one. He pulled out the pin and threw it. The pin landed a few feet away from the last Grandbomb and lay there.

Rachel went crazy.
"Throw it away, Throw it away!!!"
The bomb exploded, Catupulting them high into the sky and across the faraway mountains.

"Well we don't have to worry about them anymore." The girl said. Her tartreal sat beside her looking up at Matthew.

"Is that you Brooke?" Matthew asked.

 

[Yami Ryu]

the pictures are great keep up the good work

This is not fan art.

If you need pictures to describe your new fakemon, your describing skills are either lacky, tacky, lame or suck. Or you're just lazy. Which is it?

So instead of describing, lets say the blue bird as; The smallish sized bird pokemon was a dark shade of blue, its feathers jutting out in small spikes on the back of its head, and a large tail feather that curled in a shape resembling that of Meowth's tail. With a large orange beak, wide black eyes and short, stumpy wings that shouldn't be able to support it's wieght, the pokemon seemed to be something to draw out sympathy, not to draw blood in battle.

..

And for your second part, was that supposed to be with the first chapter, or is it the second, that seems to have been written up in the reply box?

Overall flat characters, grammar errors, lacking description, and pretty pathetic start overall. Oh yes you wrote alot, but quantity does not equal quality.

 

[Pokemon Trainer Matthew]

Okay I accept that, this is my first fanfic after all.

I will try to improve, but do you still want me to continue?

 

[DarkPersian479]

If members are not allowed to make up new regions or pokemon I am sorry, but its helping me fill the void until Diamond and Pearl.

First, we are perfectly fine with fan-made regions and Pokemon. The problem lies when you cannot/will not/choose not to accurately describe the Pokemon in words and have to resort to pictures/drawings/sprites.

Second, "filling in the void before D/P" is not a good reason to write fanfiction and put it here. Generally, most of the serious writers post here not only to share their stories, but get feedback on how to improve as writers. If you are only interested in writing rushed stuff to pass time, perhaps we are wasting our time trying to help.

Matthew finshed his breakfast and ran back up stairs to get changed into his trainer outfit. He put on a pair of blue trousers and a red jacket over a black shirt. On his head sat a red cap. He thought it was a cool hat and turned it backwards to make him look cooler. After putting on a pair of white trainers

She had stunning blue eyes with a pink skirt and a light blue top. Long, brown hair flowed in the wind behind her.

Even you don't describe Roy, he's probably got spiked orange hair, black shirt, and purple cargo pants, right? Seeing how you've already got the other two FR/LG main principals included already. Originality much?

And the whole "evil team blasting off again thing" is rather tired and overdone as well. Rather you nix the whole J&J routine, and if you want an evil organization, make them actually evil instead of, say, nitwits?

I would point out the grammar errors but there are too many. Some of the biggest violators include missing commas and punctuations, "to" instead of "too", "tow" instead of "two" and other typos that would have been awash in red with MS WORD's spellcheck. Which I am sure that you did not use.

So, it is still up to you if you want to continue; just be aware that the poor quality first chapters will likely turn away prospective readers. And if you are going to continue, I would advise you to use a word processing program, look at the Advice for Authors thread, the Rules thread, highly rated fics, and also that you take more than three hours to type up a chapter. Also do not use your pictures as an excuse not to describe Pokemon.

 

[Pokemon Trainer Matthew]

Sorry. I will explain my pokemon more and have made a PokeDex with pictures in fan art. "Filling the void" didn't mean making a fan fic it meant me making up a new region with new pokemon. R&R aren't going to blast off like J&J. That was a one-time thing. Who knows, they might not be the ones who follow them around. And the reason I was asking to continue would be because I wouldn't want to continue if nobody was going to read it.



"Yep, its me alright," Brooke said, putting out her hand to help Matthew up. "You weren’t putting up much of a fight.”

Matthew stood up and said to her “ Maybe its because it was my first battle!”

“Woooo okay, don’t get all angry with me, I was only trying to help” Brooke said in a claming voice. “ I had already battled three other trainers before them so it was kind of easy”

“Well, whoop de doo, for you!” Matthew said sarcastically. “You do know there are stronger trainers in the world, don’t ya?”

“What is with you?” Asked Brooke, heading over to the lake. She sat down and took of her shoes and socks. She dipped her feet in and lay back on the grass, staring up at the sky. Tartreal walked over to Brooke and curled up beside her.

“Nothing, I just don’t like being.” Matthew trailed off.

“What was that?” Brooke called to him.

Uh, I said I was going now.” Matthew said. He picked up his bag and headed into the forest.

“Isn’t there something your forgetting?” Brooke called after him.

“Oh yeah? Like what….” Matthew turned around to answer Brooke and saw Leaflit and Zipprez lying on the flat rock, tired and badly hurt. “Oh very funny! Leaflit, Zipprez return.” Matthew held out two pokeballs towards his two pokemon and they were engulfed in red light. Once they were in the pokeballs, Matthew turned to the forest and strolled in.

Brooke lay there giggling to herself. “Why do I like him so much Tartreal?” She asked the sleeping pokemon. Tartreal looked up and growled in a content way. It shrugged and went back to sleep

Brooke sighed, “I don’t know either,” she said quietly.


I know there’s not much action in it and that it’s mostly just two people talking but is it any better. I hope so. I am stilling trying to figure out if Matthew will catch another pokemon on his way to the next town, that’s why I didn’t continue so far.

 

[Yami Ryu]

...

Don't write chapters in the reply box. Read the RULES. Read the ADVICE THREAD. God I didn't think I needed to spell it out but get your *bleep* to those threads and bloody read them, you're writing up crap that is way, way to short, you've ignored the advice given to you. It's not gonna be a matter of 'continuing if people read' it'll be a matter of 'continue before a Mod closes this'.

 

[Pokemon Trainer Matthew]

I didn't put them in the reply box!!!!!!!!!

 

[Pokemon Trainer Matthew]

I didn't put them in the reply box!!!!!!!!!

 

[DarkPersian479]

I didn't put them in the reply box!!!!!!!!!

Sure as heck looks like it...

Because while your first post was lacking in quality, this one is lacking in quality AND quantity, and is much too short according to the rules.

Which you have clearly not read.

There is no improvement, you have actually taken a step backward.

Who's Brooke? Is she some sort of mutant rooster creature sent from Neptune to enslave us all? Description would go a long way towards clearing up the confusion. Also, grammar errors and typos are still being made, including comma usage.

Jeez, why am I even typing this? You said you were going to improve. You have not. You clearly have ignored all advice, you have not read the rules, you have not read the advice thread, and each chapter is getting worse than the last.

Just be aware that the mods have been alerted to this "fic," and that the worsening quality will likely spell closure.

 

[Zephyr Flare]

Please, insted of picking out one sentance and commenting back, actually look at the advice and use it. There are threads there for your use, The Fanfiction Rules and Advice for Aspiring Authors, there is also the Author's Cafe where you can ask about say ana rea you are struggling with and reviewers who will be willing to help give a more personal guide along should you request so.

Though we write for fun we also try and treat it as a proper artform. Woudl you show off a stickman as your masterpiece? No, you're try and create something to the best of your ability at the time and not be afraid of help. If you're unsure, try looking at existing published books like Harry Potter, The Poundbridge Witch or the like. True I'm sure you're not looking to be published but it will give a ense of how they try and get their ideas across about a world the reader will have no clue about beforehand.

Sandra