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The Last Battle

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by chosen_one386, Jul 11, 2007.

  1. chosen_one386

    chosen_one386 Angel of Chaos

    The Last Battle

    Well, here we are at the 5th and last installment of the Chosen One series! I can't believe it's been over a year since I started writing it and here we are at the end!

    This will be PG, just in case I decide to add some language or more blood or such. But, come on, it's the end of the world, there has to be blood and some swearing.

    So, here it is! The last Battle!




    The Last Battle

    Prologue



    A legend wrote long ago
    Buried deep as the winter snow
    The powers of the land and sea
    Fought a war, the reason being
    Started by the Shadow
    Ended by the One
    Once again this Great War has begun

    The power of the Chosen One inside the Crystal Orb
    The powers of the land and sea are hereby forewarned
    In the Great War, the end of the human race
    A great challenge the Aquapolians must face
    In the Great War, the Shadow will reign
    The blinding son through the pouring rain.

    The journey's just begun
    The challenges you must face
    Prepare O Chosen One
    For you must save the human race



    High up in Citadark Island, Greevil was plotting his reign over the world. He stood in a main control room where a huge globe hung from the ceiling in the middle. Earthquakes, hurricanes, and tidal waves dotted it all over. He smirked and passed a hand over a part of Europe. Immediately, a tidal wave swept over it and a number in the computer at the bottom increased.

    "It's about time for this war to end," he said to the large dark creature in the corner of the room.

    "Should I check on Groudon and Kyogre?" Shadow Lugia asked.

    "No, just stay here," Greevil turned to the globe and was deep in thought when Kirio and Marina walked in.

    "You called us sir?" Kirio asked.

    "Yes, I want you, Kirio, to go to the Cave of Origin and bring me back the Red, Blue, and Crystal Orbs."

    “But sir, at this stage in the Great War, the legendaries...”

    “Take this.” Greevil handed him a dark orb. “It will help you defeat any that get in your way.”

    Kirio nodded and he and Marina left. Greevil turned to Lugia. “It’s time I had a talk with the U.N.”



    Meanwhile, at the U.N. building, panic had ensued. The disasters were getting much worse and delegates were running around, talking on their phones to whoever was left in their country to talk to. The only two who were not in panic were sitting calmly, but still nervously, in the main meeting room. Cynthia and Wallace watched the panicking humans. This was only the second time Cynthia had been at the U.N. She was the head Elite 4 in Sinnoh and was going to replace Wallace as Champion of Southern Japan, but a last minute decision forced her to remain as an Elite 4. She had decided to come to the U.N. anyway.

    “Do you think we should tell them that it’s going to get worse?” Cynthia asked.

    Wallace shook his head and sighed. “We’re going to have to tell them sometime.”

    Finally, everyone calmed down just enough to begin the meeting. As soon as it was called to order, the French delegate jumped to his feet and turned to Cynthia and Wallace. Cynthia wasn’t used to the humans’ hostile attitude toward the Aquapolians, so she was surprised when he started to shout at them, but in particular, at Wallace.

    “Our country was nearly wiped out by a tidal wave today!” He shouted at the water-type, like he thought Wallace, being the element he was, could have prevented the disaster.

    The Spanish delegate sprang to her feet as well. “Our country WAS wiped out!”

    “Something must be done!” The Italian delegate shouted.

    Wallace stood up and said, “Just calm down. Things are going to get worse and it won’t help to panic.”

    The delegates started to murmur amongst themselves when the doors opened. Everyone swung to see who it was. Wallace turned to see Greevil, walking in and to the center of the room. A wave of fear flooded over the delegates in the room and Cynthia and Wallace looked warily from him to each other.

    Greevil smirked and said, “I am Greevil, the Shadow.” A look of terror swept across the humans and Wallace and Cynthia glared at him. “The time for the Great War to end has come! The end of the human race draws near!” The delegates started to panic.

    Wallace glared at him. “The Chosen One will stop you.”

    Greevil smirked. “That’s very unlikely. I will win this war.” He then disappeared.

    Wallace walked over to where he was and tried to calm everyone down. “The Chosen One will prevail. All of the elements of the legendaries are with her.”



    On the other side of the Earth, in the Crystal Chamber, the Red, Blue, and Crystal Orbs pulsed with energy. Arceus stood before them and studied the engraving of the Chosen One above them.

    “It’s time for my daughter to stop this war.”

    As he said this, the inscriptions on the walls started to glow and the roars of the legendaries started to shake the Cave of Origin. They were ready for the last battle.

    Arceus closed his eyes. “It’s time...”

    The roars got louder and the orbs grew brighter.

    “For the last battle.”




    And so it begins. Get ready for one wild ride! Chapter 1 up soon!
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2007
  2. John13wb

    John13wb Earthbound Hero

    Whoa, talking about one badass story. I give it 5 stars.
     
  3. duncan

    duncan Well-Known Member

    Yeah! The Last Battle! Let's see here, nice prologue. I love when a story starts in chaos, it always ends well (or should I say badly). And Arseus... Keep it up!
     
  4. ***Latios***

    ***Latios*** I FOUND THE KEYS!!!

    really good....
    i especiallly like the poem you made there!
     
  5. Simon Togetic

    Simon Togetic Rainbow Trainer

    Very good. I thought you'd tidal waved Britain then! But I'm sure my University has already been trashed anyway... :'(

    I hope you'll reveal what was so important about those runes Maxie found by the way! I haven't forgotten!

    Oh and I haven't failed to notice the total and utter lack of swordfights... but that's a trivial issue lol :D
     
  6. chosen_one386

    chosen_one386 Angel of Chaos

    John13wb: New reader! You do realize this is the end of a series, so you? Oh well, it doesn't matter if you start here. You can read this without reading the other four and be kind of confused, but still enjoy it. Thank you for reviewing!

    Duncan: Yes, chaos will be in huge supply in this fic.

    ***Latios*** Another new reader! The poem has been in every fic (except for the 4th one, I don't know why I forgot to put it in there) and is the legend of the Chosen One. I made it up a LONG time ago and can recite it by heart. Thank you for reviewing and if you want, read the other 4 while waiting for the next chapter!

    Simon: You're back! No, I just tidal waved a part of Europe. But, don't worry, Britain has had its share of disasters. Or, should you worry? I don't know... Oh, and you remembered the ruins! Well, their mystery will be revealed... But not so soon...

    And, a lack of swordfights? Um... Why would you want a sword when you can use lightning bolts or energy waves to fight? o_0

    Chapter 1 up soon! Wow, I'm getting a lot of readers!
     
  7. Nightmare the Scyther

    Nightmare the Scyther Altaria x Aerodactyl

    Wow...A huge globe thingy! I'd always loved those things...a flick of your wrist and another country down...but why Spain? Half of me comes from Spain! :p But really, I am half Spaniard...

    I knew Arceus was Kris's father! I knew it! Heh, poor Lugia...still a slave like this. I wonder if he'll be purified at the ending or something...

    “Our country was early wiped out by a tidal wave today!”

    I think "early" should be "nearly," according to what the Spanish lady said.
     
  8. John13wb

    John13wb Earthbound Hero

    Waiting for the next excellent chapter.



    BTW, if your bored, zip on over to my new fic, pokemon murderer(R)
     
  9. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    John13wb, don't spam up other people's threads to advertise your own fic.
     
  10. chosen_one386

    chosen_one386 Angel of Chaos

    Nightmare: Thanks for catching that! *fixes*

    Chapter 1 up soon!
     
  11. chosen_one386

    chosen_one386 Angel of Chaos

    No new news today... I'm sitting in the Augusta VA hospital waiting room and I am HUNGRY. Well, here's chapter 1!




    Chapter 1

    A Sixteenth Birthday to Remember



    It was a bright and sunny day in Ever Grande. I had decided to take a walk on the beach with Pikachu. The water was crystal clear. You couldn't even tell that the world was coming to an end. I looked out at the ocean and smiled weakly. The next day was my birthday; my sixteenth birthday. I felt slightly sad. It was bittersweet. Pikachu noticed this and decided to fix it.

    "Want to race?" She asked.

    I turned to her and nodded. "Okay, where to?"



    "I can't believe he just showed up like that," Wallace said. He and Maxie were walking down on of the halls in the Hall of Fame facing the sea. Wallace had told him of Greevil's appearance at the U.N. while he and Cynthia were there. Maxie looked out the window to where Pikachu and I were about to race. The past couple of weeks, he had thought about what he had learned in the secret passageway in the Cave of Origin and whether or not he should tell Kristal before the war ended.



    Pikachu and I had decided to race around the perimeter of Ever Grande (which is a very large distance) and end at the entrance to the Cave of Origin. We got into our starting positions and I glanced over at Pikachu. The last time we had raced, we were in Sinnoh and she had Volt Tackled me. I vowed that I would get far enough ahead of her before she could do that again.

    “1...” I started.

    “2...” she said.

    “3!” We were off! I took off flying so fast, that Pikachu had to wait until the sand had cleared out of her eyes before she could start. By then, I was zooming along at a high speed. Pikachu raced behind me, trying to pick up enough speed to overcome me. I weaved my way around shops and trees and shoppers, making sure not to hit any of them. Pikachu, however, couldn’t fly, so she had to dart around them, losing some of her speed. I reached the Cave of Origin seconds later and landed in front of the entrance. The ruins on the sides were pulsing with white energy. It wasn’t strange; the legendaries were just getting restless. I turned to see if Pikachu was catching up and ran smack into Cyrus. We both ended up on the ground.

    “I’m sorry!” I said as we both got to our feet. “Pikachu and I are racing and...”

    I was then that Pikachu appeared, slammed straight into me and caused both of us to slam into the wall of the Cave. I struggled to my feet and glared at Pikachu.

    “Sorry, it seems that I don’t have brakes,” she said.

    I sighed and Cyrus smiled. “My Raichu is the same way, trust me.”

    “Yeah... She’s just like her uncle.” Every Pikachu and Raichu that belonged to our family was related to each other in the same way as we are. For example, my mom and dad’s Raichu were my Pikachu’s parents. Unfortunately, when Greevil killed off the StarClan members, he also killed off their Raichu.

    “So, are you ready?” He asked. There was no question what he was talking about. The end of the war was big. Suddenly, I realized he wasn’t just asking that question to me, but he was asking it to himself as well. He had survived Greevil’s killing off of StarClan, but there was no doubt he wouldn’t live to see the very end of the war himself. I felt a pang of sympathy for him, forgetting all about my experiences I had with him in Sinnoh that summer.

    I nodded. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” While I was thinking back to last summer, I remembered what he had told me in the Temple of Dimension. He had said I looked nothing like my parents on Earth, but I looked a lot like my real parents. Then, I met Arceus and he looks a lot like me with the golden blond hair and Aquapolian crystal eyes. I decided I better ask Cyrus what he knew.

    “What do you know about Arceus?” I asked.

    He looked puzzled. “The King of the Legendaries? Well, not much exactly.”

    I sighed. Of course he probably didn’t remember anything that took place in the Temple of Dimension. At the time, he had been under the Shadow’s power. I decided not to tell him about my encounter with Arceus either.



    “Hey! Where’s Kris!?” Rachel asked Dawn, who was standing only a few feet away, blowing up a beach ball for her Piplup to play with.

    “I don’t know, ask Ash,” she said, tossing it into the air where it was promptly caught by Ash’s Pikachu.

    It was about 8:00 and the entire Legendary Team was gathered on the beach, surfing and playing volleyball. All 12 members were in their bathing suits and picnic table had been set up nearby. Brock was grilling food with the help of his Sudowoodo. Misty, Tory, and May were out in the ocean, participating in a surfing contest. Various Pokemon were hanging out, building sand castles and playing volleyball with their trainers. The only person who was missing was the person the party was for.

    “Hey Ash!” Rachel called to the electric-type. “Have you seen Kris anywhere?”

    “No! I was just about to go ask Maxie if he knows where she is!” He replied, running into the Hall of Fame.



    Maxie, Mars, and Cyrus were sitting in one of the lobbies facing the ocean. Mars and Cyrus were talking while Maxie was looking through the book. Ash walked in and asked Maxie where Kris was.

    He shook his head. “I haven’t seen her.”

    Ash sighed and went back out to the beach as Maxie still thought about the inscribed wall.



    I stood in front of the Red, Blue, and Crystal Orbs, thinking about the end of the war. It was all up to me to save the world. I was nervous. I had never felt such a huge burden before. Suddenly, I thought I saw Arceus’ reflection in the Crystal Orb. I swung around, but no one was there besides Pikachu, who wanted to get to the party. I sighed and said, “Let’s get back.”



    “I propose a toast for the leader of our team, a Frontier Brain, the Vice-Champion, and an 11 league winner... Kris!” Ash said, raising his can of Coke. Everyone followed suit and I blushed. We were all gathered around the picnic tables.

    “Thanks guys!”

    The sky had grown darker by then and everyone sat on the sand, talking. Ash and I sat off near the ocean by ourselves.

    Ash checked his Poketch. “You’ll be sixteen in 10 minutes.”

    I nodded, remaining silent.

    “You’ve accomplished a lot by now.”

    I laughed. “I guess I have.”

    “So...what about us?”

    “Uh, what?”

    “Are we cool?” He and I both liked each other a lot and during the past year had gotten together and broken up a lot. It was mainly because of my feelings for Aaron and my fear that history would repeat itself with Ash.

    I sighed. “Actually... I don’t know... I’m just... confused.”

    Ash sighed. “Yeah...and I guess you need to focus on the end of the war, too.” He looked sad.

    I nodded, gazing out over the moonlit ocean.



    Maxie looked up from the book and at the moon over the ocean. He turned to the clock on the wall. “It’s almost time for this war to end.”



    Kirio calmly strolled through the Cave of Origin, wondering why he had met no opposition so far from the legendaries. He glanced down at the dark orb he held in his hand, thinking it probably had to do with that fact.

    He stepped foot into the Crystal Chamber and checked his Poketch. It was almost midnight, He looked at the orbs, which were pulsating rapidly in time with the orb in his hand. Everything grew dark as a large black Pokemon appeared. It looked like a floating spirit and had somewhat of a red collar around its neck. It has a white mane flowing from its head and its eyes were blood red.

    Kirio started to shake and backed away from the creature. It’s sight and presence unnerved him as the Pokemon floated over to the Crystal Orb and grabbed it. It immediately turned dark as night.




    Finally, I finish chapter 1! I’ll be having surgery next Monday, so don’t expect me to update next week.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2007
  12. duncan

    duncan Well-Known Member

    Surgery? I hope it's nothing serious. Anyway, this was a good chapter. So Darkrai, huh? *wonders what Darkrai will do* Anyway, see you later!
     
  13. chosen_one386

    chosen_one386 Angel of Chaos

    Naw, it's just wisdom teeth removal. Nothing big.
     
  14. Nightmare the Scyther

    Nightmare the Scyther Altaria x Aerodactyl

    Methinks Darkrai shalls play the same role he did in the 10th movie. *PLOT SPOILER ALERT* They'll probably think he's evil or something, and it'll turn out that he's trying to help. That'd be cool...*pats Ash on back* Us girls need time, fella. Take it slow for a while. As for grammar, I picked out every mistake I found...and there were only three or four, depending on whether or not the second one was intentional...you've improved quite a bit since the beginning! I wonder what awesome mystery will pop up next.

    "I was a bright and sunny day in Ever Grande." ~...I was? Since when could Kris turn into weather? Has she perhaps transformed into a weather-controlling Dragonair or Castform for this chapter? :p "It" seems appropriate :p

    "I can't believe he just showed up like that," Wallace said. He and Maxie were walking down on of the halls in the Hall of Fame facing the sea. Wallace had told him of Greevil's appearance at the U.N. while he and Cynthia were there. ~...Of course, I don't know if this is intentional, but it seems a bit odd. I mean, Wallace is the one speaking, but after that it says that Wallace just told Maxie what happened. Maybe Maxie should have said that line? meh...>.>

    He looked puzzled. “The Kind of the Legendaries? Well, not much exactly.” ~...I know Arceus is kind, but I think you meant "king" :p

    As sighed and went back out to the beach as Maxie still thought about the inscribed wall. ~..."Ash" is his name, I think :p
     
  15. chosen_one386

    chosen_one386 Angel of Chaos

    Actually, *FIC SPOILER ALERT* why would Darkrai be trying to help when he just Shadowficated the Crystal Orb? No, Darkrai is DEFINANTLY not trying to help.

    I fixed all of the mistakes except for the one with Maxie and Wallace. I made Wallace say the line because Maxie would not be surprised that Greevil would show up at the U.N. (seeing as he's had his nose in a book with the world's knowledge in it for two years, he practically not surprised by anything now). Still, even after Wallace explained it to Maxie, Wallace was still in shock, even though Maxie is his usual calm self.

    Has NO ONE guessed what is on the wall yet? Well, you will find out, of course, sometime in this fic. *evil laugh* BUT NOT TODAY!!!

    Edit: OMG! I went up a rank! *does a little dance* It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, I am happy.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2007
  16. Nightmare the Scyther

    Nightmare the Scyther Altaria x Aerodactyl

    Oh, I didn't notice that :p By "it", I thought you meant the surroundings. But that wouldn't make sense, I guess since it's already dark inside a cave...meh. :p
     
  17. chosen_one386

    chosen_one386 Angel of Chaos

    A... Wha? I did not understand your post, Nightmare...

    I'm about halfway through chapter 2.
     
  18. Simon Togetic

    Simon Togetic Rainbow Trainer

    Can you remind me what fic the top-secret inscription apperared in?
     
  19. chosen_one386

    chosen_one386 Angel of Chaos

    The Powers of Land, Sea, and Sky. Yes, two fics ago... I kept the secret until the end. And I'm bursting to get it out.

    Chapter 2 is still halfway finished. But, unfortunately, it will probably not be done by my operation on Monday. I might be able to get on next week, but that's a big maybe.
     
  20. Leon Phelps

    Leon Phelps Don't Tread on Me

    Your main character is flat and devoid of any personality. And you wrote this in the first person perspective. We as the readers should be able to know what the character is thinking.

    And after all the times that I've given you advice you still haven't improved. Your writing suffers from a bad case of word repetition and redundancy. There is only so many times that you can say "slam" in the same battle scene before it gets annoying.

    Have you ever heard the phrase, "Show, don't tell"? Well that also applies to writing. When I read this what I pictured in my head was a badly animated montage. You missed out on a fine opportunity to illustrate some of your characters to the readers. Instead of saying, "Various Pokemon", you could have been more specific and detailed some of their habits and how they interact with their world. For example, if Brock was grilling food, maybe a Munchlax or some other greedy Pokemon would have been stockpiling food somewhere. This makes your characters more realistic and interesting. At the moment, all of them seem like Arceus crafted them from cardboard.

    Take your time. Do not crank out badly written rush jobs. One good chapter is infinitely better than a large number of lousy ones.
     

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