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The Legend's End

TheBlackDuelist

Well-Known Member
I'm here from the review game :) Let's get to it.

Now, since I haven't read your first chapter I have absolutely no idea what is going on xD That said, I can still review this baby.

- Opening (did it make you want to read onwards? Did it lack a hook? How so?)
- I believe that the opening scene with Jack looking through the library, acting like a Mighteyna. Definitely got me interested in finding out what exactly is he so jumpy and excited for. Although this was nice, for those who haven't seen the previous chapters, it wouldn't hurt to add in after a few chapters "The Story so far". This could greatly help keeping new readers up to par and so that they don't get confused half way there.

- Scene (what stood out to you in a particular scene? Was it good or bad? How so?)

- What stood out to me in this particular scene, was when Jack was getting picked up by the woman and started acting all nervous and shy. I'm usually a tough man but damn that got to me, made me even go awww for a moment. Fluffy is good, and is definitely an aspect of writing that most author's should learn how to perfect, and you sir have done it well. Especially for the woman the way she said her lines made it all the more convincing of her character.
“What's the matter, honey?” she cooed as she lifted him up from under his outstretched arms. Jack just pushed his face into her shoulder, certain that the person would still be looking at him. He heard his Mum apologise to the librarian before walking out the room and setting off down the stairs, all the while trying to get a peep out of her son.

Gets me every time :p
(Writing (too flowery? Too many adverbs? Too old fashioned for a high-school drama romance? Perfect match? How so?)
- Your writing style is quite readable and a breath of fresh air from the usual styles of writing that are posted here. You have great descriptions, and each of the character's lines sound perfect for their characters. I don't know how better to say it.

- Dialogue (how did it flow? Awkward? Didn't fit the age group that were speaking? Forced? How so?)
As I mentioned earlier, the dialogue was very well done, and it seems as if your chapters are sparking with improvement with every new one posted. I'm going to be quite blown out of my seat when I read your final chapter and compare it to your old work.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Sorry for how long this took to get around to.

Chapter 19
Research


Jack liked prowling through the library book shelves. It made him feel like a Mightyena on the hunt, peeking through a foliage of books, his feet padding gently on what he imagined was a carpet of moss and grass.

On all fours he crept along, feeling comforted by his proximity to the shelves and floor in the semi-abandoned library. He knew nobody could see him, purely because he was alone in this particular row. He knew his Mum was somewhere near the door on the other side of the room, probably in deep conversation, but he'd saw some other kids a bit older than him during his initial run through the place. He could just about hear them and, grinning in excitement, he began to crawl towards the source of low murmurs.
This is some great description to start out, very detailed and vivid. I feel like I should know Jack already, though, because you named him right away.

Occasionally rising to two legs, the boy slunk from one row of books to another before spotting the children – although he could see they were really more like teenagers – sitting at a table in a central location of the large library. The boy shuddered happily; he felt so secret, so skilful having crept up on these people unawares. With only half the side of his face poking around the edge of the shelf, he decided, like any good-natured six-year-old, to spy on them.

There were three of them: a boy whose face was hidden, immersed in a leather-bound book; beside him, a bored-looking girl reading a book off the table whilst balancing her head on her hand and tapping her fingers absent mindedly, and one other person next to her, staring right at Jack.
It's interesting that you're choosing to introduce the main characters into this chapter by using the eyes of a secondary bystander. I think that gives it a bit of a unique spin that makes it feel fresh.

The boy instantly snapped back behind the shelf, a cold bolt of shock quickly running through him. Recovering after a few seconds he looked around again, only to see the teen still looking at him.

Jack couldn't tell if it were a boy or a girl – its features seemed to blend from one gender to the other whilst looking completely normal. Very normal. Jack wondered if he would even have noted the person if it weren't for those scary, wide eyes that seemed to look right through him. Or that demonic, over-large grin plastered on its face.
Not sure whether to be laughing or terrified, and even though I know who it is from beta-ing the chapter, the creepiness factor is still effective on me. You did that scene well.

Jack didn't feel like a brave Mightyena any more. The person was scaring him. With just one look back, he ran through the room, book dashing past him until he was burying himself in his Mum's thigh.

“What's the matter, honey?” she cooed as she lifted him up from under his outstretched arms. Jack just pushed his face into her shoulder, certain that the person would still be looking at him. He heard his Mum apologise to the librarian before walking out the room and setting off down the stairs, all the while trying to get a peep out of her son.

Back at the chair, the 'person' looked longingly after the child.

“What a cute kid,” Celebi sighed.
Okay, now I had to laugh. Celebi's quite the amusing presence.

“Shh,” was all Edward replied as he eagerly flipped the page.

“Oh, shh yourself. When can we go?” Nuria moaned.

“Look,” Edward said with an ounce of frustration, pushing his book in front of her, “how about you look through the list and see who it could be?”
I missed the interactions these two had. It's always great to read a new chapter from you because of them.

Sighing, Nuria aligned the book and began to read.

“Ho-oh. Apparently brought other Legendaries back to life. Probably not the killer. Mew. Apparently created all life. Probably not the killer. Mewtwo and Genesect. Apparently made in labs years ago. Probably aren't the killers.

“Come on, stop with the sarcasm. Instead of who it isn't, who could it be?”

“Well,” Nuria said complacently, flicking to a page with a dark, malevolent illustration of a shadow with nightmarish eyes, “Darkrai looks iffy as hell to me.”

“We're not going to label someone as a mass murderer because they look 'iffy'.”

“Then why are we going to?” she said pointedly, snapping the book shut. She underlined the book title with her finger: “'Pokemon Myths and Legends'. Myths. Legends. Who knows how much of this is right or not? Speaking of which,” she flicked through it quickly, “look – 'Celebi, commonly referred to as 'The Voice of Ilex Forest', is rumoured to live in and protect this ancient-' - see? So we know most of this is a load of Ponyta poop.”
Maybe I'm screaming at windmills here, but why does this feel like a major hint to the killer's identity? Why do I suddenly get the feeling that Celebi could be the killer? That would be a hell of a twist...

“I liked Ilex,” Celebi said in wonder looking around the room with fascination.

“Speaking of which,” Nuria said, turning to Celebi, “can you drop the human thing. You're freaking me out and I swear you just scarred a little kid for life.”

Celebi pouted.

“But it's so fun being hidden so well. Nobody would suspect a human!”[/quote[

This comes off as tempting to see as foreshadowing too...

“But,” she said, passing the book back to an eager Edward, “nobody in a thousand miles would think you're really human.”

The librarian popped her head around a corner and hushed her at the same time as Edward did. She gave up and, out of complete boredom, lay her head on the table and covered herself with her hands.
Evidently that librarian doesn't see anything too suspicious about Celebi.

Edward flipped through the book for the umpteenth time. Moltres? In a Pokeball. And it didn't seem right that any of the other birds would be crazily evil. What about the dogs? No, that doesn't seem right either, Edward thought, one of a trio being different doesn't fit. Regigigas? No, that built the continents or something.

“Thoughts, Celebi?” Edward asked, frustrated.

“I fancy more candy floss,” it intoned, causing Nuria to knead her own head.

“No, about who the killer might be.”

“Oh. No clue. I've lived too long to remember such fine details about my past.”
I swear, I can so easily see this thing turning out to be evil.

“Like a whole bloody planet being annihilated?” Nuria seethed.

“Stuff like that happens all the time,” Celebi shrugged. “Worlds live, worlds die. But that candy floss...”

“I'd kill you if you weren't so immortal. And stop looking at me like that!”

“But you said you didn't like me being invisible.”

“But what I meant was-”

“Look,” Edward cut over, “how about you just tell us which Legends you think might be evil or not then we can leave.”

Celebi's human face strained in concentration.

“Well... Mewtwo always seemed... brisk when I invited it out...”
Mewtwo's too obvious, plus, unless you give it a new backstory it isn't exactly ancient.

“But Mew itself must have been a barrel of laughs,” Nuria commented sarcastically.

“Yes, actually – we once went to this fairground in the year-”
Wait, something just hit me, even though it doesn't have much to do with this line. This line just triggered it.

What if the "killer" is more than one creature?

Nuria jumped up suddenly.

“Eddy. We're leaving. I can't take this whiny god while feeling trapped in such a stupidly boring area.”
Is "whiny" really the best word to use? Celebi wasn't whining, really.

“Libraries aren't-” Edward started.

“Leaving.” Nuria pulled Edward up firmly. “Now.”

Sighing, Edward carefully collected up the book and his bag and headed over to the book take-out. After scanning the book and using his Pokedex to verify his identity, he received the receipt – the name of the book followed by 'Must return within 30 days'. Edward couldn't help but chuckle slightly. The world on the brink of apocalypse, and they still want their books back.
I like that little detail of using the Pokedex to verify one's identity. It's a neat little worldbuilding detail to see at a time like this.

And yeah, somehow I get the feeling the library won't be seeing that book again.

Edward shuffled hurriedly after Nuria and slowly followed behind her downstairs – Damn these ribs impose a dumb speed limit, he thought bitterly. He didn't bother looking back on Celebi; he knew it would pop up sooner or later.

“Last time I ever let you drag me in a library,” Nuria muttered.

They got to the ground floor: here the stacks and shelves shared space with the odd glass case exhibiting some oceanic wonder: although he wanted to stay and fawn over the remnants of the library's museum days, he sense Nuria might stab him with a book if he tried.
I'm not sure why you used a colon twice in this part, but I must apologize as I would have corrected it in the beta had I noticed it. A semicolon could go in the place of the first one, and the second one should be a period.

Soon they were out: the gloomy sky like a placard to the pair, as if shouting 'Get a move on'. Subconsciously taking the message in, they quickened their pace, turning right around the library and back towards the northward route.

It took a few awkward seconds for someone to break the silence.

“So,” Nuria said, “you got a plan for the electric gym?”

“It'll probably be a breeze if Mudkip evolves by then,” Edward replied, manoeuvring gently to get his Pokedex whilst inflicting minimal damage on his chest. After getting to the correct section, he enlarged the Mudkip diagram.
Just want to point out that I like how Edward's injury actually did not go away immediately. It continues to be relevant, which is good.

“This says he should have evolved by now,” Edward voiced frustratedly.

“Just give it a few levels,” Nuria encouraged. “You're lucky to have Nincada as it is: if neither evolve then you'll have at least one ground-type. I, on the other hand, am stuck with a water, grass and psychic type.” She looked over at Edward for a second. “The Gym Leader has a Magneton, right?”

“Magnezone,” Edward corrected whilst scrolling through his other Pokemon.
I think I like how you're playing levels a little loosely; overall, you've used them in a much better fashion than most writers.

Magnezone was a surprise.

“Darn,” she cursed, sinking into her own thoughts.

“You shouldn't worry either: Kirlia seems over-powered enough for anything.”

Nuria chuckled.

“I suppose. Speaking of Kirlia, guess what level she is?”

“Thirty.”

“Close: Twenty-nine. Soon” she gloated, “I shall have a fabulous Gardevoir.”
I can just visualize Nuria being smug here, and I really like it.

“Whatever,” Edward said as he put his Pokedex away. “And how are the rest doing?”

“Both at sixteen.”

“I'd cough 'favouritism' at you, but I don't think my ribs could take it,” Edward commented sarcastically as they approached the route.

“Hey, training Shellder, like, ten levels in one day isn't that bad, is it? He's getting along fairly well – barely scratched by any physical attack.”
This is a good, believable discussion about levels. Usually it can come off as awkward, but it feels like an ordinary, everyday concept to them.

“And Bayleef? Didn't that evolve at sixteen?” Edward thought for a second. “Hang on, when was the last time you actually used Bayleef?”

“Shall we go through the trees?” Nuria asked, completely ignoring Edward's question. They had just reached the threshold of the route, complete with the plethora of battling trainers. “You know, to avoid unwanted battles?”
"Didn't that evolve at sixteen" feels like a bit of a rude way for Edward to phrase that question. I can believe why he might be rude here, though.

Nuria's bringing up the proposal to avoid unwanted battles (and ignoring Edward in the process) is strange. Something is clearly up with her, because she was just talking about how Edward should train Mudkip to evolve.

“Sure,” Edward said off-handedly.

They took a sharp left and found a shaded opening in the trees far from the battling trainers – with any hope, Edward thought, they wouldn't be seen at all. However...

“How about you send out Kirlia?” Edward asked as the approached the trees. Edward realised that, whilst containing an easily-walkable track, the dense trees prevented much light getting in.

“Is poor Eddy afwaid of the dark?” Nuria taunted happily, though releasing Kirlia regardless.

“Shut-up,” was all Edward could offer in terms of a come-back. Nuria chuckled and followed Kirlia into the forest.
"as they approached the trees."

Edward and Nuria's interaction stands out again here, and it's nice to see Kirlia once more.

After perhaps half a minute of getting attuned to the light levels, Edward found there was enough room to walk beside Kirlia and Nuria.

“So how are your Pokemon doing?” Nuria asked as he walked up next to her.

“Mudkip and Nincada at eighteen and Zubat at fifteen. A little more... even than your spread.”

“Why don't you send out Nincada?” Nuria offered. Edward began to comply, but with slight hesitance. Did she sound excited?

“Why Nincada?” Edward asked as he took out his Pokeball from his pocket.

“I like Nincada. Is that such a bad thing?” Nuria asked,sounding slightly offended.
Hmm, this feels a little unusual for Nuria. Maybe my memory is just fuzzy, but something feels off about her liking Nincada this much. Maybe she's just being nicer than usual?

“No, no,” Edward said, holding his Pokeball out and tossing it gently. Before the ball rebounded to his hand, Nincada had formed, looking up at the three. Edward quickly looked over at Nuria; she seemed a little confused.

“Would you like to walk with us?” Edward asked awkwardly. Nincada nod was as awkward as Edward's question; obviously he was surprised to be invited just to 'walk'.
It is a bit surprising, but as I think about it, I guess I can see where it came from.

The now-foursome continued onwards, the group naturally splitting into Kirlia and Nincada at the front and Nuria and Edward trailing a bit behind. Nuria's pace slowed – obviously she expected Edward to do the same.

“That was weird,” she muttered under her breath so only Edward could hear.

“What? That you like Nincada?”

“Yeah... Not that there's anything I don't like about it, but...”

Nuria left the sentence hanging, focussing on the ground as she walked. Unable to find anything to say, Edward looked ahead to Kirlia and Nincada, wondering what must be going through their heads.
So she acknowledges that what happened is odd. That's good; maybe we'll get an explanation for it.

Nincada felt strange crawling beside the elegant psychic-type. Last time they had met, after all, they were about the same in terms of power and she seemed so shy. She seemed more bold now, and it was blatant who was the stronger one here; power almost radiated out of her.
This really painted a vivid picture for me. I like it.

“How are you?” Kirlia asked courteously. Nincada stiffened slightly. There it was again.

“Good,” he replied. They carried on walking for a while.

“How is training?” she asked just as kindly.

“Good,” he replied. He could feel the atmosphere tense.
The dialogue here is good, but I think you could do without the descriptors; ie the "they carried on walking for a while," "she asked just as kindly," "he could feel the atmosphere tense."

“Are you okay?” Kirlia asked, genuine concern in her voice. “You're not talking very much.”

Nincada looked away awkwardly.

“My brethren do not act in such ways...” Nincada muttered. Kirlia looked down sympathetically. Seconds passed as she thought.
Nice touch. I like that you keep in mind that these Pokemon are from different species and backgrounds, and accordingly give them differing customs and behavior.

“How are things with Edward?”

Nincada felt taken aback by the question. He'd never really thought about it before.

“Good,” he said, unsure.

“Care to elaborate?” Kirlia asked cheerily.

“What do you mean? We train, yes, and I get stronger. That is good, no?”

“But I mean, how do you get along? What does he say to you?”

Nincada thought for several moments.

“Fury Swipes, Dig, Harden-”
...This is true, and it really hit me when I realized that. This is a really good emotional bit, and you deliver it subtly instead of hitting readers over the head with it, which is another plus.

“No, no,” Kirlia interjected politely, “I mean, when you're not battling?”

“We... we don't.”

“Okay,” Kirlia responded, smiling happily. “So... do you still have that present?”

Nincada felt the well of affection build up in him for the second time.

“Yes, it lies beneath my back wing. I like present very much. Thank you.”
I'm trying to remember what the gift was, but I can't. Can you remind me?

Kirlia, being attuned to the insect's feelings, joined him in the surge of joy.

“I like you,” Kirlia said happily. Nincada tilted its head.
Ooh, I like this. Good job remembering the Kirlia family's abilities.

“Why? I have done nothing to make you like me. I did not think anyone liked me.”

Kirlia briefly thought of the childish, yet loveable, overzealous Mudkip, the uptight, solemn Zubat and...That ***** of a Bayleef.

“Because you're a nice person, silly. And why don't you think people like you?”

“Like... it is an alien concept amongst Nincada. We compete to survive. The first human I met chose me just because I was stronger than others. I fight the Pokemon I see. I'm not sure I know how to 'like'.”

“Well,” Kirlia said, less steadily, “do you like me?”

“Perhaps,” Nincada said, no emotion in his voice. “I think it so. Because you are kind. You don't fight me and we talk. I feel warm being with you. Is this 'liking'?”

Despite Nincada feeling no special emotions while saying this, Kirlia felt a tear form in one of her eyes.

“Yes,” she said quietly, careful not to let her voice tremble.

“That's nice,” Nincada said contentedly. “Does this make us... friends?”

“Of course!” Kirlia said, regaining her composure.

Nincada didn't talk for a few moments; instead he enjoyed the warm feeling flowing through him. He liked having a friend.

“Will we be friends forever?” Nincada asked curiously, his voice still lacking any emotion.

“Of course!” Kirlia smiled.

“...Promise?” Nincada said, when he suddenly realised how sad it would make him if he were to have no friends again. Without any meaning, longing had crept into his voice.

“Promise,” she confirmed happily.

And the duo walked on; one feeling some of the best emotions of his life, and the other marvelling at the joy radiating off the other.
This relationship already proves to be quite interesting. Seeing such a thing building up among two Pokemon is a nice surprise, and I'm left wondering where this will go, because it clearly is going somewhere.

That was a good chapter. It felt like it had the right amount of content, and everything seemed to flow nicely from scene to scene.
 
Last edited:

TheBlackDuelist

Well-Known Member
Ok I'm here from the Review game :) I'm about to kick things off :p since I already reviewed Chapter 19, I'll take a shot at 17.

After sluggishly getting dressed and popping to the toilet
Wait....he went to the toilet? That's a rare sight, seeing an author describe their OT's time in the dumps.

the news said, globally, roughly a million people have died.
The comma in front of said sounds a bit off when I read it out loud. Consider changing it to "the news said globally, that roughly a million people have died.

Am I really that self-centered now? That I only feel sad if something directly affects me or- NO!
I really like this sentence. I believe that it is one of Edward's most defining moments as he does not want to show weakness but feels as if he should mourn.

twp against Gym Leaders
That should be two :p

Edward agreed, nodding.
This sentence reads as awkward to me. Maybe "Edward agreed as he nodded his head?"

Out of the few things he and Nuria had agreed on in their childhood, their views on contests were the same. Stupid
Now I didn't expect this lol. Although, you have hinted several times in your past chapters that Edward and Nuria detest contests so I shouldn't be all that surprised.

Literally, a Ninetales somewhere in Orre used Sunny Day, and the intense heat that followed nearly hospitalised an entire city until the effect wore off.
I really wonder if this sentence has anything to do with Groundon and Kyogure...this got me thinking.

Some random scientists in Unova think that, without Kyogre or Groudon keeping balance, any weather effect has a comparably larger effect
Annnnd you just explained it roflmao.

Just before entering the entering
Oh Oh, we got a problem here.

we'll stand a better chance again the gym if we train more.
Against

Nincada – 16, Zubat – 13, Mudkip – 16. It should have evolved by now! Edward thought exasperatedly.
xD I remember when in the games I accidentally pressed the x button. Edward must be pretty mad about that.

Nincada little head's suddenly
Nincada's



I'll stop there and call it a rap. You've noticed a few minor grammar mistakes in your writing. With simple proof reading, I'm sure you could pin point all of the errors

I have to admit your story has gotten me quite interested in happening who was the one who killed Grou and Ky. Also, it is quite rare for me to find a story that takes place in Sinnoh, so kudo`s to you my bratha.
Edward has become one of my favourite characters. He sorta reminds me of myself, of how sometimes he feels he needs to cry, but just can`t the tears to do so. Also, Nuria's personality strikes me as the typical "smart mouthed hot head" but you've done it in a way that makes it enjoyable. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you Scav :)
 

Scaldaver

Limitless
Well, it's been several months, and I don't feel I want to disturb Dragonfree or The Great Butler after all this time, so I tried (and most probably failed hilariously) at proof-reading myself several times. It's been a while since my last burst of creativity, so hopefully there aren't too many problems.

Chapter 20
Intervention


Edward watched as Nincada and Kirlia walked ahead of them, talking quietly amongst themselves. What would they have to talk about? Edward thought, wondering when the last time they'd ever met was. During our battle? No, they didn't fight then... So, that night, then?

Losing interest in the thought, Edward looked at Nuria, who in turn was observing Nincada with a suspicious gaze.

“So, they seem to be getting along,” said Edward, indicating to the Pokemon before him.

“Yeah,” muttered Nuria absent-mindedly. After a few seconds, she said, “What's wrong with Nincada's wing?”

Edward couldn't see anything wrong at first, and it was only after a few seconds he noticed how one was bent slightly more than the other.

“Is that a stone lodged under it?” Edward asked Nuria.

“Perhaps,” she mumbled, now sounding disinterested.

Unsure of what to say, Edward looked around. They'd strayed further into the trees: he could no longer make out the path of battling trainers, with only far-off, indistinguishable cries indicating there was even anything there at all.

Now fairly bored, Edward began sliding his rucksack off, careful as not to place much too strain on his chest. As he reached in to take out the book on Legendaries, he hooked his foot on a root; suddenly Nuria's hand was on his chest, preventing his fall. Despite the sharp pain coursing across his chest, he quickly yelped 'Thanks!'.

“No problem,” Nuria said, taking his bag and sliding it onto her own shoulder along with her own. Edward smiled thankfully at her and began walking, flipping his book open to the glossary as he did.

“So, how do we even know all these Legendaries even exist?” Edward wondered out loud as he scanned the first page of names. Cartath, Heatran, Methilace, Lavan, Jirachi... throughout his life he'd heard of all of them, but where was the separator between truth and legend?

“I dunno,” Nuria drawled sarcastically, some playfulness returning to her voice, “if only we had a legendary of our own to consult....oh wait.”

Edward smirked and looked behind him. No Celebi, not even a shimmer.

“So,” he said slightly louder, “can we get some help figuring this out?”

No response.


“Celebi?” he called, turning his head.

Nothing.

“Good riddance,” Nuria remarked taking the book from Edward and reading through it herself.

“Where do you think it's gone?” Edward asked.

“1366? Space-Slateport? How am I supposed to know? It'll probably return when it decides to annoy us some more.”

“Well, alright then... and I suppose it would have brought it up if we mentioned a false Legendary at the library, right?,” Edward said uneasily, turning his attention back to the book in Nuria's hand. And if it forgets? I wouldn't put it past getting it having so much fun Arceus-knows-where that it completely forgets us.

“I dunno, Eddy, it seemed too distracted by the wonders of being human, don't you think?'

Edward grunted lazily in reply, frustrated he hadn't thought to ask the question earlier. It's a Legendary Pokemon for crying out loud, I shouldn't need to point out these little things!

After a few more minutes of walking and reading, something occurred to Edward.

“Hang on, you dodged that conversation earlier about Bayleef. What's with you and her?”

Nuria's silence hung in the air for a short while, her grip tightening on the book.

“It's nothing really. We just came to an agreement is all.”

Edward arched his eyebrows.

“Oookay. Care to elaborate, or...?” Nuria shifted uneasily, closing the book but keeping it in her hands.

“Back at Dewford – or at least what was left – I needed her to battle you so... well, you know, but she didn't want anything to do with that. I asked her if she wanted me to release her after-”

“Whoa! Seriously?” Edward couldn't believe what he was hearing. Nuria would have thrown away her starter Pokemon to prove a point to him?

“Shut-up,” she grumbled, “and let me finish. She was a bit peeved I was so willing to suggest that, but to be honest at the time I was angry with her and fairly wet and cold so I didn't really care. She told me that, despite hating me and all other humans, she still wanted to mature and grow stronger, and she reckoned that would only be possible if I took her around with me.

“But there was a catch. She said that, if I ever wanted to use her in a battle, right, I won't be able to issue commands, and have to let her decide how she battles.”

Nuria paused for a few seconds, as though consolidating all she just said.

“So?” Edward asked carefully. “It could have gone much worse.” Edward noticed her knuckles turn white as she now practically strangled the book.

'So?'? So I'll look like an idiot trainer who can't even control her starter. And you know how stupid Pokemon can be during battle: moves take up so much of their concentration they get confused if they use much more than four in a battle, so strategy isn't their strong point. And besides, would you trust the Pokemon who'd previously tried to skin an Archen?”

Edward couldn't find anything to say, but still he couldn't see what the big issue was. If Bayleef wanted a bit of freedom, so what? And if it got... rowdy again then wouldn't Nuria just be able to recall it? What's the big fuss about?

Feeling uncomfortable, Edward just looked ahead, noting that Kirlia was now almost marching ahead, viscously kicking small pebbles out of her way, to Nincada's obvious confusion.

Out of nowhere, a Houndoom clenched its teeth around Kirlia's body.

For a few seconds, absolutely nothing happened. Edward stopped, Nuria stopped, Nincada stopped, and even the Houndoom paused for a second. Kirlia's face was frozen in an image of confusion, trying to move the arms clamped to her sides.

Nincada was the first to react, jumping at the demon dog claws-first. Then Edward and Nuria were throwing their hands into their pockets, dragging out as many Pokeballs as possible and throwing them between themselves and the creature.

As four Pokemon materialised, the Houndoom snorted a thin shot of fire at Nincada, knocking it back to the ground.

“Dig!” Edward screeched, aware Nuria was also shouting but couldn't hear what. He shouted hurried orders and Mudkip and Zubat, and despite the orders being gibberish, the message was clear: help Kirlia.

Now Kirlia was screaming and thrashing, rivers of blood streaking from the area beneath Houndoom's maw. Edward could sense her panic like a homing beacon: the fangs were buried in her arms, literally pinning them to her body.

As Nincada disappeared below ground, Mudkip launched a jet of water at the dog, pushing it back slightly but obviously not doing much damage. Nincada flew in close to try a Wing Attack, but Shellder's Water Gun hit it in the back, propelling him into the Houndoom. Houndoom replied with a torrent of fire from its half-closed mouth, burning around Kirlia's body toward Zubat and Mudkip. Kirlia's scream intensified, but Houndoom brutally shook its head and Kirlia fell limp, its body bending over the sides of the jaws.

Beside him, Nuria fell to the ground.

Edward crouched down to her, ignoring the pain in his ribs, and saw how white her face had become. Her eyes, although closed,were red and puffy, and her lips were bleeding, from what appeared to be... teeth marks?Then he realised: just a second before, Nuria had been screaming alongside her Kirlia. In his shock, Edward couldn't even contemplate any meaning to this. He was now transfixed on the Houndoom as it let Kirlia fall, broken, to the ground and let out a loud howl.

Houndoom. Everywhere.

From all directions, at least ten of them bounded from the bushes and brambles into open view, each closing in on a separate target. Edward was pushed to the ground as something leapt into his back.

And now he was on the floor, his body oddly limp, the only indication of panic being his elated heartbeat. He heard the other Pokemon shriek in surprise and agony, but before he could look up, the hair on the back of his neck stood as he heard the deep, threatening growl inches from his skull. He couldn't think. He scrambled his arms to try and move, but the Houndoom pinned his arms to the ground. Choking back a dry sob, Edward felt every muscle in his body tense up and he waited for the inevitable.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

His heartbeat was now a constant hum, and that was all he could focus on. He didn't even feel the popping of his ears as the air pressure suddenly increased. Or the release of pressure as Houndoom leapt off of him. He didn't notice any of this, and only after curling up into a ball and rocking himself for half a minute did he realise that he was safe.

Surprised, he roughly wiped his bleary eyes with his sleeves and looked up. Bayleef, Zubat, Shellder, Mudkip, Zubat, Kirlia, even Nincada: all the Pokemon were on the floor, motionless save for the irregular spasms indicating painful breaths, covered in bloody gashes and charred skin.

How could this have happened? he wondered. Steadily he rose and immediately noticed Nuria had been lying behind him, with Celebi several feet above, looking intently into her face. She looked calmer now, her flesh returned to its original colour and her lips healed as though no blood had been shed there. In the instant upon seeing her, he also saw how her hand was stuck in her rucksack at an awkward angle, as though she had tried to pull something out.

“What-” Edward began, but the Legendary raised its arm, cutting him off. He quickly felt up and down his body: despite the ribs, he couldn't feel much damage. He realised with a start that he didn't even feel particularly bad – now the shock was wearing away, there was a strange calm in him.

Well, this can't really compare to nearly drowning and meeting a shed-load of Legendaries in less than a week.

Even through this rationale, Edward seemed surprised with his own steadiness as he recalled each of his Pokemon. I could have actually died, he thought, but even then there was no particular stab of panic. Am I in shock? Or just getting used to this?.

All his Pokemon now in their Pokeballs, he knelt to Nuria's abandoned Pokeballs and began to recall hers. As he picked up Kirlia's, however, Celebi swooped in front of him, pushing the ball out of his grip onto the ground.

“What-” Edward began again, but now Celebi used words to cut over him as it looked curiously between Nuria and Kirlia.

“Kirlia imprinted a psychic link with Nuria some time ago, probably unintentionally. In times of severe emotional output they'll both experience the same thing.”

Edward couldn't decide whether he felt more perturbed because of what he was hearing or how serious Celebi seemed to be acting. Then he realised.

“So, when Houndoom bit Kirlia-”

“Nuria experienced the pain too, yes. A human's pain threshold is vastly inferior to most Pokemon, and this attack nearly killed Kirlia. I've removed her memory of this to prevent severe shock symptoms.”

“And Kirlia?” Edward asked, his throat dry.

“Her body had shut down, but her mind remained active. I healed her most major wounds but she asked me not to take her memory. As a Pokemon she will be able to deal with the shock, but I'll keep my eye on her. Any more questions?”

Edward took a few deep breaths. Everything would be okay. Nuria and Kirlia were safe, as were he and the rest of the Pokemon. Something didn't make sense, however.

“Pokedexes are meant to scan the area for hostile Pokemon. What happened to that?”

Celebi replied without skipping a beat:

“Kirlia had been sensing the area using her psychic energy to scan all living life-forms. This psychic field distorts the space around her, thus distorting the electromagnetic field around each Pokedex which detects the hormones of aggressive Pokemon. As the Houndoom are genetically immune to psychic wavelengths, Kirlia could not sense them, so the Houndoom were a shock to everyone, most of all Kirlia.”

Edward closed his eyes, trying to make sense of it all.

“And where were you?”

From behind its back Celebi produced a small pink puff-ball.

“Candy floss?”

Edward groaned, kneading his head as he sank to a crossed-leg position.

“How is she now? Physically?”

“She's okay, but when she wakes up she'll be dazed and will want to know what happened.”

Edward considered the possibilities. Taking her to a Pokemon Centre or hospital would be suspicious, and there's definitely be an investigation. They might want to keep her longer for treatment... and if the Pokemon mention what's happening? Edward quickly scanned his memory, then bit his lip in frustration. How did I forget to tell Nincada not to tell anyone what was going on? What if he mentions Regice to a nurse? If we stay here though, they'd come back and-

“No, they won't. As long as they feel my presence, they won't come near us.”

Edward sighed, looking around for any place where they could shelter for a while.

Suddenly he was sitting in a small, cosy plain. The light was dim, the little light getting through the canopy having little to illuminate but the moss-strewn floor.

“We're not too far from where we were, don't worry,” Celebi muttered, still examining the space between Nuria and Ralts, each of whom had also appeared in the area. After a few seconds, the Legendary looked at Edward.

“Okay, recall Kirlia now.” As Edward raised Kirlia's Pokeball, Edward could have sworn he saw Kirlia begin to try and stand.

“So,” Celebi said, its previous enthusiasm returning, “what do you want to do now?”

Edward lay back on the moss, wondering what he was even supposed to be thinking at a time like this. I could have died. But I didn't. But Nuria got hurt. But now she's okay. He tucked his hands under his head. There's something wrong with me, he decided finally.

Edward turned to his side, and as he did he rolled onto the book of Legendaries. Picking it up and flicking it open, he held it up for Celebi to see.

“You mind going through this with me and telling me who's real and who isn't?”

Celebi bit its lip, as though considering all the other fun stuff it could go and have throughout the entirety of the past.

“Okay,” it said reluctantly, and hovered over to lie on the moss next to Edward. Looking over to Nuria again, he passed the book to Celebi (who had the mass of candy floss held between its front teeth) and crawled the short distance over to her.

What were you trying to get? Edward wondered, gently sliding the bag off her arm. With only a few of the contents spilling out, the bag came off relatively easily.

Edward's heart leapt momentarily as he realised the gun in Nuria's hand was now facing him square in the chest.

In a flash he rolled out of the way, and, after catching his breath slightly and rubbing his protesting ribs, gently uncurled Nuria's fingers from around the weapon, letting it fall. Arms shaking, he awkwardly picked it up, making sure his fingers were completely clear of the trigger.

Seeing it clearly in the light for the first time, Edward pondered over where she could have got it. A shop? No, probably not. Her Mum? Well... could she have been the sort? Edward bit his lip as he thought of Nuria's affectionate, kindly Mum, and wondered exactly how far she might have gone in the name of self defence.

Gingerly replacing the weapon, face down, in her rucksack, Edward exhaled and crawled back over to Celebi, leaving the bag halfway between them.

“So, found any fakes?” Edward asked as he rolled onto his back next to the deity. Celebi nodded and smiled, flipping back to the glossary page.

“Yep, though I'm not sure about some.”

“Not sure?” Edward asked, intending for there to be incredulity in his voice, but instead was just monotonous.

“Poor memory. Most I know for certain do exist, so why don't we just go through them?”

“Sure,” Edward said, his interest starting to build slightly. Despite knowing he'd have to battle whatever really existed in this book, he could never pass up on learning more about the Legendary Pokemon he'd loved to research as he grew up.

“So,” Celebi said, nestling into the moss to make itself comfortable, carefully balancing the ball of candy floss on its little belly, “where do you want to start?”


 
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Dragonfree

Just me
Great to see you're still going.

I don't have the time for a very detailed review right now, but I'll comment on some stuff that stuck out.

Overall you seem to have done a pretty decent job of proofreading, although I'm assuming the italics tags weren't part of that since at least two or three of them have some kind of typo in them.

It seemed a little off to me that Edward notices a stone stuck under Nincada's wing but then forgets about it (after all, it could hurt him), but then again it sounds like Kirlia has some kind of psychic scheme going on here and she may just have diverted his attention away, as she's clearly done with Nuria.

You have a double paragraph break in one spot early on; it should be easy to find.

I'm not sure why Nuria doesn't just release Bayleef anyway if the terms of their agreement are completely unacceptable to her - it's not as if Bayleef could force her to train her if she doesn't want to. Having Bayleef clearly isn't doing Nuria any good if she refuses to ever use her, so releasing just seems like a better option for everyone.

It seems a bit weird how first Edward's reaction to the Houndoom is kind of over-the-top - curling into a ball and crying for a minute without noticing the Houndoom is gone seems especially melodramatic - but then afterwards he seems completely unfazed and assumes he's just gotten used to his life being in danger, which is not at all what his reaction during indicates. I guess Celebi may have been messing with his emotions, but either way it's weird for him to think he's getting used to it when just earlier he was reacting really badly. Unless Celebi erased his memory of it too and he didn't even notice?

As the Houndoom are genetically immune to psychic wavelengths, Kirlia could not sense them, so the Houndoom were a shock to everyone, least of all Kirlia.
"Least of all" is only used when you're describing something in the negative - so you could use it if you had e.g. "so nobody noticed the Houndoom, least of all Kirlia." As it is, since you're saying the Houndoom were a shock to everyone, you'd have to use something like "especially Kirlia".

Taking her to a Pokemon Centre or hospital would be suspicious, and there's definitely be an investigation.
Why, though? They didn't do anything wrong - they were just walking around with a Kirlia without realizing it was disrupting the Pokédex's wild Pokémon scan function. Then they could just say the Houndoom were scared off somehow but they didn't get to see what it was that scared them. It's hardly implausible or suspicious that some good samaritan wild Pokémon with a type advantage could have happened upon the scene, for instance. Even if it seems odd, I can't see any reason anyone would investigate them because of this - nothing bad happened that they could be held responsible for.

I really like that Nuria was reaching for the gun, and still enjoy just how much its existence freaks out Edward.

Gingerly replace it carefully, face down, in her rucksack, Edward exhaled and crawled back over to Celebi, leaving the bag halfway between them.
That should be "replacing", although having two "-ing" clauses in the same sentence is a bit awkward do I'd reword it somehow. "Gingerly replacing it carefully" is also both awkward and redundant.

Right now the Houndoom encounter seems a bit out of nowhere, but it's fine if it has consequences that matter as the story goes on - I was just expecting Kirlia to have died or something but the way Celebi describes it it ultimately did no lasting harm to anyone, and being that right now there doesn't seem to be a relevant reason this happened it should be pretty well connected on the other side.
 

Scaldaver

Limitless
Thanks for the mini - review, Dragonfree! I'll edit the errors you pointed out, and try to better explain what I was thinking in each case. To save you having to read it again, here's what I meant to say in some of the cases:

1) I meant for Edward's change in dealing with the panic afterwards as having been changed so severely: the shock of being attacked by Houndoom made him panic in a way most people would, I presume, but after he finds it weird that there's little long-lasting impact.

2) I feel Edward would feel any investigation focused on him or Nuria with even the slightest possibility of him being detained would be pretty bad, all things considered.

As for Nuria's logic for not wanting to be without her starter, I guess I kinda assumed people would think Nuria wouldn't want to be without her starter. Then again, as with all these points, I've never been very good at gauging the thoughts of other people. Thanks so much for helping this become clearer, and thanks for pointing out the grammar errors!

EDIT: You were right on the melodrama of his initial reaction: I decided to tone it down (even though I reference it earlier in his head, the facts that he had endured worse was for some reason not at the forefront of my mind). Thanks!
 
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Scaldaver

Limitless
Well, here's another chapter right off the bat to compensate for the wait! I hope you all like this one: it's been building in my head for a while and I thought now was the best time to give it my all!

Chapter 21
Legends


Edward locked onto the first name he saw.

“Lavan.”

“Nope – doesn't exist, I don't think. From what I recall, the people of Johto came up with it inadvertently after changing the legend of Heatran.”

“So Heatran exists, then?”

“Yes – it spends most of its time living in volcanically active areas, though Sinnoh appears to be its most regular residence.”

“Okay.” Edward felt himself getting excited: I'm the only human alive to know this! This is so cool!

“Now,” Edward said, trying to keep his composure professional, “how about... Ho-oh?”

Celebi scrunched its eye-lids shut in concentration, passed the book to Edward and put its little paws over its face. Edward held the book above both of them and began scanning the index.

“Y...eeees. I think. No, wait, yeah I'm sure. It exists, and like to live around.... um...”

“Ecruteak City?” Edward asked, having eagerly flipped onto Ho-oh's section in the book. It's artwork at the top of the page was poorly defined but brimming with bright tones of gold, red and orange, giving Edward an indication of where its plumage lay.

“Yes! That's it! And another one... I think you call it Lugio?”

“Lugia,” Edward said, looking at the page opposite Ho-oh's. The two nicely juxtaposed each other: whereas the Ho-oh section was light, bright and inscribed with golden text, the Lugia section was darker, yet comfortingly so with quiet shades of grey and silver brimming the borders, the text itself in reflective silver.

“Man, you're good. Lugia prefers life under water, so that may be pretty difficult to track. Ho-oh also like high places in general, to that at least narrows down the areas we might find it.”

“Hey, why does Lugia live underwater when it's a psychic and flying-type?”

Celebi snorted, removing its paws from its face and looking over up to the book.

“Types are moot when it comes to Ancients. Technically, the concept of types is just a human classification system, and supposed weaknesses and strengths are just shared attributes. It would be more accurate to label Ancients as 'Every single type'.”

“So, they're super weak to rock-type Pokemon?” Edward replied sarcastically, remembering the small bit of trivia from school. Celebi giggled slightly.

“Good one. No, they're not really 'weak' to anything – even Ancients find it hard to do serious damage to one another.”

Edwards excitement froze when he momentarily considered the implications of the strength of the killer, but this melted back into enthusiasm as he flipped the page.

“Ooh – what about Trenta – the one who grew all the world's plants?” The page was covered with dense variations of green at the top and spider-web thin, intricate pathways of brown roots at the bottom, the text changing from brown to green to remain visible. Edward recalled the figure shown as an image he used in a school presentation when he was younger: a Pokemon looking like a great bush, a ring of roots and vines pushing out of the ground in a circle around it, waving them impressively as the great bush-creature bared a jaw of thorns and bristles, there being no eyes or other recognisable figures.

“No,” Celebi said bluntly, its eyes scanning the page intently. “From what I remember, that one was made up when a group of villagers saw a... I can't remember its name, but it looks like a tree. It's been a while since I've seen one.”

“Oh,” Edward said, frowning slightly. He raised his finger to point to the next page, but Celebi shook its head.

“Sandarvarkin isn't real either. I've no clue what inspired this, except for old hikers warning people to stay on guard in deserts.”

Edward turned the page, onto where Nuria had found Darkrai, with Cresselia on the adjacent page. Edward noted the new/full moon theme, but couldn't help agree with Nuria when she had said Darkrai looked 'iffy'. And that is without even factoring in the nightmare aspect! How could anything natural look so evil?

“Yep! Definitely, I've known them for ages. Oddly enough most of the stories are true here: Darkrai feeds off the fear of sleeping people, and Cresselia feeds off their security.”

“Hang on, if they're Legendaries, why do they need to feed?” Celebi shrugged.

“Why do I like sweets? Cos they taste nice! You're right, we don't technically need to eat, but it's still a pleasure to eat and drink.”

“So, is there a specific place they like to stay?” Edward mentally prayed Darkrai lived far, far away and Cresselia was just around the corner.

“No,” Celebi said, sounding frustrated. “Darkrai darts around from place to place, whereas Cresselia has a few places she likes more than others. But with this killer on the loose, I suppose they could move anywhere.”

“Wait, 'she?” Edward turned his head to Celebi. “I thought you were all genderless.”

Celebi's paws flew to its cheeks and tried to muffle its laughter; Edward was given the impression of a young teenager giggling at something rude. It quickly composed itself, however, and explained with a wry smile.

“Ancients are just the last of their kind, remember? Of course they have genders – most just forget them after a while. Cresselia clearly remembers being a female, and some, like Heatran, constantly forget which one it is.”

Edward began to nod, then registered all of what the Legendary had casually just revealed.

“Wait, what?!” Edward remarked incredulously, shifting a little away from the little Legendary to look at it fully. Celebi looked confused.

“What? Oh, haven't I told you yet? Sorry, I thought that would have been one of the first things I would have mentioned! Yeah, Ancients – well, at least the small-scale ones – haven't been around forever. Planets form in their own course, then life, and when a world gains sufficient variety of sentient life Arceus gives power to a select few Pokemon, who have their power increased to the point of immortality. As a result they outlive their fellow species, surviving so long they eventually forget all about this.”

Edward couldn't fully comprehend what he was hearing. This is massive! Why does it speak of this as though it's common knowledge?

“Okay... could you explain further?” Edward said as he ran these breath-taking new facts over in him mind again.

“How so?” Celebi asked innocently, nibbling some more at the diminished candy floss.

“Well... why does Arceus do this? And didn't it go to sleep after making the universe, so how would it even do this?”

“Ah, missed out another bit. You see, whereas it's Arceus who actually deals with mortal stuff, God Himself is the one who fell asleep. Remember, God created an entire universe: even in a comatose state He is able to observe and act in the universe, but in doing so has to thoroughly condense His power into a single being to effectively bear some of His consciousness.” The book jutted out of Edwards hands slightly higher into the air, the pages fluttering wildly until settling on a large, two-page exposition entitles 'Arceus'. The borders consisted of pure, white clouds, allowing only a little golden light through. In the centre, across both pages, stood Arceus looking upward, the shining sun behind it.

“This is the vessel it uses to observe and alter the world, containing a fraction of God's true power. You call this being Arceus.

“Regarding the need for Ancients: it's just the compartmentalisation of jobs; give each planet its own balancing system so He needn't bother look over them.”

Celebi paused. Edward found himself out of breath. This literally disproves every religion and everything we knew about the universe. Still, Edward didn't feel as...insignificant as he expected. I know the beginning of the universe... shouldn't I feel... humbled or something?

Steadying his breaths, he explored the feeling rising in his chest. Fear? No, not quite. Excitement? he realised, and suddenly he was grinning from ear to ear, barely able to control himself. This is so awesome! It's true – these bed-time stories are really true.

Edward looked around, the world bathed in a new, magical light he hadn't seen since he'd left for his adventure, before learning about the killer, the Legendaries and the planet's imminent destruction. Knowing that there was something out there... a God that could help... wait a second...

“Where's Arceus, then?” Edward asked, the feeling ebbing slightly. “If it has all this power and the ability to meddle with the lives a planet's population, where is it?”

“The universe is a big place: trust me, I've seen it. And God made it so Arceus has to obey the laws of the universe in a more... linear fashion. Although its power greatly surpasses even mine, it cannot time-travel as I can, restricting it to regular movement. And terrible things happen all over the place, not to mention Arceus follows the philosophy of 'everything runs its course'.”

“So... would it help?” he asked, leaning towards Celebi. The Legendary shrugged.

“No clue. I've asked it many times regarding the killer – it never gave a straight answer.”

“Okay,” Edward said, slightly deflated but still relatively earnest, “but how do Legendaries become Legendaries? Is it an over-night thing, or...?”

Celebi turned to Edward, a smile playing on its lips.

“You're really getting into this aren't you?”

“I love Legendary Pokemon stories – people in Hoenn are brought up on quite a few, and they've always been an interest for me.” Edward briefly recalled the years before a computer screen, feeling frustrated there was no exact proof of most of the legends.

“Hmm.” Celebi's smile began to widen. “Well, in that case, I guess I just have to show you.”

Before Edward could respond, Celebi planted its little paw on his forehead, and suddenly the world was left far behind.

The sky was infused with a chaotic mix of ash and cloud, lit with dark shades of orange and brown. Below, a sea shore stretched far into the distance, as far as Edward could see. The land itself sloped down from the highest visible point: a colossal, smoking volcano, impossibly tall and ludicrously thick. From here the land gradually, seamlessly, dissolved into sand, then shot steeply below the waves: a submerged cliff-face. Thin and thick rivers of lava oozed down the volcano's side, solidifying rapidly as they met the water, throwing a dense cloud of steam into the air. But weirder than this landscape were the creatures inhabiting it.

Their skin less violently red, their size vastly inferior, their features less sharp, Edward at first couldn't recognise the creatures scurrying about the land. A sense of recognition rang in his head, but it wasn't until he saw one, lying in a lava stream, did he realise for certain.

Groudons. Hundreds of them. Confusion quickly turned into ecstasy as he looked down upon the civilisation of the Legendaries. Looking closer, he saw smaller creatures, not dissimilar to their giant counterparts, densely surrounding the occasional Groudon. Although their features were far smoother and they scuttled about on four legs, there was no denying the link between them. No way...

“So, are they-”

“Yes,” Celebi intoned, obviously out to impress, “they are the stage of minor evolution before the Groudon stage.”

“Minor?” Edward asked off-handedly, too busy marvelling over the sight to focus on the answer.

“As in the quick-form of what humans call evolution, as opposed to the major, much longer form. And, if you like that, try focusing on the water...”

Edward made to turn, but realised with a start he had no body to turn with. In fact, he realised how his entire field of vision stretched completely around him, yet not disorientating him. Celebi, whom Edward noticed was also not there, appeared to latch onto his surprise.

“Oh yeah, I constructed a consciousness-sphere to take us back – it's be much simpler than constructing a time gate to constantly transport your respiratory requirements.”

Edward subconsciously attempted to inhale, finding it completely impossible. Now it was starting to get disorientating.

“Just focus on the water and I promise, you'll forget about it,” Celebi's voice promised excitedly. Shifting his attention to the tumultuous ocean, Edward saw what it had meant.

Although he had never seen a real one to compare it with, Edward could appreciate merely by artist interpretations how these Kyogres differed from the one in his time. Their fins were smaller proportional to their bodies, which were thinner and less hydrodynamic, and the ribbons he had seen in many a book upon the end of end of Kyogre's tail were merely thick lumps of flesh. They too were surrounded by smaller creatures, but, with great surprise, Edward found himself recognising these all too well. They were bigger than he'd seen at the aquariums, and their fins were far less elegant, but Edward knew for a fact they had to be Finneon.

“How?” was all the dumbfounded Edward could say. Sure, he'd noted, along a few in his classmates, the similarities between the depiction of Kyogre and Finneon, but he'd never actually thought...

Celebi's voice seemed delighted.

“I knew you'd love that! Over time, the species you see here today evolved – major, long-term evolution, mind you – to your current Finneon and Lumineon: a simple by-product of natural selection.”

Edward couldn't believe it. How could an entire species of Legendaries.... well, Legendary templates, not thrive?

“You'll see,” Celebi said mischievously, and the world around Edward was rammed into high gear. The clouds, the sea, the forests of the land – they all shifted rapidly, rising and receding, encroaching and retreating. The creatures went faster as well, but Edward somehow found himself able to latch onto patterns in their movement, something Edward immediately suspected Celebi to be behind.

As the Groudon and their young would die, other Groudon would drag them into the ocean, where the Kyogre and their young would feast on the remains. Similarly, Edward noticed when the occasional Kyogre and Finneon would die and rise to the surface, the waves pushing them to the sea shore, where the Groudon civilisation would prey upon them. A symbiotic relationship, Edward realised, recalling the phrase from his lessons in forest life.

He also noticed that, despite the lava solidifying on the ocean, the land mass never increased: as rock built up, various Kyogre would come along to erode the wall, keeping the underwater cliff-face completely smooth. But why would they... of course: to keep the colonies close enough to co-exist! Otherwise the land would expand so much the Kyogre would be too far away! Celebi grunted in appreciation, confirming Edward to be right. Edward knew that if he could still feel his body, he'd be grinning wildly.

He could also make out longer overall changes: how the sky appeared to clear, the sky becoming blue-er and the clouds turning whiter. And how gradually, almost imperceptibly, the number of Groudon and Kyogre seemed to decline.

Looking closely, he noticed that, in the case of the Groudon, they merely began dying quicker and in greater frequency. The Kyogre were dying off quicker as well, but where a Kyogre died a smaller one would take its place, then a smaller, then a smaller. Whereas the Groudon were merely dying, The Kyogre were... evolving.

And, at the point where the sky was a perfect shade of blue, the heavens split in two.

Above the land the sun's intensity slowly increased, baking the land beneath and causing the local plant-life to shrivel and die.. Above the water, increasingly thick and dark clouds began to form, the rain becoming more frequent until there was only permanent deluge. Edward remembered the type and intensity of the rain well, it having caused global destruction only recently in his time-line.

Then Edward noticed a constant – a single Kyogre and Groudon in their respective zones, growing, living, surviving longer than the rest of its species. And suddenly, as the last of the imperfect Groudons died off and the newly-formed Lumineons had left for better waters, there were only two.

With no fellows to keep them rooted, Groudon and Kyogre moved apart: Groudon across the vast land regions of the super-continent upon which it lived, Kyogre through in impossibly deep and cavernous oceans. Somehow Edward found he was able to focus on both, despite their great distance from one another, but he was to captivated by what he was watching to bring attention to this.

It became apparent over time that the newly-formed Legendaries discovered their powers over their respective elements: bit by bit Kyogre found it could swallow up the land to expand its territory to its will, whereas Groudon could lift region-sized land masses from the ocean floor. In each instance Edward saw how life immediately sunk into the new areas – alien looking Pokemon who he knew to be ancestors to his familiar modern-day ones colonising their new living spaces as they moved throughout the world.

With the inevitable momentum of a train, over what could have been centuries, the two Legendaries inched closer and closer to one another.

Time returned to its normal pace, the waves lapping slowly over sun-dried earth, the rain a deafening furor above the ocean but only the sound of wind blowing through the dying, heat-exhausted plant life on the land.

Each of the Legends looked confused, the sight of the other weather condition stumping it. Edward noticed how there was no sense of familiarity between the two: any instinct of symbiosis with the other creature had obviously evaporated long ago.

Curiously, Groudon lifted a small area of land for it to walk across into the deluge, which was immediately swamped by a tidal wave. The red titan snapped its gaze to its blue counterpart, recognising it as its defier. The world stood still for the shortest of moments, then all hell broke loose.

Suddenly he was back on the forest floor, gasping for breath as his body began to sweat with the pure adrenaline rush. That was so awesome! was all he could think for a while.

“Take me back! I need to see the rest!” Edward half-shouted a minute later at the Legendary looking at him contentedly. Reluctantly, Celebi shook its head.

“Sorry, but your mind's a delicate thing. Looking for too long at what happened... I've got to say, it's one of my favourite moments in Earth's history, but the power each of them gave off nearly destroyed the thing. The mere radiation they gave off could fry your brain, and not even I could prevent the shock to your system.”

Edward expected to feel frustrated, but could only lean back and reminisce, not wanting to forget a single detail. He closed his eyes, replaying the events in his mind over and over, finding himself laughing with awe at some of the more impressive feats or interesting details. They were gods! Edward thought appreciatively.

And, muttered the darkest crevice of his mind, you have to beat the thing which killed them.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Well, it's been several months, and I don't feel I want to disturb Dragonfree or The Great Butler after all this time, so I tried (and most probably failed hilariously) at proof-reading myself several times. It's been a while since my last burst of creativity, so hopefully there aren't too many problems.
I owe you an apology for taking so long to get to this review. I'm sorry.

Chapter 20
Intervention


Edward watched as Nincada and Kirlia walked ahead of them, talking quietly amongst themselves. What would they have to talk about? Edward thought, wondering when the last time they'd ever met was. During our battle? No, they didn't fight then... So, that night, then?

Losing interest in the thought, Edward looked at Nuria, who in turn was observing Nincada with a suspicious gaze.

“So, they seem to be getting along,” said Edward, indicating to the Pokemon before him.
It's interesting that you're giving the Pokemon such personality and interaction with each other. Not a lot of fics do that. I like Edward's thoughts about their interaction as well.

“Yeah,” muttered Nuria absent-mindedly. After a few seconds, she said, “What's wrong with Nincada's wing?”

Edward couldn't see anything wrong at first, and it was only after a few seconds he noticed how one was bent slightly more than the other.

“Is that a stone lodged under it?” Edward asked Nuria.

“Perhaps,” she mumbled, now sounding disinterested.
Huh, I'm kind of surprised they're not paying such a thing more mind.

Unsure of what to say, Edward looked around. They'd strayed further into the trees: he could no longer make out the path of battling trainers, with only far-off, indistinguishable cries indicating there was even anything there at all.

Now fairly bored, Edward began sliding his rucksack off, careful as not to place much too strain on his chest. As he reached in to take out the book on Legendaries, he hooked his foot on a root; suddenly Nuria's hand was on his chest, preventing his fall. Despite the sharp pain coursing across his chest, he quickly yelped 'Thanks!'.

“No problem,” Nuria said, taking his bag and sliding it onto her own shoulder along with her own. Edward smiled thankfully at her and began walking, flipping his book open to the glossary as he did.
I like how they have each others' backs like this.

“So, how do we even know all these Legendaries even exist?” Edward wondered out loud as he scanned the first page of names. Cartath, Heatran, Methilace, Lavan, Jirachi... throughout his life he'd heard of all of them, but where was the separator between truth and legend?
Nice touch mixing in some fictitious Pokemon. It helps make the whole mystery surrounding the Legendaries work more.

“I dunno,” Nuria drawled sarcastically, some playfulness returning to her voice, “if only we had a legendary of our own to consult....oh wait.”

Edward smirked and looked behind him. No Celebi, not even a shimmer.

“So,” he said slightly louder, “can we get some help figuring this out?”

No response.


“Celebi?” he called, turning his head.

Nothing.

“Good riddance,” Nuria remarked taking the book from Edward and reading through it herself.
Figures Celebi would disappear when they need it most.

“Where do you think it's gone?” Edward asked.

“1366? Space-Slateport? How am I supposed to know? It'll probably return when it decides to annoy us some more.”
I laughed at that one.

“Well, alright then... and I suppose it would have brought it up if we mentioned a false Legendary at the library, right?,” Edward said uneasily, turning his attention back to the book in Nuria's hand. And if it forgets? I wouldn't put it past getting it having so much fun Arceus-knows-where that it completely forgets us.

“I dunno, Eddy, it seemed too distracted by the wonders of being human, don't you think?'
I would like to see more on the topic of how Pokemon would feel about being human, it's a curious subject.

Edward grunted lazily in reply, frustrated he hadn't thought to ask the question earlier. It's a Legendary Pokemon for crying out loud, I shouldn't need to point out these little things!

After a few more minutes of walking and reading, something occurred to Edward.

“Hang on, you dodged that conversation earlier about Bayleef. What's with you and her?”

Nuria's silence hung in the air for a short while, her grip tightening on the book.

“It's nothing really. We just came to an agreement is all.”

Edward arched his eyebrows.

“Oookay. Care to elaborate, or...?” Nuria shifted uneasily, closing the book but keeping it in her hands.

“Back at Dewford – or at least what was left – I needed her to battle you so... well, you know, but she didn't want anything to do with that. I asked her if she wanted me to release her after-”

“Whoa! Seriously?” Edward couldn't believe what he was hearing. Nuria would have thrown away her starter Pokemon to prove a point to him?
At first I wasn't sure if I thought Edward's impression was right, but then I thought about it and I realized Nuria probably would go to great lengths to prove a point to him.

“Shut-up,” she grumbled, “and let me finish. She was a bit peeved I was so willing to suggest that, but to be honest at the time I was angry with her and fairly wet and cold so I didn't really care. She told me that, despite hating me and all other humans, she still wanted to mature and grow stronger, and she reckoned that would only be possible if I took her around with me.

“But there was a catch. She said that, if I ever wanted to use her in a battle, right, I won't be able to issue commands, and have to let her decide how she battles.”

Nuria paused for a few seconds, as though consolidating all she just said.
There's no need for a hyphen in "shut up."

I'm glad Nuria is recapping this information, since it's been so long since I read the previous chapters.

“So?” Edward asked carefully. “It could have gone much worse.” Edward noticed her knuckles turn white as she now practically strangled the book.

'So?'? So I'll look like an idiot trainer who can't even control her starter. And you know how stupid Pokemon can be during battle: moves take up so much of their concentration they get confused if they use much more than four in a battle, so strategy isn't their strong point. And besides, would you trust the Pokemon who'd previously tried to skin an Archen?”
I can really feel Nuria's point of view here.

Edward couldn't find anything to say, but still he couldn't see what the big issue was. If Bayleef wanted a bit of freedom, so what? And if it got... rowdy again then wouldn't Nuria just be able to recall it? What's the big fuss about?

Feeling uncomfortable, Edward just looked ahead, noting that Kirlia was now almost marching ahead, viscously kicking small pebbles out of her way, to Nincada's obvious confusion.
"viciously", not viscously.

Out of nowhere, a Houndoom clenched its teeth around Kirlia's body.
This isn't a bad twist, however, it comes too much out of nowhere and it needs a lot more description around it to be effective.

For a few seconds, absolutely nothing happened. Edward stopped, Nuria stopped, Nincada stopped, and even the Houndoom paused for a second. Kirlia's face was frozen in an image of confusion, trying to move the arms clamped to her sides.
I think you should try to cut down on the amount of "stopped" and its synonyms, but then again, this sentence really isn't bad. It does get the point across.

Nincada was the first to react, jumping at the demon dog claws-first. Then Edward and Nuria were throwing their hands into their pockets, dragging out as many Pokeballs as possible and throwing them between themselves and the creature.

As four Pokemon materialised, the Houndoom snorted a thin shot of fire at Nincada, knocking it back to the ground.
This is a bit better. The imagery is clear, and I can see this scene with all of its intensity. Well done.

“Dig!” Edward screeched, aware Nuria was also shouting but couldn't hear what. He shouted hurried orders and Mudkip and Zubat, and despite the orders being gibberish, the message was clear: help Kirlia.

Now Kirlia was screaming and thrashing, rivers of blood streaking from the area beneath Houndoom's maw. Edward could sense her panic like a homing beacon: the fangs were buried in her arms, literally pinning them to her body.
Now this is quite a vivid visual, befitting of the scene. I think you could probably change that colon to a semicolon, though.

As Nincada disappeared below ground, Mudkip launched a jet of water at the dog, pushing it back slightly but obviously not doing much damage. Nincada flew in close to try a Wing Attack, but Shellder's Water Gun hit it in the back, propelling him into the Houndoom. Houndoom replied with a torrent of fire from its half-closed mouth, burning around Kirlia's body toward Zubat and Mudkip. Kirlia's scream intensified, but Houndoom brutally shook its head and Kirlia fell limp, its body bending over the sides of the jaws.

Beside him, Nuria fell to the ground.

Edward crouched down to her, ignoring the pain in his ribs, and saw how white her face had become. Her eyes, although closed,were red and puffy, and her lips were bleeding, from what appeared to be... teeth marks?Then he realised: just a second before, Nuria had been screaming alongside her Kirlia. In his shock, Edward couldn't even contemplate any meaning to this. He was now transfixed on the Houndoom as it let Kirlia fall, broken, to the ground and let out a loud howl.
Wow, this is really intense, well done. I can feel and see everything that's going on. Excellent touch with Nuria experiencing the same pain that Kirlia is, too.

Houndoom. Everywhere.

From all directions, at least ten of them bounded from the bushes and brambles into open view, each closing in on a separate target. Edward was pushed to the ground as something leapt into his back.

And now he was on the floor, his body oddly limp, the only indication of panic being his elated heartbeat. He heard the other Pokemon shriek in surprise and agony, but before he could look up, the hair on the back of his neck stood as he heard the deep, threatening growl inches from his skull. He couldn't think. He scrambled his arms to try and move, but the Houndoom pinned his arms to the ground. Choking back a dry sob, Edward felt every muscle in his body tense up and he waited for the inevitable.
"Ground" is a better word to use than "floor" considering they're outdoors. Considering the later paragraph describes Houndoom as leaping off of his back, you should say "leapt onto," not leapt into.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

His heartbeat was now a constant hum, and that was all he could focus on. He didn't even feel the popping of his ears as the air pressure suddenly increased. Or the release of pressure as Houndoom leapt off of him. He didn't notice any of this, and only after curling up into a ball and rocking himself for half a minute did he realise that he was safe.
That was intense. My heart was pounding right up to the end of it.

Surprised, he roughly wiped his bleary eyes with his sleeves and looked up. Bayleef, Zubat, Shellder, Mudkip, Zubat, Kirlia, even Nincada: all the Pokemon were on the floor, motionless save for the irregular spasms indicating painful breaths, covered in bloody gashes and charred skin.

How could this have happened? he wondered. Steadily he rose and immediately noticed Nuria had been lying behind him, with Celebi several feet above, looking intently into her face. She looked calmer now, her flesh returned to its original colour and her lips healed as though no blood had been shed there. In the instant upon seeing her, he also saw how her hand was stuck in her rucksack at an awkward angle, as though she had tried to pull something out.
I'm assuming Celebi drove off the Houndoom, but I'd like you to explain a bit further, because Houndoom are partially Dark-type and thus immune to Psychic-type moves.

“What-” Edward began, but the Legendary raised its arm, cutting him off. He quickly felt up and down his body: despite the ribs, he couldn't feel much damage. He realised with a start that he didn't even feel particularly bad – now the shock was wearing away, there was a strange calm in him.

Well, this can't really compare to nearly drowning and meeting a shed-load of Legendaries in less than a week.

Even through this rationale, Edward seemed surprised with his own steadiness as he recalled each of his Pokemon. I could have actually died, he thought, but even then there was no particular stab of panic. Am I in shock? Or just getting used to this?.
Why is "died" outside of the italics tags? If anything, I'd think it should be within them.

All his Pokemon now in their Pokeballs, he knelt to Nuria's abandoned Pokeballs and began to recall hers. As he picked up Kirlia's, however, Celebi swooped in front of him, pushing the ball out of his grip onto the ground.

“What-” Edward began again, but now Celebi used words to cut over him as it looked curiously between Nuria and Kirlia.

“Kirlia imprinted a psychic link with Nuria some time ago, probably unintentionally. In times of severe emotional output they'll both experience the same thing.”

Edward couldn't decide whether he felt more perturbed because of what he was hearing or how serious Celebi seemed to be acting. Then he realised.

“So, when Houndoom bit Kirlia-”

“Nuria experienced the pain too, yes. A human's pain threshold is vastly inferior to most Pokemon, and this attack nearly killed Kirlia. I've removed her memory of this to prevent severe shock symptoms.”
Hmm. Celebi simply erasing Nuria's memories feels a bit convenient, so I hope you intend to explore the whole idea of lost memories a bit more in the future.

“And Kirlia?” Edward asked, his throat dry.

“Her body had shut down, but her mind remained active. I healed her most major wounds but she asked me not to take her memory. As a Pokemon she will be able to deal with the shock, but I'll keep my eye on her. Any more questions?”

Edward took a few deep breaths. Everything would be okay. Nuria and Kirlia were safe, as were he and the rest of the Pokemon. Something didn't make sense, however.

“Pokedexes are meant to scan the area for hostile Pokemon. What happened to that?”

Celebi replied without skipping a beat:

“Kirlia had been sensing the area using her psychic energy to scan all living life-forms. This psychic field distorts the space around her, thus distorting the electromagnetic field around each Pokedex which detects the hormones of aggressive Pokemon. As the Houndoom are genetically immune to psychic wavelengths, Kirlia could not sense them, so the Houndoom were a shock to everyone, most of all Kirlia.”
Ah, you did remember that Houndoom are immune to Psychic-type moves. How did Celebi drive them off exactly, then?

Edward closed his eyes, trying to make sense of it all.

“And where were you?”

From behind its back Celebi produced a small pink puff-ball.

“Candy floss?”
Oh God, Celebi, never change.

Edward groaned, kneading his head as he sank to a crossed-leg position.

“How is she now? Physically?”

“She's okay, but when she wakes up she'll be dazed and will want to know what happened.”

Edward considered the possibilities. Taking her to a Pokemon Centre or hospital would be suspicious, and there's definitely be an investigation. They might want to keep her longer for treatment... and if the Pokemon mention what's happening? Edward quickly scanned his memory, then bit his lip in frustration. How did I forget to tell Nincada not to tell anyone what was going on? What if he mentions Regice to a nurse? If we stay here though, they'd come back and-
I give you credit for having Edward think through his actions. A lot of times characters in such situations will just make rash decisions.

“No, they won't. As long as they feel my presence, they won't come near us.”
Is that why they left?

Edward sighed, looking around for any place where they could shelter for a while.

Suddenly he was sitting in a small, cosy plain. The light was dim, the little light getting through the canopy having little to illuminate but the moss-strewn floor.

“We're not too far from where we were, don't worry,” Celebi muttered, still examining the space between Nuria and Ralts, each of whom had also appeared in the area. After a few seconds, the Legendary looked at Edward.
Did Celebi teleport them?

“Okay, recall Kirlia now.” As Edward raised Kirlia's Pokeball, Edward could have sworn he saw Kirlia begin to try and stand.

“So,” Celebi said, its previous enthusiasm returning, “what do you want to do now?”

Edward lay back on the moss, wondering what he was even supposed to be thinking at a time like this. I could have died. But I didn't. But Nuria got hurt. But now she's okay. He tucked his hands under his head. There's something wrong with me, he decided finally.
I wonder what that something might be.

Edward turned to his side, and as he did he rolled onto the book of Legendaries. Picking it up and flicking it open, he held it up for Celebi to see.

“You mind going through this with me and telling me who's real and who isn't?”

Celebi bit its lip, as though considering all the other fun stuff it could go and have throughout the entirety of the past.

“Okay,” it said reluctantly, and hovered over to lie on the moss next to Edward. Looking over to Nuria again, he passed the book to Celebi (who had the mass of candy floss held between its front teeth) and crawled the short distance over to her.

What were you trying to get? Edward wondered, gently sliding the bag off her arm. With only a few of the contents spilling out, the bag came off relatively easily.

Edward's heart leapt momentarily as he realised the gun in Nuria's hand was now facing him square in the chest.
Well that was quite startling. It doesn't surprise me that Nuria would have been going for the gun, though. She's the type who would shoot her way out if she had no other choice.

In a flash he rolled out of the way, and, after catching his breath slightly and rubbing his protesting ribs, gently uncurled Nuria's fingers from around the weapon, letting it fall. Arms shaking, he awkwardly picked it up, making sure his fingers were completely clear of the trigger.

Seeing it clearly in the light for the first time, Edward pondered over where she could have got it. A shop? No, probably not. Her Mum? Well... could she have been the sort? Edward bit his lip as he thought of Nuria's affectionate, kindly Mum, and wondered exactly how far she might have gone in the name of self defence.
I think I'd guess the "Nuria's mom" explanation, myself.

Gingerly replacing the weapon, face down, in her rucksack, Edward exhaled and crawled back over to Celebi, leaving the bag halfway between them.

“So, found any fakes?” Edward asked as he rolled onto his back next to the deity. Celebi nodded and smiled, flipping back to the glossary page.

“Yep, though I'm not sure about some.”

“Not sure?” Edward asked, intending for there to be incredulity in his voice, but instead was just monotonous.

“Poor memory. Most I know for certain do exist, so why don't we just go through them?”

“Sure,” Edward said, his interest starting to build slightly. Despite knowing he'd have to battle whatever really existed in this book, he could never pass up on learning more about the Legendary Pokemon he'd loved to research as he grew up.

“So,” Celebi said, nestling into the moss to make itself comfortable, carefully balancing the ball of candy floss on its little belly, “where do you want to start?”


Nice ending.

Overall, a good chapter. My main criticism is that the description is a little lacking, leading to parts that either come out of nowhere (the arrival of the first Houndoom) or feel a bit confusing (the teleportation part.) That's easy to fix, however.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Well, here's another chapter right off the bat to compensate for the wait! I hope you all like this one: it's been building in my head for a while and I thought now was the best time to give it my all!

Chapter 21
Legends


Edward locked onto the first name he saw.

“Lavan.”

“Nope – doesn't exist, I don't think. From what I recall, the people of Johto came up with it inadvertently after changing the legend of Heatran.”
Oh, that's clever. I like it.

“So Heatran exists, then?”

“Yes – it spends most of its time living in volcanically active areas, though Sinnoh appears to be its most regular residence.”
Nice way to incorporate Heatran's appearance in Unova.

“Okay.” Edward felt himself getting excited: I'm the only human alive to know this! This is so cool!
Is he really the only living person to know that? I find it a little hard to believe.

“Now,” Edward said, trying to keep his composure professional, “how about... Ho-oh?”

Celebi scrunched its eye-lids shut in concentration, passed the book to Edward and put its little paws over its face. Edward held the book above both of them and began scanning the index.

“Y...eeees. I think. No, wait, yeah I'm sure. It exists, and like to live around.... um...”
I think Celebi is messing with Edward here. Considering that Ho-oh is a Johto legend, I would think that he would know about it.

“Ecruteak City?” Edward asked, having eagerly flipped onto Ho-oh's section in the book. It's artwork at the top of the page was poorly defined but brimming with bright tones of gold, red and orange, giving Edward an indication of where its plumage lay.

“Yes! That's it! And another one... I think you call it Lugio?”

“Lugia,” Edward said, looking at the page opposite Ho-oh's. The two nicely juxtaposed each other: whereas the Ho-oh section was light, bright and inscribed with golden text, the Lugia section was darker, yet comfortingly so with quiet shades of grey and silver brimming the borders, the text itself in reflective silver.
I really believe Celebi is messing with him. I think there is something Celebi is withholding from him.

“Man, you're good. Lugia prefers life under water, so that may be pretty difficult to track. Ho-oh also like high places in general, to that at least narrows down the areas we might find it.”

“Hey, why does Lugia live underwater when it's a psychic and flying-type?”

Celebi snorted, removing its paws from its face and looking over up to the book.

“Types are moot when it comes to Ancients. Technically, the concept of types is just a human classification system, and supposed weaknesses and strengths are just shared attributes. It would be more accurate to label Ancients as 'Every single type'.”
That's clever, I like it.

“So, they're super weak to rock-type Pokemon?” Edward replied sarcastically, remembering the small bit of trivia from school. Celebi giggled slightly.
Aha, nice Celebi.

“Good one. No, they're not really 'weak' to anything – even Ancients find it hard to do serious damage to one another.”
That makes sense.

Edwards excitement froze when he momentarily considered the implications of the strength of the killer, but this melted back into enthusiasm as he flipped the page.
Missing an apostrophe in "Edward's."

“Ooh – what about Trenta – the one who grew all the world's plants?” The page was covered with dense variations of green at the top and spider-web thin, intricate pathways of brown roots at the bottom, the text changing from brown to green to remain visible. Edward recalled the figure shown as an image he used in a school presentation when he was younger: a Pokemon looking like a great bush, a ring of roots and vines pushing out of the ground in a circle around it, waving them impressively as the great bush-creature bared a jaw of thorns and bristles, there being no eyes or other recognisable figures.

“No,” Celebi said bluntly, its eyes scanning the page intently. “From what I remember, that one was made up when a group of villagers saw a... I can't remember its name, but it looks like a tree. It's been a while since I've seen one.”
Trevenant?

I like how creative you're being with these false myth Pokemon. Taking existing Pokemon with distinctive looks and modifying them into mythological figures is very in line with how a myth can get started in real life.

“Oh,” Edward said, frowning slightly. He raised his finger to point to the next page, but Celebi shook its head.

“Sandarvarkin isn't real either. I've no clue what inspired this, except for old hikers warning people to stay on guard in deserts.”

Edward turned the page, onto where Nuria had found Darkrai, with Cresselia on the adjacent page. Edward noted the new/full moon theme, but couldn't help agree with Nuria when she had said Darkrai looked 'iffy'. And that is without even factoring in the nightmare aspect! How could anything natural look so evil?

“Yep! Definitely, I've known them for ages. Oddly enough most of the stories are true here: Darkrai feeds off the fear of sleeping people, and Cresselia feeds off their security.”
Edward and Nuria's thoughts on Darkrai are believable. I can see people having doubts about Darkrai's validity based on its appearance.

“Hang on, if they're Legendaries, why do they need to feed?” Celebi shrugged.

“Why do I like sweets? Cos they taste nice! You're right, we don't technically need to eat, but it's still a pleasure to eat and drink.”
I kind of thought Celebi was flaking out on Edward again, but he actually did answer the question, which was a pleasant surprise.

“So, is there a specific place they like to stay?” Edward mentally prayed Darkrai lived far, far away and Cresselia was just around the corner.

“No,” Celebi said, sounding frustrated. “Darkrai darts around from place to place, whereas Cresselia has a few places she likes more than others. But with this killer on the loose, I suppose they could move anywhere.”
Wouldn't it be the opposite? Darkrai is only found in one place so far in the games (Newmoon Island) while Cresselia is a roaming Pokemon that starts on Fullmoon Island in Sinnoh, then also appears in Unova.

“Wait, 'she?” Edward turned his head to Celebi. “I thought you were all genderless.”

Celebi's paws flew to its cheeks and tried to muffle its laughter; Edward was given the impression of a young teenager giggling at something rude. It quickly composed itself, however, and explained with a wry smile.

“Ancients are just the last of their kind, remember? Of course they have genders – most just forget them after a while. Cresselia clearly remembers being a female, and some, like Heatran, constantly forget which one it is.”
I suppose that's as good an explanation as any as to why some Legendaries have genders and others don't.

Edward began to nod, then registered all of what the Legendary had casually just revealed.

“Wait, what?!” Edward remarked incredulously, shifting a little away from the little Legendary to look at it fully. Celebi looked confused.

“What? Oh, haven't I told you yet? Sorry, I thought that would have been one of the first things I would have mentioned! Yeah, Ancients – well, at least the small-scale ones – haven't been around forever. Planets form in their own course, then life, and when a world gains sufficient variety of sentient life Arceus gives power to a select few Pokemon, who have their power increased to the point of immortality. As a result they outlive their fellow species, surviving so long they eventually forget all about this.”

Edward couldn't fully comprehend what he was hearing. This is massive! Why does it speak of this as though it's common knowledge?
Because to Celebi, it is common knowledge, I'd say.

“Okay... could you explain further?” Edward said as he ran these breath-taking new facts over in him mind again.

“How so?” Celebi asked innocently, nibbling some more at the diminished candy floss.

“Well... why does Arceus do this? And didn't it go to sleep after making the universe, so how would it even do this?”

“Ah, missed out another bit. You see, whereas it's Arceus who actually deals with mortal stuff, God Himself is the one who fell asleep. Remember, God created an entire universe: even in a comatose state He is able to observe and act in the universe, but in doing so has to thoroughly condense His power into a single being to effectively bear some of His consciousness.” The book jutted out of Edwards hands slightly higher into the air, the pages fluttering wildly until settling on a large, two-page exposition entitles 'Arceus'. The borders consisted of pure, white clouds, allowing only a little golden light through. In the centre, across both pages, stood Arceus looking upward, the shining sun behind it.
"Entitled," not "entitles."

And this is a great explanation for why Arceus is not necessarily the highest being in the universe that still keeps its story from the games intact.

“This is the vessel it uses to observe and alter the world, containing a fraction of God's true power. You call this being Arceus.

“Regarding the need for Ancients: it's just the compartmentalisation of jobs; give each planet its own balancing system so He needn't bother look over them.”

Celebi paused. Edward found himself out of breath. This literally disproves every religion and everything we knew about the universe. Still, Edward didn't feel as...insignificant as he expected. I know the beginning of the universe... shouldn't I feel... humbled or something?

Steadying his breaths, he explored the feeling rising in his chest. Fear? No, not quite. Excitement? he realised, and suddenly he was grinning from ear to ear, barely able to control himself. This is so awesome! It's true – these bed-time stories are really true.
I'm not sure, but doesn't the fact that there are bedtime stories about what Celebi told him contradict his earlier claim that "every religion and everything we knew about the universe" is disproven? I think I would change that line to say "this disproves every scientific theory about the universe! Those bedtime stories are really true!"

Edward looked around, the world bathed in a new, magical light he hadn't seen since he'd left for his adventure, before learning about the killer, the Legendaries and the planet's imminent destruction. Knowing that there was something out there... a God that could help... wait a second...

“Where's Arceus, then?” Edward asked, the feeling ebbing slightly. “If it has all this power and the ability to meddle with the lives a planet's population, where is it?”

“The universe is a big place: trust me, I've seen it. And God made it so Arceus has to obey the laws of the universe in a more... linear fashion. Although its power greatly surpasses even mine, it cannot time-travel as I can, restricting it to regular movement. And terrible things happen all over the place, not to mention Arceus follows the philosophy of 'everything runs its course'.”

“So... would it help?” he asked, leaning towards Celebi. The Legendary shrugged.

“No clue. I've asked it many times regarding the killer – it never gave a straight answer.”
I wonder if it knows even though it's not helping. I kind of expect Arceus to have a role later on. Who knows, maybe Arceus even is the killer... I could see it happening.

“Okay,” Edward said, slightly deflated but still relatively earnest, “but how do Legendaries become Legendaries? Is it an over-night thing, or...?”

Celebi turned to Edward, a smile playing on its lips.

“You're really getting into this aren't you?”

“I love Legendary Pokemon stories – people in Hoenn are brought up on quite a few, and they've always been an interest for me.” Edward briefly recalled the years before a computer screen, feeling frustrated there was no exact proof of most of the legends.
This could make for an interesting piece of Edward's backstory to continue pursuing, his interest in Legendaries and their myths.

“Hmm.” Celebi's smile began to widen. “Well, in that case, I guess I just have to show you.”

Before Edward could respond, Celebi planted its little paw on his forehead, and suddenly the world was left far behind.

The sky was infused with a chaotic mix of ash and cloud, lit with dark shades of orange and brown. Below, a sea shore stretched far into the distance, as far as Edward could see. The land itself sloped down from the highest visible point: a colossal, smoking volcano, impossibly tall and ludicrously thick. From here the land gradually, seamlessly, dissolved into sand, then shot steeply below the waves: a submerged cliff-face. Thin and thick rivers of lava oozed down the volcano's side, solidifying rapidly as they met the water, throwing a dense cloud of steam into the air. But weirder than this landscape were the creatures inhabiting it.
Great description, but you could probably cut "thin and thick" for the sake of being more streamlined.

Their skin less violently red, their size vastly inferior, their features less sharp, Edward at first couldn't recognise the creatures scurrying about the land. A sense of recognition rang in his head, but it wasn't until he saw one, lying in a lava stream, did he realise for certain.

Groudons. Hundreds of them. Confusion quickly turned into ecstasy as he looked down upon the civilisation of the Legendaries. Looking closer, he saw smaller creatures, not dissimilar to their giant counterparts, densely surrounding the occasional Groudon. Although their features were far smoother and they scuttled about on four legs, there was no denying the link between them. No way...

“So, are they-”

“Yes,” Celebi intoned, obviously out to impress, “they are the stage of minor evolution before the Groudon stage.”
Oh wow, I love this. Very vivid and imaginative.

“Minor?” Edward asked off-handedly, too busy marvelling over the sight to focus on the answer.

“As in the quick-form of what humans call evolution, as opposed to the major, much longer form. And, if you like that, try focusing on the water...”

Edward made to turn, but realised with a start he had no body to turn with. In fact, he realised how his entire field of vision stretched completely around him, yet not disorientating him. Celebi, whom Edward noticed was also not there, appeared to latch onto his surprise.

“Oh yeah, I constructed a consciousness-sphere to take us back – it's be much simpler than constructing a time gate to constantly transport your respiratory requirements.”

Edward subconsciously attempted to inhale, finding it completely impossible. Now it was starting to get disorientating.
I can't blame him, it sounds disorienting.

“Just focus on the water and I promise, you'll forget about it,” Celebi's voice promised excitedly. Shifting his attention to the tumultuous ocean, Edward saw what it had meant.

Although he had never seen a real one to compare it with, Edward could appreciate merely by artist interpretations how these Kyogres differed from the one in his time. Their fins were smaller proportional to their bodies, which were thinner and less hydrodynamic, and the ribbons he had seen in many a book upon the end of end of Kyogre's tail were merely thick lumps of flesh. They too were surrounded by smaller creatures, but, with great surprise, Edward found himself recognising these all too well. They were bigger than he'd seen at the aquariums, and their fins were far less elegant, but Edward knew for a fact they had to be Finneon.

“How?” was all the dumbfounded Edward could say. Sure, he'd noted, along a few in his classmates, the similarities between the depiction of Kyogre and Finneon, but he'd never actually thought...

Celebi's voice seemed delighted.

“I knew you'd love that! Over time, the species you see here today evolved – major, long-term evolution, mind you – to your current Finneon and Lumineon: a simple by-product of natural selection.”
Huh, interesting that you'd bring in natural selection and evolution. I like it, and it's a good theory.

Edward couldn't believe it. How could an entire species of Legendaries.... well, Legendary templates, not thrive?

“You'll see,” Celebi said mischievously, and the world around Edward was rammed into high gear. The clouds, the sea, the forests of the land – they all shifted rapidly, rising and receding, encroaching and retreating. The creatures went faster as well, but Edward somehow found himself able to latch onto patterns in their movement, something Edward immediately suspected Celebi to be behind.

As the Groudon and their young would die, other Groudon would drag them into the ocean, where the Kyogre and their young would feast on the remains. Similarly, Edward noticed when the occasional Kyogre and Finneon would die and rise to the surface, the waves pushing them to the sea shore, where the Groudon civilisation would prey upon them. A symbiotic relationship, Edward realised, recalling the phrase from his lessons in forest life.
That is very, very clever. I never would have imagined such a symbiotic relationship between them.

He also noticed that, despite the lava solidifying on the ocean, the land mass never increased: as rock built up, various Kyogre would come along to erode the wall, keeping the underwater cliff-face completely smooth. But why would they... of course: to keep the colonies close enough to co-exist! Otherwise the land would expand so much the Kyogre would be too far away! Celebi grunted in appreciation, confirming Edward to be right. Edward knew that if he could still feel his body, he'd be grinning wildly.

He could also make out longer overall changes: how the sky appeared to clear, the sky becoming blue-er and the clouds turning whiter. And how gradually, almost imperceptibly, the number of Groudon and Kyogre seemed to decline.

Looking closely, he noticed that, in the case of the Groudon, they merely began dying quicker and in greater frequency. The Kyogre were dying off quicker as well, but where a Kyogre died a smaller one would take its place, then a smaller, then a smaller. Whereas the Groudon were merely dying, The Kyogre were... evolving.
I assume this is what ultimately led to the Groudon VS. Kyogre clash?

And, at the point where the sky was a perfect shade of blue, the heavens split in two.

Above the land the sun's intensity slowly increased, baking the land beneath and causing the local plant-life to shrivel and die.. Above the water, increasingly thick and dark clouds began to form, the rain becoming more frequent until there was only permanent deluge. Edward remembered the type and intensity of the rain well, it having caused global destruction only recently in his time-line.

Then Edward noticed a constant – a single Kyogre and Groudon in their respective zones, growing, living, surviving longer than the rest of its species. And suddenly, as the last of the imperfect Groudons died off and the newly-formed Lumineons had left for better waters, there were only two.
Oh wait, I get it now. This is a good explanation.

With no fellows to keep them rooted, Groudon and Kyogre moved apart: Groudon across the vast land regions of the super-continent upon which it lived, Kyogre through in impossibly deep and cavernous oceans. Somehow Edward found he was able to focus on both, despite their great distance from one another, but he was to captivated by what he was watching to bring attention to this.

It became apparent over time that the newly-formed Legendaries discovered their powers over their respective elements: bit by bit Kyogre found it could swallow up the land to expand its territory to its will, whereas Groudon could lift region-sized land masses from the ocean floor. In each instance Edward saw how life immediately sunk into the new areas – alien looking Pokemon who he knew to be ancestors to his familiar modern-day ones colonising their new living spaces as they moved throughout the world.

With the inevitable momentum of a train, over what could have been centuries, the two Legendaries inched closer and closer to one another.

Time returned to its normal pace, the waves lapping slowly over sun-dried earth, the rain a deafening furor above the ocean but only the sound of wind blowing through the dying, heat-exhausted plant life on the land.

Each of the Legends looked confused, the sight of the other weather condition stumping it. Edward noticed how there was no sense of familiarity between the two: any instinct of symbiosis with the other creature had obviously evaporated long ago.

Curiously, Groudon lifted a small area of land for it to walk across into the deluge, which was immediately swamped by a tidal wave. The red titan snapped its gaze to its blue counterpart, recognising it as its defier. The world stood still for the shortest of moments, then all hell broke loose.
Familiar territory here, but you tell the story well.

Suddenly he was back on the forest floor, gasping for breath as his body began to sweat with the pure adrenaline rush. That was so awesome! was all he could think for a while.

“Take me back! I need to see the rest!” Edward half-shouted a minute later at the Legendary looking at him contentedly. Reluctantly, Celebi shook its head.

“Sorry, but your mind's a delicate thing. Looking for too long at what happened... I've got to say, it's one of my favourite moments in Earth's history, but the power each of them gave off nearly destroyed the thing. The mere radiation they gave off could fry your brain, and not even I could prevent the shock to your system.”

Edward expected to feel frustrated, but could only lean back and reminisce, not wanting to forget a single detail. He closed his eyes, replaying the events in his mind over and over, finding himself laughing with awe at some of the more impressive feats or interesting details. They were gods! Edward thought appreciatively.

And, muttered the darkest crevice of his mind, you have to beat the thing which killed them.
I can only imagine what the steepness of that mission does to Edward. It's certainly intimidating to me.

And I'm caught up. Your imagination is really something. You've taken stories that are part familiar and part new and spun them in a new, imaginative way. You show great creativity in filling in the gaps, too; my favorite parts were your imagination with nonexistent Legendaries and your creativity in telling the story of Groudon and Kyogre.
 
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