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The Life of Ash Ketchum; Season 1

J

Jounouchi

Guest
This is not a fanfic as such; it follows the premise of Pokémon: Intensity, for example. Therefore, do not expect dialogue (unless I write up the scripts, which I will for some of the episodes). Also, this project began nearly a year ago now. If certain episodes or themes in the diary clash with other fanfics, then I apologise and it is not plagirism on my part. They are simply a synopsis.

Episode 1: Ash Ketchum, Viridian Gym Leader
Airdate: 18/04/06


Having been defeated in the Hoenn league, Ash is all ready to return home to Pallet Town for a short break in his training. Stopping off in a Pokémon Centre on the way, the group notice that everyone is watching the television set. Nurse Joy informs Ash that Giovanni, head of Team Rocket and Viridian Gym Leader, has died of a sudden heart attack. Team Rocket has broken up, and the spot of Gym Leader is open for taking. News stations report that Team Rocket has broken up, with agents fleeing Viridian City, causing problems for the police. It also is mentioned that the Indigo League are having a meeting to decide what to do regarding the Viridian Gym. As day breaks, it is announced that applicants for the job of the Viridian Gym Leader are now being accepted; but they must have participated in at least three worldwide leagues and won at least one. Ash thinks that he can't take the job, until an awoken Max reminds him of his victory in the Orange League. Ash thinks about the advantages of taking the job - he will be much closer to his friends and family if he becomes the gym leader, and he won't have to travel as much. Deciding he will try and take the position, Ash recalls Charizard and is ready to fly to the Indigo Plateau, when Max demands Ash lets him come with him. Reluctantly Ash allows Max to come with him, and they both fly to the Indigo Plateau to visit Lance and the rest of the Indigo Gym Leaders.

Once they arrive, Ash and Max discover what appears to be the remains of a party, with streamers and champagne bottles lying on the floor. Max wonders what happened, with Ash neglecting to tell him the real reason to "protect his mind". They wake up Lance, who has an extremely bad hangover. Just to get Ash and Max to shut up, Lance agrees to let Ash be the new Viridian Gym Leader, handing him the keys. Ash and Max run out in joy, but their mood changes when they find the gym in ruins, with all the remaining Pokémon dehydrated and starving. A few phone calls later lead to Professor Oak agreeing to care for the injured Pokémon, while some help from Ash's friends and allies over the years, inlcuding Misty, Deliah & Tracey, lead to the gym being brought back up it's former glory. As Max and Ash settle in, Ash comes to the conclusion that he should bring all of his Pokémon that he had released to the gym, so he can rotate his team for gym battles. Being so close to the Viridian Forest, Ash decides to recall Pidgeot to his team first. Ash leaves all of his Pokémon, inluding Pikachu with Max at the Gym, going it alone. Before he reaches the entrance to the Forest though, Swellow appears and forces Ash to bring him along. Ash realises the sense of having a Flying Pokémon with him, and agrees. The episode comes to its conclusion as they enter the Forest.​
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
You know, I really hate Ash stories but I'll try and ignore that part since you're a newbie. Or maybe not.

First off, you need to seperate these two huge paragraphs into smaller ones. Second look at how big those sentences are, break them up. Third check your spelling. Or typos.

Fourth, this is an episode???

^_^ All done with the technical parts. Now onto the contents:
Having been defeated in the Hoenn league, Ash is all ready to return home to Pallet Town for a short break in his training. Stopping off in a Pokémon Centre on the way, the group notice that everyone is watching the television set.
And I assume it's huge? Which Pokemon Center?
Team Rocket has broken up, and the spot of Gym Leader is open for taking. News stations report that Team Rocket has broken up, with agents fleeing Viridian City, causing problems for the police. It also is mentioned that the Indigo League are having a meeting to decide what to do regarding the Viridian Gym.
So they have a meeting and then they go and have a party before it? Not very responsible.
As day breaks, it is announced that applicants for the job of the Viridian Gym Leader are now being accepted; but they must have participated in at least three worldwide leagues and won at least one.
So I'm seeing this as a application form. Winning at least one league would mean that they are a champion. Already. So why would people want to sign up for being a gym leader.
Ash thinks that he can't take the job, until an awoken Max reminds him of his victory in the Orange League. Ash thinks about the advantages of taking the job - he will be much closer to his friends and family if he becomes the gym leader, and he won't have to travel as much.
Awoken? Won't have to travel as much? What was he planning to do after his trainer career??
Deciding he will try and take the position, Ash recalls Charizard and is ready to fly to the Indigo Plateau, when Max demands Ash lets him come with him. Reluctantly Ash allows Max to come with him, and they both fly to the Indigo Plateau to visit Lance and the rest of the Indigo Gym Leaders.
Okay, a 14-17 year old taking a gym job. And Max, this 8-9 year old demands to go, why?
Max wonders what happened, with Ash neglecting to tell him the real reason to "protect his mind".
When was Ash protecting his mind?
They wake up Lance, who has an extremely bad hangover. Just to get Ash and Max to shut up, Lance agrees to let Ash be the new Viridian Gym Leader, handing him the keys.
They were repeatedly asking him, pleading him to be the gym leader? I think not. Plus, as one of the members of the Elite Four, why did he have an extremely bad hangover?
Ash and Max run out in joy, but their mood changes when they find the gym in ruins, with all the remaining Pokémon dehydrated and starving.
There were reamining pokemon? And the gym leader just didn't feed them? And plus the trainers that were inside wouldn't have left heir pokemon there, would they?
A few phone calls later lead to Professor Oak agreeing to care for the injured Pokémon, while some help from Ash's friends and allies over the years, inlcuding Misty, Deliah & Tracey, lead to the gym being brought back up it's former glory.
You can't use & in place of 'and'. It's a shortcut that isn't used and shouldn't have been used. And 'it's' is a possessive so 'its' is supposed to be there. And then the gym is back to their glory? Already?
As Max and Ash settle in, Ash comes to the conclusion that he should bring all of his Pokémon that he had released to the gym, so he can rotate his team for gym battles.
How can he bring back all the pokemon? He had released them. Just how would he find it again?
Being so close to the Viridian Forest, Ash decides to recall Pidgeot to his team first. Ash leaves all of his Pokémon, inluding Pikachu with Max at the Gym, going it alone.
including has a 'c' in it. Okay, so Pidgeot was in the Viridian Forest? And then you switched it to leaving all his pokemon there, at the gym. Why?
Before he reaches the entrance to the Forest though, Swellow appears and forces Ash to bring him along. Ash realises the sense of having a Flying Pokémon with him, and agrees.
And yes, Swellow, one of his flying types, comes. He has a Pidgeot and Noctowl too. Why just Swellow? And what's good about having a flying type? He was stupid enough to leave ALL his pokemon at the gym, so how did he figure out that out when he was dense enough to leave all his pokemon behind?


Answer all the questions above. It took every once of saneness in my body to type all this out. Do me a favor and answer them.

~PEACE~
 
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