I'm currently suffering from unrequited love, in which I blame and hate myself for having not made that effort in high school to actually tell the guy I really liked him. The fact he was popular with the girls and had dated some of them I doubt was the reason I was too shy/scared to confess, the more I think about it. More likely than not I was just too damn shy for my own good. But at the same time, I just can't ever bring myself to say "love" in a sentence for whatever stupid reason, so I couldn't ever tell him "I love you" even if I wanted to.
But he knew I liked him, he just never saw me more than as a sister, and he had mentioned that before. There are times where I hate him for being so kind to me and had gone out of his way at times to make me smile, but at the same time, those were some of the many reasons why I fell in love with him. To this day, I still do not regret giving him a necklace that had opals floating around in it, which was a necklace I had since freshman year (actually it was sooner, I had just started wearing it around that time). I gave it to him when he turned 18 because his birthday's in October, and it was his late-grandfather's favorite stone, and he was very close to his grandfather. That was the best hug I had ever had.
He was a year my senior, so when he graduated, that was the last I ever physically saw of him. I don't know how I made it through my senior year, because it wasn't a good year for me. I made sure to wish him a happy birthday every year, however, as I had his e-mail, though he was never that good with e-mail. I found him on Facebook about a year-ish ago and tried to get back in contact with him, but again, like with e-mail, he hasn't been good about it. Sure, we did have small conversations through e-mail, but that was it. And the last time we did was earlier this year when he said he was getting married.
People like him are unique. I could spend hours talking about the memories I had, and why he was such a good, funny person, and why I loved him. I keep telling myself to let everything go, that the experience is good for me in the long-run, but I guess I have problems that I can't get over. I've had a few crushes when I was a kid, but it was much different when I came to like him.
I didn't know why or how back then, but now I know why and how love hurts, at least when it comes to unrequited love. And it's crippling, yet while it hurts, I keep going back to it like I have some sick fascination with it. Apparently I secretly like silently crying at night.
It's stupid.
