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The Lucky Ones

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rybo5000

<- so cute <3
Hi, I haven't made a fic in ages but have bravely ventured back with a cool new storyline! Hope you enjoy!

Everyone has a dream,
we all have our ambitions,
we all want one specific thing,
we all want just one thing from life,
and in the end, some get it,
and the ones who do get it,
are the lucky ones.

Chapter One

Ryan

Ryan stomped through the grass angrily. He looked up at the moon which lay on in the black sky.

"Stupid Scyther, cut my hair! Took me weeks to grow it just right!" He shook the dew of himself and began to dig.

"Better get digging before dawn," he said glancing at the horizon which now began to paint the sky red.

Suddenly a shot of water hit him in the face, he was knocked back and shook his head. He gasped and jumped up running away from the pond as fast as his legs would go.

"Holy crap, help!" he screamed jumping into a ditch.

Alex

"Ha ha, unlucky!" Alex laughed and turned back toward the water. He dived under, below the surface and lay at the bottom of the pond.

"One day," he whispered as he slowly shut his eyes, "one day, I'll jump out of this pathetic little pond and I'll escape to the ocean, one day"

Suddenly he awoke, a loud rumbling noise was shaking the ground. He strained to look through the murky water until suddenly a large Pokemon flew at him. It was a large, fish shaped Pokemon with a large, wide smile. It’s eyes were oddly far apart and gave it a weird look. It had large yellow whiskers which twitched quickly and Alex noticed a yellow ‘W’ on it’s forehead.

“Hey, you!” it shouted staring angrily at him.
“What’s up fat boy?” Alex asked insultingly laughing.

He immediately stopped laughing and fear showed on his face as the Whiscash before him began to thrash madly and the ground began to shake violently.

“I warned you! Now out of my pond!” the Whiscash roared again hitting Alex hard sending him flying to the surface.

Alex struggled to escape the Whiscash’s large mouth and leapt up and onto dry land. There he gasp for air, luckily all water Pokemon had developed the ability to breathe on land as they needed in case a trainer made them battle on land. Unfortunately Remoraid like himself could not walk on land. So he lay there and wait for the predators to come.

Brandon

From out behind a rock crawled Brandon. He stood up and unlike most Bagon he was rather small. He was the normal purple colour and had a rock hard head and yet he still didn’t have an intimidating appearance. In fact he was bullied because he was so weak.
And yet these psychical things were not what made him odd, it was the fact that he was the only Bagon that didn’t want to fly.

“Why do we have to live up so high father?” Brandon asked his dad, a large Shellgon.

His reply was a simple sigh, “Look son, everyone wants to fly. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Sometimes I wonder if you even are my son!”
In his fury he kicked his son toward the edge of the cliff, Brandon’s face filled with fear as he looked at the ground which was hundreds of feet below.

“I wish someone would love me for who I am!” he wished strongly as a tear came to his eye.

James

James sat and stared at the horizon, sucking his paw quietly and scratched his forehead of which had a crescent shaped marking on. Behind him crept a small yellow Pokemon, with odd swirl patterns on it’s fur a Spinda. It lunged an arm forward and grabbed it’s paw onto James’s shoulder.

“Rarrr!” it shouted loudly. James jumped to his feet, even standing he was short and his cute, large eyes suddenly turned fierce with excitement. He attempted to roar yet what came out was a small squeal. He lunged forward and the two Pokemon began to wrestle.

“Ha, I won!” shouted the Spinda, pinning James to the ground.

“Oh, Karl!” James whined angrily pushing Karl off of him.
James got up and brushed himself down quickly, he then waddled over to a large tree and stuck his paw into a hole. When he pulled it out again it was covered in honey. Again he sat on the cliff edge and began to suckle at his paw again. Karl sat down next to him and began to waggle his feet impatiently.

Suddenly a loud roar echoed from the opposite side of the mountain, James and Karl looked over shocked to see a large Shellgon attacking a small Bagon and knocking it toward the edge of the cliff. Suddenly from the dense forest behind them out burst a large brown Pokemon, it’s ferrous appearance would be enough to send most Pokemon running. It roared loudly and several smaller Pokemon nearby scattered. It bared it’s large claws and Karl noticed a circular shaped marking on it’s stomach.

“Mummy look,” James shouted excitedly, “a Bagon is getting beaten up!”

“I’ll go see what’s going on,” the large Ursaring roared loudly and began to sprint toward the group of Bagon, “and watch me beat the hell out of that Shellgon!”

Tracy

Tracy was a lot bigger and stronger than most Ursaring, she sprinted on all fours at immense speed knocking several Weedle out of the way.
She roared loudly causing the cliff face to shake, she reared up and stroke one paw down at the Shellgon which yelped in pain as it flew pack into a rock and lay unconscious. Tracy then turned and began to approach the small Bagon which was whimpering in pain.
She tried to comfort it but to the Bagon she just appeared to be growling at him. The small Bagon yelped and jumped upwards but then it fell down, down toward the jagged rocks below.

Alex

Alex just lay there still in the light of the rising son, a few feet away on a tree branch sat a large brown bird Pokemon. It’s large beak glimmered with sweat as it stare Alex in the eye. Alex simply sighed and wait for the giant Fearow to attack him. Yet it didn’t, it and it’s young Spearow companion just sit there and stare. Almost with a curious, yet scared look in their eyes.

“Why won’t they just eat me now and get it over with,” he thought angrily, he wriggled slightly so that his head was in the shade of a rock. He slowly shut his eyes and waited for death to come.

Scott

Scott was a rather large Fearow, he was consider tough and almost evil. But he was actually quite a fun friendly guy.

“It’s got to be some sort of trap,” he said to the small Spearow beside him. The Spearow nodded and jumped off the branch. It slowly glided and landed on the rock just above the small Remoraid’s head.

“You, Remoriad,” the Spearow shouted at the small fish which sighed and looked up at him, “why are you not in your pond.”
Scott watched the young Spearow with a sense of pride, he was tough, brave enough to stare danger in the face. Immortal some thought.
But just then, the Spearow was dead.

Ryan

Ryan peered above the edge of the ditch and shook himself back into reality. He looked across the pond to see a Spearow about to attack a Remoraid.

“Yuck, I don’t think I want to see this,” Ryan said screwing up his face imagining seeing the Remoraid being ripped to shreds.
Suddenly a loud scream came from above and Ryan saw a small blur shooting down the canyon and straight toward the Spearow.
The Spearow looked up just in time to see a Bagon’s head about to crush it’s own skull.

Ryan suddenly threw up in disgust as the Spearow’s eyeball suddenly flew into him along with some blood.
He looked up feeling dizzy to see a shocked Remoriad laying in the sun, a knocked out Bagon slowly stirring awake and the mangled bits of a dead Spearow.

“Oh my god!” screamed a large Fearow in a nearby tree which then began to scream in grief.

“Great, all I need,” Ryan sighed, “a bunch of freaks and a dead guy in my territory!”

Brandon

“Oh my head,” Brandon moaned, awaking and rubbing his head, “lucky I landed on something soft, this good old rock here!”
He glanced down to see a ruffled lump of feathers on the ground near him,

“Oh, sorry mate, your going to have a mighty big headache tomorrow!”
He made a girlish giggle and stood up to see a Remoraid staring at him in shock.

“Holy **** dude!” shouted the Remoraid, “What the hell is wrong with you!”

“Sorry,” Brandon replied in a stupid childish voice, “I broke it!”

“Dam right you broke it, you must’ve smashed his skull in bad!”

“Yeah, sorry about that, did I get some brain juice on you?” again the murderous Bagon giggled like a girl and began to head butt the rock in boredom.

“How old are you? Like five?” asked Alex looking confused and scared at the weird Bagon.
Brandon giggled and said, “No silly, I’m almost eleven and how….” He was interrupted by a large screeching Fearow which suddenly swooped down and grabbed Brandon in it’s large beak.

Brandon bit his lip and looked around the Fearow’s mouth, “Oh dear.”


End Chapter One

Okay that's it, not very long but it's okay i guess!
Bye,
Rybo5000 ;385;
 
Last edited:
fire_punk, way to spam, please relation or not could you read the rules.

Rybo, you do seem to be trying a bit more but it's still the below the radar sense. CHECK your posts with preview before posting so you don't have Prologue piggybacking onto a random paragraph. That's more of a mini intro, not a prologue really. A prologue is used at the start of a story to give an idea into the world or it's somebody speaking at the evry end to start the fanfiction off. If you want to put a random paragraph, just do it rather than banner it pointlessly.

Then again given writting should be done in another program namely Word, Notepad, Wordpad or something similar, silly spacing like that should have been sorted to begin with.

What is the point of this character switching? There is EXTREMELY SELECT circumstances where this would work, this is just a flaunt to get out of introducing properly and skimping description compeltely. We have people popping out of nowhere, a name forced down our throats but we don't know WHO they are.

Wait ones a Tediursa? You know I didn;t really realise until I wtfed at the Ursring, considerably.

Your sentances are short, choppy with the most absic of words still slapped together and glued as always, I recall a while back givening you step by ste advice but I still that other than spacing out speech, even if it's still badly done, was the only thing picked up.

Please, can we start reading and stop chopping and changing our minds every two seconds.

Sandra
 

rybo5000

<- so cute <3
Then again given writting should be done in another program namely Word, Notepad, Wordpad or something similar, silly spacing like that should have been sorted to begin with.

You're the one who told me to space it like that!
And i know its a bit jummbled but better description coming in chapter 2!
Bye,
Rybo5000
 
No, I didn't. I did not tell you do do as you've done here:

PrologueEveryone has a dream,

^Stop making excuses.

It better be better because you listened and worked with it, not just rushed it to get it out in the shortest time possible.

Sandra
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Paragraphing needs immediete attention, way too short and of course grammer mistakes as listed above!
Please read the rules and extend this by at least a few pages!
Also don't write fics in the reply box, write in word, spell check then copy and paste onto a thread.
Bye,

I just love hypocrits :X even if I am one.

Anyways, yeah, Rybo take your own advice ;/
 

rybo5000

<- so cute <3
what grammer mistakes have i made? it isnt too short in fact is a ok length! paragraphing looks ok and it was all written in word and spell checked!
so what of that advice should i take?
Rybo5000 ;385;

EDIT: How dare you try to get me banned, fire_punk is my brother not a double account!
 

CWisgood

Coral Eye Trainer
Um, three Word pages is the minimum requirement. Your entire 'chapter' is only 2.5.

Suddenly from the dense forest behind them out burst a large brown Pokemon, it’s ferrous appearance would be enough to send most Pokemon running.

Its furious/ ferocious appearance. 'Ferrous' means 'iron-containing', and I doubt Ursarings are composed of iron.

It bared it’s large claws and Karl noticed a circular shaped marking on it’s stomach.
Its.

"Stupid Scyther, cut my hair!"
Is he telling the scyther to cut his hair? <_<

It’s eyes were oddly far apart and gave it a weird look.
Its.

And countless other it's/its mistakes.
 

rybo5000

<- so cute <3
Its furious/ ferocious appearance. 'Ferrous' means 'iron-containing', and I doubt Ursarings are composed of iron.

lol sorry about that!
also sorry i thought it was it's not its!
thanks for pointing that out

EDIT: No he is moaning that a Scyther cut his hair, chapter two i will post soon-ish
 

rybo5000

<- so cute <3
Okay, i am allowed to double post cos its an update right?
Anyway have extended first chapter by another page and a half approx.
enjoy!
Also please don't ask why Brandon the Bagon turns a bit weird, all will be explained soon!
Bye,
Rybo5000
 

Sybot

Well-Known Member
When is rybo going to catch a clue? Hasn't he been banned once before? You'd think he'd learn something from the experience.

Just so that this isn't spam, I'll offer up commentary on the fic too.

Constant changing on character perspective is hard to do and often jarring for the reader. I'd recommend either using omniscient form, or having only one focal character. Also why are Pokemon named with human names like that. It's very odd? (I know it's unlikely that rybo will read this, but I can always try, can't I).
 

rybo5000

<- so cute <3
When is rybo going to catch a clue? Hasn't he been banned once before? You'd think he'd learn something from the experience.

Just so that this isn't spam, I'll offer up commentary on the fic too.

Constant changing on character perspective is hard to do and often jarring for the reader. I'd recommend either using omniscient form, or having only one focal character. Also why are Pokemon named with human names like that. It's very odd? (I know it's unlikely that rybo will read this, but I can always try, can't I).

hi im not carrying on with this fic but if i had all the main characters were to all join to form a group so it wouldnt have kept changing as much and plot
then jirachi would grant all their wishes, thats why they the lucky ones, they all make freinds la de da, happy ending ect.
 
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