Dragonfree
Just me
The concept is fun and the ideas nice (somehow I thought after almost every stanza "But there aren't any more types of Sues! ... Oh, wait"), but the poetic rhythm gets quite awful at times (unless I just have a very messed-up sense of how the stress is placed in about 30% of the words you used in the whole thing - admittedly it's nothing new if my English pronunciation isn't good in that aspect, but it happens a bit too often in this to be just a matter of that). If you can't read it aloud in a fairly even rhythm with an equal amount of time between the stressed syllables and make it sound natural, it's probably a good idea to reword it. Parts like this:
would probably be better worded as something more like
Yeah, present tense probably isn't the most grammatically correct thing to put there, but it sounds better in the rhythm. If you do it like this, the first four lines sounds very natural together if you read it with the stress on the underlined words:
There are many instances of this throughout the piece, which kind of ruin it for me. Some parts were also a bit unclear due to lack of commas (which, of course, I understand you not putting in, but they're still unclear):
Okay, that could either be interpreted as
or as
You could either fix that by putting the commas in (which does change the mood of the poem, so I can see why you wouldn't want to do that) or by rewording it.
(Incidentally, I think you only use 'nor' if you also have 'neither' in the sentence, but I might be wrong there.)
That's pretty much it. If you ever rewrote this again for some bizarre reason (which you most likely won't, considering you probably [and hopefully] don't have my obsession with rewriting everything), you should really work on the rhythm, but otherwise it's not too bad.
(I kind of get the same feeling as The Great Butler - I've always just interpreted it as me being absurdly paranoid, but whenever somebody writes anything parodical or critical in nature about fics in general, I get crazy conspiracy theories popping up in my head about how it must all be inspired by how horrible my fics are. Not that I really think it is, but it's always the first thing that enters my mind.)
would probably be better worded as something more like
Yeah, present tense probably isn't the most grammatically correct thing to put there, but it sounds better in the rhythm. If you do it like this, the first four lines sounds very natural together if you read it with the stress on the underlined words:
There are many instances of this throughout the piece, which kind of ruin it for me. Some parts were also a bit unclear due to lack of commas (which, of course, I understand you not putting in, but they're still unclear):
Okay, that could either be interpreted as
or as
You could either fix that by putting the commas in (which does change the mood of the poem, so I can see why you wouldn't want to do that) or by rewording it.
(Incidentally, I think you only use 'nor' if you also have 'neither' in the sentence, but I might be wrong there.)
That's pretty much it. If you ever rewrote this again for some bizarre reason (which you most likely won't, considering you probably [and hopefully] don't have my obsession with rewriting everything), you should really work on the rhythm, but otherwise it's not too bad.
(I kind of get the same feeling as The Great Butler - I've always just interpreted it as me being absurdly paranoid, but whenever somebody writes anything parodical or critical in nature about fics in general, I get crazy conspiracy theories popping up in my head about how it must all be inspired by how horrible my fics are. Not that I really think it is, but it's always the first thing that enters my mind.)
They're perfectly right. No excuses 'cept me being lazy xD