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The Murkrow (PG-13)

IceKing

Sexorific!
This is based off of something that actually happened to me, advice is greatly appreciated, I know this could use some work. This is only a one-shot, rated PG-13 for mild violence/disturbingness.






It was snowing.

The cursed white slush was everywhere, frosting the trees, drowning the paths, freezing the baby Pidgey onto the branches. It was the bastard child of the chill that had plagued the forest and the Gods in the skies, who wanted the pokemon to suffer. And yet, this was the best day they had in a week. Normally the blizzards had surged down like a rain of knives, tearing into the precious forest and slashing it apart into many frozen pieces with its malevolent winds and numbing ice. But it simply snowed now, millions of tiny flakes sprinkling onto the ground.

It was a refreshing respite from the rapture that had been bestowed upon Petalburg Woods. The pokemon did not know what had happened; it was rumored that the beast Regice had awakened and was wreaking his vengeance upon Hoenn. Others claimed human technology had caused a winter to blaze throughout the entire lands. Amadeus cared not of the genesis of the suffering, but rather how he and his son Oliver were going to escape it. His wife Penelope was already claimed by one of the storms; he couldn’t lose his son too.

Move along now, Oliver. We’re a Geodude’s throw from the city; we shall find refuge there, I know it!” The Breloom trudged along the slippery, snow-laden path, his hooves frostbitten and ready to snap like twigs.

I’m coming as fast as I can, it’s not easy!” his Shroomish son cried, attempting to keep up with his father.

Indeed it wasn’t easy. They had been walking miles for the past three days, in a desperate attempt to flee from the blizzards. The fact that they were grass types did not alleviate matters, as tiny icicles hung from their heads and clung to their bodies. Amadeus’s tail had collapsed and had become deadweight as he had to drag it along too. Their lips and their skin had faded into blue; a paralyzing numbness also burdened them in their desperate journey. They were beginning to wither.

Amadeus had looked apologetically down upon his son; he wanted to hold him and carry him on this journey, but his arms were mere fists, incapable of carrying a child. Oliver was smaller than the other Shroomish; it was difficult enough for him in life to do most things, let alone to make such a dangerous trek across the forest. His little round body trembled, and it was getting harder and harder to stay upright.

We’ll take a small nap, and then we’ll walk again. We’ll be in the city soon, Oliver. Very soon, ” Amadeus whispered as he turned to face his son, and nodded toward a small space in between two trees where there was no snow. Oliver smiled and began to trudge towards there instead.

When we’re in the city, is Mother going to be there?”

Yes, Son. ” He didn’t look at him, instead continued to walk to their resting spot.

And will the Sun be shining?”

Shining hotter than you’ve ever seen it!” They sat on the crunchy soil.

And will there be no more snow?

This will be the last day you will ever see snow, my son.” They lay down, Oliver cuddled up in Amadeus’s chest.

Oliver closed his eyes instantly; though it wasn’t as easy for Amadeus. Too many thoughts swarmed around his head, from the hunger in his belly to the death of Penelope. Oh, how he loved his wife. She was a Roselia; they had known each other since childhood. They lived happily together and soon began to mate as well; they had fallen in love. He remembered the blazing summer days when they would lie together in the shade, napping blissfully. Or how they would bathe in the rain, or fend off Beedrill together, both skilled fighters. Then, Oliver had hatched from his egg. They were an honestly happy family. Bad things did happen such as Orpheus the Angry Vigoroth’s rampages or the rainy seasons without sun; but they were always together. Sure, like any couple, they bickered from time to time, but the love in the family was genuine.

Penelope was dead.

When the blizzard first began, she was returning from a visit to her sister’s. Normally, the trip took less than few hours. When after a full day, she hadn’t returned, Oliver and Amadeus had searched for her. They figured she simply decided to stay with her sister, not wanting to be caught up in the storm. They ventured into the blizzard, desperate to find her in the time of trouble. She had slipped on ice and struck her head against a rock. It was Oliver who found her.

Amadeus looked down on his son, who was now gently snoring. It was foolish to try and escape the forest after finding Penelope; they should have taken refuge like most of the other forest creatures did. But who would have expected the storm to only get worse? It was a miracle they managed to survive for this long.

Amadeus wished he could scoop his son into his arms and fly away, like a Murkrow. Before the storm had even started, the devious little birds had taken flight and flew as far from the woods as they could. The nesting Murkrow had simply clutched the nests in their talons with their mate, and flew too. They had fled the rapture; they were the saints ascending into the Heavens.

The Breloom smiled at the thought, him and Penelope flying through the heavens with great black wings, with great flowing arms, holding Oliver. He slept.

*****​

The sun was out. As soon as one of its rays struck Amadeus’s blue skin, his eyes snapped open. Leaving from the warm confines of dreams, he found that the chilly air had become pleasantly still, albeit cold. The snowfall had stopped; it was over. Amadeus laughed, it was all over! Soon the sun would fully shred through the hazy sky and revive the forest once more. They need not flee into the city after all! He looked up at the sky, and saw nothing, but no matter, he felt the pleasant touch of the sun.

He turned to face Oliver and eagerly shook him, wanting him to see the sight.

But Oliver did not wake.

Amadeus frowned; Oliver must have been in heavy dreaming. He continued to nudge and yell at his son, who all the time remained perfectly still. The Breloom began to panic. “What was going on?” “What was happening?” “Why won’t Oliver wake?”

He began to smile stupidly, his lips cracking as he did so. “I must have released spores while sleeping! Yes, it was all an accident! He’ll awaken soon enough!” he assured himself. He lied down once more, cuddling up to his son, waiting for him to wake up soon enough. Thirty minutes passed. Oliver remained motionless, his blue lips parted open, icicles now plastering his entire body. Amadeus leaped up once more. He began to calculate in his head once more. He had to do something, something to wake his son up. As much guilt as he felt, he knew there was only one way. Gulping and quietly begging his son for forgiveness, he held his right fist out as it glowed white hot with sheer power. It began to quiver, waiting for something to break the attack, but soon the full power was unleashed. His fist drove into Oliver’s side, shattering the icicles and sent him hurtling through the air until he landed with a skid into the snowy path.

Amadeus ran towards his son’s body. Oliver was going to bolt upright and groan with pain, asking what happened. The Breloom would apologize a million times, and tell his son it had to be done so that they could go home. Yes, home. The sun was going to surmount this awful storm, and they would continue living happily in the forest. As soon as the sun’s rays hit Penelope’s grave, she would awaken. She would be waiting for them. It would be like the storm never happened.

But Oliver did not wake.

Amadeus struck and roared with all his might, desperate to pull his son from this sleep. He was no longer panicking, he was enraged. His stupid son was playing games with him, not waking up. He needs to learn to wake up when he is told to; he would be severely punished when he woke up. But with each further bruise and each angry tear flowing with the Breloom’s outburst, nothing followed. Oliver would not wake. He was not going to wake.

He sobbed. Amadeus collapsed into the snow and sobbed. Oliver was gone. No more would he hear his youthful voice. No more would he embrace Penelope. There was no one there to hold in the dreary nights, in the vicious storms. They were all gone. Devoured in the monstrous jaws of the winter. He was the only one left. He was the only one to return home.

*****​

Amadeus’s hooves were a bloody brown. He had dug a small grave in their resting spot with them. They were already frostbitten, now sliced as he violently kicked open a crude grave. His son deserved better, but this was the best he could give him. Penelope deserved better. He was a lousy father, and a lousy pokemon. They had seen other dead pokemon on their journey, entire families. He had gazed at the fathers with pity, failure caretakers. But now Amadeus was one of them. He turned to Oliver once again, incapable of the task that lay ahead. He laid by his son once more, tears silently freezing on his face.

After an hour or so, he swallowed carefully and began to drag his son’s body through the snow and gently placed him inside the grave. Oliver bulged out ever so slightly. He must have grown when they weren’t looking. Amadeus continued to stare at his son’s body, powerless to bury it.

Then, he heard a cawing.

He looked up ahead. There weren’t too many trees; he saw several Murkrow flying through the sky. They were coming from the city. They were mere black shapes to him, and they were crowding around a large tree scrambling madly through the branches. He gazed at them perplexed. Out of nowhere, several more Murkrow had appeared; soon there were ten of them scuttling through the branches.

Then, they came.

Hundreds of Murkrow streaked through the sky, hundreds of black dots cawing maniacally as they fought madly in that same tree or indulged in apparent orgies; crying madly as the gushing stream of birds continued to flood, more and more Murkow violently tearing through the tree. There were no nests in any talons. Every minute or so there would be a calm, and only five Murkrow remained, but before Amadeus could even blink, another swarm of the birds would bolt through the sky from another direction cackling insanely as they tried to flee some foreboding, deadly force. Quite a few crashed straight into the trunk of the tree and slid down in a bloody heap of cracked bones. Amadeus was stunned at the terrible beauty of the flight; for a moment, he had forgotten his son.

Finally, they stopped.

Prying his gaze from the tree, Amadeus turned to bury his son, but he was already buried. A good layer of snow had blanketed his son; it was snowing again. Violently. The harsh winds whipped through the once warm air, and the inches of icy horror began to creep up by the second. Amadeus tried to run, thinking he could escape the blizzard. At first, he ran towards the city, but he remembered the Murkrow coming in hundreds. They were coming from the city. It was everywhere. The wrath of Regice had claimed the city too. There was no refuge.

Amadeus chuckled and stepped back to his son’s grave, his hooves bleeding profusely and his skin beginning to crack. He lay down and caressed Oliver’s grave. His eyes closed once more as a delightful tingling sensation ran through his spine. He smiled.

It was warm.
 
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Kiyohime

Well-Known Member
o.o;;;

PSYCHOPOMPS YAY. Kind of. That happened to you? o.o;;; Eeep.

Very beautiful, sad writing--unexpected coming from you, but with your talent we should've known. ^^ You have surprised me! D:

I think this is one of my favorite one-shots now. :3
 

Souku

Well-Known Member
That was a wonderful story, so sad at the end too! The poor Shroomish, the poor Breloom.

There lips and their skin had faded into blue
I found a spelling error, "their" instead of "there" I think.

Other than that, you wove such a beautiful short story.
 

Occorru

Cascade Trainer
Tell us what happened for real. Did exactly bthe same thing happen to you or was it a bit different? Please explain.
 

Tezza

Bird Master
Oooh, love a good supernatural story, I've never read one as a fanfiction though.

My gosh you've got some lovely imagery. I love it because at the moment I'm baking in an Aussie summer and if you can get me to forget it even for a little bit, that's a serious compliment. I'm tempted to lay the prose card, some of it is really over the top but a lot of it really works together.

Yay, Breloom, I like Breloom and the fact that its a Pokemon. What I really love is the science behind it, plant cells are really prone to cold so I appreciate his frost bite. I also like how you use the Breloom's anatomy too.

The conversation with his son is so sad, so gorgeously simplistic.

Oh my gosh... Oliver... The Murkrow. Its' so sad, so moving! I really felt a deep emptyness as I read it.

Mate, this was bloody amazing.....
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
Now THAT is one amazing portrayal of one significant day, that was truly a masterpiece to behold. The use of imagery in here, and the emotions pouring from Amadeus, it was so much better than I expected. And you only wrote this is one day? It's an inspiration, I can tell you.

Seriously, I am so looking forwad to your future work if you keep this horror and intensity up, because this and your past one-shots like Snicker Doodle and your satire really bode well. I'm sure you can see as well as I can that you're really really talented at this stuff.

Reading these never fails to inspire me.

Lovely choice of name, by the way =).

UUMMMM critisism then...its so hard this time, it really is. Might as well point this out:

IK said:
Amadeus whispered as he turned to face his sun

And otherwise, I'm at a loss. There's some things I can spot about some of your fics when I put my mind to it, but this time I can't think of a thing. Its a perfect example of a one-shot, I can tell you that.

Anyway, fandabidosie job here, IK, I'm awed and envious of your talent.
 

Hahahabvc87

Always watching...
*whistles* Lovely. I would offer advice had I seen any area that required it; however, I'm currently blinded by the beauty of the scene, dark as it may be.

“When we’re in the city, is Mother going to be there?”

“Yes, Son. ”
He didn’t look at him, instead continued to walk to their resting spot.

“And will the Sun be shining?”

“Shining hotter than you’ve ever seen it!”
They sat on the crunchy soil.

“And will there be no more snow? ”

“This will be the last day you will ever see snow, my son. ”
They lay down, Oliver cuddled up in Amadeus’s chest.
A lie that somehow got twisted into a tragic truth...
Oh, and you have a space between a full stop and an end quote (bolded here).

They happily lived together and soon began to mate as well; they had fallen in love.
I usually see those two words in the reverse order...

The sun was out. As soon as one of its rays struck Amadeus’s blue skin, his eyes snapped shut. Leaving from the warm confines of dreams, he found that the chilly air had become pleasantly still, albeit cold.
Wait, he was sleeping with his eyes open?
Also, that "from" there seems kinda redundant.

Then, he heard a chirping.
Well, seeing as they were Murkrow, "chirping" is a weird way to put it...

Amadeus was stunned at the terrible beauty of the flight, for a moment, he had forgotten his son.
In other areas you placed semicolons, but here you placed a comma instead.

Well, I think that the Murkrow flying into the tree was the part based off real life; if it isn't, my condolences to you.
It's been a pleasure reading this, and I thank you for reminding us how wonderful it is to live. :)
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
You know, I think this actually my first 100% serious work, considering how A Scarlet Christmas was based off of a ridiculous concept. And I can't believe I got 6 reviews in one night o_o

Tell us what happened for real. Did exactly bthe same thing happen to you or was it a bit different? Please explain.

Alright. A good deal of this stuff did happen to me. On a cold day (not with blizzards, thankfully), I was digging a grave for my precious watermelon planets and then I heard a chirping sound overhead, and the description I wrote in the one-shot was exactly what happened to me, seeing hundreds and hundreds of crows flying through the air, chirping madly as they flew throughout that single tree. The detail about them crashing and dying was superficial, though


o.o;;;

PSYCHOPOMPS YAY. Kind of. That happened to you? o.o;;; Eeep.

Very beautiful, sad writing--unexpected coming from you, but with your talent we should've known. ^^ You have surprised me! D:

I think this is one of my favorite one-shots now. :3

I <3 Psychopomps. The Ending Scene in The Dark Half has to be my favorite scene by Stephen King, it was just so friggin awesome. And it really is unexpected coming from me, usually my serious works fail XD Thanks for the compliment! It really means a lot

That was a wonderful story, so sad at the end too! The poor Shroomish, the poor Breloom.

Indeed =( I did feel bad writing such a sad story

Oooh, love a good supernatural story, I've never read one as a fanfiction though.

TEZZA! I don't know if this would qualify as supernatural, since it's based off of an actual event that happened to me XD Unless, of course, those birds were supernatural too

My gosh you've got some lovely imagery. I love it because at the moment I'm baking in an Aussie summer and if you can get me to forget it even for a little bit, that's a serious compliment. I'm tempted to lay the prose card, some of it is really over the top but a lot of it really works together.

Glad to know I cooled you down, its actually quite cold in America. Yeah, I guess I did go a bit over the top at places, but I do think its better than going under the top XD

Yay, Breloom, I like Breloom and the fact that its a Pokemon. What I really love is the science behind it, plant cells are really prone to cold so I appreciate his frost bite. I also like how you use the Breloom's anatomy too.

I love Breloom too, I actually found them to be the perfect pokemon for this fic. I liked how I utilized his anatomy too, both his mamallian (hooves) and his plant-like (chlorophyll, Sun).

The conversation with his son is so sad, so gorgeously simplistic.

Thank you!

Oh my gosh... Oliver... The Murkrow. Its' so sad, so moving! I really felt a deep emptyness as I read it.

Mate, this was bloody amazing.....

Thanks very much, I feel quite good now ^^

Now THAT is one amazing portrayal of one significant day, that was truly a masterpiece to behold. The use of imagery in here, and the emotions pouring from Amadeus, it was so much better than I expected. And you only wrote this is one day? It's an inspiration, I can tell you.

Indeed Tale (did you notice I named Oliver after you XD?), I was quite inspired and managed to write four pages in three and a half hours.

Seriously, I am so looking forwad to your future work if you keep this horror and intensity up, because this and your past one-shots like Snicker Doodle and your satire really bode well. I'm sure you can see as well as I can that you're really really talented at this stuff.

I'm going to follow Patty's advice and take a compliment, thanks! Yeah, I like both opposite spectrums, horror/thriller (I prefer psychological horror) and comedy/satire.

Lovely choice of name, by the way =).

Yep, you caught it

And otherwise, I'm at a loss. There's some things I can spot about some of your fics when I put my mind to it, but this time I can't think of a thing. Its a perfect example of a one-shot, I can tell you that.

Anyway, fandabidosie job here, IK, I'm awed and envious of your talent.

Tale, your just as awesome! Thanks very much!

*whistles* Lovely. I would offer advice had I seen any area that required it; however, I'm currently blinded by the beauty of the scene, dark as it may be.

That's a good way to describe it, terrible beauty

Well, seeing as they were Murkrow, "chirping" is a weird way to put it...

Good point, I'll change it to cawing

Well, I think that the Murkrow flying into the tree was the part based off real life; if it isn't, my condolences to you.
It's been a pleasure reading this, and I thank you for reminding us how wonderful it is to live.

It indeed was the part, and actually, I did lose my children as well =( My precious watermelons...And I thank you for reviewing this



Thank you VERY much everybody, I'm off to fix errors now
 

jirachiman876

The King of Kirby
You and your silly watermelons.
Anyway, on the serious side, I really, really liked it. Wow i have can't beleive what i was reading came from you. I swear tis been improved so well since I can last recall anything I've read of yours. Anyway, I'm not trying to sound like I'm being mean or anything (cause I'm not). I just really loved this so well that I like can't think of anything to say. All mistakes have been posted so i guess I got nothing more other than keep up teh awesome work man.
jirachiman out ;385;
PS why aren't you on AIM aymore, I never see you or patteh on now.
 

Sybot

Well-Known Member
Excellent story with really well done emotions and description. However, I do think it sort of was a cliche of the 'trapped by weather and eventually they all die' sort. That didn't really detract from it though. Well done!
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
...Dang, this is really such a great story you did here IceKing.

Yeah, liked everyone said, the imagery and the emotions here is great. I really feel for the Breloom for his lost of his wife and child. (sniffs)

I think the only criticism I can give is maybe you could add a bit of dialogue in this part.

He began to smile stupidly, his lips cracking as he did so. “I must have released spores while sleeping! Yes, it was all an accident! He’ll awaken soon enough!” he assured himself. He lied down once more, cuddling up to his son, waiting for him to wake up soon enough. Thirty minutes passed. Oliver remained motionless, his blue lips parted open, icicles now plastering his entire body. Amadeus leaped up once more. He began to calculate in his head once more. He had to do something, something to wake his son up. As much guilt as he felt, he knew there was only one way. Gulping and quietly begging his son for forgiveness, he held his right fist out as it glowed white hot with sheer power. It began to quiver, waiting for something to break the attack, but soon the full power was unleashed. His fist drove into Oliver’s side, shattering the icicles and sent him hurtling through the air until he landed with a skid into the snowy path.

I think maybe what you could do is first have the father said something like "Wake up son" sweetly and put how he thought his son will wake up. After that, you can repeat him said that a few more times and then put how each time he said that fear was in his mind since his son did not wake up. Eh, maybe it's just me. ^^;;;

Again, really great work here. Nothing much else to say about it.

Hm...so you said "The Scarlet Christmas" is not your serious work? I thought it is, since you wrote it for the Trials of Horror Contest and all o_O;;;

Well, good luck on any other work you may have!

;134;~Good night, and good luck~
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
;_;

I never knew you had a tragic side to you, Iceking! Ya've proved me wrong in the best of ways. =D

I loved how you went into the thoughts of the father, and how you described his desperate denial and confusion. Very nice. =D Poor wittle Ollie and his pa... *sets up minaiture shrine*

The ending was perfect. Such a great way to end it. And the bird were nicely freaky. XD

You lost all your watermelons?
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
You and your silly watermelons.

I will cut you

Anyway, on the serious side, I really, really liked it. Wow i have can't beleive what i was reading came from you. I swear tis been improved so well since I can last recall anything I've read of yours. Anyway, I'm not trying to sound like I'm being mean or anything (cause I'm not). I just really loved this so well that I like can't think of anything to say. All mistakes have been posted so i guess I got nothing more other than keep up teh awesome work man.

I know I've been great, so I guess I'm just super great if I improved =)

Excellent story with really well done emotions and description. However, I do think it sort of was a cliche of the 'trapped by weather and eventually they all die' sort. That didn't really detract from it though. Well done!

Pssh...cliche. Yeah, I have no problems with cliches as long as they don't detract, which I'm glad they didn't

I think maybe what you could do is first have the father said something like "Wake up son" sweetly and put how he thought his son will wake up. After that, you can repeat him said that a few more times and then put how each time he said that fear was in his mind since his son did not wake up. Eh, maybe it's just me. ^^;;;

Hmm, yeah, I see your point. I'll tweak that up since I was writing in a rush the first time

Hm...so you said "The Scarlet Christmas" is not your serious work? I thought it is, since you wrote it for the Trials of Horror Contest and all o_O;;;

In the surface, it is quite serious, but come on, a Jynx tries to kill Santa Clause XDDDD

You and your good work. I hope you don't mind the link in my sig.

Aww, how sweet

I never knew you had a tragic side to you, Iceking! Ya've proved me wrong in the best of ways. =D

I don't XD This was just a spur of the moment thing

The ending was perfect. Such a great way to end it. And the bird were nicely freaky. XD

You lost all your watermelons?

Good, someone commented on the ending XD And the plants died with fall, yes
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
HOLY CRAP, A TRAGEDY! My favorite genre!

AND HOLY CRAP, SNOW! My favorite weather!

What a lovely thing you’ve made here. Everything Amadeus felt was conveyed nicely, and the setting was illustrated well, too. Yummm.

I think my favorite part was when Amadeus was in denial about his son being dead…damn, that was a heart-wrenching moment. o_o And then, he was striking Oliver again and again, trying to wake him—Let me tell you, when he was about to hit Oliver that first time, I was expecting the poor little Shroomish to shatter into a hundred little pieces, sending little bits of frozen Shroomish-shrapnel flying every which way, and Amadeus would be all, “OH MY GOD, WHAT THE **** DID I JUST DO?!?”—GOOD GOD, that would have been sick and morbid as all hell. @___________________@ But, I really should have known that wasn’t going to happen, for Pete’s sake; the kid wasn’t given a good, long bath in liquid nitrogen or anything, after all. XDDDD Silly me.

And the BIRDS. Holy frelling frell, I said it in a review I just did for Tale, and I’m gonna say it again here, too: CORVINE BIRDS PWN. The image of a frell-load of shrieking, cawing crows in flight is just awesome. Especially when some of them are smacking into trees. X3

Highlights and et cetera:

The cursed white slush was everywhere, frosting the trees, drowning the paths, freezing the baby Pidgey onto the branches. It was the ******* child of the chill that had plagued the forest and the Gods in the skies, who wanted the pokemon to suffer.

So often do I find absolutely exquisite choices of words in your works—that right there is the latest entry to that Hall of Fame. ^^

Normally the blizzards had surged down like a rain of knives, tearing into the precious forest and slashing it apart into many frozen pieces with its malevolent winds and numbing ice. But it simply snowed now, millions of tiny flakes sprinkling onto the ground.

YUMMMM—God, I love that kind of weather being written of so deliciously. ^_____^ Also, that reminds me of HOW I WISH IT WOULD ****ING SNOW OR FREEZE HERE OR SOMETHING. =( Dammit, I want blizzards surging down like a rain of knives! I want malevolent winds and numbing ice! I want millions of tiny flakes sprinkling onto the ground! I want all of that at once and then some! But noooooo, no snow and ice and other such lovely, dreadful weather for NE Oklahoma yet… T_T

…Uh, moving on… ^^;;;

Bad things did happen such as Orpheus the Angry Vigoroth’s rampages or the rainy seasons without sun; but they were always together.

…I suddenly find myself very interested in Orpheus the Angry Vigoroth… o.o

The nesting Murkrow had simply clutched the nests in their talons with their mate, and flew too. They had fled the rapture; they were the saints ascending into the Heavens.

I ADORE THAT LINE. *_______*

Quite a few crashed straight into the trunk of the tree and slid down in a bloody heap of cracked bones.

SPLAT! X3 Again, I just love that image. ^^

His eyes closed once more as a delightful tingling sensation ran through his spine. He smiled.

It was warm.

…CREEPY…o.o *shudders* Great note to end on.


Absolutely fantastic work; one of your very best to date, IMO. This is just the sort of stuff I just frelling love to read about: death, and very cold weather. Good God, how I long for the latter to visit me. The former, however, can kindly take its dear sweet time. XD Anyway, boss stuff. SALUTE! ^^
 
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IceKing

Sexorific!
HOLY CRAP, A TRAGEDY! My favorite genre!

AND HOLY CRAP, SNOW! My favorite weather!

Tragedy is your favorite ;__;? I like being happy

What a lovely thing you’ve made here. Everything Amadeus felt was conveyed nicely, and the setting was illustrated well, too. Yummm.

Illustrating settings=HATE!!!

I think my favorite part was when Amadeus was in denial about his son being dead…damn, that was a heart-wrenching moment. o_o And then, he was striking Oliver again and again, trying to wake him—Let me tell you, when he was about to hit Oliver that first time, I was expecting the poor little Shroomish to shatter into a hundred little pieces, sending little bits of frozen Shroomish-shrapnel flying every which way, and Amadeus would be all, “OH MY GOD, WHAT THE **** DID I JUST DO?!?”—GOOD GOD, that would have been sick and morbid as all hell. @___________________@ But, I really should have known that wasn’t going to happen, for Pete’s sake; the kid wasn’t given a good, long bath in liquid nitrogen or anything, after all. XDDDD Silly me.

That woulda been cool o_o

And the BIRDS. Holy frelling frell, I said it in a review I just did for Tale, and I’m gonna say it again here, too: CORVINE BIRDS PWN. The image of a frell-load of shrieking, cawing crows in flight is just awesome. Especially when some of them are smacking into trees. X3

Now imagine seeing it in real life, save the smacking into trees

So often do I find absolutely exquisite choices of words in your works—that right there is the latest entry to that Hall of Fame. ^^

Whoo!

YUMMMM—God, I love that kind of weather being written of so deliciously. ^_____^ Also, that reminds me of HOW I WISH IT WOULD ****ING SNOW OR FREEZE HERE OR SOMETHING. =( Dammit, I want blizzards surging down like a rain of knives! I want malevolent winds and numbing ice! I want millions of tiny flakes sprinkling onto the ground! I want all of that at once and then some! But noooooo, no snow and ice and other such lovely, dreadful weather for NE Oklahoma yet… T_T

Dude, so do I ;__; So do I

…I suddenly find myself very interested in Orpheus the Angry Vigoroth… o.o

I should write a new one-shot all about him

I ADORE THAT LINE. *_______*

So did I, I was like "fenit, you are a genious!"

Absolutely fantastic work; one of your very best to date, IMO. This is just the sort of stuff I just frelling love to read about: death, and very cold weather. Good God, how I long for the latter to visit me. The former, however, can kindly take its dear sweet time. XD Anyway, boss stuff. SALUTE! ^^

You'll love A Scarlet Christmas 2, then! Thanks!
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
Death and very cold weather is good. ^^

I quite liked this piece from you, Iceking. Pokémon perspective, and more serious than your previous fanfic works you've been doing lately. The story of the Breloom and his son was sad. ;;... And, I'm sad to say, I would've laughed if Amadeus (via kicking) made his son's head shatter into pieces or something.. XD Don't ask me why, but I would have. Glad it didn't happen though.

And the Murkrow flying (and running into trees) was, as Sike is fond to say, 'boss'. ^^

Prying his gaze from the tree, Amadeus turned to bury his son, but he was already buried. A good layer of snow had blanketed his son; it was snowing again

The Son-Son repetition in the first and second sentence seems a little... odd sounding. I'd replace the second 'son' with another pronoun or... something.

This is definitely one of your better works (it doesn't yet beat the first chapter of A Scarlet Christmas for me, yet, though). Good luck on ASC II BTW. ^^ Look forward to it.
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Death and very cold weather is good. ^^

Indeed it is

I quite liked this piece from you, Iceking. Pokémon perspective, and more serious than your previous fanfic works you've been doing lately. The story of the Breloom and his son was sad. ;;... And, I'm sad to say, I would've laughed if Amadeus (via kicking) made his son's head shatter into pieces or something.. XD Don't ask me why, but I would have. Glad it didn't happen though.

i would have laughed too, but it's still horrilbe to do that XD

And the Murkrow flying (and running into trees) was, as Sike is fond to say, 'boss'. ^^

Now imagine watching it

The Son-Son repetition in the first and second sentence seems a little... odd sounding. I'd replace the second 'son' with another pronoun or... something.

This is definitely one of your better works (it doesn't yet beat the first chapter of A Scarlet Christmas for me, yet, though). Good luck on ASC II BTW. ^^ Look forward to it.

I really need some actual writing inspiration for ASC II... And thanks for your review!
 

Praxiteles

Friendly POKéMON.
I haven't reviewed many of your fictions, but I have known for a while about your satirical talent. Here is to you, sir, for conquering the best of both worlds! *toasts IceKing*

This is beautiful. I love how you personalized everything, and gave poor Amadeus a normal, tragedy-stricken personality. I've only done godly immortals almost shattering underneath their ungodly burdens XD. In any case, the Breloom's reminiscence upon the death of his wife was very well done, and the flight of the Murkrow was described in dazzling terms. I particularly like this:

They had fled the rapture; they were the saints ascending into the Heavens.

Magnificent. I know how you feel with the watermelon plants; my beloved croton plant almost got uprooted in a harsh windstorm, and it's beginning to wither :( It might still survive, however...

Anyways, both the beginning and the end are very satisfying. Especially the end. It was warm.. How sweet, yet macabre at the same time... Nice work with the Murkrow flight descritption, yet again. You put such a golden mental image inside my head, with that MURKROW GO SPLATT INTO TREE thingy. May I say, yet again, that you have conquered the best of both worlds?

Oh, by the way, Sike, Oliver shattering into a million ice shards is the BEST IMAGE EVER! Well, no, it is a bit sadistic, but still, hee hee hee!

^ Ignore me there.

All in all, awesome tragedy fiction. Keep up the good work.
 
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