The Official Advice Thread

[Zenotwapal]

I do it because I always try to focus while doing it so others can't see. I get really nervous whenever some gets to see it rather my close friends because it's in anime style, and like that incident I mentioned, that's the reason.

Not to put down what you draw, but try drawing LESS provocative material IN CLASS. Don't draw curvy anime girls, draw something that they can't give you **** for. Don't give people a reason to pick on you and out you down, lets be sensible about this. This goes for anything you do in school.

Plus you just said it yourself you're a freshman. You're gonna get picked on solely because of that. Don't let it get to you kid.

 

[Moonrox]

Me again... I'm looking for advice on a relationship, but it's a little complex. I'm 13, she's 14. It has a lot to do with depression - suicide, cutting, etc. but I'm not looking for "tell an adult" or anything like that because it's not an option anymore. I don't trust any adults enough to tell them, and last time I did, I ended up in a mental hospital for nine days.

So, let's start with her. Let's call her Emily for the sake of story-telling. I've known her for a long time, but never really been friends with her, just, known her. A couple months ago, we started talking over Facebook a lot. We quickly became really good friends. She told me she liked me more than a friend but wasn't ready for a proper relationship yet, and I felt the same way. I fell in love with her soon after that, and it's been that way ever since. But, then came the arguments. I don't remember what they were all about, but obviously they weren't about anything important or I'd remember them. We'd argue nearly every day and then take week-long breaks from each other, and apologize afterwards. The thing we both failed to realize is, sorry means you won't do it again.

We were more than just normal friends at this point. Or maybe less. There was an awkward and tense feeling between us for the longest time, and it slowly tore us apart. We'd both hurt each other to the point that we both started cutting. She moved on and we continued to be "friends" while she started dating other guys. It hurt to watch her date anyone other than me, but I kept my mouth shut for the sake of peace. Lots of stuff happened here that I'll leave out, and I've already left out a lot, so if you want to know anything, just ask.

Now, the problem is... earlier tonight she told me that she'd tried to drown herself to death. Then she told me she planned on doing it again because of something I'd said to her in an argument. At this point, we were both just friends, and the feeling was mutual. She had a breakdown - she'd lost a few of her best friends and couldn't handle it. I'm the same way. I have nobody, no one other than her right now. I've lost all of my friends, I'm an outcast, and she's the only person I have left. Even my parents emotionally abuse me.

I'll post the conversation here, my name is replaced with Silver. It follows on from the point that she told me she was going to try and kill herself again, somewhere where her boyfriend won't be able to stop her.

Emily:
Because we both know because of what you said
I'll try to again

Silver:
Me too I guess.

Emily:
I'm going to say "No Silver, don't even think of it" Because guess what? I actually care about you. You aren't even telling me to Not do it again...

Silver:
Because I know you won't listen.

Emily:
J=

Silver:
I'd tell you to stop, but I'd sooner join you. If you're going to die, I might as well too.

Emily:
k night bye

Silver:
And just so you know, the first thing I did was tell (other friend) and friend #1) to text you and tell you to stop because you logged off... I didn't tell them what stopping meant, I just said stop.

Emily:
Friend #1 doesn't care about me, and (other friend) is ignoring me They don't care about me!

Silver:
And because I'd hoped you'd listen to them rather than me. But you're fighting with both of them.
Friend #1 cares about you, she just has herself to care about. (Other friend) thinks YOU'RE ignoring HER.

Emily:
Well if she ****ing texts me for once... She never answers me. Friend #1 said, quote: "I'm fed up with you! everytime we hang out you say I wanna be alone and you go and be all depressed! well guess what! i'm done!

Silver:
Yeah,I know, friend #1 just told me the story...
Remind you of anyone?
Now you know how I felt when you said you were fed up with me...
I'd rather you cut than attempt suicide. Just don't. You're stronger than this.

Emily:
Yeah! Night. And OF ****ING COURSE. You know what? I'm done with you, and friend #1), and ____(her friend), and almost every other ****ing person on this planet. This is why i tried. I'm crying now because I think you don't care about me. I know it's not true, but at the moment, IT ****ING SEEMS THAT WAY. she didn't even let me respond! She didn't tell you the whole story!
She screamed at me then I tried to respond but no words came! I started running from her, and my boyfriend stayed with her! He started running after me, and found me in the alley by canadian tire basically cutting myself with glass on my feet! He offered me his shoes and I took them. Then he told me (friend #1) was just upset but then he went on about how he felt that she's right! I do act depressed!
When we got back to my plc, he grabbed my wrist and found out about the cutting. He started crying because of it. Then Started talking like crazy saying the whole story of what happened while I was running, apparently she had said something about me trying to drown for attention. For ****S SAKES. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I'd be ****ing dead and happy with it! Now, since you've heard MY side of the story, what do you say?

Silver:
I say... If I make you that depressed, I'm not worth your time.
I'm not worth anyone's time and you know that.

Emily:
It's not just you. But you and your drama is just too much for me now. Maybe a break? I'll talk to you monday.
Bye

Silver:
...
Another ****ing break. Me and my drama. I'm going to kill myself. Deal with it.

Emily:
No. No you're not.
Please don't.

Silver:
Yes, I am. I've hurt you too much. This'll hurt you, but it'll be better for you in the long run.
This'll be better for a lot of people. I'll do it Monday at school. Out a window, maybe.
Don't try and stop me. You're wasting your time. There's only one way to stop me and it's not happening. He makes you happy, I can't take that away for my own selfish reasons.


This is the last thing I said to her. I'm asking for advice on how to fix our relationship. Because I can't live without her.

 

[Houka]

Phew some issue here. Unless she get pass what you said then it won't really fix anything. I know this mindset, went through it myself. Consoling would be the best idea assuming you can find one that helpful, who even send you off without really understanding your issue isn't doing there job.

Only thing else I can say is well maybe move on. Can you spend some time away from her and not think about her?

I don't think it really is the drama but something else in her side of things that probably causing issues. Knowing this mindset, she in a delusional state believe that everyone hates or out to get her, even if they are trying to help. The fact that she is trying to end yourself really shows that her depression is at the highest point. I highly suggest someone to look into her before it's too late.

If you can't then you just gonna have to wait and see if she does get out of it. All I can say is good luck on it and your choices.

 

[Vernikova]

I'm 13, she's 14. It has a lot to do with depression - suicide, cutting, etc. but I'm not looking for "tell an adult" or anything like that because it's not an option anymore. I don't trust any adults enough to tell them, and last time I did, I ended up in a mental hospital for nine days.

she told me that she'd tried to drown herself to death. Then she told me she planned on doing it again because of something

Friend #1 doesn't care about me, and (other friend) is ignoring me They don't care about me!

Emily:
Yeah! Night. And OF ****ING COURSE. You know what? I'm done with you, and friend #1), and ____(her friend), and almost every other ****ing person on this planet. This is why i tried. I'm crying now because I think you don't care about me. I know it's not true, but at the moment, IT ****ING SEEMS THAT WAY. she didn't even let me respond! She didn't tell you the whole story!
She screamed at me then I tried to respond but no words came! I started running from her, and my boyfriend stayed with her! He started running after me, and found me in the alley by canadian tire basically cutting myself with glass on my feet! He offered me his shoes and I took them. Then he told me (friend #1) was just upset but then he went on about how he felt that she's right! I do act depressed!
When we got back to my plc, he grabbed my wrist and found out about the cutting. He started crying because of it. Then Started talking like crazy saying the whole story of what happened while I was running, apparently she had said something about me trying to drown for attention. For ****S SAKES. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I'd be ****ing dead and happy with it! Now, since you've heard MY side of the story, what do you say?


I'm not worth anyone's time and you know that.

This'll be better for a lot of people. I'll do it Monday at school. Out a window, maybe.

Because I can't live without her.

You're giving people more reasons as to why thirteen-year-old kids shouldn't date.

By the way, tell an adult. You guys obviously don't know how to fix it yourselves and the last place you want advice about this kind of stuff is a Pokemon forum.

 

[Haunter ゴースト]

Okay.

First things first, every time she says she's gonna kill herself, regardless of whether she'll listen or not make sure you tell her not to. Showing you don't want her to do it is a subliminal message in her mind that will hold her back. Also, it's just common sense to tell someone not to do so.

You on the other hand need to shut up and stop provoking everything by saying you'll kill yourself too. One - it's weird. Two - she's gonna be put off of you by this, nobody wants a mopey miserable person in there life, you need to act postive instead of acting all "oh yeah if you do it i will too blah blah".

Everything else in this conversation is straight forward, I can only tell you the guidelines but you have to implement them yourself (you may be upset, depressed etc. but you still have to follow everything):

-Never belittle/make fun of yourself in conversation with her, always show her that you're the one who's on top (In the convo you were saying you're not worth anyone's time DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE THIS) - The reason for this is that by belittling yourself in conversation (or making fun of yourself) the girl will look at these flaws and 90% of the time agree purely because you pointed them out. If you don't say bad things about yourself, there's a high chance she will never think of them. It's like when somebody trips on a curve and says "Damn I'm so clumsy", sure it may be true, but by saying this you're giving the impression that you're an idiot. If you want to come off as cool/respectable, you need to act like you're great/perfect (EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT IT DOESN'T MATTER, THE POINT IS NOT TO MAKE PEOPLE NOTICE THESE THINGS ABOUT YOU).

-Act happy, be happy. Show her that your life is improving/getting better. As I said up above, don't act all miserable because that is the number one thing people hate in a partner. If you show your dealing with life well, she'll be impressed (may even find it attractive) and may even follow in your footsteps.

-Act confident. Stop being all mopey (this all sounds harsh I know but it's all for your benefit) and depressive saying stuff with a lot of these: '....', it sounds slow, miserable and partially awkward to say the least. Take this part of your convo for example:

Silver:
I say... If I make you that depressed, I'm not worth your time.
I'm not worth anyone's time and you know that.

Considering you spend a week or two, maybe a month following these footsteps, a good response to what she said at that point in the conversation would have been "You're done with me? Look, i've heard your side of the story, and I say you need to cheer up. If you're boyfriend is causing you to feel so miserable then you need to find a way to fix it. If it means breaking up with him do it, i'm not sticking around to pick up all the pieces whenever you two fall out. I'm not the wingman, I have my own life to live" (notice the final part is you talking about yourself, this is likely to gain her attention and interest as she'll wonder what you've got planned and that your life doesn't revolve around hers. There's a phrase you don't realise what you had till it's gone, she'll notice when you're gone and want you back.

So yeah, basically i've tried to give you some pointers dude on how to act, cause the way you're acting around this chick is unbelievable and is no surprise it's not getting anywhere. Get some positivity in your life and I'm sure things will work out.

All the best.

 

[varanus_komodoensis]

Phew some issue here. Unless she get pass what you said then it won't really fix anything. I know this mindset, went through it myself. Consoling would be the best idea assuming you can find one that helpful, who even send you off without really understanding your issue isn't doing there job.

Only thing else I can say is well maybe move on. Can you spend some time away from her and not think about her?

I don't think it really is the drama but something else in her side of things that probably causing issues. Knowing this mindset, she in a delusional state believe that everyone hates or out to get her, even if they are trying to help. The fact that she is trying to end yourself really shows that her depression is at the highest point. I highly suggest someone to look into her before it's too late.

If you can't then you just gonna have to wait and see if she does get out of it. All I can say is good luck on it and your choices.

Everything Houka said, I agree with. I know you said that you said you don't have any adults you can talk to, but you need to find one. You are a minor and because of that, you don't have a whole lot of power to make decisions. You also do not have the wisdom or life experience to know what is best for people in your and Emily's situation. I remember when I was 13; I thought that my friends in middle school would be lifelong, that I knew myself and what I wanted in my life, and I thought I was mature enough to make adult decisions - none of that was true. Minors are considered minors and are not allowed to make adult decisions for a reason, and you have GOT to find an adult - a teacher, an aunt or uncle, a cousin, a counselor, a police officer - SOMEONE who you can entrust to make adult decisions for you, because believe it or not, they DO know what's best for you and they DO have your best interests in mind.

You "can't live without her". This probably seems true at this point in your life. It's not true. You can live without her and she can live without you. Adults in mature relationships realize that they do not NEED their significant other, and that if something were to happen to them that they could move on and still be happy. If you think you cannot be happy without a certain person in your life, then you are NOT in a healthy relationship and it needs to end.

Lastly, what I most agree with that Houka said is that you two - although you may love, or think you love (whichever it turns out to be), each other - this relationship is not healthy in any way. It is NOT healthy to threaten suicide to your significant other. It is NOT healthy if your significant other drives you to cutting. It is NOT healthy to make up and break up every other week. Until both of you get this resolved and can be happy without each other, you do NOT need to be in this relationship, and you probably don't even need to be talking to each other. I know that that will hurt, but it will be best for both of you until you can sort these issues out.

 

[ParaChomp]

Watched the second episode of Tropes vs. Women in Video Games and my guilt is relentlessly gnawing away at me again...

 

[Moonrox]

Everything Houka said, I agree with. I know you said that you said you don't have any adults you can talk to, but you need to find one. You are a minor and because of that, you don't have a whole lot of power to make decisions. You also do not have the wisdom or life experience to know what is best for people in your and Emily's situation. I remember when I was 13; I thought that my friends in middle school would be lifelong, that I knew myself and what I wanted in my life, and I thought I was mature enough to make adult decisions - none of that was true. Minors are considered minors and are not allowed to make adult decisions for a reason, and you have GOT to find an adult - a teacher, an aunt or uncle, a cousin, a counselor, a police officer - SOMEONE who you can entrust to make adult decisions for you, because believe it or not, they DO know what's best for you and they DO have your best interests in mind.

You "can't live without her". This probably seems true at this point in your life. It's not true. You can live without her and she can live without you. Adults in mature relationships realize that they do not NEED their significant other, and that if something were to happen to them that they could move on and still be happy. If you think you cannot be happy without a certain person in your life, then you are NOT in a healthy relationship and it needs to end.

Lastly, what I most agree with that Houka said is that you two - although you may love, or think you love (whichever it turns out to be), each other - this relationship is not healthy in any way. It is NOT healthy to threaten suicide to your significant other. It is NOT healthy if your significant other drives you to cutting. It is NOT healthy to make up and break up every other week. Until both of you get this resolved and can be happy without each other, you do NOT need to be in this relationship, and you probably don't even need to be talking to each other. I know that that will hurt, but it will be best for both of you until you can sort these issues out.

Thank you. I told someone else, a kid in my grade, about this all, in hopes of getting some advice. She told her mother, her mother told the teacher, the teacher told the principal, the principal told my mother. I also told my mother who told the principal about Emily's attempted suicide and future plans of suicide, so she'll be getting help. Emily hates me right now, but regardless of her feelings for me, I'm reassured by the fact that she'll be getting needed help.

Okay.

First things first, every time she says she's gonna kill herself, regardless of whether she'll listen or not make sure you tell her not to. Showing you don't want her to do it is a subliminal message in her mind that will hold her back. Also, it's just common sense to tell someone not to do so.

You on the other hand need to shut up and stop provoking everything by saying you'll kill yourself too. One - it's weird. Two - she's gonna be put off of you by this, nobody wants a mopey miserable person in there life, you need to act postive instead of acting all "oh yeah if you do it i will too blah blah".

Everything else in this conversation is straight forward, I can only tell you the guidelines but you have to implement them yourself (you may be upset, depressed etc. but you still have to follow everything):

-Never belittle/make fun of yourself in conversation with her, always show her that you're the one who's on top (In the convo you were saying you're not worth anyone's time DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE THIS) - The reason for this is that by belittling yourself in conversation (or making fun of yourself) the girl will look at these flaws and 90% of the time agree purely because you pointed them out. If you don't say bad things about yourself, there's a high chance she will never think of them. It's like when somebody trips on a curve and says "Damn I'm so clumsy", sure it may be true, but by saying this you're giving the impression that you're an idiot. If you want to come off as cool/respectable, you need to act like you're great/perfect (EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT IT DOESN'T MATTER, THE POINT IS NOT TO MAKE PEOPLE NOTICE THESE THINGS ABOUT YOU).

-Act happy, be happy. Show her that your life is improving/getting better. As I said up above, don't act all miserable because that is the number one thing people hate in a partner. If you show your dealing with life well, she'll be impressed (may even find it attractive) and may even follow in your footsteps.

-Act confident. Stop being all mopey (this all sounds harsh I know but it's all for your benefit) and depressive saying stuff with a lot of these: '....', it sounds slow, miserable and partially awkward to say the least. Take this part of your convo for example:

Silver:
I say... If I make you that depressed, I'm not worth your time.
I'm not worth anyone's time and you know that.

Considering you spend a week or two, maybe a month following these footsteps, a good response to what she said at that point in the conversation would have been "You're done with me? Look, i've heard your side of the story, and I say you need to cheer up. If you're boyfriend is causing you to feel so miserable then you need to find a way to fix it. If it means breaking up with him do it, i'm not sticking around to pick up all the pieces whenever you two fall out. I'm not the wingman, I have my own life to live" (notice the final part is you talking about yourself, this is likely to gain her attention and interest as she'll wonder what you've got planned and that your life doesn't revolve around hers. There's a phrase you don't realise what you had till it's gone, she'll notice when you're gone and want you back.

So yeah, basically i've tried to give you some pointers dude on how to act, cause the way you're acting around this chick is unbelievable and is no surprise it's not getting anywhere. Get some positivity in your life and I'm sure things will work out.

All the best.

This is really nice to hear. Thank you. I sort of knew this, but, sub-consciously. Law of attraction. If I act negative, I attract negative people.

 

[Zazie]

Watched the second episode of Tropes vs. Women in Video Games and my guilt is relentlessly gnawing away at me again...

The video really isn't about you, it's about sexist tropes in video games. She just wants to make it part of the discussion and get people to care enough to ask for change. If you feel like the tropes are problem, you can do just that. She isn't trying to say you are a bad person.

If you still feel this bad about it however, perhaps you should should talk to a therapist of something, because your reaction doesn't seem to be a healthy response.

 

[Houka]

Thank you. I told someone else, a kid in my grade, about this all, in hopes of getting some advice. She told her mother, her mother told the teacher, the teacher told the principal, the principal told my mother. I also told my mother who told the principal about Emily's attempted suicide and future plans of suicide, so she'll be getting help. Emily hates me right now, but regardless of her feelings for me, I'm reassured by the fact that she'll be getting needed help.

Good! She may not like it now but it should help her in the future for sure.

 

[KillerDraco]

If you still feel this bad about it however, perhaps you should should talk to a therapist of something, because your reaction doesn't seem to be a healthy response.

Disagree about it being an unhealthy response. The videos are intended to evoke a certain degree of guilt, that's what makes them hit home rather than just being written off as "Oh, well it's them, not me". Even though it explicitly says there's nothing wrong with liking said video games, as she herself likes plenty of those games, it's just a technique used in the video to make people think. And, well, guilt gets people thinking. The videos don't condemn those who play said video games, but it's more of a guilt along the lines of getting people to realize "I never really even thought about this".

That said, the guilt will pass, since as you said, it's not about the individual, but rather the tropes and general trends in the media. But it is meant to get people thinking, above all else. And that's a perfectly normal response.

 

[Zazie]

Normally I would agree 100% but all of Parachomp's have been really heavy on the guilt thing. (not to say I am necessarily right, but that was my line of thinking)

 

[JD]

Is a 2004 Volkswagen Jetta a good first car? My mom,dad and I recently saw one at an Auto Dealership for $5,999 and I really like it.

 

[varanus_komodoensis]

Thank you. I told someone else, a kid in my grade, about this all, in hopes of getting some advice. She told her mother, her mother told the teacher, the teacher told the principal, the principal told my mother. I also told my mother who told the principal about Emily's attempted suicide and future plans of suicide, so she'll be getting help. Emily hates me right now, but regardless of her feelings for me, I'm reassured by the fact that she'll be getting needed help.

I'm glad everything is working out well for you and your friend. I really do wish you both the best!

Is a 2004 Volkswagen Jetta a good first car? My mom,dad and I recently saw one at an Auto Dealership for $5,999 and I really like it.

My sister got a 2001 Volkswagen Jetta as her first car 5 years ago, and it's still running great and in really good condition. She loves that car, too. We're actually taking it on a road trip on Thursday I've driven it and it's a nice car and it's very safe. I'm sure the 2004 version is even better. I would recommend a Jetta to anyone as a first car. Of course, as with any first car, if you're buying it used, make sure you check the Carfax and have a mechanic look at it before you buy, because you never know what someone might have done to it. But if a mechanic checks it out and says it looks good, I'd say go for it!

A thing about Jettas that's strange, though - they all smell like crayons. Like seriously; ask any Jetta owner. They'll tell you their car smells like crayons. It's weird.

 

[JD]

I'm glad everything is working out well for you and your friend. I really do wish you both the best!



My sister got a 2001 Volkswagen Jetta as her first car 5 years ago, and it's still running great and in really good condition. She loves that car, too. We're actually taking it on a road trip on Thursday I've driven it and it's a nice car and it's very safe. I'm sure the 2004 version is even better. I would recommend a Jetta to anyone as a first car. Of course, as with any first car, if you're buying it used, make sure you check the Carfax and have a mechanic look at it before you buy, because you never know what someone might have done to it. But if a mechanic checks it out and says it looks good, I'd say go for it!

A thing about Jettas that's strange, though - they all smell like crayons. Like seriously; ask any Jetta owner. They'll tell you their car smells like crayons. It's weird.

Alright, thanks!

 

[Steampunk]

ok i got a problem:
i am trying to find an old friend of mine on facebook, he moved away when we were like 10ish, we didnt have cell phones or email or anything yet so we had no way to contact each other, i just had the brain fart to find him on facebook, but there are 2 problems:
1) i wouldnt be able to recognise his pic cuz its been years so i dont know if i got the right person
2) i cant exacly remember how to spell his last name XD
any suggestions?

i remember the last name just not how to spell it and i did what u suggested for problem #2 and i would up with problem #1, but yeah i will check my friends lists, thankls.

Just thought id mention that i finally found him after a long time of looking XD

 

[JD]

Why do I keep having dreams about my crush? It's been happening a few times over two years. I haven't talked to her that much this year but I know that I still kind of like her does anyone know why this is happening?

 

[WizardTrubbish]

I need some advice. Which gun is best for shooting gay men - an AK-47 or an Uzi submachine gun?

Here's something that may help you

 

[Shadow Lucario]

Why do I keep having dreams about my crush? It's been happening a few times over two years. I haven't talked to her that much this year but I know that I still kind of like her does anyone know why this is happening?

It might be because of the fact that you still somewhat like her. My personal experience is that if someone has made a significant impact on my life in any way, I will have a dream about them at some point in time. Were you two extremely close?

 

[Vernikova]

Why do I keep having dreams

about my crush

I don't know why.