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The Official Advice Thread

PsychedelicJellyfish

formerly R. New
Welp, it's been a long while since I last posted here. Fortunately this post shouldn't be anywhere near as whiny and stupid as any I've made in the past.

SO, I've recently entered into a long-distance relationship ("long" as in "separated by an ocean"). I really like the girl and she feels the same way and we're determined for it to work, and we want to do the whole "making it official on Facebook and to our families and friends" thing. However, I just can't shake worries that people will react badly and I fear mockery and stuff, plus the fact that my mum has been known to be very iffy about people on the Internet. So I'm uncertain as to how exactly to go about this. Should I tell people about it now (and if so, what would be the best to do that?), or should I put it on Facebook and let people ask about it if they want to?

I'm completely aware that I'm probably overthinking this, but humour me. I thank you in advance for your replies.
 

c1234

Trainer Since '98
Welp, it's been a long while since I last posted here. Fortunately this post shouldn't be anywhere near as whiny and stupid as any I've made in the past.

SO, I've recently entered into a long-distance relationship ("long" as in "separated by an ocean"). I really like the girl and she feels the same way and we're determined for it to work, and we want to do the whole "making it official on Facebook and to our families and friends" thing. However, I just can't shake worries that people will react badly and I fear mockery and stuff, plus the fact that my mum has been known to be very iffy about people on the Internet. So I'm uncertain as to how exactly to go about this. Should I tell people about it now (and if so, what would be the best to do that?), or should I put it on Facebook and let people ask about it if they want to?

I'm completely aware that I'm probably overthinking this, but humour me. I thank you in advance for your replies.

As a general rule of thumb, long distance relationships will not work unless you are only apart for a short time, and you have a definite time that you are going to be meeting back up.
I was in a long distance relationship for the better part of a year, but it turns out that the girl was cheating on me the whole time we were "together". If you do have to separate from you significant other, just make sure that they are someone that you can trust, and that you aren't apart for too long.

If this is someone that you just met on the internet and have never met in person I strongly advise against the relationship. Try to find someone in your own country that you can love. I'm not saying it is impossible for this scenario to work, but most of the time it will end with heartbreak.
 

UnovaMaster

Well-Known Member
Hello everyone. You see, I have some roots in a box that I've been meaning to burn.

Anyone know where I can find a good flamethrower?
 

Profesco

gone gently
Welp, it's been a long while since I last posted here. Fortunately this post shouldn't be anywhere near as whiny and stupid as any I've made in the past.

SO, I've recently entered into a long-distance relationship ("long" as in "separated by an ocean"). I really like the girl and she feels the same way and we're determined for it to work, and we want to do the whole "making it official on Facebook and to our families and friends" thing. However, I just can't shake worries that people will react badly and I fear mockery and stuff, plus the fact that my mum has been known to be very iffy about people on the Internet. So I'm uncertain as to how exactly to go about this. Should I tell people about it now (and if so, what would be the best to do that?), or should I put it on Facebook and let people ask about it if they want to?

I'm completely aware that I'm probably overthinking this, but humour me. I thank you in advance for your replies.

Good luck, formerly R.New. You've picked a difficult relationship to be in.

First advice: Don't worry about mockery. It will almost certainly happen, and since you already know what a longshot the relationship is, you can laugh right alongside the mockers. Yes, it is a little ridiculous to be "together" when you're so far apart, but you're going to give it the old college try anyway, and that's cool. It's alright to laugh at your relationship while still holding it dear.

Second advice: If you want to tell people you've found someone you really like, but you're just not able to be together in person yet, that can be fine. Obviously don't open with, "I'm in love!" In my experience, a calm way of opening the discussion is to start with mentioning how long you've been friends and how nice the other person is. I had to do this once, and I even managed to get my anti-internet grandmother to be happy for me.

Again, good luck. ^_^


Edit: Actually, I may as well see if there are any well-heeled sartorialists here in Misc. I'm in the market for a durable, lightweight summer blazer (or sportcoat). I'm not going to spend a few hundred dollars on one, though. I don't suppose anyone here has sought and bought such a thing in the past?
 
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Prelude

Prelude
under 50 is basically target. not good but not bad for price

between 50 and 100 can get you h&m, zara, uniqlo, jcpenney, gap, old navy, land's end/canvas

between 100 and 150 can get you or jcrew factory or express

between 150 and 200 best options are probably banana republic and jcrew


h&m/zara/uniqlo/express are modern brands with slimmer fits which is probably what you want. durable and cheap don't overlap though. nothing under 100 will get you good quality and i've heard express isn't known for their quality either. i have a lot of jcrew factory stuff and i'm happy with them if that means anything to you. but if you don't wear it more than once every week or two then you'll probably be fine with uniqlo or zara.

and size trumps all. if i had to choose the cheapest blazer in the world that fit perfectly or the most expensive one that was 2 inches too big, i'd pick the cheap one. get measured. it's free.
 
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PsychedelicJellyfish

formerly R. New
Good luck, formerly R.New. You've picked a difficult relationship to be in.

First advice: Don't worry about mockery. It will almost certainly happen, and since you already know what a longshot the relationship is, you can laugh right alongside the mockers. Yes, it is a little ridiculous to be "together" when you're so far apart, but you're going to give it the old college try anyway, and that's cool. It's alright to laugh at your relationship while still holding it dear.

Second advice: If you want to tell people you've found someone you really like, but you're just not able to be together in person yet, that can be fine. Obviously don't open with, "I'm in love!" In my experience, a calm way of opening the discussion is to start with mentioning how long you've been friends and how nice the other person is. I had to do this once, and I even managed to get my anti-internet grandmother to be happy for me.

Again, good luck. ^_^

Thank you c: We "officialised" it last night, and so far I've only had people be happy for me so I feel like I was stupid to fear mockery, at least as much as I did. I am very aware that it will be difficult to make this work, and I have accepted the fact that it might not, but we're bloody well going to try. We're very probably going to see each other around this time next year, but we're hoping to fix it so she can come here over the Christmas holiday this year ^_^
 

Pesky Persian

Caffeine Queen
Thank you c: We "officialised" it last night, and so far I've only had people be happy for me so I feel like I was stupid to fear mockery, at least as much as I did. I am very aware that it will be difficult to make this work, and I have accepted the fact that it might not, but we're bloody well going to try. We're very probably going to see each other around this time next year, but we're hoping to fix it so she can come here over the Christmas holiday this year ^_^

Good luck! I think Profesco gave you some excellent advice. You will undoubtedly come across people who will put you down for it. It's something that most people don't understand and can't relate to, but don't ever let those people discourage you. It is extremely difficult, but it can be worth it if it's the right person. The only other piece of advice I can give you is that if you don't already have a job, get one. LDRs are extremely expensive if you want to see each other, and you learn to budget things pretty darn quick.
 

Final Flash

I've still got it.
I need some help, I'm really turning into a wreck right now.

The night before last, my cat passed away. We had him since he was a few weeks old, and he was 14 so yeah we had him for a while. I was upset but I got over it, I usually deal with death pretty easily.

However, this morning I woke up to hearing that my dog passed away. I know they're not related because the dog is outdoors and the cat comes and goes.

I'm shaken and I'm becoming increasingly paranoid and scared of what will happen to my other pets. I don't know what to do or how to get my mind off of things.
 

Flaaffy180

Flaaffy Master
Well,

I need some help, I'm really turning into a wreck right now.

The night before last, my cat passed away. We had him since he was a few weeks old, and he was 14 so yeah we had him for a while. I was upset but I got over it, I usually deal with death pretty easily.

However, this morning I woke up to hearing that my dog passed away. I know they're not related because the dog is outdoors and the cat comes and goes.

I'm shaken and I'm becoming increasingly paranoid and scared of what will happen to my other pets. I don't know what to do or how to get my mind off of things.

This must of been a horrible experience for you. Its hard to say but this is life and people and animals will die eventually. Theres no reason to not be shaken or not to cry about it as its totally understandable. The storeys really long but my dog had puppies a year ago and whilst Jen (The mother) was in hospital we lost two of the seven pups. Okay they were one week old and I didn't know the puppies but its just how they were took out of this world and how early there lives ended that got me shaken. I may not have raised the puppies but every time I speak about them I begin to cry. Just last month I cried in school after someone talked about death in dogs. Now that's a memory that's going to stick with me for life.

As for your cat, a cats average life span is around thirteen years so he did well to live to fourteen. This death would of been a cause of nature (Old age in other words) that took his life. As for your dog I wouldn't be sure of what happened to him/her.

What you have to do is accept death and just think of what a happy life you gave your two wonderful pets. Im sure there always looking down on you every step you take :) For the future pets just give them a happy life while there still in this world.

Good luck for the future =D
;180;
 

Cassafrass1999

A new beginning! <3
Hmm... well I need some advice. So I was wondering if creating my own RPG would be a smart idea. I have a bit of time on my hands (I am usually on here for at least an hour a day, but usually more. It just depends on what is going on each day for me), but I am not sure if that is enough time to keep in touch with the RPG I may create. I can at least make a few posts on the thread a day, but I am not sure if that is enough... and you can't delete your RPG thread once you have created it, right? So do you guys think this is a wise idea (and that it will be fun!), or that I would end up regretting it? I am also writing a fan-fic right now, so so you guys think that both an RPG AND fan-fic all at once would be too much? And what about once school starts back up for me? Hmmm... :/ I checked out the other RPG's floating around in the RPG section, but none of them stood out to me since they had too mature of themes, and just didn't really appeal to me. :/ Please give me an honest answer and response! Thanks. :)
 
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Latch

Funky Fresh
I need some help, I'm really turning into a wreck right now.

The night before last, my cat passed away. We had him since he was a few weeks old, and he was 14 so yeah we had him for a while. I was upset but I got over it, I usually deal with death pretty easily.

However, this morning I woke up to hearing that my dog passed away. I know they're not related because the dog is outdoors and the cat comes and goes.

I'm shaken and I'm becoming increasingly paranoid and scared of what will happen to my other pets. I don't know what to do or how to get my mind off of things.

First off, I'd like to sat that in the month of February my dog and Grandfather passed away. I've been there and I know an animal's passing is equivalent to a close friend's.
The easiest way I found is finding closure. Just talk or remember all the good times you and your pets have had. They're times where I still hear my old dog wandering around my house and I know she's watching over me. Something that helped was the arrival of my new dog which brought me comfort and happiness to help me through when I was down.
Don't get worried about your other pets because sometimes it's just their time and you have to accept it at whatever point you're ready. But, spending time with your friend and family and being happy is the best thing you can do for yourself. Because I bet your animals only tried to bring you joy. I hope whatever you choose to do, that you're happy because I know how hard that is. If you need anything just message me, man. I hope things get better.
 

Houka

Well-Known Member
Hmm... well I need some advice. So I was wondering if creating my own RPG would be a smart idea. I have a bit of time on my hands (I am usually on here for at least an hour a day, but usually more. It just depends on what is going on each day for me), but I am not sure if that is enough time to keep in touch with the RPG I may create. I can at least make a few posts on the thread a day, but I am not sure if that is enough... and you can't delete your RPG thread once you have created it, right? So do you guys think this is a wise idea (and that it will be fun!), or that I would end up regretting it? I am also writing a fan-fic right now, so so you guys think that both an RPG AND fan-fic all at once would be too much? And what about once school starts back up for me? Hmmm... :/ I checked out the other RPG's floating around in the RPG section, but none of them stood out to me since they had too mature of themes, and just didn't really appeal to me. :/ Please give me an honest answer and response! Thanks. :)

Well that would depend, are ya just gonna be a like the narrator, side character, or a active character. Unless it's gonna be active (Lot a post per day) then a once a day check up or so should be find. You can ask someone who's more active one to watch the thread if you really that worried. I can't see why not you can't write your Fic while keeping tabs on your thread. If you got a lot of time and all. If your gonna be very busy then I wouldn't recommend it.

If your just unsure with RPG in general start a simple one and see if you like doing them. Getting into the rift of things will help you understand how these work. Read the rules ask about if your unsure of something.
 

Cassafrass1999

A new beginning! <3
Alright, thanks for the help Houka! I have been thinking about it, and I don't think creating my own RPG is a good idea for me, but joining someone else's RPG is another story... I think I may go for it; we will have to see. Thanks for the help! :)

@ Final Flash - This must have been a very hard experience for you... I am so sorry. :( But I can tell you that something similar happened with our cat just recently (Daisy was her name)... she ran away from home for some mysterious reason about a month or so ago. How or why? We are not sure... but I can just say this - we had this cat for many, many years (as long as I can remember, probably since I was four-five or so, and I am now fourteen!) She was my buddy, one of my best friends... she loved everyone in our family, but she seemed to love me the most (not that I am bragging or anything, but I was the one she came to the most. We were best friends). I loved her and she loved me, and we were best friends. I still can't believe this happened... we did everything we could to get her back. We put up posters, told our friends to watch and see if they find her, etc. Nothing worked though. I still have hope that she will come back some day, but a truly great miracle would have to happen if that wish came true. I just hope that a nice family took her in, gave her a home... she was a very good cat... she always made me smile when I was having a bad day, was always there for me... I don't know why she would run away like that. We think it may have been the havoc of redesigning some things in our home at the time that may have spooked her to running out the door, but we will never be sure... but one thing I know for sure is that she will always be in my heart, and that I will never forget her. Just writing this is making me cry... sometimes even now when I am doing minor things such as letting our husky Max out (another dear friend of mine, but he is starting to get older as well, and we can tell that his hips are bothering him. We have been doing all we can to help him with that, however... he is around ten years old now), and while I am doing that I imagine that Daisy is there trying to sneak a peek outside again (she used to do this, but every time she would bolt outside, which she would very rarely do, she would come right back once she knew she was in trouble. *chuckle*), but when I would look back to tell her to go back inside, she wouldn't be there... I had just imagine her being there (hopefully what I am trying to say makes sense). We are going to get a new kitten hopefully in August, but nothing will ever replace our old pal Daisy, although I will be sure to treat this little kitten with as much respect and love as I did with her. I just can't let me think that it was something that we did that made her run away, as I don't think it was... and I truly think it wasn't in your case either.

Now I know that this isn't the same thing as to what happened to your own dear pets, but there IS one thing that we both have and will never forget - memories. I am sure that you will always have memories of your beloved pets, and that they will both always be in your heart. They are worth their weight in gold, as they will always be with you. You will never forget them. Our beloved cat Daisy will always be in my heart as well, and I just imagine that she is in peace somewhere right now, hopefully with a nice family that is taking very good care of her. And you can hope that your pets are resting peacefully as well. I know this was a long read, but I hope I helped a bit. :)
 
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Toaker

Member
So for the past few months i've been trying to look for a job that suits me but to no avail, see the thing is im an introvert and im not used to being around so many people at one time i feel out of place and uncomfortable. I dont concider myself shy, i can hold a conversation well but when put into a situation that im not comfortable or used to i become tense and i tend to screw up and make myself look like an idiot in public. So i ask other introverts what kind of part time jobs should look for? I really need a job (for personal reasons). I feel like if i take things slowly, i can eventually learn to break out of my shell and build more self confidence. Thanks!
 
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Prelude

Prelude
don't work yourself into self confidence. just do it even if you have to fake it. self confidence is basically just knowing there are people out there and it doesn't matter what they think of you. it sounds like you just get nervous around people which can be practiced by making small talk with random people. you'll likely never see them again and they won't remember your face even if you do, so don't be afraid to make mistakes and learn. you can't become more confident the genuine way without powering through uncomfortable situations anyway
 

Kisothwulf

Comes here once in a while during a fandom spurt.
So for the past few months i've been trying to look for a job that suits me but to no avail, see the thing is im an introvert and im not used to being around so many people at one time i feel out of place and uncomfortable. I dont concider myself shy, i can hold a conversation well but when put into a situation that im not comfortable or used to i become tense and i tend to screw up and make myself look like an idiot in public. So i ask other introverts what kind of part time jobs should look for? I really need a job (for personal reasons). I feel like if i take things slowly, i can eventually learn to break out of my shell and build more self confidence. Thanks!

As an introvert that recently started a job at a fast food place after a few months of searching, I understand being uncomfortable and screwing up things. It's tough finding jobs 'cause it feels like the world... the workplace... was made for extroverts.

I suggest a job that allows you to somehow work without much supervision or a workplace that is chill. Before fast food I was a part time custodian at a hockey arena. Was it... ahem... crappy to clean toilets? Sure. But I didn't have a supervisor looking over my shoulder all the time. I didn't have to talk to my coworkers unless I absolutely needed to. I arrived, I did what I was supposed to do, and went home. As a custodian there aren't really any actual "customers" to talk to.

Then I was a cashier at a large general store that was going to close down eventually. Since there was a Wal-Mart around the corner the whole store seemed pretty empty. Until Christmas and liquidation started. Even though I was shy I eventually got used to how things worked at the store. There would still be unexpected problems coming up, but I could count on the people I worked with to help out.

But now at a fast food place... It's different. So far I'm thinking that perhaps it's not the right job for me. I'm expected to be fast. I'm supposed to communicate effectively with my coworkers. It's out of my comfort zone. Fast food places really are fast.

In other words, I suggest getting a job anywhere besides a fast food place. :p You can try to find a job that relates to your own interests. Depending on where you live you could work at a small store... clothing, video games, a bookstore... Perhaps a convenience store would be good since they're smaller than places like the grocery stores and Wal-Mart?

Another tip is to ask friends or family if they know someone that's working at a place that's hiring. If you've already handed out applications to a few places then go back to them and ask them about the job opportunity again. It's also okay to be honest about being shy during an interview. Tell them your goal about gaining more self confidence through work experience.

It's challenging to get a job, and there are still more challenges after getting one. Eventually you will get a job. It may or may not change who you are, but you will definitely get more experience and learn to adapt to different situations.

Anyways, good luck! :)
 

Roseheart95

El Psy Congroo
Okay, so I'm wondering if you guys could help analyse my relationship with this one guy... sorry if it's a bit cliche and all that, just wanted some opinions on it.

So, there's this guy, I suppose I'll call him M or whatever, just to make things easier, and I'm trying to work out whether or not I have a crush on him, or whether it's something I've sort of built-up in my mind but I don't have a strong foundation for. The reason why I think it might be the latter I'll get onto in a minute.

So I like being with him, more than any other guy (exception, see below), but different to how I like being around my best girlfriends (if that makes sense...), like I feel happy with him and kind of warm (sorry to describe it in a mushy way >.<) and we get on well, and he makes me laugh and I generally like him. I think about him quite a lot, too, especially now that it's Summer and I don't really see him (we're not close enough to be meeting up yet, though he's hinted at it).

That's why I think I might be crushing on him... here's why I think I might not:

So there's another guy (um... let's call him K? Just picking random letters here :p) whom I have had a definite crush on for several years (it's still going because I see him a lot and we have to talk together sometimes for schooly reasons, but he's not interested in me) and the reason I think I might not have a crush on M is because how I feel about K, who I'm sure about, is a lot more intense. I don't get butterflies when I see M, but I do when I see K, and I feel a lot more nervous around K and get generally more obsessive and "high". Also, I never really thought about M like that until somebody mentioned that we were together a lot or something like that (although I remember, too, with K, the case was that somebody said something like: "What, do you fancy him or something?" and then something kind of clicked and snowballed). But because the feeling doesn't seem quite as intense, I'm thinking maybe it was something I built up in my mind. My other two theories are that, either it's an intense crush that's about to develop and still needs a bit of time, or that, because my crush on K started when I was a lot younger, and I've been through most of puberty since then, that I do indeed have a crush on M but that's it's more mature, and that's why it's different to my crush on K, which still keeps the immaturity of my much younger self.

Sorry if you're rolling your eyes at this, but I have nothing to compare my relationship with M to except my relationship with K... so please reply with what you think, because I'm confused about my feelings. Sorry for being a teenager.
 

Houka

Well-Known Member
Let put it simple, your not going to go through the same feeling for the second guy compare to the first. M is newer, so it won't be as tense, it take time for things to get to that point. The feeling could also be different if M hints at liking where K didn't, it does change the feeling quite a bit.

Just some ideas. You may want to let some time pass first. M could be crush but at the same time if your going through a lot of stress or other emotional things, it can cause a false crush to happen. M could be similar to K and that can crate some issues. I just suggest to wait on this for the time being before ya make a move or not if you want try anyway.
 

varanus_komodoensis

they call me Varanus
I agree with Houka. If you don't know who you like more, just give it some time. See who you end up spending more time with and talking to more. You'll know how much you like M one the school year starts up again and you start to see him more.

Also, I think you need to stop thinking about it so much. When you spend time dwelling on this, you just end up confusing yourself. Just spend time with with both of the guys and it'll become clear who you like more eventually.
 

Spock

Live Long & Prosper
So for the past few months i've been trying to look for a job that suits me but to no avail, see the thing is im an introvert and im not used to being around so many people at one time i feel out of place and uncomfortable. I dont concider myself shy, i can hold a conversation well but when put into a situation that im not comfortable or used to i become tense and i tend to screw up and make myself look like an idiot in public. So i ask other introverts what kind of part time jobs should look for? I really need a job (for personal reasons). I feel like if i take things slowly, i can eventually learn to break out of my shell and build more self confidence. Thanks!

become a cashier

the job's easy to find and you'll deal with the worst of humanity which should prepare you for the real world and teach you how to deal with people

don't listen to this guy who implies being out of your comfort zone is a bad thing though:
But now at a fast food place... It's different. So far I'm thinking that perhaps it's not the right job for me. I'm expected to be fast. I'm supposed to communicate effectively with my coworkers. It's out of my comfort zone.
 
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