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The Official Advice Thread

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Discussion' started by Mariya Shidou, Aug 19, 2011.

  1. Ropav

    Ropav Howls of Loneliness

    Ok guys I need some advice:
    So theres this guy I am in love with who has a girlfriend already so I am just stepping back and letting him be happy even though it kills me inside, well anyways I have been living with him and his family for a month now and with each passing day he seems more and more distant towards me... I don't know what I am doing wrong i am just being a friend and being myself and when I am around him he acts all happy but thats just an act I know this because as soon as he thinks I can't hear him he talk to his friends about how annoying I am and he tells his girlfriend that I hide and steal his stuff and how I am always in his room and taking his bed when in reality he asks me to come into his room and invites me to steal his bed. He is hurting me awfully bad thing is he knows I love him so I don't know if this is his way of trying to tell me to get lost or what. I mean I am sooooo confused I just offering him friendship but he keeps doing stuff like this and its really making me depressed... i am afraid to talk to him about it as well.. any ideas guys of why he is treating me this way?
     
  2. shadow wolf

    shadow wolf The one and only!

    My advice, he isn't worth it. I wouldn't care about his reasons for doing it, the fact of the matter is he's being a colossal dick. Trust me when I tell you that your life is better off without this kind of drama.
     
  3. Ryuken

    Ryuken Steel User

    There is a chance that he is simply tired/bored of you. This is more likely because you have been living with him for about a month (While not having any kind of relationship), this is pretty much why he grows distant with each passing day. As he is somewhat annoyed by solely your presence, he is likely to "poke fun" at you with his friends.
    The reason of why he speaks lies about you in such a way with his girlfriend, is because she might be jealous, (Somewhat understandable since she knows you technically spend more time with him than she does.) so he attempts to make you seem unappealing by telling her bad things about you, even if they are not true.
    It is somewhat similar to how men say a woman is ugly in front of their wives just to avoid making them feel jealous.

    What i would recommend, is to talk to him privately in a serious manner, and "force" him to be honest. If he knows you love him, he will "spit it out", if he doesn't, avoid talking about love-related feelings.
    Try and ask him why is he acting like this, and act accordingly.

    Also, no matter how it goes, i would suggest staying away from him, and focus on someone else. His attitude is pathetic at best and if you happen to end up in a relationship, it will end up worse.
    In the end, just talk with him about the current situation, and move on.
     
  4. Ropav

    Ropav Howls of Loneliness

    Did I mention he is my best friend and that I promised him I would never leave him? and I just don't know how to talk to him anymore so I am extremely quiet any tips on how to talk to him?
     
  5. Ryuken

    Ryuken Steel User

    Before speaking about promises, it is important that you speak with him and see if he still considers you as a friend. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone, or simply wish to be his/her friend, that person wont share the same feelings for you.
    If you wish to speak with him, i would recommend you get over your shyness and "confront" him directly.
    Wait until you both are alone and have time for a couple of mins. (Maybe while his parents are out and you two stay) and talk to him in a serious matter. Speak about how you feel about this whole ordeal (I wouldn't recommend speaking about love though) and ask him honestly if he still considers you as a friend.

    Keep in mind that the more you avoid speaking with him, the worst the situation will become. If you don't speak with him in a serious matter, everything will keep going downhill and you will never fix anything.

    If you see he simply won't consider you as a friend anymore, it is better to leave him be and move on. No point in keeping promises with a bag of rocks.
     
  6. Ropav

    Ropav Howls of Loneliness

    I don't know sometimes it seems like he hates me other times it seems like he is my bestfriend its confusing the heck out of me and sounds like a plan but his parents never leave me home alone with him
     
  7. Navarch

    Navarch Well-Known Member

    I have a problem. I feel really guilty about something, and it's gonna sound so weird.

    I feel guilty about using too many sketchbooks (AKA wasting paper).

    I love to draw, but I always draw stuff on a page and flip to the next. And then I find that I have to ask my parents to buy me more sketchbooks. I must have about 30/40 or so. I mean, my parents have saved my sketchbooks since I was 8/9, and I'm 14 now, almost 15, but I feel bad about wasting all that paper. I mean I try to do better now, as in trying to make sure I use all the space, but when I get angry/frustrated while drawing, that is when I waste so much paper. How can I make myself feel less guilty?
     
  8. thunder2910

    thunder2910 Loves pizza

    Have you tried using recycled paper as an alternative, I'm not sure if you can get proper sketchbooks with them but hey at least you would know that you are reusing it without the need to worry that more trees have been cut down because of that (is this what you feel guilty about?)
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2014
  9. Ryuken

    Ryuken Steel User

    If it's disposable, (A sketch that you believe it's wrong or just badly drawn) try to recycle it.
    You have several options on how to do it, try and be creative with them.
    Some personal suggestions would be to try Origami, or if you have a pet, use those useless pages to pick up feces and the like.

    Keep in mind that your parents waste pretty much nothing on buying you sketch books. Drawing can be one of the cheapest hobbies when compared to sculpting/painting or even less artistic ones like video games.

    Some artist go through thousands of them, the last thing they want is to worry about how much paper they waste.
     
  10. shadow wolf

    shadow wolf The one and only!

    If you can, you can always invest into a tablet, no paper wasted. Also take the advice of what everyone else said.
     
  11. Navarch

    Navarch Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies! I though about recycled paper, but I think it would cost more. And drawing is a cheap hobby, so I shouldn't worry about wasting money. And I actually do not want to use a tablet, it isn't the same as drawing with pencil and pen. I just have to stop worrying so much. Once again, thanks.
     
  12. Mr.Munchlax

    Mr.Munchlax Thunder Trainer

    I kind of have this self-motivation problem that I was hoping to get help with.

    When I first went to college, I was one of the most motivated people in the world and I was able to get assignments done 3 weeks in advanced. But, as the years went by, I slowly lost my motivation & it's now to the point that I struggle to get even one thing done. During my senior year last Fall, I had to ask for an extension for the first time and I had several all nighters to get my finals done. I was so devastated, frustrated, and ashamed with myself for procrastinating so much & completely losing the motivation that made me who I am, that when I finished my last final I went back to my dorm and cried for 15-30 minutes. I'm currently trying to get my motivation back since I want to try to go to grad school and start my own art business, but now that I'm out college, I lost my job due to budgets and the fact that I'm not a student anymore, & I'm forced to move back home and live with my parents for a year, I'm not sure if I can do it

    I wanted to ask for help here because I know for a fact that pokémon is one of the biggest sources behind my procrastination and lack of motivation since there are days when I focus on my games, forums, trainer cards, etc. more than I would on anything truly productive. Others include wasting away hours surfing the net or watching stuff on TV (or my compute in my case since I rarely use my TV set anymore). I just wanted to ask advice from other pokémon fans & people with similar interests on how they handle procrastination and motivation problems without giving it up completely.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2014
  13. minerswhocraft

    minerswhocraft Misty Come Back!

    I have a problem that is scaring me more and more everyday. I do not know if anyone here can help, but I certainly hope so.

    I am 21 years old. At the end of my 8th grade year I had the greatest, life long friends. However I moved to a new area and went to a different highschool than all my friends. I didn't move too far away, so instead of making new friends I just went through the motions in school and went back to my old friends in my free time.

    However by my junior year all of my old friends began to grow apart, finding who they are and moving on to different things and such. I had friends from my highschool at this point, but none I cares much about. After senior year I basically had no friends anymore and I was just kinda used to being alone at that point.

    Sooo 3 years of college go by and I had been used to being alone so much that I wasn't seeing a problem in the way I was living. This summer however I wiped the dust off my facebook and checked out what all my old friends were up to. Seeing them all our having lives and friends opened my eyes. It made me realize I've been living all wrong and that I'm truly not happy in my current position.

    And now I'm starting my final year in college and I'm afraid I don't have enough time to make new friends and to try to start a life. I don't know what people my age do or how to ask someone to hang out when we all live all over the place. I've never even had a girlfriend. I am lost as what people my age might do and how I would go about making friends outa class as well.

    Anyone here in a similar situation or have some advice? I've grown very shy and get flustered super easily!!
     
  14. Ropav

    Ropav Howls of Loneliness

    I have been in the exact same situation still am except I am a girl, I was homeschooled from 7th-12 grade, never had a boyfriend and went through the motions for the two years I went to college I had no friends and was at the point of suicide till I meet my bestfriend online and through him I learned its never too late to gain friends I have gained a few good friends in the year that I have known him and I am shy and get flustered easily as well. The trick to gaining a friend is to just be yourself and to be friendly go up to a few people and say hi at lunch make an attempt to meet new peopleand eventually the right people will find you
     
  15. shadow wolf

    shadow wolf The one and only!

    One thing I do is unless I absolutely have to is not do homework/study after a certain time. Essentially giving my self enough time to unwind daily since I've been burned out for a while and I really needed this vacation. Before going back to school, working in industry will help you get a change of pace and give you enough of a break to be prepared to go back, this is what my professors have told me. You won't procrastinate if you properly manage your time, study, work, leisure. Honestly the key to not procrastinating is balance. If you're addicted, I wouldn't say cut cold turkey, rather reduced your time spent gaming by a good amount. Also, when I'm stressed to a horrible point, friends help tremendously. It took me about a year to get out of my rut but that's because I was going to school non-stop so until I was able to relax, I wasn't capable of recharging. So for me to handle procrastination and motivation is to have a correct balance in my life where I don't burnout. Hope this helps.

    EDIT:
    Most of my friend have the same major as me so that's something to consider for yourself. Makes it easier since you two would already have something in common.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2014
  16. Ryuken

    Ryuken Steel User

    Since you are currently on your last and most important year in college, i would suggest staying away from friends since they can be quite the distraction at times. Having friends or a girlfriend for more than "study partners" can be counterproductive, it is advisable to focus in your studies instead, at least until you finish.

    Answering your question though, i would advice you to try and do some research in popular trends and get involved. Adopt a positive attitude and get over your shyness. A good way to make friends is to ask for help from students that are interested in the class. If they agree to help you, you can easily start talking to them and with some effort create some friendship.
    If you are still clueless about what to talk about with people your age, try to find people with similar interests. As far as i know there are plenty of college students who play pokemon.

    Most of the time people have no friends is because they are simply not trying, or at least hard enough.
     
  17. minerswhocraft

    minerswhocraft Misty Come Back!

    I can speak to people and make friends in class perfectly fine. I can be very personable and open and I attend film school, so everybody can talk about movies all the time. Making friends is easy to me, but keeping friends or getting together with them outside of class is what I don't know how to do.

    It being my last year is of no concern. I don't want to graduate without friends either.


    My biggest problem is getting friends outside of school and outside of studies. Friends like my old ones who I was able to just hang out with. I don't know how to do that anymore because my old friends and I would always just be hanging out at one guy's basement. I don't know what people my age do now to "hang out."
     
  18. shadow wolf

    shadow wolf The one and only!

    Keeping friends always requires effort, it won't just happen. People are always changing, so they may drift apart; it's normal. If you want to keep these people as friends you have to develop a connection and show initiative. Check on them every so often and the more you have in common the better since it's easier to develop a bond that way. The thing is you can't force friendship, if you want a friend of varying degree it's going to be be you being out going and and luck with finding the right person/people to develop the type of bond you desire from them.

    In my experience most people do the same things they did when they were teenagers; TV, games, internet, etc... On and off campus clubs would be a good idea to join. Going to sport events, bars, night clubs, etc...(whatever social environment you can think of) Honestly hanging-out is just doing whatever you two agree to do together.
     
  19. Profesco

    Profesco gone gently

    Mr. Munchlax: If your problem is just procrastination, there are helpful strategies. 1) Break down an assignment or task into concretely defined, small chunks. Writing a paper? First find one source, save it. After chilling out for a bit, write one paragraph about that source, save it. Chill again. For whatever your task may be, there will be a way to chop it into small, step-by-step pieces between which you can take a break. 2) Reduce the pressure with a reward sandwich. Start by taking the time to do something you enjoy (e.g. your procrastination things), and accomplish a goal with it. For Pokemon, say, hatch two parties' worth of Eggs, or train a Pokemon up five levels. Then complete one step of your assignment. Then, during your break, accomplish another thing on the Pokemon game. 3) Enlist a friend or relative to watch over you, and stop you from turning your attention away from your task (this last is contingent upon your social circle and how you fare working under supervision). But you can find more strategies to beat procrastination.

    I'm curious, though. When you were motivated, did you enjoy the work you did, find it exciting or satisfying? Would you call yourself a perfectionist? Have your sleeping and/or eating habits changed? When procrastination is severe enough, it may be a result of stress (which can initiate a bad cycle). I have even seen procrastination as a symptom in cases of stress-induced depression and anxiety - but that is a very extreme and extended case, and you shouldn't worry that it's the case for you. Either way, if you are at the point of tears over your procrastination/lack of motivation, you might consider speaking to your school's counseling services (I assume, here, that your school does offer such services; they are de rigeur these days).



    minerswhocraft: I have the same skills you describe. Being friendly and sociable with classmates during class time is almost effortless, yet once you walk out the door you find little to say or do together, if anything. Is that about the gist of it? I would agree with others saying you can't really force a friendship. But you can force yourself into situations where friendship occurs spontaneously - it's difficult, especially if you are somewhat introverted. It involves seeking out clubs or groups that you may be interested in, and forcing yourself to attend a few of their gatherings. Even if you are not overly sociable in such unfamiliar territory, you can do alright if you stick to making a few friendly observations ("this is a nice idea for a club," "you have good taste in Pokemon," whatever). Even better is if you are able to make simple, inoffensive jokes. Displaying even a mild sense of humor will help others take to you, which will relieve you of some of the effort/pressure of trying to make your own foray into the social group.

    Beyond that, it does take luck, chemistry, and timing to make a lasting friendship. You never know when you'll come across a person with whom you'll get along famously. And you will have to spend extended periods of awkward time with the potential new friend, which can, in truth, seem not worth it at the very start of the relationship. =s



    Best of luck to you both.
     
  20. Navarch

    Navarch Well-Known Member

    This is Pokemon related, kinda, but idk where to ask it.

    Okay, so I'm kinda OCD about things. In all Pokemon games before generation 6, I named my characters Nick. Nicholas would never fit. In generation 6, the increased letter limit lets me use Nicholas. However, I want my trainer names to all be the same. But I want to use Nicholas since its my full name.

    I think I'm insane.
     

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