The Official Advice Thread

[Dear Insanity]

So around 2 months ago I got a new helix piercing in my left ear. It's all been good healing wise, but I just noticed there's a red lump right next to, maybe partially inside the hole. It's not painful really, so I'm not too worried, I'm just wondering what it is/if it's normal?

 

[RobertStyx]

So around 2 months ago I got a new helix piercing in my left ear. It's all been good healing wise, but I just noticed there's a red lump right next to, maybe partially inside the hole. It's not painful really, so I'm not too worried, I'm just wondering what it is/if it's normal?

Seeing your piercer would probably be your best bet.
To me, it sounds like it could be an infection, or possibly that the lymph fluid isn't draining properly. However, if it's been two months, I would think it would have shown itself before now. There's also the possibility it could just be a pimple in an inconvenient spot lol.

 

[Malanu]

Yes, her dicision is right. Quit being a turd and spend your birthday at school. When You get older, you're probably gonna have a job that will make you work holidays and birthdays.

Yes listen to your mom. She is the authority in your life (along with your dad). When you become an adult the choice is yours. Since I turned 18 I have NEVER worked a birthday of mine. Well with exception of when I was a Marine. I use a vacation day or a personal day to have my birthday off or just let my boss know I won't be in. I also try to have vacation days for my wife's birthday and my children. A birthday is the most important holiday I think. Because if I wasn't born I couldn't celebrate any other holiday.

So listen to your mom you can have just as good a birthday celebration after school.

 

[Chris P. Stevenson]

Yes listen to your mom. She is the authority in your life (along with your dad). When you become an adult the choice is yours. Since I turned 18 I have NEVER worked a birthday of mine. Well with exception of when I was a Marine. I use a vacation day or a personal day to have my birthday off or just let my boss know I won't be in. I also try to have vacation days for my wife's birthday and my children. A birthday is the most important holiday I think. Because if I wasn't born I couldn't celebrate any other holiday.

So listen to your mom you can have just as good a birthday celebration after school.

Glad to see a 'homie' with some wits about him.
Way to go 'champ'.

 

[bel9]

Roommate Advice:

So I've recently started living with some chaps in a duplex and all is well. . . except for some grocery issues. The main problem begins when I, bel, and my roommate (who we shall refer to as A) actually use our own money we worked for to buy groceries. Roommates C and D are both given money by their parents to pay for groceries. Now although C has a bit of an eccentric taste for organic and fresh food his parents give him an allowance thus limiting how much he can spend. But the other roommate D has no real allowance or limit. Roommates A and C also lived together in an apartment last year.

The weekend before labor day weekend we all went grocery shopping as a unit. Although we did not make a grocery list we picked out the items we needed for the week and D payed for it with 120$ (We had bought and taken turns getting some groceries before D and the other 3 of us considered ourselves fairly even). We all payed D back the respective amount as I assumed that was how we would buy groceries; 1 person buys and then we split the bill at home.

D was an athlete and can be somewhat competitive. When all was said and done and we had worked out a chart on how much everyone had spent, D appeared to be in "last place" so two days later he unexpectedly went out and bought an additional 90$ in groceries. This is a problem for me. D went out with no warning and effectively spent 22.50 of mine. Roommate A was not too happy either. The next day C went to the local organic food store and ended up buying a little bit of food that we did eat but was expensive and rather unnecessary.

I now hope you can see why this is a problem to me.

This past weekend I made a list when I went to grab some basic groceries: milk, bread, grapes for everyone and green apples for myself. I have read that making lists is one of the more frugal ways to buy groceries, as opposed to just roaming the grocery store. This is highly attractive to me. I also noticed another good way to save money is to actually plan out meals along with the shopping list. This seemed rather beneficial since C and D kept cooking and wanting to buy more although we have plenty of leftovers that will eventually go bad if someone doesn't eat them.

Roommates A and D had fought a bit over the money tracking system posted on the fridge on Saturday night even though we had company.

I know that we are destined to have a roommate discussion over food soon.

Now this concept of lists and meal planning is apparently foreign to C because he threw an absolute bitchfit when he saw that I had made another grocery list (I know not how he missed the first one; the list was on the fridge all last week) and had made a meal chart designating Monday night the 12th as "leftovers night."

He went into an eccentric tirade about how he likes to "wing it" and get fresh food that night, cook it, etc. and threatened that if we adopted such a system he would begin cooking to himself. He seems quite oblivious to the fact that A and I are not really happy the way groceries are currently underway.

So seribiians, tonight when we hopefully have a discussion about groceries how can I convince these people to adopt a more frugal approach to buying groceries. Given C's hostility to such "order" how can I more meticulously and articulately convince him to not be so opposed to the idea? I do not even think he needs to give up his free will to the device. In fact, I am not opposed to him having a night where he goes and gets groceries to make a "fresh" meal of his.

We have other food in the fridge that will eventually spoil if we do not cook it and make something from it. There is plenty of meat and bread for sandwiches. There is no need to go out and buy more groceries for dinner. There may be a want, but certainly not a need. How can I portray this to my roommates?

If good fences truly do make good neighbors, than I am under the impression that good grocery planning makes good roommates.

 

[RobertStyx]

I'm going to be honest with you, but IMO, the way you're going about it possibly the worst way to do so.
When I was living with people, we each had a shelf in the fridge, and a shelf in the cupboard. We then went out with our own money, and bought food for our selves with that money and stocked our shelves with what we liked. No one else touched what we bought ourselves. To put this in your situation. You would take your money, and buy your food, and only you would eat it. Person A would take his money and buy his food, and only he would eat it, and so on and so forth. I personally believe this would be the best way to go about it, avoids arguments like this, and if some one suffers because of their lack of planning, then that is their problem.

 

[bel9]

I'm going to be honest with you, but IMO, the way you're going about it possibly the worst way to do so.
When I was living with people, we each had a shelf in the fridge, and a shelf in the cupboard. We then went out with our own money, and bought food for our selves with that money and stocked our shelves with what we liked. No one else touched what we bought ourselves. To put this in your situation. You would take your money, and buy your food, and only you would eat it. Person A would take his money and buy his food, and only he would eat it, and so on and so forth. I personally believe this would be the best way to go about it, avoids arguments like this, and if some one suffers because of their lack of planning, then that is their problem.

Thank you for the response. I think we are saving this basic idea as a last resort. . . or if someone is truly unhappy he or she can opt for this.

We have avoided this plan from the beginning because we recognize that there are certain things that makes more sense to buy as a unit and can become rather cumbersome for each of us to buy individually.

i.e. bread, hamburgers, other cooking ingredients

Although we have hybridized a part of this into our plan.

i.e. I buy my own green apples separately; No one touches my green apples.

I will keep this in mind depending on how smoothly our meeting goes. Maybe it will work best to adopt your method and then add in group meals every once in a while.

 

[Spookz]

It's possible you could do a hybrid. When I had a roommate (I had a third, but she didn't cooperate so for our purposes she doesn't exist) we shared basics like bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper and we kept track of whose turn it was to buy these things when we ran out. Everything else less basic we labeled or used personal shelves to store them and ASKED if we wanted something the other had (ex. I want some chocolate, roommate has cookies, and it would obviously be silly for me to buy a package of the same thing).

Every now and then when we felt like cooking together we'd assess what food items we had collectively and used from both supplies.

This worked well for us, though admittedly this was with two people. But in my experience from being a roommate and visiting my other friends, this makes everyone happy, no one is worried about spending too much money or buying something they're not going to use.

 

[bel9]

It's possible you could do a hybrid. When I had a roommate (I had a third, but she didn't cooperate so for our purposes she doesn't exist) we shared basics like bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper and we kept track of whose turn it was to buy these things when we ran out. Everything else less basic we labeled or used personal shelves to store them and ASKED if we wanted something the other had (ex. I want some chocolate, roommate has cookies, and it would obviously be silly for me to buy a package of the same thing).

Every now and then when we felt like cooking together we'd assess what food items we had collectively and used from both supplies.

This worked well for us, though admittedly this was with two people. But in my experience from being a roommate and visiting my other friends, this makes everyone happy, no one is worried about spending too much money or buying something they're not going to use.

Thanks, this may be what we have to do because roommate C just went to the organic grocery store to get eggs (which we already have) and some bizarre soy milk (which only he will drink).

He pretty much gave me an ultimatum that if we start making charts/lists he will just not be involved. . . he's a drama queen.

The other 3 of us may just do a plan like yours, otherwise it may just be less expensive for me to go out and eat and fend for myself.

 

[8-bit]

I know it's a questionable idea, but I'm considering trying to make nice with a former friend, because of how awful I feel for him. The guy's a trainwreck. He objectifies the people around him and treats them as means to an end, has an explosive temper, and is completely unrepentant about his crummy attitude - and he's totally alone for it.

I've often considered trying to make up just so that he'll have someone around that he can have fun with, but we have a history. About a year ago we started going out, and a few months after that I discovered that he didn't actually like me, but out of desperation he jumped on the first girl who'd ever given him a chance in the hopes that he could finally get laid. Needless to say, things came to a screeching halt. He's like this with women as a whole, and is frequently resentful towards us - and was angry with me for weeks when I eventually came out as a lesbian because he saw me as a "man-hater" and as competition.

There was a point where he was trying to make up to me, but a little digging and he admitted that he was just trying to keep the one female friend he had. I honestly don't think he feels an inkling of guilt for using me, and he's only upset about what this has all meant for him.

Every time I think of forgiving him, I find a hundred reasons to clash with the one reason I keep thinking I should: because not only can he not get a girl, he has no friends. He's in my social circle (I use the term loosely), and I have to watch the madness on a regular basis. It makes me internally wince. I guess I'm torn between taking him out to the middle of a lake and holding him under until the bubbles stop because he's a horrible person, and feeling bad for him because he's a horrible person.

There's a line, of that I'm sure. I just don't know where to draw it anymore. Is it ever worth it to let someone be a jerk to you if think it's going to make a difference for them? I completely flipped my lid on him last month when he started putting the moves on my friend who had literally just fallen out with her fiance that very day, but it's not like I'd have to talk to him all the time or anything. ._.

 

[Malanu]

Hey 8-bit. It is admirable that you are wanting to be friends again with this person. However, you are not doing it for the right reason I think. You feel sorry for him because he is such a train wreck and he is loosely in your circle. But do you want to be his friend or do you pity his existence?

If you want him as your friend, what will it do to your present friendships? I say be nice to him, be straight with him, but let him eventually become your friend if that's what he wants, not the other way around.

 

[8-bit]

Hey 8-bit. It is admirable that you are wanting to be friends again with this person. However, you are not doing it for the right reason I think. You feel sorry for him because he is such a train wreck and he is loosely in your circle. But do you want to be his friend or do you pity his existence?

If you want him as your friend, what will it do to your present friendships? I say be nice to him, be straight with him, but let him eventually become your friend if that's what he wants, not the other way around.

It's both, actually! I want to be his friend and I do pity his situation, but because he sees me as nothing more than a means to an end (in my eyes), I try to keep the part of me that wants to actually love and trust this person buried where he can't abuse it again. The part I can't keep buried is the part that feels bad when I see him sabotaging his own life on a regular basis and having no one in his life, save his family, who cares what happens to him.

If I'm waiting on him to genuinely feel for other human beings... I may be waiting a long, long time. I don't think his obsession with himself is changing anytime soon.

 

[Malanu]

I know a person like this. I was his friend because he shared a liking for D&D and BattleTech. But he eventually wore out his welcome with the rest of my friends and I had to decide which was more important. My friends won out, Now this person has no friends and is bitter at everyone because we were the jerks! Honestly, if you got burned by this person before, you will be again from the sounds of it.

 

[vespiqueen]

Any on advice on where I could buy some clothes?

I'm 15 years old and unable to get a job and I could really use some new clothes since I haven't gone shopping in a very long time. My parents do give me a little bit of money for doing chores but I have to use that money everytime I go somewhere and I use it to buy food and it's just not enough. Winter's coming soon and I just really want to buy a jacket or two and some new pants, but I want it to be affordable and I don't want a thin little cardigan, I'm hoping for sweatshirts and just a big jacket that's really warm. Any store suggestions?

 

[pirate555]

Any on advice on where I could buy some clothes?

I'm 15 years old and unable to get a job and I could really use some new clothes since I haven't gone shopping in a very long time. My parents do give me a little bit of money for doing chores but I have to use that money everytime I go somewhere and I use it to buy food and it's just not enough. Winter's coming soon and I just really want to buy a jacket or two and some new pants, but I want it to be affordable and I don't want a thin little cardigan, I'm hoping for sweatshirts and just a big jacket that's really warm. Any store suggestions?

Ooh, I'd definitely recommend charity shops and the second-hand clothes they sell. Admittedly 75% of the stock they have is usually for the 50+ audience, but the other 25% is good and you can find some real gems. I wanted a colourful sleeveless hoodie and a gold pair of sandals, and I came out with both for £4 in total. The clothes may be second-hand, but they're usually in good condition and worth more than the price-tag given to them. This comes from 4 years experience of working in one of these places (although I'm not just trying to drum up business, I swear).

 

[bel9]

Apparently the groceries are solved. Roommate C has decided to just buy his own stuff from the expensive organic grocery store because he is starting the Paleolithic diet while the rest of us are just going to plan our meals and utilize lists.

 

[Malanu]

Any on advice on where I could buy some clothes?

I'm 15 years old and unable to get a job and I could really use some new clothes since I haven't gone shopping in a very long time. My parents do give me a little bit of money for doing chores but I have to use that money everytime I go somewhere and I use it to buy food and it's just not enough. Winter's coming soon and I just really want to buy a jacket or two and some new pants, but I want it to be affordable and I don't want a thin little cardigan, I'm hoping for sweatshirts and just a big jacket that's really warm. Any store suggestions?

Honestly, the Salvation Army is a good place to pick up decent cloths on the cheap. Also try some resale shops. You can get good deals there as well.

 

[Snorunt conservationist]

Any on advice on where I could buy some clothes?

I'm 15 years old and unable to get a job and I could really use some new clothes since I haven't gone shopping in a very long time. My parents do give me a little bit of money for doing chores but I have to use that money everytime I go somewhere and I use it to buy food and it's just not enough. Winter's coming soon and I just really want to buy a jacket or two and some new pants, but I want it to be affordable and I don't want a thin little cardigan, I'm hoping for sweatshirts and just a big jacket that's really warm. Any store suggestions?

Backing the charity shop suggestions made. However, make sure you go to one in the more affluent areas of town. Rich people give away nicer things.

 

[Malanu]

Totally forgot that part myself Sno. Great catch!

 

[~Nidoking~]

I can't decide if to drop my Saturday Garden work. With College on Mondays and Tuesdays being 9-3, and 12-5 on a Wednesday, Starting next week, I have coursework for my medical course, Psychology work, English Debates to plan, I have little time to myself. I am currently planning to use my Thursdays to work in College, as I have an evening course on that day, from next week. That means I only have Friday afternoon and Sunday to myself. I want to push all my work to an Distinction standard, which means spending roughly 3-7 hours per peice for non-debate work. So..should I drop it or not? I get roughly a fortnight to finish work, but including school hours, it may be difficult to cope. The english is a choice, so I can drop that. (The debate side isnt needed, just a choice.) I can have up to 4 bits of medical at a time, with an hour and a half from each being spent in lessons... So, if I keep working, I will be unable to cope with college work, but, if I quit, I loose the money I get from doing work, so I will be loosing the money I had for myself.