The Official Advice Thread

[varanus_komodoensis]

I agree. Trust me, I wasted a god few years with someone like that when I was younger. I didnt want to leave him at the time, now I wish id done it sooner!

On another boy related note, why do they love the chase so much?
I ignore him, he plagues me with compliments, messages, texts.... I show a bit of interest and he backs off. Grrr.

Because once a (sleazy) guy knows he has you entrapped, there's no reason anymore to shower you with praise and impress you. A guy who really likes you will strive to impress you no matter if he already has your heart or not.

 

[Calamity™]

On another boy related note, why do they love the chase so much?
I ignore him, he plagues me with compliments, messages, texts.... I show a bit of interest and he backs off. Grrr.

I think some boys just find getting girls to be a constant game, when they're at the immature stages anyway. (Which lasts a long time for most.) They even go to the extent of sounding desperate, so I guess it's not really exciting when the girl finally shows interest and he doesn't need to try too hard. Seems weird to me, but then there are some unusual boys out there.

Edit: What varanus_komodoensis said basically.

 

[Charazemma]

I think some boys just find getting girls to be a constant game, when they're at the immature stages anyway. (Which lasts a long time for most.) They even go to the extent of sounding desperate, so I guess it's not really exciting when the girl finally shows interest and he doesn't need to try too hard. Seems weird to me, but then there are some unusual boys out there.

Edit: What varanus_komodoensis said basically.

And heres me thinking that at 26 he'd be a little more grown up!

I'll ignore him again tonight and await my flurry of messages when I wake up

 

[Gladys]

Kay, so I have a lot of male friends. I mean, A LOT. 6 to be exact. I have only 1 female friend. My bf goes to a different school, and he thinks I'm dating at least one of them. He's had bad trust issues, but not as bad as he does now though. Since I go to a college (dual enrollment), my guy friends are 18-21 years old. Hell, one's even the assistant in the class I'm taking! They're actually all in the same vocational as me. I'll be 16 in July. My bf is 18 too. I keep telling him not to worry, but he's gotten as bad as I can't even talk to them. I really don't like them like that. Is there anyway to have him believe me?

Start dating your one female friend. That way, everyone wins.

 

[~Nidoking~]

To sum things up

Since I was 13, my best friend has been trying to date me. We both turn 18 in the Fall, so its almost 5 years now. I keep telling her I am flattered, but I only date guys, but it seems to go over her head. The tonight, I got this im:

Alice: -smiles- You are so cute
lner44: Huh?
Alice: -giggles-
lner44: What?
Alice: -sits on your floor-
lner44: Yes?
Alice: I want you
lner44: for?
Alice: -rolls my eyes-
Alice: I want you to date me, and not guys
lner44: why?
Alice: I'm attracted to you
lner44: Lol, pull the other one.
Alice: Sam.
lner44: Yes?
Alice: I love you
lner44: I love you aswell, and thats why you are my best friend

Im sure I am missing something here. I am trying not to loose it with her, but she wont take any damned hints that I am not intrested in the slightest. I've been gentle, rude, ignored her, been more clingy and nothing works! I'm worrying if it is her mental health, as she is bi-polar, and I think she may be creating the sexuality of mself, and the rest of me as two diffrent people and ignoring the fact I am gay..

 

[Cruxis]

^fuck her and dont talk to her again

guaranteed she will hate you and wont speak to you anymore, works all the time!

 

[varanus_komodoensis]

To sum things up

Since I was 13, my best friend has been trying to date me. We both turn 18 in the Fall, so its almost 5 years now. I keep telling her I am flattered, but I only date guys, but it seems to go over her head. The tonight, I got this im:

Alice: -smiles- You are so cute
lner44: Huh?
Alice: -giggles-
lner44: What?
Alice: -sits on your floor-
lner44: Yes?
Alice: I want you
lner44: for?
Alice: -rolls my eyes-
Alice: I want you to date me, and not guys
lner44: why?
Alice: I'm attracted to you
lner44: Lol, pull the other one.
Alice: Sam.
lner44: Yes?
Alice: I love you
lner44: I love you aswell, and thats why you are my best friend

Im sure I am missing something here. I am trying not to loose it with her, but she wont take any damned hints that I am not intrested in the slightest. I've been gentle, rude, ignored her, been more clingy and nothing works! I'm worrying if it is her mental health, as she is bi-polar, and I think she may be creating the sexuality of mself, and the rest of me as two diffrent people and ignoring the fact I am gay..

Your friend is obviously in denial. She knows that you are gay, as she mentioned it in her IM. She probably thinks she can turn you straight. Also, that "I love you" doesn't mean "I love you as a friend", it means "I love you romantically". I'm not sure if there's anything you can do besides continuing to say no to her. I wouldn't be belligerent, of course. I would just keep repeating to her every time that she brings it up, "Alice, I am gay. I don't want to date you or any girl, and I never will. I am attracted to guys, and nothing is ever going to happen between us because you are straight and I am gay." Be completely straight with her (pun intended ) and just keep telling her the same thing every time.

 

[Zevn]

^fuck her and dont talk to her again

guaranteed she will hate you and wont speak to you anymore, works all the time!

This does not work all the time. This actually makes them try to get you harder. No srs, you must be joking anyway.

Anyway, Varanus advice is good but missing something. Your friend has obviously sexualized you in her head, and forgive me if this sounds a little bit like stereotyping: The gay guys I know are often very playful with their female friends. It can seem like they are being flirty, if this is something you do, be more mindful and cut down on it.

Also I suggest trying to find someone else for her to be interested in, like set her up with one of your straight friends. Someone with surface beauty is a good way to get them to stop idealizing you.

 

[G50]

To sum things up

Since I was 13, my best friend has been trying to date me. We both turn 18 in the Fall, so its almost 5 years now. I keep telling her I am flattered, but I only date guys, but it seems to go over her head. The tonight, I got this im:

Alice: -smiles- You are so cute
lner44: Huh?
Alice: -giggles-
lner44: What?
Alice: -sits on your floor-
lner44: Yes?
Alice: I want you
lner44: for?
Alice: -rolls my eyes-
Alice: I want you to date me, and not guys
lner44: why?
Alice: I'm attracted to you
lner44: Lol, pull the other one.
Alice: Sam.
lner44: Yes?
Alice: I love you
lner44: I love you aswell, and thats why you are my best friend

Im sure I am missing something here. I am trying not to loose it with her, but she wont take any damned hints that I am not intrested in the slightest. I've been gentle, rude, ignored her, been more clingy and nothing works! I'm worrying if it is her mental health, as she is bi-polar, and I think she may be creating the sexuality of mself, and the rest of me as two diffrent people and ignoring the fact I am gay..

She most likely hasn't accepted the fact that you're Gay and not interested, or she just doesn't want to believe it because she loves you too much to accept the truth. Instead of just dropping hints; explain to her in full detail the truth, but say it so that she does not get upset or offended. Unfortunately it may take awhile for her to eventually accept the truth, if she continues after that and won't stop then it's borderlining on harrassment and would have to be dealt with in a different manner.

 

[Cruxis]

Well nidoking, she cant bother you anymore if she is dead.

Nomsayn?

 

[Gelatino95]

Well nidoking, she cant bother you anymore if she is dead.

Nomsayn?

But that would be too easy. Sometimes we have to make life challenging so we can have some fun, Nomsayn?

 

[Calamity™]

Im sure I am missing something here. I am trying not to loose it with her, but she wont take any damned hints that I am not intrested in the slightest. I've been gentle, rude, ignored her, been more clingy and nothing works! I'm worrying if it is her mental health, as she is bi-polar, and I think she may be creating the sexuality of mself, and the rest of me as two diffrent people and ignoring the fact I am gay..

As has been said, this could be denial, although the way she's talking I would say it was downright stupidity. There's not really much more you can do but reject her constantly, or you could give her an ultimatum. Something along the lines of "If you want to remain friends, back off!" If she's going to constantly pester you and make things awkward, then it's probably not worth remaining friends anyway. What an unusual lady...

 

[YaDunGoofed]

Okay, so I have an audition for the Honor Band around here ( where high schoolers from neighboring counties come and make an elite band), in about 3 hours! I'm so nervous, I hate being the only one playing, and I'll be recorded, which is even worse. I also barely know the piece with the patterns, and it's too far above my range. any ways to relax or make an excuse?* I mean, our band event is so little, I'm pretty much garunteed a spot, even though I bomb all the auditions.

 

[Calamity™]

Okay, so I have an audition for the Honor Band around here ( where high schoolers from neighboring counties come and make an elite band), in about 3 hours! I'm so nervous, I hate being the only one playing, and I'll be recorded, which is even worse. I also barely know the piece with the patterns, and it's too far above my range. any ways to relax or make an excuse?* I mean, our band event is so little, I'm pretty much garunteed a spot, even though I bomb all the auditions.

Well, I really would have advised that you spend a lot of time going through what it is you're playing, but with only three hours left it's not a good sign that you barely know the piece. Regardless of that, you just need to try to pretend that you're going to a normal session and all these recordings aren't happening. Just do your best and make sure to keep practising in the little time you have left. Also, if you are certain that you're guaranteed a position, then that should be less reason to worry, but still don't slack on the practise. And good luck!
Also, just adding this in, sometimes it's not bad to miss out. If the work they expect from you is too far above your range, then perhaps it's better that you don't advance yet. It could be quite stressful having to live up to higher expectations when you're not quite at that level yet.

 

[YaDunGoofed]

Thank you! But also, I tend to get red and embarrassed pretty easily. Any pep talk? Lol.

 

[Gelatino95]

Okay, so I have an audition for the Honor Band around here ( where high schoolers from neighboring counties come and make an elite band), in about 3 hours! I'm so nervous, I hate being the only one playing, and I'll be recorded, which is even worse. I also barely know the piece with the patterns, and it's too far above my range. any ways to relax or make an excuse?* I mean, our band event is so little, I'm pretty much garunteed a spot, even though I bomb all the auditions.

What do you play?

Anyway, I can say from experience that after you've done enough auditions, you stop getting nervous. Sort of like playing solos in concerts (I never got nervous from playing solos but I assumed it would be a good comparison for most people). The best way to be confident is to spend a lot of time fixing any issues you have with your audition music. Make sure you can play the part from start to finish without a problem. I assume you were given enough time for that since it should only take a few days at most.

 

[Calamity™]

Thank you! But also, I tend to get red and embarrassed pretty easily. Any pep talk? Lol.

My pep talk would be to go practise already!!! There's not really anything anyone can say that would help with nerves and being embarrassed in front of a group of people. Although as Gelatino95 said, these things get easier the more you do them, so take it as getting some good experience!

 

[Gelatino95]

Also one thing I can say is this: I don't know you, but I can pretty much guarantee that the judges have heard musicians far worse than you. There are some pretty terrible musicians out there who you clearly haven't seen yet.

 

[G50]

Okay, so I have an audition for the Honor Band around here ( where high schoolers from neighboring counties come and make an elite band), in about 3 hours! I'm so nervous, I hate being the only one playing, and I'll be recorded, which is even worse. I also barely know the piece with the patterns, and it's too far above my range. any ways to relax or make an excuse?* I mean, our band event is so little, I'm pretty much garunteed a spot, even though I bomb all the auditions.

Thank you! But also, I tend to get red and embarrassed pretty easily. Any pep talk? Lol.

Make sure to go through your audition piece at least 3 more times, just to give you more confidence. Even give yourself some confidence by telling yourself "I can do this". It's better to not assume that you will make it, that might hinder your performance if you think that way. Before your performance, take a few deep breaths and then right before you start playing make sure you are nice and calm before beginning.

 

[Angeltripper]

hey guys, I'm back to the thing with the girl. After taking time, we are finally dating. Thanks or your help