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The Official Advice Thread

Iristle

I make no sense
Here comes another relationship problem... Or at least thinking about relationships.
I'm in sixth form right now (I'm 17) and I've never had a boyfriend before. This is mainly because almost literally none of the boys in my year are interesting to me, at least not enough that brooks a relationship, but yeah, on to the point.
Recently, I've been experiencing a lot of feelings about a boy in our social group. We've been friends since around year 8-9 and we discovered we both like Pokémon in around year 10, so we definitely have some things in common. I used to find him a little bit annoying because sometimes he would carry things on farther than necessary, but now that doesn't seem to bother me that much. He isn't the most attractive person I've met physically, but I still feel for him more than a friend. In fact, I started developing feelings in and around year 11, but they've faded in and out, but now have come back in force.
I don't know if he feels the same about me, but we get along well. Everyone in the year says we look cute together and sometimes ask if we're going out, and more than once I've been in an awkward situation where people in my classes pester me about him, which results in me getting embarrassed.
Now, I'd be all well and good voicing my feelings, but the problem is I'm very shy, especially about subjects like this. I'm also worried that he'll either say he doesn't feel the same for me or, if we do get together, that the relationship might not last. I can be a pretty fickle person at times and I hate making decisions I might regret in the future. I'm aware that everyone has to make mistakes but it's rather ingrained in me to try and not make them -I'm an awful perfectionist.
I want to ask my best friend for advice but I can never seem to be in a situation with her where I can feel comfortable in admitting my feelings. She's a very talkative person so the conversations we have can be one sided, plus I'm not really one to usually admit things about myself.
But on to the actual question. Should I just go for it straight off and ask if he feels the same about me or not bother and try to move on? I've never done this before so I'm very inexperienced in this sort of stuff. :x
 
Here comes another relationship problem... Or at least thinking about relationships.
I'm in sixth form right now (I'm 17) and I've never had a boyfriend before. This is mainly because almost literally none of the boys in my year are interesting to me, at least not enough that brooks a relationship, but yeah, on to the point.
Recently, I've been experiencing a lot of feelings about a boy in our social group. We've been friends since around year 8-9 and we discovered we both like Pokémon in around year 10, so we definitely have some things in common. I used to find him a little bit annoying because sometimes he would carry things on farther than necessary, but now that doesn't seem to bother me that much. He isn't the most attractive person I've met physically, but I still feel for him more than a friend. In fact, I started developing feelings in and around year 11, but they've faded in and out, but now have come back in force.
I don't know if he feels the same about me, but we get along well. Everyone in the year says we look cute together and sometimes ask if we're going out, and more than once I've been in an awkward situation where people in my classes pester me about him, which results in me getting embarrassed.
Now, I'd be all well and good voicing my feelings, but the problem is I'm very shy, especially about subjects like this. I'm also worried that he'll either say he doesn't feel the same for me or, if we do get together, that the relationship might not last. I can be a pretty fickle person at times and I hate making decisions I might regret in the future. I'm aware that everyone has to make mistakes but it's rather ingrained in me to try and not make them -I'm an awful perfectionist.
I want to ask my best friend for advice but I can never seem to be in a situation with her where I can feel comfortable in admitting my feelings. She's a very talkative person so the conversations we have can be one sided, plus I'm not really one to usually admit things about myself.
But on to the actual question. Should I just go for it straight off and ask if he feels the same about me or not bother and try to move on? I've never done this before so I'm very inexperienced in this sort of stuff. :x
Fortune favors the bold. It is better to know how he feels than continue to worry about it. If it turns out you split up after a while, then things are what they are. but if you find even a day of happiness together, than that is a victory worth fighting for.
 

iFi Salamander

I'm a vampire!
Why am I so indifferent to the idea of any kind of sexual partner unlike everyone else my age?

This question has been weighing on me.

I know I can't really commit, but I seem to be totally disinterested.
 

THRILLHO

nothin' at all
probably because you haven't found someone who interests you properly? i had been disinterested for like the last 2-3 years but i am interested in someone now and it's completely different to just "she's hot" or "she's cool" or whatever
 

Ludwig

Well-Known Member
Why am I so indifferent to the idea of any kind of sexual partner unlike everyone else my age?

This question has been weighing on me.

I know I can't really commit, but I seem to be totally disinterested.

I think that you'd get a more accurate answer if you asked a proper psychologist about it. A behavior oriented biologist might work too. Actually, just anyone educated in abnormal human behavior, whatever the title is.
Your condition have likely occurred in other people too, so I suspect that there have been research about it.
 

Zazie

So 1991
Why am I so indifferent to the idea of any kind of sexual partner unlike everyone else my age?

This question has been weighing on me.

I know I can't really commit, but I seem to be totally disinterested.

Some people don't experience sexual attraction. The term is called Asexual. You may or may not be asexual, that's kind of for you to decide, but there isn't anything wrong with you.
 
Some people don't experience sexual attraction. The term is called Asexual. You may or may not be asexual, that's kind of for you to decide, but there isn't anything wrong with you.

It could also just be moot's suggestion. Sometimes people just have those moments of waning between attraction and seeking partners and disinterest. While I'm not discounting the suggestion he may be asexual, I just think in most cases this is more true.

To throw in my own two cents here, I identify as asexual myself.
 

Roseheart95

El Psy Congroo
Why am I so indifferent to the idea of any kind of sexual partner unlike everyone else my age?

This question has been weighing on me.

I know I can't really commit, but I seem to be totally disinterested.

How old are you? If you're still relatively young, I wouldn't be too worried. Maybe you just haven't met somebody you like enough yet, as moot said. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but love often hits when you're not expecting it.
 

iFi Salamander

I'm a vampire!
It could also just be moot's suggestion. Sometimes people just have those moments of waning between attraction and seeking partners and disinterest. While I'm not discounting the suggestion he may be asexual, I just think in most cases this is more true.

To throw in my own two cents here, I identify as asexual myself.

This. I am definitely not asexual. Just can't find anyone I am attracted to even if they are attractive lately.

Probably because I know any relationship I have now would basically exist purely for just the sex, as my current stage of life could not settle for any objective long-lasting relationship.

Also I don't believe in asexuality.
 

Dragon trainer

Arise from the Ashes
This. I am definitely not asexual. Just can't find anyone I am attracted to even if they are attractive lately.

Probably because I know any relationship I have now would basically exist purely for just the sex, as my current stage of life could not settle for any objective long-lasting relationship.

Also I don't believe in asexuality.

It could be that simply you just dont in yourself feel that you are ready for that stage of life. Dont get yourself worked up on this aspect of life. Some people want and do have sex earlier some dont. You sound like you're the type of person based on your reply im quoting that you would like to build up the relationship before that aspect occurs.
 

GhostAnime

Searching for her...
"Don't get worked up on this aspect of life." Easier said than done.
 

Pesky Persian

Caffeine Queen
It could be that simply you just dont in yourself feel that you are ready for that stage of life. Dont get yourself worked up on this aspect of life. Some people want and do have sex earlier some dont. You sound like you're the type of person based on your reply im quoting that you would like to build up the relationship before that aspect occurs.

You kind of sound like you're making the assumption that he's a virgin. Also, did you not notice the part where he said his reason for not wanting a long-term relationship is because it would pretty much only be about the sex? Sometimes I wonder if people on this site have even heard of reading comprehension.

IFi, I'm not totally sure what your actual question is, but I can assure you that you're not the only person your age who has had this experience. All you can do is wait it out. Or just satisfy your needs with people who aren't interested in a relationship until someone you really want comes along.
 
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Sometimes I wonder if people on this site have even heard of reading comprehension.

Likewise, some people could show some tact rather than calling them out on something this trite.

What iFi needs to do is find what he's looking for in a relationship. Or what he ultimately wants from one. I know that's basically what he's asking but really none of us are in any place to answer it for him. If he sees no point to having a long term relationship, then try and figure out what point he sees in relationships at all.
 

Kreis

Still Dirrty
But PeskyPersian, think of their feelings!
 

Prelude

Prelude
there are some crazy people out there that have things called feelings.

but fuck em

if sex isn't a big deal to you then it isn't. it really shouldn't be anyway but biology and endorphins and all that
 

Pesky Persian

Caffeine Queen
I don't really think people should say whether sex should or shouldn't be a big deal to other people. It's really up to the individuals involved. Plus, there's nothing wrong with valuing sex in a relationship. Ifi also didn't say anything about not being interested in sex in general. He said he hasn't found someone sexually attractive in a while. There's a big difference there.
 
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