The Official Advice Thread

[Moonrox]

This probably isn't the place for it, but I've always known SPPF as a good place for semi-anon advice.

I've been known to cut in the past when things got really bad. I hadn't cut for 3 or 4 months, until today. My problem is these two girls. One's name is Lindsey, the other is Liz. My only experience with girls (being thirteen) is full of hate and regret. Lindsey is 15, while Liz is 14, so both are older than me, although not by much. Now, the problem is, I love Lindsey, and she loved me, but she lost feelings for me when another guy asked her out. She doesn't love this guy, but she likes him as more than a friend, if that makes any sense. I like Liz, but I don't love her. I'd be willing to date her - I have before, actually, dated both Liz and Lindsey (not at the same time .-.). I really love Lindsey, and I don't want to lose her, but now that she has a boyfriend, she doesn't want anything to do with me. Liz loves me, but I'm not over Lindsey. I want advice... Liz makes me happier than Lindsey did, but I never loved Liz, and I've always loved Lindsey. So, should I stick around Lindsey until she gets her heart broken by this guy, even though she wants me gone, or should I go for Liz, even though I don't love her?

It was after I cut myself that I realized asking for advice would've been a better alternative. I know it's bad, but I panicked.

 

[Jb]

This probably isn't the place for it, but I've always known SPPF as a good place for semi-anon advice.

I've been known to cut in the past when things got really bad. I hadn't cut for 3 or 4 months, until today. My problem is these two girls. One's name is Lindsey, the other is Liz. My only experience with girls (being thirteen) is full of hate and regret. Lindsey is 15, while Liz is 14, so both are older than me, although not by much. Now, the problem is, I love Lindsey, and she loved me, but she lost feelings for me when another guy asked her out. She doesn't love this guy, but she likes him as more than a friend, if that makes any sense. I like Liz, but I don't love her. I'd be willing to date her - I have before, actually, dated both Liz and Lindsey (not at the same time .-.). I really love Lindsey, and I don't want to lose her, but now that she has a boyfriend, she doesn't want anything to do with me. Liz loves me, but I'm not over Lindsey. I want advice... Liz makes me happier than Lindsey did, but I never loved Liz, and I've always loved Lindsey. So, should I stick around Lindsey until she gets her heart broken by this guy, even though she wants me gone, or should I go for Liz, even though I don't love her?

It was after I cut myself that I realized asking for advice would've been a better alternative. I know it's bad, but I panicked.

I'm gonna tell you straight up. Don't cut yourself. Next, there isn't any "love" at that age. That fact that she "lost feelings" for you simply by being asked out is proof enough. This seems like some weird teenage love triangle/square(?). The best option would be to avoid either of those girls relationship wise outside of friendship. One you really don't like, the other didn't care when someone else came along.

As for the cutting, i'd seriously recommend getting help. Especially if it's over something as trivial as this. Either that, or find something else to occupy you time. Like a sport or a hobby.

 

[Plus side down side]

This probably isn't the place for it, but I've always known SPPF as a good place for semi-anon advice.

I've been known to cut in the past when things got really bad. I hadn't cut for 3 or 4 months, until today. My problem is these two girls. One's name is Lindsey, the other is Liz. My only experience with girls (being thirteen) is full of hate and regret. Lindsey is 15, while Liz is 14, so both are older than me, although not by much. Now, the problem is, I love Lindsey, and she loved me, but she lost feelings for me when another guy asked her out. She doesn't love this guy, but she likes him as more than a friend, if that makes any sense. I like Liz, but I don't love her. I'd be willing to date her - I have before, actually, dated both Liz and Lindsey (not at the same time .-.). I really love Lindsey, and I don't want to lose her, but now that she has a boyfriend, she doesn't want anything to do with me. Liz loves me, but I'm not over Lindsey. I want advice... Liz makes me happier than Lindsey did, but I never loved Liz, and I've always loved Lindsey. So, should I stick around Lindsey until she gets her heart broken by this guy, even though she wants me gone, or should I go for Liz, even though I don't love her?

It was after I cut myself that I realized asking for advice would've been a better alternative. I know it's bad, but I panicked.

I've been in your situation before, and I know it sucks. Now my advice is going to be kind of painful, but it's honestly probably best that you don't date either of them.

You shouldn't be banking on Lindsey getting her heart broken. If you are going to wait until she is hurt to take action, then you could very well lose her. It isn't fair to her for you to want somebody to leave her, and it isn't fair for you to have to wait for something that may or may not happen. The same thing goes for Liz. You shouldn't have to settle for someone who you don't have strong feelings for, and you shouldn't drag out her feelings either. I was in your exact same position, and at first, I tried to date my Liz. However, I couldn't get over Lindsey and made a stupid mistake. In the end, I lost both of them. It isn't worth having all three of your hearts broken.

You're only thirteen, you are going to meet plenty of girls in your life. Sometimes, all you have to do is wait to find someone amazing. It's longer, and it's lonlier, but the relationship will actually be worth something. It isn't going to be a regrettable mess filled with drama and sadness. You'll find someone, but as of right now, neither of those girls are right for you. Maybe some day they will, but right now, you should just wait for a better situation to come along.

 

[varanus_komodoensis]

I've been in your situation before, and I know it sucks. Now my advice is going to be kind of painful, but it's honestly probably best that you don't date either of them.

You shouldn't be banking on Lindsey getting her heart broken. If you are going to wait until she is hurt to take action, then you could very well lose her. It isn't fair to her for you to want somebody to leave her, and it isn't fair for you to have to wait for something that may or may not happen. The same thing goes for Liz. You shouldn't have to settle for someone who you don't have strong feelings for, and you shouldn't drag out her feelings either. I was in your exact same position, and at first, I tried to date my Liz. However, I couldn't get over Lindsey and made a stupid mistake. In the end, I lost both of them. It isn't worth having all three of your hearts broken.

You're only thirteen, you are going to meet plenty of girls in your life. Sometimes, all you have to do is wait to find someone amazing. It's longer, and it's lonlier, but the relationship will actually be worth something. It isn't going to be a regrettable mess filled with drama and sadness. You'll find someone, but as of right now, neither of those girls are right for you. Maybe some day they will, but right now, you should just wait for a better situation to come along.

I second everything that "plus side" said. This advice could not have been said better.

I want to re-emphasize that you are thirteen. You have your whole entire life ahead of you. When you're in high school in a couple of years, you won't even remember the names of the people you were friends with in middle school, and you certainly won't remember them when you're in college. Right now, you and all of your classmates, even the older ones like Lindsey and Liz, are still maturing. Who you - and they- are now is not who you will be next year, or the year after that. You change so radically in between middle and high-school, and even within high school. And then you change radically again when you leave high school and go to college.

The point of this is that your goal now, as a middle-schooler, and also your goal as a high-schooler, is not to be in a relationship. When you're a teenager, having a boyfriend or girlfriend seems "cool" and mature, and people are borderline obsessed with it. But fostering a relationship should not be something that you should seek out while you're that young. If it happens, it happens. But it's not something that you should be actively looking for. Instead, you should be actively looking for life experiences that will help you grow into a thoughtful, kind, and interesting person, because these experiences and how you grow from them are what will make people want to be in a relationship with you when you are older. Relationships are something that you can only truly handle when you are an emancipated, employed, financially stable adult with a couple of decades of life experiences behind you.

 

[Prelude]

Well today I started college. I had a decent day at best but I am feeling very dejected and lonely. It was onset by the events of yesterday.

I have posted about this particular female before. I've been involved with a girl for about 8 months or so now. I've dated her before and for the past 3 months we've been in this limbo between friends and dating. We were taking a break but we agreed not to see other people until we were ready.
Time past and I eventually expressed my feelings to see her again and she said until she was ready. So I kinda put my yearning for her presence to the side awaiting a time she'd want to see me again.
And I waited, and waited.
Well a few weeks ago she told me she was going to see a guy friend of hers that just "recently had a break up, now he's feeling depressed, so I'm going to be his shoulder to cry on". Already this was fishy to me but I stupidly trusted her, only come to find out that yesterday she spend the entire day with him.
Apparently she is harboring feelings for this guy. She told me that she "loves me but he makes me smile". She sugar coated this **** all day when we discussed it. Basically I don't make her happy anymore. I don't cut the mustard.

Honestly I would have taken this much differently if she just told me she was going to see someone else. But she blatantly lied to me and decided she would wait until now to tell me.
I feel like trash. Unwanted. Lonely. I poured my heart out for her and my feelings get trashed for another guy so quickly. My heart is broken. And I feel stupid for going on this 3 month ride for this result. I feel like a total idiot.

How the hell do I pick myself up? What did I do wrong here? What went wrong here exactly? I'm a wreck right now. My self esteem is at a new low. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. I just need some sort of advice, anything. I need help.

i knew how this story was going to end when you said you were going between phases.

you gave her everything she wanted and got nothing in return.

find another girl and don't sell yourself short.

or go read a book about how to manage your self-esteem/social value. how to win friends and influence people is a good one.

 

[Allonso]

3DS or DS? Just wondering which I should get... Sold my old DS a few years ago and now that online battles are finally a reality I want to get back into training and battling with competitive teams. Which device should I get? Ultimately I just want to be able to keep up with the competitive aspect now that it's available to me.

DS is cheaper and can play up to Black/White with the GBA slot to transfer Pokemon from Fire Red/Emerald, but 3DS can play all the old and new games excluding the GBA releases. Thoughts?

 

[hawkeye721]

Get a 3ds, the DS has no more games being made for it, you can play the entire library on the 3ds, and pokemon transferring isnt a huge deal unless you are attached to your pokemon and/or trying to catch them all. Also you could probably buy a gameboy advanced for cheap of ebay or craigslist.

 

[Kikkoman]

On that though, the normal 3DS should suffice - I don't think anyone really needs the 3DS XL... Or you could wait for the new 2DS (lol), but to me that kinda looks like a mini iPad in being flat, not even foldable, and... yeh...

 

[Zazie]

If coast is an issue you can get a 2DS. It's cheaper than a 3DS but still plays your 3DS game. It's supposed to come out when Pokemon X and Y do.

No I am not making stuff up. Nintendo did just recently announce a 2ds.

 

[intergalactic platypus]

3DS or DS? Just wondering which I should get... Sold my old DS a few years ago and now that online battles are finally a reality I want to get back into training and battling with competitive teams. Which device should I get? Ultimately I just want to be able to keep up with the competitive aspect now that it's available to me.

DS is cheaper and can play up to Black/White with the GBA slot to transfer Pokemon from Fire Red/Emerald, but 3DS can play all the old and new games excluding the GBA releases. Thoughts?

The Animal Crossing special edition 3DS XL looks like a Pop Tart, so there's that. That's what finally broke me and made me get a 3DS.

 

[varanus_komodoensis]

On that though, the normal 3DS should suffice - I don't think anyone really needs the 3DS XL... Or you could wait for the new 2DS (lol), but to me that kinda looks like a mini iPad in being flat, not even foldable, and... yeh...

3DS or DS? Just wondering which I should get... Sold my old DS a few years ago and now that online battles are finally a reality I want to get back into training and battling with competitive teams. Which device should I get? Ultimately I just want to be able to keep up with the competitive aspect now that it's available to me.

DS is cheaper and can play up to Black/White with the GBA slot to transfer Pokemon from Fire Red/Emerald, but 3DS can play all the old and new games excluding the GBA releases. Thoughts?

If coast is an issue you can get a 2DS. It's cheaper than a 3DS but still plays your 3DS game. It's supposed to come out when Pokemon X and Y do.

No I am not making stuff up. Nintendo did just recently announce a 2ds.

I agree with all of this. Nintendo will no longer be making regular DS games, so a 3DS, while more expensive, is a better investment since you'll actually be able to play all of the DS and 3DS games on it. If you can't afford it, get a 2DS, which is the same as the 3DS but doesn't have the 3D feature (that's why it's called a 2DS). And nobody seriously needs a DSXL or 3DSXL. Why does that even exist?

The issue that I have with the 2DS is what Kikkoman said - why is it not foldable?? Part of the reason I like the DS and 3DS line is the clamshell screen folding - it protects the screen. People put their DSes in their backpacks and travel bags and all kinds of places. The 2DS is going to have major screen scratching issues, while the clamshell has kept my DS and 3DS screens looking as good as when I first got them. If you scratch or break that touchscreen, you're screwed because almost every game requires the touchscreen to function. I'm sure it will have an Internet connection, though, so you can trade Pokemon....

 

[Waterpokes]

So I just recently started school again, and is now on my last year before moving to university/college. Having just started again, I have an dilemma.

So I got new teachers from three of my lessons, lessons that each student get to chose. I just continued on the lessons I had last school year. The teacher I have in my English class is just not cutting it for me. He explains poorly, can't write anything on the board and does little to keep the attention on him during class. He starts talking about a topic and I'm just not interested. I then just start browsing the internet for 1 1/2 hours, not learning anything. I can do that in all my other classes, but I only do that in his. The previous year, I was really into the English lessons. The teacher I had then was strict, but good. Back then I paid attention and I was interested in the topics. I was active during class and I rarely every went on my PC during class.

So after thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that I want to switch English class. My former teacher, who I had last year, has the other English class. However, there are some factors that might not work my way.

The first one is that I don't want to switch my two other classes. We just recently started a group project in one my other classes and the other class I have, has a damn good teacher. If I switch English classes, I probably have to switch one or both of my other classes as well. The second problem is, what am I supposed to tell the school advisor? Can I tell her that I want to switch classes because my teacher sucks?

So any thoughts? Last year, the English lessons were by far the more interesting class I had. Now, I lost my interest, which is not good, considering its my last year.

 

[Mandi.]

Is school supposed to be interesting?
jk, but seriously......

Be honest with your school advisor. Just let them know you're not learning much from the way your current teacher teaches, and you want to switch into another class.
Why would you have to switch your other classes? You're in high school correct? It may be different from how my high school was, but if there was really an issue with a class and/or teacher, we could just talk to our counselor and possibly change that one class to fit our schedule properly. So I would definitely talk to whoever you need for that to happen.

 

[Prelude]

get accepted into college and stop caring about high school grades

 

[Kaasuti]

Well i have a big confusing problem today. It's pretty stupid, but here goes.

I've been friend with a guy for seven years now and we are really good and pretty close friends. Over those seven years i have kinda' fallen for him but i've not really said much about it to him and i don't think he has a clue really. Anyhow, the problem is that since March 2012 he has been wanting us both to get in down to our birthday suits on Camara. I did do this a couple of time for a laugh just because we are friends and it's pretty funny. However he now wants to be naked in (as he calls it) "In real life". He knows this frightens me as i'm pretty shy and i'm worried that will lead to other things which would/could ruin the friendship. He always tells me "Not to read in to it", but that to me makes no sense. How can you want to get naked with someone and expect them not to think somethings going on?.

We are both spoken for, which makes things even more dodgy. I know this is bad, which is why i'm too scared of anything happening that shouldn't. I don't want to cheat!.

I'm looking forward to reading your responses because i have no clue what is going on here.

 

[ChloboShoka]

My family keep telling me to change my job. But I want to keep the job I've got. What part of I don't want to leave my job do they not understand? I know I work everyday, the hours are random and the walking can be extensive, and the work can be hard but I love my job. I dont think I will find anywhere else with a lovely boss and friendly working enviroment. If I change work, sure the money would be more but I know I would be unhappy because the atmosphere won't be as good.

 

[Kaasuti]

My family keep telling me to change my job. But I want to keep the job I've got. What part of I don't want to leave my job do they not understand? I know I work everyday, the hours are random and the walking can be extensive, and the work can be hard but I love my job. I dont think I will find anywhere else with a lovely boss and friendly working enviroment. If I change work, sure the money would be more but I know I would be unhappy because the atmosphere won't be as good.

I personally think happiness at work is alot better than the amount of money you recieve. Have you said this to your parents?. They shouldn't keep bothering you about it if you are happy.

 

[ChloboShoka]

I personally think happiness at work is alot better than the amount of money you recieve. Have you said this to your parents?. They shouldn't keep bothering you about it if you are happy.

They said, "I know you're enjoying it but you'll get proper hours and proper breaks. And winter is coming and I don't want you walking around in the snow." And my mum is forcing me to apply to jobs that I don't want. I keep telling her but she doesn't take it. They won't stop until I get a new job. I've only been in this job for 6 months, I want to wait at least 18 before I consider changing.

 

[Kikkoman]

Hey everyone,
I posted about this recently (pg 154) and I just want a suggestion as to how to tackle this. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, I'm feeling I've got a fair bit of closure. Although it's probably/hopefully only temporary, she's only just (like today) blocked me on Facebook for a bit just 'cause she finds having me there not very good for her, and we all deal with things differently and I respect that. As I said in my earlier posts, though, I know her FB password... and unlike those past posts, I'm very convinced now that I shouldn't log on to her account, for a number of good and very obvious reasons, but while I know all that 99% of the time, for 1% of the time, I fear that I could be weak and try to log on to her account. I have two options: 1- tell her that I know her password and that she should change it, while telling her that I really haven't looked at it and it was only by chance that I found the password, which would make it impossible for me to dwell on it but also possible that any hope of future friendship would be lost, with the loss of trust... or 2- just not tell her and always have an inner conflict in those 1% times of bad judgement. Any thoughts? I'm just being honest, I do my best to abstain but I do have moments of weakness

 

[Puma Italia]

Hey everyone,
I posted about this recently (pg 154) and I just want a suggestion as to how to tackle this. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, I'm feeling I've got a fair bit of closure. Although it's probably/hopefully only temporary, she's only just (like today) blocked me on Facebook for a bit just 'cause she finds having me there not very good for her, and we all deal with things differently and I respect that. As I said in my earlier posts, though, I know her FB password... and unlike those past posts, I'm very convinced now that I shouldn't log on to her account, for a number of good and very obvious reasons, but while I know all that 99% of the time, for 1% of the time, I fear that I could be weak and try to log on to her account. I have two options: 1- tell her that I know her password and that she should change it, while telling her that I really haven't looked at it and it was only by chance that I found the password, which would make it impossible for me to dwell on it but also possible that any hope of future friendship would be lost, with the loss of trust... or 2- just not tell her and always have an inner conflict in those 1% times of bad judgement. Any thoughts? I'm just being honest, I do my best to abstain but I do have moments of weakness

You'd be surprised how much good just communicating will do for you. You are very self aware and for your own benefit you should ask her to change her password. No sense in beating around the bush. Let her know that it's bothering you. She blocked you because you broke up with her and anything she sees relating to you probably hurts. You should respect that (and it looks like you do).

Snooping on your SO's facebook page is relationship suicide in my opinion. I never snoop on my girlfriend's page because I trust her. Obviously doesn't matter in your case but yeah, don't do it. Your curiosity will get the best of you and you may end up getting burned. How would you feel if she is already talking to a new guy? Probably not great.