The Official Advice Thread

[Mr.Munchlax]

Mr. Munchlax: . . . I'm curious, though. When you were motivated, did you enjoy the work you did, find it exciting or satisfying?

Yes & no. Whether it was a project in one of my majors, an assignment I just loved in general, or just something I did for a gen ed, I always focused and gave my 120%. At the beginning of my time as a student, I would spend weekends up in the art studio working on art projects, papers, etc. Wanting to get everything out of the way as soon as possible. The procrastination started my freshman year, but it was only in small amounts. Then as the years went by it became worse & worse, and then last year after I only worked an 8-5 job in the summer and was beginning to suffer from a serious case of senioritis, I started spiraling downhill.

Would you call yourself a perfectionist?

Heck yes, more than you can imagine!! Even when procrastinating, I would always make sure I give my best quality work. I may have turned into a bit of a slacker, but I always work my but off when I need to, otherwise I never would've graduated with 3 majors, a minor, and a 3.94 GPA

I also have times when I can be a workaholic, I beat myself up all the time whenever I make a mistake, and I often take the phrase "you're your own worst enemy" to a new level

Have your sleeping and/or eating habits changed?

I changed and shifted them around all the time due to my schedules and whatever assignments I needed to work on

When procrastination is severe enough, it may be a result of stress (which can initiate a bad cycle). I have even seen procrastination as a symptom in cases of stress-induced depression and anxiety - but that is a very extreme and extended case, and you shouldn't worry that it's the case for you. Either way, if you are at the point of tears over your procrastination/lack of motivation, you might consider speaking to your school's counseling services (I assume, here, that your school does offer such services; they are de rigeur these days)

Thanks for the advice, but the thing is I wanted some help since I just graduated from school and, since I'm now forced to take a year off staying with my parents until I can hopefully get into grad school this fall, I need to figure out how to get my motivation back now more than ever

 

[shadow wolf]

This is Pokemon related, kinda, but idk where to ask it.

Okay, so I'm kinda OCD about things. In all Pokemon games before generation 6, I named my characters Nick. Nicholas would never fit. In generation 6, the increased letter limit lets me use Nicholas. However, I want my trainer names to all be the same. But I want to use Nicholas since its my full name.

I think I'm insane.

Do whichever one means more to you. You already have perfect reasoning to go against your "OCD" if you so wish. Also, you're not insane.

 

[ellie]

I can speak to people and make friends in class perfectly fine. I can be very personable and open and I attend film school, so everybody can talk about movies all the time. Making friends is easy to me, but keeping friends or getting together with them outside of class is what I don't know how to do.

It being my last year is of no concern. I don't want to graduate without friends either.


My biggest problem is getting friends outside of school and outside of studies. Friends like my old ones who I was able to just hang out with. I don't know how to do that anymore because my old friends and I would always just be hanging out at one guy's basement. I don't know what people my age do now to "hang out."

it might depend on your school's environment, but probably hanging out at the bars would help. you don't have to get drunk (if you don't know people well you really shouldn't), but just having a drink or two and hanging out/talking with some other people can be a lot of fun. also, you should look into the "culture" of the different bars in your area and go to one that suits you. some of it is stereotypes buuut i know in my own town there is a massive difference between the clubby bar, the frat bro bar, the hipstery bar, the tiny dive bar.. etc. i made some of my friends senior year from the bars so it's definitely possible.

 

[Syrus]

Hi people this is the first time I've really done anything like this on this site so I'm a little bit nervous; please forgive me. XD This is actually more for a friend than anyone else; we've both researched and can't seem to come up with a healthy solution to her problem. Here's the issue:

She's a really smart teen living in Ohio that's having some serious problems with her mother and father. She has recordings to prove this of course for use in courts in the future and to prove that it's not that she's bratty or whatever in case anyone might be wondering. Basically, apparently I've been told that Ohio has this thing under state law that if you're a minor and you run away there's consequences; i.e. juvie or that kind of thing. Also apparently family members or friends can't harbour her as it's supposed to be an offence.

Anyway the main issue is really that the environment she's in is very unhealthy; she has evidence her father is verbally and emotionally abusive. She has a therapist who is very inactive on the matter; because legally, there is nothing she can do to proactively get her dad out of her hair besides attempt to fix problems that don't exist, ergo making her life all that much more difficult.

Her mother basically has Stockholm Syndrome. She's an A Student and he's on her back like, very heavily whenever she gets the chance to unwind which I'm told is a very small window (months apart.) She's E-schooled because she's dedicated to her grades over friendships, so she doesn't have a public school support network.

Basically I'd just like to know if there's really any solution out there for her other than puttin' up with it obviously. She's a really great kid and I wanna help so it'd be great to get anyone's input.

(I've also made sure to check this is a relevant post; if it's not I do apologise, go easy please XD)

 

[minerswhocraft]

To respond to you Syrus, the first thing I would have her try is to have a conversation with her father as calmly and maturely as possible. No voice raising, no insulting or blaming. She needs to make her emotions and outlook on the situation very known. If this can be done someplace in public it might be better to avoid a bad reaction from the father and if her becomes abusive others will be there as witness.

This is a tricky situation and it is not healthy at all. Communication is key in healthy relationships. Running away will most likely make things much worse as you seem to know already, but continuing to live uncomfortably needs to stop as well.

Fathers can be the worst person in the world to teenage girls, so be sure to approach the situation as openly as possible.

 

[Syrus]

Thanks so much for the info miners; I'll pass this on!

 

[lokowoko]

ok, it seems this will be the first 2015 prob....i kinda hope someone sees this
here goes
about 6 weeks ago i met this girl through a friend, at first we just had general conversation (side note: we've messaged each other everyday since we met), but more recently it's a mix of asking questions about each other and flirting a little (i try not to flirt, since sometimes i don't notice that i am), and i've started to develop feelings for her, it's like the more we talk, the more i crush on her, since she has a very open nature, i am very open when talking to her, so one time she asked if i had a crush on someone and what do i like about her, simply put she figured out that i have this crush on her a week ago, which would be ok if it wasn't for one little detail: she has a boyfriend (it's a 7 month long distance relationship, also i've mentioned that it's not in nature to even try to do anything that would jeopardize her current relationship), anyways, it doesn't really affect our conversations much apart from when she asks what i like about her (which causes me to make a paragraph of my honest opinion on her), we've skyped a few times, usually just casual talk but the later in the day it gets the more we blush, then last night, we were talking about stuff as usually on skype, then she suddenly gets really shy, and had cut herself off from saying something, me (being really curious) managed to persuade her to tell me what had gotten her so flustered, then she says that she has gotten a tiny crush on me (which made me both a bit happy but also cautious), today we just talked (trough skype) as usual (though she mentioned the crush a few times and (for the first time ever) she had complained a little bit about her bf), after the call, i got a little worried, a part of me thinks that if that tiny crush she says she has grows, it might actually cause her to doubt her current relationship, which would be bad (i've had girls leave me for another guy, i don't really want to be responsible for that happening to another guy), all this sums up to is, i don't know what i should do, i want to keep talking to her, but i don't to cause trouble. i need opinions and advice, what should i do?

(also feel free to ask for additional information if need be)

 

[Crash & Charm]

oh, wow.

first off I wish you the best of luck and I hope my advice helps.

I was in a similar position to you about 5 months ago. Eerily similar, It was slightly different, but many of the points were similar. The girl I fell in love with had been crushing on this other guy(My best friend, funnily enough) for about 6 years. She had told this me this over skype.

What changed everything was when I realized that I liked her. I didn't say anything for a long time. I talked it out with a couple of good friends I know and I got some support. So I went ahead and told her. I was open and up front, and she responded well. I figured that the worst that could happen was a little awkwardness between us and then we could move on and still be friends.

The girl is now my Girlfriend and everything is going really well!

My Gf sent this to me a couple of weeks ago, it was surprisingly good and I wish I had found it earlier.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MexiC6Vz58 - actually very good advice

so my best advice; be honest and be yourself. Try to work up the courage to talk to her, and be open about your feelings. If necessary send her a message when you know she is online, and then be prepared to talk soon afterwards.

Hope this helps,
~C & C

 

[DiaRubyTandem]

Can someone help me...

I met a girl in my school, so I chat with her (because I cant talk with her in personal because of some reasons). So we became friends, then she said if we can be only friends and I said yes. But deep inside I really liked her. Should I confess to her?

 

[Jb]

Best not too. I mean, you can't even talk to her in person and she made it pretty clear that she only wants to be friends

 

[varanus_komodoensis]

ok, it seems this will be the first 2015 prob....i kinda hope someone sees this
here goes
about 6 weeks ago i met this girl through a friend, at first we just had general conversation (side note: we've messaged each other everyday since we met), but more recently it's a mix of asking questions about each other and flirting a little (i try not to flirt, since sometimes i don't notice that i am), and i've started to develop feelings for her, it's like the more we talk, the more i crush on her, since she has a very open nature, i am very open when talking to her, so one time she asked if i had a crush on someone and what do i like about her, simply put she figured out that i have this crush on her a week ago, which would be ok if it wasn't for one little detail: she has a boyfriend (it's a 7 month long distance relationship, also i've mentioned that it's not in nature to even try to do anything that would jeopardize her current relationship), anyways, it doesn't really affect our conversations much apart from when she asks what i like about her (which causes me to make a paragraph of my honest opinion on her), we've skyped a few times, usually just casual talk but the later in the day it gets the more we blush, then last night, we were talking about stuff as usually on skype, then she suddenly gets really shy, and had cut herself off from saying something, me (being really curious) managed to persuade her to tell me what had gotten her so flustered, then she says that she has gotten a tiny crush on me (which made me both a bit happy but also cautious), today we just talked (trough skype) as usual (though she mentioned the crush a few times and (for the first time ever) she had complained a little bit about her bf), after the call, i got a little worried, a part of me thinks that if that tiny crush she says she has grows, it might actually cause her to doubt her current relationship, which would be bad (i've had girls leave me for another guy, i don't really want to be responsible for that happening to another guy), all this sums up to is, i don't know what i should do, i want to keep talking to her, but i don't to cause trouble. i need opinions and advice, what should i do?

(also feel free to ask for additional information if need be)

This is an emotional situation, and I feel for you. You seem like you're a really thoughtful and respectable guy, and I think you already know what the right thing is to do in this situation.

The right thing to do in this situation is don't jeopardize this girl's relationship. If her relationship wasn't meant to work out, then it won't work out and you'll get a chance with her when it's over. But you need to let her and her boyfriend work out their relationship themselves. If you really like her - or even if you fall in love with her - it might be hard to do and it might hurt emotionally, but not acting on your feelings is the best thing you can do for her. Everybody develops crushes every now and then. It's natural and normal. But sometimes, a crush is just a crush and nothing more, and if you allow her to act on her crush that she has for you, she might regret it and resent you for it later, and you could lose her as a friend.

The manliest, most courageous, and most respectful and loving thing you can do for her is to not act on your feelings, and do not let her act on her crush for you as long as she is still in a relationship. Do not lead her into cheating, even if she initiates it. It is okay for you to have a crush on her, and it is okay - and honest! - for you to tell her your feelings for her. But you shouldn't act on them because you don't want to confuse her, make her uncomfortable, or be disrespectful to her and her boyfriend. Once you start acting on your feelings for a taken person, you're treading on thin ice in terms of keeping that person as a friend, because they or their significant other might not be comfortable with it. As you said, you don't want to do to her boyfriend what other guys have done to you.

Basically what I'm saying is don't talk her into leaving her boyfriend unless it's an unhealthy relationship, don't act on your feelings in a physical manner while she's in a relationship, and have patience. This will eventually work itself out, and if you are patient and respectful towards her and her relationship, you won't lose her as a friend.

 

[Schade]

Can someone help me...

I met a girl in my school, so I chat with her (because I cant talk with her in personal because of some reasons). So we became friends, then she said if we can be only friends and I said yes. But deep inside I really liked her. Should I confess to her?

All though, it is good getting it out of your system, and it saves you for the "What if..." question that always pops up. Besides, what's the worst that can happen?

 

[General Nonsense]

So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?

 

[zapto369]

So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?

Definitely try to find someone else that wants to exercise more and work out with him or her. Having another person to help keep you motivated and accountable when you want to not work out is really important. I started going to the gym recently after a long time of being lazy, mainly because my cousins really helped me and wouldn't let me back out when I was tired. I'm really grateful for that and it helped a lot.

 

[Bulba the Great!]

So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?

This may not help at all, but I once went on a weight loss rampage and found this helpful: stay hydrated, always. Weight gain can actually be caused by dehydration, and also we usually overeat at meals when we're thirsty. Just a thought

 

[Blaziken.Babe]

So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?

I would say, drink 1 glass of water before each meal, and just try to drink lots of water in general, because water rinses your blood/body from all the toxins in it. Toxins are bad for you and will probably block the body from burning more fat. I also suggest you to chew 15 to 20 times before you swallow each part, cause chewing will slightly enlarge the size of the foodparts. And that will eventually make you eat less cause you will feel full.

 

[KantoPkmnMaster]

So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?

I lost 71 pounds (263--->192) last summer so i figured i might share my workout:
Last summer i started working out every other day, eventually moving on to working out everyday for 6 days, with a break on Sunday. The workout i did when i was working out 6 days a week were the following:
-30m cross-trainer running 1 incline, 1 resistence
-10m cross-trainer running reverse 1 incline, 1 resistence
-15-30 pull-ups in sets of 3's
-2 sets of lunges (15 per set)
- sets of pushups (started at 10, then did 10 more next day, etc. etc.)
- sets of crunches (started at 10, then did 10 more next day, etc. etc.)
- arm exercises (dumbbell curls, straight pullover, dumbell fly)
- leg exercises (mainly leg press)
- bench press (usually 50 reps at easy weight, 30 at medium weight, 20 at max weight)

Those are probably my main workout techniques i did. Though honestly i think losing weight is more of a nutrition based thing. My advice for that:

Nutrition:
-Cut out red meat. You can see some quick progress doing this. Poultry (mainly chicken and turkey) as well as Fish become your meat-based food choice.
-Eat more vegetables and fruits. I was more of a fruit person in all honesty. Sub out the fries you get with meals when you get take out with a side salad, soup or fruit.
-Water and Green Tea are great. In addition to water, i love the 0 calorie Arizona green tea that they make, in addition to the arnold palmer brand they have. Good alternatives to sugary sodas.

Basically that's all the advice i can give in regards to nutrition and working out, so i hope it helps. As for motivation, i can't really help you out, that's something you need to train yourself to do. From personal experience i know it can be hard at times, but if you really want to get in shape you'll take the necessary steps on your own to get there.

 

[Zazie]

So I have been trying to learn programming, partcularly web development. Been getting an IT certificate at school, just finished my first semester. It's summer time, so I got some free time.

What is the best way to get better over the summer?

I have been kind of all over the place, with learning a bunch of different languages in different programming paradigms and uses and playing with various web frameworks. My goal is to have some nice work for my portfolio and to try and keep up with full on computer science majors in my skill set?

How should I go about handling this?

 

[An00bis]

Well, do you have an online prescience/portfolio currently? That would be the place to start.

I'd recommend going ahead to secure a personal .com for yourself and build a Personal Landing Page; a simple (usually one page) website that will serve as a point-of-entry for anything else that you might have going on. Even if you currently have no projects to show this page can be about you personally. Who you are, what you do, and what you hope to accomplish if you're brought onto a project. Think of it as an Online Business Card.

The extra space can also be used as a sandbox for projects you might not be ready to take public yet.

Also if you haven't gotten on LinkedIn yet you should set that up as well. That'd be at least one place to link your Personal Landing Page to.

If you have absolutely nothing going on this summer you might also want to look into an Internship/Temporary Contract if you think your skills are up for it. I think a good thing to look into would be something like updating an already existing website or building a new skin/theme on top of an existing CMS. As good as self-study is for growing it's not quite like working on real world projects. That can help you grow at a much faster rate. I landed a series of paid internships that lead to my current full-time position. Most of my professional experience has been on the Front-End of development, but my understanding of both the Front and Back-end has helped the actual Developers quite a bit.

So, I discovered that I gained 10 pounds between spring break and now. I know I want to get back into exercising, but I am having an awful time motivating myself to do that, and I think I also eat more than I once did, which doesn't help much. Anyone have any suggestions?

I'd recommend the book Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think.

If you can't or don't feel like exercising try changing your eating habits instead. The book doesn't suggest radical changes to the diet, calorie/point counting, or completely restricting foods from the diet in an effort to lose weight -- all of which can make you feel miserable, deprived, and guilty if you " cheat ". Instead you're encouraged to eat what you want in smaller amounts by making reasonable changes. The crux of the advice being; eat full portions on a smaller plate, drink from a tall glass, keep treats in opaque containers, portion out your snacks before snacking, share larger portions with family/friends, plate up your meals, promptly put away leftovers, and do not eat in front of the TV or Computer.

Mind that this is a " low and slow " way of losing weight and projected to lead to a 10-20 pound loss over a 12 month period. You'll lose more if you actually combine it with exercise. So far I've loss 20 pounds/a dress size doing this and light walking (a little over 1 mile) five days a week. I've built the walking into my commute to work so I can't not do it. I've also walked a bit more on my lunch break now that the weather is nicer.

I found that the best way to exercise is to incorporate it into things you have to do anyway. Like commuting to work/school, doing errands, or cleaning the house. Instead of slowly/progressively cleaning a room over the week bust it into a high-energy 20-30 minute session. Take public transit to some errands and get off shortly before you need to so you'll have to walk the rest of the way. Take the stairs instead of an escalator whenever possible. Bring groceries in one bag at a time so you're forced to make multiple trips. Think of things you do daily/weekly and how you can make them slightly more difficult for the sake of your health.

 

[Zazie]

I had an internship in the past, but it was a mess and I am not sure if I want my name associated with what was produced.

You're totally right about the portfolio thing though, I don't have much for that yet. I really need to make a github account so I can host code snippets and a nice static personal page, and sign up for Heroku to get a little bit of hosting for sample projects I work on.

Mostly the stress part comes from the coding part and getting these newfangled MVC frameworks down. I am real comfortable with HTML/CSS but I get nervous when I have to apply my programming knowledge to a web page/app since I am used to doing command line programs.