The Official Advice Thread

[solemn heathcliff]

where can i find good non-download RPG games?

ehh my question is normal-ish but it seems i can't find any *shrugs shoulders*

 

[Poisoned Youth]

Er...hey. This is rather awkward, but here I go.

So I have severe SEVERE social anxiety. I'm too uncomfortable with people - even friends I've known forever (not that I have many). Dating seems generally out of the question. If someone flirts with me, I am either oblivious or don't know how to respond so I say nothing, then feel guilty about coming off as a jerk. I was homeschooled until high school and never really had any chance to socialize with peers.

Here's the problem I'm worried about: One of my mother's friends had a son a few months younger than me and were abusive to him, so he stayed with us from age two to twelve.

We were close, called each other "bro" and "sis" until middle school. After he turned twelve, he ended up moving in with an aunt, and we didn't get to see each other as much. We just Skyped a lot.

Anyway, now we go to the same high school and see each other a lot again, and we actually started dating two years ago because he is basically the only person my age I am comfortable with. It's been chaste but our families keep telling us how disgusting it is and claiming it is incestuous since we told them about it a couple months ago, despite us sharing no blood relation - and despite, as I said, it being entirely chaste (I am a staunch believer in waiting until marriage.)

We are both eighteen now and looking into colleges and are not sure what do with our families against us. I could use some advice.

 

[matthew11]

I'll try to come up with the best advice I can give, YP.

Hmm... The problem here lies within your family's mindset. TBH, it could happen to me as well if I were that parent. I've read a few cases like this on the net, and I think the only way to cope up with it is just by going with the flow for now and see through it. It's hard to change one's mindset after which he/she has spent a definite amount of time holding on to that idea. In your case, it would be your family accepting your mother's friend's son as their own child. Option 2 would be to change their thoughts about you two. But maybe, just maybe, they might have forgotten that he isn't actually your sibling. That's the least possible scenerio though. But I do think, in time, it would work out fine between you two and your families. My apologies for my vague advice. I do hope this brings you significant help.

And, lookie here! I'm just 2 days older than you!

And as I do give advice, I should probably share my own problem.

I'm currently in my second year in college. Surprisingly enough, I'm one of the Dean's Lister. It just never came to my mind that I could become one since I'm a completely lazy person. One term during my first year, one of my professors announced that our finals exam would be playing DOTA 2. Honestly, it wasn't really my taste of games at first, but when training day came, it grew on to me. It just felt like competing, killing enemy heroes and stuff, it feels really great. But one thing's for sure, I only play the game for fun. Of course there's family, having to despise the game itself because it corrupted my brother's mind, leading him to use the game as a gambling object.

I told my brother to teach me how to play it before training day came, oblivious to the fact that my sister and mother is in the same room. Having heard of the coversation, it lead my mother to scold my brother for teaching me how to play it, despite the fact that it is a requirement to pass the finals. So, after about 2 months and a half, I came back to play the game without my family's knowledge, except for my brother who I play the game with. Where is the problem at hand here? I've been lying to my family for the past 6 months that I've been doing projects outside town, but actually I was playing with my friends and my brother. However, the game did not affect my grades, at all, and I'm still surprised by that fact. And now, I'm feeling guilty about my lying habit. And I just can't simply tell them about it since they held a huge hatred on that game. It's always been one-sided when it comes to arguing with one of my family members. I just stand down because I don't wanna make arguments longer than it already is, despite that I was always the right one and I can actually shut them up with it. This is the reason why I'm so freaking nice to them it can simply break my sanity.

Of course there's karma. I'm still being skeptical about it not arriving to take my soul away. So, any advices are always welcome.

 

[Zazie]

Okay, the actual problem with incest has little to do with blood relation*, but instead more of the situation of power imbalances, and prxoimity and such. He hasn't really been a family member until age 12 so it is a little iffy on being close to incest. But you also mention not being comfortable around anyone else, which kind of goes back to the issues with the whole dating family members to begin with because that might have something to do with it, if the only person you are comfortaqble with is like family to you, it may be an issue. It's probably not a good idea and could lead to some problems down the line. But I am not the boss of you by any means.

*outside genetic defects from reproduction

 

[HM02gon]

So this is really stupid, and you don't need to tell me, but my little brother has this alarm clock that plays literally the creepiest thing ever to wake said person up. It sounds like something from a music box being played by an evil clown as he comes up to your bedside to kill you in the middle of the night. And the worst problem is that he never turns it off, he just leaves it on sleep mode. And then I have to go in and turn it off. And his bedroom is always dark. And it's in the corner of his room. And So I'm singing my happy song as loud as I can, but not too loud to wake up my sister who is probably still sleeping in the next room. And I keep getting nightmares about this creepy as f*** song and I can always hear it now. It's haunting me. What should I do?

 

[Xeno the Doomguy]

What should I do if my right hand keeps getting this paralysis feel everytime I grab something? But it's mainly video game controllers that makes my right hand get thay paralyze feel! What should I do?

 

[Navin]

So this is really stupid, and you don't need to tell me, but my little brother has this alarm clock that plays literally the creepiest thing ever to wake said person up. It sounds like something from a music box being played by an evil clown as he comes up to your bedside to kill you in the middle of the night. And the worst problem is that he never turns it off, he just leaves it on sleep mode. And then I have to go in and turn it off. And his bedroom is always dark. And it's in the corner of his room. And So I'm singing my happy song as loud as I can, but not too loud to wake up my sister who is probably still sleeping in the next room. And I keep getting nightmares about this creepy as f*** song and I can always hear it now. It's haunting me. What should I do?

Tell your brother to change his alarm. Or, tell your parents it's creepy and have them make him change it.

 

[Canto]

What should I do if my right hand keeps getting this paralysis feel everytime I grab something? But it's mainly video game controllers that makes my right hand get thay paralyze feel! What should I do?

Do you play video games for long stretches of time? This happens to me sometimes, normally after I've played video games for too long. When I go to do something like turn a doorknob, my hand locks up and it take a minute to open it again. I've been told that it may be a symptom of carpal tunnel syndrome, but I don't think it's something to worry too much about. If you are worried however, it wouldn't hurt to ask a doctor.

 

[Dr. Classy]

I got a girl I've been really close friends with for a couple years now. The problem is i'm starting to develop feelings for her. There is absolutely no way she has these feelings back towards me (she thinks of me as a brother…) and there's zero chance of anything progressing further than friends. The thing is, I want to just be friends, I don't want to have feelings for her, but my feelings say otherwise. How can I get over this stupid crush ASAP? Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Navin]

I got a girl I've been really close friends with for a couple years now. The problem is i'm starting to develop feelings for her. There is absolutely no way she has these feelings back towards me (she thinks of me as a brother…) and there's zero chance of anything progressing further than friends. The thing is, I want to just be friends, I don't want to have feelings for her, but my feelings say otherwise. How can I get over this stupid crush ASAP? Any advice is appreciated.

Speaking from personal experience, I would just tell her how you feel. She might start seeing you in a different light, but there's also the risk your relationship could change for the worse.

But unless you develop feelings for someone else, the other option is you'll just have to get over her. However, that might take some time and carrying on as a good friend to her at the same time might leave you feeling miserable, so you should place some distance for a while.

 

[Crash & Charm]

I got a girl I've been really close friends with for a couple years now. The problem is i'm starting to develop feelings for her. There is absolutely no way she has these feelings back towards me (she thinks of me as a brother…) and there's zero chance of anything progressing further than friends. The thing is, I want to just be friends, I don't want to have feelings for her, but my feelings say otherwise. How can I get over this stupid crush ASAP? Any advice is appreciated.

mhm, that sucks

try staying busy and exercising. You will sleep well, and it might help get your mind off of things. I was in a similar situation and that's what helped me.

I agree with Maldread as well, placing some distance would not be a bad idea.

 

[TheGOAT]

Guys I need some advice... Or just a place to vent.


Okay so here's the situation,

I'm about to start college, and I've been looking for a job, I've had some money out away in the bank for when I'm in college as well, well today I was leaving my work and accidentally backed into somebody, well it wasn't too bad and we decided I would just pay out of pocket after we learned how much it would be, well after work, I went home and packed some clothes cause I'm going to stay with my grandpa, and my grandma said I only had about $50 in the bank. Well I knew that shouldn't be right, so I looked and Saw purchases I know I didn't make, and so I guess someone has had my card number because I have my debit card. Then on the way to my grandpa's, well he was drunk and kept calling me saying not to bring any girls over here, (the only girl I've brought was my girlfriend, multiple times and he's known about it and has been here.) well my little brother lives here and to get out of trouble one time he told my grandpa we had sex in the bedrooms when he wasn't here (we've never had sex and hasn't been alone together in his house), and so he said not to bring any girls over, I told my gf that and now she's freaking out that we're not going to see each other, so she keeps calling me and crying because she's afraid we won't see each other for awhile, and I've talked to her and would calm her down, and she would ask me a question and I'd give an answer that wasn't what she wanted so she would cry again, which just starts to stress me out more. Then at my work, my friend (more now ex-friend) has started to act all big and bad because our boss leaves her in charge when he is away for the day, and we get in fights, which adds more stress, my boss used to be a really cool guy, now this year he's gotten into a pissy mood all the time, and with all that, my grandparents (I live with my other set of grandparents) have been on my a** about every little thing, now matter how pointless. Like when I come home maybe an hour late from working late, they throw it out of proportion and go so far to take my cellphone and vehicle away except for work.

Sorry for taking y'all's time. I just really needed to get everything off my chest

 

[grey wing]

Guys I need some advice... Or just a place to vent.


Okay so here's the situation,

I'm about to start college, and I've been looking for a job, I've had some money out away in the bank for when I'm in college as well, well today I was leaving my work and accidentally backed into somebody, well it wasn't too bad and we decided I would just pay out of pocket after we learned how much it would be, well after work, I went home and packed some clothes cause I'm going to stay with my grandpa, and my grandma said I only had about $50 in the bank. Well I knew that shouldn't be right, so I looked and Saw purchases I know I didn't make, and so I guess someone has had my card number because I have my debit card. Then on the way to my grandpa's, well he was drunk and kept calling me saying not to bring any girls over here, (the only girl I've brought was my girlfriend, multiple times and he's known about it and has been here.) well my little brother lives here and to get out of trouble one time he told my grandpa we had sex in the bedrooms when he wasn't here (we've never had sex and hasn't been alone together in his house), and so he said not to bring any girls over, I told my gf that and now she's freaking out that we're not going to see each other, so she keeps calling me and crying because she's afraid we won't see each other for awhile, and I've talked to her and would calm her down, and she would ask me a question and I'd give an answer that wasn't what she wanted so she would cry again, which just starts to stress me out more. Then at my work, my friend (more now ex-friend) has started to act all big and bad because our boss leaves her in charge when he is away for the day, and we get in fights, which adds more stress, my boss used to be a really cool guy, now this year he's gotten into a pissy mood all the time, and with all that, my grandparents (I live with my other set of grandparents) have been on my a** about every little thing, now matter how pointless. Like when I come home maybe an hour late from working late, they throw it out of proportion and go so far to take my cellphone and vehicle away except for work.

Sorry for taking y'all's time. I just really needed to get everything off my chest

First and foremost, you need to call your bank and get that straightened out.

About your girlfriend and grandfather- the way I see it, you can either tell your grandfather the truth (but potentially upset your brother) and see if he will let you have your girlfriend over, or you can meet up with her somewhere outside the house.

On a side note, I can tell you from personal experience as a college grad, that it is completely normal to drift apart from friends and significant others from high school as that period of your life draws to a close and another is beginning. Many people even breakup with their h.s. boyfriends and girlfriends when they start college simply because they want to be unburdened/ not have that stress as they enter a often-times stressful transition period in their life. Not saying that is what you should do, just wanted to offer some perspective.

Hope I could help.

 

[Feline]

Okay I have a problem. When I was younger all the way up to now, I always cried and feared doing homework and studying. Whenever I think about it, I either procrastinate, or cry (now that I'm older, I cry on the inside). I just can't seem to get the nerve to study. I'd look at something I have to study for two seconds then put it away. It's a homework phobia damn it. So how do I get over this fear I have...all my life.

 

[Lexya428]

Okay I have a problem. When I was younger all the way up to now, I always cried and feared doing homework and studying. Whenever I think about it, I either procrastinate, or cry (now that I'm older, I cry on the inside). I just can't seem to get the nerve to study. I'd look at something I have to study for two seconds then put it away. It's a homework phobia damn it. So how do I get over this fear I have...all my life.

Remember that it's not something you have to do. It's something to try and further better yourself. Stressing out about studying and homework just makes it harder. Try studying or doing homework with a friend. Maybe you could try getting a tutor. I have a hard time with tests, because I look at the page and go blank. However, as soon as the test goes away my memory proceeds. Maybe you are too stressed out by it and you need to understand that once you make it through school. It's real life. Real life is a lot harder than school. The more you try your best to better yourself, the easier it will be to cope with situations that arise when you become an adult. Now, saying all of that you could always look into talking to a psychiatrist or a school counselor. If it's something you have had all of your life, taking advice from me or others on the Internet may not be what you need. Schools fun, so is homework and testing, and studying. A lot more fun than other things you could be doing. Just remember you're lucky enough to get the opportunity to learn the things you do.
I hope I was some kind of help.
- ;133;

 

[Zero Nexus]

My life's in a... strange place at the moment.

I graduated from university in July and since then I've just been doing... pretty much nothing. I love acting/performing so I've been involved with a couple of shows recently but I've put pretty much no effort into getting a job or looking for work. I WANT a job, cause the bank of mum and dad is pretty dry. I know how difficult it can be to find work sometimes but I don't want to just get a job with horrible hours and terrible pay just so I can say "I'm doing something."

Here's the thing, I'm an awkward b*stard with stuff like this. If I'm getting a job, I don't expect it to be perfect, but I want something that I'm not going to hate. I don't want something that will keep me rushed off my feet, I want something I can just get on with at my own pace. I want something that's not going to take over my life. Why should I take something that makes me stressed/unhappy just so I have a bit of money in the bank? I don't live by myself, I live at home with my family for the time being, so it's not like I need to pay rent just yet.

Ideally, I want something that's not a crazy amount of hours (20-30 hours a week would be managable) that I can just turn up to work and get on with, do what I have to do, then leave. My dream to job is to work in a theatre or as part of a theatre company, or as part of a media production company or as a video editor, or anything in that sort of field. However, I know I won't find jobs like that in the local paper, it's all about knowing the right people. I understand that, and I don't expect it to happen overnight. However, I feel confident that I know a lot of people from university who want to do something like that and/or are planning to, so if any opportunities come up in the future I'd be sure to take them. Till then though, I need something to put money in my pocket.

Here's the other thing - I have ZERO motivation to work. I don't fancy spending loads of hours in a place I don't care for dealing with people I don't care for. Ever since I've finished university, whenever I've not been out with my friends I've just been sat around the house doing my own thing, and I'm sick of it.

It's a vicious circle; I'm skint, and I complain that I'm skint, but I can't be bothered doing anything about it.

I love my free time and I don't want to spend it all in some random workplace just for the sake of it, but I know I need to work to earn money, but looking for a job is so soul-destroying that I don't want to do it.

See my problem? I feel trapped in a wasted time zone in which the only ways out involve going completely out of my comfort zone.

Can anybody advise me on how/what to do?

 

[Jb]

I advise you apply at MCdonalds and stop leaching off your parent. I still leave at home but had to pay rent right out of college. Even during high school I gave a portion to the household. If you think you can live can anywhere for free you're going to have a bad time. Unless you're rich, working is never done for the sake of it.

To be blunt, grow up. There are tons of people working jobs they (me included) but they realized that sitting around waiting that perfect job isn't something that happens on the for try. Especially since every employer wants something with job experience.

 

[Zero Nexus]

I advise you apply at MCdonalds and stop leaching off your parent. I still leave at home but had to pay rent right out of college. Even during high school I gave a portion to the household. If you think you can live can anywhere for free you're going to have a bad time. Unless you're rich, working is never done for the sake of it.

To be blunt, grow up. There are tons of people working jobs they (me included) but they realized that sitting around waiting that perfect job isn't something that happens on the for try. Especially since every employer wants something with job experience.

There was literally nothing in this post I didn't already know, and you make it sound easy. It isn't.

Maybe I should have elaborated a bit more. Here's the thing - I can't just work any job because I have really bad anxiety and if I'm working somewhere that makes me unhappy, not only could I have a mental breakdown very easily but I won't do said job very well. Mcdonalds? You mean where I'd constantly be busy and have to deal with fat women with loads of nagging kids, rude people who have no patience and drunk people at 2 in the morning? No thanks.

As I said, I need a job where I can just get on with it and doesn't involve much dealing with people. I wouldn't mind working in, say, an office or in a stockroom.

I don't expect to just find the perfect job, but seriously - you need to understand that I'm not just someone who can do just any job. Mentally, I'm not like that. I need something that's fairly relaxed.

Anybody else got any actual good advice for me?

 

[Archangel Azazel]

There was literally nothing in this post I didn't already know, and you make it sound easy. It isn't.

Maybe I should have elaborated a bit more. Here's the thing - I can't just work any job because I have really bad anxiety and if I'm working somewhere that makes me unhappy, not only could I have a mental breakdown very easily but I won't do said job very well. Mcdonalds? You mean where I'd constantly be busy and have to deal with fat women with loads of nagging kids, rude people who have no patience and drunk people at 2 in the morning? No thanks.

As I said, I need a job where I can just get on with it and doesn't involve much dealing with people. I wouldn't mind working in, say, an office or in a stockroom.

I don't expect to just find the perfect job, but seriously - you need to understand that I'm not just someone who can do just any job. Mentally, I'm not like that. I need something that's fairly relaxed.

Anybody else got any actual good advice for me?

Okay, I'll try. Never given advice on this kind of topic, but mostly because I used to be like you a little bit. Actually worked McDonalds and its not as bad as you imagine. Not all people are fat and rude, you'll see you'll have nice, fat people too. or skinny/athletic.

I see its not easy as well, mostly because I get high anxiety when I need to make a phone call or need to answer a call, does not matter if its mother/father, someone I know, or stranger.

Anyways besides that, you are JUST like my brother. He is/was trying to get a job, but his anxiety makes him get super ****ing picky on what he can and cannot do. He actually managed to get into a call center as a Customer Representative. Crappy job to most because phones and "rude" customers, but almost every job has them and you WILL meet rude people.

Anyways, he thought he was gonna get screwed over by his anxiety, but he actually enjoyed working and being there for a while. He just stopped letting anxiety get in the way; as in learning to find ways to cope with anxiety. Hours were flexible as well.

Apply to anything you can get your hands on, the more you do it it might help with getting your anxiety out of the way. It might become a routine of sorts and push a thought away of worrying about it.

Most important thing here is that any job will do just to not have gaps of unemployment. From there, after a while, you can start being picky on what you want to do.
Yeah its not easy to just get a job since you have to have a network of acquaintances and friends to pull strings for you nowadays, but there is always a way besides that.

Go to local tiny shops in your area, what are those called... pop and mom shops??, Call centers if you have to, Kitchen, Housekeeper, Hotel Desk, Warehouses, Stores where they might need stocking like, as big as a Target store or tiny as a... small store. Look online for a job here and there.
Also volunteering for places might help in a few ways like networking/pulling the strings, and high chance of easing you in on jobs without your anxiety getting in the way.

Sorry if its not what you were looking for, but, once again, you sound like my brother: Job hunting and the anxiety part.

 

[Zero Nexus]

Okay, I'll try. Never given advice on this kind of topic, but mostly because I used to be like you a little bit. Actually worked McDonalds and its not as bad as you imagine. Not all people are fat and rude, you'll see you'll have nice, fat people too. or skinny/athletic.

I see its not easy as well, mostly because I get high anxiety when I need to make a phone call or need to answer a call, does not matter if its mother/father, someone I know, or stranger.

Anyways besides that, you are JUST like my brother. He is/was trying to get a job, but his anxiety makes him get super ****ing picky on what he can and cannot do. He actually managed to get into a call center as a Customer Representative. Crappy job to most because phones and "rude" customers, but almost every job has them and you WILL meet rude people.

Anyways, he thought he was gonna get screwed over by his anxiety, but he actually enjoyed working and being there for a while. He just stopped letting anxiety get in the way; as in learning to find ways to cope with anxiety. Hours were flexible as well.

Apply to anything you can get your hands on, the more you do it it might help with getting your anxiety out of the way. It might become a routine of sorts and push a thought away of worrying about it.

Most important thing here is that any job will do just to not have gaps of unemployment. From there, after a while, you can start being picky on what you want to do.
Yeah its not easy to just get a job since you have to have a network of acquaintances and friends to pull strings for you nowadays, but there is always a way besides that.

Go to local tiny shops in your area, what are those called... pop and mom shops??, Call centers if you have to, Kitchen, Housekeeper, Hotel Desk, Warehouses, Stores where they might need stocking like, as big as a Target store or tiny as a... small store. Look online for a job here and there.
Also volunteering for places might help in a few ways like networking/pulling the strings, and high chance of easing you in on jobs without your anxiety getting in the way.

Sorry if its not what you were looking for, but, once again, you sound like my brother: Job hunting and the anxiety part.

Thankyou, that was more helpful.

I know I'll meet rude people wherever I work, I would just rather work somewhere that's less about dealing with customers as to minimize the chances.

That being said, I know I have to start somewhere. I'll try and be more open-minded about the anxiety thing, cause I know there's probably places I would hate to work until I try it and end up liking it.

I'll ask around as much as I can and hopefully I'll find something I like soon, I know this is something I need to be patient with. Thanks!