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The Origin of Storms

DreamSayer

Name's Adam.
I saw that Worldslayers was apparently a sequel to this story, so I decided to start from where it all began to avoid any confusion from arising.

The chapter opens up with an interesting dream sequence, albeit that's a bit cliché, but I digress. It hinted at a traumatic experience. The mention of an extinction event also piques curiosity. Humans were all wiped out from the globe? That's surprising to say the least.

I can't help but wonder how that happened. Nuclear Fallout? Viral outbreak? Or something far more supernatural and beyond anyone's control? I'll have to find that out as I read more of the story.
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
DreamSayer: Hi!

Yep, that's right: humans have been more or less eradicated. I think that was one of the first what-ifs to pop into my mind when I started doing pokéfic, and I just kind of ran with it, unfortunately for actual billions of fictional characters. :B

That's the out-of-universe explanation, anyway. As for when the in-universe explanation will come your way... that answer belongs to time. For now.

Thanks for the read and reply; it was a very nice surprise! :D
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Alright. It is finally time. As amusing as it would be for my to bumble through Worldslayers with only a cursory knowledge of the cast, when I saw how short this fic was, I figured, “why not.” :D

And my first realization is that I have been misspelling Esaax as “Essax” since, like… forever. And not accidentally— very much intentionally! I was 100% certain that was how it was spelled! In fact, I’m still half-convinced that that’s how I first saw it, and that it clearly must have changed at some point. >8[ (This is like the Berenstain nonsense all over again I swear.)

He recoiled from the sudden, stark vacuum where her lifeforce had been. Part of his own went with it, and the torn edges burned white-hot with pain. Disarray exploded in his mind—his cumbersome nervous system hadn’t unsynched in time, and now he couldn’t tell for certain whether he was living or dead, whether he was himself or the lifeless figure lying before him. Overwhelmed, he staggered backward until something caught under one of his pods and nearly tripped him.
I really like the feeling of disorientation you convey regarding what it feels like to have someone die while psychically linked with them.

From faraway Hoenn, a nomadic branch of a clan called the Fade somehow journeyed across the sea and into Evergray territory. The foreigners were readily welcomed and allowed to stay as honorary members of the community while in the area.
See, the idea of migratory Wobbuffet has literally never occurred to me. This is the best part about your fics—introducing all these strange and novel ideas about how wild Pokémon live. ^^

A snorunt driving a car. No, nothing funny about that image… With a faint snicker, Esaax turned away from the topic of Jen and back to his gluttony.
I’m sorry, but no. The idea of a tiny ice cone driving a car is absolutely hilarious.

Also it’s no doubt convenient for you that when Gen 4 rolled around, Froslass turned out to be exclusive to female Snorunt, otherwise it might have seemed odd that Jen had to resist the Glalie evolution for so long when there was another perfectly good alternative available. (At least, it sure seems like a Dire Thorn is much rarer and harder to come by than a Dawn Stone!)

“Four days,” Esaax answered abruptly, harshly. “Four days. That’s all. Four days, and then she just burst into flames. And then she was gone, Syr, like some evil magic hit her. For no reason!”
Blame Negrek for giving us the phrase “spontaneous baby combustion” and making me giggle inappropriately to this. :V

“Well, first of all,” Esaax tended first to the unspoken question he suspected that Syr was harboring, “they’re able to do that by just deciding to do that. Change sexes, I mean. How they’re able to, I don’t know at all, but they are. Anyway, the reason Faurur did was because the koffing had chosen her to be their new colony leader, but the thing is, they have this law that the colony leader always has to be female. She told me that was why she made the change.”
Okay that’s just a neat detail.

“Well, you could,” DeLeo said, “but you’ve already missed a good chunk of it. If you come with me we can take it from the top. Not only that, but your concerns—what you need—could be addressed more directly this way. Seeing as how you’re a first-timer here, I think you’d definitely benefit more from that than from walking in on a meeting that’s not only half-over but is also really geared more toward helping people out with more generalized problems.”
Why do I feel like he just walked into a cult. :T

She suffered all the while as she ran, trying but failing to bite back cries of pain and clutching her head in her hands—in all four of them.
Yepppp, as I suspected, her “change in senses” was actually a roundabout way of saying that she’s evolved. Which means that Gengar totally just evolved Esaax. Wtf rude. (Please enjoy that absurdly understated reaction to such a serious breach of consent.)

Even worse is the fact that Esaax has never evolved, since he hatched as a Wobbuffet instead of a Wynaut. (But the fact that Ntairow’s son is a Wynaut implies that incense Pokémon can be born in the wild, it just probably requires very specific circumstances. I’ll be interested to see if this gets addressed later!)

Major props on that downright visceral description of Esaax’s evolution btw. Felt like something straight out of Animorphs.

The weak light that had surrounded him finally gave out altogether, and the moment it did, the gengar who’d entered the room earlier appeared once more, rising up through the floor on the opposite side of the bed from Esaax. No sooner had she fully emerged than she seemed to melt back into the floor, her body losing definition as it rapidly dwindled, but she stopped shrinking once she was in her true form: that of a ditto by the name of Anomaly.
Oh duh. Of course it wasn’t a Gengar. The form of a ghost is just useful for slipping into places you’re not supposed to be. :T

“Just keep your skin on, purple man!” the mr. mime snapped.
…I swear there’s a FNAF joke in here somewhere.

Syr stared horrorstruck at the damage for a moment, terrified that he might have just killed one of his best friends. Then a groan issued from the nosepass. Karo rocked back and forth on his short legs a couple of times, then tilted backward and held that position, gazing up unsteadily at Syr.
After what happened in Bad Idea, I have a hard time believing that Karo was remotely fazed by this. :p

“No,” Esaax croaked. Madeline wilted in mock embarrassment. “I wasn’t asleep,” the kwazai added.
His species hadn’t been revealed yet by this point, so it feels weird having it inserted into the narration prematurely.

She continued to watch Esaax through the window, and he gazed right back at her almost… longingly… Madeline felt her mouth go dry. Could it be… does he really…? she wondered. “You… you really do understand the way I feel about you, don’t you?” she asked, her pulse quickening.
8[ *Glances back at the title of chapter 10.* I HAVE SEVERAL CONCERNS.

Esaax moved even closer and lowered his head, his face just inches from Madeline’s. His lips drew back, baring his jagged teeth. He began caressing her face with his muzzle, drawing short, panting breaths, taking in her scent.
you can’t make me scroll down you can’t make me scroll down

Syr had never watched Karo eat before. After finally doing so, the arbok decided he’d never watch it again if he could help it.
I like how we don’t get a description. :p

Syr watched as Alain’s trainer recalled her pokémon into the nest ball and then rushed into the arena to the aid of the suffering blue pokémon—the very same pokémon who’d just denied her a victory. Syr could just make out the expression of wonder forming on Ren’s face, and a realization hit him. “You mean that’s her?”
Syr knows who she is? The

That battle was pretty awesome. :D Alain had some decent strategy going on with the Disable and paralysis attempts, but unfortunately there’s not much you can do when facing down something with that kind of defensive prowess. With physical attacks, no less. :p

He knew what he’d do if anything did show up. Thoughts of it—desires*of it—were taking over his mind.
I’ve noticed a few stray asterisks scattered throughout the previous chapters. Placeholders for something else?

He began charging up his nose with an ominous hum.
“Charging up his nose.” x’D I imagine it’s got to be worth it to write Nosepass just to be able to use phrases like that. I take back everything bad I ever said about Nosepass when I was 13.

“Why, hello there! I’m Mark,” he said. “This is Tom—” He pointed at the smeargle to his right. “—and this is Travis.” He pointed at the one to his left. “And this,” Mark said, spreading his arms wide to indicate the space surrounding him, “is our territory. Thanks for the visit. Now get out!”
Omg we actually get to meet the Smeargle gang and I immediately love them. Hopefully they’re not about to become sliced deli meat. Esaax just said he wasn’t hungry! D:

And omg Smeargle fight… infinite move potential. This is gonna be glorious.

At least it would if he hadn’t just skewered one of them geez. At the very least, you’re reassuring me that one of my upcoming chapters isn’t as excessively brutal as I thought it was. xD;

“Dark and psychic. That’s a completely one-sided matchup right there. One is devastatingly dominant; the other, totally helpless. Now, maybe somewhere out there in the wide world of nature and supernature, that works just fine. But not here. Not in you.
“Maybe somewhere out there”... I knew it. James’s Inkay is gonna help him get through this. It all makes sense!!! 8D (Waiting to read this until post-Gen-6 was worth it just for that one joke.)

After a moment’s hesitation, Esaax did as he was advised, but his present illness made it hard for him to focus well enough to recall his memories clearly. As he managed to remember some of the most recent things he’d done, he was sickened even further, swallowing hard as his stomach gave a threatening lurch.
Please do not vomit, Esaax. I think the sight of your stomach’s current contents would traumatize you even further than you already are.

“Yeah, but then I blasted him with one of these—” Mark raised his hand and shot a reflux into the sky, at which Ntairow nearly dropped him. “—and down he went.”
Omg Mark sketched Reflux, that’s brilliant, I never would have guessed.

“Anyway, according to the legend, this kwazai refused to let the king be taken from him, and so he called on his ‘ultimate inner power’—and actually raised Asotura from the dead.
This story feels a lot less random after having read Ntairow’s explanation of Healers. Although it does make it sound like it’s something that only a select few of the Wobbuffet line are capable. Does DeLeo know that, or did he just get lucky that Esaax happens to be one of them?

As the three of them entered the building, Karo turned back briefly to look at the hole that he and his nose had just created. “Wow, that’s even bigger than the last one,” he remarked. “Awesome.”
Aaaaaaand the award for “world’s largest nose hole” goes too--

He was looking at roughly half of a nosepass.
...Oh. That explains what that last move was, then.

“He said it’s a very slow process, though. Regenerating, I mean,” Syr said, then sighed. “He needs to go to the Haven. They can speed up his repairs with their revives and potions. Otherwise… God, from the look of him, he probably won’t see the next hundred years. At least.”
I am now wondering how long it took him to recover from that bad idea of his. If he’s over 6000 years old… what percentage of that was he even conscious? xD

Syr felt a tug on the end of his tail, a signal from Ntairow that he needed to get moving. He was anything but enthusiastic about spending more time in the company of that many glalie, but the notion of offending them further by disobeying them scared him even more.
I’m surprised I hadn’t commented on this yet, but I find it odd that Syr has such an aversion to Glalie. Did he have some kind of past trauma with one? (I can totally understand Jen’s aversion, but Syr’s strikes me as more unusual.)

“Because someone here desperately needs help,” Ntairow said. “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but there’s a pokémon here who’s been forced to evolve. He’s elementally unstable—he needs a psychic-type of his own kind to serve as a vessel for his excess darkness. Please… you’ve got to give me a chance to try and balance him out. He won’t survive otherwise.”
Alright, let me see if I have this straight. Kwazai are supposed to be dark-type, right? (Given what we saw of Acheron.) But because of Esaax's forced evolution, his energy is imbalanced. And… Ntairow can absorb it? Is she not a dark type (but… capable of safely holding dark energy?)

And regarding his forced evolution… there was that injection from DeLeo… but also the evo stone from Adn? Which one actually did it? (Also there was that bit where Adn went all stabby stabby on him, and I feel like that must be important somehow.) Actually, I am left with the same question I had at the end of Communication: what was Adn’s deal???

But anyways, final thoughts! Absolutely the standout for me is the characters. Esaax and Syr are fantastically developed throughout the course of the story, especially with regards to all the loss that they’ve endured, and the way that they deal with that loss. And even the side characters like Jen and Karo all had tons of fun little moments to liven things up (Karo especially, I did not expect to love him so much.) xD

Like all your stories, I love the focus on Pokémon culture and the details behind the way the world works. The entire concept of autoempathic shock was a brilliant way to tie in Wobbuffet’s Pokedex entries with its in-battle behaviors. And everything about Haven’s setup was particularly fascinating--making use of psychic powers for mental health treatment is just ingenious, and a great way to take an establishment that exists in our world and put a unique Pokémon spin on it.

I do admit, like Communication it occasionally felt like the fic couldn’t quite decide what it wanted to be about. Not half as severely, mind you (but that’s to be expected, given that this one came first). But we start out with the ominous warning from Faurur, then move on to Esaax trying to recover from her death, getting royally effed up, then the plot centers around his evolution for awhile as the earlier plot threads are forgotten. DeLeo gets a heck of a lot more buildup than he did in Communication, but then very little follow through, as his motives don’t even get mentioned, despite them being pretty important to Esaax’s forced evolution. And Adn gets no explanation at all! o__o

That said, I’m sure this goes without saying, but the emotional impact of the Kwazai plot is a thousandfold here compared to Communication, where it was a sort of awkward last-minute sideplot that the reader couldn’t totally get invested in. In fact, I think the setup, development, and resolution of Esaax’s healing ability subplot was probably the most polished aspect of the entire fic. And in general, where this fic shines is that its shorter, more focused duration allows it to pick a few aspects of the story and really dig deep into the emotions and the trauma and the fallout. I’m just glad I didn’t read this back in 2004, because I think the wait to find out what the heck was up with those abandoned plot threads would have killed me. :p

Looking forward to finally getting some of those much-needed answers in Worldslayers! ;)

~Chibi~;249;;448;
 
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Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Chibi Pika: Hi there!

And my first realization is that I have been misspelling Esaax as “Essax” since, like… forever. And not accidentally— very much intentionally! I was 100% certain that was how it was spelled! In fact, I’m still half-convinced that that’s how I first saw it, and that it clearly must have changed at some point. >8[ (This is like the Berenstain nonsense all over again I swear.)

Mirror universe wherein I spelled that with a double S instead of a double A (and probably also let the poor bastard live): confirmed.

Fwiw, the double-S spelling might technically be a better/more intuitive fit for the pronunciation since that is literally just a short A sound (one of my cousins once referred to him as Ex-Lax XD; ). I can't actually remember if there was a specific reason I went with double-A in the end. If there was it was probably something like "let's weaken that sibilant there". Ess-ax rather than Ess-sax. Idk.

It occurs to me I've never done a pronunciation guide for these heckers. Future to-do, perhaps?

I really like the feeling of disorientation you convey regarding what it feels like to have someone die while psychically linked with them.

YEAH LIKE... I imagined that had to be an incredibly freaky thing to experience, put mildly. Probably weirder than I portrayed it, actually, given that this is a wobbuffet we're talking about here, but there it is.

See, the idea of migratory Wobbuffet has literally never occurred to me. This is the best part about your fics—introducing all these strange and novel ideas about how wild Pokémon live. ^^

Well, a lot of 'em probably do have populations that are 1.) decently big and 2.) scattered. So I figure that yeah, there's going to be at least some degree of variation in the customs of many if not most given species. Especially since most "wild" pokémon probably don't have internet access, thus greatly limiting their awareness of how people far away ("far away" being relative, of course) do things compared to what we have access to.

I think the reason I brought in migratory wobbuffet was just because it made a nice, stark contrast to how the Evergray tend to live their lives; most of the latter never set foot outside their cave. Quite a few of them never see a single ray of sunshine. And then along come these people who decidedly do NOT stay put and who give rather fewer fricks about traveling in daylight if they have to, and so when they leave and one of the Evergray tries to follow, yeah.

(At least, it sure seems like a Dire Thorn is much rarer and harder to come by than a Dawn Stone!)

That it is! I imagine they pop up in like... maybe two different regions. Out of frick knows how many there are in the world.

Blame Negrek for giving us the phrase “spontaneous baby combustion” and making me giggle inappropriately to this. :V

It's all right; I laugh too. We're all going to hell together. 8D

But the fact that Ntairow’s son is a Wynaut implies that incense Pokémon can be born in the wild, it just probably requires very specific circumstances. I’ll be interested to see if this gets addressed later!

Indeed they can! And to my knowledge I don't go into detail about it until... ever, come to think of it.

So then! About the Fade: they're a breakaway from the Mirage Island clan. Mirage Island, of course, was swarming with wynaut, so I figured there had to be SOMETHING in the mix there that was allowing these guys to be born unevolved; I just don't think I ever really settled on exactly what. Something genetic, I supposed at first--maybe it causes them to naturally produce a hormone that most wobbuffet no longer do on their own, and that delays evolution for the babbies? But then again, if you catch a wynaut off Mirage Island and breed that without incense, what do you get? Not a wynaut, that's what. Soooooo... hmm. Maybe there's something in the air outside of Mirage Island that suppresses the production of said hormone in all wobbuffet, and lax incense stimulates production in spite of it somehow. And maybe the Fade don't need incense at all on account of some mutation resulting from generations of sun exposure due to their nomadic lifestyle. We just don't know.

Major props on that downright visceral description of Esaax’s evolution btw. Felt like something straight out of Animorphs.

:D :D :D

Honestly Animorphs is probably an even bigger influence on me (or at least on my sci-fi/horror) than I'm aware of, and that's probably saying something. I loved that ****. I still do. :D

…I swear there’s a FNAF joke in here somewhere.

Tbh Madeline probably would've been better off crushed in an animatronic bunny suit as opposed to what happened to her instead. :B

After what happened in Bad Idea, I have a hard time believing that Karo was remotely fazed by this. :p

Yeah he gave very few ****s. :B

His species hadn’t been revealed yet by this point, so it feels weird having it inserted into the narration prematurely.

Looks like a relic from a previous version that managed to survive past its time. Will fix once this is posted. :D

Will also deal with the rogue asterisks. I honestly have no idea how those got there. XD;

Syr knows who she is?

Yep! He and Karo discussed the humans in their lives from time to time prior to the events of this story.

(Well... mostly Karo did, tbh. It was easier for him.)

“Charging up his nose.” x’D I imagine it’s got to be worth it to write Nosepass just to be able to use phrases like that.

Between this, the implied horrors/squick of how they actually eat anything, and occasions that warrant the use of the phrase "nose hole", it very much is. 8D

And omg Smeargle fight… infinite move potential. This is gonna be glorious.

At least it would if he hadn’t just skewered one of them geez. At the very least, you’re reassuring me that one of my upcoming chapters isn’t as excessively brutal as I thought it was. xD;

YES SMEARGLE ARE SO MUCH FUN. They're basically wild cards (as are ditto, but in a different way), and I love the freedom that comes with that.

And yeah field-hazard impalements are a doozy, ain't they? :B Though I have to say, the scene that always puts me in jfc did I seriously actually write that?! mode is the hoothoot scene sdffsfd... XD

This story feels a lot less random after having read Ntairow’s explanation of Healers. Although it does make it sound like it’s something that only a select few of the Wobbuffet line are capable. Does DeLeo know that, or did he just get lucky that Esaax happens to be one of them?

It's actually present in most wobbuffet, but completely dormant in all but a small percentage. DeLeo was aware of this, but he'd been assured that the Magical Evolution Unlocking Juice would unlock that power, as well.

Granted, Esaax already had it unlocked (to the extent wobbuffet can, anyhow), and by the time DeLeo brought that syringe out Esaax had already told him enough to make him suspect as much and hope even more. But when it all came down to it, DeLeo just couldn't stand to take chances where the resurrection of his BFFs was concerned.

I am now wondering how long it took him to recover from that bad idea of his. If he’s over 6000 years old… what percentage of that was he even conscious? xD

PROBABLY NOT MUCH OF IT TBQH. XD Hence why he's not the all-knowing sage someone might expect of someone who's been around that long. Dude's missed quite a bit.

I’m surprised I hadn’t commented on this yet, but I find it odd that Syr has such an aversion to Glalie. Did he have some kind of past trauma with one? (I can totally understand Jen’s aversion, but Syr’s strikes me as more unusual.)

Literally all it took was for him to turn around at some point on his way north to Convergence all those years ago and find SUDDENLY A HUGE ****ING FACE where he hadn't expected one. Seeing as this was the time of the human extinction and all the chaos that naturally went with it, he was already hells of rattled to begin with. In a sense, glalie are more a scapegoat for some deeper, more nebulous fear that Syr has yet to be able to put a finger on.

Disregarding the lack of fingers, of course.

Alright, let me see if I have this straight. Kwazai are supposed to be dark-type, right? (Given what we saw of Acheron.) But because of Esaax's forced evolution, his energy is imbalanced. And… Ntairow can absorb it? Is she not a dark type (but… capable of safely holding dark energy?)

Male kwazai tend to be dark/psychic, while female kwazai tend to be purely psychic. The type disparity has its origins in the same place as the nidoran-esque dimorphism: I just couldn't pick. XD; Anyway, ordinarily the dark and psychic aspects of a kwazai get along just fine. Esaax being essentially "hacked" into compatibility with an eclipse stone is indeed exactly why that wasn't the case with Esaax. Ntairow's reasoning was that as a same-species individual with no resistance to the dark type, linking to him in the specific manner she chose would naturally draw in his excessive dark energy through... some sort of elemental osmosis, I guess you could call it. Whereupon she'd presumably suffer it like any other dark-type attack, and then said energy would dissipate into the environment as she recovered.

She just wasn't counting on said darkness developing sentience and a will to survive. No one was.

And regarding his forced evolution… there was that injection from DeLeo… but also the evo stone from Adn? Which one actually did it?

The answer to that, in this case, was both. The eclipse stone triggers evolution in compatible wobbuffet, which by default most wobbuffet are not. (Mirage and Fade wobbuffet, by contrast, are.) Without the injection, the stone would have done about as much for Esaax as it would've done for a sock.

(Also there was that bit where Adn went all stabby stabby on him, and I feel like that must be important somehow.) Actually, I am left with the same question I had at the end of Communication: what was Adn’s deal???

What WAS Adn's deal? Funnily enough, it actually ties into said stabby thing!

And I may as well get into the details here, since as of the last couple of chapters of Communication some of this no longer applies.

Adn, or rather Anomaly, is a shiny hunter. Anomaly is also a shiny ditto, and their idea of hunting involves collecting genetic material from other pokémon--the rarer, the better--and incorporating it into themself in some esoteric manner that would allow them to become an accurate replica of said pokémon even in the donor's absence, as well as to inject their own shininess into the mix regardless of whether or not the donor was shiny. That's what the stabby thing was: Anomaly was acquiring a bit of Esaax's DNA. (Told ya Animorphs was a bigass influence. :p)

They did the same thing to Jen, too, after the latter became a cryonide.

Of course, what they didn't account for was the exact sort of weirdness that could result from biohacking a psychic-type. Namely, the formation and ejection of a sentient elemental what-the-****. As such, they couldn't have expected that such a being would eventually latch onto the nearest available transform-knowing lifeform as a host to replace Esaax. (Esaax didn't know transform, of course. Otherwise he'd have become a nullshade rather than becoming terminally unstable. :B) And Anomaly had no idea whatsoever that leading someone to evolve into something they'd never even heard of would ultimately result in their own evolution into something they'd never heard of--something unable to transform, thus costing them their entire precious collection of transformations in the process.

Anyhoozle! Glad you had a good time reading this. Thanks lots for the read 'n' reply; it really made my night/afternoon. :D
 
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Cutlerine

Gone. Not coming back.
I was thinking on the train to work today that I'd like to read some fic, and I couldn't find any that I felt would absorb me for the requisite hour and a half, and then I remembered that this fic exists and thought I'd revisit it, seeing as how your current fic is picking up a bunch of its threads and doing some interesting things with them. Then I thought that if I was going to read it, I might as well review it too, only of course it's pretty old now and, as The Worldslayers demonstrates, you're a better writer than you were when you wrote it, so instead of criticism of things that are no longer issues for you here's some … I don't know, thoughts and impressions and things, organised by idea instead of chronology because apparently I just want to make my life harder.

One of the hallmarks of your fics is this sort of slow-burning opening, where little things keep happening until they build up into something bigger; this one's very similar, but you can really tell how much better you've got at handling that sort of thing when you compare it to, say, The Worldslayers. Chapter one just introduces Esaax; chapter two, Syr; chapter three builds on Esaax's past and introduces Adn; chapter four helps set up the world and chapter five sets the reader up to expect the deranics to be a big part of the story. And like – aside from the fact that after that one mention the deranics drop out of the story entirely, which is kind of not great, all of this feels a lot more like just some stuff happening than a world and atmosphere solidifying. You sort of unify it around Esaax's return from hospital, but I'm not sure the structure holds. But that's fine! Like I said, I'm not here to critique a story that isn't representative of your current ability; I'm much more interested in pointing out how far you've improved since. I love seeing people get better at the stuff they do, it's the best thing.

Also, I'd forgotten Esaax's past as a starring character in the anime, so that came as kind of a surprise. I've never really watched it, so I had to look up Palmpona, which is, uh, the weirdest damn name, honestly, why would you name something almost Pamplona but not quite, especially when a cursory read through Bulbapedia doesn't suggest any similarities to Pamplona at all.

Next up: the effect of biology on culture. Your pokémon are always really interesting, in that they're very human and also very not at the same time, and that's as true of The Origin of Storms as it is of any of your other stories. There's this wonderful thread running right the way through the story of the ways in which different species' particular physiology deeply affect their culture or worldview: the way weezing, whose lives are a series of increasingly spectacular explosions, see the spirit in air and fire, as revealed in chapter five; or the particular unfazed phlegmatic nature of the negligibly senescent nosepass; the way you build out – utterly brilliantly – a whole physiological underpinning that makes wobbuffet make sense, and that informs so much of the way they act, towards each other and to other species. These are some really standout ones, but there are also little things, like Jen not wanting to give up hands (in a scene that makes me wonder where the fuel for all these cars comes from these days) for the eerily beautiful cryokinetics by which glalie manipulate objects in the world around them, or the quick, practised partial transformations that Anomaly does as they shuffle between the shapes necessary for each of the tasks at hand. Then there's the way that individuals can be affected in specific ways too, as with the subtypes that you introduce in chapter sixteen, giving individual pokémon just that little bit more personal variety. Everything is so well thought out. It's wonderful.

Another really elegant aspect to the story is your command of tonal shifts. It's a common thing throughout, but it shines particularly well in chapters twelve and thirteen, where you move with perfect fluidity and confidence between comedic Karo and serious Syr and Ntairow, sometimes switching between tones in the space of a single paragraph. Thirteen in particular has that little two-word intrusion into the middle of Ntairow beating up the smeargle, 'Karo cheered', and while it comes and goes so fast you could miss it if you blinked, it's probably the best line of the chapter. The balance between humour and darkness, and their sometime combination into black comedy, is very finely struck – and it's something I'd forgotten you did, since it isn't so much of a thing in The Worldslayers, which is much more melancholy, as befits a story that takes place after the rest of all that pain.

The last big Idea thing I want to talk about, before this just devolves into a list of bits and pieces that I really liked, is the way you sustain a really interesting theme throughout: the malfunctioning of the body. In this story, bodies are constantly overspilling their bounds, rupturing and bursting and going wrong in creative ways; trauma makes them shut down (as with Esaax), or they spill out past their own limits (Karo, Faurur, Jen and his accidental cryokinesis), or they are torn apart (uh, lots of people), or they collapse into a liquid state that refuses any categorical definition, or they strive to complete growth patterns that their owners don't want (Jen again). And you have an entire chapter devoted to one extended body horror sequence, and a plot that hinges on the unethical transformation of another person's body. It doesn't feel like a coincidence that the two major locations are both places of healing, at least in theory; it's a story of anatomies and sicknesses, and above all of trauma – trauma that, in that weird literalised metaphor that pokémon are so good for, peels itself loose and becomes its own separate semi-hallucinatory thing that urges Esaax on to ever more destructive behaviour before breaking free completely from him in that spectacular denouement at Hope. It's extremely well done, and I think that somehow I managed to miss it the first time I read this story, despite the fact that it's a huge part of what makes it such a good tale.

Now! A whole bunch of other random crap that refused to fit neatly into one of the big idea paragraphs. Esaax's Very Bad Decision Day in chapter seven made me smile; like oh my god, dude, I know you're super traumatised and very desperate but maybe at least ask a question or two before you let the vaguely creepy guy you literally just met inject you with a mysterious serum. I also very much enjoyed seeing Syr get all angry-caring in chapter eight; having been reading The Worldslayers, I'd kind of forgotten how different a presence he was back in the beginning.

Speaking of Syr! I have to give him the dad of the year award for abandoning his son not once but twice at a hospital with strangers, on one of those occasions when Jen was extremely distressed from trying to suppress his latent glalie-ness, and on the other, just asking a woman he met literally an hour or so ago to look after him. I know, I know, Jen's not that young, but like, come on, Syr.

Then there's Karo, who has always been a delight. I like nosepass, even if they're sorta terrible in-game, and fic is such a good arena to give that kind of pokémon more love. And yet a lot of people don't do it, sticking to the cool or cute over the interesting, goofy or gross. Which is a shame, because the conceptually interesting are my favourite, and the grotesque are a close second. But like, one thing I really like about your fics is that you can be relied upon to do things like that.

Other great things about chapter ten: the first hint of Ren. You appreciate all this so much more when you revisit it, but your world – however dubious some of the early foreshadowing is, like the bit with the deranics – has such a strong sense of history and connectedness. It's just wonderful.

Solonn's outburst in chapter fourteen is one of the highlights of the story, and it would be remiss of me not to talk about it here. What's so good about it is that it highlights exactly how unnecessary DeLeo's plan is. He could have asked. It might even have worked! There's definitely a debate to be had about the ethics of it, because Esaax is in a super vulnerable position with regard to his mental health, but he could've done it – could've talked about the kwazai's healing potential, could probably have brought him around to voluntary participation in the programme. And yet – he didn't. Because he couldn't quite see Esaax enough as a person to do it; he could only see in terms of tools and opportunity. And you don't say any of this, but you don't need too. You imply it, and it's all very cool.

I've mentioned in other reviews how much I like the way you deal with very game mechanic-y kind of things like block that make much less sense in fiction than in-game; there are some great examples of that in here, too, from the original instance of Karo's block field to the cool explanation of the four-move limit. Trust a human to come up with some nonsense like that, although in the end I guess Ren was right; Karo did end up both very good and very creative with the moves he does know.

So yeah! That's my little revisit to The Origin of Storms. Not so very little now I've typed it all up, but, uh, I have a very long commute, so y'know, it was a fun way of passing the time. Perhaps I'll go back and have another look at your other fics sometime; I've really enjoyed seeing all these characters and ideas again. I'll be waiting for your next Worldslayers update with interest.
 
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Ambyssin

Winter can't come soon enough
So, I was not about to make the mistake of trying to read The Worldslayers blind. Nope, nuh-uh, wasn’t going to happen. Instead I figured I’d just make a fool of myself reading this instead. I seem to have a nasty habit of leaving reviews after Cutlerine or Negrek which make them look pretty silly, but oh well. Let me start by saying that the only thing I could use to summarize this story is one word: surreal. Like, it wasn’t necessarily all that mindscrewy, but it felt to me like there was a such a large level of supernatural elements percolating through the entire story. Not to mention what feels like a sense of desolation and even abject horror. I am not a big horror movie guy. In fact, I never see them. But I enjoyed the creepy elements and overall unnerving atmosphere that just plodded along through the story. Like, there was a mass extinction event of some sort, and mentally I kind of envisioned a ruined/bad future type of world. But things aren’t actually that bad. The Pokémon have functioning communities with hospitals and vehicles. And nature is still present, as the chapters in the forest show. The biggest bizarro element for me is, of course, the fakemon tidbit. I couldn’t properly visualize what you were going for with the kwazai, so I ended up with some kind of Wobbuffet-colored xenomorph in my brain. But maybe that works to my benefit, because it made the creepy things like Esaax’s monstrous rampage read as even more creepy. Like something straight out of monster flicks.

Beyond that, there’s just how humanized (or anthropomorphic?) the Pokémon have become in the absence of people. I never really found myself questioning it throughout the story, since it’s not overly consequential to the overall plot. It’s just nice to see something like that in an actual fic because I’m fairly certain I’ve dreamed or daydreamed of something like that before and thought myself to be completely crazy. And all of this doesn’t touch on the fact that this story is following some canon anime characters. While not the central part of the plot, it was important because otherwise the character relationships and dynamics would’ve made absolutely no sense.

I don’t know if you intended this to read as supernatural/horror or not, but that was what was running through my head the whole time. And I enjoyed it more than I did most of the horror movies I’ve had to suffer through, so good job! Now, some individual chapter thoughts.

Ch 1
Quite the opening you have to start with. My personal visualization skills are not great, so I didn’t realize Esaax was a Wobbuffet until it was outright stated. But I like how vague things were to start. In a sense (or just call me crazy), it reads like a written equivalent of waking up and having all your senses slowly turn on and recalibrate and your brain shift from dreamscape (beta waves) to conscious thinking (alpha waves). It’s so subtle that it makes this wham line really stand out:

After all, once one gets over a thing like a spontaneous extinction, a little adolescent heartbreak is nothing…
Hit me like a ton of bricks, that’s for sure.

The rest of the chapter is interesting because of such a strong degree of – I don’t know how to say it – humanization(?) of the Pokémon. Almost as if a contigent of them are trying to pick up from where humans left off. I’m not entirely sure at this point, but it does the job of making me interested to find out. Also, the idea of a Wobbuffet (the original lethal joke Pokémon) working out to make itself stronger is extremely amusing and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to take it seriously or satirically. I kind of went with the latter, but I may be reading it wrong.

Ch 2
There’s something so surreal about this opening scene. Quite frankly, this one bit sums everything up better than I possibly could:

A snorunt driving a car. No, nothing funny about that image…
Are you kidding? That’s hilarious! :p

As for what follows, holy smokes! So, Esaax basically has the Wobbuffet equivalent of an autoimmune disease, so to speak. It’s so strange to see, but it’s actually a very interesting explanation for how a Wobbuffet’s tail works (one of the questions that’s stumped everyone). It has this almost reflex-like connotation to it, where it takes copious amounts of active resistance to stop things. I don’t know if the neuroscience references were intentional or if it’s my job bleeding into how I read this, but that’s what I got from it.

Ch 3
So, I see you start with (correct me if I’m wrong) a male, shiny Gardevoir that’s acting like one part therapist and one part psychoanalyst (eat your heart out Freud). Anyway, Esaax backstory time. First off, it’s very odd for me to think of/imagine a nomadic tribe of Wobbuffets because they walk pretty funny. So, thinking of them walking about is kind of silly for me. But, eh, it’s unimportant. He was a Game Corner Pokémon. I feel like that’s an element you don’t tend to see pop up much, so credit where it’s due and…

Thus it was that he accidentally became a member of Team Rocket.
… I must look like suuuuuch an idiot for not realizing this earlier. This would make the Arbok one of Jessie’s Pokémon too, then? I’ve got to say, with the way the first two chapters went, I really wasn’t expecting this. Either I’m very gullible or your narration made the reveal all the more surprising. Or maybe it’s both. In any case, gosh an extinction plague is quite the 0-100 scenario. You make it sound like a bunch (or one) Darkrai did something really bad, but I’m probably wrong in that regard. So, in the end, Esaax was basically in a neurologic rehabilitation hospital/center. And now he’s getting discharged. Hooray!

Ch 4
There’s always something funny about arguments where one side is telling the other they can’t do something and it escalates until the realization sets in that they literally can’t do what they want because of specific reasons. I mean, Pokémon driving cars is pretty funny in it of itself. But the meat of this chapter is way more serious. Mysterious Xatu aside, that is certainly quite a take on James’ Weezing after she was ditched in Hoenn or whatever. The idea of Weezing and Wobbuffet together seems really unusual at first, but somehow you make it work. It’s probably because the specifics are mostly glossed over in favor of a quick rundown. That’s how it feels anyway. I mean, good grief, you’ve gotta feel bad for Esaax with everything that went wrong there. I don’t blame him for totally breaking down.

Ch 5
So, immediately a few things are brought to mind with Faurur. The first, of course, being dying of old age and just the natural wear and tear that takes over the body. Maybe this is odd, but simply describing her as “deflated” is extremely effective without being overly-descriptive. Second, where she is just brings homeless individuals to mind. So it’s kind of chilling. And then we have this group of sky-worm-dwellers/deranics that are apparently planning to do something strange to the world. Maybe they’re responsible for the human extinction. It seems that, in any case, Esaax may have some sort of touch-related power(?) as Faurur ends up going poof via fireball exactly like Drasigon. At this juncture I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. Maybe it’s Esaax absorbing their pain and then involuntarily returning it in a lethal way? Or maybe I’m just stupid and ignore this. <.>;

Ch 6
Now Esaax is having a bit of a mental breakdown. I don’t know why, but there’s a bit of black comedy to calling him a zombie. Maybe it’s just how I read it. On a more serious note, it’s very interesting how the Pokémon have these apparent mental health centers. I only say that because I’m familiar with their makeup in our world, so it’s so unusual seeing it applied to Pokémon. I will say I’m not entirely sure who’s doing what with that bit with the ice tree. Is that Esaax, Jen, or some combination of them doing that?

Anyway, moving on to the Hope Institute, I see you’re going for more of a religious/spiritual healing angle. Which is a nice difference from the hospital Esaax started out in. Although, I was expecting some sort of group therapy thing but it quickly gave way toward something more suspicious with Solonn guiding Esaax into some sort of mysterious encounter, which is immediately addressed at the start of the next chapter, I believe.

Ch 7
So, being honest here, I’m not sure what to make of the start, personally speaking. Like, it’s clear that Esaax is troubled and DeLeo’s trying to help but that’s where I get uncertain. It’s just me reading too deep into it, but with how vaguely DeLeo gets described, it just somehow sets off red flags in my head for some reason. The chapter doesn’t go that way. DeLeo reveals he’s human and seems to offer Essax something that could help bring out his latent power. Though, again, some sort of weird, untested serum just creeps me out and makes me super skeptical. It seems like DeLeo’s just a genuinely nice guy so I’m not sure why I feel this way, maybe it’s just because of how unusual the setup to the encounter was. Like, if you get pulled aside by a stranger and taken back for some sort of surprise private session, you’d probably feel creeped out.

Ch 8
Welp, the serum made him sick. I guess I was right to be suspicious, then? It’s just so… ironic that the spiritual healing place ends up with a syringe that puts Esaax back into the medical hospital. Syr’s acting like a desperately concerned parent, which is kind of adorable and I suppose makes sense given he’s “adopted” Jen, so to speak. But that’s all quickly pushed aside for something very bizarre that I’m not sure how to describe. A Gengar drops some sort of shard and then I can’t quite tell what it does to Esaax but suddenly we’re in the past with Ntairow and a son that Esaax apparently had. And I’m not sure if this is time travel, or a dream, or some kind of fabric of reality shenanigans. But suddenly it feels like we’ve taken a turn toward supernatural horror. I must say, the zig-zagging throws me off with how sudden it can be, but dang if it didn’t continue to surprise me every time.

Ch 9
Holy body horror, Batman! Once again, my mental visualizing kind of fails me here. And it’s not like the evolution is a bloody/gory change or anything. But it’s extremely unsettling for me, and makes me feel like I’m in the midst of some sort of grotesque monster reveal in a horror flick. Not helping things is Anomaly, who’s just silently removing evidence of its deed from the room. This is only further exemplified by the creepy, shadowy hand trying to get Esaax while he’s unconscious. Then there’s the fact that he’s been completely restrained and is now exhibiting this threatening behavior. The only thing this makes me think of is xenomorphs for some reason, but I can’t put my finger on why. I’ll just say it’s really creepy, very unsettling, and if that’s what you were going for I’d say you totally succeeded.

Ch 10
Not letting up on the horror element at this point. Syr goes into a friend’s house only to find it ransacked and the guy lying conked out on the floor. Yeah, that gave me the chills. As did the whole bit with the mace. And then Karo just goes on the attack, like some sort of dormant suit of armor coming to life. The situation kind of resolves itself, but you managed to get a bit of a jumpscare out of me there (did I use that word right?). It’s pretty funny how totally lax Karo is, especially when you consider how tense everything’s been up to this point. Though, if you want creepy, take the stuff that follows. Madeleine, whatever made you thinking going into Esaax’s cell alone was a good idea? Well, in contrast to the evolution scene, this bit was far more visceral and, again, made me think of a monster movie. Like, it’s amazing how creepy things managed to get after Faurur passed.

Ch 11
Okay, so I finally get the revelation of just what it is Esaax has become and, hoo boy, as far as Fakemon(?) go, kwazai seem pretty darn terrifying. I stand by my xenomorph comparison; or maybe I’m just really stupid. The gym battle flashback was possibly the most intimidating uses of Bide and Counter I’ve read in a fic so far. Actually, I don’t really think I’ve seen them used much at all, so that’s cool, I guess. And, in the same chapter, we have a second kwazai’s introduction right off the bat. And said kwazai is Ntairow, which I guess makes that other scene from Ch 8 something in the present. For some reason I thought Ntairow was already completely out of the picture by this time. Of course, they discover the dead Madeleine and the decision’s made to go after Esaax. Which, I’m going to venture a guess might not go over too well.

Ch 12
YUP OKAY TOTALLY RIGHT THINGS GOING BAD. Jeez, was that eating scene totally primal. Like, I would think forebrain could override the primal instincts of the hindbrain but apparently in kwazai that is not the case and boy is it nasty. Though, there are bits like this:

Karo just grunted inconclusively in reply. “Stupid mud,” he griped to himself. “I hate that stuff…”

“Well, on the bright side, it did cover up the rest of that smeargle graffiti,” Syr said.
Where some of the snark and humor from the early chapters pops up despite how dark things have turned. It’s still fun and quirky and I like it.

Anyway, so you finally give the tidbit about Esaax’s mysterious rainbow glowing. I expected it had something to do with healing/life force. That just serves to make it all the more ironic that he’s ended up as something that’s quite adept at taking life away instead. I’m sure that was intentional. Oh, and poor Karo. Stuck in the first stage of grief about losing Red. Or maybe he’s just that dense? Oh wow, that was a terrible joke. I’m surprised the Smeargles managed to put a stop to Esaax though. Well, at least I don’t need to worry about him being too overpowered, then.

Ch 13
“You’re a hallucination!”

“I’m a damn good hallucination, though, you have to admit,” Travis said
Well that certainly caught me off guard. Another one of those hilarious tidbits suddenly dropped onto us in the middle of all this dark stuff. But, looking past that, good grief is this one heck of a hallucination. So, Esaax is so screwed up that he’s basically a dead ‘mon walking now? That’s not depressing at all! On the other hand, I feel somewhat vindicated in feeling so dang suspicious of DeLeo back in Ch 7. I say somewhat because Esaax is gonna die or something and that’s not worth it. In fact, it appears that the hallucination was actually more like a manifestation of the primal predator lurking inside him being a kwazai now. And apparently it won out so this just got super depressing super quickly. Are we heading for an “everyone dies, no one’s happy,” ending? That’s my guess at this juncture, but we’ll see how right/wrong I am.

Ch 14
Okay, no subtlety this time, DeLeo is just straight up giving me a case of the mad scientist/spooky vibes. And that tidbit about a kwazai raising its human friend from the dead? Well, it makes me think of XY in some regards, only much more supernatural and containing a bit of mysticism, for what it’s worth. The whole legend does sound like some sort of classic mythological tale. This crazy creature has renowned powers and its kind gets hunted to extinction because the public fears what they’re capable of. And apparently, this is how Solonn factors into everything. If I’m reading this right, he was the one who knew of the kwazai’s existence and DeLeo (I guess) tricked him into revealing that information and then used false pretenses to get Esaax under his control. Yeah, I’d be pretty angry too if I figured out I’d been used like that. How interesting that after the last chapter built up Esaax as getting ready to tear DeLeo limb from limb, he’s actually done in in a far more subtle manner by Solonn. Normally I’d say that’s an anti-climax but given the horror overtones here, I think it’s actually pretty appropriate.

Ch 15
Oh, Karo, you’re such a delight bit of comic relief. Even though your situation with Ren is kind of tragic. The bulk of this chapter is one big, giant misunderstanding. But you definitely make Moriel out to be a very crafty Glalie in that battle, using trickery to overwhelm her opponents as opposed to the sheer, brute force that had been on display with Esaax and also with his friends a bit earlier on.

Ch 16
Nooooooo, Karo! I mean, he’s technically fine or, rather, as fine as you can get after using Explosion. Liked the explanation as to how a Pokémon like that could just bounce back from blowing itself up. Anyway, the group catches up with Solonn. Maybe I missed something that explains why the heck Syr’s so afraid of Glalies, because I’m totally unsure myself. Anyway, this all gets revealed as a misunderstanding of sorts. And it looks like we’re finally going to get the big reunion in the ending here.

Ch 17
The finale starts us off with a literal mind-battle of sorts between Esaax and his inner demon. And it’s clearly quite the struggle that’s also serving to put Ntairow completely on edge. Yet, somehow, there’s a brief moment of levity with that password tidbit because of course DeLeo would do something that stupid thinking no one could speak his language. And hooray, they’re able to get Esaax out and reunite him! But not hooray (and I kind of expected) there’s a big snag and his mortal coil’s unwinding rapidly. What follows is what I can only describe as the Pokémon version of some sort of twisted exorcism, only instead of bringing relief it just seems to literally (and maybe figuratively?) tear Esaax apart. Because he hasn’t had it bad enough already. And, while this isn’t everyone dying, it seems my intuition about this was proven right. It’s rather heart wrenching, especially since it’s basically a counterbalance of chapter 5. There, Esaax failed with the healing bit and his ex-lover dies. Here, he succeeds in healing a lover, but he dies in the process.

Now, for what follows. See, I had a sneaking suspicion that DeLeo wasn’t who he claimed to be, but I was willing to ignore it because of all the supernatural vibes this had going toward it. But good grief, that is certainly one way to depict the anime’s Meowth. It’s definitely the most unique interpretation I’ve seen ever. Things end off a rather somber note. It’s very simplistic, but I think it’s an effective way to ultimately bring everything to a close, given what had happened. The characters are basically left reflecting which, realistically speaking, someone might do in a situation where they lost someone they cared about.
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Cutlerine:
There's this wonderful thread running right the way through the story of the ways in which different species' particular physiology deeply affect their culture or worldview: the way weezing, whose lives are a series of increasingly spectacular explosions, see the spirit in air and fire, as revealed in chapter five; or the particular unfazed phlegmatic nature of the negligibly senescent nosepass; the way you build out – utterly brilliantly – a whole physiological underpinning that makes wobbuffet make sense, and that informs so much of the way they act, towards each other and to other species.

Things like those are one of THE most enjoyable things about writing nonhuman characters, just getting to come up with stuff like that. This goes extra for pokémon characters, seeing as some of them can be unusual in ways even the weirdest of weird animal can't. This goes DOUBLE extra for psychics, and especially unconventional psychics like wobbuffet. Good lord I love wobbuffet.

So yeah, it's neat as always to see someone else enjoy something I really enjoy myself. :D

Thirteen in particular has that little two-word intrusion into the middle of Ntairow beating up the smeargle, 'Karo cheered', and while it comes and goes so fast you could miss it if you blinked, it's probably the best line of the chapter.

Fun fact: that's my personal favorite sentence in the entire story. :D

The last big Idea thing I want to talk about, before this just devolves into a list of bits and pieces that I really liked, is the way you sustain a really interesting theme throughout: the malfunctioning of the body. In this story, bodies are constantly overspilling their bounds, rupturing and bursting and going wrong in creative ways; trauma makes them shut down (as with Esaax), or they spill out past their own limits (Karo, Faurur, Jen and his accidental cryokinesis), or they are torn apart (uh, lots of people), or they collapse into a liquid state that refuses any categorical definition, or they strive to complete growth patterns that their owners don't want (Jen again). And you have an entire chapter devoted to one extended body horror sequence, and a plot that hinges on the unethical transformation of another person's body.

Body horror and involuntary transformations: two of my favorite things. :D I think both slip into nearly everything I write, but yeah this is definitely the story where all that takes center stage. Good to know I've apparently done them justice. :'D

Now! A whole bunch of other random crap that refused to fit neatly into one of the big idea paragraphs. Esaax's Very Bad Decision Day in chapter seven made me smile; like oh my god, dude, I know you're super traumatised and very desperate but maybe at least ask a question or two before you let the vaguely creepy guy you literally just met inject you with a mysterious serum.

Ikr? It's like taking candy from strangers x10,000. (Whether I'm multiplying the candy or the strangers by 10,000, don't nobody know.)

Speaking of Syr! I have to give him the dad of the year award for abandoning his son not once but twice at a hospital with strangers, on one of those occasions when Jen was extremely distressed from trying to suppress his latent glalie-ness, and on the other, just asking a woman he met literally an hour or so ago to look after him. I know, I know, Jen's not that young, but like, come on, Syr.

I'd give him the award myself, but I cba to go all the way to Mauville atm. :B

He means well, I'm sure. He's just, well. A noob, certainly, when it comes to the whole parenting thing. XD

Solonn's outburst in chapter fourteen is one of the highlights of the story, and it would be remiss of me not to talk about it here. What's so good about it is that it highlights exactly how unnecessary DeLeo's plan is. He could have asked. It might even have worked! There's definitely a debate to be had about the ethics of it, because Esaax is in a super vulnerable position with regard to his mental health, but he could've done it – could've talked about the kwazai's healing potential, could probably have brought him around to voluntary participation in the programme.

Yep!

On a somewhat related note, gosh dang it's fun to imagine how things might've gone differently. Which is largely how these stories come about in the first place, but here and now I'm referring more specifically to the wonderful pastime that is what-iffing one's own stories. What if DeLeo hadn't gone behind Esaax's back? What if Anomaly hadn't been working at the Haven, or hadn't had their eyes on a spiffy kwazai morph to add to their collection? What if Esaax had had enough energy to resurrect Ntairow without expending his own life in the process? It's legit fun, thinking about how much even a tiny change could impact. :D

I've mentioned in other reviews how much I like the way you deal with very game mechanic-y kind of things like block that make much less sense in fiction than in-game; there are some great examples of that in here, too, from the original instance of Karo's block field to the cool explanation of the four-move limit. Trust a human to come up with some nonsense like that, although in the end I guess Ren was right; Karo did end up both very good and very creative with the moves he does know.

I like to believe that a good part of the reason Ren did that wrt Karo has to do with the in-game not-so-greatness of the species. Like he heard someone talking **** about nosepass, saying they were utterly useless and only a fool would bother to train one, and his response was basically challenge accepted.

Ambyssin:
The biggest bizarro element for me is, of course, the fakemon tidbit. I couldn’t properly visualize what you were going for with the kwazai, so I ended up with some kind of Wobbuffet-colored xenomorph in my brain. But maybe that works to my benefit, because it made the creepy things like Esaax’s monstrous rampage read as even more creepy. Like something straight out of monster flicks.

You're not far off! There's a deliberate xenomorph influence on kwazai m's design--more specifically, the influence of the newborn from Alien Resurrection, particularly in the long head/neck... wattle... thing (idk, in the movie it's almost like the thing has no skull in the very back and it just sort of... lies there, deflated XD but in the case of the kwazai yeah there's definitely a complete skull and the... head business is just flesh or cartilage or some such), as well as in the giant frickoff hands.

There's a bit of andalite in there, too, and probably a few other things I'm brainfarting about atm for some reason. Ancient-*** drawings of both kwazai, among other things, can be found here.

I don’t know if you intended this to read as supernatural/horror or not, but that was what was running through my head the whole time. And I enjoyed it more than I did most of the horror movies I’ve had to suffer through, so good job!

Yep, this was a horror! That and a tragedy. Mainly those two things. But there's certainly elements of other stuff in there, too.

The rest of the chapter is interesting because of such a strong degree of – I don’t know how to say it – humanization(?) of the Pokémon. Almost as if a contigent of them are trying to pick up from where humans left off.

There is definitely a good percentage of them who are specifically living that way as a tribute to humanity/means of clinging to the past.

Also, the idea of a Wobbuffet (the original lethal joke Pokémon) working out to make itself stronger is extremely amusing and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to take it seriously or satirically. I kind of went with the latter, but I may be reading it wrong.

There's really no wrong way to take it. Anyhoo, it amuses me too. :B

As for what follows, holy smokes! So, Esaax basically has the Wobbuffet equivalent of an autoimmune disease, so to speak. It’s so strange to see, but it’s actually a very interesting explanation for how a Wobbuffet’s tail works (one of the questions that’s stumped everyone). It has this almost reflex-like connotation to it, where it takes copious amounts of active resistance to stop things. I don’t know if the neuroscience references were intentional or if it’s my job bleeding into how I read this, but that’s what I got from it.

Any resemblance to real science is purely conincidental. XP

First off, it’s very odd for me to think of/imagine a nomadic tribe of Wobbuffets because they walk pretty funny. So, thinking of them walking about is kind of silly for me.

They're like penguins x10,000. :B

Then there’s the fact that he’s been completely restrained and is now exhibiting this threatening behavior. The only thing this makes me think of is xenomorphs for some reason, but I can’t put my finger on why.

I think this was more "I have watched Alien Resurrection an inordinate amount of times" slipping in. Whenever I think of that scene I immediately remember the xenomorph in the holding cell, snapping at the glass with those teef.

The situation kind of resolves itself, but you managed to get a bit of a jumpscare out of me there (did I use that word right?).

Nosepass jumpscare: an achievement I can truly be proud of. :B

And, in the same chapter, we have a second kwazai’s introduction right off the bat. And said kwazai is Ntairow, which I guess makes that other scene from Ch 8 something in the present.

Yeparooni!

YUP OKAY TOTALLY RIGHT THINGS GOING BAD. Jeez, was that eating scene totally primal. Like, I would think forebrain could override the primal instincts of the hindbrain but apparently in kwazai that is not the case and boy is it nasty.

Not in this kwazai, at least! This mainly has to do with the fact that he was more or less biologically hacked into being a kwazai. He was made able to evolve by kind of shoddy means, and yeah. Kwazainess is basically incompatible with the guy, so he doesn't command it particularly well.

And apparently, this is how Solonn factors into everything. If I’m reading this right, he was the one who knew of the kwazai’s existence and DeLeo (I guess) tricked him into revealing that information and then used false pretenses to get Esaax under his control.

About Solonn! Prior to working at HI, he knew nothing at all of kwazai. He was there for his own reasons, which had to do with another member of his species that was known to frequent there. What set him off was learning that DeLeo had transformed another person without their consent. It's a very personal sore spot with him.

Nooooooo, Karo! I mean, he’s technically fine or, rather, as fine as you can get after using Explosion. Liked the explanation as to how a Pokémon like that could just bounce back from blowing itself up.

Again, I love me some body horror. Even when it's the relatively bloodless mineral sort.

aybe I missed something that explains why the heck Syr’s so afraid of Glalies, because I’m totally unsure myself.

It mainly has to do with the fact that they have giant effing faces and can move silently, thus making it possible to turn around and ASJDHSAF HI WHEN DID YOU GET HERE WITH YOUR HORRIBLE DEMON FACE. Which happened to Syr at least once on the way to Convergence all those years ago. And he was quite shook up back then, because mass extinction outta gods-be nowhere, so yeah. Very vulnerable to glalie jumpscares, and the experience has stuck with him ever since.

It’s rather heart wrenching, especially since it’s basically a counterbalance of chapter 5. There, Esaax failed with the healing bit and his ex-lover dies. Here, he succeeds in healing a lover, but he dies in the process.

I legit never thought of it this way before. Now that I am thinking about it, I like it. :D


Huge thanks to both of you; these reviews were a genuine and uplifting delight to read. :')
 

diamondpearl876

Well-Known Member
Righty-o, so, I said I was gonna read this and leave comments! Just... took me forever. Sorry. ^^; But I keep my word. Cross-posting; if you don't want me to, just let me know and I'll delete on whichever forum.

Anyway, first I wanna say you do a fantastic job with the body horror in this fic. The connection between body and mind, and all that encompasses it, isn't wasted anywhere, that's for sure. From the start you get a very clear picture of Esaax's situation and how his life is being turned upside down along with his personality, and I mean, I get this sense without even knowing what his normal lifestyle and personality are. Still it serves not just as a hook because of the shock factor, but because I got attached to him as a character right away and wanted him to be happy and back to normal so I could learn about who he really is (or was, I guess, RIP forever).

Similarly, the interaction between types (particularly poison and psychic, here) are just as fascinatingly handled here as they were in Communication and are in The Worldslayers. Type changes happening mid-life with the kwazai, thus blocking out psychic powers, is still a unique concept fun to read about across all your fics, as is Convergence... The way you flawlessly weave these ideas in to all your fics helps make your worldbuilding feel especially real, particularly in the sense that "oh, the world practically ended and everyone around is suffering massively, and here, with these fics, they may all intertwine story wise but the real treat is that we get to see several groups of 'mons and how they're suffering and how they're managing." I don't know if that makes sense, but yeah. :p

Ntairow and Zerzekai were part of this for sure. Separate physically, but linked mentally, you could tell just had badly Ntairow and Esaax caried about each other. And despite never seeing them together in-fic until it was basically too late, I was rooting for them to have a happy ending. ;_; whyyyy did you do this to my heart

Madeline's crush - until her demise, of course - was amusing. Esaax was obviously uncomfortable with it, which I guess sounds kinda bad that I found it amusing, but it helped me get a glimpse of his true nature by how gentle he was with her anyway. He didn't lash out or whatever - a stark contrast to what he turned into in the end. We didn't get to see him much in his natural frame of mind or just living life in a normal sort of way like this, so I guess it's sticking out to me even after having finished reading a while ago now. Also, I don't think I've gotten to see a lot of romance factors in Pokémon-centric fics, so that was kinda refreshing to see.

I was slightly torn on Esaax and Syr meeting up again. It wasn't clear just how close they were as friends, and because of that, Syr offering to let Esaax live with him nearly straight away was a bit much. It didn't seem like Esaax was comfortable with Syr, either. But Syr's persistence to help his friend along the course of the fic was endearing. Just like in The Worldslayers, I could tell he's loyal, compassionate, and a little too hard on himself compared to everyone else. :p

Next up, Esaax's tail. Can't say I was ever a wobbuffet sort of fan, but you sold me. Going as in depth as you did on anatomy and the physiological role of the wobbuffet tail was fascinating to read, as was its connection to the move destiny bond. Also caught the connection between Esaax and anime!Team Rocket in there, which made me do a double take because I wasn't expecting it at all. xD But it was cool to see, especially when it came to flashbacks. Don't know the anime enough to compare Esaax's personality to the one portrayed in the anime, though. I'll add here, too, that the exposition sort of infodumps didn't feel like they dragged on or anything; they always felt nicely timed and never overstayed their welcome.

Solonn and Jen... Kinda weird reading this fic last, knowing everyone's about to be screwed over and knowing DeLeo is a lil ****, but, so it goes. It especially hurt to see Esaax not get any breathing room to consider DeLeo's offer. Everything happened so fast, and it only goes to show again how life can change for someone in an instant. And how someone's life can change over and over and over without warning.

Oh, and Karo! I was glad the latest The Worldslayers update had a lot of focus on him and Ren, because man, Karo became one of my favorites here. xD He's so quirky and soft and bold and a whole host of other lovable adjectives. I feel he has a lot in common with Syr with the loyalty and compassion toward friends, except Karo's a fair bit more assertive about it. And willing to make a few jokes in life or two, whereas Syr is more stoic. Was fun seeing them interact.

I think last thing I'll say is that you've improved drastically from this fic in Communication and then, even more so, in The Worldslayers. Not that the prose and description and dialogue etc here are bad - quite the contrary, actually. It was quite beautiful as usual and gripped me at every possible moment. Getting to read the whole in one go, though, simultaneously with The Worldslayers updates (which I'll review soon, too), I could see the subtle nuances in description and sentence structure/wording having changed, and only for the better. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, really, other than things feel tighter and like your confidence in writing itself has improved as well. Certainly made for a different kind of reading experience on my part, haha, and no regrets for delving into that experience.

Belated thanks for writing this! <3
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
diamondpearl76: Good things said about my worldbuilding always puts me in "aw shucks" mode. ;w; Same goes for apparently doing body horror and elemental interactions justice. These are Things I Like; of course I wanna do right by them.

Ntairow and Zerzekai were part of this for sure. Separate physically, but linked mentally, you could tell just had badly Ntairow and Esaax caried about each other. And despite never seeing them together in-fic until it was basically too late, I was rooting for them to have a happy ending. ;_; whyyyy did you do this to my heart

BECAUSE I CAN CAN CAN 8D

Idk, I think I've always kind of been something of a tragedian. Even as a kid. I was also a class clown. Make of it what you will.

I have spent just so much fricking time pondering over how wobbuffet even work, let me tell you. That's just... kind of what happens when I get obsessed with a given species. :B It's fun to do, and I'm glad it's fun to read, too.

The thing about the infodumps is kind of a relief, I've gotta say. Because that's what they are: infodumps. I think 3's possibly the weakest chapter as a result of them, but at least they apparently aren't too obnoxious.

Probably the best thing to hear/read, though:

things feel tighter and like your confidence in writing itself has improved as well

Just, omg. ;A; This means a lot to me, because this is possibly THE number one thing I've been working on/struggling with over the years. I remember a time, a pretty good span of time, when my writing was really, really... wishy-washy, let's call it. Deliberately wishy-washy. Afraid to say much of anything too assertively. Lots of things seeming rather than being. Shying away from letting character's perspectives color the narration for fear that it'd look like the narration was, like. Trying to push an agenda, I suppose.

So things were painstakingly neutral and imprecise for years, and I guess at some point I just couldn't stand how weak and flaky and bland the prose was as a result--seriously that stuff got tedious as heck to reread through back in the day--and so eventually I guess I just... snapped and got a bit more daring. I specifically wanted tighter prose. I specifically hoped to be more confident in what I was doing (which is a road I'm still traveling, tbh, and possibly always will be). I'm glad to hear I'm making progress. I really am. ;w;

Anyway! Thanks for the read 'n' reply! :D
 

diamondpearl876

Well-Known Member
Just, omg. ;A; This means a lot to me, because this is possibly THE number one thing I've been working on/struggling with over the years. I remember a time, a pretty good span of time, when my writing was really, really... wishy-washy, let's call it. Deliberately wishy-washy. Afraid to say much of anything too assertively. Lots of things seeming rather than being. Shying away from letting character's perspectives color the narration for fear that it'd look like the narration was, like. Trying to push an agenda, I suppose.

So things were painstakingly neutral and imprecise for years, and I guess at some point I just couldn't stand how weak and flaky and bland the prose was as a result--seriously that stuff got tedious as heck to reread through back in the day--and so eventually I guess I just... snapped and got a bit more daring. I specifically wanted tighter prose. I specifically hoped to be more confident in what I was doing (which is a road I'm still traveling, tbh, and possibly always will be). I'm glad to hear I'm making progress. I really am. ;w;

Anyway! Thanks for the read 'n' reply! :D

Yeah, I've been there as well. But your writing is, well, yours. You spend the time on putting down words and agonizing over if they sound right. You think of and flesh out ideas that translate into concrete themes and plot. You listen to your characters. And so on. People might spend time reading and forming opinions and reviewing... but that doesn't make them entitled to your writing, IMO. "Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them ****ing deal with it" <- one of my favorite, applicable quotes :p
 

Marika_CZ

Well-Known Member
Hi! I am here for a Ch1 review as a part of MMM prize. Thanks for participating btw.!

As usual with reviews that comment on the beginning of your story and not the whole of it, please take this with a pinch of salt. Some of my opinions will be pure guesswork and assumption because of how little I know by the end of Ch1. If I have time in the future I will try to read more chapters to give you a review that would be hopefully more useful.

First thing, your OP doesn't specify what genre this story is or give me the summary (which is not necessarily bad, but it does mean I dive into your story unsure what to even expect; that might affect my opinion of it).

So after going through the initial dream sequence, it seems this will be a story of a Pokemon who has to overcome a traumatic event in the past - that is good hook that makes me want to hear/read more; how this happened, what will be the consequences of dealing with whatever happened? Interesting!
Then, our protagonist comments on the dream and hints at the tragedy and their previous life.

Strangely enough, what follows is essentially a medical comedy. Until the end of chapter and including it, we go through some sort of medical exam with hospital stuff making jokes and being playful towards protagonist?
Please note - that is not wrong, just feels like a strange shift in tone (unless of course your story is a comedy? I don't think so based on your chapters' titles tho).
This can work if this is supposed to be "calm before storm" chapter. If it is present in other chapters too, I would probably question it tho (See? A lot of assumptions heh).

I cannot comment on the plot, because as far as I can see, it didn't actually begin proper. Chapter 1 feels like a prelude to whatever is going to happen (not wrong either; I myself sometimes take my sweet time before I let **** hit the fan). This is me just observing I would have to read more to give you some comment worth your time.

As for characters, I met three of them. Wobbufet I assume is the protagonist, and then there is a chansey and female mr. mime. You are certainly not afraid of experimenting with some less popular Pokemon and ideas, are you? (That is instant +1 point in my books :D )
I have nothing bad to say here nor any improvement to suggest. Character-wise writing is solid and adequate. The protagonist gets the most "screen time" - we can read what he thinks and get some hints of his past (perfectly standard), and the others have enough personality to pass for fun minor characters (if they are more than that, it is still enough for Ch1 to fill the quota, but future chapters would hopefully tell me more about them).

Overall, I liked the Ch1 (despite a little contradiction of dark/troubled past mixed with funny hospital dialogue). I will try to read more (if you would like me to?) but I am so busy lately and follow enough stories already that I can't gurantee it. Hopefully see you some other time in Ch2!
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Marika_CZ: Hi! :D

Genre-wise, this is I guess something of a mixed bag? I kind of suspect a lot of stories are, really: not exactly 100% or even 50% anything, much like people. I'll say that premise-wise this largely counts as darkfic, but it doesn't keep the silly things out very strictly, heh. :B

Apparently-uncommon pokémon choices are pretty much a consequence of my favorites mostly skewing aside from the species that make the promotional materials, so I'm not sure how much credit I can really take for that. :p At any rate, glad you're enjoying the casting choices. :D

You're absolutely welcome to read more, but please only do so if time and energy allow it! Being overworked is a miserable experience; I know first-hand.

Thanks lots for the review! :D
 

Kindoflame

Active Member
I just read this because it is a prequel to Worldslayers and am really glad that I did. It has a wonderful premise, realistic characters, and detailed descriptions. With the exception of Pokemon making a car that a Snorunt can use, my immersion was never broken for the entirety of the story. My only real problem is that it introduces a lot of elements that are not fully resolved or explained, which weakens the story as a stand-alone work. Still, those elements never play a large role in the story, so that complain is still minor. I definitely look forward to reading Communication next.
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Kindoflame: Glad you enjoyed it! :D

Yeah, it definitely has trouble standing on its own. The same goes for the other chaptered works, tbh. Some of them do answer each others' questions, but in the interest of kindness and fair warning, there are admittedly a few questions throughout the series that didn't really get answered at all.

Snorunt + car, meanwhile, was kind of just a gag that got carried away with itself, heh.

Thanks lots for the read 'n' reply! :D
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Early Game Encounter
Heya, so my hitlist for TR's Review Blitz offsite this year is basically just going around and trying to give as many people who have given me reviews in the past, and especially the past year reciprocating reviews as possible. Which when you’ve given quite a few for Fledglings for literal years here without me seeming to recall a situation where I ever shot you one back…
:copyka2~1:


Well, better late than never. So let’s go ahead and try and fix that state of affairs by jumping right into one of your more well-known stories and see where the cards wind up landing afterwards:

Chapter 1

He lay down upon a cold, wet patch of grass, though it may as well have been a bed fit for a queen. It was soft and enveloping, like the sudden drowse that was pleasantly consuming him. He yawned, covering his mouth with his hand—her hand, pale-skinned and branching out into five separate fingers.

This was not his hand. This was not his point of view.

… Wait, am I reading a PMD fic here, or…? Since I could’ve sworn TOoS wasn’t PMD.

Something sky-blue appeared over the pale hand—his own, much simpler, fused hand, surrounded by a soft, multicolored glow. He looked into her eyes, though he knew he didn’t need to. He knew they were closed, knew that their owner slept. On some level, so did he, yet he remained awake. After all, it was only her sleep, which he happened to be experiencing vicariously. A second-hand sensation.

Her last.

Oh, it’s just two Pokémon waking up staring into each other’s eyes. I think.

He recoiled from the sudden, stark vacuum where her lifeforce had been. Part of his own went with it, and the torn edges burned white-hot with pain. Disarray exploded in his mind—his cumbersome nervous system hadn’t unsynched in time, and now he couldn’t tell for certain whether he was living or dead, whether he was himself or the lifeless figure lying before him. Overwhelmed, he staggered backward until something caught under one of his pods and nearly tripped him.

Well it’s not just the protagonist who’s disoriented here, since I admittedly am tripping up a bit trying to make sense of what on earth just happened. Can’t tell if that’s deliberate or not as a design choice.

His perception, all of his many senses, abruptly froze. For a moment, reality returned. Then he saw the object he’d just stepped on—red, white, and round—and the distinction between himself and the friend he’d just lost blurred even further. This poké ball was his—but also hers

… What on earth are these two Pokémon anyways?

The poké ball rattled as he lifted it in his shaking hands. The vestigial joints at his knuckles constricted around it, and with a final, caterwauling scream tearing its way through his throat, both the poké ball and his psyche broke into shards…

Well that’s an opening scene if I ever saw one. I’m not fully sure what just went down there, though I suppose the other scenes will help fill things in. Probably. Maybe.
The crack of the poké ball’s implosion blasted him out of the dream, just as it had every time before. He groaned feebly, wishing it had done so sooner. An ordinary nightmare was bad enough. He didn’t need to suffer it from two different perspectives at the same time.

But now, at least, the dreams really were only dreams, no matter how twisted. The pain wasn’t really present; it was only a shadow of the feeling, somewhere between remembered and imagined, and it was finally confined to those nightmares. For too long, it had followed him into his waking life, too.

Wait, that was a nightmare? I guess it would explain a thing or two about how “acid trip” that whole sequence felt like.

Peace had been hard-won through the efforts of many over years in the Haven. Lazily, still yet to fully awaken, he opened his eyes and let their inner membranes slide back for one last view of his room there. It was a simple, small space, shut away from the outside world and its rude sun, perpetually shadowed in his preferred darkness.

You have my attention there. A ‘Haven’ huh? That certainly sounds different from any canon continuity I’m aware of, so this’ll be interesting to see.

He flexed his spine and his limbs, detaching his jaws in a massive yawn. There was a series of faint snaps as his joints relocated, followed by another sound: the trilling of the door alarm.

As he got to his feet, the lights came on slowly, gently, a feature for which he was quite grateful. It allowed eyes like his, accustomed to near-total darkness, to more gracefully adjust to the brightness on the other side of the door, which would only open once the light-adjustment process was finished.

… Wait, who on earth built this place anyways? Since that sounds like one hell of a digs for a haven to live in.

He’d have personally preferred for the lights to not come on at all, but most of the Haven’s staff were chansey. Their kind had nothing like the night-vision of his own; they required light to be active and able to perform their sometimes critical work. He’d often wondered why they didn’t just employ some nocturnal species to tend to the dark-sighted, but he’d always let the matter slide.

Two words. “Soft. Boiled.” Nobody else can do it anywhere near as well.

At any rate, he could tolerate light rather well for one of his kind, for he was used to it. Living with humans (and the hours those humans kept) for part of his life had caused him to develop diurnal habits. He suspected that he’d probably end up half-blind before his first century and wholly so halfway through his second, but it would be worth it. He’d loved those years he’d spent with the humans, and outside of the occasional nightmare, he could now recall them with more joy than sorrow.

:copyka2~1:


Though I suppose it’d make sense that being forced to live outside natural rhythms would have knock-on effects for Pokémon. Though ‘now recall them with more joy than sorrow’? As in implying this guy no longer lives with humans? I’ll be keeping an eye out there.

The door slid open, and in stepped a chansey, beaming proudly. A nametag clipped to her fur identified her as Teresa. She carried a form attached to a clipboard; somewhat awkwardly, she turned it around so that the paper faced him.

That’s the world’s weirdest-looking Boo there, just saying. Though hey, at least it’s less on the nose than ‘Lucky’.
:loltias:


Wobbuffet, male, the form read in unown-script. Designation: Esaax Evergray. He’d been denying that name and the history that came with it ever since his new life among the humans had begun. But now, in his “second new life”, he embraced it once more.

After all, once one gets over a thing like a spontaneous extinction, a little adolescent heartbreak is nothing…

Well, that would certainly explain the past-tense reference to ‘time with humans’ a little earlier on. Though I knew those “felt like PMD” vibes were coming from somewhere.

He shook his head clear of such thoughts, determined to stay in the present, and returned his attention to the form. His eyes scanned its surface quickly, skimming over several more lines of personal data until he found he was looking for: 4/15/14…

… Wait, what is the full date on their calendar system? Like did they just roll a new one after humans keeled over or crib the epoch they were using at the time?

“Well, this is it!” Teresa said cheerfully, matching Esaax’s thoughts at the moment almost word-for-word. Today, he would leave. Today, at last, he could. “Are you ready for your final tests?” the chansey asked.

“Yes, ma’am,” Esaax answered, careful as always to prevent the automatic door from closing on his tail as he followed the chansey out of the room.

… How long ago was this extinction such that they’ve managed to keep the lights on in this place all this time? Since this means either they successfully kept the industrial base humanity left alive humming, or the extinction was recent enough that they’re able to coast off of scavenged spares.

“Now, you do realize this means you’ll have to go see Adn just one last time.”

“I’m not scared of Adn,” the wobbuffet said, and for the most part he wasn’t. A measure of dread snuck into his voice all the same.

Narrator: “He’s absolutely scared of Adn.”

“Never said you were, but still, I know his method isn’t the most comfortable…”

“…But it’s what it takes and you’re gonna do it anyway, so…” Esaax shrugged in mock surrender.

“Right. Anyway,” Teresa said as she led Esaax down the hall, “we’ll be saving him for last, which is fine since we have other things to take care of anyway. We’ll just get you in when he’s finished; he’s with another patient at the moment.”

… Wait, what on earth sort of doctor is Adn anyways such that his patients are afraid of him? .-.

Another door opened to admit the two of them. Therein were all the necessary resources for a basic physical exam, including a living resource: a pokémon who served as Teresa’s assistant—or, more precisely, as her hands. Specifically, this was a mr. mime by the name of Madeline. Her large and agile hands were well-suited for tools and equipment made for the very similar hands of humans, the sort of things for which the tiny, nearly-featureless paws of a chansey tended to be inadequate.

Oh, so no magical anime suction powers like Eevee paws apparently have, huh? :V

“Why, look at you!” Madeline said. “We don’t really need to look him over, do we, Terry? He’s the very incarnation of health right here, I’d say.”

Lol, you’re not getting out of things that easily, Esaax. >:V

She came up to stand before him and studied him with an eyebrow raised and a finger resting on her lips in a way that one might gaze at a work of art. Then she smiled and said, “Still working out, I see. Bet we’ll fill this place twice over after you get out with all the women you’ll drive crazy, you handsome blue devil.”

inb4 it’s not in a figurative sense since Wobbuffet… can be pretty annoying to fight as opponents if you go in unprepared.

Esaax averted his gaze. Flirting and teasing from Madeline wasn’t exactly anything new, but it put an unpleasant taste in his mouth regardless. He sincerely hoped she was just joking around, but if she wasn’t… Esaax tried very, very hard not to think about that possibility.

Oh, so Esaax is just casually
:squirpuke~1:
-ing in his mind right now, huh?

At any rate, her observation was correct—or the part about him working out was, anyway. Esaax had indeed been on a devout physical training regimen for quite some time now. Though Madeline liked to make him out to be some kind of beefcake, such wasn’t the case at all. The effects of his training, though visible, weren’t dramatic. Esaax was no bodybuilder; the point of his training was simply to help him harness and become aware of the strength that he already possessed.

… Wait, what on earth happened to Esaax such that he needs this anyways?

The idea to start him on such a program had originally arisen from the poké ball incident that had inspired so many nightmares. As was common among his kind, Esaax hadn’t known the full magnitude of his own physical strength on account of being unable to use it against another living creature. As such, Esaax had been told that it might do him some good to become conscious of his “idle power”, lest anything else fall victim to it.

Oh, so that’s this story’s explanation for why Wobbuffet are so annoying to fight in-game. Though I wonder if that’s a thing common to Wobbuffet at large or if it’s just Esaax who has problems with this.

He’d agreed to this instantly. All his life, he’d broken things by accident; the chance to learn how to leave his klutzy side in the past was irresistible. On top of that, he’d soon discovered that the workouts also had the benefit of keeping his mind as busy and strong as the rest of him.

I’m not convinced that he’s already over this so soon. This whole setup just screams “lingering problem Esaax is going to have to deal with”.

While he no longer needed the exercise in the therapeutic sense, he still enjoyed it as a hobby. He’d often wondered where he might train once he was released and had ultimately decided on the old human gym down the street, which fighting-types frequented.

Haven is a repurposed human town, isn’t it? Since I see that mention of an ‘old human gym’ there.

He imagined that if he did go there, some machamp or maybe a hitmon of some kind might pick a fight with him—he figured they’d be unable to resist the allure of a psychic they could whale on without fear of eating psybeam. One or another of them would just let loose with the mega punches and seismic tosses, only to have those attacks thrown right back in their face, doubled in power…

Yup, that’s Counter for ya. ^^;

The thought of such a thing was just too funny. Esaax started chuckling aloud, but stopped when something cold pressed itself against his chest. He looked down at the stethoscope for a moment, then met the gaze of the mr. mime who’d put it there.

“Uh… Teresa? Are you okay?” Esaax asked. “You’ve never had to have her do this part before.”

“She insisted,” said the chansey.

Lol, Madeline’s deliberately doing this to try and hit on Esaax, isn’t she? o<o

Madeline just stood there with a smile suggesting that she had more on her mind than anything Esaax’s heart was doing.

Namely getting a big, impish grin as she hears it racing at a pace that would make a Ninjask blush.

“In fact,” Teresa went on, “Madeline asked if she could handle the entire examination herself. And I told her she could.”

Esaax’s mouth opened to protest, but something made his voice die in his throat. All he managed was a sigh. Just get it over with…

Madeline:
bdd.jpg

Esaax: “Look, can we just cut ahead to the part where she’s not dragging this out to hit on me?” >.<

Minutes later, Esaax left the room alongside Teresa, trying not to think about what had just transpired. More than ever, he was grateful that his time at the Haven was nearing an end.

… Wait, where is Esaax going to be going after this anyways? .-.

“…So now what?” he asked, hoping the answer was something other than just waiting around. A distraction sounded like a very good idea right about now.

“Well, you could have your RE test now, or would you rather have something to eat first?”

An easy question. “I think you know.”

“I do,” Teresa said with a chuckle.

That acronym’s going to become important in the future, isn’t it?

The two stopped in their tracks as another chansey stepped into their path from around the corner. “He’s here,” the newcomer said.

“Oh good,” Teresa responded. “Tell him to wait in the cafeteria, okay?” She turned to Esaax. “I forgot to tell you, Esaax. A friend of yours has come to pick you up. You can chat with him over breakfast.”

… I just realized, but where are these two right now anyways? A hallway? Outside on the street/in a courtyard? Since I don’t think that the prose really makes it explicit at the moment.

The news took a second to click. “Wait, really? Who?”

“Go and find out for yourself! I’m going to check up on Adn again and see if he’s anywhere near ready. See you later!”

Esaax watched Teresa waddle off, then made his way to the cafeteria, feeling awfully puzzled for someone who was supposed to have achieved clarity at last.

Translation: “Esaax hasn’t achieved clarity yet.”

Alright, so it admittedly took me a while to figure out what was going on since that first scene really threw me into a loop, but if what I think I read just went down, then I can already tell that this is going to be a story very unlike others that I’ve read before in the past and I’m all here for it.

To start out with the strengths, but kudos on rolling Esaax as a Wobbuffet. It’s a really rare species casting to the point where I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen a Wobbuffet protagonist that wasn’t TR’s before but you seem to have gotten some decent mileage from it. You did a good job emphasizing that Esaax, while relatable, isn’t human and accordingly has certain mannerisms and biological quirks that wouldn’t occur to humans such as his whole spiel. It’s a nice Xenofiction angle that tends to get glossed in Pokémon fiction on both sides of the trainerverse vs. PMD divide, so it’s nice to see you not only taking it head-on, but in a way that feels both imaginative while like it makes sense for the sort of Pokémon Esaax is.

I also liked how there were tantalizing hints of a bigger world which has had some things™ happen to it from that casual mention of there being an abrupt extinction of humans. I’ve always been a sucker for worldbuilding, and you sure have my interest for where things are going since Pokémon attempting to live to some extent like humans as we would know it in modern life is a rare bird in this fandom. Especially since I’m really curious as to how long ago all of this was and how on earth everyone has been managing to keep the lights on in the Haven in the wake of humans abruptly being gone.

As for cons, I honestly don’t have too many to gripe about. My main one is that it took a while to figure out what on earth was going on from the first scene with the nightmare. Though that might have very well been the point since we’re seeing things through a lens that isn’t human, and hey, it is a nightmare. Those are always a bit trippy. Beyond that, there were a couple of moments that could’ve used a little more description, with the very last scene being the main moment that came to mind as one where things felt a bit bare. That said, it felt more like individual spots had this issue, and it wasn’t serious or recurring enough for me to see it as a more systemic issue with the chapter.

I honestly feel kinda guilty for not having read this story back when it was being released on Serebii, let alone before you moved on from writing in general. Since from what I can see, it’s really different from most other Pokémon stories and seems to have a lot of imagination behind trying to depict how Esaax and Pokémon writ large tick. Though I suppose remedying that late is better than never. I’ll be keeping an eye on this story @Sike Saner , and if I can help it, I’ll be back to review more of it later on in the next 4 weeks.
 

Spiteful Murkrow

Early Game Encounter
Heya, here to begin a bit of a slow process of bringing over reviews from an offsite review event to other platforms to help signal boost the affected stories. Though I figured that I’d prioritize The Origin of Storms since I did like my first taste of it quite a bit, and with how many reviews you’ve thrown at my stuff over the years, I figured it was a good enough reason to throw some extras back your way.

Chapter 2

With a large amount of food in tow, Esaax scanned the cafeteria for the mystery visitor but found no sign of him. So he opted to stop at a table, set his tray down, and let this friend—whoever he wascome to him.

Not sure that’s the smartest idea in the world, but let’s see where this is going…

Before long, he spotted an arbok entering the room, at which his mouth fell open in surprise. Is that… he wonderedonly to realize just as quickly that yes, his visitor was exactly who he appeared to be. For the first time that day, Esaax smiled.

Oh wait, this is that Arbok from your signature banner on Serebii, isn’t it?

The arbok had noticed Esaax in the same instant and rushed to greet him without hesitation, failing to notice both the skiploom he ran over in the process and the sound of her squeaky voice cursing him out immediately afterward.

Great situational awareness there, Arbok.
:loltias:


“Syr? What in the world are you doing way out here?” Esaax rose and gave his old friend a massive hug as the arbok came to a stop beside the table. A bowl of oatmeal seemed to fall out of thin air, spilling all over Syr’s chest. Esaax had been balancing it on his head and had forgotten about it. “Oops…”

“Syr” huh? Well that feels like a decently snake-y name. Even if Esaax clearly needs to take a couple courses on how to pull off heartfelt reunions. :V

“That’s okay,” Syr said through gritted teeth, shaking off the hot oatmeal (which thankfully didn’t land on anyone else).

Narrator: “It was not okay for Syr.”

“Man, I haven’t seen you in years,” Esaax said before taking his seat once more and devouring an entire watmel berry in one bite. “Thought I’d never see you again—what are you even doing all the way out here?” he asked again.

>Esaax just inhales a berry that’s 10” in diameter whole

Somehow I should be less surprised that one of his closest friends is a snake with feeding habits like those.

“I live here now,” the arbok replied. “I found a pretty decent place. In fact, you can stay there for a while if you’d like. Would you?”

Well that’s certainly out of the blue from Syr’s end. Though I wonder what the backdrop is for all of this such that Syr doesn’t assume that Esaax has a place in town already.

[ ]

“Don’t really have anywhere else to go, so yeah, sure. Hey, I’ll even move in with you. Wouldn’t want you to be all alone, after all…”

If Esaax had any moment to pause or do anything other than give a reflexive answer, it might have made sense to describe it beforehand, even if in a chunk of inline description. Since something about the phrasing of Esaax’s line feels very abrupt coming right off the heels of Syr’s “hey, wanna move in with me?” offer.

Esaax: “Seriously, Syr, how on earth did you even know-?” .-.
Syr: “Lucky guess, really.”

“But I’m not alone. I adopted a son.”

Somehow Esaax hadn’t seen that one coming. He nearly choked on a brownie. “Okay… so I’m gonna be sharing a house with a giant, venomous serpent and his bitey little snakeling?” he joked.

Narrator: “Syr’s son will not be a bitey little snakeling.”

Syr gave him an odd look. “He’s not a snakeling, he’s a snorunt. His name is Jeneth, but we just call him Jen. And yes, he knows bite, but he doesn’t just randomly use that on people.”

Yup, I had a feeling there. I blame the Glalie in your forum avatar, but I frankly would’ve been more surprised if Syr’s adoptive child was a fellow snakemon.

[ ]

“Snorunt? This is the wrong climate for those.”

Another spot where it’d probably have been nice to get some description of Esaax’s reaction to this, since I assume that he was not expecting to hear that.

“Tell his kind that. Supposedly, a bunch of glalie decided to settle in these parts, though I can’t imagine why they would’ve wanted to, and most of the people I know say that they’ve seen at least one around, too.” He shuddered. “Brrr. I get the creeps just thinking about them…”

Oh there are all sorts of
:copyka2~1:
undertones to this moment, since that has some implications for what on earth brought them to a place that for them is a super-uncomfortable place to settle, and how they’re getting along with the locals at the moment.

“Huh. So where is he?”

“Waiting in the car.”

violet-spit-water-the-incredibles2.gif


They have working cars in this setting?

“You left a baby outside in a car?”

“He’s not a baby. He’s a young man,” Syr said.

Ah yes, quality snake parenting on display there. I’d expect nothing less from creatures that with a small handful of species exceptions, check out from parenthood almost immediately after their eggs hatch.

“Whatever. You still shouldn’t have left an ice-type out there under the sun.”

“He’s in the shade, Esaax. It’s his car; he drives it, and he gets to decide where to park it.”

… Wait, just how old is Jen? Since I had some radically different assumptions about how old he’d be after hearing he was adopted. .-.

A snorunt driving a car. No, nothing funny about that image… With a faint snicker, Esaax turned away from the topic of Jen and back to his gluttony.

So how many phonebooks does Jen have to sit on to see over the dashboard anyways? And do I want to know what his rig to properly turn the steering wheel looks like? ^^;

“You still haven’t explained how someone your size could possibly need to eat a third of his own weight every day,” Syr teased.

“You still haven’t explained how someone your size can only need to eat once a month,” Esaax retorted. “But who cares? What I really wanna know about is—” Esaax saw Teresa heading their way. “Whoops, looks like we’ll have to talk about it later.” He shoved the remainder of his breakfast down his throat at once and waved at the chansey.

The answer to both of these is ‘metabolism’. Since otters IRL have roughly the same dietary needs as Esaax for that exact reason.

“What’s going on?” Syr asked.

“RE test. It’s just this exercise to make sure that some of my more… uh, complicated systems are working all right. They might let you watch if you want.”

Syr: “O… kay? I mean, I guess it can’t hurt-”

“You can do more than just watch,” said a voice from beside Syr.

It’s going to be Madeline, isn’t it?

Syr hadn’t bothered to look and see whom Esaax had waved at; as such, Teresa’s unexpected voice nearly scared him right out of his skin. “Waaugh!” he shouted.

Never mind, it’s Not-Boo there. Not that Madeline coming in and hitting on Esaax in front of Syr wouldn’t have been all sorts of amazing for cringe comedy.

“Daria could seriously use a break,” Teresa told Esaax, unfazed by the arbok’s outburst. “You could participate in her place,” she then added to Syr.

Syr: “Esaax, should I be concerned here?” o_o;
Esaax: “What, Teresa? Nah, she just does that sometimes.”
:joltyshrug~1:


Syr gained a somewhat worried expression, still unsure what the chansey and wobbuffet were actually talking about, let alone if it was anything he should want to have any part of.

Kek, I was joking with that last cutaway gag.

“It’s pretty easy,” Esaax said. “And it doesn’t take long.” He hoped Syr would agree to help out. Otherwise there was no telling who might end up substituting for Daria instead.

If there was any chance Madeline might get called in…

Esaax: “Okay, yeah, you’re coming along, Syr!”
:ohnowen:


Syr sighed. “Well…”

Esaax: “Thank goodness, dodged a bullet there.”
:sweats:


Next thing Syr knew, they’d brought him into a very large and entirely empty room. It didn’t look at all equipped for any sort of medical testing.

I still don’t get it,” he admitted to Teresa. “What are we going to be doing here, exactly?”

Something about this paragraph looks like it’d flow better presented with the description and dialogue separated from each other.

“We need to make sure his retaliatory abilities are in good shape. To do this, they must be triggered. That’s where you’ll come in,” the chansey said.

Syr: “Okay, I’m turning around and leaving now-”
:riOMEGAlu:

Esaax: “Syr, don’t you dare! I am not getting stuck doing these exercises with Madeline of all Pokémon!”
:seviAAAAAAAAAAA:


Syr blinked nervously, nearly certain now that he knew what was being asked of him and hoping he was wrong. Reluctantly, he reached for confirmation. “Esaax, what do I have to do to trigger these… abilities?”

“Attack me.”

Esaax: “Syr, it’s testing retaliatory abilities. What did you think I was going to be retaliating against? Snark?”
:eltywtf:

Syr: “It just didn’t occur to me that there would be medical tests involving attacking others inside a hospital.” ._.;

“Oh no.” The arbok looked to Teresa with a hint of desperation in his eyes. “…Are sure there’s no one else who could do this?”

Syr: “Esaax, I did not sign up to get Countered in the face by you repeatedly! Seriously, have someone who’s a proper tank do this with you!”
:grohno~1:


Teresa sighed. “I’m afraid not,” she told him. She then ushered Syr aside, motioning for him to lean in toward her.

It will smart, yes,” she said, her voice lowered. “But it’s crucial that we do this. It’s to make sure his tail’s all right. He’s sustained some kind of trauma to it before, and very serious complications can arise from a tail injury in his species—and already have, in his case. We do not want him going into crisis again… do you know what that is?”

I’m tripping up a bit over a definitive location to suggest, but IMO this paragraph ought to get broken up into two, since it’s a lot to be reading in one breath, and Teresa is effectively taking a pause between speaking anyways. Might as well lean into it in terms of paragraph structure.

Syr shook his head.

“Autoempathic crisis is a vicious cycle caused by damage to a wobbuffet’s tail—or more specifically, to the pseudobrain in the tail, which is the source of their ability to use retaliatory attacks,” Teresa began to explain. “In crisis, the pseudobrain fails to distinguish pain with an internal cause from pain caused by an attacking enemy. It retaliates, involuntarily, by inflicting twice the pain on its source as usual.”

[ ]

“But with the source being the wobbuffet itself, it only creates a new, greater pain that it must also counter. The cycle continues repeating, doubling the pain again and again, until the agony reaches a level that the wobbuffet’s body just can’t bear any longer.

This feels like a line of dialogue that’s long enough that it might make sense to hack it up and show Syr’s reaction to things, especially if this is all Greek to him and he’s not really understanding what he’s hearing from Teresa there.

“I was there when he suffered his last crisis—it was awful. The convulsions, the screaming… God, how he screamed…” she whispered, sounding lost in the memory for a moment. “He was almost too far gone by the time we managed to stabilize him, and the dosage of painkillers it took to break the cycle nearly killed him in and of itself.”

Syr: “I’m sorry, and why do I want to get involved with this again when I’m not a trained physician by any stretch of the imagination?” ._.;

“My God…” Syr said almost voicelessly, both amazed and alarmed. “You know… just for the record, I think the ‘trauma’ to his tail you mentioned was someone stepping on it,” he said, not naming that someone out of respect for the dearly departed. “More than once. Accidentally,” he added quickly.

It was absolutely not by accident.
:copyka:


I suppose I ought to be more surprised that it was something this small in the grand scheme would mess Esaax up this much, but TOoS has had a sort of comedic undertone to things such that it just fits somehow.

“Yikes,” Teresa said, grimacing. “Well, anyway… the damage to his RE centers can never be fully repaired. He’ll never be entirely out of the woods. We may be forced to… well, to remove his tail if it gets out of hand again. So hopefully you see why it’s important that we’re made aware of any continuing problems he might have—we need to be able to take care of them before they get a chance to blow up in his face again. Will you help us?”

Who on earth stomped Esaax’s tail such that it damaged him that much? An Aggron?
:wtfuckle:


[ ]

“Of course,” Syr said. “Still, I don’t really want to hurt him too much…”

Would recommend throwing in some description on Syr’s part of his reaction to things, especially if he’s in that “okay, fine, I’ll do it” sort of state of mind.

“Just one acid and one bite,” Teresa said. “One special attack and one physical attack so we can gauge both responses.”

“You’re not testing his destiny bond?”

“Luckily for both of you, no.”

Syr: “... Yeah, on second thought, sticking with his Mirror Coat and Counter sounds good to me, too.”
:uhhh:


“Okay… okay, I can do that.” Syr turned toward Esaax and slithered somewhat closer to him, still nervous but knowing that he had to go through with this for Esaax’s sake. He called upon his acid technique, trying to keep it relatively weak so as not to hurt his friend—and by extension, himself—more than was necessary. The acid swiftly filled his mouth, and he spat it in a forceful spray toward Esaax.

dis-gon-b-gud-lawn-chair.gif


Esaax was ready. His tail rose, its oculons collecting a broad spectrum of data about his opponent and any incoming attacks. Focusing hard, he opened the pathways to his retaliatory empathy centers. Doing this so consciously and deliberately was difficult for any wobbuffet, but years of practice had finally allowed him to master this ability.

A bright pink aura flared around him as the acid hit its mark and seared the skin of his left arm, sending an amplified echo of the pain that the poison-type attack had caused back unto the arbok.

Oh, so that’s what ‘RE’ stands for. I do wonder if this paragraph would’ve worked better as two smaller ones, though.

Syr shouted in pain and recoiled, surprised by the force of Esaax’s mirror coat—it seemed he hadn’t weakened his acid attack as much as he’d intended.

Sorry…” he said, at which Esaax made a dismissive gesture despite the pain in his expression.

Oh yeah, that Bite’s going to go well™ after this given that that’s a super-effective move and by nature going to hurt Esaax, and by extension Syr like hell.

Syr: “Actually, on second thought, can we test Esaax’s Counter with a Tackle? Since I’m really starting to think that I should test it with a Tackle-” O.O;
Teresa: “Quit shedding your scales, you’ll be fine, Arbok.” >_>;

“Very good,” Teresa said to Esaax. “Now this time, try to suppress it. Hit him a little harder, Syr,” she added, earning a rather uneasy look from the arbok.

Syr: “... Aren’t you at least going to give me Oran Berries between these? Since this hurts me too, you know?”
Teresa: “What, are you going to ask for a lollipop after this, too? It’s just simple RE exercises, Arbok. Everything is being conducted in a controlled manner and we’ll intervene if anything gets too out of hand.”
:eltywtf:


This time, Esaax braced himself. His efforts to develop his abilities had enhanced them to a point where it took very little to set them off. As he took Syr’s second acid attack in the other arm, he had to fight hard to suppress his body’s urge to retaliate. Luckily for Syr, Esaax succeeded.

“Excellent! Syr, change attacks,” Teresa commanded.

de7.png


Syr lunged forward in a bite attack, his fangs taking on the violet-black glow of dark-type energy as they connected with Esaax’s side—but he made a very conscious effort not to let them sink in too deeply. An orange flash heralded what was nonetheless a very strong counter attack, and the arbok was sent reeling back with a cry.

Well, that was a very fast something there.

Syr: “O-Ow…” @.@

“What the…” Syr’s voice faltered as he struggled somewhat to pick himself back up off of the ground, panting slightly. “I’m holding back. I swear I’m holding back.”

Syr: “We just had to do this with a Super Effective move and not Tackle, huh?” >_>;

“I’m sure you are, but you’re still hitting a psychic pokémon with a dark attack,” Teresa said. “Now bite him again.”

Syr: “I’m sorry, but he literally just-”
:uhhh:

Teresa: “Oi, I don’t have all day for this, Arbok! Just Bite him already!”
:REElithe:


Syr opened his mouth… but then closed it. His brows were drawn together with worry.

“He’ll suppress it this time. You ought to be fine,” Teresa assured him.

bender-laughing.gif


Syr hesitated for another moment, then gave a quick nod and approached the wobbuffet again. He stopped in front of him, then gave one of his hands a very weak little nibble, with a negligible amount of dark energy accompanying the attack.

“You’ll have to do better than that,” Esaax said.

Syr bit him harder. Barely harder.

inb4 this turns out to go through a few cycles of this before Syr just snaps and goes all out.

“That one didn’t really count, either.”

“Do it, Syr,” Teresa said rather sternly.

“Okay, okay!” In his haste, Syr’s jaws snapped shut on their target with full force. Esaax cried out, and the sound echoed in the room for several seconds. The arbok quickly let go of him and cringed, but there was no orange flash and no painful retaliation.

Wow, it actually worked out, for Syr. I wasn’t expecting that one.

There was, however, an irregular semicircle of deep punctures around Esaax’s chest and left shoulder. The wobbuffet panted as he stared, quite astonished, at the wounds. Syr stared at the damage as well, looking equally surprised and deeply apologetic.

Syr: “Esaax, I just want to emphasize that I wanted to do Tackle here and it was the nurse’s idea to do Bite.”
:ohnowen:


Teresa managed a proud smile at Esaax. “Congratulations,” she said. “If your tail can resist that, it can probably resist anything.” Her frown swiftly returned as she watched the rivulets of cobalt-colored blood now seeping from Esaax’s wounds. “Looks like your prize for passing the test is going to be a healthy dose of hyper potion…”

Oh, so Wobbuffet bleed blue in this setting, huh? I guess that’d explain a few things about their coloration. Though hyper potions, huh? I suppose I should be less surprised given that the Pokémon in this setting apparently still have cars that they still use on a daily basis.

Chapter 3

Esaax’s wounds were cleaned and repaired, leaving only a faint series of scars where the stronger bite had connected and nothing at all of his lesser injuries. Soon afterward, Teresa informed him that Adn was ready for him. Esaax told Syr to find somewhere comfortable to wait, then headed for Adn’s office. With a deep, steadying breath, he walked in of his own accord where once he’d have had to be pushed.

Oh, so medical treatment usually can’t pull off a “clean” fix of wounds. Wonder if that’s something that the Pokéball-based machines would’ve been able to do prior to the Dehumaning in the past, or if they’d have similar limitations to these.

Behind that door stood a blue-haired gardevoir, who served as the Haven’s psychic regression therapist. His method was to make patients relive various moments in their pasts and gauge their present states of mind by their conscious and subconscious emotional reactions to their induced recollections. Despite the marathon session that he was reported to have just endured, he still looked as far from exhaustion as one could possibly be.

Ohai, Shiny Gardevoir. Though I think that I have an emote of his face right about now:

:gardexhausted:


As always, not a word was spoken and no signal was made as Adn and his patient took their places. The scene of the office blurred and warped, swiftly replaced by very different surroundings. Once again, Esaax found himself thrust into a perfectly vivid replica of a scene from his memory. Now standing in this bygone time and place like a tourist in his own past, his regression began…

Given that Adn didn’t exactly seem to be running at full strength, I’m not really sure how good of an idea this was. Though then again, maybe Adn’s just used to this sort of stuff. ^^;

Esaax was born fifty-four years ago to the Evergray clan of the caves south of Blackthorn. His childhood was quiet and uneventful; not much changed from night to night until Esaax reached his mid-thirties. It was there and then, at the dawn of his adult life, that one evening brought something new—something that would alter the course of his life forever.

Oh, so the Dehumaning happened something within 44 years prior to the events of TOoS, huh? That’s actually gotten me curious as to how much of the technology they’re using is actually still freshly made or just scavenged and trucking along until it winds up wearing out / getting depleted. I’m assuming it’s freshly made, buuuut…

From faraway Hoenn, a nomadic branch of a clan called the Fade somehow journeyed across the sea and into Evergray territory. The foreigners were readily welcomed and allowed to stay as honorary members of the community while in the area.

This was thanks to the Johto Safari Zone, wasn’t it?

Among the visitors was a wobbuffet by the name of Ntairow. She and Esaax began spending time together and soon bonded, first as friends, then as lovers.

… Oh yeah, the mention of Ntairow in past tense is totally a good sign for what wound up happening to her.
:copyka2~1:


Then, only a few months after arriving, the Fade moved on. Though Ntairow demanded to stay, and Esaax offered up his own pleas for her to remain with the Evergray clan, the elders of the Fade wouldn’t allow it. Ntairow was forced to depart with the rest of her clan, held and carried away in the arms of her people, leaving Esaax behind.

:sadwott~2:


Yeah, I knew that something bad would wind up happening between the two. Just wasn’t expecting it to come this soon.

Esaax refused to accept this. He left the caves and tried to follow the Fade through the mountains, but he failed to catch up with them. The nomads were relatively swift, hardy, and used to traveling, whereas Esaax was out of shape. He collapsed there on the mountain trail under his very first sunrise.

Oh, and this is the story of how Esaax came into Haven, huh?

He lay there for hours, breathless, heartsick, hungry, sunburned, and alone. Then some peculiar creatures came up the mountain trail and discovered him. They were humans, and they’d come in search of unusual and uncommon pokémon to give away as prizes at the Goldenrod Game Corner. Drained as he was, Esaax could do nothing to resist the red beam that pulled him into a very strange state of not-quite-being.

:copyber:


I’m surprised that Esaax has nostalgia for the world-that-was considering that that happened to him.

Week after week went by, spent largely in the confines of what the humans called a “poké ball”. He was let out only to be fed, and the portions given to him were much too small and too infrequent for his liking. As time passed, he began to lose hope of ever finding Ntairow again. Learning that he was the first and only wobbuffet acquired thus far by the Game Corner, with a price in game tokens no one was likely to win, made him all the more certain he wouldn’t.

He never did catch up with Ntairow, or else if he did, she moved on from him, didn’t she?

Then one day, quite literally against the odds, a man from Palmpona cashed in enough tokens to take him home. Esaax was more than a little surprised to materialize not in the Game Corner’s back room but rather in the midst of a birthday party as a present for the man’s son, Benny.

So on a scale of 1 to 10, how
:judgement~1:
was Esaax’s face at that birthday party?

Now in the hands of different humans, Esaax lived a very different life. Benny liked his new pokémon a great deal, and a strong friendship between the two formed quickly. Wherever the human boy went, Esaax went with him, and Esaax never had to go back into the poké ball once he’d made it clear that he disliked it.

Oh, so that’s how Esaax wound up developing nostalgia for the world-that-was, even if I kinda suspect that Ntairow was always the dark cloud lingering over this in the background even if there came a point where Esaax gave up and moved on from her.

Esaax lived this way for three years, and he loved it. He would’ve liked things to remain just as they were forever. But in Palmpona, it was inevitable for every pokémon to ultimately become fodder for the town’s trading obsession. Though Esaax didn’t understand Benny’s desire to trade him, he agreed to respect the young human’s wishes, allowing himself to be put up for trade out of gratitude for the kindness Benny had shown him.

I see Pokémon didn’t exactly have a ton of agency back when humans walked the earth. Since I’m pretty sure that Esaax’s next trainer is going to be a hard downgrade from Benny. .-.

As it so happened, the year Esaax was involved in the trade expo was the first year in its history in which things went awry. Thus it was that he accidentally became a member of Team Rocket. His partners consisted of two humans and four pokémon, one of the latter of which was able to speak the humans’ language. Though the Team Rocket way of existence was riddled with misadventures, Esaax came to find it amusing in a strange way. Fun, even.

violet-spit-water-the-incredibles2.gif


Wait a minute, Esaax is that Wobbuffet? I’ll admit that I never saw that one coming.

Esaax’s new owner, Jessie, didn’t really understand much of anything about him, though—not his language, his needs, or his proper use in battle. She also failed to understand his feelings about being kept in a poké ball, but by that time he’d learned how to break out of one, much to her vexation.

Boy does that cast a dark light on those ‘Wobbuffet breaks out of his Pokéball’ gags from the anime.
:copyka2~1:


While in her possession, the problems with his tail first began to rear their heads. One day found him going into autoempathic crisis and very nearly dying from it. Nearly losing him awakened a much greater appreciation for him in Jessie, and she soon became the best human friend that he’d ever had.

Wait, did something like this actually happen in an anime episode? Or is this an event invented for TOoS’ chronology?

Unfortunately, not long after they’d finally connected in earnest, the world changed for pokémon—and ended for humans. A plague of fatal sleep mysteriously struck the entire human population all over the globe, bringing extinction to the species in just a matter of hours.

:copyber:


Oh, so that’s how humans just dropped off from the face of the planet. So wait, does that mean that Syr is Jessie’s Arbok, then?

With Jessie gone and something of himself lost with her, Esaax fled the scene of her demise and wandered for days in shock. Sometime later, once his spirit had begun to mend itself, he began seeking out old friends, hoping they’d provide a foundation on which to rebuild his life. In particular, he sought his pokémon partners from Team Rocket. Ultimately, his quest yielded six no-shows, one rejection, and one successful reunion. That reunion was very promising in the beginning, but ultimately led to tragedy.

Oh, so Syr really is Jessie’s Arbok. Even if I wonder what became of all these other partners he sought out (and it makes me wonder when season-wise these events occurred).

That was the last straw—Esaax’s stability was dealt the killing blow. Once again, he tried to run from his sorrow. Eventually, he found himself in the city of Convergence. It had once been a fully-integrated community, in which pokémon had lived, worked, and learned in many of the same ways the humans did. Following the Extinction, many of the pokémon there continued to live the lifestyles the humans had taught them, perhaps as an act of remembrance.

And also social stability, since if Pokémon take after some of their game Pokédex lore in this continuity, that sounds like a recipe for things rapidly becoming dog-eat-dog in dynamic without some sort of agreement to “stick to what was working for us”.
:fearfullaugh~1:


But Esaax had no more luck in finding serenity there than he’d had in any of the other places he’d searched. He fell into a spiral of sickness and despair that finally culminated with him trying to provoke a mightyena into killing him. She instead took pity on Esaax, delivering him to the Haven and thus to salvation…

A little surprised that Esaax would’ve attempted such a roundabout suicide method instead of just jumping off a bridge, but I suppose the mental wiring of Wobbuffet might be such that that would be a reflexive choice for a route to try.

With a quick yet gentle severing of mental connections, the session ended. It was still hard to believe that over half of a century could be compressed into less than five minutes. As far as Esaax was concerned, though, how it was possible wasn’t important. It was what it determined that mattered.

Adn: “I mean, we went over things at a really high level, so there might have been a few details that got lost in the mix.”
:gardeshrug~1:

Esaax: “A few.”
:judgement~1:


Usually, Adn would dismiss Esaax with a simple, psychic signal, not saying a single word. This time, much to Esaax’s surprise, was different.

“I see that the sorrows of your past can still evoke pain in you, Esaax,” the gardevoir said.

Esaax: “Yes, and? Are they not supposed to?” :|

Esaax pondered that for a moment. Then he wilted. “You mean I failed the test?”

That is one really messed-up test if so.
:grohno~1:


Adn burst into laughter so suddenly and unexpectedly that Esaax flinched.

No, no!” the gardevoir said warmly. “You’ve passed! If the memories of your grief and despair hadn’t hurt, then you would have failed. You ache where it is appropriate, and you rejoice where that is appropriate. For you, that’s what’s healthy. Numbness is not.”

Oh thank goodness, I was starting to get worried there.
:sweats:


“…So I can go, then?”

“Yes, you certainly may,” the gardevoir said, smiling proudly. “Farewell, and good luck to you!”

Esaax: “Thank goodness, can’t wait to get out of this dump and away from Madeline.” >_>;

The time to return to the world at large had finally come. As Esaax stood before the exit next to Syr, he bade farewell to the people who’d taken such good care of him. Teresa made him smile, Madeline made him feel slightly ill, and a skiploom he didn’t even know just baffled him by doing something very rude with her tiny arms (which Esaax didn’t realize wasn’t intended for him). Adn was absent, apparently already engrossed in another session, but he sent his kind regards with Teresa.

>this hospital farewell

Honestly, if you ever get back into writing one day, you ought to write some stuff about what Esaax’s time here was like, since I can tell from that Skiploom that it was quite something.
:hoodLUL:


On the verge of tears, yet beaming like the sun, Esaax thanked everyone for their support and waved one last goodbye. Then he passed through the doors as they opened, emerging into the outside world for what felt like the first time in eons.

Esaax: “Whelp, here goes nothing…”

Well, I wasn’t expecting things to wind up going in that direction, but those were a fun couple of chapters. I take it that this is the point of the story where things really start kicking off since Esaax is getting out into the world, we’ve gotten his and the world’s backstory laid bare, and some initial direction of where to go next.

To your credit, I think that you delivered on the premise of “what do things look like from the other side of someone who’s a supporting character that’s normally a punchline, but in a radically different world” pretty well, and you do a good job of getting us to root for Esaax while making sure that he doesn’t come off as “human” in perspective. I honestly am not really sure how to describe the tone of this story, since it’s at once funny like the sequence about Jen driving a car, got moments that are downright [tearycabot] like Esaax’s life recall of how he came to live among humans, and others that start out one way and then become something else after you stop and think of them like the reveal that Esaax’s condition stems from his tail getting stepped on (presumably by Jessie from Syr’s thoughts). It’s a very unique vibe that at once doesn’t take itself too seriously while not shying away from darker topics that isn’t super common in the fandom.

As for criticisms… I don’t have too much to harp on other than that there were a couple parts that would’ve been a bit easier to “visualize” if they were written out with a bit more description, especially to show character reactions or internal thoughts. There were also a couple paragraphs that felt like they were very long in presentation, to the point where they likely would’ve flowed better as two or more smaller ones. But at the same time, I don’t think they detracted too much from the experience since I was too busy getting into the story to really notice them more than briefly.

Good work @Sike Saner , and I’m really glad I was able to come back to this story before that offsite review event ended. I’ll be looking forward to coming back for more at some time in the future. ^^
 
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