The Pokemon Dragon Hunter part 1

[pokemon rulez!!!!!]

The Pokemon Dragon Hunter part 1 [PG 13]

In the world of Pokemon many legends are first thought up and proven my small but promissing evidence. Then sometime in the future a real incounter or sighting by a smart or good source. This happened with the Rayquaza myth,then in the year 2003 the Hubble Teloscope captures a picture of the creature.The operater at that time at night with was about 2:00 AM. Silver was the man watching the random night skys. Then he sees a green flace across the sky. Silver slowed down the recording frame-by-frame. Then he sees the Rayquaza told in myths from the stone age when cave men deplicted the creature in a crude wall painting. A story like this is about to unfold.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the city of Celadon in Kanto a young boy at the age of ten whom does studies on the Dragon type pokemon so he knows a great deal about them in many ways. He is ready to begin his journey is a pokemon master,or atleast just a trainer. His name is Nyck Corsa. "Nycky honey,time to get up to catch your train to Pallet to get his starter from Prof.Oak," says Kristen Corsa,Nyck's mom. Nyck comes running down the steps. He grabs a Pop-Tart and dashes out the door. "I will call you n my cell phone if I got any service on my sucky a** phone!" he tells his mom. "What did you say Nyck,get back here NOW!!!!" Kristen yells at him forcefully.
He runs out of his house and down the street to the train station. As he is about to cross the tracks to get to the platform.As he runs on the track the lights start blinking and he bars alight to the road. What the fudge is this about I don't see no train as he looks down one side." Nyck proclaims."Brouughhhh" the train's very loud horn sounds. Nyck yells curses some words you can't really comprehend and jumps over the bars that are flashing but lands right on his butt VERY hard. The large frieght train rolls past at a somewhat slow but a normal pace.The locomotive says Pewter City Mining and Company. The train is towing about twenty some coal cars packed with coal and one flatbed car with a abnormally large diamond like thingy on that car. Then out of nowhere several lightning bolts of some sort of energy souce hits the main loco and then spreads thoughout the whole train.The lightning turns red and the whole train,cars and everything lift off the tracks and begins hovering over the tracks. The bars go up but the train is still in the air. Everybody,pokemon including start running away."If I want to become a pokemon master I must stay here and hold my ground even without a starter or anything." Nyck proclaims.
The coal from the cars and the cars form into a large halk of a body with a half of a torso and a fore-leg and a back leg. The same thing occurs with the remaining cars and coal forms the same thing. The loco lifts up and slabs on the rest of the formed body. The crossing signs lift up from beside Nyck and form into a tail and slabs on the body aswell. Some of the front and some of the rear of the locomotive. Then the lightning hit the creature and some sort-of white pillers come out of some random spots in the body. The creature turns blue and the pillers turn white. The part of the loco that was shredded off turned a red neon like glow. The creature lifts it head up high and roars and very loud growl. The diamond then lifts up and is placed on it's chest." Oh my frickin' god,what is that thing?!?!?!!"Nyck proclaims.A cop car pulls up onto the sceen."Officer? What is that damn thing?" Nyck proclaims.
"That is a Diaruga,for told in legends from the far away land of Shinno along with the other 2 in the myth that hasn't been discovered are Pariuka and Garahan."states the Celadon officer.
"Do you have any pokemon on you officer because I don't." asked Nyck.
"No I donnnnn'tttttt",the Diaruga absorbs the officer into it's large diamond. Nyck ran along the train tracks till he saw a sleeping Munchlax near the tracks down the hill by a lake behind the famous Celadon Mall. He threw his only pokemon that his mom gave him to remember her on his journey. He caught the Munchlax very luckly. He ran back up to the crossing and threw the pokeball containing the Munchlax. Go Munchlax use......tackle I guess." Nyck commaned. The Munchlax walked off to a moldy peace of bread and ate it. It then went to sleep by the lake again. "God,I'm so frickin' screwed now." Nyck says to himself. The Diaruga lifts it head then the neon like part of it's face lite up and flashed into the air. Then a loud sound was emiting from the sky. Nyck looked up and to his dissmay a large meteor was flying to the planet."Holy ****,a frickin' meteor is about to hit!" he hollered as he was looking to the sky. Diaruga was with a smercky smile on it's face. The meteor got so close Nyck was sweating badly. The meteor hit the Earth................Nyck was dead along with everybody and every pokemon on Earth becuase the inpact in Kanto which hit around the Seafoam Islands area was so large when it hit the Earth crumbled to very small particals that is floating threw space.
The End.....or is it?


Rate and disscus this and tell me if you crave part 2 yet.

 

[Yami Ryu]

Not bothering killing my eyes. If you write like that you seriously NEED TO READ THE RULES AND;

THE BASICS

-----------------------------------------------------------------

As I have read the various works posted on this board, I have noticed many of the same problems over and over. Here are some general guidelines to follow when writing your fics:

1) Proper Use of the Keyboard.
There are several useful keys on the keyboard:

Enter/Return: This is one of the most useful keys. Use it whenever you have finished with one idea and are ready to move on to the next paragraph. Use it when one person has finished speaking, and another is about to start. When doing so, hit it twice, to produce a blank line between paragraphs. This makes it a lot easier for your readers to tell where your paragraphs start and end. Large blocks of uninterrupted text are hard to read.

Shift: Another important key. Hold it down when typing the first letter of a sentence, the first letter of a name, or the letter 'I' when using it as the first person singular subject pronoun.

Caps Lock: Often used as a substitute for the 'Shift' key. Don't do it. Text should not be in all capital letters unless someone is SHOUTING!

The Spacebar: Hit it once after every word or comma, twice after a period.

Tab: Unfortunately, this does not work to indent paragraphs on these boards. This is why a blank line between paragraphs is essential.

Other Keys: Your keyboard, unless it is defective, comes with a full complement of letters. Don't be afraid to use them. There is no reason to type 'u' instead of 'you', or indeed to use any abbreviation you learned in a chat room. There is no penalty for taking a few seconds longer to type complete words.

--------------------------------

2) Tips on Composition.

Paragraphs: Use these as your basic unit of composition. Each paragraph should be used to set forth a single idea. If a paragraph seems to long, it probably contains multiple ideas, and should be split up for clarity. If it seems too short, expand on the idea.

Sentences: A sentence should contain exactly one action or statement of existence. If it contains more than one, split it into two or more. If it contains less than one, finish the sentence. Run-on sentences are often confusing, while fragments make the reader feel that something is missing.

Description: Make sure that your reader can visualize what is happening. Don't just say something like "Joe walked along enjoying the scenery". This gives no indication of whether the scenery he is enjoying is a redwood forest, a beach at sunset, or the Grand Canyon.

A description is not just a list of attributes. When describing a character, don't just list their name, age, height, weight, hair colour, and current pokemon team. Bring this information out gradually when the person appears in a story.

Don't have Joe meet a trainer named Fred who is 12 years old, has green eyes and red hair, is three and a half feet tall, and whose pokemon are squirtle, pikachu, butterfree, grimer, tauros, and krabby. Have Joe see a short, red-haired kid with startlingly green eyes, and talk to him. Have names mentioned early in the conversation. The pokemon may be either revealed in a battle, or introduced individually during the conversation.

-------------------------------

3) Other General Advice

Plot: Try to be original. "Joe is 10 (or 11 or 12) years old and about to start his pokemon journey. He goes to Professor (insert tree here) and gets a (insert pokemon here)" has been done too many times already. "Joe is a 10-year-old from Pallet Town and about to start his pokemon journey. He accidentally sleeps in, and by the time he gets to Professor Oak's lab, all the starters have been taken, so he gets a Pikachu" is so old everyone is sick of it.

Try to be reasonable. A new trainer is not going to start with a legendary, or even rare, pokemon. The standard starter pokemon were selected for a reason: They are easy for professors to obtain whenever new trainers are about to start, they can be controlled by beginners, and with proper training, they can become quite powerful.

Likewise, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to catch any of the legendary pokemon. They are simply too powerful. If you have seen either of the movies, think about it. Mew or Mewtwo can deflect any attack you try with minimal effort.

Consider the scene in The Power of One where Ash's Pikachu (which has been known to defeat rock and ground types) meets Zapdos. Compare their relative power levels. Now think about how hard it would be to defeat Zapdos. This can be applied to any of the legendary pokemon. No trainer will have one unless it has a good reason to want to accompany that trainer.

Characters: Make your characters real. Give them strengths and weaknesses. Inherently superior trainers who win each battle effortlessly are boring. So are incompetent members of Team Rocket. So is the gym-leader-who-can't-stand-being-defeated. The stock "Rival" character is also getting old.

Whatever you do, don't just refer to people by labels from the GameBoy games (Rocket, Cooltrainer, Lass, Bug Catcher, etc). Remember that these are real people you are working with.

Spelling/Grammar: Write your story in a word-processing program. Use the spellchecker, but don't depend on it completely. It can tell whether your word matches the spelling of a real word, but it cannot tell whether it is the word you wanted to use.

Use grammar checkers with extreme care. They cannot actually understand what you are saying, and often make mistakes.

--------------------------------

4) My Personal Advice:

Note that the contents of this section reflect my personal preferences. Other good writers may disagree with me.

Battles: I generally dislike sentences of the form "(pokemon species) used (name of attack)". You are describing what the pokemon does. In a real-world battle, the pokemon would not "use Bite on" its opponent; it would "bite" its opponent. There are, however, exceptions to this. If there is no verb for the action, go ahead and say "Bulbasaur used Leech Seed". Still, try to avoid "used (name of attack)". Better options would be "fired a hyperbeam at (enemy)", "hit (enemy) with (attack)", etc.

Additionally; the GameBoy battle format makes no sense in the context of a real battle. A pokemon in a real battle would not just attack, then stand there waiting for its opponent to attack. In a real battle, you would have no time to go in and administer a potion or antidote to your pokemon. Watch the TV show for a reasonable depiction of what battles would be like.

GameBoy Terminology in general: Try to avoid it. In the real world, referring to something as "Level 17" is meaningless. Pokemon have varying levels of power and experience, but don't just summarize all of this with a single number. In the world of your fanfic, pokemon are real, living creatures. They are individuals. They have their own strengths, weaknesses, and skills.

The only thing worse than referring to "levels" is referring to "hit points", "power points", or any of the "statistics" (attack, defence, "special defence", etc). Avoid use of these terms at all costs.

-Original text by Murgatroyd

 

[Zephyr Soul]

...well, you have a good idea, but bad writing. -.- Or nonexistent. I can't tell.

In the world of Pokemon many legends are first thought up and proven my small but promissing evidence.Then sometime in the future a real incounter or sighting by a smart or good source.This happened with the Rayquaza myth,then in the year 2003 the Hubble Teloscope captures a picture of it.A story somewhat like this is about to occur.

Again, good idea, but bad writing. Instead of just listing the events, write where someone is witnessing the events. Also, there are some typos you need to check...

In the city of Celadon in Kanto a young boy at the age of ten whom does studies on the Dragon type pokemon so he knows a great deal about them in many ways.He is ready to begin his journey is a pokemon master,or atleast just a trainer.His name is Nyck Corsa."Nycky honey,time to get up to catch your train to Pallet to get his starter from Prof.Oak."says Kristen Corsa,Nyck's mom.Nyck comes running down the steps.He grabs a Pop-Tart and dashes out the door."I will call you n my cell phone if I got any service on my sucky a** phone"he tells his mom."What did you say!!!!"Kristen yells at him forcefully.He runs out of his house and down the street to the train station.

...first of all, there's something called 'space bar after a period'. And also 'paragraph'. You need to learn both of these. -.-

He has a strange spelling of his name... are you sure it's not Nick? Just saying that, it's alright if it's spelled that way. His mother suddenly breaks into speech after you introduce his name. She seems perfectly fine with her child going away on a journey for a long time, without even saying goodbye. Also, why would he curse in front of his mother? If you're trying to be funny, I didn't even smile...

As he is about to cross the tracks to get to the platform.As he runs on the track the lights start blinking and he bars alight to the road. What the fudge is this about I don't see no train as he looks down one side."Nyck proclaims."Brouughhhh" the train's very loud horn sounds.Nyck yells curses some words you can't really comprehend and jumps over the bars that are flashing but lands right on his butt.

Again, not funny. Instead of having the train's sound, you could just say it blared its' horn. Sounds much better.

You messed up on the first two sentences... I think it's rather discouraged to start two sentences in a row with the same word. Besides, the 'as' in the first sentence isn't necessary, though you need to change the sentence anyway.

The large frieght train rolls past at a somewhat slow but a normal pace.The locomotive says Pewter Mining and Company.The train is towing about 20 some coal cars packed with coal and one flatbed car with a abnormally large diamond like thing on that car.Then out of nowhere several lightning bolts of some energy souce hits the main loco and then spreads thoughout the whole train.The lightning turns red and the whole train,cars and everything lift off the tracks and begins floting.The bars go up but the train is still in the air.Everybody,pokemon including start running away.

That would be a mice description if the writing wasn't so bad. By the way, except in certain instances, don't ever have a number in your writing. It stands out, and just looks bad.

The lightning bolts sound cool... except for the bad writing.

"If I want to become a pokemon master I must stay here and hold my ground even without a starter or anything." Nyck proclaims.

Oh, now he has a deathwish. I mean, honestly, the possibility of death is rather high... even if it's an accident. Anything with that kind of power is pretty deadly.

The coal from the cars and the cars form into a large halk of a body with a half of a torso and a fore-leg and a back leg.The same thing occurs with the remaining cars and coal forms the same thing.The loco lifts up and slabs on the rest of the formed body.The crossing signs lift up from beside Nyck and form into a tail and slabs on the body aswell.Some of the front and some of the rear of the locomotive.Then the lightning hit the creature and some sort-of white pillers come out of some random spots in the body.The creature turns blue and the pillers turn white.The part of the loco that was shredded off turned a red neon like glow.The creature lifts it head up high and roars and very loud growl.The diamond then lifts up and is placed on it's chest."Oh my frickin' god,what is that thing?!?!?!!"Nyck proclaims.A cop car."Officer,what is that damn thing?"Nyck proclaims
"That is a Diaruga,for told in legends from the far away land of Shinno along with the other 2 in the myth that hasn't been discovered are Pariuka and Garahan." states the Celadon officer.

Oh, so you DO know how to paragraph. Wow.

Anyway, I think that the description/ forming of Diaruga is maybe the best writing you have in this... even though you didn't describe him very well.

He really needs to stop cussing about everything.

Do you have any pokemon on you officer because I don't." asked Nyck.
"No I donnnnn'tttttt",the Diaruga absorbs the officer into it's large diamond.

Proof of what I said earlier about the deathwish.

Nyck ran along the train tracks till he saw a sleeping Bagon near the tracks down the hill by a lake behind the famous Celadon Mall.He threw his only pokemon that his mom gave him to remember him on his journey.He caught the Bagon.He ran back up to the crossing and threw the pokeball containing Bagon,but it wasn't a Bagon it was a Shelgon.It evovled during the capture Nyck thought to himself."Wow,it evovled to a Shelgon,I always wanted one of those for a while.Go Shelgon use flamethrower."Nyck commaned.The flames hit Diaruga and some pure steel melted off Diaruga and burned threw the tracks below the large creature.

Oh, wow. Trainer Finds Perfect Pokemon That Mysteriously Damages Powerful Pokemon After Evolving Early. I've NEVER read anything like that before.

He just caught the Bagon/ Shelgon. One, he shouldn't have. The Bagon/ Shelgon would've broken out without even trying. Two, there is NO WAY that the Bagon/ Shelgon would've instantly decided "Oh, I'm going to obey Trainer because he caught me while I was sitting there doing nothing whatsoever". The Bagon/ Shelgon would've turned around and used Flamethrower on the Trainer for disturbing them from their nap. Or whatever they were doing.

Then a loud sound was emiting from the sky.Nyck looked up and to his dissmay a large meteor was flying to the planet."Holy ****,a frickin' meteor is about to hit!" he hollered as he was looking to the sky. Diaruga was looking in dissmay aswell.The meteor got so close Nyck was sweating badly.The meteor hit the earth................Nyck was dead along with everybody and every pokemon on Earth becuase the inpact in Kanto which hit around the Seafoam Islands area was so large when it hit the Earth crumbled to very small particals that is floating threw space.
The End.....or is it?

Yay, the idiot trainer is apparently dead. Good riddance. Another undevoloped character gone. And apparently only three people are dead, for there are only three people in existance.

It seems only fitting that his last setence would contain a curse word in it.

Rate and disscus this and tell me if you crave part 2 yet.

More like I'm dreading it.


Well, simply put, you need to give your 'story' a total rewrite. First of all, GET A SPELLCHECK. I can barely read for all the typos.

And, also, PLEASE listen to what me and Yami Ryu are saying. Of course, chances are that you'll take it as flaming or something. It's more like ard critism, really... and it's 'mean' because it's EXTREMELY annoying to give the same advice over and over, while the majority of people who are given the advice don't pay any attention to it. :/

EDIT: Sorry, the page wouldn't load to tell me that I posted. I was forced to keep trying to post. :/

 

[Psychic Umbreon]

Zephyr Soul, you may not know this, but you triple posted.

 

[Kaiserin]

Zephyr Soul, you may not know this, but you triple posted.

Lulz, stop minimodding.

 

[pokemon rulez!!!!!]

...well, you have a good idea, but bad writing. -.- Or nonexistent. I can't tell.



Again, good idea, but bad writing. Instead of just listing the events, write where someone is witnessing the events. Also, there are some typos you need to check...



...first of all, there's something called 'space bar after a period'. And also 'paragraph'. You need to learn both of these. -.-

He has a strange spelling of his name... are you sure it's not Nick? Just saying that, it's alright if it's spelled that way. His mother suddenly breaks into speech after you introduce his name. She seems perfectly fine with her child going away on a journey for a long time, without even saying goodbye. Also, why would he curse in front of his mother? If you're trying to be funny, I didn't even smile...



Again, not funny. Instead of having the train's sound, you could just say it blared its' horn. Sounds much better.

You messed up on the first two sentences... I think it's rather discouraged to start two sentences in a row with the same word. Besides, the 'as' in the first sentence isn't necessary, though you need to change the sentence anyway.



That would be a mice description if the writing wasn't so bad. By the way, except in certain instances, don't ever have a number in your writing. It stands out, and just looks bad.

The lightning bolts sound cool... except for the bad writing.



Oh, now he has a deathwish. I mean, honestly, the possibility of death is rather high... even if it's an accident. Anything with that kind of power is pretty deadly.



Oh, so you DO know how to paragraph. Wow.

Anyway, I think that the description/ forming of Diaruga is maybe the best writing you have in this... even though you didn't describe him very well.

He really needs to stop cussing about everything.



Proof of what I said earlier about the deathwish.



Oh, wow. Trainer Finds Perfect Pokemon That Mysteriously Damages Powerful Pokemon After Evolving Early. I've NEVER read anything like that before.

He just caught the Bagon/ Shelgon. One, he shouldn't have. The Bagon/ Shelgon would've broken out without even trying. Two, there is NO WAY that the Bagon/ Shelgon would've instantly decided "Oh, I'm going to obey Trainer because he caught me while I was sitting there doing nothing whatsoever". The Bagon/ Shelgon would've turned around and used Flamethrower on the Trainer for disturbing them from their nap. Or whatever they were doing.



Yay, the idiot trainer is apparently dead. Good riddance. Another undevoloped character gone. And apparently only three people are dead, for there are only three people in existance.

It seems only fitting that his last setence would contain a curse word in it.



More like I'm dreading it.


Well, simply put, you need to give your 'story' a total rewrite. First of all, GET A SPELLCHECK. I can barely read for all the typos.

And, also, PLEASE listen to what me and Yami Ryu are saying. Of course, chances are that you'll take it as flaming or something. It's more like ard critism, really... and it's 'mean' because it's EXTREMELY annoying to give the same advice over and over, while the majority of people who are given the advice don't pay any attention to it. :/

EDIT: Sorry, the page wouldn't load to tell me that I posted. I was forced to keep trying to post. :/

Thanks for the infomation.It won't end because Granhan is the pokemon that doesn't live in the mortal world[goast world...]

 

[Munchlax3000]

that;s it, 1 chapter and it starts like ur running while writing, tisk tisk, i can do better than that and i can't even get my thoughts out on paper...

 

[Yami Ryu]

CoughYeah rightCough

You aren't any better Munchlax :/

Thanks for the infomation.It won't end because Granhan is the pokemon that doesn't live in the mortal world[goast world...]

>_> one would think you'd actually respond to said information. And already have started to correct it, like in your post. You know, SPACES. :/ go and actually read what we posted, and read the Advice thread, and the rules. Because if you don't, and you try to remain blissfully unaware of your faults, or the rules, or just don't try to improve, you will have a closed thread.

 

[pokemon rulez!!!!!]

In the world of Pokemon many legends are first thought up and proven my small but promissing evidence. Then sometime in the future a real incounter or sighting by a smart or good source. This happened with the Rayquaza myth,then in the year 2003 the Hubble Teloscope captures a picture of the creature.The operater at that time at night with was about 2:00 AM. Silver was the man watching the random night skys. Then he sees a green flace across the sky. Silver slowed down the recording frame-by-frame. Then he sees the Rayquaza told in myths from the stone age when cave men deplicted the creature in a crude wall painting. A story like this is about to unfold.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the city of Celadon in Kanto a young boy at the age of ten whom does studies on the Dragon type pokemon so he knows a great deal about them in many ways. He is ready to begin his journey is a pokemon master,or atleast just a trainer. His name is Nyck Corsa. "Nycky honey,time to get up to catch your train to Pallet to get his starter from Prof.Oak," says Kristen Corsa,Nyck's mom. Nyck comes running down the steps. He grabs a Pop-Tart and dashes out the door. "I will call you n my cell phone if I got any service on my sucky a** phone!" he tells his mom. "What did you say Nyck,get back here NOW!!!!" Kristen yells at him forcefully.
He runs out of his house and down the street to the train station. As he is about to cross the tracks to get to the platform.As he runs on the track the lights start blinking and he bars alight to the road. What the fudge is this about I don't see no train as he looks down one side." Nyck proclaims."Brouughhhh" the train's very loud horn sounds. Nyck yells curses some words you can't really comprehend and jumps over the bars that are flashing but lands right on his butt VERY hard. The large frieght train rolls past at a somewhat slow but a normal pace.The locomotive says Pewter City Mining and Company. The train is towing about twenty some coal cars packed with coal and one flatbed car with a abnormally large diamond like thingy on that car. Then out of nowhere several lightning bolts of some sort of energy souce hits the main loco and then spreads thoughout the whole train.The lightning turns red and the whole train,cars and everything lift off the tracks and begins hovering over the tracks. The bars go up but the train is still in the air. Everybody,pokemon including start running away."If I want to become a pokemon master I must stay here and hold my ground even without a starter or anything." Nyck proclaims.
The coal from the cars and the cars form into a large halk of a body with a half of a torso and a fore-leg and a back leg. The same thing occurs with the remaining cars and coal forms the same thing. The loco lifts up and slabs on the rest of the formed body. The crossing signs lift up from beside Nyck and form into a tail and slabs on the body aswell. Some of the front and some of the rear of the locomotive. Then the lightning hit the creature and some sort-of white pillers come out of some random spots in the body. The creature turns blue and the pillers turn white. The part of the loco that was shredded off turned a red neon like glow. The creature lifts it head up high and roars and very loud growl. The diamond then lifts up and is placed on it's chest." Oh my frickin' god,what is that thing?!?!?!!"Nyck proclaims.A cop car pulls up onto the sceen."Officer? What is that damn thing?" Nyck proclaims.
"That is a Diaruga,for told in legends from the far away land of Shinno along with the other 2 in the myth that hasn't been discovered are Pariuka and Garahan."states the Celadon officer.
"Do you have any pokemon on you officer because I don't." asked Nyck.
"No I donnnnn'tttttt",the Diaruga absorbs the officer into it's large diamond. Nyck ran along the train tracks till he saw a sleeping Munchlax near the tracks down the hill by a lake behind the famous Celadon Mall. He threw his only pokemon that his mom gave him to remember her on his journey. He caught the Munchlax very luckly. He ran back up to the crossing and threw the pokeball containing the Munchlax. Go Munchlax use......tackle I guess." Nyck commaned. The Munchlax walked off to a moldy peace of bread and ate it. It then went to sleep by the lake again. "God,I'm so frickin' screwed now." Nyck says to himself. The Diaruga lifts it head then the neon like part of it's face lite up and flashed into the air. Then a loud sound was emiting from the sky. Nyck looked up and to his dissmay a large meteor was flying to the planet."Holy ****,a frickin' meteor is about to hit!" he hollered as he was looking to the sky. Diaruga was with a smercky smile on it's face. The meteor got so close Nyck was sweating badly. The meteor hit the Earth................Nyck was dead along with everybody and every pokemon on Earth becuase the inpact in Kanto which hit around the Seafoam Islands area was so large when it hit the Earth crumbled to very small particals that is floating threw space.
The End.....or is it?


Rate and disscus this and tell me if you crave part 2 yet.

Ok,I have edited now,do you like it?

 

[Yami Ryu]

When I was contacted by this person, I thought he was joking. Seriously joking. But it seemed through a friend of a friend of a friend of mine, this guy had learned I was a good handler with animals of all sorts. Okay, don't get me wrong. I don't mind strange animals. I really don't. But you can't blame me when this guy all but conned me into coming to a zoo that had been abandoned evidently, and was in need of a good manager.

Right now though, I can only attempt to keep from strangeling him as I look at the sorry mess of a zoo I got myself attached to.

Animals were one thing.

Pokemon were a whole other world.

“How the hell did you get .. a .. a..” I pointed at the two large crates that were marked fire proof, and something .. growled in them. “What the hell are those anyways!?” I demanded, shrinking back slightly. The shady man grinned, “Got them off poachers smuggling them into America, how else? But kid, listen, if you don't want to-”

“I never said I didn't want too, I just want to know what the hell is in all the crates!” As I stood there, panting for breath after my scream, this guy still seemed to be nonchalant as he pulled out a red item and tossed it to me, I managed to catch it with reflex and luck.

“There, a pokedex. Don't break it now, that's mine kid,”

And he left me standing there dumbfounded, with the crates holding two somethings growling at me, and several more with hissing, squawking, or trilling. It took me a moment to realise the damn con artist was gone, and several more to get the red object to work. Finally I figured out I had to point it at the crates, and somehow, don't ask me how, the little red book like object knew what was in there, and flipped open in my hands. A picture flashed across a screen, wait several. Each was of a very, very big wolf-like creature with plumes of cream fur covering the head, parts of their legs near their feet, and a tail that seemed to be a giant fluff of the stuff. Stripes like tigers criss crossed all the backs and legs of the creatures in the pictures, and the final one showed the regal looking animal sitting proudly next to a human...

And it dwarfed the human. Even if it allowed me to see the chest had cream puff fur too.

I almost dropped the mechanical thing when it spoke in a basic, computerised voice. “Arcanine, the loyal dog pokemon. Arcanine are fire type canids that have developed the ability to use fire based attacks. Extremely fast and agile, Arcanine are also extremely loyal and fierce. Proude creatures, they only back down from a fight when the opponent is weaker, or has fled their territory.”

“…”

I looked up from the information holder, and to the first two crates.

Oh joy.

Stop spamming, and ignoring out advice. I've thrown advice for the thread you should be READING NOW or ALREADY HAVE READ at you in your first post, and Zephyr Soul was kind enough to try and help you further. My eyes hurt when I look at that chunk of text, and that tells me. No it is NOT better.

 

[Sammi]

Erm, s'cuse me, be you are SUPPOSED TO SPACE IT OUT.

SPACE

IT

OUT

.

Ya git it now?

It's like this...

"Blah." Blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah.

Yes. Shyes. I didn't evem bother reading it. IT HURTS MY INNOCENT EYES. MY. INNOCENT. EYES. I have eyes! You don't wanna read crap do you? Get better, try putting actual QUALITY in. READ THE STICKYS. READ THEM NOW BEFORE I EXPLODE! *Screams*

No description.. Bad spacing... No spacing not to mention.. Horrible paragraphin.... HOW BAD CAN THINSG GET!?!??!?!?!?!? *Screams louder* And, you have to put spaces after a , or a . or a ... or a ! or a ?

And you get the point. And .................... isn't that great looking. It looks like *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*. =D

And Sinno or Shinno should be Shinou or Sinnoh... Baka!

Oh god... So many rules breakers... Why? Oh dear god...

Edit: WHat the hell Munchlax3000... You can't do better. YOU DO WORSE LOLZORZ. I did better when I WAS EIGHT. I could space out tsk tsk!

 

[justice_pie]

i could barely read or understand anything that was going on with all those spelling mistakes, you should really spell check it before posting.
and there wasn't much of a description,that part where the lightning hits the train was the best part imo,if you would have explained it further,and really described it,that would have been pretty awesome.
and that bagon bit,a doon't understand it,
why is there a sleeping bagon in kanto?they live in hoenn,so,if it was in kanto,it's almost certian that it was another trainers,and,even if it was wild,then why would it decide "hmm,i think i'll go and have a nice kip over there in that city instead of the wild" surely,if a pokemon had a choice,it would wanna sleep in the wilderness.and i'm pretty sure it wouldn't instantly evolve when it got caught.

and then a meteor comes a long and smashes into the earth and destroys everything........ok then.imo,that made no sense what so ever,we only just got introduced to these characters,and then they get crushed to smithereens by a meteorite.

it was a tad on the short side too.maybe if you made it longer,better grammer,better discription,and less swaring in it,then it would be a great fic

 

[Sammi]

A tad... MORE LIKE A LOAD.

 

[bluwirz]

Yes. Shyes. I didn't evem bother reading it. IT HURTS MY INNOCENT EYES. MY. INNOCENT. EYES. I have eyes! You don't wanna read crap do you? Get better, try putting actual QUALITY in. READ THE STICKYS. READ THEM NOW BEFORE I EXPLODE! *Screams*

I just had to quote this. Its truely funny! XD

Now, Safyre is right description wise, but really, look at mine (banner below, please review).......I coulnd't describe an old shoe, let alone my characters!
Its interesting so far, has death (fics gotta have something dramatic or its not too good), and it has the potential to become better. Id say, just fix it up a bit, and move on.

-bluwirz ;026;