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The Quest for the Legends, now with its ILCOETH revision!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Dragonfree, Apr 26, 2004.

  1. Mastercougar

    Mastercougar The Infinite Fire

    Just thought I'd mention that I put all the chapters so far (including extras) into a file on microsoft word, and it came out to around 121 pages. Impressive!
     
  2. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    You included the ratings, I assume? Without them, it's 118 pages. Or well, that includes the page and a half of chapter fourteen I've written so far... speaking of which, the current title is "Thief and Victim", although it might change. Speculate at will.

    The old version was 211 pages and 100,078 words where I left off (chapter 36).
     
  3. Mastercougar

    Mastercougar The Infinite Fire

    Yes, I included the ratings. Theif and victim, eh? in that case, [spoil]I've got a good hunch what it's about from the old version. I won't reveal what happens, but I'll say that it answers a few questions. [/spoil]
     
  4. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Yay, the chapter. If you like:

    [spoil]- plot twists
    - interesting character backgrounds
    - 'good' guys doing something bad
    - 'bad' guys doing something good[/spoil]

    you're going to love this one. ;)



    -------
    RATING

    Violence: None

    Gore: None

    Sexuality: None

    Profanity: Just a "bloody".

    Other: Nothing special.
    -------




    Chapter 14: Thief and Victim

    Mark woke up feeling very refreshed. He scanned through his memory, but didn’t remember dreaming anything at all. Well, that was relieving. The ‘nightmare phase’ seemed to be over.

    “Had a good rest?”

    He jerked his head upwards to find Mitch was still sitting in the couch. Mark looked sleepily out of the window; judging from the bright sunshine, he had fallen asleep sometime in the night, despite having had some coke to keep him awake. Charmeleon stood on the coffee table, seemingly healthy, and while May was lying motionless on the sofa, her chest was rising and falling as it should.

    “Yeah, pretty good,” Mark said, stretching.

    “Any… dreams?” asked Mitch, suddenly looking into Mark’s eyes. The question had to be a coincidence, but the way Mitch looked at Mark gave it some more of a meaning.

    “No, not that I remember,” he mumbled, turning away.

    “Good…” Mitch said softly, also turning to look out of the window. Nobody said anything for a long time. Then finally, May’s eyes opened.

    She blinked a few times and sat up. “What place is this?” she asked confusedly, looking around.

    “You are in the Scorpio City Gym,” said Mitch. “The poison in your bloodstream has been neutralized, and your body will handle cleaning it up.”

    “Oh.” She paused, observing Mitch for a second. Then she turned to Mark.

    “What happened after we flew away on Skarmory?”

    “Well,” Mark began, taking a deep breath, “we flew over here, Skarmory crashed out of exhaustion, I recalled him for you and then Mitch, the Gym Leader, appeared out of nowhere and gave you a shot with some antidote.”

    “Oh,” May replied. After a few seconds, she turned back to Mitch. “Thanks.”

    “It’s my job,” said Mitch and smiled that faint smile again.

    “What time is it?” asked May, turning towards the window. Suddenly, she froze, and then pulled Mark’s sleeve.

    “Quilava!” she hissed, before suddenly dashing out through the door. Mark shot an apologetic glance at Mitch and then followed her.

    -------

    Taylor held his Blaziken Pokédex in his right hand, observing the Ouen map on the screen. Absent-mindedly, he sat down on a bench.

    He had teleported to Scorpio City the day before and taken on the Gym Leader. His brother, Rick, had lent him the prototype Abratwo to get there. Taylor would have loved to keep it – after all, it had been very impressive – but Rick had always been obsessed with only giving him the best of the best. That was sometimes nice, but often irritating because Taylor wasn’t as much of a perfectionist as his brother. He just wanted something decent, and would rather not wait ages to get something absolutely flawless.

    Then again, it didn’t matter now. He had just received the ultimate replacement.

    Taylor broke into a grin as he plucked his three Pokéballs off his Pokéball belt and placed them beside him. He picked up one of the two Clone Balls, looking at it. Clones were strong. His first clone, Pikatwo, contained in his other Clone Ball, had never lost a battle.

    Taylor sighed, shooting a quick glance at the normal Pokéball. He couldn’t help wondering if he should really have tricked that Quilava out of the girl. He had never even had the need to send it out. Which he was deep down thankful for, because he wasn’t sure Quilava would like him too much. After all, he had broken the Agreement by taking a Pokémon from its trainer without consulting it first – admittedly the girl hadn’t had anything against that either, but he didn’t want to risk getting scorched by Quilava’s Ember.

    Ah, well, now he had two clones. Maybe he’d never have to send it out of its ball.

    He smiled at the Clone Ball and attached it back to his belt, focusing on the Ouen map again.

    -------

    “What are you doing?” Mark yelled while trying to catch up with May.

    “Rick’s brother!” she hissed. “The guy with my Quilava! Taylor, you said he was called.”

    “What about him?” asked Mark confusedly.

    “I saw him, of course,” said May like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He sat down at that bench over there.”

    She pointed. At the end of the street they were running along, a boy with long, red hair was sitting on a bench, bent over something in his hands.

    “What are you going to do?” Mark asked, puzzled, as May crouched down behind some bushes near the sidewalk.

    “I’m going to get Quilava back, of course.”

    Mark watched in disbelief as she crawled towards the bench like a predator to its prey. Very slowly, she extended her hand, grabbed one of the Pokéballs beside the boy and then quickly withdrew it. Mark saw her crawling back towards him.

    “Whoa,” he said blankly. “You just went and stole it?”

    “It’s not stealing if she’s mine,” she said coldly.

    “Well, technically,” Mark commented, “you traded her away.”

    “But he tricked me into it,” she argued. “And Quilava never agreed.”

    “You weren’t exactly thinking about that when you traded, were you?”

    May’s eyes flashed. “She’s my Quilava! Professor Elm gave her to me! And I never agreed to trade her for some lousy level five lizard!”

    Mark felt like he had just received an Ice Punch, but just glared at her and breathed very fast.

    “Well, aren’t we going to battle Mitch?” May said, still in an angry voice. “Don’t know about you, but I’m going to get myself some Antidotes in case my Pokémon get poisoned.”

    Mark reluctantly followed her as she started walking firmly towards the Pokémon Market across the street.

    -------

    Taylor folded his Pokédex back together and clipped it to his belt, looking to his side. He started when he saw only his two Clone Balls there. He picked them up and attached them to his belt as he examined the sidewalk to see if his Pokéball was there. Seeing no traces of it, he looked up. Just a short distance away, he saw a familiar girl and a boy he had never seen before with her.

    He didn’t know exactly what had happened, but immediately got a pretty good idea of it. He watched the two enter the Pokémon Market, and an idea formed in his head.

    He grabbed his new Pokémon’s Clone Ball and smirked.

    -------

    Mark and May, after stocking up on things at the market, walked outside to be greeted by a well-known figure: one of the Officer Jennies. She wore a police uniform, had long, teal hair, and folded her arms strictly. Beside her, slightly behind, stood Taylor.

    “This boy tells me you stole one of his Pokéballs,” she said accusingly.

    May turned beet red. Then suddenly she roared “THAT QUILAVA IS MINE!” as she jumped at Taylor in what was clearly an attempt to at least punch him if not bite him too. Officer Jenny grabbed her jacket and held her back.

    “Quite the temper you’ve got,” she said shortly.

    May tried to break loose, but Officer Jenny had a firm grip on her. She glared murderously at Taylor.

    “Also,” the policewoman added thoughtfully, turning to Taylor, “Quilava? Didn’t you say it was a Charmeleon?”

    “Yeah,” said Taylor, slightly nervously. Mark wondered why he hadn’t just said it was a Quilava; this way his story sounded a lot more suspicious.

    “Come with me, guys,” said Officer Jenny, walking towards the police station next door and dragging Mark and May with her. Mark felt a strong burst of anger flare up in his heart; what had he done?

    “I didn’t do anything!” he shouted.

    “Congratulations, you’ve just used the oldest excuse known to mankind,” said the officer sarcastically as they entered.

    Inside, it was rather dark. A desk with a lit lamp on it was on the other end of the room, covered in papers. Mark would’ve looked around better, but Officer Jenny pushed him inside. Then she picked up a small device from the desk.

    “Your trainer license?”

    “Trainer license?” Mark was stunned – of course he should know that a trainer had to get a trainer license. What had he been thinking when he set off? He had been training illegally for a while, and magically gotten away with it. One of the first thoughts that shot into his head was that the Pokémon League’s trainer identification system had to be very flawed, since he hadn’t even been making an effort to hide it.

    “I… I don’t have one,” he stammered.

    “No license?” Jenny raised her eyebrows. “Your eye, please,” she said to Mark. He stepped up to her and she held the tool she had picked up earlier up to his eye to scan his iris.

    “Mmmh,” she said. “Never done anything before, though… so apparently you didn’t get it removed… but that doesn’t change that you’re still training without a license. You’ll get away with a warning this time, but I suggest you go get a license before you get in more trouble – provided, of course, that you did not steal the boy’s Pokémon.”

    Officer Jenny turned to May, who was holding forward a trainer card. “Valid,” said Jenny after surveying it for a few seconds. “May I have your eye, please?”

    May allowed her eye to be scanned too, although she clearly hated it. A loud beep was heard.

    “You, on the other hand…” said Officer Jenny slowly, “you’re on record.”

    “Surprise,” May sneered sarcastically. Mark’s heart suddenly realized it had some catching up to do and started pumping like crazy.

    “Hmm… ‘assaulting a police officer’… ‘refusing to cooperate with the police’… ‘breaking and entering’…” Officer Jenny read from the device. Mark felt sick.

    The policewoman laid the tool back on the desk. “When was that?”

    “You,” said May with disgust, “you think a nine-year-old can’t have anything to say that you don’t know. You think that a nine-year-old’s accusations must be based on personal grudges. You think little girls with bad tempers can’t possibly be right. Something is stolen from a girl and she knows who did it, but you think her knowledge sounds too absurd and claim that the real thief will never be found. She goes on her own and takes again what is hers, and all you do is putting it on some bloody record as ‘breaking and entering’.”

    She jerked this all out very fast, and Mark didn’t really get the whole thing, but from how it looked, somebody had stolen something from May when she was nine, she knew who it was but the police didn’t believe her and just forgot about it, so she took matters into her own hands, broke in and stole what had been stolen from her again. The question was mainly whether the thing that had been ‘stolen’ from her had been about as ‘stolen’ as Quilava.

    “Interesting,” said Officer Jenny simply. “Tell me… did you steal the boy’s Charmeleon?”

    “No,” May spat.

    “Well, we’ll see about that,” the policewoman said. “Your Pokémon, please.”

    May handed her Pokéballs to Officer Jenny.

    “You too,” Jenny insisted, turning to Mark. He gave his Pokéballs to her too. She took a Pokédex from her belt and scanned all the Pokéballs, picking out two of them afterwards.

    “Okay, this one contains a Quilava and this one contains a Charmeleon. Which of them was stolen?”

    “Charmeleon,” Taylor said firmly.

    May opened her mouth, but Officer Jenny stopped her before she said anything.

    “Of course, to make sure we’re not making a terrible mistake here, we’ll do a check of original trainers and ID numbers on them both.”

    Mark suddenly realized what Taylor was up to saying that Charmeleon had been stolen – while a simple ID check on Quilava would prove her as May’s, Charmeleon had originally been given to Taylor and never been registered as traded. Unofficial trades were essentially illegal, partly because that way there was no way to prove the change of trainers, as the trade would never be on official records.

    “No!” he blurted out.

    “No? Why not? You obviously have something to hide,” said Officer Jenny suspiciously. She pressed a button on the Pokédex.

    “Quilava is registered to you, it seems,” said Officer Jenny to May, giving her the Pokéballs back. “But Charmeleon…” Jenny scanned the Pokéball and read off the Pokédex.

    “It’s registered to the boy who reported the theft, Taylor.”

    Mark looked at May. She was staring expressionlessly at him, and clearly understood who Charmeleon was now.

    Officer Jenny put Charmeleon’s Pokéball on the desk.

    -------

    “You can have it in a minute,” Jenny said to Taylor. “But first, I need to record that…”

    Taylor couldn’t help feeling slightly guilty as she said that. If he was getting that Charmeleon, which the boy had thankfully evolved, however he originally got it, he didn’t want to get him into any trouble, because the boy certainly hadn’t done anything to him.

    But luckily, he was prepared for that.

    Speed her up a little bit, he thought, looking out of the window where his new Pokémon was waiting for orders, Mewtwo².

    -------

    Suddenly, Officer Jenny stopped in her tracks. Her eyes went all funny, reminding Mark somewhat of (he shivered a bit) Rick’s Legendary clones.

    “Here,” she said, taking the Pokéball off the table. Mark stared miserably at it as she handed it to Taylor.

    “Please,” he pleaded, “you’re making a mistake! That boy, Taylor, he…”

    But Jenny ignored him completely. She then almost mechanically shoved Mark and May outside, closing the door. There was nothing more he could do.

    They walked silently back towards the Gym. May had taken a funny interest in her fingernails as she held them close to her face and examined them. Mark just felt horrible.

    “Taylor has Charmeleon,” he muttered miserably, not exactly expecting an answer.

    “No,” said May after a moment of silence. “He has Quilava. I switched the Pokéballs on the desk.” She opened her palm to reveal a minimized Pokéball she appeared to have been clutching since she took it.

    “You going to take him back or something?” Mark said in a horribly shaky voice.

    “No,” she answered, handing the Pokéball to him while staring in the other direction. “I… threw him away… he’s not mine…”

    Mark took the Pokéball, covered in sweat from May’s hand, and attached it back to his own belt. He knew both of them were thinking about the same thing: Officer Jenny’s eyes.
     
  5. ViperSean

    ViperSean Guest

    That was... awesome. Quite possibly your best chapter yet. Mitch is starting to freak me out. And i still can't believe Rick gave Taylor Mewtwo². One more thing. In the banner in your sig it says three humans--twenty pokemon--one cause, if there were three humans wouldn't the most be 18 in total?
     
  6. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    No, because there are two Pokémon counted in that who belong to no one. ;) Admittedly that number is a bit questionable, but meh. I was thinking of re-designing the banner anyway.
     
  7. it took me fifteen minutes to read dragonfree that means that it is your second longest to read for me, in that case alone it is one of my favorites. I though it reaked of plotty goodness, and it had nice char development in that we know that taylor is not a total and complete evil guy, what was the bad guy doing good thing???

    Anywho i loved it realy good.
     
  8. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Taylor has been put up as a "bad guy" but he still saved Mark and May from getting into more trouble. And he was also having doubts about tricking Quilava off May.

    It was a pretty short chapter, though (it's less than half of chapter ten), so it's weird that it would take you so long to read compared to the others.
     
  9. Psychic

    Psychic Really and truly

    it could've taken you fifteen minutes because you may have had to re-read certain parts (like me), right?
    anyways, it is a very nicely done chapter Dragonfree, I enjoyed it greatly.
    I know the question I'm about to ask is toatally irrelevent, but how do trainers attach the Pokéballs to their belts? If you already mentioned how, then I'll check, if not...I was just wondering...
    keep it up! ^.^
     
  10. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    In the same way Ash does, I guess. :p
     
  11. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Another awesome chapter, Dragonfree. It had never occured to me that Mark was training illegally. I had always assume that you had Pokédexes as the licenses like in the animé, but I guess not. I also like the hints on May's past as well as the evil cliffhanger. Keep it up!

    ~Chibi~;249;
     
  12. Hey Micky!

    Hey Micky! Well-Known Member

    I finally got around to reading *took me about 2 nights* and I'm very glad I did *and regret putting it off so long*

    1stly, I love your ways of explaining thing, such as a Pokemon's type relating to it's genetic structure, and how it's "Stats" were 'round about averages, same with the levels working like IQs etc. And the ten commandments are a very smart idea :)

    As far as the story goes, some bits I find a bit TOO convenient *such all Mark's Pokemon conveniently have no issue about being his Pokemon* and like someone mentioned before, the time seems a bit "out of place" (and I could swear he beat the 1st gym in 1 day, seems a bit "weird"). Another thing I don't like is how the value of a legendary Pokemon seems to have diminished with all these "clones".

    The description in this fic is very nice. It's short yet it's so "straight to the point" that you have an immediate picture in your head of what's going on. The moves as well are very nicely thought out, and I especially like the idea of Skarmory's swift, involving the feathers being shot.

    - Anyways, that’s my half-baked attempt at a review. Nice Job, keep it up :)
     
  13. Lupin

    Lupin Legendary Pokémon Coordinator

    Great Chapter as usual Dragonfree. Love how you are making Taylor seem like not a bad guy. Do you mind me asking when Gyarados will be making another appearance.
     
  14. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    As soon as Mark battles somewhere where there's a pool of water. Hmm, upcoming Gym battle, perhaps? ;)
     
  15. Heracross

    Heracross Custom User Title

    Great chapter. I knew that the illegal pokémon trade had to be dealt with eventually, there was no avoiding it. It's good that May let Mark keep Charmander. Taylor still seems to be not such a great kid, but we'll just have to wait to see what happens with him. It was surprising to see that May had had some previous involvement with the police, I wonder if that will be revisited in future chapters or if it was just an unimportant event? Not much else to say I guess. As always, keep up the good work.
     
  16. Very interesting chapter, the description was really good, even if it wasn't that long it handled the plot well, and would have been pointless to make it longer. Taylor clearly has a role to play in the future, so that will be interesting to see. Everything flowed together really well here, it shows just how well you've planned everything out, so kudos for that.
     
  17. Mastercougar

    Mastercougar The Infinite Fire

    Dragonfree, may I use the idea of humans learning Pokemon language in a fanfic? I promise I'll give credit to you. My reasoning is that it seems logical that humans would have figured the language out eventually, considering the number of available translators.
     
  18. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Sure, why not...
     
  19. Mastercougar

    Mastercougar The Infinite Fire

    Thank you! More on topic, I'm suprised nobody's speculated on the ;038; on the Quest For the Legends banner. Theory: [spoil]A certain 200+ year-old Nintales from the Jhoto season, perhaps? [/spoil] Oh, and it's up to 127 pages, counting ratings.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2004
  20. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Err... [spoil]I've never seen the Johto season, you know. And this fic has very little connection with the animé apart from having the future Ash in it. Besides, I'd never make something as boring as a character from the animé play a major role. That Ninetales is much more interesting. ;)[/spoil]

    But you can find some art of that Ninetales (by me) in the Fan Art section. I believe the topic is called "Ninetales".
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2004

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