Hey, it's been a while, but it was worth the wait. This was another good chapter. The battles were described very well and I liked how Mark had to explain about pokémon training to Eevee. Length was excellent, and so was description as always. There's not really much else to say except keep up the good work.
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The Quest for the Legends, now with its ILCOETH revision!
- Thread starter Dragonfree
- Start date
W
Webmaster Deoxys
Guest
I really enjoyed reading your fan-fic up to this point, Dragonfree. The description is authentic, the length is good enough to match an actual chapter of a book, the battle scenes are very intense, and the current plot has me in suspense. I love it! Keep up the good work!
Heh, I was expecting more description on Gyarados. Since he seems like such an amazing beast. Yeah, I finally got around to reading the rest of this... I'm also in the middle of Emerald Fist. I just want to let people know that yes, I do read other fics, I'm just lazy 
I like how you make Pokemon and humans equal. Most fics tend to center only on human characters, or if a fic centers on Pokemon, they make humans seem selfish and bad. But with this Agreement, this fic protrays how Pokemon training should be, a partnership. I think my favorite part was where Mark was explaining training to the little innocent Eevee. I also like how the Careful nature is shown in Sandshrew's actions, but I do feel sorry for the little guy. He seems to be getting hurt a lot :*(
I like how you make Pokemon and humans equal. Most fics tend to center only on human characters, or if a fic centers on Pokemon, they make humans seem selfish and bad. But with this Agreement, this fic protrays how Pokemon training should be, a partnership. I think my favorite part was where Mark was explaining training to the little innocent Eevee. I also like how the Careful nature is shown in Sandshrew's actions, but I do feel sorry for the little guy. He seems to be getting hurt a lot :*(
Dragonfree
Just me
Heracross: Glad you liked it! ^^ It won't be so long until chapter seven, I believe; it's going a lot faster.
Webmaster Deoxys: Current plot? Really? Considering that the real plot hasn't started yet... *looks at Webmaster Deoxys' sig* o.o I think I've made myself a die-hard fan.;;;
Iveechan: I didn't describe Gyarados too much, since I mainly wanted to get two words through: HUGE and SCARY. Which is pretty much all Mark really notices. The bit where Mark is explaining to Eevee is probably my favorite bit too so far (although I'll definitely be obsessed with you-know-who's monologues when he's back in).
Ahem, anyway, this is an announcement. Just after I type this, I will replace all the current chapters with their ilcoeth revision (I know I'm revision-obsessed). What you've been reading is the How-Much-More-Revised-Can-It-Get?, which is in fact getting very old now since after that there came the YAR (Yet Another Revision), and now the ILCOE (I've-Lost-Count-Of-'Em), or "ilcoeth revision". Finally you get the newest version...
And yeah, then I WILL get on with chapter seven.
Webmaster Deoxys: Current plot? Really? Considering that the real plot hasn't started yet... *looks at Webmaster Deoxys' sig* o.o I think I've made myself a die-hard fan.
;;;Iveechan: I didn't describe Gyarados too much, since I mainly wanted to get two words through: HUGE and SCARY. Which is pretty much all Mark really notices. The bit where Mark is explaining to Eevee is probably my favorite bit too so far (although I'll definitely be obsessed with you-know-who's monologues when he's back in).
Ahem, anyway, this is an announcement. Just after I type this, I will replace all the current chapters with their ilcoeth revision (I know I'm revision-obsessed). What you've been reading is the How-Much-More-Revised-Can-It-Get?, which is in fact getting very old now since after that there came the YAR (Yet Another Revision), and now the ILCOE (I've-Lost-Count-Of-'Em), or "ilcoeth revision". Finally you get the newest version...
And yeah, then I WILL get on with chapter seven.
I
IdiotNESS
Guest
Interesting fic
Good fic!
You do a good job of creating realistic histories of lengendaries. It kept this interesting. The flow between paragraphs and chapters is difficult to maintain and few writers really master it and I think you're pretty darn close! Still, a gym of legendaries? The only beneficial thing it could do for the story is if it had something to do with your prolouge. Otherwise, it just overbalances the story. Still, you made a big improvement since your first one or so. I just remember reading a really bad version of this a long time ago. This time around, it was magnificent. The way you handle battles makes this much more interesting to read.
I still have one bone to pick, however. the suffix -wise is a painful thing to see in good fics:
the look-wise really ruins the whole effect. Saying there is a striking resemblence to Mewtwo negates the need for look-wise (actually, you should never ever need -wise. The caveman who first started using it should be dragged into a school and read all the painful writings with the -wise suffix). Really, I hope you don't take offense. The fic is really good and I only saw that once in your fic so it's just my heads up.
One other thing concerns the awkwardness of charmanders choice of letting Mark be his trainer:
Charmander was smart enough to know what Mark was getting at but with that intelligence, he would understand tht becoming a pokemon of a pokemon trainer is not a thing to be taken lightly. It's like becoming married because once you have a trainer, the choice is permanent. Your only hope of becoming free would be though release (which only comes through police or kind trainers. Cruel ones never release their pokemon). You handled the transition well and It didn't seem too unnatural but it still is a bit weird. Suffice it to say that I don't think that Charmander would make that descision so quickly. There would be hesitations and he would probably want a chance to mull over the choice if possible. It's a mistake I see often in many fics. The pokemon accept the trainer right away and love him/her forever. I don't think it's realistic, still, it's your choice as the author.
That's all I'll say now because I think this review is getting long. Anyway, keep on impressing me, Great fic!
Good fic!
You do a good job of creating realistic histories of lengendaries. It kept this interesting. The flow between paragraphs and chapters is difficult to maintain and few writers really master it and I think you're pretty darn close! Still, a gym of legendaries? The only beneficial thing it could do for the story is if it had something to do with your prolouge. Otherwise, it just overbalances the story. Still, you made a big improvement since your first one or so. I just remember reading a really bad version of this a long time ago. This time around, it was magnificent. The way you handle battles makes this much more interesting to read.
I still have one bone to pick, however. the suffix -wise is a painful thing to see in good fics:
the look-wise really ruins the whole effect. Saying there is a striking resemblence to Mewtwo negates the need for look-wise (actually, you should never ever need -wise. The caveman who first started using it should be dragged into a school and read all the painful writings with the -wise suffix). Really, I hope you don't take offense. The fic is really good and I only saw that once in your fic so it's just my heads up.
One other thing concerns the awkwardness of charmanders choice of letting Mark be his trainer:
Charmander was smart enough to know what Mark was getting at but with that intelligence, he would understand tht becoming a pokemon of a pokemon trainer is not a thing to be taken lightly. It's like becoming married because once you have a trainer, the choice is permanent. Your only hope of becoming free would be though release (which only comes through police or kind trainers. Cruel ones never release their pokemon). You handled the transition well and It didn't seem too unnatural but it still is a bit weird. Suffice it to say that I don't think that Charmander would make that descision so quickly. There would be hesitations and he would probably want a chance to mull over the choice if possible. It's a mistake I see often in many fics. The pokemon accept the trainer right away and love him/her forever. I don't think it's realistic, still, it's your choice as the author.
That's all I'll say now because I think this review is getting long. Anyway, keep on impressing me, Great fic!
Dragonfree
Just me
Hmmm... true, the "look-wise" is awkward and pointless... *goes to remove it*
However, while you do have a point about the other one, I don't fully agree. Charmander is very young and hatched in captivity (although that hasn't been mentioned in the fic yet). He knows what Pokémon training is, and he knows the Agreement, but he's never gotten to know what an abusive trainer really is. His mental idea of a bad trainer is more like his previous trainer, who just keeps him in a Pokéball and then uses him to trick somebody else. He's never known abuse, nor heard stories about it, and doesn't exactly picture a human kid, much less one who saved him out of the rain, as somebody he should be wary of.
Still, it's true that he'd probably take more time into the decision, since he does know what he is agreeing to. I'll probably change that in the next revision (if I know myself correctly, there will be one, but otherwise I'll just change it sometime later when I'm doing minor rewordings and fixes).
The Gym of Legendaries doesn't have to do with the prologue directly, but it does have to do with a side plot, since the Cleanwater Gym's purpose is not only being a random Gym.
However, while you do have a point about the other one, I don't fully agree. Charmander is very young and hatched in captivity (although that hasn't been mentioned in the fic yet). He knows what Pokémon training is, and he knows the Agreement, but he's never gotten to know what an abusive trainer really is. His mental idea of a bad trainer is more like his previous trainer, who just keeps him in a Pokéball and then uses him to trick somebody else. He's never known abuse, nor heard stories about it, and doesn't exactly picture a human kid, much less one who saved him out of the rain, as somebody he should be wary of.
Still, it's true that he'd probably take more time into the decision, since he does know what he is agreeing to. I'll probably change that in the next revision (if I know myself correctly, there will be one, but otherwise I'll just change it sometime later when I'm doing minor rewordings and fixes).
The Gym of Legendaries doesn't have to do with the prologue directly, but it does have to do with a side plot, since the Cleanwater Gym's purpose is not only being a random Gym.
I
IdiotNESS
Guest
I guess you're right, Dragonfree.
When it comes down to it, it really is the author's interpretation anyway. So, I guess I take back that comment. Aaaand, put another in (sorry, I never let myself put in any less than two comments). I would like to see more on the terms of interesting features on characters. It would add to the story if you had some unique feature to help the readers picture your story. This can also give you ideas for a side adventure (becuase your fic is a journey fic right? Most authors put in side adventures to lighten the storyline and not bore the readers with the same plot development. Use it to throw us off your trail and keep us guessing what will happen next). That's about it for the "replacement comment" so I'm done...unless you need examples but I think you're smart enough not to need them. Good job, I really wanna read the next chapter NOW!
*pouts*
Nevermind, good job!
When it comes down to it, it really is the author's interpretation anyway. So, I guess I take back that comment. Aaaand, put another in (sorry, I never let myself put in any less than two comments). I would like to see more on the terms of interesting features on characters. It would add to the story if you had some unique feature to help the readers picture your story. This can also give you ideas for a side adventure (becuase your fic is a journey fic right? Most authors put in side adventures to lighten the storyline and not bore the readers with the same plot development. Use it to throw us off your trail and keep us guessing what will happen next). That's about it for the "replacement comment" so I'm done...unless you need examples but I think you're smart enough not to need them. Good job, I really wanna read the next chapter NOW!
*pouts*
Nevermind, good job!
Dragonfree
Just me
*big grin, lots of thumb twiddling and plotty glints in eyes*
I swear, you're reading my mind. The journey fic theme is in fact a very small part of it; the last seven chapters (30-36) I wrote before I started rewriting it didn't have a single battle in them at all, for example (and the next one wasn't going to be until chapter 38). Interesting things concerning characters and side adventures make up most of this fic. It takes a bit of time for it to start properly, but when it does...
*more thumb twiddling*
You wait... just wait...
EDIT: Since I'm posting, I can as well give you an update on chapter seven's progress. I'm finishing the fifth page, and I might end it sooner than I meant to because the chapter's main plot hasn't started yet. It might also just be a rather long chapter. Who knows.
I swear, you're reading my mind. The journey fic theme is in fact a very small part of it; the last seven chapters (30-36) I wrote before I started rewriting it didn't have a single battle in them at all, for example (and the next one wasn't going to be until chapter 38). Interesting things concerning characters and side adventures make up most of this fic. It takes a bit of time for it to start properly, but when it does...
*more thumb twiddling*
You wait... just wait...
EDIT: Since I'm posting, I can as well give you an update on chapter seven's progress. I'm finishing the fifth page, and I might end it sooner than I meant to because the chapter's main plot hasn't started yet. It might also just be a rather long chapter. Who knows.
B
Black_Charizard
Guest
I love this fic, the suspense is incredible! Like the Suicune thing, you don't explain what the Garados meant by he's a murderer to keep the readers reading. Also, I like how you're making the pokemon world yours in a sense, by making your own pokemon, region, and history. I can't wait for the next chapter!
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Daatingu
Guest
*Slowly walks in*
Great job Dragonfree. IMO, one of the better chapters you've put out. It all flowed together greatly. Description was good, like always. I can see you put alot of effort into the battles, because it shows. Length was great, no complaints here. The main thing I liked about this chapter was the way you portrayed the legendarys. In most fics, their regarded as all powerful deitys. And here, they're normal, and that's something you dont see very often. Its stuff like that, that makes a fic stand out from all the others. Great job.
Great job Dragonfree. IMO, one of the better chapters you've put out. It all flowed together greatly. Description was good, like always. I can see you put alot of effort into the battles, because it shows. Length was great, no complaints here. The main thing I liked about this chapter was the way you portrayed the legendarys. In most fics, their regarded as all powerful deitys. And here, they're normal, and that's something you dont see very often. Its stuff like that, that makes a fic stand out from all the others. Great job.
C
Cephonis
Guest
very good story Dragonfree! this is very good! its like the manga, a cross between the games and real life! like with charzy evolving and fainting! whens ch 7 gonna be done?
Dragonfree
Just me
Like the manga? Well, I've never read Pokémon Special, so I'm afraid I don't know much about it. Any similarities are a coincidence.
Chapter seven will be done when it's done. I'm on the seventh page now, I'll probably end it sooner than I originally intended.
Chapter seven will be done when it's done. I'm on the seventh page now, I'll probably end it sooner than I originally intended.
Dragonfree
Just me
Hmm. Looks like this fic is getting kinda popular. How absurd... everything I write has very sub-par popularity...
D
DarkScyther
Guest
Bout damn time I return the favor and start reviewing your fic again isn't it ? ^^;
Took a bit of my day out and caught up and I'm definetely enjoying the repost. You've really improved on most-all of the aspects of your FanFiction. I like the description but I really think the strongest point is your character-study. The character's you choose to convey the strongest are the Pokemon, and I positively love that. As long as you can keep their specific moods, aspirations, and personalities in line I think this'll go far. I'm thinking contender for Winter FanFiction awards.
Time to slash it up!
Took a bit of my day out and caught up and I'm definetely enjoying the repost. You've really improved on most-all of the aspects of your FanFiction. I like the description but I really think the strongest point is your character-study. The character's you choose to convey the strongest are the Pokemon, and I positively love that. As long as you can keep their specific moods, aspirations, and personalities in line I think this'll go far. I'm thinking contender for Winter FanFiction awards.
Time to slash it up!
Dragonfree
Just me
Ohmigoddinessofdoom! You finished it!What's more, I've had the honours of getting slashed by His Almightiness DarkScyther the Great. *bows*
*is extremely ego-inflated*
*starts levitating into the air*
E
espeon&umbreon king
Guest
'kay anyways in chap5 you called Suicune a feline but he is a canine(though it's hard to tell)and the description on Raikou made ultra cool(well cooler)but he dosen't have metal(ironic)and I hope your explanation on gyrados is good I mean he's a wussy and was my 3rd fav dragon.your battle description was great but I thought Drill Peck was a 1HIT K.O defeating any pokemon the same or lower than the user?You better continue or mewtwo shall destroy you ;150; (what can I say he wants to know more 'bout chaletwo)
R
Ryuu
Guest
Excellent fic, Dragonfree!
*flashes a thumbs-up*
I had nothing better to do, so I read it...and boy, I'm sure glad I did it!
You described everything WONDERFULLY...believe me, the descriptions were awesome.
Mark is a newbie, but he seems to know too much about Pokemon...like for instance he knows that Skarmory and Butterfree are weak to Fire.
The Pokedex, Potions, Pokemon capturing and battles were superb!
Keep up the AWESOME work!
*flashes a thumbs-up*
I had nothing better to do, so I read it...and boy, I'm sure glad I did it!
You described everything WONDERFULLY...believe me, the descriptions were awesome.
Mark is a newbie, but he seems to know too much about Pokemon...like for instance he knows that Skarmory and Butterfree are weak to Fire.
The Pokedex, Potions, Pokemon capturing and battles were superb!
Keep up the AWESOME work!
Dragonfree
Just me
espeon&umbreon king said:
I think Suicune looks nothing like a wolf or grayhound and say it's a cheetah. It 'is' a canine? PROVE IT.
Raikou's tail and whiskers look somewhat metallic to me, and then I can imagine they are. Prove it isn't metal.
It is good, do you seriously need to pick on things that obviously will be explained later? You can pick on the explanation when you get it, provided that you don't like it, but picking on an explanation you've never seen is kind of pointless.
No, that's Horn drill. Drill peck is an 80-base Flying attack learned by for example Fearow and Dodrio. Trust me, I know everything about how the gameboy attacks work.
I'll guarantee you at the very least thirty more chapters (which is as far as it was when I started rewriting it) unless I have a car accident. I've been writing this fic and revising it for three or four years, but I've never come close to getting bored of it.
I always thought Ash knew stupidly little when he started his journey. If I lived in the Pokémon world, there's no way in hell I wouldn't recognize a Pidgey or Spearow at the age of ten and need to point a Pokédex at everything I see. In fact, I strongly believe I recognized much more than 386 animals when I was ten. Mark is extremely interested in the creatures themselves, adding even more to his knowledge of Pokémon species. The type chart is also something I would imagine kids to learn way before ten. At least it didn't take too long for me to learn it by heart when I was ten, maybe there were a few errors but at the very least I knew that Fire was super effective on Bug (and later Steel). Even if Mark didn't know Skarmory and Butterfree's types already, their types are kind of obvious from outwards appearance (if he, for example, looked at a picture of Latias or Latios, it's highly unlikely he'd be able to guess what type it was if he didn't know it already because they're Legendaries). And there's one scene later where he mistakes Vibrava for a Bug/Flying type. He doesn't know everything, but he knows the Pokémon and knows the type chart, maybe not flawlessly, but he pretty much knows them.
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Black_Charizard
Guest
I'm dying waiting for the next chapter. How is Charmander(now Charmeleon) going to act? Why is Suicune a murderer? And why didn't it murder Mark? Where's Chalenor? Why is his head off and eyes gorged out? Arrg! So many questions...Keep up the good work though! I can wait...*sits and stares at the CPU*