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The Quest for the Legends, now with its ILCOETH revision!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Dragonfree, Apr 26, 2004.

  1. Amadeus Windfall

    Amadeus Windfall Gespenst KIIIICK!

    Wow! You're good at writing. Your characters are good- Charizard's mental changes are interesting, and I assume that Leta was acting like she did because she felt like she was too weak, and possibly thought she was letting Mark down.
     
  2. Flygone

    Flygone Volcano Trainer

    Very good chapter. I really liked the battles in this chapter, you've really managed to make every battle unique. The Scyther vs. Scizor battle was very intense to say the least and you've managed to portray his feelings during battle well. The only criticism I have is about Scyther vs. Charmeleon/Charizard. It's good to see Charizard has given up its childish manners and the battle was good, but a tad too short in my opinion. I don't know what else to say, just keep up the good work.
     
  3. This fic is really good and i especialy like this one(Charmander's dream finally came true)
    ;144;/;144;

    I do have a question though,when will the Ninetails come into the Fic


    ___________
    My rating scale:
    ;129; =1
    ;206; =2
    ;175; =3
    ;146; =4
    ;147; =5
    ;151; =6
    ;251; =7
    ;249; =8
    ;250; =9
    ;144; =10
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2005
  4. to chaletwo:since you sometimes skip into the future if you were to stop and wait wouldnt another chaletwo from the past come and you confront each other
     
  5. nintyweb

    nintyweb Guest

    Someones been playing too much Future Perfect...


    I was thinking about this last night, so I've got some questions too, but they aren't aimed at anyone in particular...
    Any chance of Mark meeting his friend Alex?
    When does Ricks brother reappear? Is he pretty annoyed?
    So, if the Lake of Purity is the second-deepest lake in Ouen, whats the deepest lake?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 19, 2005
  6. Ryano Ra

    Ryano Ra Verdant Vitality

    I have more questions for Leta and one to Dragonfree herself.

    To Leta: In what level will you evolve into and into what Pokemon? Also, what are your expectations for your opponents when battling against them?

    To Dragonfree: Could you tell me Chapter 24's progress so far?
     
  7. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Charizard to MewSP: My arms aren't long enough. But even if they were, I didn't have the courage to cause my death directly...

    Leta to MewSP: ...I guess I just wanted my chance.

    Leta to Ryano Ra: I have to go back to my father...

    I don't care how strong the Pokémon I battle are; what matters is whether I can beat them or not.

    Jolteon to VenusaurDude: Well, he put me in because I wanted it, so I can't really blame him, can I? The nurse is really nice to me, too...

    Dragonfree to RevengeStrikerMew 151: Chapter 25, chapter 25...

    Dragonfree to Blaziken's Emberz: Actually, I named the Pidgeot in my FireRed after the one in the Pokémon Frenzy Tournament - remember I wrote the original long ago.

    Dragonfree to Shiny Lugia: It doesn't tell anything more of Scyther in the old version... o_O;;;

    Dragonfree to Umbrazard: I know that, but for some reason still like to think of it as a dragonfly. I'm illogical sometimes.

    Dragonfree to Amadeus Windfall: Letting Mark down? She really couldn't care less about him... the only reason she wanted to come with him in the first place was that she wanted him to make her strong so she could come back and show her father. She's even deliberately maintaining a certain distance from him because after all she plans to leave him... her father is all that's on her mind.

    Dragonfree to SnowyArticuno: You can expect Spirit in chapter 30-something. In the old version, she would have appeared in chapter 37; that is likely to translate to chapter 33 or so here.

    Chaletwo to RevengeStrikerMew 151: I have better things to do than play around with the consequences of time-travel...

    Mark to nintyweb: Well, I'm hoping I'll meet him, but it does seem unlikely... he started his journey a year ago, after all. Even if we do meet, I doubt we'll be able to battle or anything.

    Taylor to nintyweb: Well, the girl played a trick on me, but it doesn't really matter; it's not like I wasn't playing a trick on her...

    Dragonfree to nintyweb: Don't know, to be honest. It was called the second deepest in the old version, so I'm keeping it as second deepest... never thought of one to be the deepest.

    Leta to Ryano Ra (2): I evolve at level 30, but then I need to wait until level 55 to evolve into a Letaligon...

    As I said, I only really care whether I can beat my opponents or not.

    Dragonfree to Ryano Ra: I'm on the third page... no real action in this chapter, but lots of really fun build-up for chapter 25. The events include (no need to put them in spoiler tags):

    - Starter Pokémon being given away
    - The Trainer's Market
    - A bit of Victor and Mitch
    and last but not least,
    - Mark calls his parents...

    Stay tuned.
     
  8. icyrain

    icyrain Guest

    I've only just begun to read the Quest for the Legends (being at about the ninth chapter), but I can already tell you that I love it, and will be sure to get caught up soon!

    I love the way the dynamics of the pokemon world are described in your story, like evolution, pokeballs, and all else. It's really quite cool. The way in which you write your battles is also very captivating, and I appreciate that you're not afraid to shed a few drops of blood if the story calls for it.

    Hmmm... what else... Well... that's about it, but I think your fanfic is absolutely fantastic, and keep up the good work!

    -Icyrain
     
  9. Psychic

    Psychic Really and truly

    Yay, I have funally gotten off my lazy but to review Chappy 23! *waves little flag*

    ^^ Great work as usual, Dragonfree (you must be really tired of hearing that, aren't you?), though I have to comment on Scizor's battle with Blade. In the old version, didn't the sceptile give one of the leaves to Scizor for the dual? Personaly, I think you should've done that, show how they're really smarter than Humans suggest...

    And *le gasp* nobody has commented on Fury yet! I liked him, again, so glad you kept him, and he will appear in later chapters, right? Right? I Love you, Fury!
    Mmmm, a question for the Hitmonchan: As a Tyrogue, did you always want to evolve into a Hitmonchan, or was it not exactly planned, seeing as you can't really controll your own stats?

    To Scizor: What do you think would have happened if your trainer hadn't done anything? What would you have done? (I know it has little to do with the trainer, but let's pretend I didn't know that)

    Other then that...keep up the awesome work, and next time I'll try not to stall for so long.

    ~Psychic
     
  10. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Dragonfree to Psychic: Er, no, he didn't give a leaf to Scizor... in the old version she just offered him a duel in sign language.

    Fury to Psychic: I'm flattered.

    I was born in captivity, naturally, and brought up to become a Hitmonchan and my defensive techniques trained more than my offensive ones. I was really only around Hitmonchan and Tyrogue who were also going to become Hitmonchan, so it probably influenced my opinion, but I always found Hitmonlee and Hitmontop to be ugly.

    Scizor to Psychic: I'd have met my death from the scythes of a superior...
     
  11. Psychic

    Psychic Really and truly

    He did? *blushes* I guess that was just what happened in my dream...and yes, your fic has influenced my dreams before. I don't know if you'll be flattered or freaked out by that...

    To Fury: Yup, your other forms may not be the nicest things around. Anyways, where was it you grew up, and when did you start travelling (and why, if that's ok)?

    To Leta: Will you stay with Mark as long as you need to so as to become stronger, or if it takes, say around, 40 years and your father even passes away, would you still go back if you thought you weren't ready?

    To Charizard: Now that you've matured, is there anything else you really regret having said or done (not so Scyther related)?

    ~Psychic
     
  12. ViperSean

    ViperSean Guest

    To Scizor: When you said "I'd have met my death from the scythes of a superior...", did mean was superior to you as an individual, or that you think all scyther are superior to you? or both

    To Chaletwo: Since you just time travel from one year to another, and aren't really in any physical place in between, does that mean you'd age very slowly and be only 5 years old or something? Or do you have other things to do?

    To Dragonfree: Is there any signifigance to the fact the Spirit is the evolved for of Mark's favorite pokemon?

    Just a little theory of mine...
    [SPOIL]Chaletwo is part Dark type. Victor collects Dark types. He already said he'd be at Greentown. Chaletwo will/ try to kill Victor instead of Mark.[/SPOIL]

    Been forever since i posted, but i bet no one noticed...
    Some one deleted my account so i had to make a new one...
     
  13. Blivsey

    Blivsey DATA_ERROR

    To Scyther: Why do you hate Scizors so much, and what would you do if you accidentally evolved into one?

    To Mark: Do you know what you want to do after you finish this journey?

    To Dragonfree: Can you give me at least a little hint at the upcoming pokemon that you made up for this region/fic?


    Theory!
    [SPOIL]They're selling masterballs the day before Chaletwo arrives. Mark buys Masterball, tries to catch Chaletwo, Mark gets Chaletwo mad, someone else takes the blame.[/SPOIL]
     
  14. Mastercougar

    Mastercougar The Infinite Fire

    Hello. I've been out of the thread for a while, but the latest chapters have been enticing and full of great description and plot. I can't wait for Chapter 25!
    *grabs popcorn*

    (On a side note, hello, Oblivion)
     
  15. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Fury to Psychic: I grew up in Goldenrod. The Ouen league was the only one that... *is dragged away by Dragonfree*

    Leta to Psychic: I don't know. I'm just hoping it won't take 40 years.

    Charizard to Psychic: I find practically everything I did to be stupid or immature now...

    Scizor to ViperSean: The one who wins the battle is superior.

    Chaletwo to ViperSean: I don't age... Legendaries are immortal by default.

    Dragonfree to ViperSean: You'll see...

    Scyther to Oblivion0807: Scyther hate Scizor for various reasons, and I personally hate Scizor for various other reasons.

    Mark to Oblivion0807: I don't know. I'd like to be a Pokémon artist...

    Dragonfree to Oblivion0807: The only ones planned so far are top-secret, I'm afraid.



    Aaanyway... chapterness!


    -------
    RATING
    Violence: None.
    Gore: None.
    Sexuality: None.
    Profanity: None.
    Other: None.
    -------


    The Pokémon Festival – May 24th: The Threat

    “There are two events today,” May explained to Mark as they headed towards the Green Town Stadium. “First they’ve got Ash Ketchum’s starter Pokémon giveaway. Then there’s the Trainer’s Market, which sells stuff cheaper than you can get it anywhere else. I’ve heard they even have Master Balls.”

    “Master Balls?” Mark asked curiously. “Do they sell them?”

    “Only here, they’re expensive and there’s only one per trainer,” May replied. “But I’m still getting one.”

    Master Balls, Mark thought, biting his lip. He couldn’t deny to himself what he had first thought of when she said that. The uneasy feeling he had had in his stomach since he woke up to yet another nightmare about yellow eyes grew.

    “Hey!” called a familiar voice as Mark and May were about to enter the stadium to watch the starter Pokémon giveaway. Mark turned around to see Ash and Alan walking to them and waving.

    “Is that…?” May whispered in his ear.

    “Yep,” Mark replied with a grin as she started staring at her fingernails. “Hi, Alan!”

    “Hello, Mark,” said Ash. “I heard about yesterday’s incident… are your Pokémon okay?”

    “Yes…” Mark said. “Err, what Pokémon are you going to be giving out now?” He quickly changed the subject.

    “We’ve got a very wide selection, but only one or two of most of them,” Ash explained. “This year we’re giving out most small Pokémon that evolve except really rare ones and ones that can’t battle out of water. Then we’ve got a Ditto, and that’s the only Pokémon we have that doesn’t evolve at all. Of course, the traditional starters are always the most popular, so we keep a bunch of them handy.”

    “How does the starter giveaway happen, anyway?” Mark asked.

    “Well,” Alan answered, “the kids get in line, tell us what Pokémon they’re considering, I say some stuff about the Pokémon they’re thinking about, and when they’ve confidently made up their minds, they get their Pokémon and trainer license and it’s the next person’s turn. Pretty basic.”

    “Oh, so you’re in it too?” Mark asked curiously.

    “Yeah,” Alan replied. “Dad thinks it makes the kids less nervous if they’re talking to a teenager, and at least not directly to him. Dunno if it helps, but I don’t mind doing it.”

    “Oh, all right.” Mark paused. “Should we walk down to the stadium together?”

    “Sure,” Alan answered. His father shrugged.

    “Mmmm,” May mumbled.

    -------

    A hoard of nervous ten-year-olds entered the stadium and looked timidly around at the audience. Ash was seated at a table beside a Pokéball transfer machine on the far right; Alan stood in front of the table with a microphone.

    A very childish-looking blond-haired girl with a pink ribbon in her hair was first in line. She teetered unsteadily towards Alan and muttered something. He turned his microphone off and muttered a bit back, presumably to make her feel less shy.

    “Umm, this is Joanne,” Alan announced, turning his microphone back on. “She was thinking about picking a Pichu…”

    “NO!” screamed the small mousey-haired boy who was next in line. Joanne looked anxiously at him and then muttered something again.

    “All right,” said Alan, “she’s changed her mind… she’s considering Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur is a Grass/Poison type and one of the original starter Pokémon that Professor Oak gave out to children in Kanto… it’s also Pokémon number one by National Pokédex. It evolves into Ivysaur and later Venusaur, and likes to use spores and powders as well as direct offensive Grass attacks. They’re usually loyal, but tend to be a bit secluded and not the most social Pokémon around. So… Joanne, is this the Pokémon you want?”

    She looked doubtfully at Alan like she had had an overload of information, but then nodded shyly.

    “Great!” Alan said cheerfully as his father pressed some buttons on the Pokéball transfer machine and a red and white sphere fell out of the tube. Ash took the ball and handed it to Alan, who in turn passed it on to Joanne and gestured for her to send out the Pokémon. With a quick questioning glance at Alan, she lightly dropped the ball onto the ground. It popped open and the orb of red light inside it took shape into a green, spotted toadlike creature with a large plant bulb on its back. It blinked its bright red eyes a few times, looking up at its new trainer before extending two long, green vines from the base of its bulb and grabbing her hand with them. The crowd cheered, Joanne blushed and then recalled her Pokémon. She went up to Ash’s table and was handed a green Pokédex and a trainer card; then she shook Ash’s hand, her face bright red, and started running out of the arena.

    “And now,” Alan started, but didn’t get to finish his sentence; the mousey-haired boy ran up to him and screamed “PICHU!”, causing the microphone to produce an ear-splitting screech.

    “Err,” said Alan, covering his ears, “Pichu is a…”

    “I just want my Pichu!” the boy yelled as Alan quickly pointed the microphone away.

    “Um, well… all right, I guess.” Alan shrugged and Ash quickly handed him a Pokéball to give to the hyperactive kid. The little boy tossed the Pokéball to the ground, jumping around in excitement as a small, yellow mouse-like Pokémon with diamond-shaped ears formed. It looked confusedly at the boy as he picked it up and hugged it.

    Alan poked the boy’s shoulder. “Er… can’t you do that later? Go get your Pokédex.”

    The boy hurried over to Ash’s table and stared at him with an expression of deep admiration. Ash smiled slightly and gave him a red Pokédex; the boy almost forgot to get his trainer card before bouncing out of the arena with his still confused Pichu.

    A red-haired, tall boy was next; he walked up to Alan, cleared his throat and said into the mirophone: “I’d like a Ditto, please.”

    “There goes the most unique one,” Alan said as a few kids groaned in disappointment. “Ditto is the only Pokémon we’re giving out that doesn’t evolve, and also the only non-Legendary Pokémon in the world with the ability to transform into other Pokémon. Ditto is perfect for strategists, because when Ditto has transformed it is exactly as powerful as its opponent and the trainer with the more skill will win. Is this your choice?”

    “Yes,” said the boy nervously. Alan nodded; his father handed him a Pokéball which he then gave to the boy.

    “Thanks,” the boy said, smiling as he dropped the Pokéball to the ground. A pink blob resembling a blotch of chewing gum with two tiny eyes and a thin mouth came out of the Pokéball.

    “Ditto!” it squeaked before transforming into an exact replica of its trainer. He smiled and shook Ditto’s hand before recalling his Pokémon again.

    -------

    Once the starter Pokémon giveaway was over, they had a bit of free time while preparations for the Trainers’ Market were being made.

    “I think I’m going to call home,” Mark said as they exited the arena. “Nothing better to do, and my parents would probably be happy to hear from me. After all, it would be the first time since I started my journey.”

    May shrugged. “My parents know I’m doing fine, even if I don’t call them.”

    “I still want to call,” Mark said decisively. “You coming with me to the Pokémon Center?”

    “No,” she said simply. “Your parents, your call.”

    “See you at the Trainers’ Market, then.”

    “Bye.”

    Mark walked to the Pokémon Center and got permission to use the videophone. He picked up the receiver and dialed the number nervously.

    “Hello? Mark?” came finally a deep male voice. The black screen started displaying a picture of Mark’s father; he looked very worried. Mark saw his mother in the background hurrying up to the videophone. She looked worried too.

    “Hi Dad,” said Mark.

    “Where are you?” Mark’s mother interrupted.

    “Um, Green Town Pokémon Center,” he replied confusedly. His parents looked at each other; then his father turned back to the camera and sighed.

    “Look, Mark… you’re not about to go see Chale-thingy tomorrow, are you?”

    “Well,” he replied, “I’m not sure…”

    “You’re not going!” his father hissed, narrowing his eyes and leaning towards the camera. “You’re not coming anywhere near that thing! Do you understand me?”

    “Why?” Mark asked confusedly. “How do you even know what Chaletwo is?”

    “Look,” came his mother, pushing his father away, “we just wanted to keep you safe.”

    “What’s that supposed to mean?” Mark asked hotly.

    His father sighed. “We didn’t allow you to go on a Pokémon journey. We talked to the librarian about putting books involving Cha-whatever somewhere away. We did our best to prevent you from hearing about the Pokémon Festival. We did it all because we knew that as soon as you found out about it, you would want to see it and get yourself killed. Now, don’t make all that effort be wasted.”

    “What?” Mark asked furiously. “You’ve been trying to keep it away from me? What sort of parents are you?”

    “Parents who care about you, that’s what sort!” Mark’s father hissed. “Now promise me you’ll stay away tomorrow. Just lie somewhere in your hotel room and pretend not to exist or something. Do you understand?”

    Mark didn’t answer.

    “Mark? Mark? Can you hear me? What…”

    He placed the receiver on the side of the videophone. The image on the screen flickered and disappeared.

    Anger boiled within him. He had thought his parents were overprotective before, but this was the last straw. He couldn’t stand the idea of having had all that kept from him for so long. So that was why they had never seemed to have anything against him going on a Pokémon journey until five years ago. And why he had never found any books about the Ouen legendaries before, and didn’t know anything about the Pokémon Festival. So many mysteries were explained by this one phone call.

    To get his mind to something else, he looked at his watch and decided that he might as well start walking down to the stadium again for the Trainer’s Market. He kicked some stones along the way and decided that this call was nobody’s business but his own.

    He momentarily forgot about it when he entered the stadium. Dozens of sale stands were now standing there in neat rows; trainers of all ages were gathered around them to buy all the items they could dream of. The biggest crowd, however, was gathered around one stand, which Mark guessed was the one with the Master Balls. Hesitating, he walked up to what he presumed was the end of the line. Slowly the crowd thinned and he finally got to the stand. He took out his trainer card, remembering that they could be used as credit cards.

    “You’re selling Master Balls, right?” he asked, just to be sure. The brown-haired man on the other side nodded as he adjusted his sunglasses slightly.

    “Okay… I’ll have one.”

    The guy inserted Mark’s trainer card into a slot on a small box. It beeped and a purple and white sphere with a small white ‘M’ on the front materialized on top of it.

    “Here,” the man said, handing it back to Mark along with his trainer card and a booklet. He quizzically looked at it; the front of it said ‘Master Ball safety manual: Read before use.’

    “Hey, get a move on,” a voice said behind him, and Mark moved to the side. He bumped into a boy with a pale face and long, black hair.

    “Victor?”

    “Mark!” Victor exclaimed. “I thought I’d never find you! We were going to meet at the festival, remember?”

    Mark blushed. “Oh, I forgot.”

    “It’s all right,” said Victor. “Um… is May here somewhere? Oh, there she is…”

    Victor waved to her where she was somewhere in the crowd. She doubtfully waved back and then came to them.

    “You’re the Mutark guy, right?” she asked.

    “Yeah,” Victor confirmed. “I wanted to speak to you two…”

    May raised an eyebrow. “Go on.”

    “Well…” Victor began, swallowing, and then sighed and gestured for them to follow him out of the stadium. He was only happy when they were standing by the side wall, out of everybody’s earshot.

    “What is this all about?” May asked impatiently.

    “Er…” Victor started again. “Well, after you two had both left Scorpio City, Mitch told me that… that he had a feeling something would happen to you.”

    Mark got a sinking feeling in his stomach; May just raised her eyebrow further. “And? It’s not like he’s a psychic or something.”

    “He is,” Mark muttered miserably, remembering what Victor had told him when they had met outside Scorpio City.

    “It’s just a rumour, of course,” Victor quickly added. “But I’d still be careful if I were you – they say he has foreseen deaths and stuff.”

    “I don’t believe in rumours,” May said firmly, not looking very convinced. Mark didn’t say anything. He just thought about Mitch’s odd, hypnotic stare, the strange things he said and the way he had asked if Mark had dreamt anything. As much as he’d have loved to label it as just a rumour, it didn’t seem all too unlikely that there was more to Mitch than met the eye.

    “Well, that’s all,” Victor said nervously. “I’ll… see you around, I guess.”

    “Bye,” said May doubtfully. Mark mumbled something. Victor waved slightly and walked off.

    “Do you think he’s just trying to scare us?” May asked after a moment’s pause.

    “He didn’t seem like it,” Mark muttered.

    “Mitch could be wrong, too,” May suggested.

    “Could I be wrong?”

    Mark jumped and turned around to find Mitch suddenly standing there with a mysterious smile on his lips.

    “Was what Victor said true?” May just asked.

    “We had that conversation, yes,” said Mitch and nodded slowly.

    “But what…” Mark began before realizing that Mitch was walking off. Puzzled, the two kids looked at each other.

    -------

    Mark felt uneasy for the remainder of the day. May was quieter than usual too; he also felt a strange need to keep her company. They stuck together until they went to their Pokémon Center rooms in the evening.

    Mark didn’t feel like going to sleep for some reason, so he picked up the booklet he had received at the Master Ball stand.

    IMPORTANT NOTICE

    The Master Ball, while capable of holding any Pokémon no matter how powerful, will not automatically sway a Pokémon to obey you any more than a normal Pokéball will. Remember that Pokémon respect their trainers in accordance with their training experience and kindness, not their equipment! Always show caution when attempting to capture powerful Pokémon. If it appears unhappy about being captured, release it straight away and do not in any way give it a reason to dislike you.

    The Master Ball is best kept until you are an experienced trainer, and is wisest to use on a Pokémon that is rare rather than one that is powerful.

    Mark read the words dully. He wasn’t an idiot; this text basically translated to “Don’t do anything foolish like trying to catch Chaletwo even though he’s appearing tomorrow.” He put the booklet down and sighed before taking out his paper and pencil and starting to draw.

    He was lost in his own world for a while as his hand shot across the paper and drew the outlines of a Lugia. After the Lugia, he added a Zapdos, and a Moltres, and an Articuno…

    He slowly got drowsy and in the end he realized that he had been dozing off for a few minutes while drawing. He stared at what he drawn while half-asleep.

    Wow, that’s my best Mewtwo ever, was his first, somewhat sleepy thought. Then a cold shiver ran down his spine as he realized that its eyes were closed.
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2005
  16. Dragonfire

    Dragonfire Banned

    The Quest for the Legends Review
    "Death is not to be feared, as it is the only thing we have in common."​

    I love that line! Anyway, hello, Dragonfree. I am going to type a long review for every chapter, so because of that, this review is going to break the world record for longest review. Mwahahaha. Ph34r.

    Anyway, since my reviewing system looks at all points in a fic, it can show the author what concerns the critics have for their fic. And I have to say, Dragonfree, this is one of the most flawless stories I've ever read. The description and plot, and the phenomenal character personalities I've ever seen.

    Uniqueness, thought, description, length. Everything is perfect about your fan-fic, Dragonfree. The usage of vocabulary: top-notch. However, here's one downfall. The problem is the battles. Although highly descriptive, and Dragonfree-style, but the battles seem to be a little short.

    About twenty short paragraphs are used, and some of the action is a little choppy, and need some description. Nonetheless, the other stuff, like the new Pokémon, the confused Mark, and the great plot, make up for it. But I'd really suggest you get some work done on that.

    : :Chapters I to X: :

    The beginning adventures of Mark and May are pretty good and daring with some great mysterious elements in the very cool scary-ish, chosen-one-ish ambience. The Quest for the Legends' beginnings chapters are interesting, yet there is only one little problem - How come Mark and May have a little too powerful Pokémon like Lapras, Skarmory, Larvitar and Dratini? And Scyther - whoa.

    Anyway, the problem is that they are a little too powerful and sometimes, I feel at some points I think, "Ooh, that would have been a good time for Sandshrew to evolve," but then, nope, it doesn't happen. It happens a little later. Anyway, the story is good and is well thought-out. I love it.

    Also, the Pokémon School was very good, and the way that Mark hated it, but loved to draw, just like I plan stuff for my fic I'm working on (the newest fic ever - will show these people soon enough)

    The only thing that gave you less criticism credentials was the fact that the duo have strong Pokémon. And they're ten!? They sound highly intelligent, so you'd better decrease their I.Q., but that's just me. I like a little more of a reality in store. Meh.

    The flow and description was nice, and the length was okay. I'd say about six pages on MSWord? I don't know. But, nonetheless, your fic is great, much to be admired, and is still one of the best I've ever read. The telepathy with Pokémon is great and the Agreement - Phenomenal. Your fics just astound me. I just hope I'm as good as you with my fic.

    : :Chapters XI to XV: :

    Great, just great. The description of the new Pokémon and new areas are truly amazing, and the description of how Pokémon evolve - good, but why does Mark, when he doesn't pay much attention in class, know a little too much when teaching Eevee? Very lack-of-fic-memory-ish there, Dragonfree. Just pointing out.

    The work you did is great, and the trainers' personalities, whether it be the trainers they fight or the two main characters, is great. But, the only thing on my mind is the plot - I sense that the Gym Leader of Cleanwater, Rick, is up to no good. Plot thickening...bum bum bum.

    Anyway, the length is okay - needs some more polished battle sequences, and some more emotion in the battle. Enthusiasm is a key element in that. Pretend that you are in a fight with a bully. He or she punches you, and your body aches. Put some groans, agony, and some pain, to really make the emotion and description of how Pokémon feel when hurt to really show the people that. Use that tone.

    If you don't like that, that's okay with me.

    : : Chapter XVI : :
    This chapter, "The Third Badge" is okay. The battles are starting to improve in this chapter, with the Scorplack owned by Mitch and the fierce battle between Mark's Charmeleon and the Scorplack. Good use of real-life in there. Yes, it's possible to be immune to illnesses, but not poison, just to let you know.

    The description is great, and call me crazy, but Scorplack was a little hard to depict. I know it's black, and its a scorpion, but meh, I cannot imagine it clearly. Am I missing something here? Length was just okay, like always, long enough for a good story.

    : : Chapter XVII : :
    "The Shark and the Serpent" was a good story, especially right in the middlish part with the old sales clerk that's a little much like those infomercial guys - buy one and get this free. Blah, blah, blah. And then he overcharges - like they do in today's world. XD - Anyway, the plot was great. It reminded me of "Jaws". And also, Gyarados eating Sharpedo - nice. It shows that Pokémon are carnivorous fiends.

    Like always, description takes the cake. I can't even make any good compliments anymore since I can't think of any for 22 chapters so far. The length is nice - the battle could have been a little longer - but that's jsut me.

    : : Chapter XVIII : :
    "Enemies Forever" showed the most perfect thing in the world that I love most - EVIL SCYTHER! Right at the end, where Scyther was a centimeter close of slitting Mark's throat, I was thinking - That's the best part of this chapter. Right there. Of course, the rivalry between Charmeleon and Scyther have always been great, and also, Dratini evolved! Huzzah!

    The description - *looks at a book called "Making Unique Compliments for Idiots"* is "extraordinarily phenomenal in many portions of the novel". The length could have been a bit longer, but not much, in some cases like the hotel and the discussions with Charmeleon and Scyther at the end of the chapter. This is the most unique of all the chapters,Dragonfree. Give yourself a pat on the back.

    And also, Gyarados' constant weakening with each attack. Overheat ring any bells, anyone?

    : : Chapter XIX : :
    "Good or Evil?" is a good story that features Chaletwo! Huzzah! The sprite of it looks good, by the way, and looks quite...evil. Evil is cool, especially in your fics. The rematch between Mark and Marge was a bit...short. There could've been more in the battle with Starmie and Scyther. Starmie can replenish its health, and so can Lapras with Rest from TM44. Anyway, that was a good chapter, especially at the end. Sort of a cliffhanger.

    I'm not going to say anything about the description anymore - it's all good in these and in future chapters. The length was okay. Like mentioned before, the rematch was a bit short. That's the only problem I had with this fic. But, why is there a Chaletwo, if it looks like Mewtwo, and Chalenor is something different? What's going on?

    Anyway, the story is going great and fairly well, so keep it up!

    : : Chapter XX : :
    "The Warning" is just that. A warning of things to come. Folks and fans of "The Quest for the Legends" watch out, as Butterfree will do something unexpected in future chapters of this newly revised, ILCOEth (It's actually version 7 - meh) fic. Anyway, this fic was cool, and yes, Ash's son was quite the cliché-type person, but Molzapart and Rainteicune were okay. Don't be too hard on yourself, Dragonfree. I don't want another revision made...

    The descrip- never mind. The conversation was really good. It really made me think that Chaletwo wasn't good. It was evil. Huzzah to evilness! And the length is getting longer. I like.

    : : May 21st/Chapter XXI : :
    Jolteon! Mark's team now has...a Fire-type, a Dragon-type, a Bug/Flying-type, a Water/Flying-type, a Ground-type and an Electric-type. His team is quite strong and unique. But the only thing I didn't see was the use of a Sun Stone on a Sunkern or Gloom. Oh well. Anyway, the characters were good, especially May, whose "Oh-you-evolved-no-more-attacks-for-you" expression was quite unique.

    Descr- never mind. Length was okay - and the "Evolution Solution" was an okay title for the ceremony. There were some parts I didn't like about it that made it unique, like the people throwing stones at Pokémon for evolution. Anyway, it was still good, and I hope for the Festival to be good, like the arrival of Chaletwo...

    : : May 22nd/Chapter XXII : :
    One word describes the "Attack Approval" - interesting. The ability to use your own attacks and make them into battle is really cool in your region of Ouen. Anyway, this chapter was cool, and the longest I've ever read thus far. Now two Pokémon have unique abilities - Dragonair, with its Dragonfire Attack, and Gyarados' Dragon Beam. Nice.

    Skipping description - and now heading to length. Like I said in the aforementioned paragraph, this was the most longest chapter I've read thus far....or so I believe...

    : :May 23rd/Chapter XXIII: :
    "The Frenzy Attack Tournament" was very impressive. It teaches every single author in here that all of your battles are alawys interesting. Whod've thought that you've made a chapter in regards to Pokémon attacking individually? It's astounding at the way you do it, and revolving everything around Scyther and Charmeleon's rivalry. Very good, rich and great to look at - especially length-wise. It is pretty long. Longer than Chapter XXII, I believe. And XXIV is longer than this one, too.

    Very good.

    : :May 24th/Chapter XXIV: :
    "The Threat" was a great chapter. The length was great, the description, of course, was definitely great, and very exhilirating to read. The entire chapter kept me on the edge of my seat, and then at the end, I just thought in my head: Chaletwo... And at that moment, I just felt the chills. You are just too damn good of an author, Dragonfree. You deserve so much, I can't fill it all in this post!

    Very good work, here. Very impressive.

    ~Dragonfire~
     
  17. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    o_O;;; Chapter 24 is less than half the length of chapter 23...

    Well, thanks for the review. ^^

    As for chapter 25... oh, I love this chapter so much. It's my pride and joy. I've written a page and a half already, and am reeeeally liking it so far. Philosophical-ness to the extreme... this is one of the many chapters that go deep into ponderings. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, my friends... ;)

    Stay tuned for what is probably THE best, biggest, most plot-twisting, groundbreaking chapter of this whole fic, coming soon to a fic thread near you.

    And yes, soon. When I enjoy every word I'm writing, I can finish it pretty soon.
     
  18. Dragonfire

    Dragonfire Banned

    Oh, really? ^^; I thought it was pretty longer. And as for Chapter XXV, don't try to make me get into the irge, and quick, to find out it's been delayed or something. That would be both ironic and heartbreaking to some true fans. Meh. I hope I can enjoy all of the philosophical-ness to the extreme, too. Hail the philosophical-ness!

    ~Dragonfire~
     
  19. MewSP

    MewSP Guest

    (clear! *ZZZZZT*)

    I really don't know why, but I love this chapter! Nothing special happens, but the foreshadowing was, well, foreshadowy. Mitch's return was... ironic. I didn't expect to see him pop up right then.

    Firgured it out! The END! That's what I like so much! Like Dragonfire said, it sends cold shivers down your spine (CHaletwo-chaletwo-chaletwo! Tingly). The me- chaletwo was creepy.

    Okay, can't wait for 25 (who can?)! Not going to say keep it up because I know you will. Ahem... CHALETWO!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  20. Very interesting chapter here. I really liked. Gah I hate it when I have nothing else to say. Oh one thing though, very nice ending, I see a little obsession with Mark on Chaletwo. Okie maybe not pbsession but something like that. No mistakes that I could find again. I thyink I'm either losing my touch or you writers are getting way too good with you mistake findings.
    jirachiman out ;385;
     

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