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The Quest for the Legends, now with its ILCOETH revision!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Dragonfree, Apr 26, 2004.

  1. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Mark doesn't know anything about Dratini's personality, so he could hardly put anything there.

    Well, that's the excuse. The real reason is that because Dratini didn't become a part of the team until last chapter, I forgot about him. ^_^;;;
     
  2. Lupin

    Lupin Legendary Pokémon Coordinator

    Great Work Dragonfree. Keep those chapters coming.
     
  3. ViperSean

    ViperSean Guest

    Amazing fic! Just one thing I notived: Although your fic normally has a lot of discription, I noticed there wasn't much in the way of a discription of Catertwo.

    YOUR TEACHERS WENT ON STRIKE!?!? The closed thing we have to that where i live is a huricane hits and we get a few days of school. :(
     
  4. Lupin

    Lupin Legendary Pokémon Coordinator

    Closest thing I've had is when someone broke the boiler and we got to go home a week before the Christmas holidays began.
     
  5. Heracross

    Heracross Custom User Title

    Wow, I haven't been here to review in quite some time. Since I just read three chapters in a row, I won't go into detail about things or we'd be here forever, but overall the last few chapters were excellent. The story is certainly picking up the pace a great deal and the plot is becoming very dark and mysterious, which is a good thing. Oh, and I just knew Scyther was going to go with Mark.^_^
     
  6. IdiotNESS

    IdiotNESS Guest

    Woooo!

    YayNESS, power from Mew...you delivered!

    K,k k, You're right. Sorry, I didn't put much thought into that review. you do put 's on all singular nouns. Soo...sorry. Dang, that was pretty stupid...

    >_< Oh, my poor brain! The only advice I can think of right no is character development and the like and I don't think you want that...

    *sits down and massages head*

    I'll just say good job here because I'm afraid I might do another botched review. Now that I look at it, the advice in it seems pretty useless...

    I hope your next chapter is good too. I'll review if I come out of my reviewer's block ;). too much work to break down your story and sift it for uncovered things.

    Post soon!!!
     
  7. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Awesome, oh and also in reply to the Gyarados thing...possesive would be Gyarados's, plural is just Gyarados and possesive plural is Gyarados'


    Whoa, and I thought that the team in my fic was weird (adopted Pidgey, Charmeleon that was a lone survivor of a Entei's forest fire, Zapdos-hybrid Pikachu, and a Dratini clone)

    But anyways yeah, I love your description, though it was a bit skimpy in a few places and the part in the restaurant seemed kind of choppy.
    And stop saying the title is crappy! It's catchy in it's simplicity and the word draw a reader in. Mine just confuses people

    Anyways, your fic's great, a definate five stars. Keep it up!

    ~Chibi~

    (Teachers on strike??! Wow that's even better than the bomb threat at my school.. x.x')
     
  8. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Lupin: Um... try to write a bit more helpful reviews from now on, OK? Just saying "Great work, keep those chapters coming" is spam.

    ViperSean: Catertwo isn't really important enough to be described very much, but I'll fix that next time I revise (which is bound to be sometime).

    Heracross: Heh, you know, the original plan for the fic when I first wrote it wasn't to make Scyther join the team, but during Mark's five minutes, I fell in love with Scyther and couldn't just leave him there with the Mew Hunter. You're going to see later how scarily much I like writing him.

    IdiotNESS: You want character development, you get it. ;) Chapter ten marked the end of the "introductionary phase" and then the "character development" phase starts. You're going to see a twist with the Pokémon in chapter eleven and... *shuts up*

    Chibi Pika: Well, I think the title mainly gives a wrong impression. You know, a "Hey, I'm a newbie trainer! Oh, a Legendary Pokémon! *throws ball* Yay! I'm going to catch all the Legendaries because I'm a Gary-Stu! *becomes Pokémon master using Legendary Pokémon* Whee!" kind of impression. I didn't really like the bit at the café either, but meh, nothing to make yet another revision over.


    As for chapter eleven, I've been planning it a lot but I've only written a few paragraphs. I guess chapters nine and ten kinda used up a lot of my writing mood supply.
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2004
  9. Magi of all

    Magi of all Guest

    Absolutely love you fic. never stop writing, please. On of the best stories I read in a long time. Also, I like your take on Pokemon language, evolution and levels
     
  10. heh... this fic is takin quite a time 2 finish... i'll just wait... at least it's not as long as Rifts in Time...


    BTW, I got the patience award but... I DONT NOE HOW 2 PUT IT IN MY SIGGY...*sobs*
     
  11. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    To finish? Of course it will take a lot of time to finish, it could be 70+ chapters. But that doesn't mean each individual chapter is going to take very long. I just have writer's block at the moment but otherwise I'd be getting out chapters left and right.

    And you can't put the patience award in your sig, it's too big so it would be breaking the sig rules.
     
  12. MewSP

    MewSP Guest

    *sigh* I hate my first review of a fic. To sum it up, this is good, really, really good 11/10! Now to the details, sort of.

    First of all I like how you didn't just use one of the regions to put this fic in. You created a new, really cool region, gave it cities, and probabl;y other cool stuff to come. Some writers would stop there, but no, you created new legendaries and their own myths. Way to go!

    Second I feel like the beginning was a bit cliched, but you gave Charmander/Charmeleon a really nice history to make up for it, way to go again! (I really like using 'Really' and 'Way to go') The way you had to make Mark beg to go on a pokemon journey was nice also.

    Mark got his pokemon awfully fast, but I don't have a problem with it. As far as the pokemon you picked, I have to give you an A+. Charizard, One of the eveelutions, Dragonite, Sandslash with an earthquake, Gyarados with a Ultre-super-mega Attack of Doom(can't help but to laugh at this name), and a Scyther. Mark is gonna sweep the Quen League!

    I like the first gym, and how you made mark feel the pain of seeing pokemon abuse for the first time. Personally, I hope that all the legendarie come and obliterate Rick's gym.

    Finally, I was going to say something about character development, but you clarifyed that in a previous post.

    Now, odds are that I forgot some really important detail that I wanted to either pick on or complimant you on, but that is why I hate my first review.


    Well, that's it. I have a million questions to ask, but I knoe their answers will be revealed soon. This has been really stringy, but that, once again, is why I hate the first review.
     
  13. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Ah, but is he going to sweep the Ouen league? He hasn't fared exceptionally well in his battles so far, and I've been strongly implying that May is vastly superior to him in terms of Pokémon training. Also, you forgot that Scyther also has an evolution, but don't be so confident that everything is necessarily going to evolve... ;)

    Sadly, I have a bit of writer's block (the type where you know what you're going to write, but can't write it properly), but I'm getting over it, and then I'll get on with chapter 11.
     
  14. Iveechan

    Iveechan <--- CHANTASTIC

    Writer's block is veddy evil. Hopefully, yours won't last half a year. Heh, funny how we both have a Rick who readers despise. I don't recall Dratini doing much in the first version, but I stopped reading at... oh, I shouldn't give it away. But part of the reason why I stopped reading the first version of the story was because of the monstrous amount of chapters and I sort of lost interest. But since I'm reading this version from the beginning, I'm more confident that I'll actually stick with it this time.

    EDIT: dude, you're at page 8 o_O. Congrats.
     
  15. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Well, I'm getting into writing mood now. I just wrote a page of chapter eleven, and it's going to be rather short, so expect it soon, probably tomorrow.

    On a side note, the revised version is now in total (on the page I'm on, that is) 100 pages in Word. Whee.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2004
  16. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    OK, done. The longest chapter so far is followed by the shortest chapter so far... it's about 3 2/3 pages. But it smells of plot.



    -------
    RATING

    Violence: None.

    Gore: None.

    Sexuality: None.

    Profanity: None.

    Other: A bit of creepiness, but nothing that matters.
    -------



    Chapter 11: The Lizard and the Mantis

    Mark was starting to feel uncomfortable again when they waited for their Pokémon to be healed. Nurse Joy had informed May that thankfully, Lapras and Skarmory would recover.

    This Pokémon Center, like the one in Cleanwater City, had a pink furry carpet and red couches scattered around randomly. As Mark sat motionlessly in one, he drifted into sleep.

    The dream was just a very short flash of scythes, eyes with slits for pupils, green reptilian heads, forty centimeter-long blood-covered fangs, death and a bit more blood. Then he snapped back awake, breathing rapidly.

    Mark calmed down upon realizing that he was in the Pokémon Center. May was just bringing his Pokémon back.

    “Thanks,” he mumbled, attaching them to his belt. “Hey, I think I’m going outside for a bit… I guess I could use some fresh air, and maybe I’ll introduce Scyther properly to my Pokémon.”

    She nodded, and Mark stood up, walking outside. The sun was slowly sinking into the horizon in the far west. The air was comfortably cool, although it couldn’t exactly be called fresh.

    “Go, Charmeleon, Sandshrew, Eevee, Dratini.”

    The four Pokémon materialized on the ground and cried out their names.

    “Um… did you know that you were stolen?” Mark asked.

    “Yes, we know the whole story,” said Charmeleon. “But we’re back with you now, so does that really matter?”

    “Well, you see… I’ve gotten a new Pokémon…”

    Mark felt one of his Pokéballs wobble a bit; then the two halves separated. A beam of red shot out of it and took shape into Scyther right next to Mark. As the mantis Pokémon formed, the four smaller ones backed away.

    “Mark…” asked Charmeleon hesitatingly, “isn’t that the thief’s Scyther?”

    “Yeah,” Mark said. “He joined us.”

    Charmeleon stared at him for a second, but then asked: “Erm… what the heck happened to your common sense?”

    “What?” Mark asked, confused.

    “Well, isn’t it obvious?” Charmeleon snapped. “You’re opening the door wide to a Pokémon that was going to kill you just half an hour ago!”

    “He wasn’t going to!” Mark objected. “He even refused to battle for the Mew Hunter!”

    “Who says that isn’t a part of the plan too?” said Charmeleon, eying Scyther suspiciously.

    “I…”

    “I can’t force you to trust me,” said Scyther just, “and really, I can’t blame you for not trusting me. I’m not used to being trusted.”

    “Oh, come on,” said Mark annoyed, “just give us your word that you aren’t going to hurt anybody.”

    “I don’t make promises,” said the mantis calmly. “Not to you, not to somebody who won’t believe it anyway, and not to anybody else. Breaking a promise is painful, and the only way to avoid the pain is not to make the promise.”

    Mark was starting to feel a bit more skeptical about Scyther’s company now, but he didn’t want to admit defeat right away.

    “See?” Charmeleon snorted. “At least he has the decency not to go behind his words – by not giving any words to go behind!”

    “Let Mark decide,” said Scyther expressionlessly. “He’s heard both sides of the argument, and it’s him who we’re trying to affect. Let him be the judge.”

    “Guys,” Mark said decisively towards his Pokémon, “I want all of you to come over here and accept Scyther as one of you.”

    The mantis offered his right scythe for a handshake, but Mark’s four much smaller Pokémon just flinched, apart from Charmeleon, who glared at Mark like he couldn’t believe this. Nobody moved, until finally – much to Mark’s surprise – Sandshrew walked nervously forward. He glanced anxiously at the raised scythe, but decided not to come near it so he just nodded and sat down.

    “Great. Anybody else?” Mark asked, smiling.

    He was even more surprised when Eevee tilted his head and approached the giant bug. He even raised his right front paw to touch the top of Scyther’s blade. He smiled faintly, moving his arm slightly. Eevee jumped, but showed no signs of regret when he took place beside Mark.

    Dratini then slithered forward. His black, beady eyes looked curiously up at the bug’s reptilian head, and what could only be a cute little smile appeared on his face. Scyther nodded slowly, and the dragon crawled to Eevee’s side.

    Now only Charmeleon was left, and he showed no signs of being about to come over. He just gave Scyther a nasty glare, folded his arms and then turned his back firmly towards the rest of the Pokémon, flicking his tail flame.

    “Fine,” said Scyther matter-of-factly. “We’ll have it your way, then…”

    And he also crossed his bladed arms and turned his back towards Charmeleon in the exact same manner.

    “Oh, come on,” Mark sighed, but the two Pokémon didn’t move.

    “Mark!”

    May came out of the Pokémon Center and eyed Scyther and Charmeleon curiously before turning to Mark.

    “Hey, there’s supposedly a decent, cheap restaurant in town called The Gamesharked Skarmory. I’ve been given directions, and I’m going there now. Are you coming?”

    “Yeah, sure,” Mark said, recalling his Pokémon and trying to act like there was nothing wrong. He was thankful that May wasn’t the type of person to ask questions.

    -------

    After the meal, May told Mark that the Pokémon Center offered cheap accommodation for trainers. Mark noticed that she seemed to be obsessed with everything being cheap, but didn’t mention that. They just walked back to the Pokémon Center and checked in.

    Once Mark was alone in his room, he undressed, put on his pajamas and, after a bit of thought, sent out his five Pokémon small enough to fit in the room. He noticed Charmeleon starting to growl at Scyther, but interrupted quickly:

    “Hey, now we’re just going to sleep, all right? No arguing, insulting, attacking, or anything of the sort.”

    Scyther and Charmeleon nodded, and lay down on the floor with the other Pokémon. Mark made carefully sure that they weren’t going to do anything before closing his eyes.

    Scyther suddenly leapt at him, his scythes raised. Mark gasped, only to discover that the mantis was lying peacefully on the floor, fast asleep.

    “Stupid dream,” he muttered, turning around.

    Fangcat snuck up on Charmeleon and prepared to sink her fangs into his unsuspecting body; he was turned around with his arms folded and didn’t see her…

    Mark woke with a start, finding that this was also a dream.

    “Darn it,” he mumbled. He dug his face into his fluffy pillow. Suddenly, he had no face and was throwing a black and red Pokéball at Mew…

    Knowing in the dream that it was a dream, he broke out of it by forcing his eyes open. He screwed them shut again, staring at the blackness on the back of his eyelids. Two bright yellow eyes opened in the dark and he woke up yet again, his heart stinging uncomfortably.

    He waited, and waited. Mew started laughing manically, threatening to kill Eevee. Mewtwo² lay dead in a pool of blood on the floor, but the Mew Hunter was trying to resurrect him by muttering old sayings. Mark ordered Scyther to kill May because she was trying to steal Charmeleon.

    Mark knew it was all a stupid dream, but let it all happen in his head without waking up. It was somehow relieving to let all of this day’s happenings mix up into something insane.

    -------

    A young man stared out of the window at the stars. His gray eyes reflected their light.

    “Emotions…” he muttered out of the blue. “Strong ones… fighting to keep them inside… interesting…”

    He blinked.

    -------

    Charmeleon lay on the floor, pretending to be asleep. Mark wasn’t mumbling in his sleep anymore; he had most likely fallen into deep sleep.

    Mark is being stupid, he thought grimly. Does he have any idea what a Scyther could do in the night? Especially one who can break out of Pokéballs by himself…

    And that bug is acting all arrogant, trying to be the wise one, trying to look good… but I see right through him… if Mark doesn’t want to believe me, fine…

    I’ll show that overgrown mantis one day… I’ll show him…


    With a grin, he closed his eyes. He dreamt not the happenings of this day, but a plan for the future.
     
  17. Elite Eevee

    Elite Eevee Guest

    Dragonfree, I've been reading ths, and all I can say is excellent. You put an abnormal amount of reality and humanity into your characters.. I swear, some of DarkScyther's talent rubbed off on you.

    And the way, I loved the resturant's name. And I can't stop thinking about the Charmeleon's devilish plan.
     
  18. guiltysparkzz

    guiltysparkzz AKA mattgcn

    I wonder what he's gonna do. Your right. It reeks of plotty goodness. I can't help but love this fic, but impatient as I am, I'll probably go over to the Pokemon Tower and read your earlier version anyways. :D It's that good!
     
  19. Well Dragonfree i have one thing to say... ... ... ... EXELENT!!! i havent read many fics as well written as yours, and ive read a lot,A LOT of fics. It is enticing and i love it. The Loner scyther classic, the naive evee grand. I love the gyarados hes cool. The charmeleon i think is cool beyond reasoning, (the char line is one of my faves). over all a awsome fic you deserve major props for such a good fic.

    *sobs* so...so...so...good*hysterical sobbing and nose blowing*
     
  20. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Elite Eevee: Heh, thanks. I'm nowhere near as good as DarkScyther, though... he's just brilliant.

    mattgcn: You can't, because it's not on the Tower anymore! Mwahahaha! After it won the RCA (whee), I sent it in to be replaced because I felt I'd be getting a lot of readers.

    Draconix-2090: Oh, you haven't seen anything of Scyther... anything... *big grin*



    By the way, is nobody wondering who that man in the end was?
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2004

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