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The Region of Namew

crystalzapdos

J.J. Swatt
rating-PG

I've been writing stories for a while but no ones ever read them. That is why I am going to start off by letting you, the people of Serebii read them. This is my first fic of course.

The fictakes place in the fake region of Namew. Hope you enjoy it!



Chapter 1- Flint's Message​

"Beldum, use Take Down!" a sailor named Flint said. "Give him no mercy!" The Beldum charged strait into the Krabby. on the beach. The Krabby flew into the ocean.

"Yeah, again again!" five-year old Xaiver said. "Please?"

Xaivers mom was a gym leader and his dad was "an unknown Pokemon Trainer" as his mom always said. He lived with his grandparents in Ghostmar Town.Right now he was watching his moms friend battle wild Pokemon. Xaiver loved battling and Pokemon alone. One day he hoped to get a Pokemon of his own.

"Sorry kid. I told your grandpapy I'd have you back by five-o'clock."

"But....Please?" Xaiver begged.

"All right, one more. This time I'll use Mudkip."

Just as he said this a eighteen aged man walked up on the beach. "Tchhh, a Mudkip? Weak!"

"One, who are you," Flint said. "And two, I'll have you know that I like Mudkips!"

"I liek Mudkipz," Xaiver blurted out.

"I," the man said with a grim smile, "I am LFZ."

"LFZ?! LFZ?! What type of name is that?" Flint started laughing.

"I have Elite Four titles in Kanto, Johto, Alphebet islands, and Namew. I own the Alphebet islands league. I have a independant gym on the Sevii islands. I have my own Company. To toip that all off, I'm only eighteen," he said with a satisfied smile.

Flint stoped laughing. "Right, LFZ Co. I do know you."

LFZ, they need you back in Boardwalk City. The leaders about to exploud if you don't lend him that Blastoise," a four-teen year old boy said. He walked down the beach in a blue, black, and red shirt, Jeans, and a white hat.

"Gotta go, don't wanna be late!" LFZ said as he ran to towards the nearest city.

"I hope he didn't bother you. Hi, my names Seth, LFZ's cousin and Vice presedent of LFZ Co. Nice to meet you."

"Hi, I'm Flint."

"Well hello Flint. You seem like a good trainer. You have a nice ship there too. Our headquarters are in Cainwood City, Johto. Drop by sometime."

"I will. Bye."

"See ya sometime soon," Seth said as he tried to catch up to LFZ.

"Allright, Xaiver. Time too take you home." Flint said.

"Can we take the boat?"

"Sure, but I have too make a stop somewhere."
 
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Pinsirius

Sentimental Fool ;)
rating-PG

I've been writing stories for a while but no ones ever read them. That is why I am going to start off by letting you, the people of Serebii read them. This is my first fic of course.

The fictakes place in the fake region of Namew. Hope you enjoy it!



Chapter 1​

"Beldum, use Take Down!" a sailor named Flint said. "Give him no mercy!" The Beldum charged strait into the Krabby. on the beach. The Krabby flew into the ocean.

"Yeah, again again!" five-year old Xaiver said. "Please?"

Xaivers mom was a gym leader and his dad was "an unknown Pokemon Trainer" as his mom always said. He lived with his grandparents in Ghostmar Town.Right now he was watching his moms friend battle wild Pokemon. Xaiver loved battling. He loved Pokemon. One day he hoped to get a Pokemon of his own.

You could probably fuse those last three sentences into two, if not one large one.

"Sorry kid. I told your grandpapy I'd have you back by five-o'clock."

But....Please?" Xaiver begged.

All right, one more. This time I'll use Mudkip."

Just as he said this a eight-teen aged man walked up on the beach. "Tchhh, a Mudkip? weak!"

Eighteen is one word. You might say "Just as he said this, an man of around eighteen walked onto the beach."

"One, who are you." Flint said. "And two, I'll have you know that I like Mudkips!"

You're going to want a comma after the first sentence, to indicate that Flint hasn't finished talking.

"I liek Mudkipz," Xaiver blurted out.

I must third this strange notion.

"I," the man said with a grim smile, "I am LFZ."

"LFZ?! LFZ?! what type of name is that?" Flint started laughing.

"I have Elite Four titles in Kanto, Johto, Alphebet islands, and Namew. I have own the Alphebet islands league. I have a independant gym pn the Sevii islands. I have my own Company. To toip that all off, I'm only 18," he said with a satisfied smile.

Odd grammar bits here; maybe "I own the Alphabet Islands League".

Flint stoped laughing. "Right, LFZ Co. I do know you."

LFZ, they need you back in Boardwalk City. The leaders about to exploud if you don't lend him that Blastoise," a four-teen year old boy said. He walked down the beach in a blue, black, and red shirt, Jeans, and a white hat.

Exploud, as a name, is a proper noun and needs to be capitalized. I see what you did there.

"Gotta go, don't wanna be late!" LFZ said as he ran to towards the nearest city.

"I hope he didn't bother you. Hi, my names Seth, LFZ's cousin and Vice presedent of LFZ Co. Nice to meet you."

"Hi, I'm Flint."

"Well hello Flint. You seem like a good trainer. You have a nice ship there too. Our headquarters are in Cainwood City, Johto. Drop by sometime."

"I will. Bye."

"See ya sometime soon," Seth said as he tried to catch up to LFZ.

'Allright, Xaiver. Time too take you home." Flint said.

"Can we take the boat?"

"Sure, but I have too make a stop somewhere."

Looks like we have an introducton. Is Flint as wannabe? What is this LFZ company that somehow took root in tiny old Cianwood? Why does Flint liek Mudkips so vehemently? Things I must know!
 

crystalzapdos

J.J. Swatt
I made a few Corrections in Chapter 1, most pointed out by Pinsirius (thanks)

Also I have been busy lately, but Chapter two should be up Tuesday.
 

crystalzapdos

J.J. Swatt
Well its been almost a month but on my old computer it would take forever to post this. But now I have a new Computer to replace my old one, so I can do this more often.


Chapter 2- Skyscrapers, Eevees, and Whirl'in islands.​

"Well good news kid, your grandpa said you could come with me," Flint said while steering the boat. He looked back and there was Xaiver sleeping in the chair.

Johto is northeast of Namew, so Cainwood was not that far.

When they got to Cainwood, Flint was surprised. Last time he was here, it was a small town, with not much value to anyone but fishermen. Now it it had a huge building, that Flint thought was LFZ Co. The headquarters being there attracted many new buildings to arise. It looked like they were building a city on the Whirl islands. Why? Why would anyone want to live with a cave right down the block. Come to think of it, thats pretty much all the Whirl islands were, caves. There was little land. How were they building anything there?

There was also a major Port now, with Plenty of room to Park ships. As Flint docked the boat, Xaiver awoke. Saying nothing, he just went with Flint.

They walked out and Flint figured out Quickly that not only was this dock for parking boats but it also conected Cainwood to the Whirl islands.

LFZ Co. was at the end of the dock, right on the ocean. Inside there was a reception counter, and an elevator to the right. The chart on the elevator said that Seth's office was on the thirty-seventh floor, the Third to last. The top floor was whited out, and the second to last was LFZ's office.

Flin t decided to go top the third Floor, a Daycare. He left Xaiver with them and made his way to Seth.

In Seth's office, Seth was running out the door in concern saying, "I have to get to the Whirl islands!" As he ran by Flint, he did not even notice him.
Seth had tears in his eyes. It had to be something serious.

Meanwhile at the Daycare....

There lay Xaiver resting when he awoke to "Eevee! Eevee Eevee!" when he looked there was a Eevee in a corner suronded by two Jolteon and a Leafreon. A man came over and seprated the four, and the Eevee came running to Xaiver.

When Flint came in to tell Xaiver they were going to the Whirl islands, Xaiver said bye to the Eevee and went with Flint.

Finally they got to the Whirl island s and....... they could not belive what they saw.
 

crystalzapdos

J.J. Swatt
Yay, chapter 3.

Chapter 3- Solo man and the Pokemon Murder​


"Just heal the Pokemon. How long could it take!" a tall man said to the nurse at the Pokemon Center.

Lex was tall man with Black hair. He wore a Black cape with a black hat, keeping his idenity covered. He wore Black boots to top it all off. In battle, trainers could not even see his face.

Lex belived that a trainer should care for one Pokemon. Instead of growing a bond with six Pokemon, he could grow an even stronger Bond with just one. Training was just the same. why have six average Pokemon when you could just have one strong Pokemon?

Yet it was also a burden. Finally the day came. He turned eight teen. He could submit his gym puzzle, badge design, and Pokemon to the Johto league. Sadly, the Johto league didn't except his registration for one reason. It was because he only had one Pokemon, Gible. They said the minimum amount of Pokemon to have was two. Outraged, he did not even bother to train a second Pokemon. The dragon Den elders insisted, but he refused. Then the day came that they would force him to get a second one. They gave him a Dratini. After that he ran away. He went to the Namew region to open an independent gym. That was also a failure. After that he just wandered the land hopelessly.

But the other day he herd of a place named LFZ Co. They were opening a league on the aphebet islands. Maybe he could sign up there. So far they only had three gyms.

But it was all the way in Cainwood City. Sure there was a land route, but there was a faster way: a boat.

He headed for Boardwalk City.

......................​

On the dock was Seth along with a Pokemon that looked like a Seviper. It was not just a Seviper. It was a dead Seviper. Seth, along with a Blaziken, Agron, Lanturn, Hairyama, and Blastoise all in shock.

LFZ came walking down the dock. "Seth, get back to work."

"But, sir' Seth said, wiping tears from his face. "My Seviper its.... its... its dead."

Awwww, boo hoo. Its a murder mystery. Who killed it the beast of the Whirl islands? Has it finally awoken like some people said? No! Now get back to work!"

"Yes, sir." Seth said sadly, walking back to the building.

"What are you look'in at?" LFZ told Flint. "Ya think your tough? You wanna battle me."

"Yeah, yeah I do. Go, Tyrouge."

"Tyrouge? Please. Go, ........

"Yeah boss, the Pokemons dead." a man said in nearby tower. "The plans in place."

"Hmmmmmmm, good." said a deep voice. "Now we can get the man."
 

GastlyMan

Ghost Type Trainer
The only issue I see with your fic is a lack of proper editing. For example, you capitalize words like "black" and "quickly" that do not need capitalization.

Seth's shock over the death of his Seviper was good, although sad of course, and probably could've been drawn out a bit longer.

You might benefit from describing your environments a bit more. Other than that, you did a good job. The prospect of a new region sounds exciting.
 
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crystalzapdos

J.J. Swatt
Thanks for the tips GastlyMan. Most of the capitalzation is just careless errors that I need to watch out for. I do need to describe more. I'm not going to edit the preveous chapters with more description, though I am going to start in chapter 4.


Chapter 4- Team-X​


"Salamence, return," LFZ said after it took out Flint's Tyrouge with one hit with Flamethrower "Go, Venusaur."

Flint had just sent out Mudkip, who is weak to water. Luckily, Mudkip is his ace Pokemon with many tricks up his sleeve.

Venusaur had came quick with a razor leaf. "Mudkip, Get under the dock"
Mudkip dodged the attack and got under the dock.

There was not even water under the dock, mainly puddles with lots of rocks. This gave Flint an idea. Mudkip could use the rocks for defense and use Brick break on them. The rocks would also hit Venusaur with extra damage from the Brick Break.

Unfortunatly, before he could do this LFZ ordered his Venusaur to use Sludge Bomb on the dock. The poison was so strong that it just melted though the wood.

Another one hit KO.

As Flint grabbed his last Pokeball, a dart flew by him. There were men in black suits. They were on top of the Whirl islands resort hotel. "Those people, could they be team Rocket?" Flint asked.

"Impossible, they were broken up five years ago. Didn't you see that X on those uniforms? They're Team-X. They were messing with my region. We ran them off, but it looks like they might have come back."

"Hope they don't mess with you. I have to go."

"But our battle," LFZ said. "I was about to beat you."

"I don't feel like getting hit by poison darts, now good-bye."

LFZ did not say anything back, but just thought, "He got potential, the kids got potential."

As Flint and Xaiver got on the ship, they did not know that something was following them.

.....................​

Lex was mad that the ship was not at the port just outside Boardwalk City. There was only one other way: the land route.

The land route to Cainwood on the other side of Namew. He would have to go though many citys and towns, come across many dangers, and even go across the ice mountains, something his Gible would be weak at. He and Gible promised to go though whatever it takes to reach their dream of a gym leader. Even if it means a battle with LFZ, one of the strongest trainers out there.
 
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GastlyMan

Ghost Type Trainer
"Impossible, they were broken up five years ago. Didn't you see that X on those uniforms? Their Team-X. They were messing with my region. We ran them off, but it looks like they might have come back."
Change the emboldened text to "They're" because it's a contraction of "they" and "are."

"I don't feel like get hit by poison darts, now good-bye."
Getting hit

Your description has improved somewhat, so good job on that...Team X sounds really interesting.
Even if it means a battle with LFZ, one of the strongest trainers out there.
Good concluding passage. However, you had a minor tense issue - change means to meant to stay consistent with the past tense. Also, maybe change "out there" to "in the whole region" or "in all the land..." or something of that nature. "Out there" seems rather informal for the dramatic effect you're trying to produce; it would be better suited in a passage of dialogue. But that's just my opinion. :)

Good job; keep it up and all that, and I'm looking forward to what happens next.
 

crystalzapdos

J.J. Swatt
Thanks for reviewing, GastlyMan.


Chapter 5- A New Beginning​

10 Years Later........

"War is over. After yesterdays 59 murders in Goldenrod City, the Jhoto president gave over the Safari Zone, Cainwood City, The Whirl islands, and Olivine City to the Alphebet islands. The War has ceased for now, though how long will it be before they take over the rest of Jhoto? Is Kanto next?"

"It seems that Namew is safe for now. In the three years this war has been raging on, approximately 50,000 men have died. It could only be a matter of days before the army attacks Dark Hill."

As Xaiver threw the remote on his bed, he knew today was the day. Three years ago, he and his first Pokemon Eevee. War had prevented him from traveling across the land as a Pokemon trainer.

When he was five, him and his friend, Flint, went to Cainwood city to do some stuff he did not understand. When they left, an Eevee followed them on the ship. He wanted to stay with Xaiver, and he did.

Downstairs, his mom was getting ready for work. "I have to go to work. Have fun on your journey," she said as she zipped though the door.

You would think its odd that that's all she said, but he was used to it. His mom was a gym leader and was always busy taking on trainers.

As he walked out into the tiny Ghostmar town, he did not know what to do.
He thought he should go to the Pokemart to stock up on items for his journey.

One reason Ghostmar town was so small was all the Ghost types. There were even two huge towers full of dead Pokemon and Ghost.

Xaiver also had many ideas on what to evolve his Eevee into. In the end, he just decided not to evolve it. He had one stone of each type, just in case.

The Pokemart was right next to the ocean. He walked in and bought Antidotes, Poitions, Awakenings, Burn Heals, and of course Pokeballs. His grandma walked in the store. She said goodbye because she looked after him.

He felt like the king of the world until he had one thought. His dad.

His dad became a Pokemon trainer at the same age as him. He was powerful. He was beyond powerful. He never went to school. He did all of his learning on his own. He wanted to become a powerful trainer so bad. He did. Then he met his mom. He left before he was even born. No one even knows where he is now. He could be in plan sight.

At the beginning of the first Route, a Gabite ran at them. "Run kid," a man said. He was running away from three men in black uniforms with X's. Xaiver ran with him.

"Quick, come to my house," Xaiver said. They ran in the house.

"I think we lost them. Thanks. My name is Lex."

"Xaiver."

Then the men busted in the house. "Wheres the Pokeball," one of them said. "The one you took from the president of the alphebet islands."
 

GastlyMan

Ghost Type Trainer
Three years ago, he and his first Pokemon Eevee.
Sentence fragment.
One reason Ghostmar town was so small was all the Ghost types. There were even two huge towers full of dead Pokemon and Ghost.
That sounds like my kind of town! :D

However, you didn't exactly explain how the multitude of ghost types contributed to the town's small size. I would elaborate more on that. Did the ghosts scare away potential residents?

So, is Xavier going to be searching for his dad during his travels? If so, that will be an interesting subplot. There were a few other grammatical errors and such throughout, which is why I suggest you proofread a little bit more. However, you did a decent job otherwise.

Also, in the last paragraph, you spelled "alphabet" wrong...just FYI.
 
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