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The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum

Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by bobandbill, Jun 13, 2007.

  1. storymasterb

    storymasterb Knight of RPGs

    Bob and Bill, I think the warning about a random person having a weird afro is completely unessacary. We know its Miror B.
  2. alzzy126

    alzzy126 GOLDEN SHINX

    He was trying to be funny, the story is comedic as is the Rating so shut up.
  3. Tadashi

    Tadashi kiss my greens

    Oh God, when I saw this fic advertised in your sig, I just HAD to come check it out. I love the Orre games like no tomorrow. I’m serious, best games ever.

    Actually, I’ve never played Colosseum. I bought and played XD throughly, but now that I can actually read about Colosseum, I now understand certain references about certain characters and towns/cities better than just having XD knowledge. This makes me very happy ^^ One day, I shall have to track down Colosseum and buy it.

    I f***ing love your disclaimer for Miror B on the first page. (Warning – There is a high possibility of a random person possessing a large, flamboyant afro.) I snorted XD;

    I’m looking forward to reading up until the very end of Wes' excellent adventure :)
  4. Cplender

    Cplender Roar!!!

    I love it, all your jokes, you're doing a great job!
  5. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Chapter (finally) up!

    Yes. I have it done.

    But first, reply to reviews!

    Thanks a lot. I do have a long way to go... thanks for the good luck wish. :)
    Thanks. I'm not sure I will deviate fromt he roiginal plot too much, but there will be some changes, yes. But Not too many, methinks?
    On your theory... maybe. I'll need to resee the conversation again. :)
    1. Ain't telling, tis a secret. I've got an answer already though. :)
    2. ...maybe.
    3. No, she ain't pyschic. Some more on the such might actually be revelead in the next chapter...
    4. Who knows. Maybe he doesn't even have a 'hise'? Some things may never be revealed.... or will they?
    5. Hmm, that's something to consider, certainly. That crazy Dakim. Again, have some ideas, and not revealing them yet. :)

    Ok then... well, glad you like Tom... that post be a tad spammy though.
    Well, wouldn't help Wes much, would it? Oh well. Thanks for the praise. :)
    Umm... missing point much? You see-
    ...yeah, there ya go. Methinks you didn't even read the story, did you? You just came and said something pointless, missing the obvious. Meh, I've no time time for spammers. You summed it up, alzzy. :)
    See, antoher person who egts the message. ;)
    Thanks for the review. Hopefully if you do play Colosseum the plotholes won't annoy you too much. :)
    Thanks. ;)
    Cheers for the reviews, all.

    After too long a break, I've finally done it. My writing may be a bit off after the break, but we shall see.

    I've also gone over the prologue and chapters 1 to 7 thus far, only I haven't updates many of them here as of yet. probably will over the next few days, but recently my focus has been on this chapter. No real changes to anything plotwise or anything, albeilt that I've done a bit more on Wes IN PREVIOUS CHAPTERS NOT THIS ONE as a character and have mentioned that he has come from another region into Orre.

    Last chapter we were up to Miror B's battle - and now we continue with it about to begin. I'm afaraid I haven't done enough justice to how awesome Miror B really is... I have tried for some more description, and unfortantely probably have a few mistakes in there as well. I've tried some proofreading but due to doing that with a lot of beta reports recently...

    ANYWAYS, here is the next chapter. Enjoy!

    I request that you, prior to reading this chapter, to get hold of Miror B’s salsa music and play it during the battle. Google search a download of it, or find a Miror B battle on YouTube or something, but do try to do so. Heck, here's a link! For Miror B’s music makes everything that much more awesome.

    Chapter 11 – Who needs a Chapter title? It’s Miror B!

    “Let’s begin, my Ludicolo! We’re inside, so start off by using Water Sport! Spray the cave with it!” Miror B said, kicking off the battle in a musical way, singing his command to the salsa music.

    “Ludicolo!” (Water time!) said the pair of Ludicolo, quacking in response as they started dancing before expelling large amounts of water all over the cave floor. A small section around Miror B’s feet however remained dry, so he could dance without slipping on his mini-stage in the middle of the room.

    “Right, Umbreon, try a Bite attack on the Ludicolo to your left, Espeon, you too with Confusion,” Wes said, as his two Pokemon obliged. Umbreon charged at the Ludicolo only for it to side-step gracefully while dancing elegantly with stubby legs, causing Umbreon to miss and receive a jet of water to the face from the Ludicolo for his trouble. Espeon merely stayed where he was and sent a wave of psychic power into the Ludicolo – it recoiled in pain, but managed to keep in time with its dancing.

    “Again, another Water Sport! Then Water Gun!” Miror B sang. Again the two Ludicolo shot out water everywhere, dousing the cave with water. Then the Ludicolo directed their aim at Umbreon and Espeon – Umbreon slipped on the damp ground but managed to regain his balance and spring out of the way just in time. Meanwhile Espeon merely threw up a Reflect, the water rebounding off the wall of light he conjured up and hitting the Ludicolo instead.

    “Counter with Bite and Confusion!” Wes commanded – Umbreon charged forward again only to be forced back with a flurry of Fury Swipes attacks from his target Ludicolo, the Pokemon swinging out its arms haphazardly in defence. The other was not so lucky, unable to defend against the Confusion attack. It held his head in pain but still managed to incorporate it into a dance move.

    “Well, Wes, here we go – ready?” taunted Miror B. “I want to know – have you ever seen the rain?” he sung suddenly, before the two Ludicolo started a different dance.

    “Ludi Ludi Ludicolo!” (Dance Dance Revolution!) they quacked, and while stepping together in unison, they did a dance somewhat reminiscent of the Mexican Hat dance. Strange energy seemed to radiate off of them, as suddenly the water splattered on the ground started to rise as water vapour towards the ceiling of the cave, before it started condensing and fell to the ground again as rain. In a short moment it was a continuous cycle of rain, and a carpet of cloud covered the ceiling.

    Man, that’s a nice Rain Dance, Wes thought in admiration. Miror B had first made the water readily available, before getting his Ludicolo to make a mini-weather pattern to occur - and inside a cave of all places!

    “Espi!” (I hate rain!) the Pokemon cried, as his fur coat shortly became damp, then wet as the rain started to fall harder. Umbreon didn’t seem to mind as much, ignoring the rain as he avoided a Water Gun attack from a Ludicolo. Rui quietly stepped out of the range of the rain to avoid getting wet herself, and Johnson looked questioningly at the shower, confused at how it could be raining inside. Wes however remained absorbed in the battle, not noticing his coat had become heavy and drenched with water. He was racking his brain to remember what he knew about Ludicolo – he faintly recalled that in rain, Ludicolo regained health – that ability was called Rain Dish or something - and they were faster in rain. The Ludicolo’s dancing confirmed Wes’s thoughts, as water landing in their ‘hats’ seemed to be absorbed into their bodies, and they started dancing at a more frantic pace, only to still stick in time to the music.

    “Yes, I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain...” Miror B started singing joyfully.

    “Wes, how does he manage to sing that to the tune of his salsa music? And - WHAT THE HELL?” Rui asked, noticing Miror B take a pink umbrella out of nowhere, unfurl it and stick it in his afro. Wes merely gaped at Miror B’s technique of keeping himself dry, and so did Wes’s Pokemon.

    “Yes, I feel like a - Water Gun now!” Miror B shouted suddenly, as the two Ludicolo abruptly blasted two jets of water from their mouths at Umbreon, who gave a wail of surprise.

    “Espeon!” (No fair! You distracted us!)

    “Now, Leech Seed everywhere!” Miror B commanded, ignoring Espeon’s comment, and in response the Ludicolo fired out multiple seeds from their beaks. Many landed on the ground and started to sprout into small plants, but a few landed on Espeon and Umbreon. They instantly grew and started wrapping up Espeon and Umbreon, tangling their legs up and making them fall over. The two Pokemon gave cries of pain as the plants started sucking energy from them.

    “Now, Mega Drain on them!” Miror B shouted, and the two Ludicolo started sucking energy from all of the Leech Seeds, green pulses of energy seemingly flowing from the sprouts into the Ludicolo, including the plants entwining Espeon and Umbreon. Slowly, they were losing strength, while the Ludicolo gained it.

    “Quick, Espeon, blast them with a wide-spread Confusion!” Wes commanded, regaining his composure despite Miror B’s large distracting umbrella in his afro. Espeon emitted a wave of psychic energy, distorting the air and engulfing the cave. Instantly all the sprouts on the cave’s floor and walls withered and died, and the ones on Espeon and Umbreon followed suit. With a sigh of relief, the two Pokemon struggled to their feet, free from the tangle of roots but with less health then what they had started with.

    “Nice, you stopped that tactic. But that’s not all I can do! Another Water Gun attack on Umbreon, my lovelies!” Miror B said, as the Ludicolo fired off another pair of powerful blue jets at Umbreon. Umbreon quickly darted to the right to dodge one, but ended up getting hit by the other, unable to move quickly enough.

    “Now, Fury Swipes!” At this, the two Ludicolo danced forward and swatted at Umbreon with their arms, striking repeatedly at him as he tried to escape the two. Espeon ran in to help, only to find himself on the receiving end of the attack instead.

    Great, he’s really good at this, Wes thought. He’s got us on the defensive as those Ludicolo are too quick for us, and while the battle goes on, the Ludicolo keep getting health back while it rains! We’ve got to attack back!

    “Another Confusion, Espeon, on both Ludicolo! Umbreon, Tackle one of them!”

    Espeon responded by sending out two waves of his Confusion attack, holding the two Ludicolo back while Umbreon successfully hit one with his Tackle. The Ludicolo responded to the combination, blasting the two again before they could dodge with another dual Water Gun attack.

    “Umbreon and Espeon, Tackle and Return!”

    “Ludicolo – do your Evasion Dance!” Miror B countered, as Umbreon charged forward once more with another Tackle, and Espeon brimmed with positive energy before charging forward himself. The Ludicolo however began a new dance, and with graceful sidesteps easily dodged both Umbreon and Espeon, before striking them with another Fury Swipes attack, throwing the two against the wall. Umbreon and Espeon gingerly got up to their feet, with little energy left in them.

    Great, now I can’t hit them with them dancing like that! Wes pondered, frowning furiously at the feebleness of the situation. The only thing that hits them is the rain which keeps healing them… wait, hang on, I’ve got it!

    “Espeon, throw up a Reflect! Protect yourself and Umbreon!” Wes shouted.

    “Stop them with Water Gun!” Miror B sang, but as the two torrents of water flew at the two, Espeon conjured up a wall of light in the last second, protecting him and Umbreon as the Water rebounded harmlessly off into a cave wall.

    “Hold it up, Espeon! Umbreon, charge up a Secret Power, and get it as large as possible before firing!” Wes yelled over the music, as Miror B sang out encouragements to his Ludicolo, who tried to take down the barrier with more Water Guns. It held, but shakily as the radiant barricade shimmered uneasily, Espeon throwing his concentration at keeping it up. Meanwhile Umbreon charged up a large, bright ball of electricity – a Secret Power attack.

    “Espeon, get ready to split it in two when it’s fired! Wait for it…” Wes said, looking for the moment to attack as Water Gun upon Water Gun rained upon the wall.

    “What are you planning?” Miror B asked.

    “Now! At the clouds right above their heads!” Wes shouted, spotting a short gap between the attacks, and with that, the wall of light fell down, and two streams of electricity jutted towards the rain cloud occupying the ceiling. The section of cloud absorbed the attack, and then spat down rain brimming with electricity at the Ludicolo. They quacked loudly in pain and stopped dancing, clutching their heads as raindrop upon raindrop of water and electricity struck them, their Rain Dish ability now a vice as they absorbed the shocks.

    “Now Espeon, Confusion!” Wes shouted, and as the wave of energy hit the two Ludicolo they feebly quacked and slumped to the ground, fainted.

    “Yes! We beat them!” Wes cried happily, glad to have overcome the long and tedious battle.

    “Fufufu… you got me with great balls of thunder!” Miror B sung as he recalled his two Ludicolo into their Pokeballs. “But… Go, and Water Gun them now!” he shouted. Sending out two more Ludicolo, they promptly fired two Water Guns, hitting Espeon and Umbreon squarely in their heads.

    “Espi…” (Oh dear, there we go…) he moaned.

    “Umbre!” (Umbreon’s going down!) cried Umbreon, as the two also slumped to the ground, tired out by the direct hits.

    Wes shakily recalled them, and examined the two new Ludicolo. “Good grief… more Ludicolos? But I just beat them!”

    “Hahaha, you’ll never overcome my Ludicolo army! Now, Rain Dance again!” he cried. Quacking in response, the pair joined hands and started a different dance.

    No, Wes thought. They’re surely not… they’re doing the Can-Can? Wes thought in shock, as the Pokemon began to do just that.

    “Ludi!” (Dance dance!) chanted one, kicking out enthusiastically as the rain began to pick up again, the threat from Secret Power having dissipated by now.

    “Ludicolo Ludi!” (Yes we do a dance dance!) The other Ludicolo sung.

    “Ludicolo Ludi!” (Now we do a rain dance!)

    “Ludi Colo Ludi Ludi Ludi Ludi!” (Can you do a dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance!)

    “Too many Ludicolo….” Rui muttered worriedly, looking at Miror B and his Ludicolo with bemusement. The rain was falling harder than ever now, pouring down up all underneath the clouds that occupied the roof of the cave.

    “Go, try your best, Makuhita and Croconaw,” Wes said, sending out his next two Pokemon. They immediately assumed battle positions, staring down the Ludicolo.

    “Makuhita?” (Rain in a cave?) Makuhita questioned upon being sent out.

    “Croconaw? Croc?” (Dancing Ludicolos? And Afro-man?) Croconaw said, equally as confused as Makuhita at the situation before him.

    “…Yes, I’d admit it seems odd,” said Wes, conceding the fact. “But first, open with-”

    “Ha, Wes, you did well!” Johnson suddenly shouted, beaming as he stepped forward into the ring and interrupted Wes’s command. Both Makuhita and Croconaw glanced at Johnson curiously. “But I, the brave and wonderful Johnson, shall win! Go, Magikarp!” he said, sending out his flopping fish Pokemon.

    “…Eh, he might win again,” Wes mumbled, stepping away to let Johnson try his luck with his surprisingly powerful Magikarp.

    “A fishy like Magikarp?” Miror B asked dubiously. “Well, I’m not about to take any chances! I’m going to test your lovelies – with this!” Miror B sang, picking up another radio lying around the floor. He then stopped the music playing on the radio, took out the tape and inserted it into the other. Music blazed out of the radio, louder than ever.

    “But… you’re still playing the same song!” Rui cried, confused. “What’s the point of… hey, what the heck!?!” she shouted in shock, noticing that her feet had stopped obeying her, as they started tapping to the beat.

    “Makuhita! Maku!” (Stupid feet, stop dancing!) Makuhita shouted, threatening to punch his legs, as they too started moving to the music.

    “Croconaw!” (I can’t stop it!) Croconaw cried, finding himself in the same dilemma. Wes too found himself joining in, helpless as he started dancing in the rain.

    “So, you think you can dance?” Miror B chuckled, amused at the group as he placed the radio by his mini-stage. “This is my special radio that my dear friend in Cipher made me! Instead of merely playing the song, it sends out suggestive waves that force you to dance! So, try fighting me while you jive to the music! I assure you, it’s the only way to battle – with dance!” he sung. Meanwhile, Johnson’s Magikarp flopped along to the music – and started flopping out of the cave as well, unable to control where it could go.

    “Hey, come back!” Johnson cried, dancing an Irish Jig after his Magikarp and out of the cave. Soon after the sound of shouts and splashes could be heard.

    “Ah great, so I have to do the work,” Wes complained, guessing that Johnson may have fallen into the underground lake of water outside the cave. Wes tried unsuccessfully to stop dancing, but his feet seemed to have a mind of their own. He spied Rui from the corner of his eye not having any more success either at getting her feet to obey her.

    “My feet are uncomfortably energetic!” Rui cried in dismay.

    “Now, my Ludicolo, keep the Rain Dance going and Water Gun away!”

    Wes frowned – if his Pokemon were to win they’d just have to do it with dance, as strange as that was. There didn’t seem to be any way getting around it.

    “You’ll have to dance out of the way of the attacks, instead of just dodging as normal! Just… try to go with the flow, I suppose. Croconaw, dodge their Water Gun attack and strike back with your Water Gun! Use the rain to gain power with it! Makuhita, just dodge for now!” Wes shouted, as the two new Ludicolo charged up dual Water Gun attacks.

    “Croconaw!” (Whatever you say, sir!) Croconaw responded confidently, as he danced out of the way of an incoming Water Gun and fired back, hitting one of the Ludicolo square in the face with his attack.

    “Hita!” (Die!) Makuhita cried,and ignoring Wes’s orders he tried to charge forward. His attempt failed however as his dancing feet didn’t agree with his sudden change of pace and direction, tripping him up and leaving him vulnerable to a Water Gun attack, which struck him hard.

    “Maku!” (Stupid feet!) Makuhita cried, gingerly getting to his feet. He once again tried charging at one of the Ludicolo in anger, but tripped up again, face planting right in front of one of the Ludicolo. Once more he was blasted by a Water Gun attack, sent skidding across the cave floor.

    “My Ludicolo! Take these!” Miror B called, procuring two pairs of maracas out of nowhere and tossing them to his Ludicolo. “Hit them with your rhythm sticks!”

    “Ludi Ludi Ludi!” (Hit you hit you hit you!) they chorused, shaking the maracas madly and wildly as they used Fury Swipes. Croconaw successfully evaded one of the Ludicolo’s attacks and returned a Scratch attack of his own, but Makuhita refused to let his feet do the moving for him, and ended up on the receiving end of the maracas.

    “Croconaw! Help Makuhita and get rid of the maracas!” Wes called, as Croconaw hurriedly danced in and collided into the Ludicolo attacking Makuhita, the Pokemon releasing a surprised quack as it was sent flying, dropping his maracas as it sped through the air and crashed into a cave wall. The other Ludicolo quickly danced to its aid, trying to help the other to its feet as it flailed its arms and legs in the air, as it attempted to dance while lying on the ground. Makuhita looked surprised at Croconaw’s act of help, before glancing at Wes.

    “Makuhita! Listen to me!” Wes said pleadingly. “If you don’t dance to the music, you won’t be able to hit them!”

    “…Maku,” (Oh, fine,) Makuhita conceded.

    “Good – try to remember that,” Wes said, noticing that the two Ludicolo still trying to regather themselves – the other got knocked over as well by one of the stubby legs of the thrashing Ludicolo, losing hold of his maracas as well. “Now, Croconaw, go in and hit with one with Scratch, Makuhita, you strike the other!”

    “Stop them with Water Gun! And get to your feet quickly!” Miror B called, noticing his two Ludicolo still struggling to their feet. Both managed to aim their beaks at Croconaw and Makuhita and send out two Water Gun attacks, but both Croconaw and Makuhita managed to dance out of the way while building momentum. They rammed into the two Ludicolo, Croconaw savagely striking out with his claws at one, while Makuhita started punching the other. Both Ludicolo found a few more reasons to get to their feet, as they did so while getting pummelled and tried to run away from their assailants.

    “That’s it!” Wes called over Miror B’s cries of protest. “Charge at them again!”

    Croconaw obliged, sensing his Ludicolo was on the back foot. He chased it down, this time biting its sombrero. Makuhita danced menacingly towards the other, who confidently stood ready to counter-attack.

    Suddenly, Makuhita changed direction, and instead of trying to punch the Ludicolo before him he made a beeline for the radio.

    “MAKUHITA!” (Die stupid music!) he cried, and with that started punching and kicking the poor radio. The music started to waver, and then abruptly stopped as the radio gained many dents and lost various pieces of its machinery.

    “NO!” Miror B cried in shock, diving for the radio as he swatted Makuhita away, who looked surprised at this retaliation from Miror B. “My radio! My salsa tape!”

    “Yes!” cried Rui. “The music’s stopped! I don’t have to dance any more!” She was right - as the music ceased to play, so did their impulse to dance. Their feet reluctantly stopped dance, as all besides Miror B and his Ludicolo heaved sighs of relief.

    “Thanks goodness - hey, look!” Wes said, pointing at the Ludicolo. Although they were still dancing, the lack of music seemed to affect them, the dwindling tempo of their dance and looks of dismay all too evident.

    “Great - now is the time to strike! Makuhita and Croconaw - move in and get them! Finish them off!” said Wes.

    “Croconaw!” (Feel my wrath!) Croconaw said, striking out with sharp claws at one of the Ludicolo - startled, it quacked out and held its hands out in a dismal attempt to protect itself.

    “Makuhita!” (Die dancers die!) cried Makuhita, as he marched up to a Ludicolo, who tried to attack his with a Fury Swipes attack. Makuhita merely raised his arms across his head, crossing them over and blocking the attack with ease. Smiling with mischief, he then waved off the Ludicolo’s arms and then viciously struck the Ludicolo with both arms.

    “Wow… that’s a good attack there, Makuhita!” Wes called out, impressed at the damage seemingly dished out to the Ludicolo. As Croconaw and Makuhita ran rampant against their two opponents, Miror B ignored the events around him, his focus currently lying on the radio.

    “Aha! It’s still intact!” cried Miror B, producing a music tape from the badly beaten radio. Somehow, it had remained intact. Miror B scampered to his other radio, and hurriedly thrust the tape in, and hit the play button. He sighed as music flooded through his ears - music was sweet relief.

    “Yes, it still works. Now, you shall feel my vengeance at breaking my special radio, and almost destroying my tape! Get them, my lov…” Miror B shouted, before realising that his Pokemon lay fainted on the group, with a victorious Makuhita and Croconaw before them.

    “…Great. You beat them as well? Maybe I should have paid more attention to the battle…but my condition wouldn’t allow it, unfortunately,” Miror B muttered.

    “Finally!” said Rui, exhausted by the battle - it wasn’t often that she had to dance while merely watching a Pokemon battle.

    “Ah, but I have yet one more Pokemon! Go, do me proud!” Miror B said, pulling a Pokeball from his pocket and tossing it out.

    Please, PLEASE not another Ludicolo, Wes thought grimly, watching the Pokeball land and produce a Pokemon. Wes was spared however, as a different form took shape. From it appeared a small brown Pokemon, looking extraordinarily like a tree with legs, complete with green leaf-like objects upon its branches. A small, almost unnoticeable mouth and two small, beady eyes indicated where its head was. All in all it was shorter than one of the Duking’s kids in height - however, it roared loudly, and shook its branches threateningly, trying to intimidate and going a good job of it too.

    “What is that? Even I haven’t seen such a strange-looking Pokemon before,” Wes said.

    “Whatever it is… it’s Shadow!” Rui said. “A dark aura and everything!”

    “Come on now, my Sudowoodo!” Miror B cried. “Beat those Pokemon down, and try to dance just like we’ve practised!” Miror B commanded; however Wes couldn’t help notice a slight hint of pleading in his voice.

    “Sudowoodo!” (I’m going to be… huh?) The Pokemon shouted, before noticing that it was raining - although the intensity of the downpour had dwindled with the fainting of the Ludicolo, it was still going. With a cry, the Sudowoodo started to panic and run around in frantic circles, its intimidating demeanour now gone.

    “Err, what?” Rui asked.

    “Hmm,” Wes said, glancing at his P*DA. “It seems that Sudowoodo are Pokemon that look like trees so they can hide in forests… they are rock types however, and they don’t like water,” he said, looking back at the panicked Sudowoodo, who was now shouting madly while still running in circles. “I think that confirms it.”

    “No, you stupid thing! Oh, what kind of dance is that?” Miror B moaned, face palming himself. “I knew I should have brought some more Ludicolo… hey, don’t do that!” Miror B cried, noticing Wes prime his Snag machine. It was too late however - within a mere moment Wes had chucked a Snag Ball at the Pokemon, and offering little resistance, the Snag Ball soon pinged a successful capture.

    “Finally, NOW we’ve beaten you,” Wes said, glad the ordeal was over.

    “Now, give us back Plusle!” Rui added.

    She received blank stares from both Miror B and Wes for a few moments. Then a few faint Pokemon cries suddenly sounded, from the room connected to the cave.

    Oh, THAT Plusle, Wes thought, remembering what they had come for.

    “Right, yes, Plusle,” Miror B said. “Well, you’ve beaten me, so I shall return him to you… great, now I have to go to jail,” he conceded with a sigh, walking over to his radio and changing the salsa music to a mournful, sad tune, while removing the large pink umbrella from his hair. “He’s in the next room; just press that button there to open the door.

    “Well, maybe you should have given up before when we offered you the chance,” Rui said simply as she walked over to the door, while Wes kept an eye on Miror B. She approached a small, red button on the door, pressed it -

    - and salsa music blazed loudly from the door as it opened. Rui and Wes cried out in pain as they clutched their ears.

    “Aha! You didn’t think I didn’t have a back up plan, did you?” Miror B shouted over the clamour, putting on some earmuffs, then moving to pick up his radio. He then observed Wes and Rui with a smile on his face, watching them unable to do anything but cringe at the noise. “With these earmuffs, I still hear the music, but not as loudly! I’m sorry I had to put you through this, but I’d much rather not go to jail, my darlings. Now, it’s time for me to be off!” With that, Miror B ducked down and ran through the opening leading to freedom with surprising speed. Wes made to follow him, then changed his mind, resuming his previous action of trying to block out the sound from his ears.


    After an eternity, the music then stopped almost as suddenly as it had started, as Wes and Rui slumped to the ground. Tired out, Wes picked Espeon’s and Umbreon’s Pokeballs, and sent out his two Pokemon again, who also looked tired after their battles.

    “Umbre! Umbreon!” (Hey, I could hear music from the… hey, where’s Miror B? Don’t tell me you lost…) Umbreon exclaimed, looking at Croconaw and Makuhita.

    “No, I won, but he had a trick up his sleeve. Espeon, check if he’s near!” Wes said with a sense of urgency in his voice. Espeon checked quickly with his psychic powers, then shook his head. All in the room fell silent.

    “It’s no use…” Wes said quietly a short while later. “He probably got away by now…”

    Then, more faint cries were emitted from behind the door.

    “Well, we got Plusle, didn’t we?” Rui smiled, as she got up to her feet. “Let’s go get him, then.”

    “Yeah, you’re right. It’s wasn’t all for nothing,” Wes said, managing a small smile. “How… weird was that though? We battled some crazy guy with a giant Pokeball-themed afro with a Ludicolo fetish, and halfway through it we were forced to dance during the battle! And the Ludicolo did the Can-can and had maracas, for crying out loud! It’s almost like some bored guy with nothing better to do came up with this crazy battle…” he said as he and Rui walked into the separate room.

    “Espeon…” (Well, um, sorry to break it to you…) Espeon began, before Umbreon cut him off.

    “Umbre?” (Wait, what do you mean, you were forced to dance?)

    “Croconaw!” (Afro-man had a crazy radio which made us all have to dance. It was weird!) Croconaw explained, as the group of Pokemon followed Wes and Rui. Espeon looked puzzled, while Umbreon pondered this piece of information.

    “Umb! Umbre…” (Cool! Aw, I missed out, I would have liked to have danced to cool music…)

    “Croconaw! Croc…” (No, you wouldn’t have, believe me! Although it was fun for a while…) Croconaw exclaimed, shaking his head as he relived the experience through his mind.

    “There’s Plusle!” Rui said excitedly, as the Pokemon joined her and Wes. The connecting room was a small and drab space, only brightened up by various lamps shining on the centre of the room. All aimed at a small, almost insignificant figure.

    The small mouse Pokemon was rather small small - similar in size to one of Rui’s boots. He was a light yellow in colour, save for red ears, cheeks and a plus-shaped tail. Upon seeing Wes and Rui, he began to jump up and down, giving small cries as he jumped, glad that he was safe for now.

    “Aww… isn’t he cute?” Rui said.

    “Espeon…” (Rather energetic for a kidnapped Pokemon if you ask me…) Espeon sniffed, noting how high the Pokemon was jumping as it jabbered.

    “Plusle Plusle Plusle!” (Yay you rescued me I’m so happy now I can go home and eat some potatoes!)

    “There, there, it’s ok,” Rui soothed, kneeling down to scoop up the small Pokemon. Unfortunately, Plusle got a bit ahead of himself, and let loose an excited charge of electricity, which travelled to Rui.


    “Espi…” (Yes, a bit too energetic…)


    A few hours later, the group was back at Sherles’ office. Wes and his Pokemon lied down on a couch along with Rui, exhausted by the battle, dancing, and in Rui’s case, being zapped by Plusle. The small rodent Pokemon was jumping around the room overcome by joy, as Duking and his children smiled, glad at being reunited with their Pokemon again.

    “Espeon…” (When will that blasted rodent stop bouncing off the walls?) Espeon said tiredly, observing the small Pokemon do just that. As Sherles walked in through the door with a tray of food for all, the small Pokemon jumped on his head and chattered excitedly.

    “Plusle Plusle Plusle!” (Hi there you’re a person I like persons I also like potatoes I’m hungry where are they!) he demanded hyperactively.

    “Hungry, eh? Well, here you go,” Sherles said, handing him a small puff pastry from the tray. Plusle pounced on it excitedly, devouring it while proclaiming its love for pastries.

    “Great idea, Sherles,” Wes proclaimed, grabbing a handful himself, and stuffing them down his throat. “I’mph starmphving,” he mumbled through a mouthful of food.

    “Really? Couldn’t tell,” Rui said, giggling at Wes as she too grabbed a couple.

    “Well, even if Miror B got away, it’s not as if we haven’t done a lot. Cipher gone from Pyrite in one fell swoop! It’s fantastic!” Sherles said happily. “We’ve arrested dozens of their people - we barely have any space left in the cells now to fit them into - and we’ve got helps to nail Cipher with. Leastways, that’s what I make out from the evidence.”

    “Thphat’s mreat!” Rui mumbled, her mouth also full with food. This time it was Wes’s turn to laugh at her.

    “By the way… where’s Johnson?” Sherles asked.

    “Johnson?” Wes repeated. “Oh, he’s…hmm, that’s a good question…”

    “I’m h-here,” a voiced called out, as Johnson walked in dripping wet, and a light shade of blue.

    “What the…” Sherles began.

    “I h-had t-t-to rescue M-m-m-magic-c-c….” Johnson mumbled, shivering uncontrollably. Rui went out of the room and quickly returned with a towel, handing it to Johnson who covered himself with it.

    “Magic? What are you blathering about?” Sherles scolded, as Johnson kept shivering.

    “Magikarp,” he managed, before collapsing into a chair, looking faint from his ordeal. He accepted a cup of warm drink from Rui before continuing. “I had to go swimming for him, you see.”

    “But Johnson,” Wes interjected, “Why didn’t you just use your Pokeball to return him?” Johnson blinked at Wes, considering the question.

    “Yeah, I probably should have done that in the first place…” Johnson said after a while, causing all in the room to face palm themselves.

    “Well done, Johnson,” Wes applauded sarcastically. “Well, I’m assuming you don’t know about it, but Miror B got away in the end. Apparently some people saw him running off out of town, but he had somehow slipped by Sherles and Duking.”

    Sherles’s tired nod confirmed this. “He must have used another escape route or something - but neither Duking nor I heard him, or his music. Was all that stuff about him having to hear music and his hair being natural really true?”

    “Well, he said so.”

    “Oh, Miror B got away.” Johnson said quietly. A moment later, he continued. “Is that a good, or a bad thing?”

    “Oh, for goodness sakes, Johnson! Why did I employ you?” Sherles asked. “It’s bad! And that’s not all as well,” Sherles added, deciding to ignore Johnson for the moment. “Firstly, I think it’s safe to say that Cipher is by far larger than what we thought. And that Miror B was only a small part of a much bigger operation. And so far the database is coming up with nothing on that Nascour fellow he mentioned… and take a look at this!” Sherles went outside for a short moment, before bringing inside an innocent-looking book titled ‘Team Cipher’s guide to being evil and stuff’. However, the thing that caught Wes’s attention was a small logo brandished on the dusty cover - a simple red ‘C’ situated on the middle.

    “That looks rather familiar, oddly enough,” Wes said.

    “What does the C stand for? Citrus?” Johnson asked.

    “Indeed - wait, no, Johnson.” Sherles hurriedly said with more than a hint of annoyance in his voice. “It stands for ‘shut the hell up, you imbecile’!”

    “…But that doesn’t start with ‘C’,” Johnson said simply. Sherles sighed, giving up on the lost cause.

    “It stands for Cipher - but that’s not all. In fact, it bears a rather striking resemblance to… this. Just printed it out,” Sherles said, pulling out another small logo, this time on a sheet of paper. Rui broke the silence, a puzzled expression on her face.

    “But… that’s Team Rocket’s logo! And… they look similar!” Rui cried, comparing the letter ‘C’ to the letter ‘R’ for Team Rocket’s logo.

    “Yes, they do. Confusing… I doubt Team Rocket are in this too, to be honest though. It may be that Cipher simply stole the design of their logo. Oh well, won’t be up to me to solve that.”

    “Wait,” Wes interjected. “What do you mean?”

    “Well,” Sherles began with a smile, “it seems that this bust up was big enough to attract some attention from the other bigger regions. Because of that, we can be expecting some help from their law forces. They’ll be over here in a couple of days.”

    “Wow!” Rui said, astounded.

    “Hey, I could impress the other police people as well!” Johnson added enthusiastically, looking better after his swimming ordeal.

    “But what about you?” Wes asked.

    “I don’t really know yet, to be honest, but at the very least I’ll be busy here in Pyrite anyway,” Sherles answered. “Well, I’ve got some work to do - so I’ll be off,” he added, heading for the door.

    Wow, Wes thought. Maybe I won’t have much more to do then with the whole shadow business? Somehow I doubt it, though.

    “Oh yes, one other thing,” Sherles added before he left. “You two need to get those crumbs off of yourselves and make yourselves look smart,” Sherles said, noting the two teenager’s messy method of eating. “And Johnson… try to look smart, and preferably don’t speak.”

    “Why?” Rui asked.

    “Your television interview, of course. You go live in half an hour.”



    Man, sometimes being high up in a criminal syndicate takes it out of you, Nascour thought to himself, slumping into his chair.

    Today, after having to talk with the fool Gonzap, he had to shout at three separate grunts for incompetence, talk to Ein who was behind on his duties, and he just now had moved into his new office. And the moving part had been no fun at all.

    But, admittedly, well worth it, Nascour added to himself smugly.

    The place was simply stunning, and the prime of Pokemon technology. And the view was absolutely stunning as well - everything a criminal mastermind could ask for - a high quality office with views. Admittedly, the surrounding environment could have been something better than endless desert - maybe headquarters in Gateon Port would have been a better location choice. Oh well - what he got was still fantastic. And well worth the moving part.

    Not too bad a day after all, despite all the shouting I had to do, Nascour reflected, allowing himself a rare smile. All the same, I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep.

    Just then, the computer screen in front of him beeped. Leaning forward to examine it, Nascour lazily noticed a request from Gonzap for a live transmission.

    Gonzap wants to speak again? Whatever does he want now? Nascour thought as he accepted the request, irritated. He had quite enough of Gonzap, but Cipher’s links with Team Snagem would remain intact for now. However, his relationship with Gonzap was quite the opposite. The computer screen flickered, before the desktop image of a simple red ‘C’ was quickly replaced by a smiling Gonzap.

    “Why, hello there, Nascour,” Gonzap said, performing a small mock bow.

    “Quit with the courtesy, Gonzap,” Nascour snapped. “Tell me what you want to say before you lose your eyebrows - oh, wait, that’s an empty threat,” Nascour added, returning Gonzap’s smile.

    “Oh, nothing much, Master Nascour,” Gonzap replied, although his smile seemed more notably forced than before, his eyes subconsciously flickering upwards. “I just thought that you would be particularly interested in the news report coming in a few minutes.”

    “Oh really? Why would I? You know as well as I that Orre’s television programs are of a low standard,” Nascour said warily.

    “Oh, no real reason - just a hunch. Say, I think it’ll be particularly fun to watch on that high definition television you got there,” Gonzap noted, spotting the object get moved into the room by two Cipher grunts behind Nascour’s scowling face. “But I do insist that you do so, while you enjoy your mansion.”

    “Whatever, Gonzap. I swear, the desert is frying your brains. Or, are you a tad jealous maybe? Well, maybe Team Snagem will get a new hideout that’ll keep the sun out of your face. Until you get it blown up again, that is,” Nascour responded, and before Gonzap could reply Nascour cut off the transmission.

    Weird, that Gonzap. Maybe the sun did fry his brains? Eh, whatever. I’ll see what he got so excited about, Nascour thought, seating himself down in front of the television and shooing away the grunts who had finished setting it up with a wave of his hand.

    This is the life, Nascour thought contently. Total control.

    Nascour grabbed the remote and turned on the television, the enormous flat screen responding instantly, displaying a desk with Orre’s generic newsreader.

    “Before our main story,” she began, clearly reading her lines from a giant script somewhere off-screen, “We shall start with the weather. Alex?” she said, as the camera moved slowly away from her and to a frayed map of Orre sticky-taped to the wall.

    They start with the weather? That’s odd for any news show, Nascour thought, already confused. There didn’t seem to be a weatherman present either.

    “…Alex?” the newsreader called. After a few noticeable mutters, Alex appeared finally, look flustered and very nervous.

    “Ah, here is our new weatherman… on work experience….” the newsreader muttered.

    “Um, yes,” Alex muttered quietly, look down at a sheet of paper. “Despite the recent showers, Orre will be returning to…”

    “Camera!” someone hissed from off stage. Startled, Alex looked at the camera for a few seconds, and smiled uneasily.

    “Yes, well, Orre would be returning to the typical weather pattern of…” Alex mumbled, before his gave returned to his piece of paper. “Of… torrentially rainfall and destructive storms, briefly interrupted by harsh periods of sunlight… no, wait, that’s Hoenn’s weather forecast,” he said quietly. Sounds of face palms could be heard offstage.

    Gonzap was right, Nascour thought. This is quite entertaining.

    “Weather will be sunny with no rainfall, and hot all round. Pyrite will be very hot and sunny,” Alex continued, pointing at a small blob on the map. “Gateon Port will be very hot and sunny, and… and…”

    “Camera!” someone hissed again at Alex.

    “Oh yes, hot and sunny in Camera,” Alex concluded, before walking off. After a short moment, the camera slowly moved back to an exasperated newsreader.

    “Well… now for our main news story. Unfortunately, those people following the coffee crisis in Viridian City will have to wait for updates to that, for we have a breaking news story!”

    A cheesy and seemingly unnecessary sound effect played following the sentence.

    “Now we have William standing by in Pyrite town to deliver the breaking news.”

    What breaking news? Haven’t heard anything about the sort, and this is Orre. Unless they are still raving on about Team Snagem’s hideout blowing up. Hmm, maybe the whole moving business is due to it… well, we shall see, Nascour thought.

    ***Character limit exceeded? Chapter continued in the next post!***
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2009
  6. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    The show cut to a young man, standing outside Pyrite’s Police station, a light breeze blowing some rubbish around behind him.

    “Here we stand at the scene of this most extraordinary event,” William began.

    Oh really? Nascour thought. Someone stubbed their toe or something?

    “Like the feeling one gets when they stub their toe in the morning, the people of Pyrite are amazed by the recent happenings that have occurred.” The camera panned to show a few citizens of Pyrite, most walking around as if nothing extraordinary had happened in the town in the first place. Only one person was currently intrigued by the presence of the camera, waving a large sign saying ‘Hi mum!’ around madly.

    Maybe this is a comedy show, instead of the news - the badness of it is so amusing, Nascour thought, chuckling at the poor level of the show.

    “Earlier today,” William continued, unfazed, “the police force of Pyrite has done the town proud.”

    What, they rescued a kitten or something?

    “Today, a mass conspiracy has been uncovered, with a criminal syndicate with aspirations for world domination believed to be at the bottom of it. Many arrests were made…”

    No, Nascour thought.

    “…with a secret hideout uncovered by Sherriff Sherles and Officer Johnson, whom were also assisted by two teenagers. Here is a live interview now of the two heroes.” The camera cut to another inside the Police station now, a female interviewer standing by a girl with crimson hair, and a tall lanky teenager, with a rather distinguishable blue coat.

    “No.” Nascour said. “No! The kid from Snagem shouldn’t have done this to us…”

    “What was it like to go and uncover the criminal syndicate of Cipher?” the woman asked, shoving a microphone in front of Wes’s face.

    “NO!” Nascour screamed at the television, jumping up and down. “THIS! IS! BAD! CIPHER! ISN’T! SUPPOSED! TO! BE! UNCOVERED!"

    “Erm…” mumbled the teenager, looking lost for words and unsure of what to say. Luckily, the girl grabbed the microphone off the interviewer and started talking.

    “It was scary, but fun at the same time, but mostly scary! And fun! And we walked around and we had a big battle and then Wes’s Croconaw made a big Surf attack, and we snagged some Shadow Pokemon and Sherles arrested everyone!”


    “Shadow Pokemon?” the interviewer interrupted.

    “Yes, see, Team Snagem aren’t the only people in the plot, and Cipher are really the main bad guys. Then we went and battled this guy called Miror B, and we beat him!”


    “…Only, he managed to escape,” Wes said, able to get a word in.

    “…something good!” Nascour moaned to a grunt who had just walked in, curious to see why Nascour had been hitting the television in a rage. “But it’s still all bad! It’s terrible! What shall we do?” Meanwhile, the television screen cut back to Williams halfway through another of Rui’s long speeches.

    “Well, due to the significance of this event, Pyrite, and even dare I say the whole of Orre can expect big things! Recently in a press release from Kanto, it was confirmed that part of the police forces there would be sent to Orre to, I quote, ‘stamp out this injustice to the citizens of Orre and Pokemon once and for all’. It is also expected that the police forces from Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh will follow suit.”

    "NO! THIS! IS! BAD! BAD! BAD! TERRIBLE! ARRGH!” Nascour shouted, flying out of the room in a temper. The grunt unsteadily stepped out of his way, before sitting down in the seat to see what the fuss was about.

    “Let’s talk to some people now on their opinions of this incident,” William walking off as the camera followed him. Deliberately ignoring the excited person with the sign, he got the attention of a passer-by.

    “What do you think of this?” Williams asked.

    “…This?” The person replied blankly. William smugly shook his head, turning to face the camera.

    “Shocked beyond belief,” he concluded, before approaching an old woman this time. “Madam, what do you think happen to the man called Miror B?”

    “Eh? Miror B? Why would I want to buy a Miror B?” the woman shouted angrily. “You stupid salesmen, with your cameras.”

    “Um, no, we’re not trying to sell you anything…” William began, but the old woman was well on the here, ranting crazily. Luckily for William though, another person approached him, tugging at his arm.

    “I’s…I’s… I’s a wityness!” he said.

    “Oh good!” William gushed. “What is your name, sir?”

    “It’s a me, Tom!”

    “…Ok then, Tom. What happened?”

    The stranger’s face contented into a frown of concentration. “They’re were phisy torunenementy thingy, sis, and I losts my smazzules. Sos I wents backs homes bit thers a wide world goings on, see!”

    The grunt watching burst into laughter, noticing the bemused look William had as he tried to decipher what Tom was saying.

    “Thens, thens… wet!” Tom shouted. “tehn that…. That supermany guy, him used win sos we wemp upstars and the was fis guy and two pother girl guysis! Thens a mcary thingy ith hairs EVERYVERYWHERES!”

    William looked blankly at Tom.

    “So so I so wis sarced, butter I met Simon ind wends and stoppered the greevil siunds! Thens I wents high homes! Then beforwords I mome back herey and sees hat hair thingy ru…ran…swimmning off with some…” Here Tom’s face wrinkled into a further state of concentration. “Theys were… Lu…lud… liducolo…lo…lolololololololos!”

    “I think that’s enough there,” William mumbled, stepping slowly away.

    “Ludimefudilololololos! Heys, come backs!” Tom cried. “I dehands respict! I wis vitted bestyestest drunken… thingy here!” However, Tom was left behind by Williams, who wisely decided to leave. Meanwhile, Nascour marched into the room, and shouted at the grunt to get off his couch. The grunt reluctantly obliged, standing up and off to the side of the couch. Scowling, Nascour watched the last bit of the news report.

    “Yes, well… hopefully, the town of Pyrite shall soon return to its former glory of being a proud town of vagabonds and rogues. Oh, and this just in - Johto police forces have just confirmed that a top squad will be sent over to assist in the take-down of Cipher.”

    “ARRGH! HOW COULD THINGS GO SO WRONG SO QUICKLY!” Nascour screamed, hurling the remote at the television, breaking it. Surprised by his actions, Nascour turned around, and pointed an accusing finger at the grunt cipher agent.

    “This is all YOUR fault!” he cried.

    “But… I didn’t do anything!” he cried. Noticing the look on Nascour’s face though, he quickly slipped away, and closed the door behind him.

    Nascour didn’t get much sleep that night.


    That concludes that long chapter. The longest thus far.Worth the wait, maybe?

    And the characters and events in the chapter/game:

    Miror B battle - four Ludicolos and a Sudowoodo. It’s usually a long, drawn out battle, with the Ludicolo always trying to keep a Rain dance going (never mind that the battle takes place inside a cave). And despite Sudowoodo apparently hating water…It’s well worth it just to listen to Miror B’s salsa music however. IMO the most entertaining boss music ever.

    Plusle - after you beat Miror B, he’ll tell you off for beating him, and then run off in comical fashion with his Ludicolo following him. Only then is Plusle remembered to exist in the game, with Rui commenting on him after you hear his cries.
    He is in the separate room (that you conveniently can’t go into until you beat Miror B), and jumps up and down to extraordinary heights in happiness. Hurrah - you saved the day!

    Duking will come now (without, one can assume, meeting up with Miror B on the way and asking why the hell did he kidnap Plusle), and thanks you before you all go back to his house for a cup or tea, or something.

    Cipher’s reaction - never detailed in the game. In fact, the earlier Miror B and Nascour scene is the only time they discuss their plans, or discuss your progress. I was sure that they would react in some way to you getting rid of them in Pyrite…

    Television reports - finally it changes, with the new news being that you saved Pyrite. But, they are horribly bland reports, so I added some comedy in, and also a few interviews with some previously-met NPC’s of Pyrite.

    And, just for fun, here is an awesome picture, or award, made by PinkParkaGirl of serebii forums. I quite like it. :)

    Please review. I hope I did well after my break, and hope you enjoyed it!
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2008
  7. So I told you I'd review...

    First, the corrections...

    So I assume you mean their, right?

    You used the word "trying" twice in this sentence...

    So you forgot the "-ly" in menacingly...

    Fro should be for...and best dialogue of Wes ever. =D

    I assume this is "relived"...

    So you used "small" and "size" twice in one sentence...

    "Is", since Cipher is only one organization.


    And oddly enough there's an unnecessary quotation mark here... =P


    Now I have to say this chapter is the most well-written out of all of them. Miror B is hands down the best battler out of everyone...

    But I didn't see how you focused ore on Wes's personality...I still only have a notion of who he is and how he acts.

    I also applaud you for having very definitive dialogue. It's what I look for in fics, and I must say that yours is very good, especially some of Nascour's... =D

    Overall, great chapter. I leave the rest of the crit to your real reviewers... =P
  8. psyrose3

    psyrose3 Well-Known Member

    ... Wow. Since you already have a "proper" review for this chapter, here comes the highlights.

    That's not the battle...


    This is win.

    Can-Can... kinda catchy.


    Stop reminding me of Ganon... please....

    Why must you cripple me like this? Why?

    *singing* It's the end of the world as we know it...


    And this is why you NEVER hire a total noob to do the weather.

    We get the point. -_-

    ...Stole Mario's quote... how could you?

    AHA! An XD reference.

    *evil grin*

    This is pure gold. KEEP IT UP.
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2008
  9. Gardevoir Girl

    Gardevoir Girl is NOT a girl

    Oh yeah, I loved this. Took me a while to get out of my slump and read it, but I read this before the other three chapters waiting for me. One thing I noticed was that you keep switching between saying 'it' and saying 'he' when referring to Pokemon.

    First, jest should be jets. Second, in should be at. And third, Umbreon is saying 'Espeon'.

    Sombrero. At least I think that's how it's spelled.

    Noticed the mistake Dramatic Melody pointed out, but I just had to quote this because of how much I laughed when I tried to imagine something dancing menacingly.


    XD Miror B isn't happy.

    All I can say is XD! You're brilliant, maybe I'll get around to reading the other fics waiting for me now I'm in a good mood. I probably woke my mother up with all the laughing, though.

  10. WhyNot

    WhyNot Active Member

    I liked it, and everyone else has allready pretty much pointed out everything. As somone said you said you were going to go farther into Wes but I didn't really see that. None the less great chapter in a great fic.
  11. The Great Butler

    The Great Butler Hush, keep it down

    There's nothing left for me to say that hasn't already been said.

    Once again, simple comedic genius. Nothing less. Between the completely bizarre battle with Miror B. to the potato-obsessed Plusle to Nascour's bad day, everything was just perfect from end to end.

    Great job.
  12. DarkPersian479

    DarkPersian479 Well-Known Member

    This! Is! Bad! Cipher! Isn’t! Supposed! To! Be! Uncovered!

    This sentence just sounds awkward. Removing the "hit him" helps somewhat, but...

    Even though there are multiple people, the term "group" is singular.

    Enough grammar! Onto the rest of the review!
    LOL, you SERIOUSLY need to get someone to draw/sprite this.
    WHAT THE HELL, indeed.

    It's the new frantic flailing dance craze that's taking Orre by storm! I would've thought that the dance master himself knew that one XD

    Quoted for truth.

    I'm voting "good thing," if only because now he, his Ludicolo troupe, and his delightful music will strike again:)

    I like potatoes in french fry form XD

    Yay for Nascour temper tantrum! It's funny because the guy seems so cold and calculating in the cutscenes where he's dealing with the admins.

    If I had one complaint it would be that Sudowoodo was caught a bit too easily, weakness to/from the rain notwithstanding. I would've liked to get a taste of its power in battle.

    Other than that, though, awesome battle. Nice strategy with Miror B. forcing Wes and co. to dance. And an even nicer strategy having Wes use the dancing to his advantage by dodging Water Guns. And maraca-wielding crazed dancing Ludicolo FTW. I hear that the maracas increase Ludicolo's attack by 10%. Seriously, that should be a held item for 5th-gen.

    Within all of Tom's random ranting, a subtle hint, perhaps? XD (And is that "XD" there a subtle hint itself?)

    Excellent chapter, and having the salsa theme playing (I have an MP3 file of it) really does add to the atmosphere. And... Don't. Mess. With. The. Salsa. Music. Tape. Ever.
  13. elyvorg

    elyvorg somewhat backwards.

    It's almost like some bored guy has nothing better to do...


    ...I WAS going to say that just the battle was epic, but no, you had to give Tom some more glorious screentime, didn't you, bobandbill?

    Suffice it to say that I couldn't stop laughing at certain points. Pretend that this review will be peppered with "xD"s, because if I did put them everywhere I feel like putting them, it'd seem awfully repetetive.

    So, a breakdown of why I found this so funny because I say so.

    Although, for the first few moves of the battle it started off fairly ordinary, and I was worried that this chapter was going to be a bit lacklustre comedy-wise. But then Miror B. put an umbrella in his hair and things started getting back on form. Oh yes. I mean, apart from being so completely random, an umbrella with an afro actually really works, when you think about it. And god forbid Miror B.'s magnificent afro get wet, of course.

    Then it just starts getting awesome. Ludicolo doing the Can-Can, for one thing - it helped that I could actually imagine them doing so, which put one hell of a funny mental image into my head.

    But then you go even better with Miror B.'s dance-inducing music! I think the reason I really, really liked that was that from then on, the whole scene was funny. I was picturing everyone dancing in whatever they did and it just got crazy. If you can make a scenario like this where everything proceeds to be funny from it, you know you're doing well. So yes. More all-encompassing funny stuff like this, yes please.

    Also, hit me with your rhythm stick. (It's good to be a lunatic!) Seconding DP479 that Maracas needs to be a holding item for Ludicolo in the 5th gen.

    And good old Makuhita with his "DIE!" mindset that was completely incompatible with the music. =D Loved the clashing of temperaments there, but also the fact that this was the reason Wes won, in the end.

    Wes completely forgetting about Plusle amused me, for some reason. As did the image of Miror B. with earmuffs - surely the strap connecting them would need to be massive to fit over his afro?

    Let it also be known that I now officially love Plusle and his love for potatoes and pastries and persons!

    Johnson was as win this chapter as he usually is. No more needs to be said on that.

    I loved the news report and all the small things you shoved in there. Work-experience Alex was funny as hell (methinks that with the accidental Hoenn weather report he gave, the Hoenn authorities might be too tied up with a couple of rampaging legendaries to come and help out with Cipher, no?), as well as the fact that their weather diagram was a map taped to the wall. Coffee crisis in Viridian City got a laugh out of me as soon as I noticed it in someone else's highlights and realised the reference. Nascour screaming "NO!" as the news report continued on made for a very funny atmosphere for some reason...

    and then we get to the interviews. Rui is always a source of amusement with her long babbly speeches of awesomeness, the stop-selling-me-things lady made a short but welcome return, and TOM. I think these were quite possibly my favourite Tom-ramblings of the fic so far, the absolute best one being "him used win" for the sheer Internet-ness of it. But I also liked the Ludicolololololololos and the Mario line and what seemed to be a reference to that award that Pink Parka Girl gave you. Oh yes.

    Just so that this review isn't quite all gushing raves about the chapter's awesomeness, I'll do some crit here. (And you thought this part would never come.)

    First of all, Water Gun being a special attack, Reflect wouldn't have worked on it. It's Light Screen you want (which I'm pretty sure Espeon has in Colosseum anyway, so...).

    I do agree with whoever it was who said that the Sudowoodo needed to take a little longer to be caught. It was almost like after the awesomeness of the Ludicolo battle, you just wanted Sudowoodo out of the way and snagged without much trouble, but I reckon that with a bit more screentime, you could have given him a personality and some funny bits of his own.

    I also vaguely registered through my laughter that the second two Ludicolos weren't coming across as so difficult to beat, compared to the first two who had strategy with the Rain Dance and seemed for a little while to possibly be unstoppable. But the second half of the battle was so danged funny that I didn't care, and I still don't really now. So yeah.

    Finally, while your description and general writing style has improved immensely, you still have the tendency to repeat words in quick succession, which makes the prose slightly jerky and can detract from the humour. The most noticeable point was when Miror B. said something along the lines of "The tape's intact!" and then a sentence later, the narrative said pretty much the same thing including use of the word "intact", which was rather unnecessary.

    Also, on a similar note, and I don't know how often you do this or whether it's a one-off thing, but I noticed that you stuck the adverb "hyperactively" on the end of one of Plusle's explosions of words. When the words themselves scream hyperactive, and when it's already been established how hyper the little electric bunny is, you don't need to go adding things like this as it just seems like pointing out the obvious.

    There. All in all, though, EASILY the best chapter yet.
  14. BladedScizor

    BladedScizor Well-Known Member

    Finally got around to reading this fic, and I'm seriously glad I did; this is definitely one of the best comedy fics I've ever read here. Of course, part of that is because I'm a sucker for random comedy; then again, there is a right and a wrong way to do random comedy, and you just about have it to an art form.

    I would go around quoting some of my favorite parts, but with eleven chapters full of awesomely outrageous moments, that would make for a really long post. That said, I'll just note that the 'shut up' moment at the bridge leading over 'The Under', Johnson's victory with Magikarp, and pretty much every scene involving Tom were freaking brilliant.

    Considering you've already been reading my fic since it starting, you already know that I enjoy adding some explanation to plot holes, and other things that never got a full explanation in canon, so it's pretty cool seeing a fic that does the same thing. Granted, I never played Coliseum or XD, but then, that gives me an added appreciation for the summaries of the actual game's events that you give with each chapter.

    The characters are also great, from the fourth-wall-breaking NPCs, to the stupidly hilarious Trudley, Folly, and Johnson, to the completely over-the-top Miror B. The differing personalities given to the Pokemon were also great, and they even managed to throw humor into the serious battles.

    Well, I really should have started reading this sooner, as I would've been able to come up with a more in-depth review. Suffice to say, I look forward to what comes next after this.

    EDIT: Oh yeah, I completely forgot: I hereby label this fic as AFRO-TASTIC!
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2008
  15. Noheart

    Noheart The Abysswalker

    New reader here. :)

    Actually, I've been reading your story for a couple of days now. I'm up to date as of today, and I enjoy your story. Since I'm a lazy child, I won't review all 11 chapters. It's very humourous, and I'd appreciate it if you add me to the PM list.

  16. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Thanks for the reviews, people. I shall reply to them again, with the odd tidbit about the chapter perhaps. I'm in a responding mood.

    The part with Miror B and the umbrella and the afro? Well, upon discussing my fic with a friend of mine at school, he came up with the idea of an umbrella coming out of the afro, somewhat inspector gadget style I suppose during the rain. It was too good not to put in, but as Miror B is IMO not quite a robot, it's merely stuck in manually.
    SO, credit to my friend for that joke, who requested me to mention him under the name of Hype_chao.

    Now for reviews:
    Thanks for those. :)
    Thanks - I really spent a long time on the battle...
    But on Wes - I think you misread what I said above the chapter - I had meant that I have done it a bit more in previous chapters in my minor revisions (which I NEED to update here...). So no Wes character-ness or life history was meant to be here in this chapter the first place. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

    I dare say dialogue is a storng point of mine, and thanks for the review. :)

    Thanks for that - nice to see what parts people liked. Glad you liked the chapter as well. :)

    I did? Hmm, will need to look into that, thought I caught those.

    First two are changed, but not the third, as I feel Umbreon doesn't have to be the one to respond - either could (or Wes and Rui could have) - Umbreon, could for instance have a mouthful of water... but noted. Might need to be clearer though, maybe?
    Thanks for noting those as well. And imagine triple the amount being left in had I not proof-read at all! And I waited a while as well, only I was probably tired at the time. Bah.
    I agree, I also found it amusing. *does a menacing dance*
    Thanks for that! And yes, I am brilliant. ;) Hope I didn't annoy your mother too much as well.
    ...that seems a weird thing to say, that right there. Oh well.
    But I hadn't meant more Wes-ness in this chapter, as mentoned before. Oh well. Gald you like the chapter though.
    But you just went on and said some more! :)
    Glad you liked it too (I NEED more ways to say this, honestly).
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2008
  17. fishyfool

    fishyfool And a nice chianti

    I dehands respict! I wis vitted bestyestest drunken… thingy here!â€


    That's all I can say here, that's how damningly brilliant this chapter was. Since everyone else and their dog already moaned at the speeling erorz, it falls to me to once again dissect the funny.

    Mexican hat dance is funny.

    Gale of Darkness. The very image of someone with an umbrella of the pink variety sticking out their head amuses me so much.

    And some more amusement from Makuhita, which reminds me of last chapter's theme by Miror B as well and Tom's actions of destroying it. Speaking of which...

    Tom's description there was made of pure gold, and is worth an internet. Ludimefudilolololos FTEW, and that small Greevil note there...I severely hope someone does a comedy of XD...it would be made of even more win. In the words of Richard Chinnery, Sequel?

    Naturally, made of win.
  18. Night_Umbreon

    Night_Umbreon Oh god! The imagery!

    Tom drops a hint?

    Worth the wait, most certainly. I was going to point out some errors but I'm a bit late so...Roll highlights!!!

    Damn right!

    On the whole, I loved the entire battle sequence throughly. You seem to have put much thought into this and it shows. It was very engaging, i espicially liked the way you incorperated Miror B's frankly annoying battle stategy with your own 'realistic' spin on things.

    As if the song quote wasn't enough, an pink umbrella is merged seamlessly(or maybe not) into the story.

    Lmao. The dances keep on comin'!


    Or maybe not...Johnson's such a great character, he's actually catching up on Tom popularity-wise for me.

    The whole dancing part was rather amusing, new and interesting way of spicing up the battle.

    I like Croconaw's personality now it's coming closer and closer to being purified.

    And Maku's too funny to change lol.(Or at least I hope so)

    Yay for more song references!

    Would that be a Cross Chop attack?

    A Sodowoodo is not complete without running around frantically because of some water.

    That wasn't hard...

    Even I forgot about that. >>

    Face palm worthy indeed

    My bets on a grunt disigning that cover.

    I think I know what that entales ;).

    The entire weatherman bit was well written, Alex seemed very 'real' within only a short period of time.

    Should that be gaze?

    I like how mental Nascour goes at this, I always wondered what Cipher's reaction to the event was like.


    The reason behind the title of my post. Tom gives away a hint? I wonder...

    XD This is why Tom drinks, to entertain us all!

    Again, definitely worth the wait. Well done.

    EDIT: Oh, and PM list me please.
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2008
  19. Flare88

    Flare88 Obey... or Else!

    Your Awesome!

    I've read all your chapters to date and must say this is the best thing I have EVER read! I cant wait for the next one.
    Also Crocanaw is my fav pokemon!
  20. Ledian_X

    Ledian_X Don Ledianni

    You know if Genus Soroity made Pokemon Colosseum like this I bet my entire GCN collection that this game would have sold close to maybe as much as GTA III. I've just read your last chapter and I have to say I'm impressed, BNB. Why? Because you got some serious skills.

    I've been intrigued by your story a whiile and I had read snippets here and there. Didn't really have the opportunity to say you got a decent story here. You going to follow up with XD? Please say you will. Only because the main character's little sister's an annoying little **** who speaks in the third person.

    But, that's another rant entirely Nice to see Tom in action. Pretty funny. But, I'll give him some sangrale and we'll see how he reacts to it. =D.

    I'll definitely be back to check out other chapters. In fact. *subscribes to thread*

    There. A nice guarantee. =D.


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