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The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum

Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by bobandbill, Jun 13, 2007.

  1. heatran_ran

    heatran_ran Vengeful Bastard

    Oooh, Things on fire. I like it.
    But seriously though, this was another awesome chapter. :D
  2. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Chapter Up!

    Another chapter -it's very special! But first, reviews! Thanks evryone thus far!
    Things on fire are always likeable. XD
    Perr was in XD as well - he owned the shop in Gateon Port in XD. And I wonder if anyone feels sorry for Johnson...? XD
    Well they're certainly not in Kansas? =p
    Glad you liked those parts. =)
    Hurrah for your escape from the closet then. ;p Maybe not so for you getting weird looks but oh well. XD
    Fire is the best thing ever. And Johnson...well, it probably isn't possibly but given how much hax he has with Magikarp...
    But quoting is fun ;p Well glad you enjoyed and cheers for posting!
    Maybe! Especially the water-type attacks. And the fire-type attacks. *nods*
    ...yes. =p
    I see you caught most of the references in that part. XD Most... but not all. ;p Good effort though!
    That it should have been - I had to reformat italiced stuff and so missed the odd thing.
    Clearly I derped many a herp with that bit. >_<
    Indeed. Poor guy can't catch a break!
    I'll try despite uni. Well, besids today. ;p
    It seems the show is well liked. XD
    Yes, yes I did. =p
    Uh, maybe? *hides answer sheet*
    Well at least you found it funny throughout then. XD Cheers for reviewing!
    It is the best kind of show. ;p
    That is a fair comment to make. =p
    You know, I actually did consider throwing in another character to do just that, caps and all. XD
    Oh, I don't think Tom would like to hear that-uh


    Sooppy! Whysss you not wansty to torytimey hearingness! Issa bestest tellers! >:[ Waityss whyerery facys thers I nots likeys ists


    Arrgsys nots likess eithers gose aways nit kick likey

    S-sos today I, Sir Tommy Tom Tom wil ba giving the stury off all timmy with supaman! Isasy calling it... uh...

    Tehy Rutillling uf teh.. Roturndings of Pookeymun Coolsum

    By sirry Toms

    So once here wis fis birdy! Birdy wus all 'SKWARK SWARK' and caughty lurnch und itty went omnomomomomy! Whiles supamanny Wesssss went talky withy a mun big with lotsa mscules and lacky in the hury. He sud stuffs whuch mad supperman nosty happy so he dun a thung and explodey uf building! It wos all FIREEYYYY but Zapman wus then frowny and mady shouty noses while burdy was yaaaaay then not yaaaay thun e was capturured. Butty sippermun drive awayyy in vroom vroom thingy if his pokeys and stealy machane, a big smiley had hes un eatsy pounchki.

    He wenty all da wayya to le train but no choo choo sunds camey form it for it wis shoppy. Summermin atey foods and watchy all teh televisitubbiess. Sun ran uway but come backy sos hs diddy greatesest rattle with pinky man. Lotsa wons. He zen saw thisy two fingys withy bag andy flollowed with zommy. Heh, simmily to tommy. Imma Tomma! Tomma liek thisy story. wherewhos soupman wenty 'stopppy' and thy wenty 'gaspy!' un losty for he used wonn again. Then sthis...girly sud thankyou and duncedy.

    Wessy asked questy but she not much knowy sos they do sum battles and seen teh mayor afters evsils mans says hihos! Mayorler says wordy words likey so they gune to cololololoseum to do sume thungy.

    Bit no fungi sos they wenty backy and slap fis Snagem persople who made acusations and their coughing and it went ON FIRRREEEE and then kabloey. Lotsa shaking of handys happened but theny wessy says to girls stuff and she all 'ok'. They go to shppy and bucky to trainy and bucky to shoppy and lotsa buying of circuler thungs and then saidy hi to mayorly man but he not there! Instud biggy largely wargely afro many wis there and it wis hugey. Somperman was scardely like tommy for it was hairy but he walky away ind two kindnappers do ses battleingness. He wan again yandy snaggy le punchy thingy and used punch but mayor appearily and issy sad with punchy and ruis all SHADOWY shouty loud like ear hurt. Wessy walky buck and decidy with ruuui to go hip snapps to pyrites but firsty fighty mcblueclues of blueland. BItey thingy joiny him!

    Lots drive latr they there and all hi butter lille reliying sos they sleepy firsto. Hoppity to furtune sellesrs and hens pns says hissy to me, tom! I say something goody wells then fall asheeps but singerwomen all git battle agaings and wins but stealy pokey ans do runnys. Too slow dough and in jailing. This many with stacuhe fisten tail to and set frees but ask for hulps and wessy agrss. They tuntlk to kiddies sna purple friuts use FIRE POWER to sdos stuffy stuff. Snaggy happeny a lotty whiley infoly happiny. Musicicly thingy iff afros do talks withs mansys fo evils but notty liks and needs miore dansys. Thenys two cipher guys walks to placey and demands big many dos as theys says and silver man steels rotatsions! Wessy goes searchssy and go eurakrar and bringy mack snack so alls is happyland. Dukings tells stuffy and sayianman go to placeys and battles. I dids battles too but no smazzules for mes. Tommy went a saddy buts he stills hases spinnnnyddddaaaa.

    wessy wons competititititititit...thingy ands meests cuphur mans who takas to hidout. Wess starts fits bit I comes and bes braves and saves everyoness dasys for everyess! Forri tom is bestest. Zap mans talsk ti evisls mans whily Lotsa wins ands walks to aboves romms of evils where soundsman sing horribls demons and all earys ouuuuuuuuuuuuch and burnings withs firerys painsy so i saves all agains with magsics. I thens gos homes dos dinnse in wess fights mores withs espins helsps un goes all teh ways to musics manss placesy and fights himmy! Lotsa music and salsas snsd quack smacks simons buts evesn wisth wins afromanny escapee. Longsy battelss not nothingys thoughs for littls thingys winners of electrics and dukings huge smile has and yays. Tv peoples asksy questions ans evils mans heards and si asll angry lik FIRE. Hes shoutsy at peeospls and alls be saddy.

    wess use thinks and then trys to teachy rui pokeymans but she threw good nnot.. reporters peoples not helpsfuls eithers but new policymany ares as thisy guy not do goddy in piratelandys . sherlesy do stuffs withs themsy and tills wes to go fortuneetells somes so he goes sand goes to a places has gates all the ways ands radisos uses sillys dishwishys. Tommsy thunks alls shoulds busyes ones they tastes tasysty unds shiny! Tom his five. Tops alsos sysya quacks. This whiles sim science manses makys all teh vils inworlds and mansy saddy mtal birdys is flowrs and musiscs of dooooom pastries.

    ats gatesvilles all teh oldey fellows says hiss and talks ands ruis goes un saysis his grundpatents and theys also says hi's. Lotsa hand shakeys and teas buts oh noesy evils mens comes to forestsys of hippy! Eguabn angrys and runs ats speds of soiunds. Sippermans folls toos ands kicks ways to stoneys and fights ebil man to protecty its all ans is success many! Lotsa mors winss so baddys runs flys farss buts puntsables yelllso pikas throwns at thems.

    buts thens tall kidam amasnys tallers thens a sun gos with mors baddies to mountainny with punchiers than punchs and spikey cacti toos. Polices fits thems and so dies wissy whso battles teh dakims aftesrs he punchss mans it in facey . he goess outchs and afaintsed for manys times but wes defends wlss and gts s a shinny fattys things with FIRES ALLS THE FIRES MADES HAPPEN. Dakims sads at lacks of FIRES and Firssz wes thinks lucky and yays. Sheelss arrests sevryonthing and is amazedlike.

    wes sh uses rocks to helsps shadows pokmneys withs rockys stones in gatevorlds ands lots are happier and gud job yes madesy. Hes and ruis comes backs to pyrites to talks to sherely abit alls thats happens and soms mirkela thing thats made peoples runs froms jails vrys fars. Wesss go to hideouts with girly for hielpings . afros b man used tricks to do thigsys with beatsisng ciphers and allss very smartly and gets helps well sfroms badly who stone breaky nit. Sciencesmans alsoos his buts mirrors dances oncesly whiles trickings. Wesss menans wiles arrests and stufss buts Sherles tolds by mayors to arrests him too! Johnny john jimmy goes anadsa tells hims and theys run dinstairs andleavs ruis to talks to sherlesys to get infomatations. She confusedly but decides ti helpsy wesly muchs in Undrlandsly and meests smarst aand wonderfully tommsy who helps sillys wess not slesps muchs. Tommys carries wes to places of kidneys whos all helps and trys to helps others tii withs infos. Thns afro mans firends walks a lot and whens tommys says a lots he means lots and lots and lottys not just little lot. Theys goes to mayors but hes gones and then shelrys asks for answrs. Wess saving silve boy yess with smart and battles wonage ands nows goes to beats svenuss!
    Tomsy needy drinky from talkingness.


    Happy April Fools everyone. =p I wonder how much sense you can garner from that...?
  3. The Black Glove

    The Black Glove The Resident BAMF

    It's a little late, but I figured I should point this out from Chapter 11 (I think).
    So let me get this straight... according to this, n > 9 x 1000?



    You're still making me laugh. Keep up the good work!
  4. D. Scott

    D. Scott Well-Known Member

    Tom is an amazing story teller. Screw YOU, b&b, Tom needs to write all the chapters from now on! Feed him his firey oceans and his drinkies! I DEMAND IT BE DONE!
  5. Son_of_Shadows

    Son_of_Shadows Well-Known Member

    BobandBill, DAMN. It takes either a hell of a lot of talent, or alcohol to write that drunkenly. I presume it's the former. This might be the best April Fool's ever. Bravo.
  6. Excitable Boy

    Excitable Boy is a metaphor

    Best one I've seen today.

    APF joke, I mean.
  7. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Yeah, I don't think anyone bothered to point that bit out before, iirc. XD Anyways hurrah for my story making you laugh and all and cheers for the post!
    Unfortunately I do not have anywhere near enough drinkies for Tom to remain motivated enough to keep telling stories. =(

    Well although Tom requires alcohol to function like...well,Tom (=p), I do not even drink the stuff. XD Late night writing seems to help though? But thank you!
    Thanks as well - glad you liked it.

    Keep the comments coming! ;p
  8. Cryptic Blaze

    Cryptic Blaze Blinded by the light

    This chapter just made my day today. I never thought a drunk writting a story would be so funny, much less Tom, but you managed to prove me wrong. XD

    I applaude you, bobandbill!
  9. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    I'm glad I could prove you wrong then. XD Cheers for the applause and post though!
  10. Missingno. Master

    Missingno. Master Poison-type Trainer

    Thought I already commented on that chapter. Guess I didn't. But DAMN. Tom narrating a chapter. We are not worth of the sheer awesomeness. That made my April Fool's Day, I'll tell you.
  11. Well that took me a while. XD I'm reviewing from Chapter Sixteen to the latest one...so yeah! XD

    First up, grammargrammargrammar + comments here and there:

    While this is technically correct, it sounds a little funky.

    You used Mt. Battle twice.

    I think you're missing a word here.

    Is this really the right word? I don't imagine someone as high-ranking as Nascour to use a word like this.

    Bolded phrase sounds wrong.

    When you used the word "demanded", I would've wanted more emotion out of Rui's dialogue. Right here it's just like she's asking a friendly question and Sherles is just answering it nonchalantly.

    I have the same issue with this quote as with the previous quote - your lack of build-up. I would've liked it if you mentioned something about Rui thinking about what Fateen had said or something to that extent.

    I don't think "quieten" is a word...maybe change the phrase to "keep quiet"?

    Now for individual chapter comments, yes?

    Chapter 16:

    Metang analyzing the battle smogon-like like a computer was a really nice addition, and it made the battle much more enjoyable. I like how you make it realistic, and how the platform itself is a factor [something that really should be added in the games, right? They're doing it with weather and Secret Power but...eh].

    I also like the "oh wait, we forgot something!" bit in the end. XD Overall another good chapter.


    As I read this, I had the sudden urge to punch Espeon.

    Chapter 17:

    IMO the best thing about this chapter is Miror B. He seems the most in-character in this chapter out of all the chapters so far, which is always a good thing. Add the fact that Mirakle B's here and I can call this chapter a Miror B chapter! =D

    Also, The Under!! XD

    Chapter 18:

    I have a few comments on some parts of the chapters up there, so I guess that takes up most of what I have to criticize about this chapter.

    So, yeah, HOORAY FOR THE RETURN OF DRUNK TOM! I missed him so, and you of all people should know why. XD

    Anyway, my enjoyment for this chapter can pretty much be summed up by this quote:


    Chapter 19:



    Anyway, I liked this chapter. From "THINGS THAT GO ON FIRE" to Drunk Tom to overconfident Wes to VolbeatxIllumise, it has a lot of things at once, but somehow manages to present all of them in a clear and amusing way. Bravo, bravo!



    Tom's Chapter

    WE ARE NOT WORTHY OF THIS AWESOMENESS. Oh my flipping hell that was amazing. Easily your best chapter to date, so much plot and characterization encapsulated in ten paragraphs. Why didn't you start out writing like this? This would've been A LOT more enjoyable...

    Seriously though, that was a good laugh. I don't know how you do it, bnb, but you never run out of ways to entertain your readers. In the writing side of things, it's clear that you've improved from your first chapter, so keep doing what your doing coz you're doing it right! :)

    I obviously can't wait for more. Even though I haven't played Colosseum, reading this makes me feel like I'm not missing out on anything. Haha.
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2011
  12. heatran_ran

    heatran_ran Vengeful Bastard

    I read this... and I'm starting to feel drunk.
    This was amazing.
  13. Tsubodai

    Tsubodai Member

    This is an amazing fic! Keep up the good work!
  14. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Nope, guess you didn't. ;p It happens, heh. Anyways hurrah for it making your AF day - that was partly my aim. =D
    Cheers for pointing those out - I like improvements and eradicating mistakes. Although on a couple:
    I can see where you are coming from but I guess that's just how I felt they went with the term (and if in made an official term it wouldn't be a convenient short one either, but rather very long). I think I have already used such a phrase a few times as well in the fic (as well as 'shadowfication'). I view it as a term that's easy to say and means what it is meant to mean, and Nascour in my eyes is not that pedantic, just..short tempered and weird.
    Actually quieten is apparently a word (google confirmed this), although maybe not that commonly used I suppose?

    I rarely use smogon (only really tried it out) but I did find the text rather robotic there so I used it as a basis. XD And I always felt that the platforms were rather dangerous places to have a battle, especially with all the win, or the higher parts of the Mt Battle challenge (namely lava!)

    Chapter 17:

    Miror B it was. =p But yeah, I kinda feel the same way myself - unlike most other characters (say Wes who is a silent protagonist in the game and whose past is only hinted to at best) or other admins (who don't have quite as deep a personality besides 'I'm evil dude!') Miror B is pretty well defined and I've only really exaggerated some traits at most and he's the most enjoyable for me to write as well, so I suppose he seems the more developed out of them all as a result.
    Damn straight! =p

    Hurrah that those amused you then, along with the beginning of the chapter! =D
    Tom needed a heck of a lot of drink to convince to write this much. =(
    Random ideas I bother to go through with on late nights fuelled only with soft drink? XD
    Cheers for catching up and giving your thoughts - I always like large helpful reviews like this. =)
    Starting to feel drunk? Wow, that's... I'm going to consider that as an achievement. I think. =p
    Thanks, and I intend to. Eventually. =p
  15. shoi

    shoi New Member

    I'm putting the chapters together as I read them! Hopefully when this story eventually ends it can be on one GIANT word document! (I'm still working on it) *shows a goofy thumbs up*
  16. Eternalserenity

    Eternalserenity Wanderer

    I found this fic from bobandbill's banner and I have to say that this is the best thing I've read in over a decade. no joke. Here is a list of the things I found most enjoyable:
    -Folly & Trudly losing the keys
    -Rui's air deprivation
    -Makuhita bashing its own head in screaming "die" repeatedly
    -Espeon mind-wiping people
    -anything with Miror B
    -anything with Tom
    -Viridian City coffee guy
    -Skarmory and Ein's torture sequence
    -Hoenn weather broadcasts
    -chicken-flavored dishwashers
    -The entire population of Agate Village running in fear from Ash
    -and anything that breaks the fourth wall like the Official Strategy Guide and an EV trained Magikarp

    I officially declare this story to be a "wonner" Now I gotta go. The things on fire show is about to start and I don't wanna miss it.
  17. Ditto123

    Ditto123 ~Word~

    I got here from the Aventure of Aventureness when Missingno. Master mentioned this in one of his chapter. I'm in da process of reading it. Great work though!

    EDIT: May I be on the PM list for now and forever please?
  18. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    more review replies

    You might be putting some chapters in there which I might slightly update later, mind you. =p (The first few are already done though I suppose...).

    That's me! XD
    Hurrah for the fic being a wonner. XD Thanks for stating what you liked about it, always good to know. =)

    Hurrah for shout-outs from other people's fics now? ._.

    And yes, you may. =)

    As for when the next chapter will be up... well, I've still got uni (last few weeks of semester remains which has an awful lot of assignments in it and then EXAM FORTNIGHT) and hence it's been rather hectic recently, although I'm still writing at least a little bit every week (woo late night saturday writings). I'd say it'd be probably/hopefully be out the first half of July but we'll see. (Maybe even earlier! =p) Just so you guys know.
  19. Xman96

    Xman96 Fighting Leader

    Oh, man...This is just made of win! I've just finished reading it all (Took me nearly two weeks!) and it was flipping incredible. I think Tom is my very favorite character, and wish he was this funny in the game. Colosseum is maybe my favorite pokemon game, so this is just incredible! I wish I could write this well! Please put me on that PM list. :)
  20. shoi

    shoi New Member

    Don't worry about the grammar and spelling and stuff! (I re-read every chapter a few times, and I'm a grammar Nazi as well!)

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