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The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum

Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by bobandbill, Jun 13, 2007.

  1. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    Everything’s more awesome when it’s on fire!

    Fire! Punching! Arachnid projectiles! That's quite a nice variety of win for a single chapter to contain. :3

    The delightful mix of keyboard mashings and references that that disk contained was great, too. And so was Miss "KIDNAPPERRRRRSSSS". X3

    AND OH MAN. The Tom-written installment. That was glorious. XD Heh, if I ever find myself needing to recap my own fic for someone again, I think I might just give him a call. XP

    A giant duck can be a great entity!

    Now that is some quality programming right there. :D

    Oh hey, guess what the next ponyta I acquire will probably be named. :D

    I love this image. X3

    Oh dear, am I going to start intermittently thinking of Wes as "Suppurmum" now? XD


    And yes, a traffic cone is indeed part of the official uniform for those who hold the office of kungly queen. It's official. Don't question it.

    Poor shroomish... but that still makes for a funny image. X3

    ...I believe it.

    Yes, dear, of course you are. Heh, and I find myself reminded of something Space Ghost said once: "Ah, you have a drinking problem, don't I?"

    At first, I was like, What, really? But then it occurred to me that the world is filled with many a thing to be set ablaze, so yeah.

    Thus causing me to hear "The One I Love" by R.E.M. in my mind for a short time.

    Silly Cipher, your data disks don't belong in the dumpster.

    Though at least there's not too much to worry about when it comes to what said disk might have smelled like after having been in the dumpster. In The Under, one would hardly notice it.

    OH GOD. *runs and hides*

    *continues hiding for like fifteen minutes before remembering that oh yeah, he's just a character*

    The disk garble was like a grab bag of amusing/creepy stuff, really, but yeah. More than anything else, the honking caught my attention, and it did so immediately. X3

    o.o Well then.

    Though, again, the world is filled with many a thing to be set ablaze.

    Yes, incredibly enough, people can be found in places OTHER than under beds! :eek:

    Well, walking around with a person stuffed in a sack like a bunch of potatoes isn't really anything out of the ordinary. Now, diving into a fountain--that's just lunacy right there!

    Oh, huh. Guess someone still hasn't heard that people-containing bags are all the rage.

    This makes for a rather hilarious image. XD

    She made it about ten steps away before melting.

    Pretty impressive for a molten girl!

    The moment Johnson showed up, I thought, Oh hey, you could punch him!

    ...And then Makuhita did just that. XD Awesome.

    But punching is awesome! It's right up there with fire!

    Spider cannon = win. And I like that spinarak's personality. X3

    I initially read that as just "lumps of spider". Ew. O~o;


    Yes, you'll surely lose a hand if you do. THE HAT MUST FEED...

    Tom officially gets to join Pickles and Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill in the People Who Speak of Cinnamon Buns in Amusing Ways Club.

    Well, aren't they? o.o

    ...Pfffffbahahahaha. XD


    XD The tiny "ings" kills me.

    Also, that is totally is the new title of your fic now. :3

    ...Tom's title is, I mean, not what I said about the tiny "ings".


    Gonzap may forever be Zapman to me now.

    Also, "shouty noses" makes for some terrifying and hilarious (terrilarious? hilarifying?) imagery.

    I think we may have just been given a clue as to what Tom likes to watch during those times when that fire-based program not being on the air and Tom being within the vicinity of a television that he hasn't pulled away from the wall socket happen to occur at the same time.

    Indeed it is simmily. Indeed it is.

    You sure are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    And then it was off to work he went.

    Try saying that aloud without laughing at least a little bit. X3

    And now Miror B. may forever be Biggy Largely Afro Many to me. I love that there's an adverb in that, by the way. All people's names should contain an adverb. Adverbs are awesome, much like fire and punching are.

    He should be scardely. Everyone should be. THE HAIR MUST FEED...

    "Yandy snaggy le punchy thingy" and "shout loud like ear hurt" = hilarious. XD

    Same goes for "mcblueclues of blueland" and "BItey thingy joiny him!" XD


    Is that anything like making a sadly?

    Too bad that breaks the in-game character limit; otherwise I'd totally name a spinda that.


    I fully believe that Tom is capable of magic. Or magsics, rather.

    I love this sentence. Especially the "and dukings huge smile has and yays" part. XD

    Also, I caught myself having initially typed "and duckings" there. X3

    When you're angry lik FIRE, you are very angry indeed.

    I am not at all surprised that he has an opinion on what dishwashers taste like.

    This might just fall under the "it amuses me more than it even should" category. XD

    Dooooom pastries are reportedly delicious. But are they really worth the cost?

    If somehow I ever accomplish anything at all that's truly great, I want a big party with banners strung up that read "IS SUCCESS MANY!"

    I love the phrase "gud job yes madesy". XD Maybe the cake at the "IS SUCCESS MANY!" party could have that written on it.

    ...Ein's butt can use mirror move? o_O
  2. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Glad you enjoyed and bothered to read the whole thing as large as it probably is now in two weeks. XD Thanks, and you're added to the list.

    That's reassuring although nonetheless I may still...add a bit more content here and there (maybe fit in some more actual CHARACTERISATION or whatnot seeing I think I can write better now than 3-4 years ago XD).
    I take pride in my variety. ;p
    Tom would love extra jobs but he cannot guarantee that he'll do a good job of remembering everything. =p
    Well...yes, I suppose it can. Although it'd probably not be easy to understand if it spoke in quacks.
    Awesome is a great name for most Pokemon!
    Maybe...or any other variation of that word. =p
    I think I recall you mentioning this before actually. XD
    I approve of this homestuck knowledge of yours. =D
    Yes, Johnson recalls the time when someone had been on top of the bed instead.
    XD I guess you think like Makuhita when it comes to Johnson then. =p
    But 'XD The tiny "ings" kills me' would be a fabulous story title. =(
    I quite enjoyed reading your analysis of Tom's version of the story, quite entertaining. XD

    Thanks all for the reviews/comments again! I'm roughly on track for that vague 'first half of july' schedule btw due to aforementioned (afromentioned?) exams.
  3. ChaosMudkip

    ChaosMudkip Tepig Hunter

    When can we be expecting another update?
  4. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    As a minor note, posts like these aren't really allowed when they can simply be VM'd/PM'd to the author, but at any rate, I'll just requote myself from a while back:
    This is still the case - still have uni exams until the end of this week and a holiday for the better part of a week the following week, but I'm over halfway done (besides editing) so assuming I'm not lazy/get stuck you can still tentatively anticipate it around the first half of July.
  5. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Chapter Up!

    So much for mid-July, eh? =p I had SUDDEN PRODUCTIVITY and hence what remained of the chapter suddenly happened. Hence you get the chapter now!

    This was beta read by the awesome Chris the Com.


    Chapter 20: Battle Time with the Immensely Fabulous and Creatively Stylish Lady Venus!

    “Well this seems to be it,” Wes remarked as he and Rui approached the UFO-shaped transport. The small, metal platform hovered above a steep drop next to an unfinished bridge. A small box with wires sticking out of it sat nearby – it had a small slot in the middle, with a set of instructions written in tiny, reversed writing inscribed on the side. A tiny yet colourful holographic animation was projected on top - Wes looked at it doubtfully as he tried to make some sort of sense and failed upon concluding that it was telling him about the dangers of wasp stings and burger joints. “How do you suppose that thing works?”

    “Maybe it’s done by magnets?” she said doubtfully as she glanced at the UFO. Needless spikes seemed to jut out of the dull steel device.

    “Umbreon...” (Magnets, how do they work...) Umbreon murmured, earning an eye-roll from Espeon.

    “Well I guess we just do this...” Wes said as he inserted the R Disk into the machine. As it churned out some strange noises and spat the disk out again the UFO began to hum as well – Wes and Rui hurriedly hopped onto the UFO as it moved away. Umbreon and Espeon leapt onto the machine as well and observed the abyss below. Umbreon considered making a comment about dropping eggs from such a height but upon noticing Espeon’s angry glare in response to the idea he thought better of it.

    “Next stop – super secret hideout,” a monetised voice from the UFO spoke slowly. “And now a word from our sponsors.”

    “Sponsors?” Wes said.

    "DOES YOUR LIFE FEEL? We have solution! People and e-monsters by thousand have been happy life with [Bomb]! For the clever opponent, injure increase! Today Get, Remember It!!"

    “...Uh,” Wes managed to sum up as the UFO then stopped playing advertisements to his relief. At least it wasn’t talking about dishwashers...

    “Man, I hate heights,” Rui said quietly as she cautiously glanced over the edge of their platform and instantly regretted it. This is worse than the bridge in Pyrite or Mt Battle... she thought, holding onto Wes’ arm for reassurance.

    “So, one thing that wasn’t cleared up back in the Kids Grid house,” Wes said with a slight grin, “is why you decided to come back to the Under after Sherles decided not to investigate.” Rui looked up at Wes and felt herself blush a bit.

    “Ah, well...” she begun as she twiddled her fingers about before sighing and giving Wes a small smile. Espeon and Umbreon looked on with silent interest. “Well I suppose...it’s that you’ve done so much for me – saving me from kidnapping and taking me to Agate and all. And now I have my own Pokémon as well, and-”

    “Sponsors love money! Why not donate today?” the UFO suddenly exclaimed.

    “Oh shut up,” Rui said irritably as she kicked the machine – unfortunately this resulted in the UFO to beep in protest before it started to spin about.

    “SPONSERSSPONSERSPONSERS!” the generic voice wailed.

    “ARRGH!” Rui and Wes shouted in synch as they clung on.

    “Umbre!” (Whee!)

    With a sudden clunk! the metal dish collided with solid ground and stopped abruptly, sending the group flying out of the transportation device and onto a conveniently positioned mattress.

    “This is too much,” Wes grumbled as he looked about and waited for the dizziness to fade, trying to figure out how they hadn’t died. Judging from how this mattress is in front of where this UFO ended up it seems that our event was not the first...Wes then looked behind the mattress and noticed an imprint of a person on the wall. Yeah, that confirms it.

    “Espeon,” (We’re not going back by using that thing,) Espeon said firmly after a moment’s silence. The others moaned their agreement as they slowly got to their feet.

    “Umbre...” (Oh look, a door...) Umbreon noted as he gazed to the side. A shabby building with a metal roller-door and brown paint peeling off of it greeted the group. Next to it hung a dull chain which seemed to serve as the mechanism for opening the door.

    “Esp,” (People are inside,) Espeon noted with a sharp hiss, staring intently at the door. “Espeon,” (Possibly Cipher,) he noted.

    “All right," Wes said. He crept to the chain and slowly pulled at it to minimise any noise he made as he opened the door to around his knee height. “Could you two go in first and scout it out?”

    “Esp.” (Sure.)

    “Umbreon!” (We’re on a spy mission, bro!) Umbreon remarked cheerfully. Suffering a light whip from his fellow Eeveelution’s tail and a mental chiding for shouting loudly, he then ducked his head and sauntered in.

    “Good idea,” Rui remarked after Espeon had followed his brother. “Hopefully they won’t take too long...”

    “It’s what we did in the old days in fact,” Wes admitted with a slight smirk. “But meanwhile, if you don’t mind you could tell me more about what you were saying when we were so rudely interrupted.”

    “Ah,” Rui replied, looking at her feet. “Well, sure, there’s the stuff I said already, but I suppose those are not the only reasons why because I suppose when I get down to it you could say that I like you, but not just like you but maybe-” she tried, before being interjected by Wes holding up a hand.

    “Rui, you’re rambling again,” Wes said slowly as Rui pouted.

    “Well, I’m not sure I can put it in words that easily...well!” she suddenly piped up, and before Wes knew what happened she had kissed him.

    “Well indeed,” he said at length.


    Silly Wes, thinking that we’d believe he only wanted us to go ‘scouting’, Espeon mentally thought to his brother as they sat in a dark corner observing what was going on the other side of a short hallway. They could see Venus grinning stupidly at a number of large cameras as people filmed what seemed to be another thrilling episode of ‘Everyone’s Venus!’. The cameramen and show host were also smiling just as stupidly at Venus. Espeon shook his head – he simply didn’t get how anyone could be so obsessed with someone like that even with the help of tainted water, but he was glad Wes was not in such a way with that Cipher person anymore.

    So you think he and Rui were going to say they like each other and all... Umbreon thought back.

    Well of course! Espeon thought back with a small snicker. I’m a Psychic after all – I know these things. Just look at how that whole question went on the UFO. But if he wants some privacy then he can have his few moments, and he does have a point in sending us in to get a layout of this place.

    A small break in the conversation began then as they continued to watch on. One of the people had managed to fall over one of the many cords connecting a camera to a power outlet and was now proving to be unable to untangle himself from the mess. Eventually another of his co-workers had enough of the delay caused and brandished a pair of scissors to cut at the cords to show how smart he was to Venus. His reward was an electric shock, having failed to turn off the power first. He fell in a crumpled heap next to the tangled one while Venus failed to notice either person’s antics, continuing to chatter away about how wonderful she was to the cameras which were no longer functioning.

    “And so after the break, we’ll present our Colosseum winner with a brand new Shadow Pokémon!” she declared with a grin that Espeon thought must have been rather painful for the normal human being to muster – he didn’t think such an expression was possible to begin with. The Pokémon also shuddered upon being reminded of Venus’ unnaturally deep voice, and was suddenly reminded of Dakim.

    Wait, Colosseum winner? Umbreon queried.

    Ah yes, good catch. That’s the same thing that Miror B was doing in Pyrite, and we could see that shambles for a Colosseum earlier... I suppose that would have been another way to get in here, but no matter, he thought back. Anyways, back to work – just as well only the main room is well lit.

    With that Umbreon slunk away into the shadows and stalked the building, squinting to prevent his red eyes from giving himself away as well as dimming the rings on his body, so he appeared to be almost invisible to the most observant onlooker. As he took in all the sights of the room and ignored the groans of pain from the cameramen as another tried to attach the cut wires back together, Espeon put together a mental image from Umbreon’s point of view – the stairway to the left corner, the presence of a few smaller rooms that had spare cameras and papers scattered across the floors, and the large screen in the centre of the room. The Psychic Pokémon sorted through the important details and the insignificant features, preparing it to send telepathically to Wes in the form of a map as they had done when they had been working for Snagem. Espeon sighed – so much had happened since then that it already felt like a lifetime ago.

    Say, Umbreon piped up suddenly as he softly walked back to Espeon’s hiding spot, does this mean they’d be doing that crazy dance anytime soon?

    ...What? Espeon managed with a frown, feeling the all-too-familiar sense of dread the odd conversation with his less intellectually-gifted brother would often bring – he would have quite the headache after such a discussion. Do you mean Wes and Rui, and regardless why would...? What dance?

    Well isn’t that what humans do when they say they like each other? It’s the dance with the chicken imitation and whatnot!

    Normally they kiss, not...no seriously, what? Espeon thought in confusion. I don’t need to hurt my head any more after that UFO trip!

    Well, Umbreon thought, feeling somewhat embarrassed that he was apparently mistaken, I swear I saw something about it on the television long ago and stuff and it also involved a game of Scrabble and bad singing and throwing of rassleberry scones ...

    Espeon chose not to question this anymore and settled for shaking his head and trying to convince himself that Umbreon had just happened to watch a bad musical movie and didn’t quite remember all the details. As long as they don’t do that when I’m trying to sleep, he mused finally.

    A moment later the door behind them opened further gradually and with a soft creaking noise, and shortly after Wes and Rui emerged. Espeon regarded them, noting that they were both grinning at each other.

    How silly, he thought to himself, before quickly informing the two of the situation.

    “Good work, you two,” Wes responded as he walked onwards. Espeon hastily delivered him a short burst of mental energy but he ignored it, walking into the room and pointing at Venus.

    “Umbre!” (Hey wait!) Umbreon shouted as he stuck his head around the corner to watch Wes.

    “Let’s just cut to the chase – I’m taking you on!” Wes shouted with a grin, feeling rather hyped up.

    “Espi, Espeon!?” (For goodness sake’s Rui, what did you do to him!?) Espeon demanded, shocked that his trainer was acting brazenly when they could have gone in far more intelligently.

    “...Who are you?” Venus replied, blinking at the man.

    “...Wait, what?” Wes said in surprise. He certainly did not expect this reaction and was also thrown off by her voice which he had forgotten about completely. He scratched his head as he observed Venus’s genuine look of puzzlement. Surely as an Admin of Cipher she must know why I am...

    “Well...” Venus said, studying his outfit with a small frown before gasping and clicking her fingers. “You’re not the makeup guy, that much I know! Maybe you want my autograph?” Before Wes could stop her she had snatched his P*DA off of him and scrawled something on it in bright pink writing before handing it back to Wes, beaming widely. Wes peered at the message which read ‘~*~FOR *NAME HERE* FROM THE FANTASTICALLY FANTASTIC LADY VENUS~*~’.

    So much for a grand entrance, Wes thought dismally, his shoulders dropping slightly.

    “C’mon, let’s go!” Rui said enthusiastically. “If she doesn’t know who he is maybe it’ll be easier for us!” And with that she bounded into the room too.

    “Umbre!” (But I wanted to ask if you did the crazy dance!) Umbreon protested as he entered.

    “But whoever you are you’re interrupting my show!” Venus shouted suddenly, gazing at her cameras. “Now nobody will know how to apply makeup like me! And nobody spoils the glamour of Lady Venus! Prepare for a battle, young man! The Colosseum winner can wait a while to meet the wonderful Lady Venus!” Hearing this claim, the remaining cameramen who had managed to not knock themselves out gasped and hurriedly dragged their colleagues out of the room, only for the group to fall down the set of stairs in their rush.

    “No, seriously, you don’t know who- oh god what!” Wes shouted as he scrambled backwards and yanked Rui and Umbreon with him as Venus threw two Poké Balls. One of the Pokémon that appeared from the capsules was the cat Pokémon Delcatty which hissed at them, showing its tiny yet sharp teeth and pawing at the ground, but its attempt at intimidation failed when it yowled in pain as it was hit by its partner Pokémon’s large bulk.

    Said Pokémon being a nine-metre-long Steelix negated the need for Delcatty to have bothered trying to act scary.

    “That’s...well, a big Pokémon,” Rui said as she brushed off some dust from her jacket and looked at the Pokémon who was staring down at them with giant, menacing eyes, making her feel rather small. It was encased in silver steel, with spikes jutting out from its long snake-like body and jaws big enough to swallow the group whole. The serpent growled at the group, waving its tail about into a few of the cameras absentmindedly while the screech of metal against tiles made all in the room wince.

    “To say the least,” Wes remarked, already quickly thinking on how to take on this foe. Venus doesn’t seem to be bright, but she sure has a giant Pokémon there... it’s Ground and Steel so it’s got a number of resistances too so brute force won’t be the way with that one...

    “STEELIX STEEL! LIX!” (WHY GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL MY NAME IS GRAVE DESTROYER OF SOULS! PLEASED TO MEET YOU!) it remarked loudly, attempting a genuine smile as it ‘wagged’ its tail about happily.

    “UMBREEE!” (AAAAAAAAAAAA!) Umbreon responded, thinking Steelix wanted to consume him rather than make friendly chit-chat.

    “Esp, Espeon!” (Come on, Umbreon, we can take that hunk of steel down!) Espeon said as confidently as he could, stepping forward and refraining from reacting like his brother had.

    “Just wipe them out,” Venus said with a yawn to her Pokémon.

    “STEEL! STEELIX...STEE!” (BUT I JUST WANT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS! AND THEY LOOK SO CUTE... I WISH TO DISCUSS THE WEATHER WITH THEM!) the Steelix roared humbly at Venus, but after she frowned back, seemingly used to this sort of response, the Pokémon then charged forward, sending his head at Umbreon and crashing it into the floor. Rui gasped but Wes petted her on the shoulder as he pointed to Umbreon jumping out of the way and onto the Pokémon’s head.

    “STEELIX!” (AWFULLY SORRY ABOUT THAT I HOPE I AM NOT BOTHERING YOU TOO MUCH!) the Steelix said. Meanwhile Delcatty decided to sit back for the moment and concentrate on not being hit by the Steelix’s thrashing body.

    “Good, now Secret Power!” Wes commanded, oblivious to the Steelix’s demeanour. Umbreon responded immediately and sent his wave of energy at the Steelix’s head before leaping off again. Already picking up on Wes’ thinking as the Steelix roared with pain, Espeon followed up with his own attacks, focusing his psychic powers and managing to lift the Steelix a short height into the air with his Psychic powers before deciding that although managing to lift such a large Pokémon was impressive even for himself, it was too mentally taxing to manage even a few mere inches. It served to distract the giant beast however long enough for Umbreon to continue by emitting a dizzyingly bright set of orbs of light which danced around his opponent’s head. The Pokémon tilted his head as he tried to follow the lights, which suddenly flew up to the ceiling – the large snake-like creature followed suit but only managed to crash his head into the building as Espeon then let the Steelix fall back to the ground.

    “Hey, that’s rude!” Venus shouted, shaking some lipstick at Wes’ Pokémon before applying some to herself, holding a hand-mirror to inspect her work. “You’re very rude!”

    “Espeon!” (And you’re poorly dressed!) Espeon taunted as the Steelix continued to follow the lights that had captured his attention.

    WHAT!?” Venus shrieked. “What did you just say-”

    “He said you’re poorly dressed,” Wes said calmly as he rubbed his ears. “And I’ll add that you don’t seem to care at all about the battle if you think about your own appearance during it – that’s pretty substandard.”

    “Oh, you’ll be SORRY!” Venus hissed, seemingly on the verge of tears now. “Delcatty, do your thing!” she commanded, before hurling her lipstick in anger at Espeon. The action caught Espeon by surprise and left a smear of bright red on his face which in turn caused Umbreon to laugh.

    “Espeo...esp,” (Oh shut up, you...uh,) Espeon remarked at Umbreon before he noticed Delcatty meowing at him. But not just meowing – meowing in a rather... cute manner. The cat Pokémon then winked at Espeon, before licking her paws. Espeon blinked – he had not realised that his opponent had been quite this...beautiful.

    “Umbre...?” (Uh, Espeon...?) Umbreon said uncertainly, only to be ignored as Espeon continued to stare at the Delcatty. Their opponent was now grinning darkly at the Psychic Eeveelution while generating a dark ball of energy between her paws.

    “Delcatty...” (Yes, just look at what pretty things I can make...) the Pokémon purred soothingly.

    “Bugger, I didn’t expect that,” Wes said.

    “Umbre? Umb? Umb! Eon! Umbre? Umb! Umbreon! Umb! Eon!” (Bro? Hey bro? Bro! Come on! Could you stop looking at her? She just wants your money! It’s a trap! Snap out of it bro!) Umbreon continued to try anxiously.

    “What is it?” Rui said, feeling somewhat confused by the sudden inaction of Espeon.

    “It used Attract, so Espeon’s, uh, distracted from the task at hand,” Wes explained quickly. “Espeon, get out of the way!” he shouted but it was no use, and a moment later Espeon was hit by the Shadow Ball attack. He gave a cry of pain as he fell, but quickly got back to his feet and continued to stare stupidly at the smiling Delcatty.

    “Umbreon, it’s up to you to take down the Delcatty then!” Wes commanded, frowning at this new development. Meanwhile the Steelix continued to bang his head against the building in an effort to follow Umbreon’s Confuse Ray attack. At least that’s taken out of the equation for the time being...

    “Umbreon!” (Can do!) Umbreon said as he quickly charged at the cat Pokémon and struck her headfirst on the side, taking advantage of the Delcatty being too distracted with attacking Espeon to notice Umbreon. She fell to the ground and gave a soft moan of pain as she gazed at Umbreon with wide-open eyes, making a small sad expression and batting her eyelashes.

    “Del...” (Oh, you hurt me...)

    “Umb...Umbreon...” (Oh, ah...sorry about that...) Umbreon replied sheepishly, pawing at the ground.

    “Oh great, not you too!” Wes said, clenching his fists.

    “Hehe, Cute Charm is a great ability, no?” Venus giggled as she wagged a finger at Wes. “I think you might have underestimated me...”

    “Espeon!” (Hey, don’t attack her!) Espeon shouted, glaring angrily at Umbreon now before attacking him with a Confusion attack.

    “Umbre, Umbreon!” (Dude, you’re forgetting I’m a Dark type, and I’m cooler looking too anyway!) Umbreon argued back, feeling nothing but irritation at the result of the failed attack.

    “This is going badly,” Wes remarked.

    Just then the Steelix waved his tail at the wrong moment, sweeping the two preoccupied brothers into a wall and promptly knocking them out.

    “Very badly,” Wes continued flatly.

    “STEELIX!” (I’M SO SORRY!) the Steelix shouted, snapping out of his own confused state to apologise to Espeon and Umbreon. Meanwhile Wes mused as he recalled his two fainted Pokémon and sent out Feraligatr and Makuhita in their places, silently cursing his initial enthusiasm which was seemingly proving to be ill-founded here. He was still sceptical of Venus’s abilities as a trainer as her Pokémon were still doing most of the work without much input from her, but they were proving to be tougher than he expected.

    “Okay, be careful not to...” he began to instruct, only to facepalm as he noticed Makuhita staring at the Delcatty oddly instead of performing his usual battle cries. And drat – that Delcatty must be female and I think all my Pokémon are male...bar Entei, and...what is its gender anyways? he thought as he quickly consulted his P*DA only for it to display ‘GENDER UNKNOWN’ back again. Bah. And I don’t think I want to resort to using him just yet anyway if I can help it...

    “Maku hita...” (Kitty pretty...) the Fighting type Pokémon commented slowly.

    “Wes!” Rui said suddenly as she smiled slowly at Wes. “Recall your Pokémon!”

    “But even if they’re attracted they may still attack the Delcatty anyway-”

    “Trust me,” Rui pleaded. “I have an idea...” Wes looked at her for a moment and then nodded before recalling a dazed Makuhita and a bemused Feraligatr back to their Poké Balls.

    “Right, let’s do this, Quagsire!” Rui said as she threw out her own Poké Ball. Wes noted that unlike usual she had managed to throw the ball more or less in the middle of the battle field.

    “How unpretty,” Venus said with disdain as Quagsire appeared. The blue amphibious salamander stared blankly at the women who stepped back, unnerved by its beady eyes. “Delcatty, do your... kawaii-desu things again!” she commanded hurriedly.

    “Okay, I think that comment hurts me the most mentally,” Wes said quietly to Rui, but as the Delcatty proceeded to do just that by sauntering around the Pokémon and meowing happily, Quagsire appeared to not notice a thing as it continued to stare at Venus. Suddenly it threw out one of its arms, slapping the Delcatty a surprising distance away from itself.

    “Maybe you’re a female...Steelix, you try!” Venus said. The large snake bent his head down towards the Quagsire and attempted a grin, as Venus threw a small bag at the Steelix – it broke on impact and coated the Pokémon’s face with a mixture of beauty powders.

    “Wait, it also knows Attract!?” Wes said with dismay, before he noticed Steelix’s face and blinked blankly.

    “That’s the scariest thing I’ve ever seen,” Rui whispered in a tiny voice.

    “STEEL... LIX LIXY STE!” (HELLO YOU LOOK VERY...RAVISHING TODAY WOULD YOU CARE TO HAVE A DELIGHTFUL CONVERSATION ABOUT THE WEATHER WITH ME?) Steelix began, wagging his tail happily. He always liked it when Venus allowed him to try to make friends, although the stuff she insisted throwing at his face somewhat tickled him and didn’t seem to help Pokémon be any friendlier with him than before.

    However Quagsire responded on Rui’s command by showering the Steelix with a blast of water from its mouth. The chemicals on the Steelix’s body were instantly washed off, although some slid into his eyes and mouth.

    “STEELIX STEEL!” (MY BEAUTIFUL EYES OKAY I GUESS YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN THE WEATHER MAYBE YOU LIKE DISCUSSING FINANCE!?) he tried desperately but Quagsire continued his onslaught. Howling, the Steelix crashed his head into a wall – all jumped in fright as he left a noticeable hole in the shape of his head. Groaning, he then clanged his skull to the ground and lost consciousness, although Quagsire continued to douse the Pokémon with water.

    “...You can stop now,” Rui said, feeling rather proud of her achievement. However Quagsire ignored her, instead turning his stream of water at the Delcatty who shrieked in surprise. This prompted the Delcatty to hiss furiously at Quagsire, but during her angry rebuttal she caught sight of herself in a puddle of water created by Quagsire’s attacks. Appalled by the fact her fur was soaked and sticking out making her look more like an oversized Purugly than a delicate Delcatty, she whimpered and ran to Venus, who recalled the Pokémon along with her Steelix. Ignoring Wes and Rui’s confused looks Venus spat furiously at the ground and shook her makeup mirror at the pair.

    “YOU MADE HER UNPRETTY! HOW CAN SHE BE EXPECTED TO FIGHT WHEN SHE DOESN’T LOOK PRETTY, HUH!?” She then shot an especially angry glare at Quagsire, who simply stared back with a big, dopey grin plastered on his face.

    “STOP LOOKING AT ME!” she screamed as she threw two more Pokémon onto the arena, revealing a Vileplume and Banette. The Vileplume trilled happily and poked at the large flower that sat above its body with its short stubby arms, while the latter notably had oversized colourful ribbons tied onto the back of its head, making the ghost type appear strangely pretty.

    “Well done, Rui,” Wes enthused. Smart of her to take advantage of Quagsire’s... absentminded behaviour - and now Venus may be too unsettled to focus properly on this battle! We have a counter to her Attract strategy after all, and maybe... “Okay, let’s try this again, Makuhita!” Wes said, sending out the fighting type again. However yet again the Pokémon did not shout his usual battle cries, but instead began looking around anxiously before turning to Wes with an upset scowl on his face.

    “Maku! Hita hita?” (She is gone! Who took my love from me!?)

    Wes frowned for a moment. Without Espeon any more I can’t quite understand what he’s shouting about, but I’m going to guess he is still under the influence of Attract.

    “Well... that Vileplume had knocked out the Delcatty,” Wes said, and before he could say another word Makuhita yelled angrily, marched up to the Vileplume and kicked it. His attack sent the surprised plant Pokémon through the hole in the wall recently made by the Steelix.

    “NOOOO MY PLANTY!” Venus screamed in her deep voice as she ran to the hole to watch her Pokémon sail out of sight into the buildings of the Under.

    “Er...well done, Makuhita,” Wes said quietly.


    Meanwhile inside the nearby Colosseum for The Under, the few ruffians idling by the reception area observed the large lift that was descending down towards them with mild interest. It was not often that someone would come down these days by what was considered to be the main entrance from the surface to The Under – not since Venus had appeared at any rate, so any visitor was generally considered to be out of the ordinary.

    Significantly more attention was paid to the visitors when they saw that every person upon the platform was clad in police gear, with Sherles standing at the front.

    “Greetings,” he said in a gruff voice to the onlookers as he walked past. “You’d think they’ve seen a ghost,” he muttered to Andrew who walked beside the sheriff.

    Andrew decided not to comment back, instead musing angrily to himself about the whole case. Sure, the fact that Sherles had found out from the escaped criminals that the Mayor was involved with Cipher meant it’d probably be sooner than later that they’d bring down Cipher. That also meant he could go back home sooner rather than later and return to dealing with far less bothersome criminals like unruly grannies up in arms about unwieldy shopping trolleys. However this also meant that Wes was innocent and so the arrest warrant for him had been promptly dropped – and he still hadn’t forgiven him for telling Johnson to talk to him. He wasn’t even sure if such an act could ever be forgiven.

    And to boot now they were off looking for them and some kids who had just sent them a whole bunch of information on Cipher – how they got it was anyone’s guess - in a place that made Pyrite seem like heaven. The whole place smelled terribly. Sherles had insisted on coming with them, remarking that maybe this time the majority of the force mightn’t end up defeated by a man wielding a cactus – predictably none dared to protest this fairly solid reasoning.

    “Shererelily!” someone shouted at the group suddenly. Sherles looked at the source and frowned.

    “Tom, what are you doing here?” the Sherriff asked. He silently wondered why the drunk was here but took his appearance in his stride, maintaining his usual look of seriousness.

    “Kiddies senty sir tommy! They no likey storeys sos i to waity and lads you ths sippermun!”

    Sherles after a short moment of taking in Tom’s speech nodded. “All right then – those children mentioned Wes and Rui went off to find Venus so I think we should deal with that first,” Sherles instructed the group as they stepped outside.

    “Tomsy teh bestestestily story timers of all Tims!” Tom continued to rant. “Kiddern noey reshunct fis!”

    “Yes, I’m sure you are,” Sherles said as he looked around before suddenly Andrew hauled him backwards as a Vileplume fell from the sky and landed with a loud thud where he had just been standing.

    “...Thanks, son,” Sherles said, taken by surprise at this event. Tom curiously stepped forward and prodded the fainted Pokémon with his foot while muttering to himself, before asking the plant Pokémon if he wanted to hear his tales. Sherles meanwhile looked outside again towards the direction the Vileplume had came from and noticed a building in the distance with a hole in a wall oddly shaped liked a Steelix’s head. Distant, faint yelling could be heard from within by what sounded like a very upset man.

    “I think that’s likely where they are then,” Sherles suggested.


    Back within the building in question Wes bit his lip, regretting Makuhita’s action in punting the Vileplume so far away. Venus had decided that enough was enough and had scurried to a desk and pressed a button, which had summoned several Cipher grunts to the room from the stairway.

    “You’ll regret doing that to my Plumy-pie! Whoever you are,” she proclaimed for the seventh time as she walked down the stairs by herself. Wes grimaced – suddenly it seemed they’d be having an all-out brawl while Venus would simply make her retreat – he didn’t want her to just up and leave like that but it seemed there was little choice in the matter.

    “Let’s prepare ourselves for a big fight then, Rui. I bet those Cipher grunts would be quite keen on protecting Venus – probably also brainwashed,” he said softly as he noticed many gave lingering gazes to Venus’ departure. And great, I didn’t want Rui to come into any more danger than she already had too!

    Suddenly several running footsteps sounded outside the building. “Freeze, Police!” someone shouted, and a moment later the room was overrun with policemen brandishing their own Poké Balls. Wes instinctively put his hands up and sighed.

    “Relax, Wes, you’re off the hook,” Sherles drawled as he walked in behind the policemen. Wes looked around and noticed that the police force was facing the Cipher agents rather than himself. “It’s a long story. Very nice work, people – looks like we have some Cipher folk! But where is this Venus lady...?” Sherles continued, looking around.

    “She went downstairs,” Wes said, pointing to the stairway.

    “Well what are you waiting for, boy? After her!” Sherles barked as he charged ahead. “Andrew, you send people over when I ask for it, but first deal with arresting these people.” Wes and Rui recalled their Pokémon and followed as the Cipher grunts could only look on as Andrew proceeded to read off a paper to them.

    “You have the right to remain silent and completely odour-free with Smell-u-Later, now available in all... why are there advertisements in this?” Andrew mumbled. “Anything you say can be used against you and Batman in court... okay, who switched the Orre’s jail rights paper on me!?” he demanded, facing the other policemen who struggled to refrain from snorting at their prank. Bloody amateurs, Andrew fumed angrily.

    “Tommy cun hip tan!” Tom declared during all this as he bounded after Sherles.

    “Wait, what are you doing here now?” Wes asked as they ran.

    “Not the time, Wes,” Sherles said simply.


    A maze of corridors greeted them at the bottom of the stairway, but hearing the distant footsteps of Venus, Sherles ploughed forward, ignoring the empty rooms and unconscious cameramen that popped up every so often. Wes found it hard to keep up with the old man such was his speed, although Tom didn’t seemed to be deterred by his pace, half-running half-stumbling behind him.

    “Hey!” a man shouted at them out of a room as they ran past, “Venus just went by, right? I’m waiting for her to present me my Pokémon already!”

    “Kippies!” Tom shouted back to the man who scratched his head in confusion.

    “Aha, there she is...” Wes panted as they soon caught sight of the woman. She however noticed the group following her and gave a small gasp before hurrying away through a doorway. As they emerged from the doorway a large steel stairway appeared before them, with Venus standing upon a lift descending rapidly to a lower level.

    “Drat, she’s getting away!” Rui panted as she wondered where she was going.

    “The stairs,” Sherles said without the slightest pause in his chase as he continued down.

    “She probably finally realised that something wasn’t right with the fact we got past her Cipher people in a minute with a policeman in tow,” Wes said as he took in a breath and followed Sherles down the stairway, who still hadn’t slowed up in his chase.

    Oh gosh, they probably want to steal my makeup! Venus thought to herself anxiously as she watched them continue to follow. Such unflattering rude fans...

    As the lift touched down Venus sprang out and ran towards another doorway – a few moments later and Sherles, Tom and Wes had reached the bottom themselves.

    “Hurry up, Rui!” Wes shouted as he continued onwards, noticing that she was lagging behind a bit.

    “I’ll be there in a second,” Rui called, gathering her breath back as the others rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. She glanced around the large room, noticing a bright-green liquid sitting in one half of the room. Why does it smell like lemonade... she thought, tilting her head as she gazed at the pool. Anyway, I think I know what to do. Taking something from her bag before sending the lift back up, she then left the room.


    “Wow, I can’t say I expected to find this here,” Sherles said quietly as Rui caught up to the three. In front of them was a small train station with a train seated in the middle. The place was deadly quiet save for the four people’s breathing and footsteps.

    “Well she must be inside... and she must be meaning to escape via the train!” Wes exclaimed as he ran for the open door. He bounded inside the train first as the rest followed.

    “There are...cages here,” Rui noted as they ran through the carriages. She gazed at them quickly as they did so. “I can see some remnants of Shadow Pokémon aura in them,” she added with disapproval.

    “Well I guess we know what they transported here via this train then,” Sherles replied.

    “Tastee?” Tom said as he looked at some test tubes sitting on a desk filled with brightly coloured liquid and then to Sherles, only to be greeted with a stern head shake from the Sherriff. The man resorted to pulling out a bottle of alcohol from his pocket instead and grinning at it happily before opening and sculling the whole drink down.

    “But we’re at the end,” Wes said suddenly as they boarded the last carriage, before frowning and walking outside again. “And...I don’t see her anywhere so maybe she wasn’t on the train...oh.” A vicious growling sound followed his remark.

    “Well that sounds reassuring,” Sherles said to Rui with a sigh before he too stepped out via the last door.

    Before them stood Venus, applying some lipstick to her mouth in front of Wes. The teenager was anxiously staring at a blue cheetah-like Pokémon. It had a purple, cape-like mane and was staring back at Wes with soulless eyes.

    “That’s a Suicune, isn’t it,” Sherles said softly. “Part of the legendary Johto trio like Entei and Raikou.”

    “Yes, it is,” Venus said with more than a hint of pride in her deep voice, gesturing to its shining silver crest. “Rather fitting for one as elegant as me, no? I didn’t even have to give it ribbons!” she proclaimed proudly, now motioning to the swirling blue tails that resembled streamers. “I’m not meant to show it off apparently but that’s just silly, don’t you think?” The beast however ignored the comment and instead snarled at the group.

    “It’s a Shadow, isn’t it?” Wes said to Rui.

    “Yes, yes it is,” Rui said. “It’s got a very dark aura.”

    “Yessy, Thommy lurks drinkssss, merryilily meriluooly nermanly mermannny, lifeey, is...” Tom sang to his now empty bottle of beer as he too stepped outside. He then looked up and noticed the creature. Gazing at it, then his bottle, and back to the beast, he mumbled something, dropped the bottle and quietly walked back into the train.

    “At any rate,” Venus said, ignoring this event, “you’re not getting my autograph now, that’s for sure!” Sherles and the two teenagers exchanged glances before Wes sighed with exasperation.

    “Look, I’m Wes. W-E-S. I’m the one who blew up Team Snagem’s base and drove out Miror B and beat Dakim. You know, the one breaking up Cipher?” he said at length. “Not some dumb fan.”

    “Oh... Nassy said something about you, but... I don’t know, could you repeat that?” Venus said, clearly daunted by the task of thinking about someone other than herself. Wes facepalmed, noting that he seemed to be doing that an awful lot lately, before throwing out a Poké Ball.

    “Whatever, I’ll let Entei do the educating,” Wes said as his own Legendary Pokémon appeared in front of the Suicune and roared itself. “I’m sure you can make an exception in this case, Sherles,” he added to the man, who merely nodded and stepped to the side, looking around himself.

    “Pfft, he’s so much less pretty than my Pokémon,” Venus sniffed. “Just use some water attacks and then come back to me when you’ve won.” At that Venus turned and walked away, leaving in the direction they had all come from in the first place, while the Suicune sprayed a fierce jet of water. To Wes’ horror his Pokémon reacted badly to the attack, roaring again with rage before setting its own body on fire. From within the train Tom clapped his approval.

    “Wes, his aura’s gone red – he’s very angry!” Rui cried as she scurried back from the heat.

    “Steady, steady, Entei, aim your attacks at that Suicune, not us!” Wes cried as he stepped back. This utterly failed as the Suicune quickly attacked again, producing another bellow. Entei decided the best way to take out its rage was by running through the station’s walls.

    “...Bugger,” Wes said as he recalled the Pokémon through the hole it had created. I obviously cannot control Entei again – so maybe I’ll have to use my remaining Pokémon-

    “And there it goes,” Sherles remarked, noting that the Water-type had bounded off after her master already, content that the Entei had been dealt with.

    “Well damn,” Wes said, punching what was left of the wall in annoyance.

    They then observed the Suicune run head-first into an invisible barrier, groan and stagger about on its feet from the impact.

    “Wait, what?” Wes said. “But...”

    Sherles quietly motioned to his Alakazam who was standing on top of the train. “You didn’t forget about my own Pokémon now, did you?” he said with a wink as he put away his P*DA. “Right, we’re going to wear this thing down and keep it from getting away until the rest of the force get down here with their nets – not a conventional capture but it’ll do. Just need a few minutes for it or so.”

    “All right then,” Wes said, pulling out his Poké Balls. “But what about Venus – she’ll get away-”

    “Actually, I think she won’t,” Rui said with a grin.


    Venus was meanwhile gloating to herself as she approached the lift, somewhat annoyed that it was no longer down at the ground floor but rather back at the top. Whoever had made this so was very rude and inconsiderate of ladies in need like her. She looked with disapproval at the flight of stairs and decided she’d rather wait for the lift to come back down and pressed the button.

    “Why is it so icky here,” she said to herself, gazing around. “Next time I plan to escape people after my makeup I’m doing so in style – I better tell those grunts to clean this place up-YOU!” she hissed suddenly as the lift descended.

    For standing upon it was Quagsire, who had been waiting patiently for either something to do or Rui to come back, whichever had come first.

    “Why, I’m going to make you pay for making my Delcatty all wet!” Venus ranted to the mudfish Pokémon.

    “Qua, quag,” (Duh, water fun,) the Pokémon responded as it doused her with water as Rui had instructed it to do, causing the woman to shriek.

    “AAAAAA! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT MY CLOTHES THEY ARE RUINED-” Venus screamed, when Quagsire managed to recall Rui mention the word mud to him before she had left. Quagsire liked mud, and so decided to share this fact with Venus.

    She was none too pleased.


    Andrew frowned as a few minutes later he came into the room and heard a strange sobbing noise. Jogging down the set of stairs before him with a number of other policemen in tow, he found a rather happy Quagsire standing in front of a crying woman howling at the Pokémon, her clothes full of dirt and water. She then tried to slap the Quagsire only for it to slap her back. She then gazed at the men.

    “Oh, my fans, my fans...” she whispered. “You’ll save Venus, won’t you? Won’t you!?”

    “...I think we better arrest her just to be safe,” Andrew ordered to a couple of the policemen who nodded, while the rest followed Andrew onwards.

    “Well damn, he was right,” Andrew muttered as he came into sight of Wes, Rui and Sherles doing battle against a Suicune in what appeared to be an underground train station. They had managed to corner the beast – a small Plusle was hopping up and down rapidly with excitement, while an Alakazam was throwing an array of spoons at the Suicune and a Feraligatr attacking from afar with jets of water, forcing the Suicune to remain in said corner in order to avoid being hit.

    “Get to it,” Sherles barked as he noticed the arrival of people, prompting them to throw a large array of Net Balls above the Suicune – at once nets came out of the capsules and ensnared the Pokémon. The Suicune struggled to run off but fell down, and decided to make do with lying still save for some heavy breathing and glaring angrily at everyone.

    “Excellent... good work, men,” Sherles said, wiping his brow before recalling his Pokémon.

    “We did it!” Rui beamed happily, recalling the Plusle as well before turning to Andrew. “Did my Quagsire stop Venus?”

    Andrew nodded. “Yeah, if by Venus you mean that woman crying loudly about being wet- hey, who’s in the train!?” he suddenly shouted in alarm.

    “Well, Tom is...oh,” Wes said as he turned to look – through the windows they could see a puzzled Tom stumbling about as the train started moving suddenly.

    “Tommy no likey choo choo!” they heard him cry as the train departed from sight.

    “Well, I guess maybe it was a bit too much to hope that everything would have gone down smoothly,” Sherles said at length.


    And so concludes the battle with Venus! Hope you enjoyed, please comment, yadda yadda yadda. Time to show how this relates to the game!

    UFO - I'm not sure who in Genius Sonority was responsible for thinking that having a UFO as a transportation system...in an underground town...was a particularly sane idea, but I guess that went out the window when they designed Miror B's afro and Gonzap's eyebrows anyway. This thing takes you forward, right, left, up and down thanks to the very imaginatively named F-Disk, R-Disk, etc. You insert it in a machine and walk onto the UFO and it takes you to the other side of the gorge that splits The Under in two. For storyline purposes you only need to be able to go to the 'right' - forward takes you to the Colosseum and a bunch of NPCs, left nets you the fantastical GOLDEN TEETH item (because copy-pasting the Old Warden sub-quest from RBY/FRLG with some old guy with an Amulet coin is a great idea, GS!), up gets you a bonus time flute and down is for post game stuff including rebattles with bosses. Considering Miror B is a boss the D-Disk is the best disk ever.

    Hideout building - uh...it's not much of a hideout at all frankly and mostly serves as the place where Venus has her television show filmed. There's some items and a set of stairs that takes you to underneath the Colosseum.

    Wes and Rui, sitting in a tree... - this is actually canonical! Maybe not the kiss but the fact that they like each other at any rate. NPCs constantly comment on it (using terms like 'lovebirds' as early as Phenac City!), and an Admin at one point in the game even comments on the fact they walk in 'hand in hand'. Considering this is hence the only real Pokmon ship that is basically canonical for a game (not counting the spinoffs I have not played in case they also have it) and it makes sense, it's one of the few ships out there I agree with.

    Venus - she's not quite as dimwitted in the games in that she does recognise Wes, I'll admit, but she certainly cares a lot about her image (her 'wants to battle animation' if memory serves involves her twirling around in her dress to boot) and isn't bright either, which does beg the queestion 'why is she an admin'... All her Pokemon appeared (if briefly with some) in the chapter here - amusingly the Steelix's animation is to HOVER IN THE AIR.

    Let's just think about that in the moment - STEELIX HOVERS. WHY.

    Anyways her battle style involves status effects - namely, Attract. Guess what - if you use Umbreon and Espeon which are always males in the game... Other then that she is not too hard as long as you can cover her somewhat varied team... and then she throws Suicune at you. Hurrah for another shadow legendary! You can snag it if you're lucky (Net Balls which are available not long before this moment come in very useful as a note and were hence used by the Police here).

    Cipher grunts - here's a case why Venus is not that smart - she battles you and allows her legendary to get snagged...instead of just calling up these guys to help out in the first place. They do get used though eventually - upon losing the battle Venus runs off and uses them to slow you down in the lift-stairs part - she takes the lift and you are forced to go after her the long way and battle them one by one.

    That one guy - the person Tom shouted at as he chased Venus? He's in the game as a minor NPC wondering when Venus will give him his Shadow Pokemon. Not an interesting NPC.

    Train Station - yay underground train station. When you get there Venus is nowhere to be found leaving you to explore the train which is full of cages, science stuff, computers and whatnot. Once you leave the train though Venus shows up and taunts you about you not being able to use the train and whatnot and then runs off, gone for good. (Although not in the chapter because police force and Quagsire, yay).

    Another reason why Venus is stupid? She manages to drop the key to the train system as she escapes. Well done, Venus, well done. A winner is you. The difference here is that Tom drives off by himself, and we'll see what happens with him next chapter.

    As a minor note, one of the ads was a reference to Telefang ie 'Pokemon Diamond/Jade', of which I have recently been doing a Let's Play of - it is full of delightful engrish such as that. =p An-chan of PC and other places came up with the ad and here it is slightly edited.

    Also, Duncan wishes to teach you a word. (He also suggests checking out that Surviving the World site for it is pretty cool).
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2011
  6. Xman96

    Xman96 Fighting Leader

    Wow that was really good. One of my favorite things that you did with Venus was maek her voice so deep! I laugh everytime I read her lines because of this. And hooray for Coloseum Shipping! This is maybe the only ship that I like, and even used it in my own fic. All in all, good chapter, although, there were a few placed that I felt needed commas because otherwise they the sentence sounded wierd.
  7. X-ice654

    X-ice654 Angry Dawn is Angry

    I am very Happy!

    What the...........

    Hooray for conveniently placed mattresses.

    A very nice sweet scene. ColosseumShipping FTW!!!!

    Don't worry Espeon I'd be as confused as you too. Though I think I know what Umbreon is trying to talk about, but I'm not really sure.

    LMAO!XD Love it.

    I'm lovin' that Steelix. One of the best pokemon in the whole fic thus far.

    Wonderful Chapter, bobandbill as all ways.
  8. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Agreed - also the only 'ship' with Pokemon I am okay with because it makes sense, does not involve ten year olds and is canonically supported too (what with all those NPCs commenting on it...). Glad you enjoyed - do you have any particular instances that you felt needd commas though? I like to edit out errors and it'd make my task of finding said instances easier. =p
    Indeed, or the fic may had ended right there and then. D=
    Good to hear I did not butcher it then!
    To be honest, I'm not 100% sure myself. ;p
    Glad you enjoyed him and the chapter then - cheers for the review!
  9. Xman96

    Xman96 Fighting Leader

    None of them are too major, it just felt odd when I was reading it. I'll go through and point out which ones made me feel thise way.

    This next one is kinda a personal reading, but I felt that this line really needed a few commas. Of course, if you meant for Umbreon to just kinda ramble, then I guess it's okay.

    Those are the only two that really stick out to me right now. It just felt...odd, I have no other way to put it when I read it. Overall beautiful chapter.
  10. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    Why does it smell like lemonade...

    Attract is just one of the most ridiculous moves there is, so it's pretty much always amusing to see it get used in a story. And Espeon and Umbreon BOTH being attracted to Delcatty and starting to fight over her was a great addition to that. XD

    And that steelix was awesome. XD

    *applauds* Well done, good sir.

    Rui kisses contain chemicals that suppress inhibitions.

    All messages written by Venus are that color, regardless of what color the thing that she's actually using to write it would normally produce.

    OH MY GOD IT'S A GIANT PUPPY. I love this thing's personality. XD


    I like how the effects of the confuse ray are being depicted here. Well, I reckon those are the effects of the confuse ray, anyway. I can see where that steelix might very well be inclined to go after the pretty lights even if they were just there and hadn't actually done anything to him. He wouldn't need to be technically confused. He's such a silly puppy.

    And then he went and said that, and suddenly he became Nathan Explosion in my mind. Sounded like him and everything.

    While still being a puppy.

    I just love the way this guy talks. X3

    Oh no, Tom, please don't get me thinking that Sherles is a talking flower. XD

    Because sponsors love money!

    :D Yay. I like alakazam.

    Ha! XD


    Yes, yes indeed. Seriously, if you knew how many times I've rebattled that guy there...
  11. Treecko's Awesomeness

    Treecko's Awesomeness Treecko is claimed!

    A winner is you!

    Bobandbill, You. Are. AWESOME! This is quite possibly the best fan-fic I have ever read, and is better than most published books I've read. I love the twist you put on the game's plot as well as ColosseumShipping, the only relevent ship in the history of pokemon games.
    Epic win. I see you are a fan of the realm of troll-dom. Steelix was especialy great. You are an amazingly talented writer. Oh, and I would like to be on your PM list if possible. Keep being awesome!
  12. superpika1of4

    superpika1of4 Storm user

    I feel very sorry for Espeon. Umbreon doesn't even understand how magnets work!! XD
    It's kinda sad.
  13. Missingno. Master

    Missingno. Master Poison-type Trainer

    OK, between ColosseumShipping, the large amount of lines Tom got, awesome use of Attract, and especially THAT STEELIX, this chapter was almost as much epic win as a Miror B. chapter would be. And that's a lot of epic win.

    ..That Steelix won me over. A giant, menacing steel snake with the personality of a playful puppy. Just so freakin' awesome. I hope we can see more of it in future chapters.
  14. Son_of_Shadows

    Son_of_Shadows Well-Known Member

    This line alone completely made the chapter. Bobandbill, I tip my hat to you.
  15. Eternalserenity

    Eternalserenity Wanderer

    "My clothes are ruined!"

    That's because the advertisers ran out of money for promotions!

    This is genius! You couldn't possibly write anything funnier than this!

    Apparently, I was wrong! ^_^ I'm amazed Tom didn't start getting excited because Entei set itself on fire!

    This is a great chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one.
  16. psyrose3

    psyrose3 Well-Known Member

    ...Welp, I'm kinda late.

    My reaction: "AHAHAHAHAHA! Yes! YES!"
    Next reaction: "I love Engrish."

    You wanna say that in Engrish, man? Good luck.

    Engrish UFOs are worse than traversing magnetic powered floaty platforms up an active volcano? Really.

    Please tell me that person's still alive.

    ...Possibly. Really.

    Apathy everywhere.


    I get it now. Venus is the embodiment of laziness.

    That's cute. Too bad you have an Entei.

    And then status effects everywhere.

    ...Mainly Attract spam. Ugh.

    ...This is third gen. Guh.


    Wes reaction = all of our reactions.

    ...How can you have a Steelix and yet say Quagsire isn't cute? :S

    Impossible. Everyone in Cipher joined willingly, until they decided to go the traitor route.

    ...Nassy. That would call for another facepalm, yes...

    "Well damn," indeed. Even moreso if this were a Nuzlocke run. :U

    That makes sense.


    ...Not bootlegged Pokemon Engrish Green? Boo.

    Welp, this was a nutty chapter, and it only gets crazier from here.

    Good luck.
  17. heatran_ran

    heatran_ran Vengeful Bastard

    Three cheers for Collosseumshipping!
    Oh and by the way, I swear the battle sequence with Steelix was one of your best so far.
    Kudos. :D
  18. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Yay more reviews! Cheers all!
    I'll agree with the first one, although with the second it was meant to be a case of Umbreon rambling without pausing there.
    It sure is, and I felt it had to feature in the chapter, this move, given it is Venus.
    To Wes anyway. =p
    I suppose that is a fair point. XD
    I'll confess I do not know who Nathan Explosion is... and now I feel I am missing out. =p
    But maybe he is, Sike! Maybe he is.
    Is it as many times as I rebattled him? =p And thanks again for your review as usual!
    Thanks a lot, although I personally feel I've got a way to go to be better than publish books. ;p And yes, it is the only relevant ship, agreed.
    Well... I'm not exactly a fan of troll-dom (heck, I'm a mod, in a way I fight trolls ;p) but yeah, I can see you caught that reference. XD Thanks a lot for the review - glad you enjoyed and consider yourself added!
    To be fair Umbreon never managed to graduate in Science.
    That does sound like a lot. =p (Speaking of which, guess who will appear again next chapter =p).
    Hmm, I can't say I had any plans to bring Venus' Pokeon into further chapters anymore, but we shall see I suppose. I wouldn't count on it much in case it comes of forced though - in other words I'd only do it if I can fit it in easily enough.
    Thanks for the hat-tip. =p
    Thanks. =) However, with the bit about being amazed Tom didn't get excited - he did!
    Don't worry, better late than never as far as I'm concerned. ;p And now I wonder how many people took my 'middle of july' thing to heart. =p
    Engrish can be pretty darn amusing imo. =)
    Well, the latter didn't spin and at least had a warning! =p
    ...Yes it is indeed? =p
    Mind you we was told not to go about showing that and revealing he has one of their key shadow Pokemon to another Cipher admin - even a dimwitted one - wouldn't be a necessarily good idea from Ws' perspective.
    Cuteness is subjective. =p
    Wondered how many would notice that nickname of Venus'. XD
    Nope, although that can have amusing Engrish too. (I had that game as a child so hence me doing an LP for NOSTALGIA/own amusement.
    True, that. Cheers for the review!
    Thanks - glad Steelix seems to be so well liked. XD
  19. Blue Astra

    Blue Astra Icy blue

    “Tommy no likey choo choo!â€

    I’m new here. Have been reading your masterwork in the shadows, not deciding to register and write a review. I instantly fell in love with it, especially with your humour, which is unbeatable. It even influenced me so much that I can’t write without thinking how would bobandbill write this?

    Just a tiny mistake

    Epic, just epic

    So children, remember that never ever never make sponsers angry, or THEY WILL LET THEIR WRATH FALL ON YOU!! Thanks for the attention…

    It’s more interesting than in the game.

    I liked how their relationship climaxed(ortho) to this point. It’s not superfluous, but just as it should be. Interested to see what will follow…

    And not only the voice. Just to think how clever both of them are…

    The only answer was Rui’s satanic smile.

    I like how you describe the moves and their effect. They are as good as your humour. Must say that Attract was very annoying and troubled me even in Deep Colosseum.

    Unnecessary repetition.

    Now I’m confused. I know his name is Andrew, but what does Anthony has to do with it?

    Although it has been so long ago, only now did I finish XD. So, the scene with Eagun’s beard being real, was it inspired from Jovi? And are you going to do a retelling on XD too?
    An afro-tastic chapter as always. Keep up the good work. Can’t wait to see your next chapter. Could I be put on the PM list, please?

    ~Truthfully yours~
  20. Phoopes

    Phoopes There it is.

    Sorry for waiting to review... I wanted to catch up with the whole storyline before I did. Anyways... Love this Fan-Fic! Very humorous and it explains many things as well. Also, quick story to tell... As a joke, I wanted to take an IQ test before reading Storytime with Tom. So, I took the IQ test, read Storytime with Tom, and then took the EXACT SAME IQ TEST AGAIN. I scored 3 points lower the second time. Coincidence? I think not. Anyway, my favorite parts of the chapter were...
    All I can say is... WTF?
    Oh Umbreon. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.
    This whole scene could have been one of the funniest Pokemon fan fic scenes that I have ever read! BAHAHAHAAHA!

    So, sorry for the long post, but keep up the good writing b&b! Whenever you put out the next chapter, it'll be worth the wait!

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