Firstly: a complaint:
Every single pokemon appears to be either stupid, evil or sarcastic, and despite how funny such personalities are, I see the detail you've put into the plot itself, and it makes me frown that other parts of the fic suffer this way
I can see how my story may not fully account for those who never played the game, though in that case they would simply miss out upon the 'explainations for the unexplained'. I may end up editing previous chapters slightly as so to be more descriptive and increase the auidence I intend to read this (which is everyone ).Moving a bit away:
The fic is almost perfect, although the current descriptions of settings are a tad lacking (It seems throughout the story you assume everyone has played through the game, which is not the case), and the afforementioned personality issues, I enjoy the attempted jokes throughout the story (You seem to have an obsession with devouring a multitude of imaginary pastries), and the attention to the original storyline of the game.
In future: aim for personality deviations (Which even the anime itself has struggled to do for a decade) and finer detail explanations, because despite the fact you are clearly aiming for an audience who has observed the original material, it wouldn't hurt to cater to those who haven't or simply can't remember... Or be bothered to replay the game (like me). Good job BobandBill! Aim for perfection!
I don't think i can see what exactly Wes has that could make him dissapointed.
Bluno is one of the wierd color brothers right? I forget what they call themselves...
a funny chappie thats for sure.
but, I cant think of anythin else. (curse me and my horrible reviewing skills)
this is an awesome fanfic.
seeing as I finished colloseum and am on the verge of beating XD, this is way more interesting than the game. keep up the good work!
In Skarmory’s humble opinion, all the trouble started when that good-for-nothing stupid man with funny pointy hair coming out from around his nose and eyes showed up near his nest and started building big gray buildings.
Meanwhile, the previously mentioned man with ‘funny pointy hair’ - a.k.a. Gonzap, was expressing his displeasure at a young teenager in a blue coat.
He was a bald man with a large stature - but a main distinguishing feature was his pointy moustache, and his long eyebrow. Nobody made jokes about that though. Nobody would have dared when Gonzap was concerned.
The teenager’s Umbreon started to growl at Gonzap.
"Umbre!" (Shut up, Mr Moustache Eyebrow man!
Meanwhile the Skarmory landed in its nest - a rough bundle of sticks put together covered by a small spiky bush. The Skarmory didn’t mind though - the sharp thorns in the bush did nothing to its steel hide, and it kept out the majority of intruders. Settling down to eat, Skarmory looked around to make sure that nothing else was to come to try to steal his meal.
The Skarmory literally fell out of the nest at the noise, and had to flap hard to avoid hitting the ground. Startled, he flew around several times screeching about the indignantly of being so greatly disturbed before it could eat its meal.
Gonzap grimly picked up the Great ball and put it in his pocket. He glanced at the base, full of flames and people running out of the building.
Very smart, Wes.
You’ve destroyed our main Snag machine, and stole the other one. You took our Zoomer. And to boot, you used those explosives we had been planning to use in Agate Village as well to destroy our base.
AND half my moustache has burnt off, and I don’t have an eyebrow anymore.
You’ll pay for this.
After driving around the desert for half an hour, trying to figure out the controls of the Zoomer (which wasn’t helped by Espeon and Umbreon trying the chew the controls), Wes finally managed to get the Zoomer travelling in a straight line. After the recent event, Wes felt… free.
Free from Team Snagem. Free from having to sneak around towns to steal Pokemon. Free from the guilt he felt whenever he had to hand in a Pokemon that he knew would end up becoming a shadow Pokemon. Free from Gonzap’s ugly face. And free from the poor quality food that Team Snagem could muster.
For instance the sandwiches that were made on Fridays were made with real sand.
“Umm, Folly? Why aren’t you driving?”
“I, um, seemed to have misplaced the car keys...”
Wes took a moment to observe his surroundings before consuming the burger. It was a unique place, with a few people sitting around watching the T.V. Nearby a man with bright pink hair was playing a tune repeatedly on a harmonica.
Wes stopped eating to look upon the man. The bright pink hair looked disturbing to say the least.
“Oh never mind him,” exclaimed Kirk. “That’s just Pinky”
“Don’t call me that!” exclaimed the person. “My name is Willie and before you ask, this hair came about from a hairdressing accident…”
Umbreon looked upon the person with a questioning look.
“Someone’s Kecleon freaked out the hairdresser and she spilled this dye in my hair” Willie explained. “So I guess I’m stuck with it until it fades out - it doesn’t wash out for some stupid reason…”
Later on Wes saw something on the T.V that caught his eye. He had been watching a boring news investigation about a coffee shop that was typical of the average television programs only available in Orre.
It was starting to get interesting when one of the reporters, Mary was ‘assaulted’ by a random old man. He had started shouting about how he couldn’t get coffee and how that was such a tragedy. He wasn’t letting Mary past into the shop to interview the owner and was about to start throwing coffee mugs everywhere, when suddenly the investigation got interrupted.
“We interrupt this, eh, interesting news investigation with a special bulletin. Police has confirmed that the notorious criminal gang Team Snagem has had their base destroyed in an explosion.”
Willie stopped playing his harmonica as everyone clambered around the T.V.
“The location of Team Snagem’s hideout was previously unknown but now police have gotten into the act and have made arrests. They are currently interrogating these people. The cause for the explosion is currently unknown. We will now return to our program.”
The T.V program returned to Mary running away from the man who was yelling “WHERE’S MY COFFEEEEE!”
As Wes got out of the Outskirt Stand to find a place to stay for the night, Willie followed him out.
“Hey, Wes - want to have a battle?”
Wes thought for a moment. He didn’t really like Willie as he wouldn’t stop playing the same annoying tune over and over again on his harmonica. But it would be good practise for Espeon and Umbreon.
They quickly stood apart away from the train and got ready to battle. Silence followed, besides an encouraging shout from Kirk: “Go get him, Pinky!”
“Stop calling me that!” shouted Willie. “Go! Moltres and Mewtwo!” he called as he sent out two Pokemon.
Wes stared. Surely…he didn’t call his two Zigzagoon after Legendary Pokemon.
Nearby Folly and Trudly were still looking for the keys. Suddenly Trudly give out a shout of delight.
“I found them!”
“Great! Let’s go!” Said Folly as they hopped in the vehicle. “Oh, by the way, where were they?”
“Umm, it doesn’t matter” said Trudly quickly.
“No, really, where were they?”
“Well, they were… in my pocket.”
Sure enough, Folly and Trudly were trying to bring the sack within the city, and were failing in fantastic style. The ‘thing’ in the bag was shaking violently. A lady and an athlete with a Castform looked on worriedly.
“What’s… in there?” she asked nervously.
“Um, ahh…” stammered Folly.
“It’s a, um, a rabid crazy wild Pokemon! Stand back - it’s vicious and needs to be taken to the Pokemon centre now!” claimed Trudly hurriedly.
“Get me out of here!” shouted the thing inside the bag. Wes and the others looked at Trudly and glared.
“Um… it’s so crazy it can… talk?” offered Trudly weakly.
Folly winced. “Yeah, well, you never stop us. We’ve got Pokemon ready for battle!”
“Well actually you only have Pokemon, I left mine with…” began Trudly.
“Now then, are you all right?” asked the woman.
“Yes… I think so.” said the girl.
“Good. After being tied up in a sack, you're lucky you didn’t suffer any mild…”
Suddenly the girl smiled and shouted “MY NAME’S ROMARIO AND I LIKE CHOCOLATE PIE!”
“…It seems I spoke too soon…” muttered the lady.
“ZROOM ZROOM!” shouted the confused person, who was aboard Wes’s Zoomer. She then attempted to drive the Zoomer, but looked confused by the various handles and the absence of a steering wheel.
“Don’t touch that!” cried Wes.
Fortunately the girl abruptly fell out of the Zoomer in comical fashion. She lay on the ground and started spinning around and around, smiling idiotically.
Wes considered this. “I have an idea. Espeon! Use a gentle Confusion on her to get her memory back! Be careful though…”
Espeon stared into the girl’s eyes. After a moment, the girl seemed to calm down.
“Wha… what happened to me?” she asked.
“Oh, good, you’re all right now” soothed the lady. “You were being kidnapped by two men, but this young man saved you. You were a bit, well, out of it a moment ago though…”
“Why, what did I do?”
“Umm… never mind” said the women hurriedly.
“Hello. My name’s Justy. Interested in taking part in a Pokemon battle challenge? It’s 4 trainers in a row, 2-2 battles.”
“I WOULD LIKE TO BATTLE!” shouted Rui happily. “But… I have no Pokemon.” She added, suddenly downcast. Her mood swings unsettled Wes.
“Now then - we’ve been at this for the last week, and we need to get some progress. Jimmy! Here’s an addition question. If I had 2 Pokemon, and then got 2 more Pokemon, how many would I have?”
Jimmy looked surprised at being asked a question.
“Umm… you would have some Pokemon.”
“Yes… and no. Look - one, two, three, four. So how many are there?”
The teacher drew some circles on the board to resemble Pokemon.
“Let me think..." answered Jimmy. "There are three…and that one.”
“Three and that one.” repeated the teacher with a sigh. “So if I add THAT one to the other three, what will I have?”
“OH! Um… Some circles.”
After Botan proclaimed his love for all things green and grass types, he sent out a Sunken and a Hoppip. Only, when his Pokemon caught sight of Espeon and Umbreon, Hoppip jumped back into Botan’s Poke ball out of fright. Sunken could not dive into its own Poke ball, being a small, weak seed Pokemon. It resorted to waving its leaves as viciously as it could at Espeon. Shortly before Wes even ordered an attack, the Sunken fainted out of pure fear.
Oddly enough, Lady Gwin after the battle huffed at Wes distastefully.
“My battle style must have been too sophisticated for you”. She struck her nose to the air, and walked off.
Odd comment to make after losing thought Wes. Meanwhile Rui ever so causally stuck out her foot, resulting in Lady Gwin having a squashed nose.
“As an award, you win… this WHITE HERB!” Justy handed a small white herb to Wes.
“Ah… thanks…” said Wes, before he stuffed it to the depths of his bag, probably never to be seen again.
“You must be travellers! Welcome!” greeted the man. He waddled up to Wes and Rui. “ I am Es Cade, the mayor of this town. Is anything the problem?
Suddenly Rui stepped up.
“I saw… IT!” she answered.
The mayor looked blankly at Rui.
“Oh… sorry. Well, I saw a peculiar Pokemon, no, that’s not quite right.”
Rui was stumbling for words.
“Well, what was peculiar about it?” asked the mayor.
“Well," began Rui hastily, "I was walking around Pyrite Town when I saw two people having a Pokemon battle, and one of them had this Pokemon and it was giving out a black aura, and it was very odd, and then the man told it to use a odd move that sounded something like shadow rush, and I didn't think that was a real move, and then the Pokemon attacked the other Pokemon, and it looked very evil and I said “why does it have a black aura”, but nobody could see the black aura, and the Pokemon attacked someone, and they ran away screaming, oh and I like cake, and it looked like a fighting machine, not a Pokemon and then the man asked me what I saw and I ran away but then I was kidnapped by the man and this other man, and they put me in a bag took me here, and then I was rescued by Wes who had very strong Pokemon, and I’m really scared, and yeah.”
The mayor blinked at Rui. “I think you need to explain that again, slowly, and more clearly… much more clearly…”
“Well, then. So basically, you saw a scary Pokemon with a black aura? And it attacked people, and some shady characters kidnapped you because you could see it. If that is true, it would be scary. But I do admit I find it hard to believe at face value…"
“But it’s true! MISTER MAYOR! It’s the truth!!” protested Rui rather loudly.
“No, no, I didn’t say I DON’T believe you.” said the mayor hastily. “I’m just saying that it is quite the story… anyway. I will investigate this…”
“Pttf. Why would we waste our time kidnapping some nobody? No, our beef is with Wes.”
“Umbre…” (Mmm… beef).
“Enough talk! We’ll take it by force!” shouted the first Team Snagem member. He sent out a Corphish and a Koffing.
Wes smirked. “Espeon! Use confusion on Koffing!”
“Espi!” (This is going to be fun!)
As Espeon applied his psychic powers on the Koffing, it began shivering violently.
“Koffing!” (What’s he doing to me?!?)
All at once, the Koffing started expanding.
“What the…” wondered the Snagem member. Just then, the Koffing exploded. Corphish fainted from the shock, and the Team Snagem members were sent flying several metres down a stairway.
“What do you know, Wes. You’re from Team Snagem.” said Rui. “That’s ok.”
“It is?” replied Wes.
“NO! WHY DIDN”T YOU TELL ME?” shouted Rui.
“Esp…” (Oh dear)
“HOW COULD YOU HAVE BEEN A SNAGGER?!? DIDN’T YOU STOP TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO THOSE POKEMON?”
“That’s why I quit! Well, partly, anyway. Besides I can’t be all that bad - I did rescue you…” countered Wes.
“Well… I’ll give you that,” admitted Rui, who began pacing back and forth, “But still… for all I know, you could be stealing Pokemon for yourself!”
“Come on, Rui. Give me a chance. I’ve changed my ways, and all I want is a fresh sta... WATCH OUT RUI!”
However it was too late - Rui, while interrogating Wes, didn’t notice that she walked close to the flight of stairs nearby.
Wes, Espeon and Umbreon observed Rui bounce down stair after stair until she came to a stop at the bottom.
Wes ran down to her. Rui groaned and looked to Wes.
Wes breathed a sigh of relief.
“By the way? It’s ok, Wes.”
“It doesn’t matter to me who you are. After all, you’re my gallant price who rescued me…”
“Ok…” She probably changed her mind after taking a bump down the stairs thought Wes. “Let’s go rest at the Pokemon Centre.”
As Wes and Rui walked off, Umbreon gave Espeon a glance.
“Umbreon?” (You didn’t have anything to do with Rui’s sudden acceptance about Wes’s past, did you?)
“All your Pokemon are healed to perfect health. And your friend, besides a few bruises, is going to be all right.”
“Thanks, Nurse Joy.” acknowledged Wes. He was a bit bewildered about being in a Pokemon Centre again. He hadn’t entered one for years, and he couldn’t help but wonder why everything was so strange.
What with each ‘Nurse Joy’ looking exactly like the other, and one popping up every minute to spoil Espeon and Umbreon non-stop. Not that they minded much…
And then there were the people who seemed to live inside the centre. There was an old man that earnestly kept telling Wes that he could use the PC for storing his Pokemon.
And then there was a girl who asked every person whether they were Pokemon trainers or not. She even asked a bemused Justy, who had entered the Pokemon Centre to pick up some Pokemon. It was obvious, though Wes, that the best trainer in town, picking up Pokemon, WAS a Pokemon trainer.
There was also a kid, who seemed obsessed with the 3-D map of Phenac City.
And those people who did kidnap you… well, they didn’t look like Team Snagem. For one, they weren’t wear the generic ‘I’m-from-Team-Snagem!’ uniform.”
“No Pokéballs?” repeated an anguished Rui.
“Sorry, but we haven’t had any in the last few years - there’s been no need for them.” answered a young shop assistant.
“Well, where can we get some?”
“Umm, try Silph Co. It’s only in Kanto.” offered the inexperienced and dumb assistant. At this, the assistant received a slap to the face, as Rui marched out.
“Well, what can I do for you today?”
“Well, sir… we heard you may have some Pokéballs…”
“Pokéballs? There’s been no call for these things around these parts for ages… where’d I put them?” he mumbled as he walked off to look in the storage. He immediately came back with a whole box full of them.
“Here they are! They are a bit dusty, but they should work fine.” Kirk blew the dust off into Wes and Rui faces, causing a mass coughing fit.
“Umm...sorry. I’ll give you some for free for that. How about 5?” offered an apologetic Kirk.
Something interesting was happening - she could tell. She had the same feeling she had now before. The last time that happened, it turned out Jed’s overcooked apple pie HAD been the source of the burning smell that had caused a mass evacuation of Phenac city.
Suddenly, the lady saw a strange shadow upon the ground; bringing her back to the present. It looked like a large circular object… with a head attached to it.
Shakily, she turned around, to face… IT.
The ‘IT’ in question gave a dazzling smile.
“Hello madam! Is this the mayor’s house?” ‘IT’ asked.
Unfortunately, it received no answer - the old lady had fainted in shock.
But the strangest oddity was in the centre of the room. A tall man was dancing to very loud salsa music. The man was in bright yellow, had odd glasses, and looked like a relic from the 60’s.
The man’s height was increased due to the large orb-like thing on his head. Wes first took it to be a Voltorb - but quickly realised that it was actually an afro. One side was dyed red, the other half white - rather like a Pokeball.
“Espeon!” (All right, who the HELL is this!).
“Correct. And, well, I don’t like saying this, but we’re not at liberty to keep you lady friend at liberty.”
Rui frowned at both the meaning implied behind the sentence, and the poor wording of the sentence.
“Boys! Oh Boys! I shall return to Pyrite town. Remember, I will wait for you with the little lady, and Wes as well. Am I making myself clear? I won’t accept failure from you two…”
Folly and Trudly gulped. Maybe it was strange that a man with a giant Pokeball-themed afro and a snazzy bright yellow outfit with matching shoes was threatening them, but it worked to perfection.
Suddenly Miror B’s attitude changes - from threatening, to friendly and happy.
“Good!” He then struck a dance pose that made all in the room cringe. “Let the music play! Let’s get it on!”
At this, Trudly went back to the previous salsa song. With that, Miror B ducked down and danced out, so that his afro could fit through the door. The three coloured men glared at Wes, before following Miror B outside as well. Slowly the music faded away.
As the old woman outside regained consciousness, she caught sight of Miror B walking out of the mayor's house. Once again she fainted from sheer shock.
Wes gave a questioning look to Folly and Trudly.
“What…who was that, exactly?”
Folly smirked. “Why, none other than Miror B, an Administrator of none other than the Team Cipher!”
Wes grinned. Then Folly realised that he just revealed classified information.
“Damn it! You, you, you! You caught me off guard…”
“…again…” added a frustrated Trudly.
“… but that won’t happen again! Go! Whismur and Lotad!
“Umbreon! Attack Lotad with Bite!” commanded Wes.
“Lotad!” (Arrgh! Hey, what gives?)
“Umbre!” (Hey, it’s like a Frisbee!) Umbreon proceed to toss the Lotad through the air to Espeon. Espeon used his physic powers to make the Lotad spin in circles through the air. Suddenly, the Lotad hit the Whismur directly in the face, knocking both out.
“Okay, Spinark! Attack with Spider Web!”
“Spinark!” (Web power for the win!) exclaimed Spinark, before it firing a large clump of web at Espeon.
“Watch out!” cried Rui. Wes brought himself back to the present - to see Makuhita attack him with Arm Thrust. All Wes could do was tense himself and cover himself to lessen the impact. Nevertheless, he was still sent flying towards a wall. Wes remembered that Shadow Pokemon didn’t mind attacking trainers.
Fortunately, his crash was softened considerably - unfortunately for Rui.
“Umm, thanks Rui…”
“Gfttham frmhth nefhte!”
“What was that?”
“I said get off me!”
Wes jumped off (the slightly squashed) Rui.
“Makuhita! Use Arm Thrust!”
Makuhita primed its other arm to attack Umbreon.
At this, Makuhita stoped focusing on hitting Umbreon, and clutched its head. Then it started bashing its own head in.
“Hita! Hita! Hita!” (Die! Die! Die!)
“Espeon…” (He must have anger management problems or something…)
“Damn! It’s confused… stop that! You stupid Pokemon!” shouted Trudly. At that, Makuhita glared at Trudly, and punched him.
To be continued…
“Umm… well, there was this thing inside with a Voltorb - I mean hair, and some random people in colours, and then the two men that kidnapped me were there as well and a Shadow Pokemon….” began Rui.
Makuhita glanced at his surroundings, and realised that he no longer belonged to Trudly. Not that he cared - Trudly had been too dumb to know his left hand from his right. Stupid Trudly.
Makuhita collided headfirst with a bookshelf, distracting the Shadow Pokemon.
“Maku!” (Stupid books! You must suffer!) It then proceeded to tear the pages.
“And I can’t find any information on them anywhere… very secretive. However, there is some on Miror B… - and his name is spelt M-I-R-O-R… odd. Maybe his parents couldn’t spell or something…”
Wes had found an article dated a few years ago featuring a large picture of the man with an enthusiastic Ludicolo. Accompanying the article was the headline “Weirdo Wins Dance Competition”.
“You can use that P.C., you know…” he began.
“Oh not again,” moaned Wes. “Didn’t you see me just use it five minutes ago?”
“Did you know that you can save the game by using the P.C. as well?”
“Save… the…game?” repeated Wes blankly.
“Why yes! Better save often, otherwise you could lose your game data!” answered the veteran.
Right, he’s crazy decided Wes.
“Save the game.” prompted the man.
“Um… I have to go now…” said Wes, desperately searching for an escape route.
“Save the game NOW!” demanded the man, with a sudden menacing voice. His grip on Wes’s arm tightened.
“Umm, look! A distraction!” said Wes, pointing in a random direction.
“Where?” asked the man, turning to stare at… a wall. Meanwhile, Wes made a dash for the exit successfully, knocking over the “Are you a Trainer?” girl on his way out.
“Damn.” muttered the man to himself. “This always happens. I start to trail off, and then I get onto a totally unrelated subject, like when will I get a pay rise, or when will it rain. It’s an interesting dilemma for Orre as the annual rainfall for the last ten years has not risen past… well nothing, but nevertheless if the drought doesn’t end soon… damn, I’ve done it again…” he muttered to himself, realising that yet again he distracted himself.
“Hey! Stop there, and prepare to be… stopped!”
“Grimer!” (Everyone hates me, so I hate you!) it shouted at Wes and Rui.
“Ugh!” said Rui to the Grimer in surprise. She never had encountered the Poison type before, and wasn’t very charmed by the encounter.
“Grim…” (See what I mean?) it stated sadly, placing an arm on a small nearby plant that had denied the harsh desert conditions. The plant instantly withered and died.
“Grim!” (OH NO! Sorry plant sorry!) it cried.
“Spoink!” (Bouncing is fun!)
“Croconaw!” (You shall die!)
“Umbreon!” (Bacon!) it cried upon seeing the pig-like Pokemon. Before Wes could issue a command, it had already launched a Bite attack.
“Oh no! You snagged by Croconaw - my Pokemon which had been a team-mate ever since I got it. Which wasn’t very long but anyway… damn you!” shouted Bluno.
“Get ‘em, Grimer!” he commanded.
However Grimer was too distressed over the dead plant to attack. Wes nodded and got to leave.
“When’s dinner?” asked Rui.
“Later.” answered the bus driver.
“What’s your name?” persisted Rui.
“Umm…” began the bus driver, trying to remember.
“You’re boring.” announced Rui, and with a grin, hopped off the bus.
Rui broke into a run - maybe if she could reach the bus, she’d be safe -
It was then that she ran headfirst into a lamppost.
“Boss? We seem to have caught a girl who recognized our Shadow … whoops, wrong number, damn.” he said, hurriedly hanging up on a confused pizza delivery service man.
The town could only boast of having the worst waste management system, one PokeMart that smelled like cheese, a shabby Colosseum and a few low-profile houses.
It seems inevitable, or at least very likely, that a fic containing Miror B. will attract my attention sooner or later. I love the way Miror B. is portrayed, being referred to as "IT" the first time he appears and making old ladies faint with his terrifying hair. XD
Another character whose depiction I'm enjoying is Rui. Hers has been a very funny presence from the moment she was let out of that bag onward. XD
Oh, and I liked how the background music is actually provided by people in the various locations from the game. I'm also liking the explanations for other things, such as why Rui seeemd to accept Wes's former involvement with Snagem so readily. XP
This is some fun stuff. Do put me on the PM list.
Well... thanks for that. I'd like to thank my parents, God... Pity I can't put it anywhere besides the computer...crummy as heck but...
i award you with this trophy TC!!
But I want to get better at writing! I can't be writing at my best ability now!This is by far the best fanfic I have ever read! Just the fact that it is based on the stroyline of Colosseum, makes this fanfic a hit in my books, but because of the way you have written it (i.e. Espeon and Umbreon's comments) , I believe it can't get any better. Keep up the good work!
Oh and can you PM me when you have finished the next chapter?
I so forgot to post here, I've been reading this since chappy two, and wanted to post about the location of getting pokemon music and stuff...
*scratches head trying to remember what was going to say*
Ya, this was a real fun fiction to read, I also loved the pokemon's comments.
sorry if I am not giving constructive critisizm, but I'll log in later and work on it better, untill I do *pulls out a stamp and smashes it on the moniter*
I have this bookmarked, cya ^_^
Welcome Psyblade - I look forward to that constructive critisizm.
Don't forget - if you want an event in the game 'explained', just ask away.
Oh, and I may be getting a new banner soon, which'll (hopefully) look better than this crappy one I've did in Paint...
I loved how you'd describe Miror B. so oddly. The descriptions of him before were also humorous, and I admittedly enjoyed it.“Umm… well, there was this thing inside with a Voltorb - I mean hair, and some random people in colours, and then the two men that kidnapped me were there as well and a Shadow Pokemon….” began Rui.
I'm not sre if I'm correct or not, but shouldn't the bolded be "short and fat" or "short, fat"? Also, how you hinted at the Mayor being... What's his name again? It's been so long since I've played Colosseum. I feel ashamed.Makuhita charged at him. However, the short fat mayor nimbly dodged Makuhita’s attack, with unusual grace for one of his size and shape.
xDDDSuch insanity...“Maku!” (Stupid books! You must suffer!) It then proceeded to tear the pages. Wes shakily grabbed the Pokeball off Rui, and directed it at Makuhita.
Hmm, my games call it a Pokemon Center. Centre, I think, means center in French.After a delayed lunch, Wes and Rui headed to the Pokemon centre.
I've always thought of his name odd that way, as well. Maybe make a part where Miror B gets his name explained, thoroughly, and not just a little assumption?“And I can’t find any information on them anywhere… very secretive. However, there is some on Miror B… - and his name is spelt M-I-R-O-R… odd. Maybe his parents couldn’t spell or something…”
You are missing the last quotation...“Maybe they knew that if news about Shadow Pokemon got leaked, then Team Snagem would come after them. So they got desperate, and went for desperate measures. And between you and me, Folly and Trudly ain’t that bright…
x3 Me likes the fic a lot. The humour is sorta random but nonetheless funny.“Did you know that you can save the game by using the P.C. as well?”
Poor Bluno. xD“Damn.” muttered the man to himself. “This always happens. I start to trail off, and then I get onto a totally unrelated subject, like when will I get a pay rise, or when will it rain. It’s an interesting dilemma for Orre as the annual rainfall for the last ten years has not risen past… well nothing, but nevertheless if the drought doesn’t end soon… damn, I’ve done it again…” he muttered to himself, realising that yet again he distracted himself. He quickly ran up to Wes and Rui, who were already by the Zoomer.
Even Espeon and Umbreon are amusing. D:“Espi-Espeon…” (Is it just me, or is it odd that a Grimer cares for the environment?)
I think it's better if you use words intead of just numbers for fiction descriptions, but that's just my opinion.10 metres.
“I can’t watch…” muttered Rui.
2 ½ metres.
“Espeon?” (What the…?”) - however Croconaw’s random and inexplicit gravity-defying act lasted only a moment as he fell back down even faster.
I do not remember what she says either, but I shall investigate. I think however that she will say the same thing over and over again no matter whatever you do (e.g. purify all shadows, thus 'beating' the game), just like the other NPC's. It's a big problem Colosseum and XD suffer...in then the end the psychic person always says this one message that I never quite understood...
I don't exactly remember it, and my friend is borrowing my Collosseum game... but I'd like that prediction explained.
after you beat the game, even when I got Ho-Oh, she said the same message over, and over. it confused me.
Well, I do have a question (it would perhaps be explained easily, but heck.)
In Ein's lab, why were there DNA's of pokemon that were not shadow-fied?
how the heck did they get Enti's DNA? Why does Miror B love to have a pokeball afro? (lol)
How to shadow pokemon feel about attacking people?
What does Celebi gain from purifying shadow pokemon?
why does the stone emit green light when a pokemon near purifying comes near?
Edit, Well, I dont think that the banner sucks at all, infact, it was the thing that drawn me into the fic...it is pretty good actually, banners are not about colors and ribbons, it is about the meaning of the story.
As promised, I'd read and review your ficcy But just the last chapter, since I see the others have been reviewed lots, already.
I loved how you'd describe Miror B. so oddly. The descriptions of him before were also humorous, and I admittedly enjoyed it.
I'm not sre if I'm correct or not, but shouldn't the bolded be "short and fat" or "short, fat"? Also, how you hinted at the Mayor being... What's his name again? It's been so long since I've played Colosseum. I feel ashamed.
Hmm, my games call it a Pokemon Center. Centre, I think, means center in French.
I've always thought of his name odd that way, as well. Maybe make a part where Miror B gets his name explained, thoroughly, and not just a little assumption?
You are missing the last quotation...
x3 Me likes the fic a lot. The humour is sorta random but nonetheless funny.
Poor Bluno. xD
Even Espeon and Umbreon are amusing. D:
I think it's better if you use words intead of just numbers for fiction descriptions, but that's just my opinion.
And that's all. Slap my little name onto your PM list, please. x3
Oh no, I remember her, now...“GADZOOKS! Who dare enters this place?” demanded an elderly lady.
Evil you, making me hungry before breakfast. DD:He shrugged off that fact and sat down and devoured the offered meal of eggs and bacon, followed by a few croissants. The food was sufficient enough for both the hungry teens.
... o_o“Yes. It was found near in a deceased Spoink - works better that way.” stated the woman mildly.
I love this part the most. Creative. I showed it to a friend on MSN. We lol'd.Echo.
Then a new sound emerged from below.
“Guess he was right.” said Wes to himself, surprised by the outcome. “Let’s go into the Colosseum for now…”
How do you even pronounce that? Smaa-Zoo-llz?“’Course, the entry cost is five hundred smazzules…”
Gave me the idea of a mischievious flirt. o_o;“Misdreavus.” (You have no chance of winning…) giggled the Misdreavus softly in a bone-chilling way.
“Umbre-Umbre!” (Why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends…?)
PYRITE’S MOTHER’S FORTUNE TELLING
Have your future told - if you dare…
Special deal - free meal* with first reading
* - meal may be of questionable quality and variable quantity
“Night is day, and gravity pulls things up.” continued the prophetic woman.
“WHAT?” retorted a confused and annoyed Wes.
Satisfied, she promptly pulled a crystal ball out of nowhere and set it on the table.
“Is that a giant Pearl?” asked Rui, amazed at the size of the colossal shiny object.
“Yes. It was found near in a deceased Spoink - works better that way.” stated the woman mildly.
They were suddenly interrupted by some off-key singing emitted from the windmill. Wary of the slow-moving blades of the windmill, they entered.
“30 long years I’ve spun these gears! 30 more years I’ll spin some more!” sung an aged grey-haired worker. His clothes were dirty and in tatters. Behind him a large arrangement of gears were spinning in an almost hypnotic fashion.
“Umbre…Umbre…Umbre…” (Round and round and round…) muttered the dark-type Pokemon, moving his head in circles trying to keep up with the speed of the gears.
Espeon sighed and gave Umbreon a push onto the gears. With a squeak of surprise, Umbreon found himself seated upon the gears moving at an incredible speed.
“Umbre!” (Arrgh! Getmeoffgetmeoffgetmeoff!) cried the Pokemon. Espeon merely laughed to itself and watched in amusement.
Just then, the ‘Chief’ increased the speed of the gears. With a cry, Umbreon went flying off the gears, through the door, narrowly missed one of the blades of the windmill, and mercifully had his landing softened by an unknowing Espeon.
“Espi!” (Arrgh! Get off of me!) cried the startled Pokemon, as Umbreon staggered to his feet.
“Umbre-Umbreon!” (Well it’s your fault… ah, look at all the colours! Wee!) replied the dizzy Pokemon, stumbling into Espeon again.
After a moment of staring at the invisible crack in the ground, he raised his hands to his mouth and hollered “Echo!”. The sound bounced off the rocky walls, giving a ghostly feel as the word came back to them.
Then a new sound emerged from below.
Just then, the bystander approached them.
“Ya know that big guy there? Yah, he’s Duking.” he slurred.
“Are you drunk?” asked Rui, as the smell of alcohol reached her.
“That’s a silly question. I never drinks da stuffs.” denied the man. He staggered and crashed into a wall. “Okay, maybes a littles bits…” he confessed.
“Do you live in a house? I live in a house.”
“Oh yess, they gave pokemans to winners recently. They are said to be straighter and butter... Cail won it last. Stupid Cail and his win-win Mc victories..”
Johnson was glad with himself. He had successfully kept Pyrite in order single-handily for another day. Not to mention that he had told off that small kid who hand dropped a small apple core. Oh, that did sure did get a good lecture on money and littering…
The police officer walked up to a small statue lying in disarray by the sides of the main pathway. He looked around carefully before speaking to it.
“So, do you know what happened yesterday in the PokeMart at 5:00pm?” he demanded.
The statue unsurprisingly was silent.
“Oh yeah? Nothing to say?” persisted the officer. A person walking past glanced at him, rolled his eyes, and walked off.
The statue remained silent.
“Well, I’ll let you off. I’m watching you though!” said Johnson, brushing his hands. Yep, I sure am the best policeman around here he thought to himself.
He began to walk off to harass another piece of rubbish, when he noticed a pebble shaking on the ground.
“What’s wrong with you?” asked Johnson.
Then he heard a noise from behind him - quiet at first, before it grew louder. He turned to see two people being chased by a mob. Unintelligible words were shouted in his direction - something about ‘stealing’, ‘Snagem’, and ‘kill him’.
Johnson put on a brave face and stood up straight. He raised a hand towards them.
“Stop!” he shouted.
Unfortunately for him, it didn’t work. The mob collided with him, and the world went topsy-turvey.
Thanks for reviewing. Glad you liked the chapter, and particular the 'echo' joke. I'm astonished that you are awake at that time - I'm a late sleeper.Here I am, again. And you're welcome.
Oh no, I remember her, now...
Evil you, making me hungry before breakfast. DD:
I love this part the most. Creative. I showed it to a friend on MSN. We lol'd.
How do you even pronounce that? Smaa-Zoo-llz?
Gave me the idea of a mischievious flirt. o_o;
Sorry for lacking CC. It's 4 AM and I just woke up, so there's no surprise to me not being able to detect anything.
But the "echo echo echo shut up shut up shut up" thing was priceless. x3
Guess that echo joke was a decent one. Interesting that I managed to do a decent battle too that was a bit more... 'epic' than the other ones...yes that part was priceless.
the battle wasn't too bad either, poor Espeon. I would've taken the Misdreavus's head and cut it in half. with a bite attack, Espeon is my fave character.
uhh... considering I had to stop reading this halfway, and then finished the rest later, I can say, it was awesome, but I can't give the best crit, as the first half was read hours ago, right before I was forcedly delved into the story of Warcraft III...
That drunk guy was frelling HILARIOUS. XD
Also great in that chapter was Johnson. Yep, good ol' Johnson. Don't DARE drop an apple core near him or you'll get the scolding of your life. XP Then there was the windmill-guy with his awesomely bad singing of his song about gears... XD
And also, I am really liking Umbreon. He's got that sort of cute ditziness that makes him amusing and easy to like. ^^
And oh yeah, I've got to mention the crystal ball made out of a dead Spoink's pearl. I thought that was really creative. ^^
So yeah, lots of good stuff in that chapter.
You were alot better on the humour and the characters this time around, however your dialogue often TRAILS for so long, I lost interest during the opening speeches (However I noted you used this as a sneaky way of explaining how to "fix" a shadow pokemon), the humour flies fast during a lot of it, but then just stops, leaving you with a gap that feels awkward and odd, just to pick up again. I little more balancing with the dialogue and humour would do wonders for getting everything in place and making the fic a perfect read.
I enjoy the fact you actually bothered to say the roles of the characters from the game, it helps for lazy people like me who never bother to go back and re-play games like this from the start.
I also have to compliment you on the fact that Espeon and Umbreon have differentiated in their actions and dialogue, Umbreon is a little bit more expressive and Espeon seems a little sarcastic (Almost nasty) at times. The "master" thing still puts me off a whole load, kinda creepy, like they're slaves or something. I always pictured good friends to call each other by NAMES rather than consider one of the group superior.