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The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum

Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by bobandbill, Jun 13, 2007.

  1. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Whee, three reviews, and SerebiiForums had died for near half a day as well... Thanks all!

    DarkPersian479:
    Good grief, did I miss all those mistakes? I wasn't this bad before... although some seemed to have been caused in the transferring process from the document to here (for instance warm =/= arm)... how odd. Might have accidently pressed a letter or something...
    Most of the mistakes seem to be in the battle area - I shall have to address that next time. Probably because the battles were the last thing that I had written before submitting. I shall (try) to improve and have a better (less) amount of mistakes next time!

    And that's why I got Wes to distract Rui, thus me not having to address that issue ;) It's an odd thing after all... *I'm shadow don't nickname me!*
    Note that Wes and Rui haven't tried nicknaming, and thus don't know that it shouldn't work... yes that should cover it ;)

    Ah, yes, that's what happens when you can't read your own writing and end up looking at a source that has it wrong... further checking on the issue has many saying Hoks, so it has been changed.
    Either way, Hoks and Koks are weird... silly Colosseum names.

    Give Reath some slack - she works with Miror B... probably would grate on you a bit... then again, it's Miror B.
    Good point, however:
    Miror B could probably teach Suicune, Raikou and Entei to do a synchronized dance anyhow...

    Indeed.
    How true. Execpt that when you're Tom, you go out in an amusing manner.
    Glad you liked it. Hurrah for Miror B music! You may need to play it in a few chapter/s time. :)
    Remind me to catch up on your fic and make SerebiiForums not lag so - I've been desperately trying to catch up for quite a while now... (month or something?)

    Psyblade:
    I agree :) Maybe being on the PM list will save anything like you missing my sig from happening? ;)
    Yeah, I used a few of those in the story (another one being Reath saying that she hate people who are late, then Miror B asks her why she is late again).
    Consider it me trying different types of humour, as well as me trying to cover all types of humour so all people like it. And that dream equence was simply a product of me trying to come up with something to start the chapter off - having Wes being sad about lack of father with it being funny at the same time... and dreams can be weird. :)

    I don't even know if there was a game guide for the game... I guess there probably was. Oh well, poetic lisence.

    Actually, both. One time I *think* he reduces the price down to $1, and he might offer some other crazy deals as well.
    I though that up shortly after coming up with the whole mind-wiping idea. Miror B's afro has many possibilities.
    Running gag, you say? *shifty eyes*. I'll just say that I had been considering some... other things with that...
    Thanks - I'm glad you liked the battles. I spent some time thinking of them.
    *more shifty eyes*

    Sike Saner:
    I knew you'd like the return of Tom. He literally came from nothing, when I had gotten up to him, I thought 'now, why would this guy tell you important information that he doesn't want to give?'. And thus drunk guy was born.
    I thought that Spinda were the only Pokemon right for him - for those who hadn't play the game, Spinda's battle animation is them walking around, as if they were drunk. Very amusing. :)
    I'm glad that you liked Miror B's scene (and him singing to the tune fits too!). And I thought it was time to see his thoughts on the whole matter.
    The first line is from Black Books, the rest was my twist on it :)
    I believe I had also mentioned it when Wes and Rui first got to Pyrite.
    Yes, indeed - what else is within the realms of Miror B's hair?
    A feature of Colosseum which was very odd - just because you live in a desert dowsn't mean you name your children so weirdly...
    Personally I like the line 'I forgot my forgot something' - for personal reasons.
    Wonner is too good to pass up on.
    Hence why I brought him back - I like writing him, and people seem to like him Maybe I should just kick out Wes and make this into 'The Adventures of Tommy-tom-tom boy... Tom!" ;)
    Can't have a battle with Delibird without Present. Seriously, what is up with a penguin giving exploding presents?

    Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and I look forward to more *hint hint* ;)
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2008
  2. The Great Butler

    The Great Butler Hush, keep it down

    I must say, the "Strategy Guide of Pokémon Colosseum" joke is probably the funniest thing I've ever read on here.
     
  3. Gardevoir Girl

    Gardevoir Girl is NOT a girl

    Yes, good chapter, even though I had to read it twice because my computer overheated and only half the text appeared. The site does some strange things...

    I liked the chapter, as I said, but I think I'll ruin the mood and point out to you that Delibird's 'sack' is actually its tail. Unless its tail was torn off...

    Maybe I'm just obsessed with things being torn off. (Keep back, all the guys out there!) I keep tormenting my mother with mimes... I pretend to grab something and pull it apart. For those who have read my fic Reawakened you'll know what that's about:

    Riu the Riolu, of course. I made my mother read that and she nearly hurled. Now I enjoy tormenting her with the thought of a baby being torn in half.

    As I said, I liked this. Oh, I already said that. Well, I am typing this at midnight... I guess I'm a little tired.
     
  4. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Thanks - that idea for a book title came late-ish for me BTW - just as well it came.

    Was my chapter too funny for your computer? ;)
    Hope it's better - not the first time on of my reader's computers have stuffed up...

    Regarding Delibird... let's say that it's disattachable. ;) I will go back and edit that - let's say that the Delibird had an extra sack of presents...
    Problem with Colosseum is that from the front, it doesn't look like part of him, so hence the confusion. Silly Colosseum - I swear it looked like a sack, and never check the Pokedex entries for it as I never got one (yet) in Diamond.

    Anyway, glad you liked it.
     
  5. Praxiteles

    Praxiteles Friendly POKéMON.

    You like your epic battles, don't you? Oh, and befuddled idiots. Them too.

    Some quotes, because that's the trend:

    Oh, god. I thought I misunderstood people's meanings, but Wes...

    I like, by the way, how the battles are actually light and not weighed down by overused anticipation and excitement for a change. Considering the AI of the game, it's almost a given that very few players will ever lose as long as they even know how the game works, and so it's nice to see how you still manage to bypass this rather boring factor.

    Oh, and I do wonder what the dark itemfinder wave in Miror B's funky afro will do. In the earler chapter I was wondering what that itemfinder would do in general, but now that it's passed into this state of rest without meaning much to the immediate plot, perhaps this side-plot could go far.

    As a beside:

    The 'legendary gerbils'?
    That's the strangest analogy I've heard yet. Can I quote that or something?
     
  6. Jonah

    Jonah herd u liek mudkips?

    Another great chapter!

    I've heard "legendary gerbils" used once, on the forums of the now-vanished Pokemon Crater.

    And that itemfinder in The Afro - because the admins, unlike regular people, do take offense at having their Pokemon taken. And defense. So, the admins obviously still remember what's going on or else they wouldn't do things like try to run away on a train or escape in an elevator or inform Nascour that they've been beaten.

    Tom? TOM!

    xD

    AHAHAWIN

    And the Official Guide to Pokemon Colosseum thing is great.
     
  7. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Yep, I sure do. :) Glad I pulled off the battles - wasn't sure how to go about them at first. BTW what's with the name changing?
    Silly Colosseum AI. Thanks for those comments on the battles - I like knowing if I've done something right (or wrong... although less so. ;) )

    *Grabs Jonah's quote*
    Yeah, something like that, although I have plans on how this *will* affect it all...

    Thanks the review as well Jonah! I think I've quoted enough people's quotes for now...
     
  8. Something that should be addressecd is how the badguys get defeated by simply beating them in a pokemon batttle
     
  9. Divinity_123

    Divinity_123 shove 'er in! ;O

    I AM SOOOOO EFFIN ****** OFF!

    Two daiis ago, I spent two hours writing this ginormous review (mind you, it consisted mostly of quotes P= ) but like I put soooo much effort and the notorious lag killed it.

    Anyway:

    JOHNSON + COMPREHENSION = OH EFFIN NOEZ!

    The battle with Tom is like bomb:

    DRUNKEN TOMMMEH TOM TOMZ IS FCKN AWESOME >D

    NO DONT HURT HIM!


    Good ole drunken Spinda for good ole drunken Tomz.

    XDDD

    omfg *dies of laughter*

    Anyway, we see a little more insight into the plot, even though I already know what happens, but its great that you added some more emotion with Duking and his kids. Keep on filling in those plot-holes :D OMG, I just so have to reacknwedge this; the whole scne wtih Tom was sooooo good! There were other great parts, but like, omfg Tom is like the greatest fic character ever. TOM FOR PREZ!

    Hopefully, fckn SPPf won't lag when I type my next review (which will be extremely long, I swear).

    KEEP IT UP WITH TOM, YOU COMEDIC GENIUS!

    Divinity_123 ;196;
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2008
  10. Heart of Ice

    Heart of Ice tHe PsYcHo

    ROFL until you run out of air! This fic is fan-freakin'~awesome! Bobandbill, you rock!
     
  11. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    A response to the reviews, and a small update on my progress...
    What, no comments on the story itself? ;)
    It's always been a major feature of Pokemon games that the Pokemon battles means 'you win!". And if you have creatures that can cause destruction, why not use them to defeat criminals? Only they have Pokemon themselves to protect themselves - I've always personally viewed Pokemon battles agingst the 'bad guys' as that if you knock out their Pokemon, your Pokemon can be used to threaten the bad guy. I'm already somewhat addressing that here however, what with the mind-wipes that Espeon can perform. Wes may have to resort to a battle however in the next chapter...

    I hate that too... so annoying. I've taken to now saving my 'reviews' in a separate document prior to posting in case they don't get through.
    He has to understand something...
    Thanks. Tom gets such a good response... although his battle wasn't really much of a battle to begin with.
    Duking and lack of action/response from kids has always bugged me... as well as all of the other 342 plot holes.
    Tom greatest fic character ever? Not bad from me than... especially when he was more of a 'spur of the moment' creation of mine. However, Tom for prez may not be the wisest choice ever made... better than some previous one mind. ;)
    I also hope SPPF doesn't die - they tend to delay have of my reviews recently... look forward to your next review, with even more quotes. ;)

    Thanks a lot. :) I like the comments people, short or long (preferably long mind ;) ) - keep them up!


    Now for the next chapter - no, I haven't stopped it, or plan to, and HOPEFULLY it will be up soon. Unfortunately a mixture of laziness, distractions, lots and lots of homework, other events, and the such have delayed me. BUT I have made a good amount of progress recently! I also am intent on making the quality of this chapter high, rather than give a half-hearted attempt. Other projects have hindered me as well, both related and unrelated...
    Originally, I was aiming for a long-ish chapter, but again things have ended up longer than expected, and with a lack of time, I will be making that into two shorter chapters, of medium-ish length. I've got the layout for the chapter/s basically done - it's the actual typing that's taking the time, as well as coming up with the comedic parts. As well as the homework which is really eating up my time.
    As for when the next chapter will be released - I'd say at worst two weeks, although there is a faint possibility for tomorrow... in the super-best-case-sernerio. If all goes well, the next chapter may follow shortly afterwards as well. But you will probably have to wait. :( Next chapter will have more battles, a conversation outside of Pyrite that shall be somewhat plot-advancing, and water. :)

    Just so you guys don't wonder. I don't like leaving other people in the dark.
     
  12. sorry, I really like the story it's funny
     
  13. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Chapter Up!

    Thanks for the compliment.

    Anyways, I have the next chapter up finally! Let's get straight into it, shall we?


    ***

    Chapter Nine - The Music-Man’s Fortress


    “Yes, you will get a fine prize indeed,” the man muttered quietly as they crossed the bridge over the gorge. “Miror B, our boss, the town’s true mover and shaker, wishes you to have a gorgeous gift.”

    Aha! So Miror B is in this! Wes thought to himself smugly.

    “Wes, look,” whispered Rui, as the man led them down some dark alleys. Leastways, darker than most streets in Pyrite, Wes mused. After some wondering around a maze of lanes, they came up to a large building with an enormous metal roller door the only visible sign of entrance. Above the door was a sign titled:


    Dance House - Learn to Dance!
    Free teddy bear for every membership purchased!


    “Now I’m positive that we’re on the right track,” Wes muttered as he recalled Miror B’s dance moves when they had encountered him. Miror B must be using this place as his cover.

    “So, we stay here until Johnson or Sherles show up?” Rui asked quietly.

    “Yep, that was the plan… but where the hell are they?” replied Wes, looking around for any sign of them. Meanwhile, the man knocked on the door.

    “Open up!” he called.

    “First say the password,” said a voice from inside. It seemed to be feminine but it wasn’t easy to tell due to the barrier between them. The guide for the two teenagers stared at the door for a moment.

    “What password? There is no password!”

    “There is now. I thought there should be one, so I made it up about five minutes ago.”

    The man sighed. “So how the hell would I know it then?” he growled.

    “…Fair enough,” conceded the voice. “It’s ‘open sesame’,” it added. A long pause followed the statement.

    “Well, are you going to let me in, or what?” he asked, tapping a foot.

    “Are you going to say the password?”

    “Oh, for crying out loud… OPEN SESAME!” shouted the man. At that, the door opened wide for him.

    “Well, why didn’t you say so?” queried the person. It had indeed been a woman, who was dressed in a remarkably similar style as the man.

    Cipher must be a big team to have outfits like that, Wes thought, looking them over quickly. Team Snagem only gave you a crummy red jacket - which I never really wore - and a free haircut.

    “What the hell was with that password nonsense, Sema?” the man demanded, tapping his head to indicate his opinion of the idea.

    “Well, I thought it was a good idea, Nore…” began Sema. “We had an intruder come in not so long ago… some kid with silver hair.”

    “What, really?” His voice dropped noticeably.

    “Yep - he was spouting some stuff about how we were jerks or something and that he wouldn’t allow us to take control of this town. Anyway, Ferma and Reath have him taken care of.”

    Wes and Rui exchanged glances. Silva is here? That may change things… Wes considered.

    “Well, that’s good,” answered Nore. “I’ve got the Colosseum Challenge winner here. Let’s present him with another Shadow Pokémon, and watch chaos be unleashed upon this pitiful town!” With that, the man laughed melodramatically. Wes raised his eyebrows. Clearly these Cipher agents weren’t above announcing their plans in front of bystanders. It seemed that they had forgotten all about him and Rui.

    “Hang on…” began the woman, frowning at Wes. “That’s… that’s that Wes guy that Miror B has been harping on about!” she accused, pointing at Wes.

    “It is?” asked Nore. He regarded Wes and scratched his hair.

    “Um, surely there’s some sort of mistake…” Wes said, raising his hands. Rui anxiously eyed the door.

    “YES! And you were stupid enough to let him in here!” cried Sema, grabbing a piece of paper from a nearby desk with Wes’s picture upon it. The words ‘WANTED BY CIPHER’ were printed underneath the image.

    “Uh-oh,” Wes managed, slowly moving his hands to his belt where his Poké Balls.

    “EVERYONE! GET DOWN HERE! WE HAVE A SITUATION!” Sema screamed. At this, a wave of people stumbled down a nearby flight of stairs.

    “We have an intruder here!” shouted the female. “He brought down Team Snagem! Take him down!” she ordered.

    “What, you hired all these guards?” Wes asked, trying to delay the inevitable. Where the hell is Johnson? Or Sherles for that matter? “I thought this was a dance school!”

    “So you’d think!” exclaimed the woman. “But these are no customers – despite Miror B’s efforts, nobody here wants to learn how to dance! No, these are just a bunch of guards that we’ve employed so that this wouldn’t happen. Until someone let him right in!” Sema added, glaring at Nore.

    “Hey, it’s not my fault!” retorted Nore. “I was just doing my job!”

    “But… I’m here to learn how to dance…” one of the newcomers mumbled. “What’s going on here?”

    “Silence!” she ordered, assuming charge. “If you get him, you can get a free lifetime membership!”

    “Okay!”

    “I’m afraid to say, Wes, that you aren’t going to get very far,” she concluded confidently, turning back to Wes.

    “I’m not too sure about that,” replied Wes. “Go, Espeon and Umbreon!” he said, tossing two Poké Balls into the space in front of the crowd.

    “Umbre!?” (Umm… why all the people?) Umbreon asked as he materialised and glanced about, recoiling slightly at the sight of all the people glaring at him.

    “Never mind that,” said Wes. “Espeon – wipe their –”

    Just then, Wes’s command was cut out by a shout and a person running straight into the room.

    “There you are, Johnson! And about time too.”

    “Yes, I’m here to save the da-” cried Johnson, wrecking the moment as he tripped over one of his shoelaces. As luck would have had it in these sort of moments for the heroes, almost as if fate was attempting to create more drama out of the scene, the incoming Johnson clattered directly into Espeon.

    “Esp-!” (What-) Espeon said, before Johnson’s knee hit his head. Espeon slumped to the ground in pain, and gave a small surprised moan before passing out.

    “Oh, sorry, Espeon…” Johnson said, staggering to his feet. A few guards stepped backwards slowly, unsure what to do about the sudden police presence; even if it was Johnson.

    “For crying out loud, you knocked him out!” cried Wes, grabbing Espeon and pulling him away from Johnson. “That’s just great.”

    “Sorry…” apologised Johnson.

    “What took you so long? And where’s Sherles?” Rui yelled.

    “Sherles… I don’t know where he is,” began Johnson. Wes slapped his head in frustration as Johnson tried to explain himself. “I got held up – I had to tie up my shoelace,” he insisted, pointing at his shoe. “Hang on, it’s untied again!”

    “…Hang on, why the heck is Johnson here? Wait… first you turn on Team Snagem, and then you join the police?” cried the woman. “Absolutely bloody fantastic. We’re stopping you now – I’ve had it with all of these intruders! Guards, send out your Pokémon!”

    They all obliged on that command, instantly making the otherwise large room appear cramped. A few dozen creatures faced Wes, who in turn sent out the remainder of his party. Wes gave a quick count – five against twenty-odd creatures of varying size and shape. This was looking like a very one-sided affair.

    “Great, I love a challenge,” Wes sarcastically announced. “Rui, try to get Espeon awake.”

    “Okay,” answered Rui, as she knelt down next to Espeon and pulled out a Revive out of her bag.

    “Oh, I’m having none of that!” cried the woman. “And that’s our Shadow Pokémon you’ve got there as well!” she declared, recognizing the extra Pokémon Wes had sent out. Croconaw looked up at the woman and glared.

    “Croc!” (And you’re the annoying person who kept on whinging!) he remarked, seemingly recognising the woman.

    “Makuhita!” (Prepare to die!)

    “Ready guards? Att-”

    Just then, a silhouette of a tall ungainly man appeared by the door. All looked at the newcomer as he sung in an overly loud and off-key voice.

    “The wheelys on the busy… busier… bus goey mound and round…”

    “…Tom?” Wes asked incredulously.

    “Hey-hey, dis isn’t my hiuse…” Tom stated, confused. Then he noticed the tension between all in the room, and noticed the full-scale Pokémon battle about to start. “Did I com at bad time?”

    ***

    “So, Gonzap, finally decided to explain yourself?”

    The image of a large man with the lack of any sort of facial hair scowled back at Nascour. The fool looked exhausted, and seemed to have set up camp somewhere far away from where Team’s Snagem’s base lied... or leastways, what was left remaining of Team Snagem’s former base.

    “I told you before – it’s not my fault!”

    “Oh really? I’m under the impression that your organisation - which you are in charge of - let one of your recruits single-handedly destroy your entire base. Not to mention that the vast majority of your group are either arrested or running for their lives, while both Snag machines are destroyed.”

    Gonzap growled. “Only one is destroyed – the other is simply in possession of that blasted boy.”

    “Which is as good as destroyed, if not worse!” shouted Nascour. The tension between the two men was incredible. It was lucky they were communicating over a televised relay, as otherwise more than just strong words would have been exchanged.

    “Do you know that the boy has weakened our stranglehold on this miserable land, because of your team? Because of your mishaps, our plan is now being delayed! You’re lucky that Cipher has decided to keep our ties with you, else you would no longer be functioning.”

    “I’m well aware about your losses, Nascour. Believe me; I didn’t exactly plan to have my base blown up. We suffered far worse than you,” Gonzap replied, subconsciously rubbing his head where his eyebrows used to be. “At least they’re starting to grow back…” he muttered to himself.

    “Did you at least manage to get the rest of the Pokémon out of there, or did they get lost too?” sneered Nascour.

    “Of course! Mind you, maybe they would have been better off dead, considering where they’re being sent. I’ve sent the last batch we got to Ein – including a Skarmory that I got. That’s to be my Shadow Pokémon, understand?”

    “Sure, whatever,” Nascour answered dismissively. “Talk to Ein about that. At least you didn’t let one teenager destroy everything. Just your base, and the Snag machines, and your reputation. Well, whatever reputation there was to begin with…”

    “Now look here, you’d better pipe down,” responded Gonzap, shaking a fist.

    “And what position are you in to say such things? It’s not me who’s struggling, it’s you. And you’d better hope that he doesn’t come back to finish his job.”

    “If I were you, I’d be worried about him too,” snapped Gonzap.

    “Oh? How so? In all likeliness, that Wes fellow has no idea about the existence of Cipher, let alone where our hideouts are located. I think we don’t have to fear much from him.”

    “So how come he had been interfering with your operations in Phenac?”

    That hurt. Stunned, Nascour’s confident attitude changed into one of shock, much like one a Wingull would give if it had been hit with an electric attack.

    “But...well, how did you know about that?”

    Gonzap chuckled. “Oh, I have my ways. I also know that you still have no idea on his whereabouts, and that he rescued that girl that you were after as well,” Gonzap summarised, enjoying the look on Nascour’s face. “The thing is, I wouldn’t dismiss the kid - he may be as thin as a stick, but he thinks well on his feet, and it doesn’t take much to push him into retaliation.” Gonzap winced as he thought back to the lead-up of the moment that his base had been destroyed. He had misjudged Wes, and had suffered the worst consequences imaginable.

    Well, sure, he could have died, but life without Team Snagem at its former glory, or his prized eyebrows, just wasn’t the same.

    “Right. I’ll be sure to think of that the next time he blows up one of our hideouts,” Nascour said dryly, trying his best to cover up his surprise at Gonzap’s knowledge of Cipher’s going-ons. “Bye.”

    With that, Nascour closed the transmission. He had enough of talking to Gonzap. Cipher had placed their trust in Team Snagem, and they had let all hell break loose within their base, allowing a mere teenager take them down in one fell swoop. And that same teenager had been messing up with Cipher’s doings.

    And it didn’t sit well with him. Cipher’s very beginnings had been similarly hampered by such an event, with a group used for support by Cipher being brought down from an equally, if not more unlikely, source. It had taken Cipher a good while to recover from such an incident. But what happened to Team Snagem wasn’t going to affect Cipher this time, let alone occur to Cipher – such an outcome was too terrible - and probably too unlikely - to occur.

    He’d make sure of that.

    ***

    Meanwhile, in a certain building in Pyrite that belonged to Cipher, all hell was breaking loose.

    Tom’s arrival had surprised Cipher’s guards, not to mention his drunken behaviour which resulted in him hiding behind a nearby chair.

    “ARRGHH! INNA WORLD WAR FIVE!” he screamed, startling Cipher’s agents with the shouting and the act of attempting to throw a table into the air. Wes, being somewhat more used to Tom’s antics, recovered the quickest, earning himself a few valuable seconds to command his Pokémon team sans Espeon.

    Makuhita started off the proceedings. He charged in fearlessly, and with a cry of ‘Die!’ punched the nearest opponent to him in the gut. The man doubled over in pain; surprised by the fact a Pokémon had attacked him.

    “Good work, Makuhita,” acknowledged Wes, not minding whether human or Pokémon were taken out for the time being – either way, both were against him. He could worry about the consequences later. “Rui, can you send out your Pokémon?” he asked, as Umbreon and Croconaw caught on and sprang forward into attack, exploiting the distraction that Tom had provided. Misdreavus gave a ghostly giggle and joined the battle, latching onto a Hoothoot’s head. The unlucky bird Pokémon hooted in surprise and tried in vain to shake off the Ghost type’s Bite attack.

    “Sure, just a sec,” Rui called, applying the Revive to Espeon. She reached down into her bag and pulled out a handful of Poké Balls.

    “Go, get them!” she called, before pulling off one of the most uncoordinated Poké Ball releases ever performed. Five orbs flew wildly in the air in random directions. Wes instinctively ducked one that was centimetres from taking his head off.

    “Fools! I’ll annihilate you myself with my Tyranitarrgh!” screamed the woman as a Poké Ball hit her square in the nose. “Hey, watch where you’re throwing that!” she cried, before she stopped short, noticing a form materialise from the Poké Ball that had just hit her.

    Right above her head.

    “Arrgh!” she managed, before a large overweight Quagsire found itself standing on top of a struggling and unfortunate person, with a furious battle occurring around it. Try as she might, Sema could not budge the fat blue Pokémon off of her, nor reach for her Poké Balls.

    “Quag…sire” (Dah, you smell like peanuts,) Quagsire stated, leaning forward to examine the peon’s face. One look at Quagsire’s beady eyes and blank face, added to having it sit on top of her was simply too much for Sema, and she promptly passed out.

    “Err… just stay there Quagsire,” Rui advised, peering at the woman’s downfall before turning back to Espeon. “Sorry about that!” she called to Sema.

    “Quag!” (Okay!) Quagsire responded, before deciding to take a little nap where it was, paying no attention to the battle around it.

    Meanwhile, Johnson had decided to join the fray himself. As Croconaw barged an unfortunate guard out of the way, Johnson strode up to him and two Pokémon that had moved in to check if he was okay after the attack.

    “I’ll beat you!” he cried confidently. The man looked up and smiled.

    “Right. You think you, Johnson, can beat me? Attack, Magnemite and Remoraid!” he commanded, as a small Magnemite beeped in response, and a thin blue fish, nestling in a small puddle it had summoned up, glared at the foolhardy policeman.

    “Oh yeah? Go, Magikarp!” replied Johnson. A fat flimsy-looking fish came out of Johnson’s Poké Ball and flopped on the ground. The orange Pokémon appeared to be a sad excuse for any sort of Pokémon battle.

    “Whe… it Karpador!” exclaimed Tom, still somewhat confused by the whole situation. He has somewhat recovered from his initial fear that the end of the world was nigh, but had decided to stay behind the safety of the chair. That didn’t last long however as a Pineco that had been thrown to the side by Makuhita flew right into the chair and reduced it to pieces.

    “Oh no! It’s a…. thingy!” cried Tom before vigorously kicking the poor helpless Pokémon back in the opposite direction into someone’s head. “Why fighting dis on fis go?” he wailed nonsensically in fear.

    “Erm, Johnson?” Wes began, noticing Johnson’s somewhat bold move of using a Magikarp in battle. “Eh, whatever. Try to hold him off for a few seconds at least…” he continued, seeing Johnson’s determined face to do something right. Wes turned back to his Pokémon and rallied them.

    “Okay, that’s ridiculous - a Magikarp? Remoraid, use Water Gun!” shouted the guard, as the small Pokémon shot out a ball of water straight at Magikarp.

    “Magikarp, use Splash!” commanded Johnson. Magikarp flopped even harder than before as the heavy ball of water approached. Within a split-second of impact, Magikarp randomly jumped up high into the air, surprisingly evading the attack.

    “What? Oh, you just got lucky. Remoraid, again!”

    Once more a Water Gun attack was fired, and again Magikarp completely avoided it.

    “Now that’s not possible… Fine then, Magnemite, use Supersonic!”

    The Magnemite emitted a sharp array of sounds and focused the waves of reverberations right at the Magikarp. Whether they had any effect or not was unclear, as the Magikarp seemed oblivious to the attack and continued to flop on the ground.

    “Okay… oh, whatever. Use Thundershock!”

    “Magnet!” (Destroy, Destroy!) beeped the small Pokémon, unleashing an impressive orb of electricity at Magikarp. It zipped right at the fat fish Pokémon, but once again Magikarp evaded the attack with another sudden show of Splash.

    “What the… Thundershock again!”

    “Now, Magikarp, use Tackle on Remoraid!” Johnson shouted.

    It was unclear whether Magikarp actually used Tackle and had charged at the Remoraid, or that it simply had randomly flopped forward at a surprisingly fast speed at the right time to knock Remoraid into the path of the Thundershock attack. The opposing trainer didn’t take to this outcome too kindly, letting loose half a dozen profanities that were appropriate for one who was getting beaten by a Magikarp.

    Meanwhile, Umbreon faced down three of one of the guard’s Pokémon at once - a small olive-coloured Larvitar and two water types in a Carvanha and Barboach.

    “Carvanha!” (I’m going to eat you!) announced the red-and-blue fish, baring its teeth.

    “Larvitar!” (I’m going to poke you!) the Larvitar shouted. He stomped his feet in a show of confidence with the three-on-one advantage, despite Umbreon’s size compared to the trio.

    “Barboach!” (I’m going to…shake my tail at you!) said the Barboach, earning a glance from the other two Pokémon.

    “Umbreon!” (We’ll see about that!) retorted Umbreon. “Umb!” (Take this!) he cried, before firing a Secret Power attack at Carvanha. Still distracted by Barboach’s comment, it gave a cry of surprise as the sparks sent from Umbreon’s glowing rings made contact. Electrical pulses spread across the fish’s body, and as it shook them off, it got hit by Umbreon’s charging Tackle and slapped straight into a wall. The impact knocked it out.

    “Umb!” (One down!)

    “No way! Larvitar, Bite! Barboach, distract Umbreon with Water Gun!” commanded the Pokémon’s trainer. Larvitar snarled and charged at Umbreon, as Barboach charged up a Water Gun attack.

    “Umbreon!” (Oh, too easy! Maybe you’d want to not announce your tactics to me,) drawled Umbreon. He then responded by running to the side, forcing the stubborn Larvitar to change routes but unwittingly move into the line of attack.

    “Bar Barboach!” (Hey, get out of the way! I’m charging my Water Gun here!) shouted Barboach.

    “Lar?” (I am?) asked Larvitar, glancing back to see that Barboach was right. When he turned back to Umbreon however, he was gone.

    “Lar…” (Where is he?)

    “Umbreon!” (Right behind you!) answered Umbreon, before striking the Pokémon headfirst. He followed up with a crunching Bite attack to the Pokémon’s lower body, leaving Larvitar down for the count.

    “Umb!” (Two down!) announced Umbreon, before jumping to the side to avoid the rushed Water Gun attack from Barboach. “Umbreon!” (You’re mine!) he shouted, suddenly charging at the trembling Barboach.

    “Makuuu!” (Dieee!) shouted Makuhita from nearby. From nowhere, Makuhita sprinted at Barboach first and punched it, knocking it out in one hit.

    “Umb!” (Hey, that was my one!) cried Umbreon in protest as the Pokémon’s trainer sadly returned his Pokémon to their Poké Balls, defeated. Then he cried in pain as Makuhita punched him in the shin.

    “Maku! Hita Hita!” (You were too slow! Now, OUT OF MY WAY! MUST KILL!) shouted Makuhita, charging at another Pokémon.

    “Umbreon…” (Well, I’d give him an ‘A’ for enthusiasm, that’s for sure,) murmured Umbreon, before joining the fray once again. The battle continued, and although Wes’s Pokémon were outnumbered, they were steadily wearing down their opposition, while desperately trying to avoid taking any more major hits.

    “Good work, Croconaw!” cried Wes, watching as an unfortunate Taillow succumbed to a tremendous Shadow Rush attack, the small swallow squawking in pain as it fell.

    “Croc?” (Really? Wow…) replied Croconaw, surprised at the compliment he just received.

    “Yep - that was great. Keep it up!” encouraged Wes. Croconaw stared at Wes’s unexpected praise, ignoring the battle around him for the moment. Bluno hadn’t said such things to him - instead, he talked about interest rates and lawyers. Bluno always got easily distracted… Suddenly Croconaw’s mind was made up. Wes wasn’t so bad. But the other Pokémon... they were far more irritating right now.

    “Croconaw!” (This is for making Wes angry!) cried Croconaw.

    Suddenly, the ground started shaking as a rush of water erupted from deep below the ground. Wes glimpsed a large hole in the floor appearing before his view of it was obstructed by water flowing freely from it, spreading across the floor and merging into a massive wave. Wes’s Pokémon either noticed the looming danger or were alerted to it by Wes, and quickly scampered to the other side of the room, as the wave built up size and speed from behind Croconaw. Luckily, Makuhita was busy tormenting a Cacnea behind the wave, for otherwise he probably wouldn’t have noticed the impeding danger. A few other Cipher agents and their Pokémon were also safely out of the way, including Johnson’s rival, but the majority were in the wrong place in the wrong time, and were too tired to move out of the way.

    “Croc…o….naw!” (Water!) Croconaw shouted, before the wave caught up to him and swelled in size. Croconaw comfortably rode it, before letting the wall of liquid fall straight on top of Cipher’s goons.

    “Umbreon!” (Now that’s a Surf attack!) commented Umbreon, watching the swirling mass of fluid drench all within range of the attack. Most of the remaining Pokémon that hadn’t fainted from the battle lost consciousness right then and there.

    “Oh no! It’s a…. a… watery mortery… wet!” cried Tom as he too got caught by the water. “Splish splash sploshy!” he cried. Just then, the door opened once again.

    “I have a delivery of extra-glazed raspberry-flavoured jam doughnuts here… oh c-” began another newcomer. The delivery man was cut short as the mass of water escaped through the opening right into him.

    “Fantastic!” cried Wes. “That was… brilliant!” The battle field had been practically cleared up now, with all of the guard’s Pokémon defeated. Croconaw beamed with pride at his new attack, although something told him that he knew it beforehand.

    “You can stop punching things now, Makuhita,” Wes said, as his weary Pokémon regarded a still enthusiastic Makuhita.

    “Maku…” (Do I have to?) Makuhita asked, as he slowly ceased punching a defenceless door.

    “How… dare you!” cried Nore who struggled to his feet coughing out water, interrupting Wes’s thoughts. “You may have won the battle, but… well…” trailed off Nore, realising that there wasn’t much of a way to put a positive spin on things. “Well, damn you! I’ll go to my last resort - go, Yanma!”

    Nore managed to send out a Pokémon, spitting out water as he did so. It resembled a giant overgrown dragonfly, with massive bug-out eyes. It darted quickly from side to side very rapidly - it was astonishing that a thing that size could move so quickly.

    “Yanyanayanma!” (I-must-win-I-must-win-win-win-win-win-win!) it jabbered.

    “Umbre?” (What did you say?) asked Umbreon, unable to catch on to what Yanma just said.

    “Maku!” (I’ll destroy you!) cried Makuhita, charging at it before realising that it was gone. “Maku!” (Where’d you go?)

    “Yanma!” (I-go-fast-so-I-can-win-win-win!) buzzed the Yanma, as it zipped around the room bumping into Wes’s tired Pokémon one at a time.

    “Umb!” (Ow!)

    “Croc!” (Ah!)

    “Maku!” (Ouch! Stupid buzzy thing!)

    It’s so quick… thought Wes. It’ll be hard for my Pokémon to hit it…

    “Wes!” called Rui suddenly. “It’s a Shadow Pokémon - I can see its aura flying around!”

    “It is? Well, that makes things even harder…”

    “Oh, you won’t be snagging that Pokémon for a long while,” laughed Nore. “See, I had given it some coffee beforehand. It’s so hyper, you’ll never catch it!”

    “Yanma!” (Coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee-coffee!) confirmed Yanma, flying even faster than before. It literally looked like a blur moving from one end of the room to the other, striking Wes’s Pokémon with each new cry of ‘coffee!’.

    “Get them Yanma!” called Nore. “Wait… don’t stay in one place… what?” Nore wringed his hands and squinted heavily, trying to make out why Yanma seemed to be stuck in a small confined space, bouncing off an invisible wall.

    “Yan? Yananyanyanyan!” (Oh-no-it’s-like-a-force-field-I-hate-force-fields-maybe-now-ow-maybe-now-ow-maybe-now-or-now-or-now!) Yanma jabbered, bouncing off in every direction.

    “What the… that’s odd,” commented Wes. “Who did that?”

    “Espi!” (I’m feeling better now! No thanks to Johnson though…) exclaimed Espeon, getting to his feet.

    “It took him a while to come to, but he’s been okay for a while now,” Rui said. “Johnson must have hit him rather hard on the head with his knee there.”

    “Esp…Espeon!” (Too right… it was like a super-effective hit!)

    “Oh, you’re better now! Well, good work on trapping that Yanma,” complimented Wes, watching Yanma bounce off the Reflect attack over and over again. Within half a minute it slumped to the ground, exhausted.

    “Yan…” (Coffee…) it moaned in pain.

    “Esp! Espeon!” (Well, what are you waiting for? Snag it!) urged Espeon, as he tiredly removed the field, still feeling a faint reminder of Johnson’s knee.

    “Okay then,” Wes said, inserting a Poké Ball into the Snag machine.

    “No!” cried Nore, but it was too late – a straightforward throw and three shakes of the Poké Ball later and the Yanma was in Wes’s possession.

    “Yes!” Rui yelled. “We’ve done it!”

    “Not if I can help it!” shouted Nore, diving to grab the Poké Ball. Just before he grabbed it however, it moved out of his reach, hit him firmly on the head, and travelled straight into Wes’s grasp.

    “Esp!” (I’m definitely feeling better now!) announced Espeon.

    “Now that is cool…” muttered Wes, impressed with the trick. Nore however wasn’t, as he clutched his head and moaned.

    “Hang on,” interrupted Rui, “is Johnson still battling?”

    Wes looked into one deserted corner of the room - Johnson indeed was still battling the same trainer he had been before.

    “Why won’t you just die!?” shouted the guard in frustration. “I’ve had enough of this! Magnemite - Spark! Remoraid… just try to hit it!”

    Both Pokémon, looking rather battered, charged at Magikarp with their respective attacks.

    “Now, Magikarp - jump up and use Flail!”

    Impossibly, Magikarp again jumped at the right time to evade both Magnemite’s and Remoraid’s simultaneous attacks as they collided with each other.

    “Magnet! (I am error!) beeped Magnemite as Remoraid’s tail struck it.

    “Rem!” (Pain!) cried Remoraid as the electrical pulses on Magnemite’s body transferred to Remoraid.

    As Magikarp returned back to the ground and landed on top of the two Pokémon, it flailed its entire body vigorously, slapping both Remoraid and Magnemite multiple times with its tail. Whether it was the pain, or the sheer humiliation of being bested by a Magikarp that did it remained a mystery as both Remoraid and Magnemite succumbed and fainted.

    “Johnson… did you just…” began Wes, his mouth gaping at the remarkable victory.

    “I told you that I’d save the day,” boasted Johnson. “Good job, Magikarp!”

    “Magikarp!” (Flopping is fun!)

    “Oh, that’s beyond ridiculous!” cried Nore. “You’re telling me that we got defeated by a Magikarp? And JOHNSON’S Magikarp to boot? I’m outta here!” he exclaimed, making a run for the door. Unfortunately for Nore, he found the door blocked and ran straight into a person. Before he knew what had happened, he found himself firmly handcuffed.

    “Err… well, hello there, Sherles,” Nore began uneasily.

    “About time, Sherles,” greeted Wes. “What took you so long?”

    “Well, Duking and I had lost sight of you two for a moment, but Johnson spotted you. The trouble was that he ran after you so quickly that we lost sight of him too. He didn’t even tell us where you went! We had no idea where you where,” confessed Sherles, with an occasional glance to a blushing Johnson.

    “How did you find us then?” Rui asked, quietly rummaging through her bag to pick out a few items, and gradually healed Wes’s Pokémon one by one.

    “Oh, just a hunch,” Sherles said, glancing through the door. Wes followed his gaze and saw where Sherles had gotten his ‘hunch’ from. A bunch of Cipher guards and Pokémon had been spewed outside by the Surf attack, which had created a mini-lake just by the door. Duking was outside, dragging the Cipher guards to their feet and none too kindly handcuffed them all himself.

    “Oh dear…” whispered Rui, realising at some were more than a bit ruffed up.

    “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about them,” Duking said. “After they kidnapped Plusle, they deserve everything they get, the dirty foul smelling…”

    “Yes, yes, that’s enough,” hurried Sherles. “Get them safely into the cells. We can question them later. Me, Johnson, Wes and Rui will move on, and try to clear out the whole bunch.”

    “Okay then,” Duking gruffly responded. “Just make sure that Plusle… doesn’t get badly hurt or anything.”

    “We’ll try our best,” answered Wes.

    “Appreciate it, Wes. Hope to see you soon,” said Duking, as he frog-marched the bewildered and battered Cipher guards.

    “So… what did happen here?” Sherles asked. “Decided to renovate Cipher’s place as well as Team Snagem’s?”

    “You could say that…” Wes shrewdly smiled.

    “Ah! It’s you, Sherlock!” cried Tom suddenly, appearing from behind a staircase. He ran up and hugged Sherles in relief that the Sheriff of Pyrite had arrived.

    “Err… hello there,” Sherles responded, somewhat surprised.

    “Oh, it wis horribles! There wus a lotto persons, and a lot of Pokeypeople as well, and their was flighting and hen her was a giant pineapple as well! Lots of… thingys happened! And then wet stuff mappeared! It made me very berry wet,” sobbed Tom.

    “Yes, that’s very nice,” interrupted Sherles “but what are you doing here?”

    “He just… randomly walked in,” answered Wes.

    “Wait - he just walked into Cipher’s hideout - just like that?”

    “Oh, Sherley, it was the wurst tim of me life! I swear, I’ll never mever hever kever sleaver mrinky drink again! Ever! I swore it on all of teh smazzules in da world!”

    “Espeon!” (Oh, I wouldn’t make a promise I can’t keep…) Espeon muttered. “Espeon!” (Hey, did you hear that?) Espeon added suddenly.

    “Umbreon!” (Yes, we heard your ever-so-intelligent comment,) Umbreon answered.

    “Espi…” (No, not that… listen closely!) Espeon urged. The room fell silent, with the exception of Tom who kept moaning about his terrible time that he had just experienced. Wes frowned - a faint cry of ‘Help!’ could be heard several floors above.

    “Hey,” began Sherles, “that sounds like… Silva?”

    “Oh no - he must be in trouble!” cried Rui, as she sprinted off and up the staircase.

    “…Guess we’d better follow her,” shrugged Wes, doing just so after giving his Pokémon one last check-up. Sherles followed, with Tom right behind him, seeking safety behind the gruff sheriff. Tom stopped for a moment however when he approached the stairs, grabbing a bottle of alcohol from his pocket and grinned at it happily.

    “I’m coming too!” called Johnson, before scooping down to pick something up. “What’s this... a CD? An Ein File? Eh, whatever,” he mumbled as he wiped off the water from it and stuffed it in a pocket before continuing up the stairs.

    ***



    I hope you enjoyed that. I’ve put a fair bit of time into thinking out this chapter, and planning the events. And yes, Tom reappeared again. :)

    Now for the spoilers about how this relates to what occurs in the game:

    Hideout - Cipher’s Hideout isn’t too hard to find in the game - it’s the only building that you can’t go inside, and a cut-scene shows Miror B talking to Nascour inside that building. It’s got dozens of people within it, so how does one get in? By having one of their guards take you right in, that’s how! Nothing like NPC stupidness to not recognize you… however, only AFTER they bring you in do they realize their mistake.

    The battles/battlers - the guy you brings you in (Nore) first battles you, and has the Shadow Yanma. Sema simply goes away, although you can battle her further within the ‘hideout’. She doesn’t have a ‘Tyranitarrgh’ however… but let’s not let the facts get in the way of a joke.
    The other battlers will battle you one by one, when you walk directly past them. Which is incredibly unrealistic. Hence why they all battle Wes at once. However, more trainers are within the hideout than the bunch that appeared in this chapter.

    After the first battle, Duking and his children will run in, talk to you, and run out again, letting you save their Plusle. How nice of them. At least Duking has something to do in the chapters.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2014
  14. ultimate_charmander

    ultimate_charmander bloody weather

    another great chapter and toms suprise apperance cant wait to see what he does in the next chapter!
     
  15. Psyblade

    Psyblade Inspiration Seeker.

    Wow...what a chapter.
    A little short in events, compared to the game, but considering that most Pokemon were battled already, re-thinking is appropriate.
    Now, to where the fiction shines:


    ROFL! What a generous offer.


    I admit it, I expected their accompany to say, "There is no password." and that, would be the password...
    Instead, Open Sesame is present. Lawl.

    Yet another of the million LoLs I would give.

    Makuhita should get that copyrighted. ^_^

    Never underestimate tah Magikarp...
    Seriously, if Johnson's Magikarp is this good -or lucky- I would hate to see his Gyarados...
    If it ever overcomes it's love for flopping, that is =D


    This dude is drunk with watching stuff like Devil May Cry or something...


    Other then those, this seemed slightly lacking:

    A Faint Attack? I never really pictured one of them...it doesn't take long to show Umbreon rising from someone's shadow or striking suddenly from a Pogeymon'z back.

    You probably wouldn't know this, but I take great amusement in reading your comparison spoilers in the end of each chapter.


    Not very intellectual, are they?


    Lol, we all love our Tyranitarrghs.


    Tell me about it...perhaps having poor eyesight could also explain their Ub3r skills in battling too.

    Off-topic: Remember the hundred trainer thing? I can't really recall the name...the one on helicopter platforms.
    There was a cheat when you could pass from the stairs to the right, and completely avoiding eye contact, and even stand right to their side, while they are -supposedly- supposed to say, 'Where is this challenger?'
     
  16. elyvorg

    elyvorg somewhat backwards.

    So there I was, thinking "perhaps I should give bobandbill that review I promised him", and then I saw that you had a new chapter out anyway. Whoo. So I'll just review this one on time instead. =D

    First thing to do is state the blatantly obvious that everyone else has already stated. Tom. Is. AMAZING. After him being the highlight of the last chapter, it was a big "yay!" moment when he walked in, and his line of "Did I come at a bad time?" was a perfect way to end the scene. Random screams heralding the start of World War Five are also love.

    Actually, though, my favourite character this chapter was the Yanma. Coffeeeeee~! Sometimes it's the Pokémon that are the most amusing things. *coughMakuhitacough* So yeah, I hope Yanma is seen again. :3

    And the other major highlight was Johnson and the power of his Magikarp. I love how you made it win without seeming completely implausible, hence making the defeated trainer's reaction rather priceless.

    Veeerrry funny chapter. Lots and lots of highlights, but I'll leave them for others to quote.

    Now for the more reviewerish side of things: this chapter has an extreme aversion to the word "said". I Ctrl+F'd it and you only used it TWICE. While it's not the most amazing word around, "said" is still a word and it isn't going to bite you if you use it. The constant slew of "began", "commented", "cried", "stated" etc just screams that you're desperately trying to avoid "said" for fear or being unoriginal. You don't need to. If someone is saying something normally with no particular kind of expression on it, "said" is fine and probably the best thing to use most of the time, as stuff like "confirmed" or "responded" for normal speech just seems really forced.

    There are a few grammar errors, but I was too busy enjoying the laughs to bother picking any out. One thing I should note is that it's Magnemite, not Magnetmite, and for the rest, I'd just advise you to proofread again and again before you post. Perhaps leave a couple of days in between proofreads if you don't already, as it freshens things up and makes you more likely to notice mistakes.

    Description is also a bit meh-ish. If this was any other fic I'd probably be more bothered, but this fic focuses not on giving the reader a vivid image of what's going on in their head, but on making what's going on seem funny. And that's fine. All I'm suggesting is perhaps a little more description in places where it won't detract from the humour.

    And I'll end this review by wondering out loud which of the people they battled that you have in that long list was the one who was only there for the dance lessons. =P
     
  17. The Great Butler

    The Great Butler Hush, keep it down

    That was really funny, especially the massive battle, but Johnson's Magikarp actually WINNING a battle probably takes the cake.
     
  18. gardevoir11

    gardevoir11 The First Princess

    Love this story. The pokemons' dialogue is simply hilarious (Personal fav: Quagsire XD). I can't help but think you overuse ... a little, but other than that, fantastic.
     
  19. fishyfool

    fishyfool And a nice chianti

    ;378; : Guh...Guh...GAWD IS THIS DAMN FUNNY! Seriously, having read the current fic through, it makes me wonder just what qualifications one needs to join evil corporations...but anyways, onto the review.

    ;378; : Lol @ this entire exchange. I think we should have a Metagrooowch, a Garchooof, and maybe a Salameeeeek as well. Rui's utterly lethal with her trademark move, Pokeballs of Judgment.

    ;378; : Keep up the comedy...and I pray that I need to check Colo out to see just what comical plotlines will crop up.
     
  20. king of blue

    king of blue That's me!

    oh yes! I want to review this. I think the story has been hilarious so far. I literally cracked up when I saw the magikarp part. Yes, I know I suck at reviewing. I want to be on the pm list please.
     

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