another great chapter and toms suprise apperance cant wait to see what he does in the next chapter!
Cheers. Glad you liked Tom's extra appearence, and he probably will have some stuff to do in the next chapter...
A little short in events, compared to the game, but considering that most Pokemon were battled already, re-thinking is appropriate.
Had to rethink, certainly, to avoid writing out serveal individual battles and try to make each on funny (and personally I'm a bit worn on ideas for Pokemon battles), I descided to make one big battle and leave it at that. Note that also basically everything in the next chapter was meant to be part of this one, but they ended up being separate chapters, as otherwise it would have been very long and rushed.
I admit it, I expected their accompany to say, "There is no password." and that, would be the password... Instead, Open Sesame is present. Lawl.
I find Open Sesame to be slightly more 'original'...
Seriously, if Johnson's Magikarp is this good -or lucky- I would hate to see his Gyarados...
Indeed... that would be scary.
“Umbreon!” (Right behind you!) answered Umbreon, before striking the Pokemon with a perfectly-timed Faint Attack. He followed up with a painful Bite attack to the Pokemon’s lower body, leaving Larvitar down for the count.
A Faint Attack? I never really pictured one of them...it doesn't take long to show Umbreon rising from someone's shadow or striking suddenly from a Pogeymon'z back.
Hmm, yes, I did somewhat skip on that - I've pictured Faint Attack in that instance to be Umbreon sneaking behind Larvitar while he was distracted and taking the oppurtunity... granted, not really described but. I'll fix that... later.
You probably wouldn't know this, but I take great amusement in reading your comparison spoilers in the end of each chapter.
Hurray, someone reads them! I usuaslly just write them right before submitting the chapter - glad you like them.
Off-topic: Remember the hundred trainer thing? I can't really recall the name...the one on helicopter platforms. There was a cheat when you could pass from the stairs to the right, and completely avoiding eye contact, and even stand right to their side, while they are -supposedly- supposed to say, 'Where is this challenger?'
... Nope, dont' recall ever having heard of that 'cheat'... I've tried to do so without any cheat devices or anything as well, but there's no eascaping their eyes... eventually. However in the hideout there is the odd trainer that you can pass if you put enough distance between yourself and them.
Thanks for the review Psyblade!
So there I was, thinking "perhaps I should give bobandbill that review I promised him", and then I saw that you had a new chapter out anyway. Whoo. So I'll just review this one on time instead. =D
Can't argue with that.
First thing to do is state the blatantly obvious that everyone else has already stated. Tom. Is. AMAZING. After him being the highlight of the last chapter, it was a big "yay!" moment when he walked in, and his line of "Did I come at a bad time?" was a perfect way to end the scene. Random screams heralding the start of World War Five are also love.
Yay for Tom. After the great responses about him last chapter, I was left thinking 'Pity I've used him now and not later', which was immediantely followed by 'Hey, why not use him anyway?', and so he reappeared again. The 'Did I come at a bad time' line was pre-planned, and the WWV screams were jsut on-the-spot randomness.
Actually, though, my favourite character this chapter was the Yanma. Coffeeeeee~! Sometimes it's the Pokémon that are the most amusing things. *coughMakuhitacough* So yeah, I hope Yanma is seen again. :3
Glad that I'm still making the Pokemon funny.
And the other major highlight was Johnson and the power of his Magikarp. I love how you made it win without seeming completely implausible, hence making the defeated trainer's reaction rather priceless.
Had been pre-planning that ever since mentioning Johnson's Magikarp in an eariler chapter.
Now for the more reviewerish side of things: this chapter has an extreme aversion to the word "said". I Ctrl+F'd it and you only used it TWICE. While it's not the most amazing word around, "said" is still a word and it isn't going to bite you if you use it. The constant slew of "began", "commented", "cried", "stated" etc just screams that you're desperately trying to avoid "said" for fear or being unoriginal. You don't need to. If someone is saying something normally with no particular kind of expression on it, "said" is fine and probably the best thing to use most of the time, as stuff like "confirmed" or "responded" for normal speech just seems really forced.
True... all due to primary school teachers druming into me that 'said' is bad and should only be used very occassionally... I've been taught that way, although I can see that it ain't so bad. 'Said' will get more love next chapter.
Thanks for pointing that out.
There are a few grammar errors, but I was too busy enjoying the laughs to bother picking any out. One thing I should note is that it's Magnemite, not Magnetmite, and for the rest, I'd just advise you to proofread again and again before you post. Perhaps leave a couple of days in between proofreads if you don't already, as it freshens things up and makes you more likely to notice mistakes.
Bah, upon submitting, the occassional 'Magnetmite' mistake had spread to all of them, and when I tried to edit, it didn't process three times. It was 'fourth time lucky' for me to get rid of the 't'.
The others I simply missed - I proof-read it a few times, but I'm not good and finding mistakes that I made... and I picked out a hell of a lot during the writing and afterwards as well.
Description is also a bit meh-ish. If this was any other fic I'd probably be more bothered, but this fic focuses not on giving the reader a vivid image of what's going on in their head, but on making what's going on seem funny. And that's fine. All I'm suggesting is perhaps a little more description in places where it won't detract from the humour.
Hmm... I
can do description, but I don't really focus upon it in this fic much... I've also had people tell me that they don't want description on the flip side of people saying that more would be nice - and that's fair enough considering this forum does like description so. I may expand it a bit - but I do like using description primarily to make things funnier in this fic.
Bleh, differing opinions are differcult to sort, but I like that - after all, not everyone likes everything. I try to put in more description without distracting from the 'funny' parts.
And I'll end this review by wondering out loud which of the people they battled that you have in that long list was the one who was only there for the dance lessons. =P
Now that's a good question... :0
Thanks for the great review! Greatly appreciated.
That was really funny, especially the massive battle, but Johnson's Magikarp actually WINNING a battle probably takes the cake.
Thanks. Seems I got a good response from Magikarp's win.
Love this story. The pokemons' dialogue is simply hilarious (Personal fav: Quagsire XD). I can't help but think you overuse ... a little, but other than that, fantastic.
Wow, someone likes Quagsire more than the others... good that his part was funny.
I overuse ellipses? Maybe, looking back it seems that somethimes I go for them a bit too often - I'll try to cut back on them.
;378; : Guh...Guh...GAWD IS THIS DAMN FUNNY! Seriously, having read the current fic through, it makes me wonder just what qualifications one needs to join evil corporations...but anyways, onto the review.
Thanks fishyfool!
Lol @ this entire exchange. I think we should have a Metagrooowch, a Garchooof, and maybe a Salameeeeek as well. Rui's utterly lethal with her trademark move, Pokeballs of Judgment.
Imagine that move in the game...
Keep up the comedy...and I pray that I need to check Colo out to see just what comical plotlines will crop up.
I shall keep up with the comedy. Thanks for the review.
oh yes! I want to review this. I think the story has been hilarious so far. I literally cracked up when I saw the magikarp part. Yes, I know I suck at reviewing. I want to be on the pm list please.
More Magikarp love.
You have been added to the PM list. Thankls for the comments.
Pretty much just these and the misspellings of "Magnemite."
Yay, only four mistakes this time round (and Magnetmite... stupid t).
Well, I was hoping that we wouldn't have to see every single hideout battle, so thanks for the big ambush. Plus, with Cipher's oh-so-convenient healing machine right there, it makes no sense to wait for Wes, as he would then just be able to refresh his team before every battle.
You're welcome.
It would have been hell for me to write up every battle as well... but don't forget that there are many more battles to come... in the game that is.
And everyone's favorite town drunk once again stumbles his way into a fine mess of a situation.
Drunk as he is, at least Tom realizes that something bad IS about to go down...
Bit hard to NOT notice a big Pokemon-war...
subconsciously rubbing his head where his eyebrows used to be. “At least they’re starting to grow back…” he muttered to himself.
See, Gonzap, always look on the bright side xD
'Always look on the bright side of life'...
Coffee+Pokemon=Hilarity+Trouble. Nore's probably got the thing addicted to coffee now, so I can see Wes either putting up with Yanma's coffee withdrawal, or having to give it the caffeine and putting up with the ensuing hyperness. Nice going, Nore.
At least it explains Speed Boost, lol.
Good point there... for those who don't know, the animation for Yanma in Colosseum is it moveing rapidly from side to side, while jerking his head. Coffee idea had partly to do with that, as well as speed-boost.
Methinks we have a new winner for "Most Pathetic Way to Lose a Pokemon Battle." Even worse than having Tom beat you up in the restroom beforehand.
Indeed.
Have to agree with Espeon here. besides, if Tom didn't have his Jack Daniels/Captain Morgan's/whatever the heck he drinks, well... he just wouldn't be the same Tom we all know and love.
I repeat, TOM CANNOT GO SOBER! EVAR!
...Ok, Tom will remain non-sober.
The battle did go by a bit quickly, and with any other fic I would have a problem with a single Surf pwning almost everyone. But in this case, I don't mind, especially since it means Miror B. will appear that much faster.
'And with any other fic'... that line has been mentioned, what, 3 or 4 times in reviews now? Is my fic that unique? Hurrah for execptions being made for me.
Do note however that all the other Pokemon had been rather battered prior to that moment, thansk to Wes's Pokemon, Johnson's Magikarp, and Tom's foot. Not to mention that having your trainer taken out would be somewhat distracting, leaving one open.
One thing I would like an explanation for is how Remoraid/Carvahna/etc can hover in midair. It's always struck me as weird in ALL the N64/GCN games (and PBR as well).
Yar, that is weird... and I'm kinda stuck on that for the moment.
And yay on the Gonzap/Nascour conversation. It nicely shows that already Wes is causing tensions between Cipher and Snagem (and this would eventually bite Cipher in the butt in XD ).
Yay, someone commented upon that scene! Was starting to think that it was being ignored or something... glad you liked it.
Don't really know whether the highlight for this chapter was Tom's drunken ranting or Johnson pwning with Magikarp. Either way, I enjoyed the frantic free-for all and Miror B.'s next appearance now excites me.
Thanks for that review.
i love this fic. it was suprising with Johnson's Magikarp winning but this is hilarious
Thanks.
Great chapter Bobandbill. I especially liked the random interruptions of the battle from Johnson and Tom. Seriously will that guy ever be sober? The Magikarp battle made me laugh too, along with all the Pokémon dialogue(Yanma and Quagsire mainly)
Relieved at how you managed to skip all the trainers in the building in one go , i was afraid we would have some long sequence where Wes battled them one at a time, which is probably the most frustrating thing in the entire game.
Also, will we see Miror.B in the next chapter at all?
Thanks, Night_Umbreon! Again, there wasn't much of a way I could do all of the battle without making it boring and tedious and long... although I find the save function rather annoying as well...
Oh, and Miror B will feature heavily in the next two chapters. That I can confirm.
Thanks everyone for the reviews!