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The reviving of the Shadow Pokémon

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Trickster Zorua, Mar 6, 2012.

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  1. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    The reviving of the Shadow Pokémon (PG-13)

    The reviving of the Shadow Pokémon (I'm gonna make new chapters when I'm done rewriting/making the old chapters!)

    PM List:
    cooloolcool
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    Chapter List:
    Chapter 1: The First Chapter.... (this post, rewrited/made by me)
    Chapter 2: The First Babysitting time...
    Chapter 3: Drama in the Evening!
    Chapter 4: The International Police Agent!
    Chapter 5: A Romantic Date with a Sad Twist!
    Chapter 6: Mareep's first battle!
    Chapter 7: The Rakki Fair!


    Characters:
    Kevin
    Gender: Male
    Age: 12

    Pokémon: ;179; Mareep
    Gender: Female
    Ability: Plus
    Hold Item: Everstone (look in personality)
    Moves: Tackle, Thundershock , Iron Tail, Charge
    Personality: Mareep is Kevin's pokémon since they were born on the same moment. Mareep is already 12 years Kevin's pokémon. But she still not evolved, because she don't want to evolve. So she holds a Everstone in her fluffy coat. She like to sleep or sit on Kevin's head.

    Pokémon: ;037; Vulpix
    Gender: Male
    Ability: Flash Fire
    Hold Item: Rawst Berry
    Moves: Ember, Tail Whip, Quick Attack, Roar
    Personality: When he was born, he did everytime dragged by her Mother Ninetales' tails. That was his favorite place. But when he was 3 years old, came some Hunters and killed the parents of him. On that day Vulpix sworn to get revenge for his parents. He did met Kevin and Mareep when Mareep accidently neezed on Vulpix's tails. They were complety under the mucus.


    Ella
    Gender: Female
    Age: 12

    Pokémon: ;309; Electrike
    Gender: Male
    Ability: Minus
    Hold Item: Everstone
    Moves: Tackle, Thunder Wave, Leer, Howl
    Personality: Electrike was found in the rain by Ella. She did hurried to her home, but she stopped when she saw a green and yellowish hairball on the ground, in the mud. She cleaned that hairball and it was a Electrike. From that day is Electrike and Ella best friends forever.

    Foreword: Dear readers, and the members or other people that watch this story of me:
    It's my first English fanfic that I write, and also the first fanfic from me in this forum. Hopefully you all enjoy this. Ehm...to put it in it short: Hopefully you enjoy this! And rate it please! And DON'T STEAL IT! ^^

    Chapter 1: The First Chapter…


    On a day, in the newly discovered Heiwa region, meaning “Peace”, did never appeared evil in the, peaceful, region, until today… A new team appeared, called Team Yami. They appeared in the Heiwa region, to do their secret evil plan…

    It happened in midnight , there came strange vans to the Heiwa Region, with some people in dark clothes and some machines. The vans were all black, so they couldn’t be noticed in the dark easily. They were riding quiet and slow to an old abandoned factory. After the vans arrived at the big gate in front of the old factory, the people came out of the vans. One grunt of the whole team walked to the boss of them, the boss was wearing a black lab coat, with triangle sunglasses. “Mister Dark, the whole team has arrived. Shall I start with the operation?” Whispered the grunt, who was the boss’ assistant, to the boss.

    “Yes assistant, but let me open the lock of the gate.” Answered the boss. Then he called his Houndoom out of his Dark Ball, a special Pokéball made by them to easily catch Pokémon, and the pokemon caught with that listen to their masters, with a evil heart... The Houndoom looked evil with the black glow he had. It was the last Shadow Pokemon from the time that all Shadow Pokemon had been purified in a another region.
    “Houndoom, use Crunch to break that lock.” command the boss to the Dark Pokémon.

    The Houndoom nodded. “Houn... HOUNDOOM!” did he said while using Crunch on the lock. What only was left from the lock, was the destroyed chain of it.

    “Well done Houndoom.” His owner said and putted Houndoom back in his Dark Ball. “Let’s go.” commanded the boss, and the grunts followed him.

    The whole team parked the vans before they followed their boss. But while they were walking, a trainer that lived 2 houses away of the factory, woke up with his Mareep. “Huh?" the trainer yawned with his Mareep, only did the female Mareep yawned a little bit quieter. "There’s something happening in the factory Mareep! Come with me, we going to check that out. I have a bad feeling about this…” whispered the trainer to his Mareep, she nodded because she have also a bad feeling about it.

    “Mareep!” said his Mareep and helped her trainer with giving him his backpack.

    “Thanks Mareep!” The trainer gave her a compliment. Mareep giggled. “Come, let’s go!” her trainer said and ran fast, with Mareep on his side, to the factory.

    When they arrived at the big scary factory, the trainer looked secretly into the little hole in the door. “Mister Dark, we are ready. Shall I start the machine?” asked the assistant.

    “Yes, but where’s the first pokémon to test the machine?” he replied. The trainer and his Mareep were shocked.

    “M-M-Mareep?” she talked to her self, asking her self what they mean with that machine they mentioned, while she’s shivering by the fear she had. When they stared again at the boss and his assistant, a grunt came in the room holding a Bidoof that struggle and don’t want to be the experiment.

    “Bi! Bidoof!” he cried, but the grunt slapped him and put him in a glass box. Then he closed the glass box by a metal plate. “BIDOOOOOOOF!” he cried out in pain, while dark thick purple smoke appeared in the box, covering the inside completely. After a few seconds, the smoke disappeared, and the Bidoof had a Shadow glow around him and other attacks.

    “Bi-Bidoof!” the Bidoof laughed evilly. The Mareep and trainer was really scared and shocked by seeing it. Mister Dark, the boss of Team Yami, laughed evilly.

    “It works! That Pokémon did changed to a Shadow Pokémon!”

    The grunt that putted the Bidoof in that box, putted the same Bidoof out the glass box. Then Mister Dark petted the Bidoof, like it was the Persian of Giovanni, the boss from Team Rocket.

    “So. A new weapon for us!” did he cheered, with the other grunts, and caught him in a Dark Ball. Two grunts filled the two empty orbs, what was filled first with the purple liquid, and put it in the storage of the machine, were more of such orbs were stored in.

    Mareep was so shocked, that she used Thundershock, to attack the evil team. “Intruder!” yelled a grunt when he noticed Mareep.

    Mister Dark called his Shadow Bidoof out. “Bidoof! Use Shadow Wave!” Bidoof did used Shadow Wave on Mareep. Mareep flew out of the trainer’s arms, knock out by the weird, but strong, attack of the Bidoof.

    “Oh no! Mareep!” he screamed worried and ran to a Pokémon Center, with Mareep in his arms. But the team don’t do anything when he ran away.

    “Hmm… a kid saw surely our plan. Well…if he come to stop us, then he will get problems, HUGE problems.” said the boss and closed the door, so nobody else could saw the machines. The boss walked to the machine and pulled a switch of it. The little machine transformed to a big machine with many cables and plugs. The machine plugged everywhere in the factory cables. Security camera’s appeared on the factory, but also electricity, water, gas and all. After the setup from the machine, a disguise was installed in the factory. It look like if the factory was a modern and luxury hotel with a swimming pool. The boss went to a room with the grunts, they built beds, and then they all went to sleep.

    When Kevin finally arrived at the Pokémon Center, he rushed to the counter, where a nurse waited for somebody to help with.
    “Nurse Joy! Can you please heal my Mareep!?” asked the trainer with Mareep fainted in his arms. Nurse Joy, with her cute voice and pink hair, replied.

    “Sure mister…” “Kevin is the name. I must still get a Trainer Card.”

    “Ah, okay. After healing your Mareep, I’m going then make your Trainer Card.”

    “Okay Nurse Joy. That’s okay.” Kevin replied. After five minutes, Nurse Joy came back with his Mareep.

    “Mareep!” said Mareep happy and hugged her trainer. “Your Pokémon is healed! Shall we make your Trainer Card?”

    “Yes please.” did he replied, while hugging his Mareep. Then Kevin followed Nurse Joy, while Mareep was putted on his head, sleeping and snoring cute.

    “Can you please write the needed information in this form please?” asked Nurse Joy and gave Kevin a form. He did written the information and gave it back. Nurse Joy did putted the form’s information in her computer, and a machine printed a Trainer Card for Kevin on special plastic, with his photo and the information and she gave it to him. “Your age is 12, your surname is Kibo, your Pokémon is Mareep right now, your length is 4 “92. Here is your card.” Nurse Joy said everything about him and gave the card to Kevin. “Don’t worry, if there’s something happened with your party, the card update it. It’s a digital card, so it’s handy if you don’t have to get a new card!”

    “Thanks Nurse Joy!” did he replied and ran back to his house, then to his room, putted Mareep on her favorite pillow to sleep on, putted his card in his backpack and fell asleep on his soft bed, tired of the mysterious case from Team Yami.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2012
  2. Mrmuffin123

    Mrmuffin123 First Male Swiftie

    Wow! That's pretty good! But the names are not really original. You have used the name yami countless times in rps! Other than that, 10 out of 10! I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
     
  3. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    ^ Thanks! ^^ I had no idea how I must call the team, so did I translated Darkness in Google. :p But thanks! ^^ BTW, the next chapter get a title. Only it's not known. :p
     
  4. Glover

    Glover Pain in Rocket side

    First off, Shadow Pokemon is a rarer thing to write about, so selcome aboard.

    I'll beat the mods to the punch, but please do go back into the Fanfic rules. I think you'll be alright once spacing gets worked out, but chapters should be in the 2 page minimum. Which then leads me to the next section. Because the Serebii forums don't indent for us, every paragrapgh and every quote should be broken apart by a line break. This makes it easier to read on a computer screen. So for example, you're second section:

    Should actually look like:

    See the breaks there? The middel part is all coming from Nurse Joy, so I didn't neccesarily have to break that up into its individual quotes.

    Ah, the English language. I applaud yo for trying it, that's more skill and patience than I was granted with foreign language. You're quite fond of the word Did, no? In english, our Subject is typically ahead of the verb, and the verb handles the action. In all of your cases, you can actually get rid of the "Did"s. For the most part, you've got the sentence structure fairly correct though. I've got some time, so I'll go ahead and pick through. I mean this only to be helpful, I don't mean to be condesending and I understand that there's a tiny language barrier, but let's see if we can't get that knocked down, shall we?

    May I?

    Do you mean "One day"? Or On a day such as this, a [describe the scene]? On a day to me feels like half a sentence. Not a bad little intro, I'm certainly digging for more detail, but there isn't any there.

    The joy of Verb tenses and actions. This might be why they say English is one of the harder languages. There was implies an immidiate past tense, such as there was a piece of pie on the counter. Probably, someone ate it shortly after the narrator set the pie out, but it was within a few moments of now that the pie was eaten. Happened on the other hand, while it is past tense, is implied to cover a much broader timeframe, best to leave it alone and let it do that without trying to modify the tense.

    In the bold section, I added had anything, then struck out Something. "Had" is in this case a helper verb for the verb "happened", and is soley there to make the story more flowing and readable. I replaced Something in this section, because Something is a specific stand-in for a certain, though unknown, item or action. (She looked at the open peg on the shelf. Something, blonged there, something was missing that should have been on that peg, but se didn't know what) Anything on the other hand is generic, of all the things that happen in the Heiwa region, none of them were evil. So that's why that's the way that it is. ("What should I put on this peg?" She asked her manager. "Oh, just put anything there so the customer can see it" he replied.)

    You don't need the did, the past tense is estblished by came. then it should be they came to the Heiwa Region, ot they came in. You probably should use a semi-colon (;) there instead of a comma, but I'm not the best with semi-colons. To do the new plan is not the best sentence structure. It works, but I might have gone with "To complete the new plan of..."

    Phew. I've thrown a lot of stuff at you, probably confusing. My apologies. You may want to seek help in the Author's Cafe sub forum in working all this out. All in all though, you've got an intriguing idea. I must confess, that I've been working much the same thought for a while now. In my own fic, "World Turns" (The family portraiot with three humans, a Gardevoir, the Espeon and the Umbreon, etc.) Team Rocket is experimenting with Shadow Pokemon (and Cipher) tech allegedly, and I'm exploring the possible connection with the Iron Mask and Cipher. The Iron Mask beiing the guy who used the Dark Balls in the Celebi movie. I have a feeling you will be moving through this much more quickly than I have been as I have a few other little side stories running as well, so I'm curiousto see how you do it. Not to steal, but you and I are thinking very similarly I supect, and I'm curious to see how far it goes. Best of luck!
     
  5. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    Okay, thanks. And it was on a day, on that day that they did invade the factory. But I'm gonna today edit with your corrections. Still, thank you for the corrections. I'm not good at English, I'm more Dutch! ^^; But that's no excuse! But what I did wanted to say: Thank you. I'm gonna edit today with your corrections. And yeah, that Dark Ball idea was used from the Celebi movie! ^^;

    Edit: New Chapter!

    Chapter 2: The first babysitting time…
    Kevin’s next day begins…. The morning start, a group Pidgey’s, Starly’s, Swablu’s, Pidove’s and other bird pokémon were singing. The sunshine did come through the window where Kevin sleep really close. He waked up. And did yawned and shook Mareep.
    “Mareep, wake up. It’s morning.” Did he whispered to Mareep. The little sheep pokémon waked up with one eye, and then a moment later, also the other eye. She smiled to Kevin.
    “Ma! Mareeeeeep!” She did hugged Kevin and did ran to the kitchen. Kevin giggled and followed her.
    “So Mareep, what do you want?” Did he said with a happy voice and petted her head. Then Mareep point to her favorite pokémon food, Sitrus Berry salad with inside a couple Pokéblocks that make her wool beautiful and some Oran Berry Poffins. “So you do want your favorite breakfast? Sure Mareep!” He took out the fridge her salad and put it on the ground. Mareep drools and cheered and eat it slowly up. You saw that she enjoy of her breakfast. She did pushed with her head the salad bowl with her breakfast in, to a basket, where she always watch TV and eat. She did stepped on the basket, and lay, while she’s eating her food. Kevin did walked to the chair in the living room, next to Mareep and putted the TV on. He was on the good time to watch the news, that he watch everyday.

    “Hello, I’m James Horse and this is the morning news of the Heiwa region. In Sunshine Town, on the place of a old factory from a old bankrupt car company, did a hotel appeared. It was build by a company called: “The Yami Company”. It’s the biggest hotel of the world. Today is a Grand Opening at the hotel, every pokémon, and his or her trainer are today welcome, to get for today a free room. The popular hotel inspector from the site TravelFeed is going today to sleep one night there. More will who bring, in the afternoon. I say, tune at 1’o clock again on the same channel!” After the news, Kevin was shocked.

    “Th-that are the guys of that team Yami! This is not good… But why is there a odd satellite antenna?” He noticed when he looked in a window, that got the sight from the disguised factory, that yesterday transformed to Team Yami’s headquarter. Mareep noticed her trainer and heard what he said and walks cute to him and climb on his head to see the hotel. She shared the same thoughts as from Kevin.
    Then did someone pressed on the doorbell button. Kevin did walked to the door, with Mareep on his head. He did opened the door. A girl with blonde hair like Kevin, only is it really long, and a cute giggle with red cheeks. Kevin knows her, she is a neighbor next to Kevin. They were good friends, and they are still good friends. Mareep knows her also, and is secretly in love with her Electrike.

    “Hello Kevin! Long time not see right? I did wanted to ask you something. Can you babysit on my sick Electrike? He’s sick because he did fought with a Tentacool that used Poison Sting, so he got poisoned.” Did she asked.

    “Sure Ella! Go shopping then or something else, I and Mareep shall care for him!” Did he answered. Mareep was worried and ran fast to Ella’s house, but the door was closed, and Mareep try to get in, but she was sad because she can’t come in. Ella gave Kevin her key from her house and Kevin walked to the door. “Silly Mareep! The door was closed!” Did Kevin said to Mareep and opened the door with the shiny key, that look gold, but it is it not. Mareep did ran worried in the house, searching for Electrike, but then after hearing groaning from him, she found him and go to him, rubbing her head on his belly. Electrike was happy that Mareep and Kevin there was.

    “Elect…trike...” He has his eyes closed, while a purple poison like glow on his place between his eyes. Mareep did took from a vase on the table a bouquet of beautiful flowers. Electrike opened his eyes and hug her.

    “Well Electrike, I’m here to make you better. Your nice trainer Ella did asked that to me.” Did Kevin explained to Electrike. Then Mareep try to say no to Kevin. Then she points to herself. “Huh? Mareep, do you want to care for Electrike?” Mareep nodded and on a table are Pecha Berries, they can cure the Poison status, so Mareep pushed it to Electrike.

    “Ma! Mareep!” Did said Mareep, she did said in pokémonish that he must eat this berries. Electrike did followed the advice of Mareep and eat it. The purple poison glow is going slowly to disappear, after a couple hours. Electrike hopped and kissed secretly Mareep when Kevin doesn’t see it. Mareep blushed immediately after the kiss. “Ma-Mareep!” Did she said nervous and kissed him back. Then Kevin walk back to Electrike, because Kevin was in the meanwhile grocery shopping for himself.

    “So Electrike, I see that you are healed. Well…you two may play for a while, until Ella come back. That’s about thirty minutes.” Did he said. Mareep and Electrike nods and play with each other. They were passing to each other a ball with their tails, by the move Iron Tail. It was actually sort of dodgeball later. After Ella arrives with some bags with toys, Electrike got a chew-ball.

    “Kevin, thank you for caring for my Electrike.” Did Ella said.

    “No problem, actually, Mareep did it. I did grocery shopping for myself! Hehe!” Did he replied.

    “Well, if that’s true…then here Mareep, for you!” Did Ella said and then gave her a ball that can float by electricity from Mareep’s wool. Mareep did direct tried it, and she enjoyed it. She smiles and gave Electrike also that ball and when they cuddled their body on each others, some sparks formed a cute heart with a E and a M in it...
    When the evening felt, had Ella a idea. “Guys listen, shall we eat dinner at my house right now? Then I make spaghetti! And for the pokémon poffins!” Everyone did agreed with her plan… And so did Ella and Kevin walked to her kitchen to make dinner…

    Rates are welcome! :3
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2012
  6. Mrmuffin123

    Mrmuffin123 First Male Swiftie

    Awesome! It's just that it's takes a long time for a relationship to start. I think you should make it take a while for madero and elektrike to fall in lov. And my awesome prediction;Kevin and Alice will fall in love!
    And you also stole the Alice name I always use.
     
  7. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    Thanks for the rating! And maybe later in the story, but I think of not. :/ And sorry. If you want I don't use that name on it, and say it. Then I change the name to Cindy.
     
  8. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Only read the first chapter thus far, but I've a number of comments to make that seems to also be applicable to the second chapter from what I've skim-read.

    Firstly, you still need to separate the paragraphs and lines of dialogue by a different person from the rest at the end of the first chapter. It's good to see you fixed that issue elsewhere but it's still too cluttered in a large block there which is hard to read.

    Glover seemed to cover a lot with spelling and tenses, so I'll just mention a few other things. You have an established plot and some characterisation of Pokemon like the Mareep and all (although I do feel the people could be portrayed better), but on the whole I do feel the writing could be better.
    A lot of it is basically awkward-worded and doesn't sound natural or is choppy in pacing. For instance in this starting paragraph, the first sentence begins 'On a day' which is a weird way to start a story. Of course it happens on 'a day' after all, so it's more unnecessary than anything. After that you stop to say what Heiwa means and end the sentence there. Reading 'On a day, in the newly discovered Heiwa region, meaning “Peace”.' aloud you can tell it sounds unfinished. You say a time of sorts, a place but nothing else happens in the sentence after building up that something happens on that day by starting the sentence as so.

    'They did came in the...' also sounds awkward when read, as to 'do the new plan' also doesn't quite fit - implement or start a plan is a more oft seen way of saying it, but not 'do a plan'. I suggest proofreading and reading things allowed as things like this came up often.
    The same issue as above occurs in the first sentence here. 'At midnight strange vans arrived.' is far simpler but doesn't have the awkward pause made by the comma around vans and came. You also established what the region was so repeating that fact here is unnecessary - watch out for that too. On that note, try showing rather than telling. Here you said 'they were black and so they couldn't be noticed in the dark bar the lights', but that's not too hard a thing for a reader to figure out by themselves. Describing the black vans and the bright lights the only sign they were there at all would be a better way to write the sentence for instance as you're showing a bit more rather than stating facts.
    Another point I wanted to raise is with dialogue. If the part following the dialogue will not work as its own sentence but flows on from the dialogue (ie it tells us who said it and/or how it was said), then you can treat the two parts as one full sentence. Hence you shouldn't capitalise 'whispered' here as essentially you are capitalising a word in the Middle of the sentence (like so), which is incorrect.
    Same here - 'Answered the boss' doesn't work as its own sentence but it does say who said the dialogue before it, so treat the dialogue and it as one sentence. Although it doesn't apply to other punctuation marks (e.g. ! ? etc) you shouldn't use a full stop there but rather a comma. In other words it should look like this:
    I'd also suggest more description on what people look like and are like - I have little idea on the boss besides that he is evil - no details on looks or personality. On that note though, don't put in a lot of details - try to work in things about him during the story. (By that I mean don't say 'he had black hair.' but rather 'he scratched his black hair' - the latter has something happening while you describe and hence keeps the story moving. Showing personality also comes under that - don't say 'he was angry' but rather, say 'He stomped his foot and spat.' - that shows the reader he is angry without putting it bluntly). Only give relevant details too - the exact height of the trainer at the end for instance wasn't very important, and less so for a person not familiar with feet and inches as well.
    Use letters for numbers smaller than 100, so two rather than 2 here. Watch your use of commas too - the one after 'factory' in particular is unnecessary and just creates an uncomfortable pause.
    A few points above cover this - 'laughed evilly' is repetitive, while 'was in complete shock and fear' is telling rather than showing and not that interesting to read. Rather than stating that show us they are in fear - e.g. trembling, mouth wide open, they feel their heart beating loudly, and so forth. There's a lot of ways you can go about it. You already did this well enough with the Mareep a paragraph or two before this quote; it just needs to be more the norm rather than the exception.

    That'll do for now. Not a very positive review admittedly and this story does have potential, but I do feel there is a fair bit of work to be done for it to realise that - if the writing is awkward to read and has mistakes it distracts from the actual story no matter how good the plot may be. Take your time with writing and editing and consider checking out how other fics do it (or don't - one can learn from all sorts of stories, good and bad!). Good luck!
     
  9. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    Okay, and thanks BB. ^^
     
  10. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    New Chapter! <3:

    Chapter 3: Drama in the Evening!
    When they walked to the kitchen, they did direct started. Kevin did searched for dough so he can make for the pokémon Poffins. Ella did plucked fresh tomato’s of her garden, and for Kevin some berries. She put the berries on the cooking place were Kevin starts to make the poffins.

    “Here Kevin. The berries you need for the Poffins.” Did she said with a high and cute voice. Kevin thanked her.

    “Thank you Ella. I can start then with the poffins.” Did he answered and quickly did he chopped the berries and put them in the dough so he can bake it then. Ella did made from the tomato’s, tomato sauce for the spaghetti. She did called a pokémon out a Pokéball.

    “Panpour! Can you please use Scald in the kettle? So I can put the spaghetti to the cook!” Did she asked to the pokémon that came out a pokéball. It was a Panpour, a Monkey-like pokémon that is a water type. He is always relaxed. But the Panpour nods.

    “Pan! Panpour!” Did he said and used Scald, a move that shoot a beam of cooking water, that’s dangerous hot, what’s used much for people that cook, in the kettle. The spaghetti floats in the boiling water. Ella smiled and petted Panpour. It’s usual that Panpour help in the kitchen, like in this situation. Panpour did walked to Mareep and did greeted.

    “Pan Pan! Panpour!~”

    “Mar! Mareeep!” Did she said, but then when her wool did touched Panpour, it zapped him by the high voltage on the wool.

    “PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” Did he yelled and cried. He had really pain by it. “Pan! Panpoouuuuur!”

    Mareep field really guilty, and did said sorry.
    “Mareep…” She did petted Panpour’s back, then he was happy.

    “Panpoooour~” Did he singed and played with Mareep and Electrike dodgeball with the floating ball of Mareep. While they were playing, a hour later was the dinner ready. Ella and Kevin both yelled:

    “DINNER!” Then the pokemon did heard that and ran to them. They were all begging.

    “Well well Ella, they all are begging! Well…here you go!” Did said Kevin and gave the poffins to them. Ella walked with Kevin to the dinner table with the pokémon and start also with eating. They taste the food, it was really delicious for them. But later, at a moment…

    “BOOOOOOM!” A sound near the house did sounded. Everyone ran to a window to see what happens. The disguise did disappeared and a sort of mega energy generator did appeared on the roof. It looked also like a Tractor-beam, aimed to the sky. Everyone was shocked.

    “Look Ella! That’s Team Yami were I told about!” Did Kevin said to Ella and her pokémon. Everyone was scared. But then someone was on the top. Kevin focused on that person. It…like the boss from Team Yami. He recognized him from the last time. The whole group friends did ran to outside.
    “YOU!” Did Kevin said angry, pointing to the boss. “What are you doing!?”

    “Huh? That kid! With someone else… guys…take them!” Did commanded Mister Dark. Some Ninja grunts appear and surround them.

    “Come with us. Or you all are going earlier die.” Did they said, and they came inside. The inside of the factory looks really weird. Everywhere computers and other electronics. While they are walking, they saw 2 shiny stones, and 3 shiny orbs. The stones are Black and White, and the orbs are Blue, Pink and Brown. Some researchers of other evil teams like Team Plasma and Team Galactic were researching some shiny objects. On a monitor of a gigantic computer, are there images of the legends and with objects that control them. After a couple minutes they arrive at Mister Dark’s room.

    “Master Dark, here are the kids.” Did the ninja’s said and disappear, and the door is closed, but not locked.

    “So, that are the kids. First, let me introduce me myself. I’m Peter Dark, the boss of Team Yami! We are trying to make the Shadow status of the Pokémon back, and the first test pokémon experiment was successful. You kid,’’ Did he said, pointed to Kevin. “you surely remember the Bidoof that now is in his Shadow status? That pokémon was the first experiment. Now we are trying to do the same thing with the Legendary Pokémons, for disappearing the light and the colors! So only Shadow Pokémon and Dark type Pokémon can live here, and of course we.”

    “You did made one mistake! When we are free, we are saying it to the police! So you all get arrested for the horrible plan!” Did said Kevin, he did spoken that as a hero with a good heart.

    “The police is not going to believe you! You two are kids of twelve! So they surely think you two are making a joke! Well, the reason I did wanted to talk with you both, is for giving a warning. Do one time stopping mine plan, then you two going earlier die then normal.”

    The Ninja Grunts did took them again to outside and pushed them to the house of Ella.

    “You did heard our boss, so, this is your last warning.” Did they said and disappeared.

    “Oh my god, this is bad. I’m still try it to call the police, maybe someone believe us!” Did Kevin said angry.

    “Yes, let’s go! Go Abra! Use Teleport to teleport us to the police office!” Did Ella said and called Abra, a other pokémon of her. Abra was a really little baby Abra. He smiled and nods.

    “Abra! AAAABRAAAAAA!” Did Abra yelled and used Teleport. Mareep was scared and hided in Kevin’s backpack while they teleport…
     
  11. Mrmuffin123

    Mrmuffin123 First Male Swiftie

    Not really much of a cliff hanger
     
  12. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    New chapter! ^^ Chapter 4: The International Police Agent! The switching from moments are really short, maybe I redo the chapter. But I don't know if I gonna do that.

    Chapter 4: The International Police Agent!

    Abra, Mareep, Electrike, Ella and Kevin did arrived at the street where the Police Office of Sunshine Town. Ella thanked her Abra.

    “Thank you Abra. You get a cracker when we are home!” Did Ella said. Abra was happy and he did returned to his Pokéball. They all walked in and stopped at a nice lady. She had beautiful, long brown hair, with a tin, if she was on a beach.

    “Hello there. What can I do for you two?” Did the lady asked.

    “Hello, we want to say there’s a evil team called Team Yami here! In that new hotel!” Did Kevin said, and Ella replied on it.

    “That’s true! Please believe us!”

    “Well, it could be true, let me bring you all to our agent that stop teams like the old Team Galactic.” Did she replied, and they all nod. While they were walking to a little office, they all saw the training of the police agents, with the pokémon of them. The most ones all had a Houndour, or a Houndoom. And also a Stoutland or a other dog pokémon. The lady did opened the door of the office. “Mister Looker, two kids are reporting activity of a bad team called: “Team Yami”.” Did she said. The agent Looker did said:

    “Okay, let them inside.” The lady nodded and walked the away, with Ella and Kevin in the office. “So, you two saw a bad team? Interesting… I’m going to research that. Thank you two to report it.”

    “You welcome mister Looker, I think we see each other again, I want also to stop them.”

    “Yeah, me too mister Looker! I’m with my Electrike ready!” Did they said.
    “Okay, that’s fine. Well, I’m on the researching path, you two can go to home.” Did Looker replied. And it was 10 ‘o clock. They shocked when they saw the time and each other ran to the home of him and she and they did slept.

    When it was midnight, something happened at Team Yami’s headquarters. A man came to a secret entrance, waiting on a grunt of Team Yami. When the grunt came, the mysterious man said: “Here’s the data for making the Shadow Pokémon more powerful. On the other night, I’m going to bring then the items to change the legendaries to Shadow.” He gave to the grunt a USB Flash drive with all the data on it. The grunt nodded and ran away to Mr. Dark’s office and put it in the computer of him. On the screen appeared a few maps. On the monitor saw he the names of it. “SP Data, Project DS, Pokémon Data, Database residents of Sunshine Town”. He did turned off the computer and ran away to the grunt sleep room and slept……

    ~The next morning~
    Kevin had a digital timer clock that looked like a Voltorb. “Vol…vol…vol…TORB!” Did it said and made a sound to awake Kevin and Mareep. Mareep did waked up. She did snuggled up in Kevin’s bed. Kevin did opened his eyes and stroke Mareep’s fur. He smiled like always and hugged Mareep.

    “Good morning Mareep! Whoa! You are still dirty from yesterday! Let me clean you!” Did Kevin said. Mareep cheered.

    “Mareep~ Ma!” Did she said. Mareep love being washed by Kevin. And the reason is, because Mareep love the rubbing. It tickled her! She giggle when she get tickled!

    “Okay Mareep! You look really excited, like every time when I’m going to wash you!” Did Kevin said. He took a sponge with soap and rubbed Mareep’s face. She giggled.

    “Ma! Mare-e-eeep!” She smiled and blushed. And she did tried to blow the bubbles on her. Mareep enjoyed that. The little bubbles danced in the wind of Mareep’s mouth. When Kevin saw that, he remembered a hot spring in Heatblow City, a city close to Sunshine Town.

    “Say Mareep, shall we go to the hot spring in Heatblow City? Then we can calm down about Team Yami!” Mareep did happy nodded. “Then we ask if Ella and Electrike and her other pokémon wants to come with us!” Mareep did smiled and thought about a romantic day with Electrike in the hot spring. She did hopped on Kevin’s back, and they ran to Ella’s house. Kevin knocked on the door. “Ella! Do you want to come with us to Heatblow City’s hot spring? And maybe later to the beach here?” Ella did replied before Mareep did wanted to knock on the door.

    “Sure Kevin! Electrike and me do want that!” Mareep was happy! Ella did fast changed to her bikini. And she took a big beach ball that looked like a Drifloon. When they were ready, did Ella opened the door. “Here I am! With Electrike!” Did she said when she saw Kevin. Mareep saw Electrike.

    “Ma! Mareep, reep?” She asked if Electrike does want to go with her alone in the hot spring. Electrike nodded. When everybody was ready, they took off to Route 1, the route what leaded to the city with the hot spring. Mareep and Electrike did putted each other’s head on the other’s body. It was so cute how they were walking as a couple. 15 minutes later did they arrived at the house that contain the entrance to Heatblow City. They walked in. A Police Agent did saw them.

    “Hey Ella and Kevin! Are you two going to Heatblow City? Then good luck! It’s beautiful weather!” Did said the agent.

    “Thanks for the info David!” Did Kevin replied and they walk further. Kevin and Ella now David. He’s a neighbor from the street where they live. He’s 45 years old, but really nice.

    Kevin and Ella did walked strait the route with much windmills. The dandelions' seeds fly in the air. Mareep tried to blow them away. But every time when she try it, she get it in the nose and sneezed everytime it out. This time was it the same. Mareep did that and sneezed accidently on a wild Vulpix’s tails.

    “Vuuuul!” Did the little Vulpix cried because the tails of the little Vulpix were under the mucus from Mareep. Mareep tried to say sorry.

    “Ma…Mareep..” Did she said, the Vulpix accept the apology but did tried to clean his tails, but it didn’t worked. Then Mareep asked Kevin to try to clean it. “Ma! Mareep! Reep!” She pointed to the crying Vulpix and his tails.

    “Sure Mareep! I do want to clean it for you!” Did Kevin replied and take some mucus-clearing soap and did rubbed the brown little tails, until they were clean. When they were clean, the little Vulpix thanked Kevin.

    “Piiiix! Vulpix!” He did pointed to a empty pokéball of Kevin and himself.

    “Wait Vulpix, do you want to be my pokémon? Great!” Did he said. He took the empty pokéball and tapped on his head, to catch him. Kevin dropped the pokéball on the ground. It did shook one time. Then two times, and then three times! And…a fourth time! Kevin grabbed the pokéball and hold it in the air. “Awesome! I have now a cute Vulpix! My second pokémon!

    “That’s awesome Kevin!” Did Ella said, while she did congratulated Kevin with his new friend. Kevin put his new little Vulpix out the pokéball where he caught was a moment ago.

    “Vul! Vulpix~” Did his new Vulpix said happy and high fived Mareep and Electrike and introduced himself to them.

    “Well Mareep and Vulpix, I’m going to use this time my Pokédex! I got it when I was registered as a trainer!” Did he said and took his Pokédex out his backpack and scanned Mareep first.

    “Mareep, the Wool Pokémon. Its fluffy coat swells to double when static electricity builds up. Touching it can be shocking. The gender is Female, her ability is Plus, and her moveset is: Tackle, Thundershock, Iron Tail and Charge. She is holding a Everstone, a Item that preventing evolving when the pokémon holds it.”
    Then Kevin moved the camera of the Pokédex to his Vulpix.

    “Vulpix, the Fox Pokémon. It controls balls of fire. As it grows, its six tails split from their tips to make more tails. It start as baby with one snow white tail, when it grows, the tails split to six tails. The gender is male, his ability is Flash Fire, His moveset is: Ember, Tail Whip, Quick Attack and Roar. He’s holding a Rawst Berry, a berry that a pokémon recover from his burn. ”

    Then the last one, Ella’s Electrike. “Electrike, the Lightning Pokémon. Using electricity stored in its fur, it stimulates its muscles to heighten its reaction speed. The gender is Male, his ability is Minus, and his moveset is: Tackle, Thunder Wave, Leer and Howl. He’s holding a Everstone, a item that prevents a pokémon from evolving.”
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2012
  13. ChloboShoka

    ChloboShoka Writer

    Decent chapters with an interesting plot. The other posters have made some good points as well. On the most recent chapter, I got confused with the overuse of did. Did Kevin said, Did Ella said. You don't really need all those dids. I'm not too keen on the descriptions and think they could be a bit better like on this line:

    I think this sentence could be better. Describing what the item looks like and why they're holding it.
     
  14. PowerSpartanl99

    PowerSpartanl99 still hates toast

    That was a great story! A very creative plotline. However, there were so many grammatical errors that I had to force myself to finish it. I suggest you go to a knowledgable person (ie an English teacher) and have them read over your next fanfic so people have a better reading experience.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2012
  15. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    ^thanks for the rates! ^^ But C.Gholy and PowerSpartanl99, I'm tryijng to use the tips, because I'm not English but Dutch, but I'm still on Elementary for some reason and can't really great English! ^^; But later do I edit this post with the new chapter! ^^

    First before you read this, a moment is used from Angle's and AquaMilotic's Fanfic (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?564466-Aquatic-Passion-(PokeShipping-PG)&highlight= , got permission to use it from AquaMilotic!). The orginal moment was this: "In that fanfic, Ash and Misty are teasing Pikachu and Togetic because they are in a relationship, while Pikachu keeps denying that. Eventually, Ash and Misty apologize to them and stop teasing them."



    Chapter 5: A Romantic Date with a Sad Twist!
    “Cool! Mareep! You have a special ability! That’s a rare ability for you!” Said Kevin and scratched Mareep’s head. Mareep was happy and rubbed her head to Kevin’s leg.

    “Ma! Mareeeeeep!” Did she said really cute.

    “Well guys, shall we go? But first,” Did Kevin said and sit next to Vulpix. “Vulpix, we are going to a hot spring in a city, I did not told you about that when I caught you! So, now I said it. But don’t worry, if you don’t want to go in the water, it’s okay! There are fire pokémon to play with!” Vulpix was a little bit angry and annoyed, he did wanted to show he was not a wimp that is scared by water.

    “Vulpiiix!” He yelled angry and calmed down. Kevin and Ella saw that he really wanted to go in the water.

    “Well, okay then! I did not said anything then! He-he!” Did Kevin said nervous. The group continued with walking. While they were walking, Mareep and Electrike did watched in love to each other. Ella hugged her Electrike. “Electrike! I love you!” “Yeah, and for me the way around, I love you! Like Mareep loves Electrike! What cute!”
    Mareep blushed and shook her head, in an attempt to deny what Kevin just said. Kevin and Ella laughed about that, which made Mareep feel annoyed and embarrassed. But when she and Electrike both got some Pokemon food, Mareep quickly forget his annoyance.

    After Electrike got a hug from Ella, Mareep walked at her and gave her a hug as well. Kevin and Ella started hugging as well.
    When they were walking, Ella did wanted to say Kevin something. “Kevin, I’ve been thinking. Maybe we teased Mareep and Ella a little bit too much on that moment.” Ella said to Kevin.

    “What are you talking about?” he asked,

    “When we were younger, we were so annoyed when people said we are a couple.” Ella answered. “Sure, we are a couple, but we still had to discover love. Mareep and Electrike are in the same phase now, and we should respect that.”

    “I understand, you are right!” Kevin replied. “I feel so bad now, Mareep must be really angry with me. We’ll apologize to them, and not bother them with this again.” Ella agreed with that.

    So they did, they apologized to Mareep and Electrike about the teasing comments about them being in love. They told their Pokemon they wouldn’t make teasing comments anymore, and let them discover themselves whether they are in love with each other or not. Mareep and Electrike looked happy and relieved, and hugged their trainers.
    “So! Let’s go further! I see already the city!” Kevin noticed. He ran fast in the direction were he saw the city. Mareep and Electrike returned in their “Couple Walking” formation. After 5 minutes walking, they arrived at the hot spring. Kevin ran to the changing rooms, to put off his clothes and put his swimwear on and take a big jump in the water, and then a wave, that appeared by Kevin's big dive, did hit Ella, and made her so wet. Ella giggled a little bit but was also a little bit annoyed.

    “Ha-ha Kevin! Now it’s your turn!” Did she said and came also in the water and splashed some water to each other in the hot spring.

    While they were playing, Mareep and Electrike hided under a tree’s shadow, and hugged each other. Electrike did a sign for Mareep to wait on her spot. He did ran to a bush, with beautiful Gracidea’s, that are pink flowers that normal are plucked and putted in a bouquet for celebrations and it can also change a Shaymin’s form, he tried to pluck some and gave it to Mareep. Mareep was so happy when she saw it! She putted one in between her a ear and her head, and putted the other ones in her cute, and soft fluffy coat. She smiled. “Mareeeeee~” Did she said and hugged Electrike and secretly kissed him. He was happy and cheered when he received the kiss. He tried to use Thunder Wave, to make a little firework show for Mareep, his, maybe, new girlfriend. Mareep gave him a applause. When Mareep hugged him, while Electrike stopped with the show, did they fell asleep, and Mareep curled up with Electrike, what was really cute.

    While they were sleeping, Kevin and Ella are still in the hot spring, stopped for a while with playing and relaxed in the warm water. “Ah, this is relaxing…” Did Kevin said and came secretly closer to Ella. “So … Ella…I have something to tell you…”

    “What did you wanted to tell Kevin?” Replied Ella, with a big smile and blushed a little bit.

    “I… I love you Ella!” Kevin blushed. But Ella did that more. Ella was happy and relieved.

    “That was also my secret!” She said and hugged Kevin and slowly kissed him. “This… is my best day ever!” Did they both said, but then Vulpix felled in the water, and the water hurts him because he’s a fire type. He tried to swim to rescue himself, but it fails, because he never swam before.

    “VUL! Piiiiiiiiiiiiix!” Did he cried really loud. He was crying because he thought he don’t survive it. He was trying to swim with his paws and his tails, but obviously it fails, he can’t even float on the water for one second! Kevin saw that and did swam to him.

    “I’m going to save you Vulpix!” Did he said worried and swam faster and faster, until he reached him. Vulpix drowned in the water, but then Kevin dived a little bit to grab him and swam to back, to the ground around the Hot Spring, and putted him on it. Everyone that were in the area around the hot spring, surrounded them, watching in shock anf fear. Kevin tried to revive him with pushing his belly, to let him spit out the water, so he can breath. 3 minutes passed and nothing happened. Kevin cried a little bit on him. “Please Vulpix…survive it!” After a couple seconds later, a group Audino’s, Blissey’s and Chansey’s appeared with Nurse Joy and brought him to the nearest Pokémon Centre. Mareep and Electrike waked up when they heard Vulpix and the whole group hurries to the Pokémon Centre, with Ella, Kevin, Electrike and Mareep. When the kids with their pokémon arrive, Vulpix was connected to a Emergency Life-support computer, to try to make Vulpix alive again. His heartbeat was lower and lower…until….. the computer beeped long. That means his heartbeat is stopped… Kevin cried. “This cannot be! Please Vulpix! Be alive!” He cried more and putted his pokéball in his paws. Mareep gave him a Gracidea and putted it on a tail of him. Ella did cried also with the others….
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2012
  16. Not_A_Cyberbully

    Not_A_Cyberbully Claimed Gabite

    Good fic. Shadow pokemon is interesting. I'm liking this. Grammar needs some work as mentionned above.
     
  17. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    Yeah, but thanks that you are intrested! ^^

    New chapter! ^^
    Chapter 6: Mareep’s first battle!


    Nurse Joy walked to Kevin, sad and petted on his back. “I’m sorry mister Kibo, but we can stay him a little longer, in that meanwhile we going to try to make him alive…”

    “Yes!” Kevin said, while he was crying. “Please Nurse Joy! Do that! Then I think about him everyday. Until he’s restored, hopefully, we going to get all Gym Badges from this region, for him! We are then going to start with defeating the Gym Leader in Green Tree Town. That’s where Florina, the Grass Gym Leader lives.”

    “That’s correct. Oh, and here’s a gift for your Vulpix if he get alive later. A Vulpix plushy and a “Get well” card.” Said Nurse Joy and gave Kevin the stuff and he put it in his backpack. Kevin looked one moment at Vulpix’s body, hug him and go with Ella to the map on the Pokémon Centre’s wall.

    “Hmm… Green Tree Town is close to Heatblow City, just….30 minutes walking from here. But we can split the route in 2 days. On the road to Green Tree Town is a little Pokémon Centre. There can we rest. The road, that is a forest, is called the Time Forest, we must pass that forest, okay Ella?” Kevin asked to Ella. She was looking to Kevin, if she was ready. She nodded when Kevin asked if she was ready.

    “Yes Kevin, I’m ready!” Did she yelled happy! If she was born to be ready! Electrike nodded and was also happy.

    “Okay! Ella, Electrike and Mareep! Let’s go!” Kevin replied. Mareep climbed on his head, and sits on her favorite spot. The group kids walk with their pokémon to the direction of the town. While Kevin and Ella was walking like a couple, like Mareep and Electrike also do, did two trainers came out it nowhere, when they entered the route’s entrance.

    “HALT! You all may not pass! Unless you two defeat us!” Did the two persons said, and they revealed their uniforms. It looked like ripped black clothes, with a purple sign on it, that looked like a purple ninja. “We want a tag battle! Is that okay?” Did the person said. The girl took 1 Pokéball out her pocket, and the boy also took 1 Pokéball out his pocket and were ready to battle.

    “Wait Sister, what rude to don’t introduce ourselves. My name is Dracon, and my sister’s name is Roslina. We are students of the Black Ninja Pokémon school. We get learned by master ninja’s and samurai’s to train for pokémon battles.”

    “Wow! Ninja kids! Okay, I want to battle! And you Ella?” Kevin asked to Ella, she was shocked by the appearance of them, but shook her head and nods. “Okay! Let’s go! Go Mareep!” He called Mareep to battle. Mareep was happy to finally battle, for the first time! She was happy to try for the first time.

    “Go Electrike!” Did Ella yelled, while Electrike came to the battle field, and stay close to Mareep, to protect her.

    “Go Nincada!” Did the girl yelled and sent her Nincada out his pokéball.

    “Go Joltik!” Did the boy yelled and his Joltik appeared out spider web, that was made by him to block the exit and the entrance of the route, so they cannot escape for not battling.

    Kevin did not recognized the pokémon and used his Pokédex to see the information about the pokémon.

    “Nincada, the Trainee Pokémon. It grows underground, sensing its surroundings using antennae instead of its virtually blind eyes. It have a great defense, so it can take easily hits without getting really hurt bad. Joltik, the Attaching Pokémon. Joltik that live in cities have learned a technique for sucking electricity from the outlets in houses. They attach themselves to large-bodied Pokémon and absorb static electricity, which they store in an electric pouch.” Did the Pokédex said.

    “Mareep! Use your Thundershock on Nincada!” Did Kevin commanded. Mareep hugged Electrike, and used Thundershock on Nincada, the little lightning of Mareep got hit by the lightning, but Nincada get not affected because his type is Electric and Ground.

    “Use your Tackle Electrike!” Did Ella commanded to Electrike. Electrike nodded, kissed Mareep on her cheek and used Tackle on Joltik. He came fast to Joltik to give him pain with pounding him with his whole body. Joltik dodged it and listen to his trainer.

    “Joltik! Use your Electroweb on Mareep!” Did the boy commanded to his Joltik and made a web with electricity on it and put it on Mareep, covering her whole body and her eyes. Mareep was crying because it hurt Mareep’s eyes. “Mareeeeeep!” Did she cried out.

    “Nincada! Use your Secret Power on that Electrike!” Did the girl commanded. Nincada jumped on Electrike and release a glow of his body, to hit Electrike and he got asleep.

    “Mareep! Use your Iron Tail to free yourself! Then use again Iron Tail on Nincada!” Did Kevin said to Mareep worried. Mareep stand up, her tail changed to iron for a moment, to break the web and jumped on Nincada and used Iron Tail on it. Nincada collapsed when he got hit. He was easily defeated. The girl returned her Nincada in her pokéball.

    “Nincada! You did your best. Bro, defeat them!

    “Yes sis! Joltik! Do now Bug Bite on Mareep!” Did the boy commanded, and Joltik jumped in the air, land on Mareep and tried to bite her. But Mareep shook her body and used on her own command without she known that she could that attack, she made a ball of electricity on her tail and launch it on Joltik, to make defeating him. “Oh no! Joltik! You did also a great job!” Did the boy said sad and he healed his Joltik, and the Joltik climbed on his head, and had fun in the battle.

    “Mareep! What was that kind of attack!?” Did Kevin said shocked. Then his Pokédex zoomed. Kevin took the Pokédex and put it on.

    “Mareep tried the move Electro Ball, she is still mastering the move, because she gained one level, so she’s at this moment Level 28.” Said the Pokédex. Mareep was happy and hugged her trainer.

    “Well well, thank you for the battle. In exchange you two may train in our school’s training centre. To let Mareep master her Electro Ball.” Did offered the boy. Kevin and Ella accepted that.

    “Thank you for giving us the offer! We accept it!”

    “Alright, then follow us!” did the boy replied, walking with the whole group, including his sis, to his school, to let Ella and Kevin training the pokémon of them. The school building was a big dojo for ninja students. The big screen-door was closed. The boy and sister knocked on it. “Sensei, we are back. We have two new friends, they want to train their pokémon here in our trainings centre, may we permission for them?” did the brother said, but their sensei did not replied. The students were worried and opened the screen. It looked like a strong tornado crossed here, but nobody was there. But the whole group heard mumbling and quiet voices.

    “Shut up you all! Give your pokémon to us! So that we can use that for our evil plans!” Did a deep male voice sounded. It came from the basement. Kevin, Ella, and the brother and sister ran to the basement, they saw a grunt from Team Yami, that tied up the students and the sensei from the school on a wall. He took the poké balls of the students.
    “Hey! Stop you pokémon thief! Give the students’ pokémon back!” Kevin said angry. The grunt heard that and called a Throh from one pokéball he thieved from the students. Kevin used Mareep to battle the grunt.

    “Throh! Use Seismic Toss on that Mareep!” commanded the grunt. Throh did received his command and throw Mareep high, then she felled to the ground, with heavy damage...

    Survive Mareep that hit? Can Kevin rescue the kids and the sensei? To be continued!

    From today, we get a PM list to follow my fic. If you are on that list, then the followers get a PM of me that says when a new chapter is released.
     
  18. Interrupt

    Interrupt INTERRUPTING COW

    Wow, this is really cool! Another Shadow Pokémon fic! I have on too, but it hasn't gotten to the Shadowmon part yet. *blush* It's well written, but it could use a Grammar Nazi concentration camp, if you ask me.

    I agree. LOVIE TIEMS!! o3O
     
  19. Trickster Zorua

    Trickster Zorua AMUSING STARTER FTW

    ^Thank you! And lol. :p
     
  20. Mrmuffin123

    Mrmuffin123 First Male Swiftie

    I like the fifth chapter, the twist was really good!
     
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