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The Runics (Pg-13)


Mud in my veins
I won't be updating this regularly because I've got a lot too do. But here's the first chapter. I hope you enjoy it. :)

Chapter 1: The Mountains

David pressed his back to the tree.
He took in air quietly as he looked out the corner of his eye.
The beast was heading toward him.
He readied his legs, strengthening his stance and pushing against the tree with his hands. He stopped breathing and relaxed his body. The beast was headed toward him and there was nowhere to run.

David collided with his dad’s chest as he gave him a hug. His mom was next and he held her tight.
He took it all in, all over again. The oaky scent wafting through the halls, the bright colors painted on every wall to make you feel at welcome, and the caring parents he’d have to say goodbye to for a while. He was taking it all back in—
Before he left.
He let go of his mom and bent down to give his little sister a hug. He was leaving again and he wanted them all to know he loved them. He squeezed his little sister so tight and felt a tear trickle down his cheek.
“I love you and I’ll miss you.” He gripped her shoulders and looked at her face. She smiled and they hugged again.
A orange dog pushed up against him as he let go of his sister. He looked at Growlithe and smiled. He clenched her fur in his hands and hugged her too. He was going to miss them.
He stood up to say goodbye one last time, then he walked out the door, turning his head to look back again. He could see his dad’s Growlithe standing at the doorway, wagging her tail and whimpering. It was sad to say goodbye to them.
They all watched as he walked to the street’s corner and boarded the tram.

The beast turned back toward the water’s edge.
It roared.
David took this as his chance. The beast was looking the opposite way and this could be his only opportunity to make a run for it.
He pushed from the tree and dashed across the forest floor, not caring that his feet were crackling against the dead leaves. He leaped over vines and logs, dashed around trees and –
The beast roared again.
Thuds were shaking the earth.
His heart was banging in his chest.
He strained his muscles; pushing for a way out.
A way out of trouble.
A way to live.
He felt like giving up because his muscles were so tired, so very tired.
He knew he wouldn’t make it.
He knew it.
So he stopped.
And lay there.

David paid the driver with two coins and took a seat near the front. He set his bag down on the seat next to him and leaned against the window.
“Hey, I just washed those.”
He looked around and saw a man looking at him with a long scraggly beard. He was holding a mop in his right hand and a plastic bag was under his seat.
“Sorry.” David said lifting his head from the window.
The tram stopped a couple more times and let on some more passengers. No one sat next to him. Then the tram finally stopped at the station and everyone got off.
David stepped onto the cement and looked around. Barely anyone was there. No one almost. Every now and then a person would pass by. Sometimes with a child. Sometimes with two. David started walking and soon found a bench where he could rest until his train arrived.
He looked down at the white ticket in his hand. Writing was scribbled on it - a signature maybe? – and some was printed on it. It read: A10 seat 105. David couldn’t read the signature.
He stuffed the ticket into his pants pocket and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes.

David could feel the earth vibrating.
The beast was getting closer. Then he was enveloped in darkness.
A shadow; the beast’s shadow.
He shivered as a slimy substance slid over his leg. It was heavy and when he tried to get up, he couldn’t. His limbs felt like rubber. He couldn’t move, but only feel the ooze slide across his body. Then something else touched him.
It felt like a snake. He turned to see multiple vines wrapping around his body. They were dark green and were slithering out from the beast like animals. Like snakes. Then he could feel the thorns cut through his clothes and scrape against his skin. He could feel the warmth of blood smear against his body. The vines now had a tint of red on them, long swathed of crimson tarnished over the green like frosting.
He winced.
He screamed.
Then he felt himself leave the ground.
It was fast.
The ground was feet below him now.
He could see the dark red spot of where he lay. The crimson tinted earth on which the beast caught him.
A slimy vine slid over his face and everything went black.

He felt a hand tap against his shoulder.
His eyes opened to a woman leaning in a bit too close to him.
“You’re ticket fell out of your pocket mister.” She held the white slip in her hand. “I believe you’ll be needing this.”
“Oh, thanks.” David took the ticket from her.
“I looked and we’re going to the same place.” She sat down next to him. “I’m Lilian. You can call me Lily.” She held out her hand.
Was he supposed to shake it?
He did.
“So why’re you going into the mountains?” She looked away and at the large monitor on the wall that had the arrival times and the departure times. “Family?”
David shook his head.
“The preservation?” She looked back at him.
He nodded.
“You don’t talk much, do you.”
“I do, I just don’t know you.”
“Oh, I understand.” She looked back out at the monitor. Their train number popped up. “Time to go. See ya in Hima Town.”
David grabbed his bag and stood up, walking onto the train.

It was dark.
Not to mention quiet.
Where was he?
He could hear the faint sound of water dripping and the fainter sound of running water. A river?
He sat up and saw that he was still wrapped in vines. He managed to get his body in a more comfortable position and looked around.
It was hard to see, it was so dark.
He could barely see the outlines of the rocks. He saw that a lot of algae was growing on them and overgrown plants covered most of the floor. It was obvious he was near or in the forest. But how far in? How long has he been asleep?
Then he heard footsteps.
He leaned back and closed his eyes.

He moved to a man and showed him his ticket. The man pointed toward a sign on the far end of the train. David thanked the man and headed toward the sign.
When he reached the sign that was marked with the letter A, he searched the seats for the number 105. He found it and sat down, resting his head on the window.
No one told him to get off of it.

They were in the mountains now, tall peaks rising high above everything else littered with snow-covered forests, teamed with wildlife. He enjoyed the scenery, untouched by society, besides the one town on the mountain’s edge. It was built as a nature reserve and soon after a charming couple moved there. Now it’s Hima Town, population: 58.
David looked out the window as they crossed a narrow bridge. It was a hundred foot drop to the whitewater rapids below. The water lashed about spraying the foam at the jagged rocks embedded into the ground. No one was dumb enough to ride those; you wouldn’t live through two minutes of it.
The train crossed the bridge and the faint screech of metal on metal was gone, reverted to the silent sound of metal on wood.
The train tracks were made of wood in the mountains; it was ‘good for the environment’. The builders used the strongest wood to build them and they’ve been running for over twenty years now. Builders come out once a year to replace some pieces.
Everything suddenly darkened and some people were scared.
The intercom clicked on.
“Everything’s okay people, we’re just headed through the forest.”
The intercom clicked off.
Everyone resumed their train ride without a care for the darkness.
Pretty soon the train came to a halt at another train station and people got off. It was a part of the nature reserve. People paid to go there and walk around, enjoy the scenery. The doors shut and the train left, running its course into the mountains to the next town.
David watched the beauty of the mountains.
The dark green pine, the oak, the maple, it was beautiful.
They passed a lake that was surrounded with cherry blossoms. The ground was littered with pink petals and so was the lake. Cattails sprouted at the water’s edge, and the surface of the lake reflected the perfect view of the snowcapped mountains. The lake was also plentiful with lily pads, some of the pads were Lotad, either hiding or resting. Some of the Lotad were giving Pokémon a ride across the water. The animals were in such harmony, it was peaceful to watch them.
About half an hour later, the train stopped and the doors opened.
They arrived at Hima Town.
David stepped off and onto the cool earth, taking the fresh air in and smiling.


Mud in my veins
No one's posting.
Please, can someone tell me how it is?
Here's the second chapter. It's kind of short, but I didn't want a lot in it.

Chapter 2: The Preservation

The beast stood over David.
A batch of vines lashed out and covered him, strengthening the bind. The beast roared and walked off in the direction of the running water. He could feel the slight bulge in his pocket; the pokéball. But he couldn’t dig his hand in and grab it. He was hopeless. No way out. No hope of survival unless he could cut the vines and escape.
He exhaled a deep breath and closed his eyes, something he did often to calm himself.
He listened to the gentle plop of water and tried to fall asleep.

David stepped underneath the forest canopy.
He walked down the rugged dirt path and through the tiny streaks of dithered light seeping through the treetops. He smiled when he saw a couple of Mudkip playing in the bubbling brook. He even sat down and watched them, enjoying the nice cool weather and the slight humming noise of the bug Pokémon as they passed by. After a while the Mudkip noticed him and swam downstream. With that, he left and continued down the path.
He walked leisurely, holding the straps of his bag in his hands and peering through the spacious foliage of the preservation. He soon got to a deviation in the path. There was a neatly carved sign lodged in-between the fork, saying Left took you to the Greenhouse and Right took you to the Aviary. He went right.
The route to the Aviary was short; about a five minute walk. Three minutes down the route he passed a picket fence. Four minutes down the path he passed a Welcome sign. He reached the Aviary in those five minutes and found himself standing in front of a rather small building. He walked inside and up to a counter.
“Is this the aviary, Ma’am?” David asked placing his hands on the counter.
“Yes. Why yes it is.” She was a tan brunette woman with long curly locks. She smiled beautifully and her blue eyes sparkled. “How may I help you?”
“Uh…” David pulled out his train ticket. “Um, this man wanted to see me about something urgent?” David pointed to the smudged signature.
The lady took it in her hands. “I’ll be back, just; can you wait her for a moment?”
David nodded and leaned against the wall, staring at the ground and then closing his eyes.
He could hear the lady open and close a door, then everything was silent again, everything but the faint squawk of a bird and the low crackle of the heater.

David groaned and strained to free himself from the heap of vines.
He heard a roar and felt the vines grow tighter and the slimy essence of another sliding around his neck. He gritted his teeth and wanted to scream, but knew that would attract the beast and possibly get him killed. Why was he here?
He felt a vine slide across his hand and the thin thorns tearing away flesh. The blood trickled down his fingers and smeared the vine with crimson. He jerked his head back and his muscles tensed more. He wanted to scream oh so much! Oh so very much! He wanted to let his voice ricochet through the cavern halls and carry on through the world. He wanted someone to hear him, to listen to his scream and save him from this treachery.
So he screamed.

After a while of waiting, the lady appeared.
She told him that the man was waiting for him on the cliff and wanted to speak to him. So he followed her and she led him to an old man with a short, but scraggly, beard. He had a slightly gray hat on and a slightly gray blazer. He was wearing a red and white plaid flannel underneath.
The man was staring out at the large valley below. The preservation was on the mountain, one of the tallest in all the world. The Aviary was on the edge of the mountain and this side of the mountain was a steep drop-off into the beautiful valley below. They had lifts that got you down there.
“Hello, there. I’m Dr. Parker. I’ll be advising you over the next four to five weeks.”
“Ad-advising me?” David stammered. “On what?”
“So it seems you haven’t got my message.” He stood there and breathed through his thick gray beard.
“No.” David stepped up and stood beside him. “No, I haven’t.”
“Well, do you know why you’re here?”
“No, but I do know you’re one of the greatest researchers in the world, so I knew it had to be important.”
“Good then.” He turned to him. “But bad at the same time. Well then I’ll start with a ‘My name’s Dr. Parker’.” He reached out his hand and David shook it. “I am the top researcher in this region. I was interested ever since I met a researcher to be in this type of business. It was so very exciting to meet this man, that I strived to be one of the best.” He started walking on the edge of the cliff and I followed. “I started studying the basic principles of Pokémon, how they evolved, etcetera, etcetera, then one day, when exploring with my research team in a tropical forest, I happened upon a tomb like no other. A tomb so magnificent, that it gave me a new process to research: The Guardians of all Pokémon.
“I knew that this idea would unravel many years of researching and then I heard of ruins in the heart of this forest…” he trailed off. “And that’s where you come in my boy!” he gripped David’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “I want you to go and give these ruins a visit.”
David stared back at him.
This man had to be out of his mind.

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Eyes. Meet wall of Text.

Wall of Text, crit Eyes for 50k damage.

Have you read the rules, have you read the Advice thread? Because writing like this makes it seem like you've done niether. You don't properly format sentences or paragraphs or even lines of text, leaving them in bulked up walls which never acomplishes anything.

The beast stood over David.
A batch of vines lashed out and covered him, strengthening the bind.

Is a bit yawn inducing.

The beast stood over David.

Hot, rotten breath covered him, his face, further blinding his senses as his mind realed from the pain in his eyes and the gut wrenching stink filling his nose.

Blinded by just a simple breath, David didn't see the multitude of vines appear from the beast. They lashed out, striking his body, covering him and seemed to start to choke the breath out of him whenever a pained cry escaped.

A bit more description. A bit more thought. A bit more emotion, and you have a truly gripping scene.

Overall this is confusing, flat and bland and I suggest you go read those two threads, get a writing program and take time to write your next chapter/revise these.


Mud in my veins
I take as much crit as I can get. As long as it helps. And this will. Thanks. I didn't really try so hard because it's a fanfic, but I think I make them better before I move on. I thought I should add more description.