The Saga of Heroes, Chapter 1: The Saga Begins.

[Morpher01]

Inspired by Ledian X's fic, Starbolts: New Beginnings, this fic is yet another superhero fic (one doesn't see many fics that just jump out and yell "I'm a superhero fic"), starring superheroes from many places, including my own mind. I'll post chapters weekly, that sound good?


I'll put the prologue right now. Enjoy!




Prologue.



Many superheroes have their origin stories: getting bit by a radioactive spider, caught in the path of Gamma Rays, mutated by a space cloud, even inhaling mutagenic gas.

Some superheroes are even aliens: beings from another world, such as the Teen Titan known as Starfire, or the superfast Hedgehog known as Sonic, or even the Kryptonian called Superman.

Supervillains have their origin stories, too. Some have the same origins as the heroes they face, such as Dr. Doom, archenemy of the legendary Fantastic 4. Others are evil aliens, such as Venom and Carnage, the sybiotic enemies of the web-slinging superhero called Spider-man.

One of those origins applied to one boy. He was called Sharkimus...

And he was a half-human, half-shark.

You see, Sharkimus was ripped open by a shark that had been exposed to some sort of gas. Leftover radiation from the shark's teeth had seeped into his body, rendering him unconcious.

The next morning, Sharkimus found himself in a hospital, and he saw his X-rays. They showed that his lungs had mutated, allowing him to breathe underwater. He looked in the mirror to find that he had grown a fin on his back, and his teeth had become sharper. But the most noticeable thing about him was that his skin had turned a greyish hue, the color of a shark's skin.

After witnessing a murder at the hands of a burgalar, Sharkimus realized that his power...was to be used to help people, and stop evil.

Little did he know that he was being watched, everywhere he went. The someone watching him always wore a trench coat with a large, bowling-pin shaped hat.

After the stranger watched Sharkimus enter a hotel, he boarded a train headed for an area called the Mystic Ruins.

Once there, he went deep into the jungle, and came upon a large, metal tube leading to an enormous base surrounded by thousands of spotlights. The stranger punched a code into a datapad mounted on the left side of the door, and went inside.

There, he saw a machine making a robot. He also saw two stasis pods, each one containing a hedgehog-like robot.

He headed for an egg-shaped man and a grey, short robot overseeing the construction of a robot. The man turned around, revealing a face holding a large, bushy, brown mustache, and saw the stranger.

"Ah, you have returned. What is your news, Geeko?"

Geeko, who was revealed to be the stranger, removed his clothing, revealing himself to be a yellow robot with thin, brown limbs.

"Doctor Eggman," Geeko said. "Robert Shark has been mutated by a radioactive shark! He has just gone into the Station Square Hotel!"

"Very interesting." said Dr. Eggman, who was the egg-shaped man. "Perhaps it is time to put our first world domination plan into action. We shall begin as soon as the last E-100 series robot is finished."

"Doctor, what if Sonic, or some other superhero, foils your plans?" asked the small grey robot.

"Well then, Boko." replied the evil doctor. "Then, my robots will destroy him, her, or anyone else!

*******

Eggman and Sharkimus are just the first couple of supers to appear. A lot more will appear later on.

Read, review and rate!

 

[katiekitten]

Well, it sounds ok, but it is a kinda typical story. With Ledian X, he let us get to know the characters, giving a detailed history. Vould use a bit more history here. Who was Robert before? I wold have gone to third person just after the shark attack, when he first discovered he was a mutant. Have his mother tell him, make him a little afraid.

"Robert Shark has been mutated by a radioactive shark! He has just gone into the Station Square Hotel!"

Why would they care who Robert Shark was, why were they keeping tabs on him? He didn't have any powers before, or I think he doesn't. They wouldn't automatically know that he was going to mutate, would they?

"Very interesting." said Dr. Eggman, who was the egg-shaped man. "Perhaps it is time to put our first world domination plan into action. We shall begin as soon as the last E-100 series robot is finished."

Not exactly the best super vilan speech I have seen. No offence, but they wouldn't simply state it like that. Maybe you could be more imaginative, giving hints to what he was planning. Just a thought.

Interesting idea, but could use some work. Good Luck!

 

[Ledian_X]

Okay..

Well, I'm flattered that I've inspired you to create your own shark-like superhero and I see a lot of potential for Sharkimus. But, there's something about the prologue that doesn't add up. Just let me help and we can move on. Let me give you some pointers. You have a good premise but it needs tweaking.

For starters, radioactivity has been used a lot in comics and nowadays people want to see different origins for their heroes. Also, people like good, long descriptions about the characters they are reading. Good bios and descriptions of the surrounding go a long way.

You just can't say "He was born in a hospital." You need for your intents and purposes something descriptive. You need something the people can see in their heads. The sights, smells everything. Character development is cruical to a superhero story or any kind. So that sentence would become:

"He was born at Saint Peter's Hospital in New York City on a cold, rainy April day. Upon birth, his parents noticed..."

As you can see, there's a lot of meat there. You want to add meat to the description. It gives the story life! You also might want to look at MS Word and use that for spelling and grammar. You have the makings of something interesting but the skeletons are a little scary.

I do have a question though, why did you choose the Sonic Adventure universe as the backfdrop of the story? If this is an original character and not a crossover, I would suggest a different setting. But, if this is a crossover, then it is fine. But, before you do so, you have to look at the villians and try to make them as deep as you can. Give them great sounding, meaty dialog and description. You need to describe as best as you can.

So, just follow that advice and you should be okay. If you need any help, feel free to pm me.

That's all I have to say.

LX

 

[Power Shot]

Yeah, me too. I thought the fic could use work, even though I'm still new at comic writing. First off, I saw little originality when it came to the actual back story at all. The radioactive is done over and over, something new needs to be done to make this fic unique. That is why Starbolts is so interesting, you've seen the ideas before, but something is new. The story, the characters, the plot, all important aspects when it comes to writing comics.

 

[Morpher01]

Katiekitten: Now, now, KK...you can't just expect me to spoil the whole plot right at the beginning, can you? But trust me, Eggman's plot will be revealed in time. Also, yes, I probably should have made Eggman sound meatier.

Ledian_X: Yeah, its a crossover. And, as I told KK, I should have made Eggman meatier. *pictures Eggman twice as fat as normal* Uh...wrong meatier. Oh, and you can't expect me to nail it on the first try, right? I know radioactivity was WAY overused, but I couldn't think of anything else that could mutate someone into a shark person. Plus, because my normal computer needs a new video card and fan, I have to use a real old one, which doesn't have Microsoft Word.

Power Shot: Is your name based off the attack from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic? But, anyway, as I've told LX, I couldn't think of anything else that could mutate someone into a shark person.


I'll try to make Chapter 1 better than the prologue, since I know it left a lot to be desired.

 

[Morpher01]

Chapter 1!

Chapter 1 is up. It was around 5 pages on Microsoft Word, 6 if you count the stars at the end.



Chapter 1:



The Mystic Ruins was a tropical place, the only parts of technology coming from a train that goes to Station Square and Eggman’s base in the jungle.

A train had just stopped here and blue hedgehog that seemed somewhat humanoid emerged from it. The hedgehog was about the size of a human child, with green eyes. It was wearing red shoes and white gloves.

This blue hedgehog was Sonic, a world-renowned hero. His special power was the ability to run at the speed of sound, even breaking through the sound barrier if he went fast enough.

Sonic leapt off the wood scaffolding he had come on, landing on the sandy ground without a problem. He had come to see his best friend, Miles “Tails” Prower.

Tails was given his nickname because, unlike other foxes, he had two tails. This allowed him to fly, granting him the ability to reach places that even Sonic couldn’t.

Sonic ran up stone steps mounted on the side of a hill, and reached a plateau that was right near Tails’ house. He suddenly stopped, surprised by what awaited him.

It was not Tails, but a robot.

The robot resembled a giant metallic, yellow scorpion, except that it had a drill where a scorpion’s deadly stinger would be.

“This is weird."Sonic thought. “Tails said he’d meet me on the plateau outside his house. What’s going on?”

A pod-like vehicle was hovering near the scorpion robot. In that pod was none other than…

“Eggman!” cried Sonic. “Where’s Tails?!”

“Hahahahahaaaa!!!!” laughed the evil scientist. “Do you really think I’m going to tell you, you fool rodent?! Kill him, E-124!”

The scorpion robot obeyed, lurching towards Sonic on its six metallic legs. Sonic, however, ran right by it, unimpressed.

“That all you got, Dr. Egghead?” he wisecracked.

“Not even close, wise guy.” retorted Eggman.

E-124 turned around, then shot the drill on top of its tail at Sonic. The supersonic hedgehog leapt above the drill, landed on E-124’s head, bent over, then made a face at the scorpion robot.

E-124, obviously angry, retracted its drill, then attempted to plunge it through Sonic. Sonic, however, leapt out of the way once again, leaving E-124’s drill to pierce the robot’s head.

The head, however, suddenly shot off from the body. The scorpion robot then reared up on its hind legs, becoming much bigger than Sonic. The head, which had been propelled by some sort of rocket built into it, landed on the newly-transformed body of E-124.

“So, hedgehog…” taunted Eggman. “How do you like E-124’s transformation? Does it scare you? Does it make you wish you had pants you could wet?”

“Heh,” laughed Sonic. “It doesn’t even look like it would scare Cream!”

Cream was another friend of Sonic. She is a six-year old rabbit, which was very young. Everywhere Cream went, her Chao cheese went with her.

“Well, then.” said the evil doctor. “Let’s see if it can scare you after you get a taste of its power. Attack, E-124!”

E-124 obeyed once again, firing its claws at Sonic. The blue hedgehog was much too fast, however, and easily dodged the claws.

Sonic then curled up into a ball, spun around at high speed, then flung himself at E-124. E-124 tried to block it, but its claws had not been retracted just yet. Sonic penetrated the robot, leaving a gaping hole as he emerged from the robot’s back. E-124 then self-destructed, leaving a pile of scrap where a robot used to be.

“Ha!” laughed Eggman, unfazed by his robot’s destruction. “Even though you beat E-124, you still won’t foil my master plan.”

“And just what is your ‘master plan”’, Eggman?” asked Sonic, curling his fingers as if they were quotation marks when he said “master plan”.

“Hahahahaha!!!” laughed the diabolical doctor. “You really think I’ll tell you?! Hahahahahahahaaaaa!!!!”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do, doctor Eggbrain.”

“Oh ho! You think you’re real clever, don’t you, Sonic?” said the evil doctor, pointing at Sonic with his gloved hand. “Well, the next time we meet, you won’t be near as clever enough to survive.”

Eggman flew off in his pod, and Sonic continued towards Tails’ house.

"Maybe Eggman just wanted to get to me by saying he wouldn't tell me where Tails is." thought Sonic. "Maybe he's trying to trick me.

He knocked on the door. No answer.

“Tails?” Sonic called. He knocked again. “Tails?” he called again.

Tails was missing, and Sonic needed to find him. And he knew just the one for the job.

Sonic ran off the plateau, and into a cave surrounded by rocky debris. A large hole with strong winds blowing upwards from it awaited Sonic. He jumped in, and was brought to another part of Mystic Ruins.

Once inside, Sonic ran down a long pathway, and eventually found a door. He opened it, and, with confidence that one of his other friends would help him, went through.

He found himself on an area connected to Mystic Ruins. This was Angel Island, an island that usually floats in the air, courtesy of the power of a large gem known as the Master Emerald.

Currently, however, the island was connected to Mystic Ruins, which wasn't that usual.

Sonic ran across a bridge leading to the actual island, and it was there he found who he was looking for.

He found his friend, Knuckles the echidna.

Knuckles was a red echidna with dreadlocks, purple eyes, white boxing gloves with spikes on the smallest and larges knuckles of one’s fist, and red, yellow and green shoes.

“Hey, Knuckles!” called Sonic.

“Yo, Sonic!” replied Knuckles. “I thought you were visiting Tails. What are you doing here?”

“Tails is missing.” explained Sonic. “He said he’d meet me on the plateau of his house, but all I found there was a battle with another one of Eggman’s robots.”

“Let me guess. You need my help because I’m the world’s greatest treasure hunter, and that I’m good at finding things, just like that time when Eggman tried to use the ARK to destroy Earth.” said Knuckles.

The ARK was a space colony, the first created by mankind. It was here that Eggman’s grandfather, Gerald Robotnik, created a weapon of mass destruction known as the Eclipse Cannon.

Sonic gave Knuckles the thumbs-up sign. “Nice guess.” the blue hedgehog said.

Knuckles sighed, then said “All right. Chaos will protect the Master Emerald while I’m away, so I’m pretty much good to go.”

Chaos was a liquid life-form that Eggman once tried to use to destroy Station Square. He was the guardian of the Chao, but Knuckles’ original race had all been killed because their chief tried to take the Chao’s home. Chaos had nearly destroyed Station Square, but Sonic had stopped him. Chaos was now living inside the Master Emerald along with an orange echidna named Tikal.

“All right. Where should we start looking?” asked Sonic.

“Did you check Tails’ house?” Knuckles asked.

“Yeah. When I asked Eggman where Tails is, he said he wouldn’t tell me.” replied Sonic.

“Huh.” grunted Knuckles. “Maybe Eggman knows where Tails is. Let’s go to his base in the Mystic Ruins jungle and make a house call.”

With that, the two friends went off in search of the young fox, positive that Eggman was somehow behind this.

*****

Meanwhile, in the Station Square Hotel, Sharkimus was about to get a visitor both uninvited and unexpected.

His room seemed secure, but that didn’t stop a strange robot from getting in. The robot went in, sticking to the shadows.

It saw the shark-person, who in turned, saw it in the shadows.

“Who’s there?” asked Sharkimus. “Come out, now!”

The robot did not obey. Instead, it ran behind Sharkimus with amazing speed, then put some sort of metal headband on Sharkimus’ head. After the band was in place, the robot stepped back as far as it could go.

An electrical impulse shot from the headband into Sharkimus' body. It had the same effect as a tazer, electrifying the superhero to subdue him.

“Gah!” cried Sharkimus, pain caused by the electrical impulse shooting through his body. He then fainted, successfully subdued by the heaband-like tazer.

The robot stepped out of the shadows, revealing itself to be a robotic version of Sonic. The main difference was, this robot’s eyes were black, with a red pupil in each one.

This robot was one of the ones in the two stasis pods in Eggman’s Mystic Ruins base. It was Metal Sonic, one of Eggman’s elite forces.

Metal Sonic picked up Sharkimus, then ran out, a jet on its back propelling the metal hedgehog forward.

Metal Sonic jetted out of the Hotel, still carrying Sharkimus. It boarded the train headed for the Mystic Ruins, spectators watching believing the robot to be the real Sonic.

At the Mystic Ruins, Metal Sonic immediately jetted into the mine cart leading to the jungle. Once there, the Sonic imposter used its jet to fly past all the jungle trees, right to Eggman’s base.

Metal Sonic pressed a code into the number pad as Geeko had done, then went inside.

There was something different about the Mystic Ruins Base. There were still two stasis pods, but the black hedgehog robot was gone. In its place, however, was the limp form of a two-tailed, humanoid fox, namely…

…Miles Prower, also known as Tails.

“Ah, you have returned, Metal Sonic.” said Eggman, pleased with what the imposter Sonic had brought him. “I see you have brought Robert Shark, or Sharkimus as he is called now. And you have the headband on him! Perfect! Now put him in the stasis pod next to the one that Tails is in.”

Metal Sonic obeyed, placing the unconscious body of Sharkimus inside the stasis pod that Metal himself had been in. The pod closed, and Metal Sonic stepped back, seemingly marveling at the unconscious form of the shark superhero.

“Quit staring at Sharkimus, Metal, and get over here and help me with E-125!” commanded Eggman.

Metal Sonic obeyed, jetting over to help the evil doctor with another of his dark creations…

********

Read, review and rate!

 

[katiekitten]

Meh, I'm not a fan of sonic. Maybe you should put a little warning at the beginning, so people know that it includes him. Just a thought...
Onto the review!

Better than the prologue, if you have a reason for keeping tabs on Sharkimus before, than it is fine by me. It just sounded a little dubious at first, but fine...

Maybe could use more description, with the places. Also, I don't really know echidna is, maybe if you described Knuckles a little more, I'll be able to see it. Just a thought.

Good length, well done on that. Didn't see any problems with the spelling and grammer, another plus. *gives a thumbs up*

Well thats all, so until next time!

 

[Morpher01]

katiekitten: Hey, don't worry. Plenty of other heroes besides Sonic will show up in this fic, one of them making an appearance in this next chapter. Also, yes, my spelling and grammer are pretty good, primarily because I'm home-schooled.

And, well, I'm really not that used to describing locations yet. Believe me, I'm trying. Oh, and an echidna is an Australian anteater.



Chapter 2 is up! It was about 8 pages on Microsoft Word. Enjoy!

Oh, and in this chapter, I'll be using a couple of characters from the Ultimate Spider-Man comics. You gotta love Spidey's wisecracks.


Chapter 2:



Station Square was your basic small city: large buildings, a hotel, a few companies, and several other odds and ends.

A person in a red-and-blue suit was on top of one of the train station, crouching in a manner that suggested that this person was ready to pounce on somebody at some moment. His most noticeable feature was that he had a small insignia on his chest shaped like a spider. On his back was an insignia that resembled a large red silhouette of a spider spider.

This was Spider-Man, a superhero with the proportionate strength and agility of a spider, as well as a sixth sense that warns him of danger.

Spider-Man watched as Metal Sonic took Sharkimus into the train station.

“Well, looky here.” the arachnid-powered hero said. “Sonic the hedgehog turning to a life of crime. At least he’s not killing, just kidnapping.”

An explosion from the other side of Station Square instantly snatched the wall-crawler’s attention from the Sonic imposter.

“Uh-oh,” he said. “Better leave Sonic for now. Right now I have to see what’s up over there.”

And with that, he shot a long line of webbing towards a company building called “Cyber-Netic.” The webbing stuck, and then Spider-Man swung on it, launching himself off the web without it snapping. He shot another web at another building, then swung off that. The wall crawler kept swinging off of buildings until he reached the site of the explosion.

*******

Once Spider-Man reached the site, he beheld a sight too ugly for words. Oh, well, it has to be described anyway.

It was a green creature, about six feet tall. It had small horns sprouting out of its head, yellowed eyes full of hatred, and wearing only one article of clothing: a pair of purple pants.

But the most noticeable feature about this creature was the fiery aura that surrounded it. The aura was made of flames, making sure that the creature could not be hurt by physical combat.

A large, burnt crater marked where the explosion had taken place. In that crater was the burnt remains of a police car.

“Hey, jolly green freak show!” taunted Spidey, making the creature turn towards him. “What’s got you all hot and bothered? Did you just look in a mirror and find that you’re really ugly?”

The creature, obviously angered by this, charged a mass of flame between its green hands. It then threw the ball at the web-slinger, intent on burning the wisecracker to a crisp.

But Spidey’s spider agility kicked in, allowing the wall-crawler to dodge the fireball easily.

The creature was even more angered by this, and threw fireball after fireball at Spider-Man, each one dodged effortlessly by the web-slinger. The constant dodging made the creature angrier, causing its fiery aura to grow more intense.

The wall-crawler never gave up, however, no matter how strong the enemy. The creature threw another fireball, this one bigger than the others.

Spidey dodged it, causing the missed fireball to strike a fire hydrant. The hydrant’s “arm” burst open, sending a large blast of water at the fiery creature. The water doused the creature’s aura, making the beast vulnerable to attack. The beast then keeled over, weakened by the blast of water.

“You realize,” said Spider-Man “that if you just stand there, I’m going to hit you.”

And hit the creature he did. The wall-crawler charged right at the beast, then smacked it full in the face with his fist. Spidey then spun around, striking the beast in the side of the head with the instep of his foot. The web-slinger then spun around again, hitting the creature in the face with the bottom of his foot. The creature fell down, defeated.

Due to Spider-Man’s super strength and agility, the beast was defeated in about seven seconds.

“That, boys and girls,” said the wall-crawler “is why the Green Goblin should never roam the streets. Not only could he start a fire, but he could lose a beauty pageant hands down.”

“Nice job, Spidey.” said a police officer that had just arrived on the scene. “We’ll take care of GG.”

“No prob.” responded the wall-crawler.

And with that, the arachnid superhero shot another line of webbing at another building, then swung off again.

*******

In the Mystic Ruins, meanwhile, the real Sonic along with Knuckles had recently emerged from the tunnel that led to Angel Island.

“Eggman’s base is in the jungle, right?” asked Knuckles, unsure of where they would be going.

“Yep.” replied Sonic.

“Okay, just checking.” said the dreadlocked echidna.

The two leapt down the rocks at the tunnel’s mouth, then ran towards the mine cart that led to the jungle. But they stopped, however, at the sight of Spider-Man waiting for them.

“Hi guys.” greeted the wall-crawler. “Been abducting shark-like people lately?”

“What?” said Sonic. “I’d never abduct anyone.”

“Sure, sure.” said Spidey sarcastically. “And I suppose that the blue hedgehog that snatched a shark-like guy from the Station Square Hotel was your evil twin, right?”

“I think he saw Metal Sonic nab the shark guy and mistook him for you.” whispered Knuckles. “This guy sure is gullible.”

“More so than you?” joked Sonic.

“Hey, hey, hey!” shot back Knuckles.

“Uh, guys, hello?” said Spider-Man. “Big fight about to happen?”

“We might not get to the jungle without getting through this jerk first, Sonic.” said Knuckles. “I think we will have to fight him.”

“Huh.” grunted the superfast hedgehog. “Fine by me. Let’s go!”

The blue hedgehog and the Australian anteater rushed at the wall-crawler, while Spidey rushed at them at the very same time. Both sides were unaware that they were both being watched by a notorious villain…

*******

In Eggman’s Mystic Ruins base, a monitor had been placed between the two stasis pods. That monitor showed the three heroes battling it out with each other.

Watching that monitor was none other than Dr. Eggman, looking somewhat concerned.

“This is bad.” said the dark doctor worriedly. “If Sonic and Knuckles win, then my plans may be ruined! But if Spider-Man wins…then those two will be put out of my misery forever!

“But, I must take every available precaution.” continued the egg-shaped madman. “I must launch the Egg Carrier 3 so that I may not only escape Sonic and his pathetic friends, but I will also have more room for all the supers! Muahaha! Muahahahahahaaa!”

And with that abominable laugh, the evil, egg-shaped doctor walked into a nearby door, followed by Geeko and Boko, who were carrying the stasis pods containing Sharkimus and Tails.

******

Sonic, Knuckles and Spider-Man were still attacking each other. Knuckles threw a punch at the wall-crawler’s face, only to have it dodged by the web-slinger bending over backwards.

Sonic rushed out behind Spider-Man, then ran at him again, sticking his foot out to perform a flying kick. This also failed, however, this time because of Spidey’s Spider Sense, the sense that warns the web-head of incoming danger. Spider-Man ducked, letting Sonic crash into Knuckles.

A loud rumbling halted the battle royale, and the three looked up to see a large, red-and-yellow airship with many jet engines that spat out blue flame.

“That’s the Egg Carrier!” cried Sonic.

“Way to go, web-for-brains.” insulted Knuckles. “You just let Eggman escape on his airship, you idiot!”

“Whoop.” said Spider-Man. “Wasn’t aware of that. So, I guess you were framed, eh Sonic?”

“Took you long enough to figure that out, web-head.” replied the blue hedgehog.

“It’s hopeless.” mourned Knuckles, his spiked gloves resting their backs on the ground. “Tails is gone, and he’s the only one who knows how to pilot the Tornado! We’ll never reach the Egg Carrier now.”

The Tornado is a bi-plane, a type of airplane, that Tails built. It’s a good mode of aerial transportation, if you enjoy flying.

“Actually…” said Sonic. “there may be someone who can help us.”

“Who are you talking abo-“ Knuckles stopped in mid-sentence. “Oh no, I am NOT relying on that thieving bat for help.”

“Relax, Knuckles.” assured Sonic. “I wasn’t going to suggest Rouge.”

Rouge was, simply put, a female bat whose love for jewels has no equal, though there have been some unconfirmed rumors that she has a crush on Knuckles. She will do just about anything to get some jewels, even if it risked her own life.

“Well, then, who were you suggesting?” demanded Knuckles.

“I’m saying we should get Team Chaotix to give us a hand.” replied Sonic.

Team Chaotix was a detective agency that consisted of a purple ninja chameleon named Espio, a large, green crocodile named Vector, and a very young bee named Charmy.

“Hey, that’s right!” said Knuckles, his brain clicking the pieces into place. “And if I remember right, Eggman still owes them money!”

“Exactly.” said Sonic, giving the red echidna the thumbs-up sign. “We should head on down to Station Square and get Team Chaotix to give us a hand.”

“Mind if I tag along?” asked Spider-Man. “I kinda owe it to you guys for, well, you know…letting this ‘Eggman”’ guy escape.”

“Sure.” agreed Sonic. “Just don’t mistake an imposter robot for me again, all right?”

With that, the three rushed to the train leading to Station Square, Sonic and Knuckles immediately flying ahead of Spidey.

“Man,” panted the wall-crawler. “they sure move fast.”

And so, struggling to catch up, Spider-Man ran after his newfound friends.

*******

Back in Station Square, Sonic, Knuckles and Spider-Man had just emerged from the train station.

“Okay, where’s Team Chaotix?” Knuckles asked to himself.

“LEMME GO, LEMME GO!!” cried a high-pitched voice. “I WANNA DRIVE!!”

The trio looked to the left and saw a large crocodile with a string of brass chains on his neck, a pair of headphones on his head, white gloves and black-and-yellow shoes holding a bee with a orange jacket, a black flying helmet, white gloves and the same color shoes as the crocodile in his right hand, struggling to keep the bee from escaping. A purple chameleon with white gloves that each had a purple triangle on them, a yellow horn for a nose and a pair of purple-and-black shoes was standing near the other two, next to a red car.

This was Team Chaotix. The chameleon was Espio, the crocodile was Vector, and the bee was Charmy.

“Charmy, for crying’ out loud, you’re only six!” said the Vector. “You’re too young to drive.”

“And besides,” added Espio. “you would probably wreck the car before you even get two miles off of it.”

“Well,” said Sonic nervously. “it looks like we found them. Hey, guys!”

Vector turned his head towards where the call had come from, and his face immediately brightened up a little.

“Hey, Sonic!” Vector greeted, still with a firm hold on Charmy. “How’s it going? Wait a sec, where’s Tails?”

“Tails went missing a few minutes ago.” explained Knuckles. “We think Eggman might be behind it, since Sonic battled one of his robots outside Tails’ house in the Mystic Ruins.”

“Hmmm.” pondered Espio. “That’s a thought. But why would Eggman want to kidnap Tails?”

“Dunno.” replied Knuckles. “We’ll find out once we get to Eggman, I’ll bet.”

“You’re asking us to help you find Tails, right? No prob.” said Vector. “Was Eggman seen anywhere else besides his Mystic Ruins base?”

“We saw one of his aircraft, the Egg Carrier, get launched.” answered Sonic. “We think he might be up there.”

“We’ve got work?” asked Charmy, surprised. “YAY!!! IT’S A LOT MORE FUN THAN DRIVING!”

And with that, the hyper bee did a backflip in mid-air, freeing himself from Vector’s grasp. He then flew in front of the other two detectives and said “Come on, guys, remember that Eggman still owes us money?”

“Hey, yeah! He does!” said Vector. “Okay, we’ll help you, Sonic.”

“Great!” said the superfast hedgehog. “But we need to find a way to get to the Egg Carrier. Got any ideas?”

“We may need some kind of airship to reach the Egg Carrier.” said Espio. “But because Tails is missing, the Tornado won’t be able to get us there.”

“I think I know.” said Spider-Man for the first time in this conversation.

“You’re Spider-Man, right?” asked Vector.

“Yeah, but I don’t give autographs. Sorry.” replied the web-head. “Anyway, we might be able to have a few friends of mine give us a lift on one of their airships. They’re called the Fantastic Four, and they might be able to help us.”

“Excellent idea.” complimented Espio. “There’s only one problem: where do they live?”

“Somewhere around here.” replied the web-slinger. “You can’t miss it, their skyscraper has a big number four carved into it.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” said Vector. “Let’s look for it!”

And with that, the six heroes went off in search of the building that the world famous Fantastic Four lived in.

*******

Meanwhile, on the Egg Carrier 3, a sinister event was taking place.

The Egg Carrier’s bridge was large and roomy, with a large monitor dominating the north wall. There were three metal bridges connecting two pathways on both the right and left sides of the bridge.

In a pod in front of the monitor, Eggman was standing. Grinning in triumph, the deadly doctor looked down on Sharkimus and Tails, freed from their pods but restrained by a pair of orange robots that bore a striking resemblance to Eggman himself.

“You won’t get away with this, Eggman!” cried Tails. “I’ll escape, and tell Sonic and the others about your plans!”

“Oh, I don’t think you’ll be leaving, Tails.” said the malevolent doctor, holding up a pair of some sort of metallic headbands. “Especially after I equip you and Sharkimus with these! Muahahahaha! Muahahahahahahahahahaaaa!”

*******

Boy, do I love to end with cliffhangers! Anyway, read, review and rate!

 

[Ledian_X]

I guess I'll review this again but I warn you..I may be a tad harsh. There are some things in this chapter that don't really fall into place. But, first let's get down to the basics shall we?

You're using Spider-Man, huh? Might be a good idea to research a character before using him or her in a fic because Spider-Man doesn't really have a sixth sense that warns him of danger. It's called a spider sense and it only borders on sixth sense. But, it's not a real sixth sense. Oh and you don't really need hyphens between red and blue. Anyway, just research the hero/heroine you're using before using them so they don't sound uncharacteristic.

Also, don't repeat yourself. You might want to edit the "spider spider" part. Your description is improving very little but I would have altered Spider-Man's description to be more like this:

Perched on top of the train station, the wall-crawling hero known as Spider-Man appeare. He was wearing his trademark red and blue uniform with a webbing pattern along the red part of the suit. A small black insignia of a spider appeared on his chest, while a large one was on his back. He wore a full red mask covering his face and saw through two large white mesh-like eyes.

From under the mask, Peter Parker sighed as his spider sense warned him danger was approaching. "So much for going home to MJ, tonight." Peter thought to himself.

Also, I hope you're going to go into detail about why all these heroes from different universes are coming together. How are they sudenly appearing out of nowhere? How does Spider-Man know Sonic? But, that's semantics unless I'm missing something here.

Grammar, description and plot need to be improved a bit. I'd like to help but I've tried to help you out before and I didn't have much luck. So, I'm trying one last time to help. You don't begin sentances with 'And' by the way. Tha's poor grammar. Not meaning to be a grammar nazi but maybe you should have someone beta read these chapters.

Oh and on another note..Spider-Man wouldn't be able to beat a monster that big in such a short amount of time. Spider-Man's able to lift up to ten tons. He has enhanced agility, yes. However, he can be hurt. He's been hurt many, many times. You've made him less human. The thing I like about Spidey isn't there in the story. He doesn't grab the reader with his heart, soul and human characteristics. Spidey's the everyman in tights. He has all these powers but when it comes down to it, he's just a regular guy who got bit by a radioactive spider back in high school.

Was that thing supposed to be the Green Goblin? Are you using the Ultimate version of Spider-Man or the regular Marvel universe one? Either way, I believe the ultimate Green Goblin doesn't look like that. Meaning no purple pants. Also, how did he get to the Mystic ruins so fast? Never mind how he got to Sonic's universe in the first place.

Anyway, you have a lot of grammar, spelling and character mistakes. You need more plot, too. Everything just seems choppy. So, next you're going to use the Fantastic Four? Do yourself a favor and read up on the FF to learn their characteristics and whatnot. Oh and figure out how these heroes are randomly showing up because it makes no sense.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantastic_Four

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mister_Fantastic

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_Woman

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Torch

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thing_(comics)

Use those links above to help. Might want to also look up Green Goblin, too. Oh and for villains, you need to describe who they are, what they want and give them some personality. Oh and while you're looking into the Fantastic Four, you'll find that they don't use airships. They use something called the Fantasticar.

LX

 

[Antarctica]

Hey Morpher01, this is one good story. The marvel superheroes...so sweet! Keep it up!

 

[Silver Ryu]

A word of advice to you.

If you want to write a superhero fic, go ahead and do it.

If you want to write a Sonic fic, go ahead and do it.

But please, for the love of God, DON'T MAKE A SUPERHERO FIC SET IN THE SONIC WORLD!!!

I'm sorry for being mean, but like I said in the other thread, you really do need work.

 

[Exel 4.0]

Lets say that all books are cars. They go at fifty miles an hour. You are going at at two-hundred.

Slow the darn story down!

 

[Morpher01]

Okay, as I can tell that no one on the forums gives a **** about this fic, I'm going to PM Dragonfree so she can close it, as I cannot close this myself.

I'm going to try to restart the story, this time with a WAAAAAY more orgininal plot and villain. See it if you want, but it'll come after Dragonfree closes this.