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the sandrunner chronicles, 1, the adventure starts

Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
rated for mostly all but maybe PG due to the mild violent content
It was night in the desert that crosses between Fallabor and Lavaridge. The darkness in the night sky was as pitch black as paper is white; like the bright, blinding stars that shine so overwhelmingly bright that it appealed to even the mud lovers. A Sandshrew was looking at the stone-hard Regirocks cave, although he didn't know it was Regirocks cave. He scratched it for hours every day, using his little claws to break it, but it never worked; he could barely even dent it, until he went to hang out with his friends. "Its bedtime" said the Sandshrew’s mother. He gave a small sigh, and walked slowly to the hole. He jumped in the hole and went to sleep.

He woke up the next morning; he felt like he did any morning; tired, hungry and looking forward to another good day in the desert. He decided to take a break from the scratching to day; he just wasn’t in the mood to, he had been scratching it for years and he hadn’t had any success. He walked up to his friends to chat like they always did, it was pretty much the only thing to do in the desert, not just the desert though; but absolutely anywhere in the wild; the wild was an extremely boring place to be. Trainers had fun to have, they could train, watch T.V., co-ordinate and race on mach bikes.

It was your average day in the desert, when suddenly the group heard a massively roaring sound, Dudududududu, an earthquake. This earthquake not went on not just in the desert, but the whole of Hoenn. He stared at the cave; there were shattered stones right in the middle. "Hurry", there was confusion with in the small group of Trapinch's and Cacneas, but they decided to hurry after him any way. The perplexed Sandshrew carrying himself towards the cave as fast as his little legs could take him. “Get in there” Sandshrew shouted. He was about to rush himself into this granite cave when something extraordinary caught his eyes. A two wheeled vehicle with pedals to get it to move the oily wheels. This bicycle was going at full speed with a rather tall, green eyed trainer riding it. The earthquake had stopped, but Sandshrew had different troubles now. This Trainer was not just happily riding his bike through the desert for the sheer pleasure of cycling; he was riding after him. Sandshrew, terrified, waved his hands in the air like crazy, dashed off.

The Trainer threw a green and white ball into the air "phanpa go" it looked like lightning; Sandshrew had never seen anything like it, it astonished him. The sand was getting into the trainers brown hair; it was also messing it up; it also made his t-shirt look brown instead of red. An elephant figure was blasted from the lightning like laser beam, the figure turned into a live small sky blue elephant. He ran even faster; although the trainer was off his mach bike.

Sandshrew made it out of the desert. He gasped, and tried to get back his breath, and then he looked around the desert. He thought the trainer was gone, so he wasn’t worried any more he decided to look a little longer to make sure. Then he saw a steel bird with the trainer he was running from, riding it, "I guess I'm on the run again" the Sandshrew complained and ran off at high speed.

While the yellow sandy rat was running, he realized more problems, figures with blue bandanas, were chasing (although not so fast) after him now. Poor little Sandshrew was nearly out of breath, he had been running an insane distance for an average day. After this desert creature had ran so much to get away from the dangers trying to capture him and enslave him, he reached a ledge, the bandana people were walking slowly up to him, arms at the ready for the grab, with hell-bent faces. Sandshrews life was frightened out if his soul. He thought he would be captured and enslaved for the rest of his entire life (not sure that it would last for an awful lot longer) when suddenly "it's over admiral." Huh, came from the bandana guys, as they were confused, they turned their heads around to look behind them; it was the trainer trying to catch Sandshrew. "Rose go!” a plant with roses on the side figure came out of the lightning from a red and white pokeball and this pokemon came out. Sandshrew shot his tiny body through the bandana guys, this made a scar on some of these criminals, and ran to the trainer, froze, and turned around, he was parallel to the Roselia, and the trainer was suprised to see the sandshrew by his side. "Hmm" the admiral grabbed his chin and stared at the sky for thoughts. "Peter!" "Yes sir?" Peter nodded "take care of this.... Meddler for me, all other grunts-" "yes sir!!" all the lower ranked bandana guys shouted sternly and lowered their heads quite low; and lifted them up again. "Oh man!" the admiral complained closing his eyes on his forehead and he lifted them "just go to sootopolis! Plan A may not work." He shouted, pointing strictly. A Pelliper flew out of a pokeball and the grunts all jumped on it. The Admiral got on a mach bike and rode to MT. Chimney.

The trainer stared at Peter. He was ready for battle alright, Rose was getting bored, she had been standing in her personal battle stance for ages, and But Sandshrew was patient to fight. He had realized that this trainer was not trying to capture him; but was trying to protect him. Sandshrew could wait for a decade to fight. Peter sent out a Wingull and a Surskit. "Let the battle begin." Sandshrew scratched the Surskit without orders, "Rose, take out the Surskit, he's already weakened by the Sandshrew, with mega drain. A Green blob appeared in front of Rose; it divided and made another green blob. The Surskit looked injured but squirted a bit of water over orders, it hurt the Sandshrew. The Wingull wipped up a wind with its wings and hurt the Sandshrew more. They are definetely worried about this Sandshrew the trainer thought. "Scratch" Sandshrew obeyed and finished off the Surskit. The Surskit span around and fainted, he was struck by the pokeball lighting back into the pokeball. Rose mega drained the Wingull. The Sandshrew jumped grabbed it by the tail and slammed on the floor causing it to get knocked out. Peter hesitated "I better runaway, Siege will be furious" "Siege?" The trainer was confused. "Admiral Siege! You know him? Don't you?" Peter was surprised "Errr! Why am I talking to the enemy?! Go! I'm off" Peter dashed off on his way to MT chimney.

The trainer took a deep breath, and exhaled. He knelt down and slowly put his hand on Sandshrews head "What's your name little fella." "Huh?" Sandshrew asked, it sounded like nothing more than a Sandshrews' cry to the trainer, "What?” The trainer scratched his head with a confused face. "Oh, silly me" the trainer laughed, with his hand on his forehead. He got out a mysterious battery-run unit in the shape of a rectangle. "Come here Sandshrew" gesturing with his hand in case Sandshrew Didn't understands, but he did understand. He walked slowly and cautiously, He still didn't know How much he could trust this trainer, the trainer got out a pokeball, "I need to scan you on the pokedex!" he threw the pokeball, it opened on Sandshrews head and sucked him in like a vortex. Sandshrew did not struggle, the trainer did expect this, he knew he already loved him, and Sandshrew knew he knew what he was doing. The trainer held the pokeball over the pokedex, "Sandshrews data has been added to the pokedex" said the pokedex in a computer voice. "My name is Alex" Explained Alex. "I will nickname you.... SANDRUNNER! That’s a great name for someone of your speed! Your little legs carried you far!”

"Anyway; we better get team Aqua" said Alex, getting his bag back on, then putting his hand to his forehead realising his mistake. "Oh, stupid me, you won't know who team aqua are will you, they are-" "I do" "you know who team aqua are, well let's go then." he rode off on his Mach bike to MT. chimney.

In the cable cart room, there was an aqua grunt guarding the cable cart with his Carvahna ready to attack. Alex tried going through but the grunt grabbed him, lifted him in the direction of the sky, and tossed him across the room. Alex landed on his back and slid. He pushed himself back to his feet and brushed the dirt of his red T-shirt and brown hear, his green eyes stared hard at the grunt (who was already in battle stance). Alex formed himself into a battle stance and threw his pokeball, Sandrunner was zapped out of the pokeball; and formed into a Sandshrew "Carvahna, bite." The Carvahna opened his jaws, but Sandrunner had already leaped across the room and so the Carvahna missed, "Huh?" the Carvahna was confused, or at least he was until he felt the jabbing pain of claws behind him, Sandrunner "Why you sneaky little." Sandrunner smiled and jumped out the way, the Carvahna groaned; and jumped at him. The two pokemon were jumping across the room slashing and biting each other. They both eventually reached a wall, Sandrunner jabbed his claws in the wall and the Carvahna bit the wall with his teeth. They both charged into each other, and then they stormed each other to the floor clutching tight to each other; rolling. Sandrunner had Carvahna pinned to the floor. As Carvahna tried to struggle free, Sandrunner jabbed his claws deep into Carvahna; and ripped through slowly for extra pain. There was an immense scream of pain from the Carvahna. Sandrunner, having come to his senses, stopped. He pulled his claws out and stepped slowly away from the Carvahna. "Come back" the Carvahna was zapped by the laser beam back into the pokeball. The Aqua grunted in anger. "I don't care if you won! You’re not getting up to MT. CHIMNEY!" Alex giggled. "But your pokemonless?, how are you gonna stop me?" The Aqua grunted again "Fine!! Go up there! Admiral Siege will be over double my power! He'll take care of you..." Just as Alex thought the grunt had finished as he was walking away the grunt snarled. "And make you regret you interfered with our plans." Alex shrugged his shoulders, zapped Sandrunner back into his pokeball, and got on the cable cart.


Alex was looking down on the view, he could see trees, the desert, caves; he could see a large section of hoenn. The cable cart arrived at MT. Chimney. “What is the situation, over.” Peter held the walkie-talkie to his ears. He put it back to his mouth. “Right I’ll send grunts to guard the entrance, over and out.” Peter surprisingly wasn’t shocked when he saw Alex; he just ran off. Peter ran like a lightning bolt to Siege. Alex followed him. Three grunts tried to stop him on the way. Alex sent out Sandrunner. The grunts sent out a Goldeen, Surskit, Barboach. Sandrunner saw no challenge. He kicked the Surskit into the air and flipped behind the Barboach and kicked it into the Goldeen and it went flying into the mountain gates. The grunts zapped their pokemon back into the pokeballs just before they fell off the mountain and then the Surskit landed on the rocks and got zapped by the pokeball as well. Alex zapped Sandrunner back into its pokeball. He ran up to see Admiral Siege in front of Peter. “PETER!” “Yes…. Admiral” Peter wept in fear. “YOU DO REALISE YOU LOST TO A CHEATING BEGINNER!?” Siege screamed Peter nodded “Anyways. You know the plan right.” Peter nodded again. “Good. The volcano will erupt and 9:00 tonight. Got it?” “Yes sir!” “Not if I can help it.” The whole 3 section (the section of team aqua that is at MT. chimney) of team aqua stared at Alex. He had his pokeball at the ready. “aaaah” said Siege softly. “The little meddler has come to interfere with our plans again; has he?” Siege walked side to side at the top of MT. Chimney; this made Alex’s face look tougher and sterner. “Do not fail me again Peter! This time I’m watching you right here.” Peter threw a pokeball, Surskit was zapped out of it. Alex zapped Sandrunner out to take care of the Surskit. “Surskit, Bubble beam” The little bug sprayed some bubbles, but Sandrunner jumped high and got his claws at the ready and struck Surskit when he reached the ground, Surskit flashed at amazing speed through Sandrunner. Things were not looking good for Sandrunner; the Surskit was charging at him from all directions. But Sandrunner was clever (although he was rash.) He span around at high speed. When the Surskit charged into him; the Surskit bounced to the mountain gates so Peter zapped it back into the pokeball. “I’ve got a little surprise for you.” Getting out a pokeball and enlarging it. “Go, Pelliper.” A pelican-like pokemon was zapped out of the pokeball. Pelliper squirted water at him; drip by drip. But Sandrunner kept dodging the drips. Sandrunner got ready and suddenly pounced at Pelliper. Sandrunner threw the pelican to the mountain gates; but the Pelliper used its wings to avoid falling off, and quickly squirted Sandrunner. Sandrunner knew that Pellipers wings were the real problem. He jumped and ripped Pellipers feathers of his wings so he couldn’t fly. After Pellipers wings were off; Sandrunner pounced at Pelliper again but Pelliper squirted him. Sandrunner was blasted all the way near the mountain, then Pelliper used his water as a jet and crashed into Sandrunner and Sandrunner fell down the mountain. Alex was devastated at the loss of Sandrunner; but he got out a pokeball and zapped Rose out of her pokeball. Rose brang up the green blob but Pelliper charged with his water jet. Rose went flying into the air; Pelliper swallowed Rose, and spat her out. Alex panicked. What would he do? This Pelliper was to strong for Wailer, Rhyha and Karmory. “Do you give up” smiled Peter. “doon’t” there was a shout in the distance. “I’m coming.” It was Sandrunner climbing up the mountain. He jumped up to the mountain, and was ready for battle. Pelliper charged at Sandrunner but Sandrunner jumped out the way and Pelliper charged into a stinging nettle. Peter had not choice but to return Pelliper. “YOU HAVE FAILED ME AGAIN!” Siege screamed “THAT DOES IT! I’m out of here!” Siege got on a mach bike and rode off down the jagged pass.

please say if this is not long enough
 
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J

Jelly♥Winry

Guest
It's long enough, put you ain't pressing enter when someone new talks ¬¬ So you may not get the best results from reviewers. Also, A few mistakes, Grammer and Text. for example:
and Sandshrew knew heknew
It's He Knew BTW, type in word, because I can tell you didn't. If you did, use the spell checker mor often ¬¬
 

Jetx

hooray, it's Jetx!
This is an interesting story but there are too many spelling and grammer mistakes, try to read through before posting, I also think that the part where Alex is thrown onto the floor has alot of rushed description in it, apart from that it is very entertaining and I am looking forward to part 2...
 

Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
jetx said:
This is an interesting story but there are too many spelling and grammer mistakes, try to read through before posting, I also think that the part where Alex is thrown onto the floor has alot of rushed description in it, apart from that it is very entertaining and I am looking forward to part 2...
i did it on word and the were very little green lines
 

Naesala

Out of Pokemon.
much better some grammer mistakes but you've definetly improved.
 

Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
Jelly said:
It's long enough, put you ain't pressing enter when someone new talks ¬¬ So you may not get the best results from reviewers. Also, A few mistakes, Grammer and Text. for example:

It's He Knew BTW, type in word, because I can tell you didn't. If you did, use the spell checker mor often ¬¬
i did do some of this on word. and the heknew bit has been edited now
 

Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
jetx said:
This is an interesting story but there are too many spelling and grammer mistakes, try to read through before posting, I also think that the part where Alex is thrown onto the floor has alot of rushed description in it, apart from that it is very entertaining and I am looking forward to part 2...

I have edited all the fragments. And so it might make a little more sense now. there were some grammar mistakes that the the computer corrected which seems wrong
 
P

Polirick

Guest
Ermm, well i only read the 1st paragraph and instantly got bored. Hope you can make some better editing??
by Rick
 

Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
Polirick said:
Ermm, well i only read the 1st paragraph and instantly got bored. Hope you can make some better editing??
by Rick
that's the bit of the beggining and saying what Sandshrews current life is like. I'm not trying to brag or anything. but you might, take note i said might, enjoy it a tiny bit more. no guarantee though, i'll try editing again (i already edited the last version)
P.S./EDIT
the next chapter may be up soon
 
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Ice_Scyther

FFFFFFFFF-
OK, i'll give this fanfic a full review. Here goes....

Originality:Ok, this was kind of original, but still, Team Aqua has been used many times. Also, Alex dosen't seem to have much of a personality.
I shouldn't be talking, but give him a personality.

Description:Ok, there's some good description, but some of it was rushed. Why the heck did the sandshrew stratch at the stone?

Grammar: You missed a TON of punctuation in some parts. REMEMBER PUNCTUATION!

Other:Well, everything else seems fine. Nothing to report here.

Overall: An Espeon. ;196; (4 Stars)
 
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Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
okay I'll work on their personalities more. and I'll work on grammar next time
I can't change the story now. it's simply too late. but if i write another i will make it more origanal
i'm thinking about deleting this thread and if i get no objections in 2 weeks it is going to die
so say if you object
 
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Ice_Scyther

FFFFFFFFF-
no do not give up young authorling! Continue to prosper and grow!

-I.S. ;123;
 

Jetx

hooray, it's Jetx!
Err can't you just improve in part 2, that's what I did, and if you made a third not even I would read it, this is your second, and I thought you'd already started part 2 so there would be no point, that's the impression you gave me. I improve a bit every chapter using the reviews rather than holding them against myself...
 

Jetx

hooray, it's Jetx!
I do a page every 15 mins I'm submitting part 3 of my fic tonight, and what I meant was you said you might delete this thread, so that post was telling you not to, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work that out...
 
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Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
part 2

Alex got on his mach bike; and chased Siege. Alex rode fast on his mach bike, but Siege was still ahead of him. Siege decided that this meddler would catch up with him soon, so he got out a pokeball, enlarged it; and threw it. “Go, Absol.” The pokeball landed on Alex; Absol was blasted out of the sky beam. Absol was making it tough for poor Alex to see where Siege was going; let alone having troubles riding the bike “Absol, use razor wind.” The Dark creature whipped up a vicious whirlwind; which made Alex go flying up to the sky. Alex was ascending until he came to a stop and was about to descend. Alex threw out a pokeball, “Karmory, go.” A Skarmory came out and Alex landed on this steel bird. Karmory flapped his steel wings; flying to the town ahead. A pokeball was rolling “oh sorry Sandrunner” Alex blasted Sandrunner out of his pokeball. “What’s your plan?” Wondered Alex “the admiral could have stayed on the stone and not have went to the town”
“Alright, so you’re suggesting we fly down to the rock and run after him up the pass?”
“Nah, you keep flying to the town; I’ll investigate” and Sandrunner Leaped right down to the pass. Alex had a worried expression on his face; he was terrified after all.
Sandrunner landed on the stone path; it was not a pleasant landing but he was in fine condition. There was a large red and green cloth right next to the point Sandrunner had landed. On the cloth was an awful lot of food, a Raichu, a Tailow, a Skitty and a female trainer. Sandrunner hoped that Alex would come pick him up soon, he also hoped that Alex either, didn’t take notice of the girl or he didn’t have crushes on beautiful humans of the opposite sex; this was because he may spend so much time chatting with the girl that Siege would have aqua’s plan up and ready for action. The stranger turned around, a smile was put on the girl’s face from Sandrunner. “Ohhhhhhh, aren’t you a cute Sandshrew, yes you are, ohhh yes you are” Sandrunner was absolutely terrified out of his life; it scared him even more when he saw the trainer get out a pokeball and enlarge it. “Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanddddrunnnnnnner” the shout echoed over the jagged pass. The girl looked around the pass and threw her pokeball “nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” Alex was flying on Karmory at such high speed; Karmory was really sky-diving. Alex zapped Sandrunner into his pokeball. “RETURN” A Machop was looking down at the grass, then tilted its head up and saw the pokeball. The ball banged hard on its forehead. “Oh, no, no, no, I don’t want a Machop; I want a cute little Sandshrew, oh ah well.” The girl’s eyes were drawn to the struggling pokeball; it was caught. The girl picked up the pokeball and had it scanned over the pokedex. “I’ll name you……… Dozy, after being so dozy not to notice the pokeball coming over your head” the girl chuckled. Alex got down from Karmory. “Return Karmory.” There was silence for a moment, Alex rubbed the back of his neck, “sooo, have you seen a man with a blue bandana, an aqua admin?”
“Hmmmm” the girl scratched her chin, “oh yes! An aqua admin, he led a whole aqua section into town and took over.”
“Where is he now?”
“He’s in the town, duh!”
“Yes I know that but where in the town.” The girl scratched her chin again for a bit. “Tom will know about that; the little nerd.” The girl looked down at her feet. “Well, let’s go, oh and my name is Sara alright”
“Sara? Got it!” and they ran down to lavaridge. In the shadows a tall figure that looked like an aqua with a black suit, “it looks like everything is now falling into place.”

“Tom’s in the house over there!” Sara pointed over to a house next to the pokecenter. The house was guarded by an aqua grunt; everywhere was. Lavaridge was much more quite than usual, every one was trapped in their houses; it looked more like abandoned ancient ruins than a small taken over town. Alex walked slowly up to the grunt that was guarding Tom’s place. “Excuse me, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you get out of my way.” The grunt just stared and ignored him. “Well then I guess I’ll just have to get in by force.”
“Go Wailer!” A huge ball was blasted out of the ball, half blue, half white. “Go Feebas!” an ugly fish that was even smaller than a Magikarp was blasted out of the pokeball. “Wailer use bubblebeam” the large wail spitted a load of bubbles at the Feebas. “Feebas use waterfall to block the beam.” Suddenly a large waterfall came down and Feebas deflected the beam to Wailer with the added pressure of the waterfall “Hyper beam!” Wailer blasted a powerful ray to blast the waterfall and bubble beam back at Feebas. The combination turned into a huge wave and hit Feebas which made him go flying at the speed of light to the wall and bounced straight off like it was actually bouncy, and hit the floor. The lighting struck him back into his pokeball. “Wailer return” Wailer was struck into his pokeball as well. “Horsea, go!” the grunt said. “Do it Rhyha.”
“Horsea use rain dance” the Horsea danced side to side, did a flip and tilted his head forward; it started to rain. “Rhyha, build up your strength for the next attack” the Rhyhorn got into a tough and bracing stance, his face turned stern. “Horsea water gun” the little water dragon sped across the other side of the arena and squirted a bit of water into the stone hard rhinoceros. It kept speeding in different directions squirting water; eventually Rhyha dodged the squirt but looked like he was hurt. Horsea saw his chance to take the rhino down permanently. “Horsea quick attack.” The dragon sped towards Rhyha at extremely high speed, Horsea thought the Rhyhorn was about to faint when suddenly, booom, the Rhyhorn had itself braced for the hit, and Horsea’s extreme impact on Rhyha hurt it’s head badly, it was so confused. “Rhyha, go in for the kill!” The Rhyhorn took a few steps back and leaped into the air and landed on the Horsea. After he had landed on the Horsea he took a few steps back….. And witnessed the damage to the Horsea, it had been squashed flat out. “Horsea return” and the Horsea was zapped back into the pokeball. “errr!” the grunt stepped aside and Alex went through into Tom’s house. The house mostly brown, the stairs were brown and the walls were brown. The kitchen was light brown squared. Alex and Sara went up to the computer hacking room. Sara opened the door and Alex was amazed at what he saw. The room was absolutely, 100%, filled with computer and hacking technology. On one of the computers was a blonde haired boy with glasses, he was typing with the keyboard. “Ah ha”
“What is it Tom?” asked Sara with a sigh of jealousy, a tape came out of a video-player like thing. “I managed to hack into the Lavaridge gym, and I have created a tape of a few acts from that aqua admin!” explained Tom.
“Here take a look.”
The T.V. turned on of a CCTV from the Lavaridge gym, in the leader room. “I need those hot springs to erupt out to help increase the sea.” A red haired girl was staring at Siege. “Trust me admiral, these springs will not aid you in your mission, team magma may want it more than you need it.”
“Just force the mayor to give up the hot springs!”
“I would Never!”
“THAT DOES IT!” Siege grabbed Flannery and took her down “AAAH!” Flannery screamed and the signal in the TV was cut off.
There was a silence in the group, when Sara talked “you have to go save Flannery Alex. You are her only hope.” Alex was looking at the screen. “Play it again.” He watched it again. “Wait a minute? The Lavaridge mayor was in the corner; look.” Alex pointed towards the corner of the screen. “He must have captured Flannery!” Suggested Tom
“Errrr, any help with this mission?” he had a hopeful smile on “you perhaps Sara?”
“Alex! I need to assist Tom with his hacking mission. That is what Flannery briefed me to do!” Alex hesitated for a bit; trying to think of an excuse. They stared for long at Alex until finally he said “Alright, I’ll do it!”

When Alex departed Tom’s small house he asked himself “Why is it always me?” Alex was running towards the gym on the other side of the town. When he was at the gym door it opened and there was an aqua grunt at the door when it opened. “Where’s your clearance ID?”
“Ummm, I kinda don’t” Alex was thinking for a bit when suddenly it shot straight into his mind “I mean I don’t have it with me!”
The grunt had more questions “Uniform?”
“Left that at home too” Alex was trying to use excuses as a weapon to get through this guard. The grunt kept staring, “don’t think I’m stupid, I know you’re an intruding meddler!”
“Does that mean a battle?” the grunt nodded “yup; that means a battle.”
To be continued
 
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Jetx

hooray, it's Jetx!
Chapter 2 review

Well a few mistakes like 'Alex was umming for a bit' did you mean humming or going umm...umm because if you did you should have had thinking instead of umming and I'd use another physical move that horsea can learn rather than quick attack, I also think you should involve Sandrunner a little more... But I have much more possitive things to say, it could have been longer but it was better than part 1 and much more entertaining. SAVE FLANNERY!!! I must see part 3 hurry up and write it! ;D
 
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Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
jetx said:
Well a few mistakes like 'Alex was umming for a bit' did you mean humming or going umm...umm because if you did you should have had thinking instead of umming and I'd use another physical move that horsea can learn rather than quick attack, I also think you should involve Sandrunner a little more... But I have much more possitive things to say, it could have been longer but it was better than part 1 and much more entertaining. SAVE FLANNERY!!! I must see part 3 hurry up and write it! ;D
about the umm bit. it meant like ummm! okay I'll change that part and I'll start writing part 3. about involving sandrunner more it's just that i don't want people to think this is a complete copy of the series itself and i want to make it more realistic. I'm changing the link! by the way could you help me with the trainer card image on your sig
 
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