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The Sevii Islands Saga

Manaphyman

Up all night
Lol...tripple post..thanks though!

Yes, in the early chapters...George Joey and Mike didnt get much attention...but they will.
 
Wow.... Lindsey barging in on a stranger's room made me LOL. Poor Harken... I feel so bad for him. I think he's my favorite character. It's a contest between him and Lindsey.

YAY! Cleffa hatched! Cute little bundle of star-shaped joy!

Sorry for the awful review, but I've got about two minutes. Great chapter. Way to set up for the Gym Battles, which should be EXCELLENT. Byeas!

~Mix
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
Thanks Mix! I've been trying to develop Lindsey's personality more...and it seems to be working.


Anyways....in regards to the new chapter...this weekend/Monday has been horrible for me. I havent gotten a shread of school work done. (I missed both Today and Friday for the funeral and to be with family.) I'm also emotionally drained....so we'll see. Ntm...debate next Saturday (WILL TRY TO GET OUT OF THAT).
 

Pokemaster271

Electropower!
Time for the review! I have to say this is probably my favorite part.

"Her name is Hannah. Hannah White.” She smirked.

At first, John didn’t understand. “Oh…I don’t know her.” He said, disappointed.

Hannah looked embarrassed, mad even. “I am the gym leader moron!” She yelled


I guess everyone has a stroke of stupidity, every once and a while at least.

;025; My brother, I don't think I've ever known you better.

Wow, that was mean.

;025; Yep, we have a genius in the house.

No comment. Anyway, grammar was excellent. I didn't spot any errors. Oh, and sorry about your grandpa. It's rough when a relative dies.

;025; Yeah, I agree.

That's probably the nicest thing you've ever said.

Remember, keep up the good work!

~~Pokemaster~~
--Pika--
 

Xaqwais

Member
I'm sorry for your loss and I feel for you.

Gym battles galore! I can't wait for your next chapter!
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
I appreciate that.

Anywayws, we had a snow day today. I'm actually almost done with the chapter, and will send it to ducan asap for beating...so out my saturday.


Oh, and btw, I'd figure I'd let you know...our favorite person, Scott, well, his Eevee finally evolved..into...you'll see.
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
I told you I'd eventually review this again!

So far (as of Chapter 8) my main complaint is that things are moving pretty quickly. I often find myself having to backtrack when I see something new that I must have missed.

I was also surprised at the Ash and co. cameo, but that wasn't too bad (I'm sure you made a lot of Non-advanceshippers very angry xD).

A typo that I lol'd at:

Out pooped the red lizard pokemon that John was so familiar with, and out popped a weird, red slug, which seemed to be on fire.

Ok, I have stopped at Chapter 15 because something came up. I'll continue reading next time I get the chance.
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
LOL........that is funny.

Thanks Griffy! Yeah, 1-8 were pretty fast.

I had those characters cameo from MC2: Final Frontier.....

On that note, I'd like to announce a revamp of the Prologue- Chapter 5. I want to make this fic something to be remembered, so next chance I get, I'll revamp them.

Also, duncan is in the middle, of betaing the next chapter, which should be out by Sunday.
 

dash142

Beginning Trainer
I just finished reading your fic, (Took me 3 days, cause I wasn't able to get on yesterday) and it is freaking amazing! It's kind of odd you used Team Galactic, but with Deoxys coming from space I guess it does make more sense than Team Rocket.

My favorite characters are John and Harken. (I'm so glad he's not dead!) I like how you finally got around to developing the other characters more, because they were pretty stale at first. Sorry about your Grandpa dieing, that sucks.

Anyways, I can't wait for the next chapter, Ghost pokemon and their trainers are usually pretty cool... except for Fantina. I hate her.
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
Awesome new reader! Thanks for all your great comments.

Btw, Harken isnt mine, he's a cameo from Enigmatic Fronteir..(go check that one out too!)

So as soon as the beta-ing is done, you'll get the new chapter today!
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
Chapter 27: Duel of Fates

As the sun peaked over the mountains south of them, brilliant shades of orange blanketed the sky. Light illuminated the Earth, spreading like wildfire across the countryside.

Small cottages dotted the landscape, split by a narrow dirt road that the group was now following. The area wasn’t densely forested, so the occasional evergreen tree was a welcome sight.

As they made their way inland towards the gym, butterflies began to flutter in Johns' stomach. It had been weeks since his last “real” battle, and that one was a near miss. Now he had to go through an entire tournament?

“Sh*t! It’s cold.” shivered Mike. A frigid gust of wind blew past him, interrupting his train of thought.

He cringed. It was his fault, of course. He was dressed for summer, with jean shorts and a gray “Four Island Athletic Department” t-shirt, the teenager was asking for it.

John however, was dressed in jeans and his trademark black track jacket.

“Well idiot, you wore shorts.” John replied, quickening his pace. It was 9:30, and they needed to be at the gym in a half an hour. Could it be done?

“Shut up.” Mike whispered back in between shivers. He withdrew his arms into his sleeves and wrapping them around his torso, cradling himself tightly.

“I have an idea,” John said abruptly, withdrawing a Pokeball from his belt and opening it.
With the familiar burst of light, his young fowl pokemon, Combusken, appeared before him. He looked wide awake, the usual bags not plaguing his eyes today. It’s hair was combed neatly, the orange feathers blending in nicely with it.

“Combusken, can you try to keep us warm? Maybe light a fire?” asked John.

“Busken!” replied the Pokemon, shooting a burst of flames out of his beak. Immediately the air around them became warm, and Mike withdrew his arms from his shirt.

“Well if it isn’t John and his puny Combusken.” said a shrill male voice.

John realized that they were now in front of the gym. Turning around, there was Scott, no longer dressed in a Team Galactic uniform.

His long blond hair was cut back, into a horrible shape-up that made his forehead huge. He was wearing a green polo with the collar popped. Combined with purposely ripped jeans and converse shoes, he was the classic prep he had always been.

“Scott?” asked John, astonished. He wasn’t in Galactic?

“Yep, it’s me.” he replied, almost skittishly.

“But you're…normal?” asked John, still at a loss for words.

“I am no longer affiliated with Team Galactic, yes.” Scott replied. It sounded almost forced. John didn’t buy it at all.

“After what I have done, I don’t exactly expect you to trust me, but please try. I got out when I could. I’m not the evil type.” Scott tried to explain, half-heartedly.

John couldn’t believe his ears, and in fact, he didn’t. He knew Scott was still evil, no matter what he said. But to conceal his suspicions, he changed the subject.

“Why are you here then?” he asked.

“Same as you, I presume. I have four badges, I need my fifth.” he smirked.

I’m battling him? John thought, both excited and nervous.

They arrived in front of the gym. It was an old, dilapidated house. The house had brown shingles, and a black roof. Boards were nailed in front of the windows, in an attempt to look ominous and scary. It was after all, a ghost gym.

The area around the gym was creepy. It was an outside battlefield. Dirt was all that was in the front yard. Bent, barren trees sprouted from the swamp around them. Grass, water and mud mixed to form the swamp, which only seemed to be around the gym. Clumps of grass seemed to have been freshly dug up, and the water and mud fresh from the rain before. The unusual chill in the air didn’t exactly help either. If this was intentional, they had done a great job.

“Hello,” Hannah appeared from nowhere at the large swinging front door of the gym. “I assume all three of you are ready?” she asked. She received no response.
“Good. As you know, it will be a three on three battle between two of you. John and Scott, you will battle, and the winner will go on to face Mike. The winner of that will face me first.”

“So, we just battle now?” asked John inquisitively.

“Yes. You have 10 minutes to prepare, then the battle will begin.” The gym leader explained.

John thought about his Pokemon choices. He needed reliable, powerful battlers for this one. Espeon of course, and Combusken, but the third? Piplup needed a break, Budew was unreliable, and Wingull needed training. He came to the decision of Phanpy. Her first battle was going to be for a gym.

“I’m ready.” he said, taking out his first pokemon: Espeon.

“I am too. Go Flareon!” yelled Scott, tossing his Pokeball up in the air. Out appeared a beautiful sleek, red Eeveelution. Its' tail was beige, unlike the rest of its' furry body. Its' face looked like that of an Eevee.

“In response, go Espeon!” John yelled, sending out his starter as well. Her two tails straightened and she bent her knees. She concentrated real hard, and readied herself for the battle.

“Flareon, Flamethrower combination now!” Scott ordered, pointing towards Espeon.

“Espeon, dodge it and use Psybeam!” John commanded.

Flareon opened its' mouth and released a powerful array of highly pressurized flames. They shot towards the psychic pokemon, who stood still, waiting for the perfect moment. After releasing the flames, Flareon sprinted forward, disappearing into the inferno itself.

Espeon, puzzled, simply jumped out of the way, allowed the flames to singe the ground where she was previously standing.

Still confused, she closed her eyes and shot rings of pink energy towards the remaining inferno. The Psybeam attack cleared the flames away with ease. The rings appeared to be on fire, and the pink color cascaded upward until it mixed with yellow, orange, and red. But still no Flareon.

Suddenly, Espeon flew forward, skidding across the singed ground, and flipped over on to her back. Flareon stood where Espeon had been, glowing red.

Espeon struggled back on to her stomach and crawled up, panting hard. The attack had knocked the wind out of her, and even burned her. Flareon was very hot, literally, from being in the fire.

“Espeon, come on! Your stronger than that! Use Psychic!” John commanded, astounded that Espeon had taken so much damage so early.

Regaining her breath and composure, she stood up, directing her attention back at Flareon. The red orb on her head glowed fiercely, bathing the area around her head in an ominous red. Cascading from the orb, a beam of pulsing, bright pink energy stormed forth, hotter than fire, more powerful than a Hyper Beam. It was concentrated, aimed right for Flareon’s head, following it whenever it moved.

With a bright flash, it nailed it’s target. The battlefield turned pink and all fell silent.

As the pink flash receded, Espeon was visible again, perched triumphant on a small boulder, surveying the field. However, Flareon was not visible. John feared the worst, still seeing no sign of Scott’s starter.

Scott however was unphased, smirking even.

As soon as John averted his gaze back towards the battle, John knew why.

The speedy Flareon had been affected by the attack, yes. It used the flash to its' advantage. Appearing out of nowhere from an Extremespeed attack, it’s sleek body drove into Espeons' stomach. The scene was both beautiful and horrific. Flareon’s shiny golden and red fur all standing up at once, its' whole form pounding into the equally beautiful Espeon. Espeons' body lurched forward, and she again skid on the frozen Earth to a halt.

“No way!” John yelled, unable to believe the scenario.

“John, Espeon is unable to battle, Flareon is the winner.” Hannah ruled, motioning for John to withdraw his battle weary starter.

Reluctantly, he raised a Pokeball and returned her. He clipped the Pokeball back to his belt and reached for another.

“Go Combusken!” he yelled, tossing the Pokeball up into the air.

Combusken jumped out, showing off its' skills by doing a front flip, and landing nimbly on its' eight talons.

“Combusken, watch Flareon’s speed. Use that to your advantage. Sky Uppercut!” John exclaimed to the Young Fowl Pokemon.

“Flareon, Extremespeed!” Scott ordered.

Flareon began running towards Combusken, faster and faster, until its' body vanished into the field. Combusken also started to run, it’s left arm dragging behind him, glowing a bright white. Its' claws spread out, sharpened, ready for the blow.

“Now Combusken!” John yelled.

Combusken’s arm lurched forward, and slammed into an invisible mass in front of him. Immediately after the hit, Flareon appeared, its' attack interrupted. It flew upward from the force of both attacks.

The battlers both watched in awe as Flareon was shot over 30 feet into the air, his body flailing awkwardly.

“Flareon, try to soften your landing with a Flamethrower!” Scott yelled, but there was not enough time. Flareon landed hard with a horrible, bone-breaking thud.

Hannah chimed in. “Flareon is unable to battle. Scott, choose another.”

Scott, not worried in the least, withdrew his starter. Flareon seemed to be hurt, as his collapsed, unconscious body blending into the red beam sucking him away. In the back of Johns' mind, he knew it would be a very long time before he battled again.

Scott, choosing another Pokeball, hurled it into the field.

A familiar pokemon to John, Charmeleon, re-appeared. Charmeleon was a pokemon that John had battled a few times before, and he knew how to beat it.

“Two fire Pokemon, Scott?” John questioned his stupidity.

“But of course.” said Scott.

“Combusken, use Sky Uppercut again!” John ordered.

“Charmeleon, use Slash!” Scott ordered.

The fire lizards' long tail flame began to glow with greater intensity as Charmeleons' long claws began to glow red. It charged forward, a red glint appearing in its' eyes. Its' mini horn that sat on the top of its' head looked tough. When it grinned, long, sharp, bright white teeth made its' appearance even more tough.

Combusken on the other hand, simply began dragging its' glowing arm towards Charmeleon. He wasn’t running however, to conserve energy. He simply walked up towards the other fire pokemon.

The two walked to within five feet of each other, Charmeleon stopping first. Combusken didn’t however, driving his arm right into Charmeleon’s stomach. It’s claws scratched right up Charmeleon’s belly, causing blood to rise to the surface of its' skin.

“Meleon!” it cried. In revenge, it swung its' claws down Combuskens' sides.
(Warning, graphic.)

Patches of skin were ripped off and were accompanied by blood. Blood, skin, and feathers spewed forth, as the two pokemon began to slice each other to bits. The barren Earth did not have any grass, but was now covered by a carpet of skin and blood.

Charmeleon slashed at Combusken’s torso, but as he was in the act, one of his claws got caught. Unable to stop, the claw ripped off, flying into the air.

Charmeleon was in searing pain, and so was Combusken, holding his blood covered stomach.

The Young Fowl Pokemon attempted to get revenge, its' legs becoming engulfed in rings of fire that shot up towards its' ankles. He jumped in the air and kicked Charmeleon right in the face, ripping into it with his talons.

Charmeleon collapsed out of the pain.

“Combusken!” John yelled, at a loss for words. Pokemon shouldn’t battle that way. He recalled his pokemon back into it’s Pokeball.

Charmeleon was returned as well, without any ruling by Hannah.

“Go Phanpy!” John yelled, this time pressing the button on the Pokeball instead of throwing it up.

His new Long Nose Pokemon appeared in front of him, determined, but oblivious to the oncoming slaughter.

“Go Larvitar!” Scott commanded, sending his rock Pokemon out.

It appeared out of the light, released onto the battlefield.

It looked odd, standing on its' hind legs, arms dangling in front of it. Its' eyes had dark black patches around them, which blended into its' dark greenish brown skin. A horn stuck out from its' head. Many protrusions, that looked much like rocks, coming from it’s backside. It must have been it’s tail.

“Larvitar, use Rock Head!” Scott commanded.

“Phanpy, use Rollout!” John countered.

Larvitar began charging forward, lowering its horn, so that it was level with Phanpy. Phanpy however, jumped in the air, curling itself into a ball. The gray mass was literally a ball with ears, and it began spinning towards Larvitar.

Phanpy rolled closer and closer to the charging ground pokemon, until in an anticlimactic finish, Phanpy, stilled rolled up in a ball, was stalled by Larvitars' horn. The two were locked in the middle of the field. Neither budged at all.

“Larvitar, scratch!” Scott ordered, thinking quickly.

Larvitar raised its' arms and attempted to scratch the balled up pokemon, but couldn’t. Its' short pudgy arms couldn’t reach the Pokemon and instead flailed in the air. Phanpy ceased this opportunity, pushing much harder.

Larvitar gave way and was hit hard by the Long Nose Pokemon. It flipped over, surprised.

“Larvitar! Come on! Use Earthquake!” Scott yelled franticly.

Larvitar looked at him, puzzled. It didn’t understand its' master.

Phanpy again attacked, rolling right over the frantic and confused pokemon. It continued on, back towards John and then unrolled itself.

She stood triumphant, watching the frantic Larvitar try to get up. She hadn’t hit him so hard, but he looked on the verge of fainting.

“Lar?” It looked at his master for help. Scott turned his head, and instead raised a Pokeball.

“It’s over! It is pointless for you to continue!” he yelled, returning Larvitar.

Phanpy jumped up into John’s arms in excitement.

“Alright, the victor is John. Scott receives the third gym slot,” Hannah announced. “John, you have 30 minutes to prepare for your next battle, vs. Mike. I have decided that it will be a one-on-one battle. Choose whatever Pokemon you wish.”

John was astounded. 30 Minutes? Who would he use? How would he battle?

Mike skittishly walked to the other end of the field.

“Just so you know, I’m gonna use my Cyndaquil. I haven’t trained it in a long time.” Mike said shyly, almost in an attempt to intimidate him.

John looked at his cute baby pokemon cradled in his arms. Phanpy was the answer.

“Hey Phanpy, you wanna battle Mike?” He asked.

Immediately and emphatically, she replied with a huge “Phy!!!!!” Which meant yes.

“Alright Mike, I’ll use Phanpy.” John yelled across the field. Something moved out of the corner of his eye and John looked to see a still furious Scott storming away, cursing under his breath.

John looked at down at his Poketch. 11:00. The battle had taken 2 hours. All his Pokemon, not to mention himself, were completely worn out. He didn’t know if he was in shape for another battle, let alone if he win.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
30 Minutes Later

John stood poised, Phanpy in front of him, ready for battle. He stared at his competition: Mike and his tired Cyndaquil. They would be no match for him, because after all, Phanpy was ground.

“You ready John?” Mike asked. “Cause I’m gonna give you a hell of a battle!”

To be continued….

Yes, I did it too you. Your gonna have to wait a couple more days for Chapter 28: Mike’s Day.

There you will learn what happens to Mike, if Scott is really good, and you will be one step closer to the end of the fifth gym leader saga.

Who is Hannah?
Is Scott really changed?
Will Mike finally step out of John’s shadow

Thanks duncan for the beta!
 

niedude

Don't forget to grin
Chapter 27: Duel of Fates


Yes, I did it too you. Your gonna have to wait a couple more days for Chapter 28: Mike’s Day.

There you will learn what happens to Mike, if Scott is really good, and you will be one step closer to the end of the fifth gym leader saga.

Who is Hannah?
Is Scott really changed?
Will Mike finally step out of John’s shadow

Thanks duncan for the beta!

Wow, even if it was short I don't care I still loved it. YOur forte is definetelly battles. I have to say I kinda took the fact you made a flareon learn extremespeed when arcanine is the only 1st gen able to use it, and he is my fav pokemon...

;058; Umm am I the one happy that my future signature attack is being used by Flareon, both of us love so why you complaining?

Damn Burst do you have to spoil in every post you appear?

;058; Sorry, well onto the review!

Actually that is pretty much it. But we can try to improvise!

I loved the fact that even short this chapter was entertaining, Scott, be him good or evil can pull up quite a show and so can John. Phanpy has a lot of potential too, or so it seemed to me. I also noticed that even though John has two water types he kind off mocked Scott having two fires, bad bad bad unless it was intentional.

;058; From now on I do the pokemon references! Anyway Espeons psychic is very powerful not to mention unique, the usual blue atmosphere created by it changed into red and pink gave an awesome visual impact, Linds should consider borrowing Espeon sometimes. Flareons use of extremespeed was perfect, although impossible under most standarts, but what the hell it looked good! Phanpy's rollout was very interesting and the way Scott used and retrieved larvitar made me think that he hatched him himself, his inexperience using scratch and earthquake yet perfect use of an advanced move rock head suggest it was trained from an egg and especially trained for that attack.

Well that is all for now, BTW PM me cause I had an awesome appeal for Linds to use with Chatot, 1000 Words FTW!
 

dash142

Beginning Trainer
Another awesome chapter. I'm starting to like Scott now... but I always like evil rivals that try to/pretend to be good. That battle between Combusken and Charmeleon did seem pretty brutal and you did a good job describing it. I could visualize the entire battle in my mind, good job.
 

RobSp1derp1g

On my way...
Me too. Very good chapter. I didn't notice any grammar errors.
and you already told us who Hannah is.
According to an older chapter (can't remember which) her name is
Hannah White
and she is
Gym Leader
MM, thank you very much. You just gave me some ideas to the description to use in my fic.

you forgot to PM me
no harm done
 
Last edited:

dash142

Beginning Trainer
Yeah, but your forgetting that one gym leader who was working for Team Galactic. Also the grass gym leader knew Celebi. So theres probably something else to Hannah as well.
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
@Nie: Thanks! That was an indepth, thoughtfull review, and Im so glad you liked it. The fire/water thing WAS intentional.

@dash142: Thanks! I was going for that approach. Scott is in the next few chapters....

@SP: Right, but there is more too her......Glad you got inspiration!
 

Lucarioman777

Well-Known Member
I. Have. ARRIVED! Run while you still can!

Err, anyways...

That was a pretty good chapter, MM. Your forte definetly seems to be battles. But, you still have the problems with grammer/spelling. So...

Start!

“I am too. Go Flareon!” yelled Scott, tossing his Pokeball up in the air. Out appeared a beautiful sleek, red Eeveelution. Its' tail was beige, unlike the rest of its' furry body. Its' face looked like that of an Eevee.

The bold shows the un-necessary apostrophe. Only use an apostrophe in that way for the contraction "it is".

Well, actually, that's it.

I'm finally un-grounded, isn't that great!

With Best Wishes,
--Lucarioman777
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
@LM777....duncan betaed this chapter, but I looked it over and probably missed that. I will try to improve on the spelling part, but I feel the fic is finally coming into it's own.
 

duncan

Well-Known Member
Well, not going into a really long review or anything, but this WAS a much better chapter than usual. Still have a fairly big problem with the lack of description, but you still did much better in this chapter.

The bold shows the un-necessary apostrophe. Only use an apostrophe in that way for the contraction "it is".

XD Heh, wow we don't know what we're doing. He typed it (wrong), I replaced it (wrong as well), then we both looked it over and BOTH missed it. Eh...

Well, besides that good chapter. I'll take more time in the future, instead of leaving it to the last minute. :) Good chapter.
 
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