Hmm. Not a bad chapter or anything, but I found a bunch of errors (you guys didn't see any?). You need a constant beta, who can look over every chapter. It really helps. Anyway, I'm going to be a little extra picky today. You've improved quite a bit since beginning this. You still have a ways to go, though.
“Now Lindsey, chill. You can’t just go barging in there, he could be sleeping!” John argued, grabbing onto his girlfriend’s arm, much to her dismay.
There in steady of their.
Lindsey was drenched in water, her hair and clothes completely soaked, and still dripping. Mud dotted her clothes, which were almost impossible to decipher now. Mud also streaked her hair, blending in with it’s dull blond sheen. It was a wonder that they had let them in.
This isn't technically wrong, but you should take a second look at it. When describing something (or someone) don't use the same word more than once. When you start getting repetitive in your description it really hurts the fic in general. I'll show you what I mean:
Lindsey was drenched in water, dripping all over the clean hospital floor. Mud covered her clothes, making it hard to decipher what color they were to begin with. Earth was also streaked in her hair, blending in with it’s dull blond sheen. It was a wonder that they had let them in.
That's not really a good example, as I made it far too wordy and it didn't flow very well. But you see what I mean by how it looks better when you don't repeat words. A thesaurus is very handy for things like that.
“I killed a man, John. I shot him, square in the chest. I ran towards the bunker, to try and help him. It was so chaotic and violent. There was no emotion, no fear, no thoughts.” He attempted to explain.
This didn't work for me. I know what he went through, but this was extremely bare bones. Add more emotion, more description. A flashback of the battle would also have worked quite well. Remember, it was very dramatic. He probably wouldn't even want to talk about it (I know I wouldn't).
“I am flattered that you came to see me, but you need to get on with your lives. You need to beat gyms, and contests, travel the islands, have fun. I will recover, and when I do Lindsey, be on your A game. I expect a fierce battle with you in the Grand Festival.” He ordered.
Replaced you're with your and you misspelt fierce.
“Now go,” he continued sternly. “Live your lives.”
No comma needed between "he continued" and "sternly".
She hadn’t seen experienced an egg hatching (that was her own) since Eevee 3 months ago.
Seen and experienced don't work together. Scratch one.
Again, sorry for the harsh review. The thing is, in my experience, negative reviews will nine times out of ten help me more than just a normal "yeah, great job!" sort of review. True, it makes you feel better knowing that you did good. Unfortunately that's all it does, whereas hopefully this review helped a little.
Just keep working on description and emotions. I know you know how. A beta wouldn't hurt either, to keep those pesky typos at bay. Yeah...