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The Small Embers of Hope (PG)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Riarra, Apr 16, 2011.

  1. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    Ugh, I wish I had a better idea for a title...

    All righty then, I'm working on a story involving a Vulpix and Team Galactic. I know that my writing's not the best yet, so please review to help me improve!


    Chapter One: Spacemen

    A fox-like animal with six tails scampered easily through the trees, making sure to stay hidden. Her orange fur was an oddity in this place, where the Pokémon who truly belonged blended easily into the green and brown background. The only place that a Vulpix could truly blend into was in a roaring fire. But she had learned to blend by staying in the trees, where the multitude of leaves kept her concealed. In the winter, though, when all the leaves were gone, well, she just did the best she could.

    But she could blend, and so she belonged.

    This is my home now, she told herself. I don’t want to travel any more. But no matter how many times she tried to persuade herself, she knew that she really did want to see the Sinnoh region, and that she, a Fire type, did not truly belong in Eterna Forest.

    But where else could I belong?

    Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of laughter. The Vulpix jumped a little, and then clambered through the treetops to see what could be making someone laugh that loudly. She was proud of her climbing skill, but not why she had had to obtain it.

    I disappointed him… and he had to leave me here… She quickly shook the painful memories away and searched for the source of the laughter. Practically right beneath her, a boy was playing with a Butterfree. He would swipe his long-handled net through the air, and his Pokémon would spin nimbly on its colorful wings to dodge it with ease. The Vulpix’s large eyes took it all in, and the suggestion of tears appeared in their black depths.

    They’re both having such fun… She jerked backward in shock at a sudden realization. It’s both play, and training, too! He’s pretending to be an attacking Pokémon to help his Butterfree dodge better, and they’re having fun! We- we could have trained that way too, and he just…

    The Butterfree let out a high-pitched giggle. The Vulpix looked down, and saw that the boy’s laughter was affecting his swipes with the net. As his swings became wilder and wilder, the Vulpix found that she was laughing along with the boy and his Pokémon. She hurriedly silenced herself, and saw the two below her look up in a bewildered manner- had they heard her? Holding her breath, she waited until they looked down again, and then flopped down on the branch she was sitting on. The sight had brought back the painful memories she had been resisting, and she could no longer hold them back.

    (Flashback: Lake Acuity Cavern, a week earlier)
    It was obvious that the Pokémon Hunter just wanted to continue leaving the cave, but her Trainer wasn't going to allow that- anyone who would kidnap creatures just to make a profit had to be stopped. And so the battle raged on.

    “Tangela! Vine Whip, now!”

    “That won’t work! Vulpix, counter with Ember!”

    She attempted to duck under the oncoming vine, but failed. It coiled around her midsection and lifted her into the air. Panicked, she released a flurry of small flames from her mouth. They landed in an almost perfect ring around the ball of vines that was attacking her. As the fire burned in an ever shrinking circle around the Pokémon Hunter’s Tangela, the Pokémon squealed in fright. Its Trainer simply glared at it, silently telling it to
    do something.

    Suddenly, the vine holding her lashed and released her, and she was thrown against the wall of the cave. Her head spun, and by the time she managed to stand, the Tangela was lying on the floor with some serious-looking scorch marks. She glanced proudly up at her Trainer, and he looked at her with a half-hearted smile on his face.

    You look sad… What’s wrong? Is it my fault? she thought, wishing she was able to make a sound, any sound, that he might understand.

    The Hunter scowled. He dropped the sack he carried, and turned as if to leave. With his back to them, he muttered, “You beat me through luck, boy. That Vulpix of yours, now… it’ll never be able to be the way you want it to be, the way it’s going…” The man quickly departed.

    Her Trainer looked stricken. She hardly heard the words, being more interested in the sack; but he returned her to her Pokéball before she could investigate it. There was a Pokémon inside, and its faint moans sounded weak…

    (Eterna Forest, two days later)

    They walked through the forest together. It seemed oddly quiet without his usual chatter, but she enjoyed the tranquility. She assumed they were heading south, retracing the route from the Lake to Twinleaf Town, where they lived.

    She was wrong. About halfway through the forest, he stopped. She had been going on ahead, and didn’t notice until she heard him call her back. He knelt down to her eye level as she trotted over to him, and his eyes were sad.

    “Now, Vulpix,” he said. “You know why Grandpa gave you to me, right?”

    She nodded- his grandfather had wanted him to become strong with a Fire-type Pokémon just as the rest of his family had. Due to the rarity of Fire-types in Sinnoh, she had been a gift.

    “I thought you did.” He smiled faintly. “But, well, that battle with the Hunter- it was a Grass- versus a Fire-type. You should have been able to win easily, but instead, you were almost beaten.”

    She tensed. Was he blaming it on her? That Tangela’s movements had been inordinately fast!

    “It’s all my fault.”


    “I was supposed to grow strong with you, but I haven’t. I’m not able to train you right.” The boy’s face was miserable. “You’d be able to grow strong on your own, though, without me messing it up.”

    What? But I… I won! What makes you think that we’re not strong? Is it what the Hunter said? That was just a bluff! Right? Her muscles locked, perhaps anticipating what was coming.

    “So, you can stay here, and become stronger by yourself.” He pulled her Pokéball from his belt, and, before she could react, said, “Vulpix, I release you.” She froze.

    The red-and-white sphere shot a bright blue light from the button in its center, which enveloped her. She felt no change, except the shock of what her Trainer had done.

    But- I- We can still train together! You didn’t do anything wrong, we just have to work harder! Together! She stared after him as he walked away with the Pokéball still in his hand, wishing she had a voice to cry out with.

    She was still there at sunset, her eyes black pools of loss. She only moved to a tree once a Staraptor tried to eat her.

    (End flashback)

    She still couldn’t understand why he had left her- surely his bond with her had been stronger than that. Although, there had been rumors about a Trainer with a very strong Ponyta that had only been recently caught. She couldn’t stop wondering if it was him. Maybe he wanted to please his grandfather more than he wanted to stay with me.


    She was jolted from her sad reverie by the shout from below. Looking down through the branches of the tree she was in, she could see the Trainer with the Butterfree hastily returning it, a fearful expression on his face. Once his Pokémon was safely inside its Pokéball, he ran for it. The Vulpix turned her gaze in the direction the boy had been looking.

    There were three strange humans walking casually through the forest. They didn’t seem to be Trainers- or, at least, not the kind that were usually there. Two of them acted subordinate to the other (strangely enough, that one was different; his hair was a different shape than the other two’s, and it was blue instead of aqua), so he had to be the leader. The atmosphere around them was rather menacing, and their clothing was a bit odd, compared to what she had seen on others. From what she had learned about humans, she could tell that it was similar to what humans wore in outer space, but there didn’t seem to be any reason to wear something like that on Earth.

    One of the humans laughed, perhaps at the Trainer’s behavior, and the Vulpix bristled. It was a mean kind of laugh, and she didn’t like mean people- besides, these humans were strange enough to be afraid of, and the Trainer couldn’t really be blamed for running. Below her, the humans had begun to talk about something else. Her curiosity tugged at her, and she bent down to hear better.

    “We’re here to get the Adamant and Lustrous Orbs?”

    “Yes. They’re being displayed at the Eterna Museum, so this is our best chance to steal them. I’ve got a plan to get them, and you two will take them.”

    “Ah. And I don’t suppose you’re going to explain why we need them?”

    “Because Master Cyrus needs them for… experimenting.”

    “Wow! I actually got a partial explanation! Can you believe that…”

    She stopped listening. These people were going to steal the sacred Orbs of the Deities! Each one was a link to the powers of the one of the two Pokémon lords of Mount Coronet, and she had no idea what the humans could use them for, if they got the Orbs. She began to run through the treetops, intent on stopping them. Her own problem was whisked out of her mind by the sudden turn of events.

    She began to slow down as the trees grew farther and farther apart at the outskirts of the forest. Jumping the large gaps in between them was slower than running, but she kept going until, at last, she was out of the forest. The Vulpix leaped down from the very last tree and continued to run, the almost uniform flatness of the ground unfamiliar to her (as she had spent all her time in Eterna Forest in the treetops).

    The humans were ahead of her, just now entering Eterna City. Buildings rose up around them, and she sprinted even faster to try and catch up.

    You cannot possess the Orbs. The might of the gods is not meant to be controlled. I will not allow you to take them. She was not normally a fiery tempered Pokémon (despite her Fire type), but she was mad at those thieves now. Her body temperature began to rise with her temper. The shame she had felt when she had been almost beaten by the Tangela turned to anger. The abandonment she had felt when her Trainer released her became flaming rage. The fear she felt now, at what the humans might do, was pushed aside, and wrath took its place. You will not have the Orbs. I will not let you! I WILL NOT! Her internal flame flared up to spontaneous combustion temperature with her fury. Her fur began to smoke. The heat of her body gave her the energy needed to catch up to the humans, and she entered the city at top speed, gaining fiercely on the trio of humans.

    She needed to keep them from reaching the Museum. Her outrage boiled up to her mouth and-


    The three humans whirled in shock. Others, the ones who were just going about their daily business, scattered, fleeing the terrible voice that resonated with such anger.

    The Vulpix skidded to a halt, the asphalt of the street shredding into the skin on her paws. I thought I was mute! No sound had ever left her muzzle before- why now? Oh! The second gift! A memory briefly flitted through her mind.

    (Flashback: Eterna Forest, the evening of the day of her release)

    She was curled miserably in a tree, blaming herself for what he had done. She felt sick inside. Her downturned gaze completely missed the circle of yellow light that was appearing above her.

    The light solidified into a Pokémon with a delicate, two-tailed body . Something made her turn her eyes up, and they met with the closed yellow lids of the Pokémon’s eyes. She jumped in surprise, almost falling from the tree, for she recognized it from the old tales.

    Bowing (which was not easy to do on skinny branches), she thought,
    Uxie… I’m honored.

    Uxie heard the silent words, and responded in the same fashion.
    Do not bow to me, little one, for I am in great debt to you.

    Uxie explained that the Pokémon Hunter that the Vulpix had battled had been attempting to take it from the Lake. While it had been because of her Trainer that she had battled the Hunter, Uxie said that she was being rewarded because she had been concerned about it (the Pokémon in the sack had been Uxie!), while the boy had not been truly worried. She wanted to protest, but it might have been rude.

    Uxie wished to give her two gifts for what she had done, even though it had only been one thing. As it was the Guardian of Knowledge, one of the gifts was the knowledge of all the legends of Sinnoh- which, apparently, would be “very useful in future times”, according to Uxie. The second gift was a secret (which was extremely frustrating), and “could only be discovered in a time of great need.” Uxie insisted that the gift of knowledge was the one meant to clear up the debt, and the mystery gift was to help in a “upcoming time of turmoil”; however, the Vulpix wasn’t so sure that it wasn’t just to keep her in suspense until the time of great need.

    (End flashback)

    I guess the gift was human speech. Which means that this must be the time of great need.
    She stepped towards the humans to get their attention. As if a smoking, yelling Vulpix wouldn’t have had their attention from the start.

    “That was… the Pokémon that said that?” The speaker was one of the lesser-in-rank humans, voicing the confusion on all three faces.

    “Apparently so.” That was the leader. “Now, what was that you said about the Orbs?” He seemed to have experience with talking Pokémon; or, at least, he didn’t show any more shock or confusion.

    “You can’t have them,” she said. She lifted all six of her tails to emphasize the statement.

    “Oh?” His face was arrogant and calm. The two other humans glanced at him to see what they should do, and immediately mirrored the expression. “And why not?”

    “Because the Orbs contain-" She managed to stop herself before she gave something away; she had no idea how much these people knew.

    “The powers of time and space, respectively? A direct link to the deities of Sinnoh mythology?” The leader’s expression grew even more smug.

    Well. She wouldn’t have given anything away after all. Although, by the looks on the other two’s faces, not all members of this organization (something told her that this was a group of more than three people that she was dealing with) knew the same things.

    “Yes,” she said, “and they are sacred. You would abuse their power.” Although she was trying to keep her voice calm, it shook with anger (and possibly fear, too) towards the end of the statement, and her fur was still smoking.

    “You know quite a lot, now, don’t you…” the leader muttered. It was not a question. “This could be a useful turn of events.”

    She cocked her head nervously. What was he talking about? Her fur began to bristle as well as smoke in response to some evil-human-intention-reading instinct (or something similar), and she began to back away, obeying the unwritten law of creatures with pelts: Trust the fur.

    “Catch the Vulpix!”

    Oh, no. She couldn’t let herself be captured, but she couldn’t exactly flee, either, not if that would allow the humans to get the Orbs.

    The two other humans seemed a bit confused, but both sent out their Pokémon. Twin streaks of light shot from two Pokéballs.

    A purple skunk-like animal and a gray feline with a corkscrewing tail materialized. The Vulpix noticed that the Stunky had a fearful look on his face, while the Glameow appeared arrogant and ready to force her opponent into submission. Two foes at once! The Vulpix quailed inside.

    “Poison Gas!”


    Stunky spun around to point his rear at her and released a stream of a noxious gas like his life depended on it. The Vulpix threw herself under most of it, only to be met by Glameow’s claws. There was a pained hiss (apparently her fur was too hot to touch), and she was hurled upward.

    “Yaah!” The sound seemed ripped from her throat.

    “Bite! Bring it back down here!”

    “Use Night Slash once it’s in range!”

    She felt fangs in the scruff of her neck, and was briefly impressed at Glameow’s jumping ability. There was no sound from the cat now to indicate how hot her fur was; it must have cooled off quickly once she was too distracted by the battle to stay angry. And then she was falling, pulled downward both by gravity and by the Pokémon’s weight towards Stunky’s waiting attack.

    I’ve got to do something, or they’ll catch me!

    She twisted in midair, forcing Glameow between her and Stunky. The latter had already leapt up with his claws extended, and hit his ally before he could adjust his aim. Glameow hissed with pain and Slashed at the Vulpix without waiting for an order. She dodged instinctively and counterattacked with a stream of small flames from her mouth before her opponents could move. They were close enough together that the Ember hit both of them.

    “Stuuuunky! (It burns!)” The little skunk staggered backwards and collapsed with a wail of pain, having taken much more damage than he should have. The human who had been commanding him recalled Stunky into his Pokéball with a flash of red light.

    “Darn those critical hits,” she heard the human grumble.

    Whew! Only Glameow left…

    “Fury Swipes!”

    Glameow leapt on top of the Vulpix, knocking her over onto her back, and began repeatedly scratching her. The six-tailed fox attempted to guard her face with her forepaws, but had little success.

    What can I do?

    Desperately, she kicked out with her hind legs. There was a fair amount of power in the kick, and Glameow was sent flying. She sprang back onto all four legs just as there was a loud yowl from several yards away.

    “Use Slash, but hit it this time!” The human’s voice was crueler now.

    I’ve gotta hit first now! She knew that she couldn’t last much longer.

    And she shot forward, a broad streak of white light trailing behind her. At the same time, Glameow was coming towards her with outstretched claws. Before the two combatants made contact, the Vulpix jumped up. She came down on the cat’s back, hitting first with the speed of Quick Attack, and dealing a whole lot of damage. But Glameow wasn’t quite done- she Slashed upward and landed a good hit.

    The Vulpix reeled backwards. She had been careless and taken too much damage in the beginning, and now she was almost too weak to stand. The only good thing was that Glameow was in the same condition as she was.

    The surroundings started to whirl around her.

    No… I-I can’t…

    She collapsed. Glameow seemed to be miraculously healed by the victory, and sauntered up to the Vulpix to begin making rude Pokémon gestures at her.

    “Glameow, me-ow! Glameow!(That was a good show, there, but not good enough! You only managed to hurt me at all through luck!)” the feline hissed. She opened her mouth to say something else, but the human quickly returned her.

    I lost! They’ll take the Orbs! Because I- I couldn’t stop them…

    A red and white sphere came arcing through the air. A Pokéball! She tried to stand and dodge the ball, but her legs buckled beneath her and it hit her in the head.


    The Pokéball bounced off, opened on hidden hinges, and she felt her body lose its shape. She was converted into pure energy to be stored within. The ball closed.

    No! You will not command me! She pushed against the sides of the ball as best as she could with her will (naturally, that was all she had to fight the ball with, as energy does not have muscles). It stayed closed. She pushed again, harder.

    This time, the ball shook. She could feel it. But it did not open. She pushed again, and again, harder and harder each time. The ball shook back and forth rapidly, but did not release her.

    No! She pushed. I have to stop you- she pushed again- and keep the Orbs safe! She pushed again, harder still and desperate.

    And the Pokéball exploded into tiny red and white fragments.

    She shot out, first as a bright streak of light, then as a white silhouette of herself, then, finally, as herself, with depth, color, and shape. Her legs wobbled, but she braced herself and looked up at the leader of the humans, smirking a little.

    “You’re not getting me that easy,” she said. Around them, the people who lived in Eterna City were getting curious, coming back to see what that shout they had heard had been. The humans who had battled her looked around nervously, and one of them leaned over to mutter in their leader’s ear. She tilted her ears in closer to hear.

    “Commander Saturn, that was the only Pokéball we have. Wouldn’t this count as a Toxicroak situation?”

    Saturn narrowed his eyes; his annoyance at the incompetency of the others was plain. Her fur began to stand up again in anticipation of what would happen. He reached towards a concealed belt and pulled out a green and brown splotched Pokéball.

    No! I can’t battle anymore- I’m too weak-

    “Toxicroak, Poison Jab.” His voice was deceptively calm as a somewhat humanoid, blue, black, and red froglike creature materialized from the ball.

    All she saw was a blur. Before she could even attempt to avoid it, a red knuckle claw stabbed her in the chest. She flew backwards, and was unconscious before she hit the street pavement.
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2011
  2. LegendZeke

    LegendZeke Legend in Training

    That was strongly emotianal! I felt like i was in the situation. Fantastic Job!
    (*****) <---- Five stars! Needs no fixing.
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2011
  3. chanseychansey77

    chanseychansey77 Elite Trainer

    I'd change the title to just "The Embers of Hope".

    Embers aren't that big.
  4. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    Thanks! Glad to see that you liked it.

    Good point- I'd change that, but I just tried and I don't think that you can change the title. But you're right, it sounds a lot better.

    And now, Chapter Two (which is a bit shorter)!

    Chapter Two: Imprisoned

    She was lying on something hard and cold. The dark fuzziness that shrouded her brain left suddenly, and she was conscious again. There was a strong ache in her chest where the Poison Jab had struck her, but it wasn’t anything serious- just a pain. She sat up, shivering from her contact with the chilly surface, looked around, and discovered that she was in some sort of cell.

    Everything surrounding her was gray stone. She was sitting on a ledge that jutted out from the stone walls enclosing her, and metal bars blocked off the entrance to the small room, like any good stereotypical prison. Just outside, there was a hallway with white tiling on the floor, white paint on the walls, and bright fluorescent lighting that bleached out any color there might have been, which made one wonder why her cell was made of plain stone instead of a sterile white material like the hallway.

    Those people must have brought me here after that Toxicroak knocked me out, but why?

    Four humans ran past her, their white boots clicking on the tiles of the hallway. They were dressed exactly the same as the ones with the Stunky and Glameow who had battled her, which rather confirmed her suspicions that this was a large organization. She thought about shouting out to them and demanding to know what was going on, but her nerve failed her, and they ran on. Apparently the bravery she had shown while battling the other humans had been fleeting.

    Of course it was. I’m not brave. Not really.

    But had the humans gotten the orbs anyway? Despite her efforts? All of the sudden, the question burned inside her, and she needed to know: had she done anything other than get herself captured?

    Click. Click. Another human was coming. She allowed the question to burn some more, until it worked its way up her throat and pretty much asked itself for her.

    “Did they get the Orbs?” She recoiled mentally at the unintentional anger in her voice. The human jumped, and looked around for the voice momentarily, then seemed to realize that it had come from the Vulpix in the cell.

    “We grunts aren’t supposed to talk to you,” the human said, its voice female, with a strange lack of surprise at a talking Pokémon. She had probably been warned. “Commander Saturn forbade it this morning.”

    So that meant she had been unconscious for at least half a day and a night. “You’re talking to me now.”

    “Good point.” The human paused. “I’m not supposed to be.” And with that, she left, leaving the Vulpix’s question unanswered.

    Darn it!

    Her chest throbbed. She looked down at it, and her vision swirled around. Dizzied, she laid back down, and the swirling stopped- but she then blacked out again. Apparently, the Toxicroak venom was still in her system.

    There is a price…

    She was in darkness, merely as a mind, without her body. As she hovered there, the black began to lighten almost imperceptibly, until there was a perfect circle of yellow light that seemed to have simply appeared. Somehow, she knew that it was Uxie. Despite the circumstances, there was no mysterious quality to its presence now- perhaps because she had already met it, or maybe it was just too flustered to act like that.

    Oh, you’re here! The thought emanated from the yellow light. I have been informed of a complication… Uxie’s thought faded out.

    What complication?

    Uxie remained quiet, perhaps in thought, or maybe just hesitating.

    Well, tell me!

    The circle of light shifted, almost like the way a regular being would shift on their feet when nervous or embarrassed. It’s not that simple, you dimwitted mortal!

    She mentally shrank back from Uxie’s sudden anger. The rage of a Legend was nothing to laugh at.

    We Legends are bound by a code- it prevents us from being too directly involved in your affairs.

    Being involved would be a bad thing?

    Yes- imagine, if a Legend would simply fix any problem that ever came up. You mortals would never become independent. There are those of us who are kind and naïve enough to do that.

    She understood, now. But maybe, if one of those kind Legends would have been able to intervene when her Trainer had released her…

    Anyway, Uxie thought/said, the Legendary Code is a set of rules- and one of them concerns gifts. I have been informed that the rule allows only one to be awarded to an individual per situation. Any others must be given with a price attached.

    So, your gift of human speech… I have to pay for it now? She didn’t think there was anything she could pay.

    Yes, in a way. Uxie seemed to be recovering its mysterious manner.

    In a way?

    Yes, but you must discover what it is first. The dream gently dissolved into plain sleep, and the meeting with Uxie fuzzed away from her mind. Slowly, the layers of unconsciousness vanished as she began to stir.

    “Toxi? (Are you all right?)

    Well, that dream was a whole lot of help. “Urnngh… Yes, why-" The Vulpix shook the sleep off of her with a groaning yawn, then noticed who was standing just outside her cell.

    “Toxicroak. (I’m sorry about before, really I am.)” The Toxicroak hung her head.

    “I-it’s okay, I guess,” she said, standing up on the cold stone ledge. “But, if you regret doing it, why did you do it in the first place?”

    Toxicroak croaked in reply. “(My Commander told me to Poison Jab you. I didn’t mean to hurt you so bad that you would be out for a day, though.

    Naturally. She had been ordered to. At least- Am I really thinking that I’m better off without my Trainer? …No, of course not. He helped me have courage, and he knew what I should do. I need him, even if he doesn’t need me. “Oh.”

    Toxicroak opened her mouth as if to say something else, and there was a sound that seemed halfway between the crackle of electricity and the hum of a motor. The Poison-type turned, not seeming too surprised, and another Pokémon came into the area that the Vulpix could see from the inside of the cell.

    Its body was orange and consisted of little but a head with a large spike on the top of it. A layer of plasma (or something similar) surrounded this, forming two lightning-bolt like protrusions at the bottom. The Vulpix had heard that one of this species of Pokémon lived in a haunted house in the Eterna Forest, but she had never investigated that; she believed that the stories called it a Rotom.

    It hummed in its crackling voice. "(Charon says that they’re ready for the prisoner.)"

    “Croak.” This time, Toxicroak didn’t mean to say anything, but spoke just because it felt like she should. She stepped away from the bars of the cell. The Rotom floated through them, and approached the Vulpix on her ledge. She tensed, even though she was still recovering from Toxicroak’s Poison Jab and was in no condition to fight.

    It touched her with one of its plasma bolts before she could react. A paralyzing current immediately ran through her body, locking the muscles in place, and any hope of battling or escaping vanished. Rotom then lifted her up into the air with some kind of ghostly power, and Toxicroak pressed something on the outside wall. The bars rose with a quiet whir. She was carried out and down the hallway, still unable to move.

    What are they doing to me? Where am I going? The thoughts whirled around her mind, moving her to near panic. She tried to squirm away from Rotom, but its electricity held her fast. What’s going to happen to me?

    Rotom headed for a section of wall at the end of the hallway. It seemed like just a regular wall to her. But then, the Ghost sent a quick shock of lightning at it, and it slid into the wall beside it, revealing a small room.

    She was carried into the dimly lit space. Once again, she tried to struggle, but once again, she failed to escape. The “wall” slid back into place behind them with a thud, which was strange, as it had been silent before. She was stuck, now; there was absolutely no way to escape.

    Toxicroak managed to catch up just as the secret door was closing. She struck at it with her left knuckle claw, making a loud thudding sound, but the door carried on and closed before she could enter.

    “Croak! (Darn you, Rotom!)” Despite everything, she was worried about the little Vulpix- maybe it was just because of the damage she had done to her. Rotom was the most mischievous of any of the Pokémon here, and its Commander was even worse. What would they do to that Vulpix?
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2011
  5. LegendZeke

    LegendZeke Legend in Training

    A few puncuation errors, but i devoured it. The way you expressed Vulpix's feelings... just awesome.
  6. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    Hmmm... I must have missed the errors, I'll go try to find them now. Thanks!
  7. LegendZeke

    LegendZeke Legend in Training

    You fixed them. Can't wait til next chapter. :)
  8. JohnGazmon

    JohnGazmon Well-Known Member

    Loving this so far. Really emotional, and a great twist when it comes to the main character.
  9. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    Thank you! It's nice to know that you like it!
  10. Interesting so far. I like the personalities you give the Pokemon, and how they're more three-dimensional than their trainers [so far]. XD It's understandable coz your main character's a Vulpix, so yeah. I'm a bit surprised that Toxicroak acted the way she did, given the training she would've received from a Galactic Admin and all, and now I'm pretty sure that she'll play a big part in the story.

    A small clarification - I'm assuming, from the first flashback, that the trainer and his Vulpix were battling in Lake Verity, which holds Mesprit, not Uxie [the latter is housed in Lake Acuity]. I'm assuming that the hunter already had Uxie and was now trying to catch Mesprit, but was subsequently stopped by the trainer and his Vulpix? I'd like you to clear that up, though.

    Other than that, everything else seems okay. Your description's good, and your plot seems solid already [even though it's only been two chapters]. Hopefully Chapter 3's even better. Keep it up! =)
  11. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    Since I was trying not to make the flashbacks too long, I might have left out a few details, but the hunter had just captured Uxie in the cavern, and the Trainer happened to come upon him just when he was leaving the cavern. I'll go back and fix that; thanks for mentioning it.

    Thanks for reading, Dramatic Melody, I'm glad to have your input!
  12. Zibdas

    Zibdas not bad

    Moore! I need more!
  13. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    Haha, more's coming! Unfortunately, it's going to take a little longer... I didn't get much time to write this week... -.-

    Plus, the next chapter's kinda long (might even end up being as long as Chapter One).
  14. Zibdas

    Zibdas not bad

  15. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    This chapter took me way too long to finish. It was going to be longer, but after I thought about it I decided that it worked better as a shorter chapter.

    So, after these... two weeks? enjoy Chapter Three! (I've got to be one of the only people who update a fanfic at almost 11:00 at night on a school night. XD)

    Chapter Three: The Shock

    Rotom set her down on a platform in the center of the room. Immediately, another electrical current raced through her paws, freezing them in place.

    Not again! She jerked around, attempting to free herself. No use.

    The Ghost turned and saw her expression. Its grin widened a little bit, and it sent a jolt of electricity at her. She jumped as much as she was able to with her feet glued to the top of the platform, and her fur stood on end, tingling unpleasantly.

    “Hey!” she yelped. “What was that for?”

    Rotom hummed. “(You looked like you needed to be distracted from the paralysis.)” Its smile grew some more, almost stretching across its entire face. “(I’ll bet that Thundershock distracted you nicely.)” It then melted into a wall before she could respond.

    She blinked frantically; it was dark in the room without Rotom’s glow, and the feeling of not being able to see an enemy generally sent her into the panic state. Luckily, her eyes adjusted fairly quickly. Relieved at being able to see again, she looked around, taking in her surroundings. Admittedly, there wasn’t much- it seemed that, even though the place was hidden, it had been used as a closet. There was a human object called a vacuum over in the corner, and a whole lot of brushes and mops and other things were scattered around on the floor.

    She had been gazing around for a while when she noticed a soft humming noise that seemed similar to Rotom’s voice, without the crackling. Then, the walls glowed bright blue, and the room jolted. It started into a descent.

    “Aaaah!” She felt her stomach fly up her throat.

    The walls’ humming grew louder, with the crackling now. It was Rotom’s voice. “(What, you’ve never been in an elevator before?)

    She started. “Actually, yes, it is my first time in an… umm, an elevator. Now, where the heck are you?” she said, twisting her neck in all directions, trying to find it.

    (Oh, I’m inside the elevator. You won’t be able to find me.)

    “You’re inside it?!”

    (Yes, didn’t you know? My kind can possess any machine with a motor.)” Its hum had a distinctly teasing tone. “(So, I’m controlling this thing. It’s fun!)

    Suddenly, the elevator came to a jolting stop. She would have been thrown off the platform if she hadn’t been stuck to it. The hidden door opened, revealing another white hallway, and she closed her eyes tightly against the bright artificial light. There was a soft shwoop! sound as Rotom pulled itself out of the walls, then the sound of it rushing joyously over to something or someone that was outside the door. Its crackling hum was excited.

    (Charon! CharonCharonCharonCharon! I got the prisoner! See? You didn’t say that she was a Vulpix that could talk the way you do, but I guess you just wanted to save the surprise for me, right? ‘Cause you’re my friend!)

    “Whoa, Rotom, whoa!” She cracked open her eyes at the voice, hoping that the light wouldn’t be too bright for her to see.

    It wasn’t. She could see Rotom whizzing around an old man who was wearing a large white coat. The wind created by the Ghost’s hyperactive zooming caused it to blow open, revealing grayish-brown garments underneath, and there was a small, yellow G on the shirt.

    Oh, no. He’s one of them. What’s he going to do with me? Rotom had brought her to this man for a reason- and hadn’t Saturn taken her because the knowledge Uxie gave her might be “useful”?

    “Now, let’s see what we’ve got here,” Charon said, and he moved towards her while rubbing his hands together in a matter-of-fact way. “Ah, a Vulpix. Another rare Pokémon for a grunt?” He pulled a small piece of paper from one of his coat pockets, peered through his glasses at it, and put it back. “Apparently not. I’m supposed to ask you some questions, and you’re supposed to answer them, because apparently you're one of those rare talking Pokémon.”

    “Wait, what?” She had, evidently, been correct about these people wanting information from her. “You think that after being hit with a Poison Jab, stuck in a cell, and being paralyzed twice, I’m going to tell you what you want to know willingly?”

    “Oh, you’ll understand shortly.” Charon nodded to Rotom, who floated over to her and lifted her up off the platform.

    Her muscles immediately relaxed, having been forced to stay rigid on the platform- Hey! I’m not paralyzed anymore, now that I’m off of it! She wriggled around in midair, just for fun, and saw a jagged plasma appendage coming towards her. Not this time, Ghostie! She threw herself away from Rotom as best as she could while floating. It kept going (having been aimed directly at her shoulder), and she found herself sprawled on the elevator floor. She glanced up at Rotom. It seemed to have gone partially into the wall, at least, judging by the way its head was sticking out, and had lost the focus required to levitate her. She took advantage of this and fled the scene, tearing off down the white hallway.

    Rotom crackled, sounding afraid. “(Hey! This doesn’t have a motor! How can I be in here then?)

    She could hear Charon crying out, “Rotom! Are you all right?” over the sound she was making as she ran. She didn’t dare slow down and look back, but by the sounds, it seemed that he was attempting to pull it out of the wall, which, apparently, was more difficult than it appeared.

    He doesn’t seem as bad as the rest of them, she thought, at least when it comes to us Pokémon. It was true; while Saturn and the two grunts who had battled her had simply yelled out orders and recalled their Pokémon, Charon was genuinely concerned about Rotom as a friend. But that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t try to hurt her in some way. She kept running down the hallway.

    There was a strange schlooping sound, and she assumed that he had freed Rotom. It’s too bad that this hallway is straight, she thought. If there was a bend, I could’ve been around it and out of that Ghost’s sight for a while- Whoa! She slammed into a wall that she hadn’t seen (as it was exactly the same color as the floor) and bounced off, right into the continuation of the hallway after its 90-degree turn. Oh. There is a bend, right here. She went around the corner, planning on resuming running, but screeched to a halt.

    Vulpix had almost slammed right into a snoozing gray and white striped feline Pokémon, a Purugly. She was blocking a door, and had her tail wrapped tightly around her midsection, adding to her already impressive size. Something woke her, maybe the sound of Vulpix’s approach, and she looked blearily down at the Pokémon in front of her. Then, she uncurled her tail, allowing the flesh to spring back into its normal position with a wobble.

    “Mrrrrrrgh,” she growled. “(So, that annoying Charon and his Rotom actually did something they were told to for once.)

    “What?” I was supposed to come here? But- oh, no!

    The tail came down and wrapped around the Vulpix’s forelegs. It hoisted her into the air. She struggled, but its grip was too strong. She was left dangling while Purugly turned laboriously around 180 degrees to face the door.

    Hold on… haven’t I forgotten something? Of course she had. She twisted her head around so that it was facing Purugly’s, opened her mouth, and willed her fire to come.

    “Mrraow? (Are you trying to do something?)” Purugly tried to look behind her, only to be met by the Ember. “Hkssssss! Owwwww! You are!)” Despite her obvious discomfort, her tail did not release Vulpix. Instead, it twisted up around the Fire-type, binding her mouth shut and pinning her legs so that all she could do was struggle in vain.

    “MmmmMMMMPH!” Ignoring the muffled protest, Purugly sprang up on her hind legs (not without some difficulty) and twisted the doorknob with her forepaws. The door opened slowly, revealing a room full of buttons and blinking lights. In the center was a large box with a hole in one end, with thin wires spiraling out from it like so many strands of Ariados silk.

    “Prrrraow. (I’m not letting you out, Vulpix. My Commander gave me a job, and I will do it.)

    Yes, because you’re too lazy to tell yourself what to do, Vulpix thought.

    Purugly strode over to the box, carefully aligned her tail with its hole, and deposited her prisoner inside. As soon as the tail was removed, a strange sheen came over the air in the hole. Curious, Vulpix poked her nose at it.



    Purugly purred, apparently pleased by what had happened. “(Oh, yes, there’s a force field there. You can’t get out.)

    “Well, thanks for warning me,” Vulpix muttered, rubbing her shocked nose.

    (You’re welcome.)” Purugly seemed to have lost interest, not making the effort to recognize the sarcasm.

    (Oh, Purugly, there’s a stray Vulpix around here and-)” Rotom came bursting through the door, humming. “(Wait, never mind, you’ve taken care of it.)

    “Hksss! (Of course I’ve taken care of it, she ran right into me! Where were you while the prisoner was trying to escape?)

    (I was stuck in the wall.)


    Apparently bored with Purugly, Rotom floated back through the opening. “(Hey, Charon, she’s here!)

    Vulpix had remained quiet throughout this whole argument, but when Charon walked into the room, a surge of fear forced her to ask, “What are you going to do with me?”

    “Just wait and you’ll see.”

    “That’s not an answer!”

    “If you stay quiet and watch, it soon will be.”

    Ugh! She was still afraid, but had no choice but to sit tight. Charon started pressing a few buttons in various places around the room. Purugly seemed to be trying to get in his way, which was strange because she was expending energy on something that couldn’t do anything for her. Eventually, he had to speak up.

    “Purugly, could you please step out of the room for a few seconds? I’m afraid you’re a little, erm, big to stay in here.”

    “Hksssssphh!” she spat. “(You’re just lucky that my Commander ordered me not to harm you, newcomer!)” She strode out as proudly as she could.

    “Ah, that’s better.” He reached over to press a button that had been previously blocked by Purugly, and Vulpix could feel a tingle in her head as an electric current came into being inside the metal box. “And now, about those questions you’re supposed to answer, Vulpix.” He pulled the paper from his pocket.

    She could feel her fur stand on end, and she doubted it was the electricity. Naturally, she wouldn’t answer, but Charon seemed awfully confident that she would. And, of course, there was this machine she was in- what could it possibly do?

    “Alrighty. Our leader wants me to ask you this first: How can the power of the legendary lake Pokémon be used to capture the deities Dialga and Palkia?”

    The tingle in her head grew as soon as the question had been uttered. Answer, truthfully.

    “When the power of Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf is extracted and brought together, it will form-" She managed to clamp her traitorous lips closed on the ‘m’. What happened? I didn’t do that! I didn’t tell him- I-I couldn’t have! For a few seconds, she had wanted to say the answer- but what had made her do it?

    “Eheheheheheheheheh! What was that you said a little while ago about not answering our questions willingly?”

    She didn’t even flinch at Charon’s disturbing laugh. She was stunned by what she had done.
    Last edited: May 29, 2011
  16. MudkipsAreAwesome

    MudkipsAreAwesome I was there.

    Yay. Is there a PM list? If there is, add me into it.
    Just small typo I found:
  17. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    You know, I probably should have a PM list. You're on it!

    And how did I miss that? I proofread this twice, and I completely missed that typo. Haha, thanks!

    EDIT- May 15th

    Suicune's rain, OVER 450 VIEWS?!

    Unfortunately, I had to go on a road trip to North Carolina this weekend, and I couldn't work on the story... But I'm working on it now, I'll try to get it up by next weekend!
    Last edited: May 16, 2011
  18. Zibdas

    Zibdas not bad

    Can I be on the PM list as well? Please?
  19. Riarra

    Riarra Ripening

    Of course!

    I've added the PM list to the first post.
    Last edited: May 25, 2011
  20. A few things first:

    I don't like the use of the first "thing". It sounds too abstract for me to describe a real object, and you use the word again at the latter part of the sentence anyway. Maybe "object"?

    Why the capitalization?

    I'm feeling a bit iffy about Charon's personality so far. He seems so robotic, transitioning from one emotion to another as if he wasn't capable of feeling both. If that's what you were going for, though, good job, but I wouldn't see why since that kind of personality is more fitting for Cyrus. Also, why wasn't there any shock in Charon's part that he was talking to a Vulpix that can talk like humans? Or was he informed by Saturn beforehand?

    Apart from that, though, it's another good chapter. Ironically, the Rotom and the Purugly [whom I assume is Mars, my favorite Galactic Commander, and I was a bit disappointed she didn't appear :p ] have more personality than Charon. Haha.

    I have nothing else to say but keep up the good work! :)

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